Feeling like you have nobody to love on Valentine’s Day? You are not alone. Here you’ll find several suggestions for coping with being alone and lonely on February 14; this article was inspired by a reader who says she never has somebody to love on Valentine’s Day.
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“Every year I dread February 14, especially since the stores make such a big deal about it,” says Nicole on Single and Lonely on Valentine’s Day? A Cure for Loneliness. “Valentine’s Day is the loneliest time of the year for me because I’m always single and it just makes me feel even more lonely. I know Valentine’s Day is not just a holiday for couples but that’s what people make it mostly about. I just can’t wait for the day to be over with. It’s good to have family on Valentine’s Day but it’s just not the same as having a boyfriend or husband. I’m a 27 year old woman and I’m single every year. What do you say to people who have nobody to love on Valentine’s Day?”
The tricky thing is that different things are helpful for different people. What helps me when I feel unloved on Valentine’s Day may not help you. And, different ideas are helpful at different stages in your life! For example, last year you have needed to learn how to let go of somebody you love. But this year maybe you may need words of comfort and consolation. Or, you may find it more helpful to get pushed out of the nest, told to get over yourself, and be encouraged do things to help other people who feel unloved and unwanted on February 14.
How do you know what will work for you? By trying different things until you feel better, happier, healthier. And, by remembering that finding joy and hope in your life depends on your personality, past experiences, hobbies, lifestyle, age, family situation, and ability to focus on the positive things in life that you’re grateful for.
When You Have Nobody to Love on Valentine’s Day
I didn’t get married until I was 35 years old, and I didn’t have any super long serious relationships before that. So I’ve had about 25 years of lonely Valentine’s Day experiences! I really wanted to be in a relationship on February 14 (and every other day of the year) but it wasn’t the right time. But I found ways to cope with not being loved on Valentine’s Day — and so will you.
Here’s what works for me both on Valentine’s Day and when I feel unloved at random times during the year.
Know that relationships do not erase loneliness
I love to travel alone, and I especially enjoy eating lunch and dinner alone in restaurants. I love watching people – especially couples – interact over a meal together. Last week, for example, I ate alone at an Italian restaurant. I was mesmerized by two different sets of couples at two different tables; one was in their 20s and the other couple was older, perhaps in their early 60s.
Neither couple was talking! They were sitting as silently as I was, and I was by myself. What is worse, I wondered, not having someone to talk to when you’re sitting across the table from someone or not having someone to talk to because you are actually by yourself?
If you’ve been in love and in a relationship in the past, you know that sometimes there are bouts of feeling alone and misunderstood. Even when you’re part of a couple, you don’t always feel like you have somebody to love and understand you. So, don’t assume that being single is the reason you feel like you have nobody to love on Valentine’s Day with being part of a couple. You can very easily be involved with someone – or even be married for 5 years, 25 years, or 50 years and still feel like you have nobody to love on Valentine’s Day.
Find your comfort and consolation
This is one of those tips that is different for everyone, especially when we’re talking about something as personal as having nobody to love on Valentine’s Day. Why? Because I don’t know if you’re a grieving widow starting over in her 60s or a bored-and-lonely 14 year old teenage boy. You might even be reading this article with your husband sitting right beside you – or across the table from you at a romantic Italian restaurant on February 14. Maybe you’re wondering if your marriage is over.
How do you comfort yourself when you are sad? Who or what helps you feel better, more understood, less alone? Think of times in the past when you felt like you had nobody to love (Valentine’s Day or not) or that nobody cares about you. What did you do to console and comfort yourself? I’d love to hear what works for you in the comments section below, so feel free to share. Sometimes just writing about what made you felt better in the past can help you feel better now.
Does your dog love you? I bet he does! Read 10 Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas for Dogs and Dog Lovers. 🙂
Learn how others cope with feeling unloved and unwanted
Whenever I feel alone and lonely, I turn to Ecclesiastes and the Bible. It’s a crazy book, full of questions such as “What is the meaning of life?” and “Life is meaningless! What is the point of working and living when you just die at the end?”
Sentiments like that may not seem very comforting or consoling to you, but they always made me feel better. I like knowing that thousands of years ago a wise teacher struggled with existential angst. He may not have talked about what to do when you have nobody to love on Valentine’s Day, but he definitely shared how lonely and meaningless his life was. That comforts me, it makes me feel better.
Here’s another ancient text that helps me feel comforted and loved:
“Do not be afraid. I will save you. I have called you by name—you are mine. When you pass through deep waters, I will be with you; your troubles will not overwhelm you. When you pass through fire, you will not be burned; the hard trials that come will not hurt you. For I am the Lord, your God. … because you are precious to me and because I love you and give you honor, do not be afraid—I am with you!” – Isaiah 43:1-5.
I’m not alone…and neither are you. Don’t believe me? Read 7 Things to Remember When You Feel Like No One Cares.
Get emotionally and spiritually healthy
When I turned 32, I decided I was tired of being a single woman. I thought – no, I knew – that the reason I was still single was because of my own issues. I didn’t know how to be married or even be in a relationship because I grew up with at single schizophrenic mother who never had a marriage or relationship of her own. So I knew that at least part of the reason I had nobody to love on Valentine’s Day was because of stuff I needed to work through.
Why do you have nobody to love on Valentine’s Day? I’m not saying you have emotional issues to work through, or that you should get counseling. But, it important for you to be aware of what brought you to this moment in your life. If there are problems or issues that you know or suspect you need to deal with, I encourage you to take the first step.
Choose a different path
“A psychologist in Atlanta told me he meets two kinds of people,” writes Phil Yancey in Where is God When It Hurts? “The unhealthy ones go through life crying, ‘Please love me, please love me.’ The other group consists of people healthy enough to give – not just look for or receive – love. This psychologist says the best cure for people who are unhealthy and desperate for love is to attain a place of wholeness where they can be lovers and helpers of others. Then they will automatically fill the deep needs for attention and love inside them.”
Yancey – who also wrote The Question That Never Goes Away: Why? – offers a vivid example of choosing a specific path of health and healing. He tells of a woman called Barbara Wolf who wrote about her long struggle against chronic pain in Living with Pain.
“She found that the only times in a day when she completely forgot about her pain was when she was teaching English,” he writes. “Then, her brain’s active involvement drowned out all other sensations. She forced herself to do activities that required complete concentration. Distraction, she found, was her single best weapon against pain. Distraction is inexpensive and non-habit-forming and does not require a doctor’s prescription. In addition to her English teaching, she poured herself into hobbies that demanded her full attention: parties, pets, sports, politics, writing.
How does this help you when you have nobody to love on Valentine’s Day? Instead of focusing on the loneliness or isolation you feel, find ways to get out of yourself. You could research the most popular tips for overcoming loneliness on February 14….or you can get creative and brainstorm ways to help others who feel unloved and unwanted on Valentine’s Day.
What do you think – how do you feel? Tell me below. While I can’t make everything sunshine and roses when you have nobody to love on Valentine’s Day (or give advice), I do read every comment.
Help Creating a Life of Love and Joy
The Gratitude Jar- A Simple Guide to Creating Miracles is a book that has come to light when the world deeply needs to read its message. The story itself is a heartwarming, inspirational tale of spiritual transformation and self-discovery, but it is also a guidebook with the power to instantly release the negative belief systems no longer serving you (such as the idea that nobody loves you on Valentine’s Day!), and to direct your steps with new energy onto the path of joy and personal freedom.
In The Gratitude Jar, Josie Robinson describes how to nourish your soul and restore your faith in the goodness of the world. The simple truths and wise insights will help you find a joyful and inspiring new life.
In Madly in Love with ME: The Daring Adventure of Becoming Your Own Best Friend, Christine Arylo says most of us know that loving ourselves would be a good idea, but we have no clue what that really means. Self-love feels too vast, too esoteric, and frankly like something you should keep under wraps. And yet if we don’t love ourselves, how can we expect others to love us?
In this book, you’ll learn how to:
- Shower yourself with loving words instead of criticism and comparison
- Go for your dreams with conviction and courage
- Choose the situations and relationships that make you happiest
- Discover and explore your deepest thoughts and desires — and act on them
Madly in Love With Me takes you beyond the idea of loving, valuing, and caring for yourself into daring acts that help you experience self-love. Christine provides practical, fun ways to explore and embody the ten branches of self-love every day and in every part of your life.
May you find comfort and hope on Valentine’s Day and every other day. May you feel love and joy where you least expect it. May you grow healthy and strong, and may your life be blessed with joy, connection, and peace.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. hen you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” – Jeremiah 29:11-13.