Feeling lost and unwanted – like no one cares about you – is surprisingly normal! Every human being, no matter how loved or happy they seem, feels like nobody cares at some point in their lives. It’s just that most of us hide and bury our feelings because we’re embarrassed or even ashamed. Read through the comments section at the end of this article; you’ll see you’re not alone.
If you feel abandoned and rejected, trust that you are not alone in those feelings. It may seem unbelievable or impossible, but the truth is that not only does everyone struggle with feelings of loneliness and hopelessness, most people aren’t even aware of the depth of their pain. Instead of facing and admitting that they feel alone and unloved, they bury themselves in addictions, shopping, obsessions about their appearance, getting new things, seeking different thrills.
When you feel like nobody in the world cares about you, remember that your feelings are normal. You’re seeking something deeper than this world – and people – can give you. You’re dealing with “existential angst”, which is that deep feeling of loneliness and abandonment. It’s the feeling that nobody cares about you, and you feel it because you’re longing for home. But it’s not a home on this earth. You long to be home with God, to know the love of Jesus Christ, to feel the presence of the Holy Spirit. Those longings will never be filled by Facebook, movies, or even other people.
Be aware of the difference between existential angst and a serious emotional health issue like depression. My tips on what to do when you feel like nobody cares are not for people struggling with serious mental or emotional health issues. I’m focusing on the spiritual aspect of ourselves – including the feeling of grief that never ends when you feel like you can’t reach out to God.
Below are seven things to remember when you feel like no one cares about you. You, me, we all were created with a longing in our hearts – a yearning for deep connection, true meaning, and sincere love in our lives. The feeling that something is missing and nobody cares is a simply part of being a healthy human being. Everyone feels this way at some point in their lives. It hurts, it sucks, I hate it…but it’s part of being alive.
Your “lost and alone” feelings might be a good thing, believe it or not! It means you’re in touch with your authentic self. You’re alive and true, self-aware and insightful. You’re not stuffing your feelings down or hiding behind walls. You’re actually allowing yourself to feel the pain of being alive. It hurts, but it’s the best way to live.
7 Things to Remember When You Feel Like Nobody Cares
“I’ve never felt more alone than I do right now,” says a reader in an email response to on How to Fight the Lies Satan Wants You to Believe. “I’ve never been married and don’t have children. I’ve always been alone but never really felt like nobody cared about me because I chose to be alone. I chose my career and education, I have a PhD and am working towards a second one. But I recently turned 60 and am plagued with thoughts that nobody cares about me, that I’m worthless and don’t matter. I believe those are lies but I don’t know how to fight them.”
That reader hit on the most important thing to remember when you’re struggling with feelings of loneliness, abandonment, and even self-hatred. You won’t always feel this way.
1. You won’t always feel this alone and unloved
If you’re feeling unwanted and lonely because of a recent death, divorce or breakup – or you lost someone you love – then you may need to focus on creating a “new normal” life for yourself. If you’re depressed because of a breakup, then you need to rebuild a new life that is more fulfilling and interesting than the one you left behind. If you’re devastated because you were rejected and you really do believe no one cares about you, then you need to take a deep breath and remind yourself of what is true, good, and pure.
When you’re dealing with deep feelings of being alone, you won’t find quick tips or easy fixes. You need to work through the feelings – and how you do that depends on what brought you this far. If you’re dealing with health or medical issues, then you’ll need a doctor or counselor to help you through.
If you’re “just” coping with existential angst or feeling like nobody cares because of a recent loss or breakup, then you might work through your pain with a few questions. For example, when were you happy in the past? Was your happiness dependent on a person, place or thing? What has changed – and do you want your old life back? How is your spiritual life – do you have a deep-seated feeling of purpose and meaning in your life? Do you need to recreate your life – and if so, can you imagine it being even brighter and more beautiful than before?
2. You matter more than you know – so don’t believe the lies
Last night I was at a friend’s for dinner, and I told her that I want to move to a new city. Vancouver is beautiful, but it’s crowded and expensive and busy. I want to live more simply and quietly. My friend told me that I don’t know how much I’ll be missed by my friends and community here. I waved her away, saying that I actually haven’t connected with many people at all. She disagreed. She said I really don’t have a clue about how much I matter.
It’s the same for you: you matter more than you think. Maybe right now you feel unwanted and like no one cares about you, but deep down you know that there is at least one person in the world who cares about you!
Don’t believe the lies you hear that you’re not good enough, lovable, or valuable. Instead, believe in the love of God who created you and loves you more than you’ll ever know. When you feel like no one cares, simply look up. Take a deep breath. Open your heart and spirit to receive the love, power, and grace of Jesus. The Holy Spirit is always present, always whispering…you need only slow down, listen, and respond. Soak up God’s love, for it is deep, eternal, and constantly available to you.
If you don’t easily feel the presence of God, read How Do I Communicate With the Holy Spirit?
3. You feel alone for a reason
The reason you’re struggling with feeling unwanted is because you’re actually tuning in to how you really think and feel. This is painful and difficult – but it is the best way to live! You’re experiencing a deeper, more important and eternal aspect of life.
When you tell yourself “no one cares about me”, you’re being brave and strong enough to face your true feelings. Do you know how rare this is? Most of us distract ourselves from feeling unwanted and alone by surfing the internet, spending money, making money, doing drugs, seeking adrenalin rushes. Some of us don’t notice our feelings of being lonely because we’re caught up in our families, parenting, jobs, responsibilities, and relationships. But eventually the distraction is taken away, such as with a breakup or death of a loved one, which I talk about in Words of Comfort When Your Heart is Broken.
4. You are close to the truth – and your truest, deepest, most real self
I love that you’re here! You searched the internet because you feel like no one cares. You were drawn to the idea that “Nobody Cares About Me” because you need to reach out – and you’re honest about how you feel. This is good, even though it may not feel great right now.
Something is calling you. Do you perceive it? You are feeling unwanted and you are acting on those feelings because you have a purpose on this earth. You were put here for a reason, and these feelings that no one cares will help you find your purpose. This is happening for a reason. You found “She Blossoms” for a reason. This isn’t just about feeling unwanted and like no one cares about you…this is part of a deeper, more important calling on your life.
Your job is to keep listening for that still small voice. To do that, you need to take time alone. “The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.” – Anne Frank.
5. You WILL get through this and feel lighter and brighter one day soon
It’s lonely and sad to feel like no one cares about you. It hurts. I’m an optimist, but I know what it feels like to be alone in this world. It’s dark, empty, and meaningless. I spent my childhood moving in and out of foster homes. My mom is schizophrenic, my sister refuses to talk to me, and I don’t have a relationship with any other family member. My dad lives in Israel; I didn’t even meet him until I went there when I was 27 years old.
One of the best ways to cope when you feel like no one cares is to remember that these feelings will pass. You will keep going even though you want to give up, and you will feel happy again.
Do you need something external to focus on? Read 10 Ways to Know What to Do With Your Life.
6. Writing through your feelings will help you cope
Better out than in, is what I always say! Don’t suppress your feelings. Keeping your negative, painful emotions bottled up will strengthen and darken them. Instead of burying your feelings of being unwanted, get them out in writing, painting, dancing, running, drawing, knitting, cooking, or even just wailing as if you were dying. Talk to someone you trust about how much pain and emptiness you feel. Ironically, it’s when you feel like no one cares that you’re most likely to bottle your feelings up…but that’s the most important time to express your feelings.
That said, however, don’t expect people to fill the hole in your heart and soul. Only God – through the love of Jesus Christ – can do that. He created you, and He knows what you need. Nothing and no one else can care about you the way God does. Not relationships, parents, partners, food, sex, shopping, drugs, Facebook, or even uplifting newsletters can replace what only God can give you.
7. You can gain strength from an ancient source of wisdom
In 3 Signs You’re Running Away From God, I described what I do when I feel unwanted and like no one cares about me: I always turn to Ecclesiastes in the Bible. There’s something comforting in the wise writer’s words, even though they’re full of pain and loneliness! Maybe that’s why it helps me. The writer – possibly King Solomon – shares how meaningless life is, how lonely, sad, and alone he feels. He says nothing makes him happy, not money or wine or even wisdom. He ends by saying that the only solution is to fear God and obey His commandments.
Why that makes me feel better, I don’t know…I guess it’s because it helps me see that we’re all suffering, we all go through bouts of loneliness and meaninglessness…even people who lived more than 2,000 years felt the lostness and unhappiness we feel. It’s just part of being alive.
Let Go of the Past
I wrote How to Let Go of Someone You Love: Powerful Secrets and Practical for Healing Your Heart to help readers cope with a breakup, divorce, or other loss of a loved one.
If you feel like no one cares about you, you may be holding on to a love that’s over. The pain of breaking up affects every part of your life: your daily routine, work, family relationships, friends, hopes and dreams for your future, and even your financial plans.
It’s time to let go of your belief that nobody cares about you, and that you’ll always be alone. It’s time to pick up the handle of faith, hope, and healing…and to start moving forward into a new season of your life.
Find God in the Waves
In Finding God in the Waves- How I Lost My Faith and Found It Again Through Science, Mike McHargue describes the pain of unraveling belief. He tells the story of how his Evangelical faith dissolved into atheism when he studied the Bible.
His crisis of faith threatened his identity, his friendships, and even his marriage. Years later, Mike was standing on the shores of the Pacific Ocean when a bewildering, seemingly mystical moment motivated him to take another look. But this time, it wasn’t theology or scripture that led him back to God—it was science.
Read through the comments below. You are not alone! Write about how unwanted and alone you feel – you may find yourself feeling lighter and less lonely. Write about how it feels like nobody cares, here in the comments section or in your private journal. If you’re not into journaling, you might write a poem, draw a picture, create a collage, paint a wall. Share your thoughts. See what happens.
I encourage you to respond to other readers’ comments below if you feel led, and to share your experience. Writing often brings clarity and insight, and can help you cope with your feelings.
In peace and passion,