How do you create a new beginning when you’re scared you’ll be alone for the rest of your life? Whether you’re alone by choice or circumstance, these ideas will give you hope and encouragement. You’ll also find sprinkles of inspiration to help you Blossom into the woman you were created to be!
Take a deep breath. Know that it takes time to grow into this new life, this fresh version of you. Use your solitude — even when you don’t want to be alone — to plant seeds and cultivate those tiny little sprouts. Above all, don’t give up hope for a new beginning! Be patient, and challenge yourself to move slowly but steadily into your new world. Allow yourself to howl at the moon…for it will heal your soul.
Why are you facing a new beginning in your life? Maybe you chose to end a relationship because it was unhealthy, or there was no hope for a future. Maybe your husband died, and you’re facing the idea of being alone for the rest of your life. Maybe you’ve never been married or in a committed relationship, and your “new beginning” is simply accepting that you’ll never grow old with a life partner.
Talk to me in the comments section below! Share your story, be honest about why you need hope for a new beginning in your life. Why? Because — if you don’t want to be alone for the rest of your life — you need to get comfortable with being vulnerable.
5 Ways to Hope for a New Beginning
Learning how to deal with your fear of being alone is a huge part of keeping your hope alive! Be honest with yourself: you don’t want to spend the rest of your life alone. This is a natural fear; we were created to be in relationships. Of course you’re scared to be alone. We all are — so you’re not alone in your fear.
Here’s how to hold on to your hope for a new beginning…
1. Accept that you’ll never “get over” your loss
I’m reading a wonderful old book called Beginnings by Betty Jane Wylie. She wrote it four years after her 43 year old husband suddenly died at home after eating Easter dinner. They had four children, all living at home; she was left reeling with shock at being forced to start over as a young widow. It took Betty almost 20 years to learn how to live with her husband; she discovered that she can’t unlearn it all overnight.
“You don’t ever get over it,” writes Betty in Beginnings. “Loss is permanent. Part of you has died, too. So a little wallowing at this time doesn’t hurt…a little howling at the moon might save a lot of tension later on.”
2. Grieve the loss of your old self
Here’s how to hold on to your hope for a new beginning: start remembering who you were before you experienced this loss. When you don’t want to be alone, keep yourself company by taking a trip down memory lane. Who was that girl, before she got married or fell in love or had children? What did she love, hate, do, want to be? Where did she go, who did she go with?
“For in grieving over the loss of another, what we are really doing is giving over our loss of self, all the self that was invested in that person,” writes Betty in Beginnings. “We have to get it back somehow.”
3. Prepare to discover your renewed self
Whether you’re starting over in your 60s after your husband died or you’re recovering from a breakup as a 30 year old woman, it’s time to let go of the “you” you were.
Your new beginning has to involve a renewed you. You can’t be the same woman you were before your loss; you need to find a fresh version of yourself. You don’t have to become new and improved….just renewed in your spirit, soul, mind, and body. This will help when you don’t want to be alone, because it’ll give you something new and interesting to focus on! But you have to choose to move forward. You have to learn how to let go of the past, and start nurturing hope for a new beginning in your life.
4. Take a page from Betty’s book
Are you drowning in your “I don’t want to be alone” thoughts? Maybe you’re so focused on the man you lost — and I am so sorry for your loss, by the way. My heart is broken for you, and I wish you weren’t experiencing this grief.
But it’s time to focus your gaze elsewhere. You can’t think two thoughts at once; your brain is equipped to handle only one thought at a time. So, stop thinking things that destroy your hope for a new beginning. Stop growing those feelings of fear of being alone as you get older.
“Get organized,” writes Betty in Beginnings. “Getting organized takes a lot of time and can usually get you involved enough to tide you over an attack. You can organize your files — you must have files of something you want organized! Sort your recipes. Save things. Throw things out. Go through all your magazines. Clip things. Write things down. Oh, this will make you feel better!”
5. Nurture the Blossoms in your life
What have you seen growing in your life recently? Maybe it’s your own sense of acceptance, peace, surrender to what is. Maybe you’re starting to feel a teeny tiny sprinkle of hope that you can have a new beginning. Maybe you’re comfortable saying you don’t want to be alone, or even admitting that you’re scared to be alone for the rest of your life!
Maybe you’re growing in ways you didn’t expect…or you see growth around you. Maybe you’re learning something new about yourself, or your faith. Maybe you realized that you always put your hope in the wrong things, and you’re beginning to wonder if there is better, more reliable source of hope.
Maybe this new beginning in your life isn’t as scary or difficult as you feared…and maybe you’re beginning to think that you might just Blossom after all.
If you’re struggling with isolation and loneliness, read 7 Things to Remember When You Feel Like No One Cares.
How are you feeling? Talk to me below.
In peace and passion,
Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.