How to Cope When He Says He’s Not in Love With You


You won’t find magic for making the pain disappear when he says “I’m not in love with you anymore”, but you will find comfort and healing in these 10 tips.

Take a deep breath, and know you are not alone. I feel your pain, and I know what it’s like when someone says they love you no more. It’s such a piercing rejection, a shocking bucket of cold water, a sword into your heart. And yet, the numbness! I felt deep shock and numbness when the man I loved said he didn’t love me anymore. So painful, but in the long run my life really was better when he left. I was forced to rebuild, and I Blossomed! And so will you, even now that you know he doesn’t love you anymore. Read through my tips for coping with this type of heartbreak – and know that you are not alone. And, you will feel happy and whole again. This, too, shall pass.

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness,” said Khalil Gibran. “And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.” That’s one tip for when he stops loving you: take a step back and let the air flow between you. Take another deep breath, and know that you are loved.





Below, I describe what “spaces in your togetherness” means. I hate to resort to cliches, but it really is true that when you set something you love free and it comes back to you, it was meant to be. Sometimes you just have to let go, especially when he says he fell out of love with you.

10 Ways to Cope When He Says He Doesn’t Love You

I won’t tell you to try to forget about him, because it feels impossible. You need to grieve, to take care of yourself. You need to cope with the pain of rejection and and move forward in your life…but you also need time to grieve the loss of your relationship.

Allowing yourself to grieve and heal, mourn and move on, is a balancing act. First, you allow yourself to experience the natural grieving process. Then, you start finding ways to rebuild your life.

1. Work through the pain and grief by expressing your emotions

Give yourself time to go through the natural stages of grief. You may still be in shock – you may feel unable to believe that he doesn’t love you. Or maybe you always knew deep down that he wasn’t fully committed to you.

Allow yourself space, privacy, and time to cry and work through your sadness, disbelief, anger, and hurt. Don’t rush yourself through this process. Write in your journal, listen to sad songs about breakups, and let your heart break. You need to move through the pain before you can start to heal. Experiencing the pain IS healing and it will help you mend your broken heart, even though it hurts so much when a husband or boyfriend says he doesn’t love you anymore.

2. Focus on yourself – not on him

You may find yourself thinking about him constantly. What is he doing, why did he fall out of love with you, where is he now, who is he spending time with? What caused him to stop loving you, and when did he fall out of love?

While those questions and feelings are natural, you need to learn how to control your thoughts. This means ending the endless rumination and obsession about him. You need to start rebuilding your self-image and self-respect, and learn what it means to truly love and care for yourself.

For others to love and respect you, you have to love and respect yourself. To love and respect yourself, you may need to make practical, tangible changes in your life. Maybe that means losing a few pounds, going back to school, or spending more time with people you respect. Maybe it means getting up early to exercise or finding out about student loans. Start writing down your goals and taking specific action steps towards achieving them.



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3. Learn how to let go of the man you love

how to let go of someone you loveI wrote How to Let Go of Someone You Love after my sister stopped talking to me. I was in so much pain – I couldn’t seem to let her go – so I interviewed counselors and grief experts about grieving and letting go. I wanted to learn how to deal with the pain when someone says they don’t love you anymore.

The best way to get through something like the pain of heartbreak is to refuse to go through it alone. Instead of continuing to fight your way through the brambles and dark patches, take my hand. Let’s walk each other home.

May you learn that accepting what your boyfriend or husband says is true. He doesn’t love you anymore, and he needs to move on. I pray that you’ll find yourself filled with strength, faith, hope, and peace that surpasses all understanding. May you find solace even as you’re wading through the grief and pain that your relationship is over.

4. Give yourself – and him – space to heal and breathe

Heal by accepting the truth: he said he doesn’t love you anymore, and he means it. This doesn’t mean you’re unlovable or unworthy! It just means his feelings have changed. He fell out of love not because of anything you are, or did, or said…but because of things he may not even be aware of. When a husband or boyfriend says he’s not in love with you, you must accept and surrender to his feelings.

Focus on how you can Blossom in your own life.  One of the most important things to do when he doesn’t love you anymore is to take a step back – though your instinct is to move closer! Find your self-identity. Figure out who you are apart from your marriage, relationship, kids, and relatives. Give yourself (and him) room to breathe.

If you’re struggling with bleakness and despair, read 7 Ways to Deal With Depression After a Breakup.

5. Look at your relationship objectively

You’ve been invested in this marriage or relationship for years; now, you need to look at it objectively, with your mind and gut (not your heart). Is this the relationship you wanted for yourself, before you met him?

Would you want your daughter, sister, or best friend to be in this relationship? Does your partner willingly meet your needs and respect your wishes? Do you do the same for him? If you had to do it all over again, ask yourself if you’d choose him again as your partner. That may help you look at your relationship and decide if you want to stay or leave.

6. Learn what “Everything Belongs” means

Recently, I discovered two phrases that soothe my soul when something falls flat or spirals out of control…

  1. Everything Belongs
  2. Just So

The first comes from Richard Rohr’s Everything Belongs: The Gift of Contemplative Prayer, which describes how to find spirituality in daily life. It’s a deep and thick book – and the title alone is worth chewing on.

boyfriend husband said he doesn't love me anymore

How to Cope When He Says He’s Not in Love With You

“Everything belongs” means that all the heartbreak and all the beauty in the world – and in our lives – is supposed to be here. Our earth is breathtaking and beautiful, and heartbreaking and lonely. Our lives are bittersweet, filled with pain and joy, loss and blessings. Every painful moment and joyous experience is in its place.

We are in our places, exactly as planned. We don’t always feel fantastic, and we haven’t always chosen the things that happen to us, but…everything belongs. Even a man who says he doesn’t love you anymore – even that belongs in your life right now.

7. Practice saying “Just So” every time you feel the pain

Amor Towles’ book A Gentleman in Moscow is the source of my other new favorite phrase: “just so.” In it, a wealthy Russian count is forced to live under house arrest in an old hotel – and yet he has the most charming, lighthearted, positive perspective on life.

Get this: he gets out of bed one morning and cracks his head on the rafter of the ceiling. And what does he do?

“Just so,” he says amiably, and off he goes to fetch his breakfast.

Just So. Because Everything Belongs.

Let’s practice this today. When we’re struggling to accept a loss, when we need words of comfort, when we’re dealing with career changes and computer problems and broken dishwashers and funeral preparations and fears that a relationship isn’t worth fighting for…practice acceptance and surrender.

Feel the difference between saying “just so” because everything belongs (the lightness of acceptance), versus fighting against the reality that you wish wasn’t happening (crushed by the burden of the futility and pain of resistance). Just so, my friend, because everything belongs.

8. Incorporate at least one new activity into your life

Here are a few practical action tips for what to do when he says he no longer loves you:

  • Plan a trip to Thailand, Peru, or Italy
  • Volunteer at a homeless shelter
  • Be a Big Sister volunteer mentor
  • Take a sushi making class
  • Join a snowshoeing or hiking club
  • Take Zumba dance lessons
  • Find a new place to live

It doesn’t matter what the new activities are, really…what matters is that you find new, interesting things to do with your life. Then, when you start obsessing about your ex-boyfriend, you can practice replacing the obsession with something new and interesting.

9. If you can’t accept what he says, find ways to rebuild your love

When He Says I’m Not in Love With You AnymoreYou might want to read I Love You, but I’m Not IN Love with You: 7 Steps to Saving Your Relationship if you’re determined to save your relationship. Author Andrew Marshal is a couples counselor who teaches people how to rekindle their love and rebuild their marriages – even when a boyfriend or husband says he’s not in love with you.

“It doesn’t seem to matter what culture you live in or if you’re a man or woman, this issue of ‘I love you but I’m not in love with you’ seems like it can happen to anyone,” says one reader. “I guess there’s some comfort in the fact that you’re not alone. But make no mistake, this book is a hard read. It forces you to take the rose colored glasses off and really look at your behavior. I had more than one epiphany reading the early chapters, and more than once thought to myself ‘no wonder things are the way they are!’ I understand why my wife said she doesn’t love me anymore, and I am working to change things.”

10. Tell your story – get it out of the darkness, into the light

What is your experience – how did your boyfriend or husband say he doesn’t love you anymore? I welcome you to share your story below. I can’t offer advice or tell you how to get him to fall in love with you again, but sometimes writing brings clarity and insight. Writing can help you heal, help you figure out what happened in your relationship. You may never find all the answers, but you can work through the questions.

Sometimes couples go through ups and downs, peaks and valleys…and it’s possible that this is just a difficult stage of your relationship. But even if you decide that you want to get him back, don’t pursue him right away. Give him time and space to think, to miss you, and to think about life without you.

If your partner doesn’t love you because he’s in love with someone else, read How to Stop Crying When It’s Over.

Hold tight to your memories. Lean on your friends and family for strength. And always remember how much God loves you. You were created for a purpose. You are here for a reason! Even if you feel lost and empty because he says he doesn’t love you anymore…you are beautiful, resilient, and strong enough to rebuild your life.

xo







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206 thoughts on “How to Cope When He Says He’s Not in Love With You

  • Eve

    Hi, I found out in January that my husband of a year and half (been together 13 years, we were each others first) was having an emotional affair with a co-worker! since November he was coming up with excuses – I don’t want kids (we were trying for a year, even saw a specialist) I gave up kids for him, than came the excuse were not friends anymore, than I don’t think I love you.
    All the time he was wanting to fix things.
    Than I found out about her in January and that he had feelings for her! I told him to choose, he wanted to fix things but than that weekend she left her husband and so mine left me!
    End of January he had chosen her, they are now buying an apartment and are moving in together.
    Its only been 3 months and they have moved so quickly.
    How can he just do that! we weren’t having any major issues.
    During this time my house was sold and divorce is being spoken of.
    I’m going out of my mind, I love him and want to fix things, he’s not acting himself at all.
    He says he still cares about me, that he’s worried about me and wants to be friends, he even wants to help me find somewhere to live.
    Will he wake up one day and realise what he has done?

    • Brittany

      If his love for you is real- yes, he will realize what he has done. I had a similar situation going on which leads to why I believe yes. I was with my first from the time I was 16 to 22. At 22, I found out about all the cheating he was doing, all the girls he was messing around with, he even dated someone shortly after I left him for it. Were now about to be 25 and he asked me to marry him. He has apologized and fully acted in ways that have helped me understand and accept that before was simply the wrong time. Have faith, and stay strong. Dont let him think he still has control over your life and your emotions. Grow as you would if he were next to you, and maybe he will be once again.

  • Paulina

    Hey
    Im Paulina, currently 18 years old. I experienced first love, and it lasted for 2 years. We were/are classmates. We have seen each other every day. We have known each other better then anyone else did. Im a really complicated person, but I felt he is the ONLY person who accepts me for who I am.
    Our story began with a friendzone. He adored me. He was obsessed. He couldn’t stop fighting for me. Eventually I gave him a chance and I felt the best with him. We had arguments, we are both jealous types.
    But we were inseparable. Like my twins sister used to say like a married couple. We were out of this crazy teenage world of drinks and parties. We were the two against the whole world. It was like I found somethings special. Unfortunately we broke up twice. But every time we got back I felt like…our love is like immortal. Every time we survived something like this, I felt undying love.
    But then for the 3rd time we had to keep our relationship is secret.
    And that is what broke everything.
    We couldnt meet that much. At school we had to act like friends. He started to talk with more and more girls. My other twin commited failed suicide right at the beginning of our new fresh start. I became paranoid.
    Now he broke up with me. He doesnt adore me the way he did. And now I feel that im that super complicated person again, and no one can understand my thoughts, and maybe they dont even want to.
    Im super lost. His love was so intense so big and he moved on in 1 week…after Everything we had.
    He still looks at me. He wants to dance with me at the prom. But he pushes me away with the fact that ” I have ruined everything”.
    I was trying so hard to get him back. First I started the no contact rule but then he started to date someone and I freaked out. HE, the one, who was loving every part of me. After one week.
    I felt heartbroken.
    We still see each.other every day. I try not to look at him and try to concentrate. But I always realize im so alone without my partner. Without my soulmate. I seek for hope every time I think about us.
    Moving on seems like destroying every beautiful moment we had. Feels like killing a part of you that cares. He lies about liking that girl, but they spend the whole day together, and just right after we broke up. He says im pathetic everytime he can. He says I should just get fucked because that is what I am. He is mad and angry. He changed like a cursed child. Will he be the old boy ever again?
    I tried to seek for help. But everyone seems to have their own problems. I will go to a psychologist, but im afraid to tell them my teenage love life after a kid who lost their parents or something much worse.
    Time will solve everything. I know.
    I still have to focus on being happy, but without my soulmate it seems impossible.

  • Nicole

    Okay so I am still sort of young, I just turned 21 a month ago. I started dating this boy when I was 19. We broke up last April, got back together in May & lasted until July. So I would say we were together for about a year. He is 2 years older than me. We were in love, spent a lot of time together. Our last breakup happened due to the fact that he said he wasn’t in love with me anymore. the first time was because he didn’t find me as physically attractive as he did. he thought I was fat and wished I was naturally prettier. My confidence took a 180. I was so blinded by love and I feel that I still am. I never judged him or made him feel bad about himself. We were best friends. We break up and continue to talk after… and hook up. I become really sad and depressed because I feel used and he’s confused. He wanted to be friends. & when I would try and move on, he would make me feel really bad. We just cut things off 3 weeks ago and I told him to leave me alone … & I ask him if he ever sees us getting back together. He says that only time apart can tell. so we stop talking and I find it weird that he actually listened to me. he never messaged me, which I thought was really weird. So I ask him “do you not miss me anymore?” And he says “I think I should be honest with you” & I said, “I agree”. So he tells me that he met someone and they’ve been talking. I respond oh okay, cool! Thanks.
    I don’t know how to feel or what to say. I am just so hurt and sad. I know I deserve better I just can’t seem to find the motivation. Should I say anything to him? do I hate him? Do I let it go?

    • Avery

      Nicole, this guy is a POS. He’s manipulating you.

      I fail to understand why women continue to put out for men that are so blatantly using them. I get it if it’s mutually agreed that a relationship is purely sexual, but this guy is controlling you without making an emotional investment in you, and you’re playing along hook, line, and sinker.

      You want to be worthy of being loved? Start with respecting yourself by telling the guy to go f**k himself.

    • Claudia

      Hi Nicole, i dont know the whole story but from what i read i am in the same position my husband Or idk what to call him anymore but anyways he said he didnt find me attractive and that hes feeling had changed from when we first met. He said i had gained weight and i knew that i wasnt taking much care of myself maybe because i felt comfortable with him. I met him when he was alittle more over weight and then when he lost alot of weight and then he gained it but that never gave me a reason to leave him. Work on your body workout even when it is difficult so he sees youre working on it. Maybe give it time but not too much it is really hard to wait when hes the one you want but talk to him seriously about the him talking to someone else because you need to know that isnt fair at all i hope things get better for you and if you love him find out and see go with what you feel dont give up. Best luck to you.

  • Janelle

    Im so glad to have seen this. Im going through the same right now. My so is military and we have a child. A 10 month old. He told me almost a week ago that he doesnt want to be with me anymore after finding out he was planning on leaving me. He says he doesnt love me anymore and that Im not what he wants anymore. My heart is breaking. Im not working because Im a stay at home mom. I want to work on things but he doesnt. When hes not at work hes sat on his computer playing video games. So I feel like he just doesnt see me anymore. Ive gained a tremendous amount of weight in the past few years before having the baby and I hate my body. I feel like he does too. Im lost and my heart breaks for my baby. As we have to move 3 provinces away. Im heart broken. I love him with all my heart and i want nothing more but to work this out.

    • Claudia

      Hi Janelle,

      Maybe hes saying that because he knows hes leaving and maybe he knows youre gonna stay alone back home and sad. I understand you how youre feeling when they say youre not what they want anymore because i was told that. I have been trying to just workout to feel better about myself. Maybe we just lost our selves and got too comfortable in not taking care of our bodies :/ your situation sounds alittle similar to mine also my husband used to only play on his xbox with his friends and wouldnt really pay attention to me. You could try talking to him but i feel men that were in the military can be difficult to talk to :/ goodluck to you and that things get better for you and him and your baby 🙂

  • Claire

    I am glad i came across this. My husband a and kicked me on Saturday. This is the second this has happened. I had to it from his that he he fell out of love with me. An arising issue we constantly had was his communication with his baby momma. He me on Saturday hes always going to have feelings for her. Ive prayed and fought for my marriage im wondering if this could be God telling me something?

  • Claudia

    We were together for 5 years ..married for 3.. we had a our last fight 2 weeks ago before he told me he wasnt happy and didnt find me attractive anymore he said i care for you but i wasnt happy i don’t understand what happend i used to do everything for him he was in the army i waited months weeks days never cheated om him i only had eyes for him i used to not work when he was in the army i would always be there for him to tell me about his days i would cook every day clean and wash and care for him when he was sick i used to sacrifice my sleep to take care of him always always i only had eyes for him. We met out of nowhere he met me when he was going to join the army he couldnt have met me but he broke his foot and that delayed the date of him leaving and because of that he met me … i felt that it was a sign of god that we met because i wasnt looking for love i was focusing on school but it happend he looked for me he wanted to keep in touch .. anyways i was always here for him waited because i felt in my heart that i was worth it he said he wanted to be with me he wanted to marry me and now 4 years later he says i dont find you attractive anymore this has to end i had felt like this the past months .. yes i noticed a little difference that he didnt pay attention to me as much anymore more cold towards me but i didnt give up i still love him i know i wasnt being the perfect wofe he had when i used to not work .. i wouldnt cook as often sometimes there was a mess at home and we would fight more often of money problems but i didnt think he didnt love anymore but he was lying … now when he said he didnt find me attractive and didnt feel the same anymore that it was done nothing else to do i decided to leave … he just says what he wants is to be alone and focus on what he wants and what he wants is to be alone he says he cares but thats it he says there is no solution anymore. I want to give him time ans space but all i wish is to run to him wakeup and that everything could be happiness but it is not i feel alive but dead i dont care about nothing or anyone he took days of work he said hes lonely but only cuz he was used to me.. He will be going back to his parents house. This is just so difficult my days are just darkness he says he understands because a girlfriend he had in high school left him and he thought about having a future with her. I dont know what to think anymore how can someone who i felt loved me so strong not love me at all anymore. He said he wanted kids with me when i was ready and when we were stable.. I feel used i feel like i wasted my time.. he cries but i dont know why and also why is it difficult for him when he doesnt love me or find me attractive thats why he didnt wanna try to make it work anymore it was unexpected for me but he said he had been thinking about this for some time…

    • SandyBay

      I’m so sorry to hear your story Claudia. I understand how you feel. It’s really hard when someone checks out of the relationship when you’ve given them your heart. I wonder if his change of heart has something to do with depression or post dramatic stress disorder from being in the army. It sounds like you tried your best and were a very good partner. Maybe you lost yourself a little bit. Maybe this is a time for you to learn more about yourself and what truly makes you happy independent of another person. I’ve spent the last year healing and finding myself and I think when I do fall in love again I’ll be much wiser and more equipped to handle being in a relationship. My heart goes out to you. You’re not alone. Try and be gentle and good to yourself. Just do the next right thing and then the next.

      • Claudia

        Thankyou Sandy and well this is just hard to deal with every day i feel empty. I wish to have made this work but he does not want to anymore. I am trying to work on myself and i do i work i go to the gym and spend time with family but i still feel lost and we have talked but he still stands still on saying this is it and we are just dealing with the car stuff and bank stuff 🙁 thats it..

        • Sandy Bay

          Hey Claudia,

          Its so good that you are going to the gym and surrounding yourself with family. I know how lost and devastated you must feel. One thing that has helped me is knowing I have to take care of myself if I’m going to be any help to anyone else. I promise it will get easier over time. Sometimes I would just cry and cry. Terrible days but increasingly a good day would come around. Also, you may want to find a good therapist or life coach in your area. The support of a professional could be really helpful. I know sometimes the costs can be an issue but often they have a sliding scale to help people that are stuck. Another thing that helped me is to see good friends everyday. I became pretty isolated in my relationship. Being around happy healthy people helped me to see how warped my toxic relationship was. Now I’m very selective about people in my life. The people I surround myself with treat me like a precious gem. I feel supported, respected and cherished more than I ever have in my life. Looking back this relationship helped me to create a much better life. Love and hugs to you. I’ll be thinking about you and everyone else that has stumbled on this forum.

          • Claudia

            Hey Sandy,
            Thanks again for the reply thanks for taking your time to respond to me it is been really hard sometimes i feel okay but i cant seem to distract myself and i try my hardest. I seem to cry out of nowhere because all i wanted was to us not give up we went through so many things together we were almost homeless and he gained and los weight and gained and i never left him i stayed he knows im worth it he says but all he wants to be is alone he says i dont know because i want to give him time and space but i would think time and space would probably make him forget about me 🙁 I dont want to give up i want to try but he doesnt want to i dont want to pressure him and idk if maybe hanging out but not talking about nothing bad would be okay im just scared. I have not shared anything with friends or family about what im going through. I saw him and he was trying to make me laugh and joking around i was like what? In my mind. But still he doesnt talk to me unless its something that has to do with our cars our phones stuff we had accounts together in.

  • M

    I was in a physically abusive relatioship for two years and i had been sexually attacked several times as an adolescent. I was a drug addict. Then i met my amazing man of a fiance. Beautiful blue eyes very handsome and just amazing. He was the first person my entire life who showed me how to be sober how to attack life how to grow . we have been together 8 years this august. Well the past 2 months or so its really gone down hill. Hes always had a short fuse and a temper but its really gotten bad. He has never hit me. But the words he says are so hurtful. He says im crazy and i need to fix myself but will not admit he needs to work on himself. I try everything he wants me to do. I am in counseling i am on medication i deleted facebook i bought a game even though i really didnt want to but he wants me to play. When we have our talks 90 percent is him telling me what i need to change. As soon as i open my mouth and tell him what i think he needs to change you wont believe the responses i get. One day we were talking and he ran to the bathroom and threw up. Then we continued to talk he clutched his chest and winced in pain like he was having a heart attack went into the bathroom turned the shower on and locked the door. Hes never done that before. Locked a door on me. Most of the time he will say his blood pressure is up hes to mad and doesnt want to talk no more. I barely can even finish tellinf him he has a temper problem before he has this reaction. He cant go out in public without taking a valium or hell have a panic attack. He wont goto a counselor. He wont go to a counselor with me. He tells me he wants to see his family that lives 500 miles away and i tell him go and see how you feel about me in a couple of weeks then come back and make a decision . in these past two months hes said im stupid retarted no body wants to hear me speak he doesnt love me anymore hes only with me cuz he feels sorry for me. Ive heard it all. I understand i have some issues but i am never mean to him. Tonight he kissed me and an hour later told me he doesnt care about me no more. I am confused. I think he is very depressed litterally lays on couch 85 percent of day. The only time he get up is to cook and do dishes. Yes atleast he does that. I almost want to force him to go see his family. I think the time apart would be good for both of us. If i could drag him to the car and take him i would. I believe very much through sickness and in health. We have been through so much in these 8 years please god show me the way

  • Ashley

    I met a man and it was love at first site. I never believed in the notion but it happened. Everything was wonderful, a fairytale. For the first time in my life I felt like I belonged. His family was wonderful. Everything was amazing. I was extremely happy for the first time in my life. I have my own house, car, career and then the love of my life to complete me. Then things changed. He would only text me, tell me he missed me and wanted to see me but he didn’t. He lead me on for months. He would tell me im literally everything he is looking for, im beautiful and amazing. He would plan to see me and I would feel so unbelievable happy and hopeful and then he would say he can’t and it crushed me. He did this over and over again. He made me lose my dignity. He made me feel like a fool. Eventually he told me he wasn’t interested anymore, he didn’t love me and that I forced things. This further crushed my soul. One day I decided I wanted to end my pain. I couldnt take it no more. I overdosed on Tylenol PM in an attempt to end my life. I thought i was really going to die and I wanted to but I didnt. I spent a night intubated in the ICU, and another 3 days in the hospital recovering before I was transferred to a mental hospital for the next 2 weeks. I am home now but I’ll never be the same. Everyday is a constant struggle to get out of bed. I think about him day and night. I can’t get him out of my head. My sister text him and told him what happened. He asked why he was being notified and never asked if I was ok. I tell myself how could I love someone like that. but I do. It hurts deeply. I lost my soulmate. I lost myself. I lost my will to live. I am severely depressed. I feel like it’s my fault, I’m unlovable, doomed. I have to fight to stay alive everyday holding onto hope that things will get better one day. I want to be who I was before I met him. I wish I never met him. He took something from me and I want it back. I want my old self back. I will never be the same.

    • SandyBay

      Hi Ashley, I’m so sorry. It sounds very toxic and abusive to me. You may want to research emotional abuse to get a handle on why you still feel in love with this man.
      I would suggest that you make healing your priority. I’ve been through something similar and that’s what I’m doing. Sending love and strength.

  • Tania

    You don’t deserve that. My husband replaced me whilst he was crashing on my couch before he moved out. It still hurts but overtime it will become easier. Give yourself time to grieve fully. Surround yourself with people who are supportive and walk. My dog and I would just walk on our own and I always felt a bit better for it. You have to remember that you are a special person who deserves to be treated with respect. I still struggle with that at times but when my daughter who is autistic throws her arms around me and she reminds me that I am strong and special to someone . You are special and deserve so much better.

  • Mae

    I was the one who posted about my 9 year relationship that ended in just a snap. I am now learning to accept that its over, but whats making it worst is that i found out a week after we broke up and called off our wedding, he got wed to another girl thru civil rites. Its such a shame how his love dies in an instant and how quickly i was replaced. Everythings happening so fast i couldnt handle this heartbreak after heartbreak. I dont know if i could take this all in this too much pain and i dont deserve this. How can he do this to me when all i did was love him and did everything to maintain our relationship.

  • Olga

    I love him so so much, but he told me he doesn’t love me back! He just broke up with me and live me alone. I cried all day long. He said i’m not attractive enough and boring for him. But i can try to work on it. He just blocked me. He don’t want to see or hear anything about me. And i thinking about him every time!

    I love him, i need him, he’s my life. Why this world is so cruel. I don’t wan’t to leave anymore(((

    • natasha

      Olga, mine left a year ago and we have a 4 year old son.ive tried for a year to speak to him to just anger him and get verbal abuse.He was the love of my life.

      Its been the most difficult thing to accept in my life but sadly we cannot control how the other person feels.

      Acceptance is the most gut wrenching thing and it’s a long journey!I haven’t even got half way there yet as I’ve delayed the process and he has used me for emotional comfort sex and I’ve allowed it.I hoped he would realise but it’s evident he cannot be bothered to try at all.
      Does he have his own issues?sometimes depression can make you look at someone different.im sure he’s attracted to you.its a defense mechanism on his part.

      How long were you together and do you know if he has something going on with him or factors that put a strain on you both?

      I wish we could meet as I feel like life is broken and we could try to help each other.
      i know it will get easier.
      Trust me I will 😊

  • Melinda

    My boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago. We bad a beautiful serious relstionship but once we had a heated argument and didn’t have chance to tall about it. Next time he visited me told me he didn’t love me anymore and we should break up. I couldn’t believe it that after all the travels and memories he says he isn’t in love with me. I tried to contact him to give a chance, to talk it through, to go to therapy but he refused. He said things he missed me and hoped we couls continue, but we just cant. He didn’t try to solve the problem, he thought the best way was to break up. He then blocked me 2 months later as he thought this was the easiest way. I felt terrible. I couldn’t believe he didn’t love me and try to fight to get him talk to me. We then talkes again after 2 months, he said he had a girlfriend and that he is sorry for the pain he caused. He told me he misses me as a person but not as love. I broke off the contact and blocked him because I still have feelings. I try to accept his decision, but it’s painful that he didn’t try to solve why he didn’t love me but just simply broke up with me. I wish I acted differently after the break up, more mature, and I wished he tried to solve things before actually breaking up with me. Now, I have no more chance to talk about it. What would it solve? I have to let him go and live his life. It hurts that he found a girlfriend after 4 months. I still might love him and if he asked, forgive him. I knew it will never happen and that makes me sad. To me, he was the one.

  • Brittany

    Me and my fiance have been bumping heads since we’ve moved in together … yesterday he told me that we are no longer fiance and fiance but boyfriend and girlfriend.. that hurt, but why hurt more is what he said today .. He’s no longer in love with me, and that hurts sooo much. Not just because im deeply in love with him, but because this is my first love, who broke my heart, time and time again, early on.. Even while we was breaking me, I was in love with him.. But now he’s not in love with me and I feel like I’m losing it.. he hardly speaks to me, doesn’t touch me, won’t let me hug him and refuses to hear me say I love you..I want our relationship to work but I don’t know what to do..

    • Melinda

      Hi Brittany,

      I know how you feel but as I understand he didn’t leave you. I think that means he is open to a conversation and to solve things together. I think you have to make him understand you need to talk about it and solve your problems. Don’t let it go if there’s still a chance.

      Best,
      Melinda

      • Brittany

        You were right. We needed to talk, to put our problems out in the open. We both have alot of growing to do, and maybe it’s best, we get better at solving are issues before becoming engaged again. I love him, I’ve loved him since I was 16, and because this is what I want, I have to continue fighting . Understanding one another has been our issue, but I think we’re finally making ways. Thanks so much,
        Brittany

  • WS

    We’ve been together for 7 months, it was my first real relationship and i gived him everything. He was alway caring and lovely towards me. On Sunday he was meant to come over to mines but instead of coming upstaris he asked if i can meet him outside. we sat outside and he said “I don’t know how to say this but i’m no longer in love with you. I love you but I’m not in love with you. I’ve been trying to figure out what to do, I have talked to my friends, parents and sister.” I was so overwhelmed and out of words that i just asked what’s now and he said ” I don’t know, you’re like a perfect match for me in everyway, I don’t know why my feelings dissapeard….I’m sorry” he hagged me multiple Times but i just didn’t knew what to say, I would want to fix it, its been only a day and i don’t know what to do. I haven’t texted him but did we broke up without saying it’s over, should i texted him in few days to talk it through?

    • Melinda

      Dear WS,

      I went through the same and unfortunately I made a lot of mistakes. I pushed him to talk when he couldn’t and that led to a lot of argument that destroyed our relationship even more. I think now you should give him time to see how things are without you. A few weeks or a month. He will contact you, my ex contacted me as well although he said almost the same things as your boyfriend. If there’s no contact, try to reach him but I advise you not to push things. It’s hard but it will cause more damage than good.

      Best,
      Melinda

  • C ketia

    My boyfriend just broke up with me ,saying “He’s disgust” all i want in our relationship was his love and attention. He said that i act like a child and that hurt me so much. We’ve been together for 2 years, he’s my first true love, i never came myself to another the way i gave myself to him. However, i never felt like i was his priority; he never had time for me, i see him once in a month or two, i dont even know his family, daughter neither his friends. I almost felt single when i’m not. I love him so much that i even begged for his attention. The reason i held on our relationship is because i’m so afraid of change and that breaking up with him will leave a void in my life i’m afraid of being lonely.

  • Mae

    My 9 year relationhip ended in just a snap. I blame myself for its all my fault. We dont have the perfect relationship but we go through it all together. During our 1st year together i got pregnant. We lost our baby. Inspite all that he promised to be a better man after that. I love him so much with all my heart. His face constantly reminded me our child. I prayed for us always.
    Our relationship was tested 4 years ago i felt that our relationship has become stagnant. I needed space that time. I told him so. I met another man and that man reminded me of him. Until 1 day he caught us. I know he loves me. I thought he has forgiven me for that mistake. We worked hard to stay together. We were happy and made those challenges lessons for a much more stronger healtier relationship. We were happy then up until he has to leave 3months ago to work far away. He has to work far away for him to be able to provide for our future. Before he left we got enganged. He said he was the happiest when i said yes. I am too. We planned together babies ànd building a happy home. While we are in long distance relationship everything changed. I got worried that he hasnt contacted me for almost a month saying his phones broken. Until 3 days ago he called saying he no longer love me. I asked why and i cant believe because we were so happy planning our future together. He said to me he cant forget what happen 4years ago when i dated another man. He thought he can forgive or accept but he didnt. He said he had no one to talk to about it and its killing him. All the days we were not in proper communication all past events keeps coming back to his head. I thought we were past this and moved on because we were happy and inlove. But i guess his love is not strong enough. Now, i am left devastated, i have been with him all these years, worked hard to make us happy, Everthing i already have given to him. I am to blame for all of this. What hurt the most after all that weve been through, am i not worth the fight. I dont understand why in just a snap he has lost his love when he didnt even talk to me how he felt when we were far away. He was loyal and faithful and i broke him.
    Its been 4 days now. And im trying really hard to taccept and i i felt like im going crazy. The past still haunts us and now it consumes us. I love him so much so much more when he has proposed to me. But now its gone.
    Ive been reading all posts here. And its my first time to tell my story. And at least this made me cut a little burden in my heart. Thanks to all your stories. So inspiring how you all got stronger after.

    • SandyBay

      I’m sorry to read your story mae. It hurts right now but I promise it does get easier. Try to forgive yourself. People make mistakes. You are loved. I know what it’s like to put so much into a relationship and have it crumble in front of you. It will make you so much stronger and so much more capable of deeper love.

  • Ladi V

    Like most on here i feel the same emotions. Im not going to go into details about my situation. However, I will say reading and reading this site plus all the stories below has shown me that Im not alone in what Im feeling nor am I as crazy to be in love with someone who doesnt recognize how great I am. I want to personally thank the author of this website as well as all of you who openly share and pour your feelings out so that ones like me who feel alone in our thoughts and actions know we are not as alone as we believe. I pray for each of you and just like Ive learned today “just so, everything belongs” isnt for him not loving but for me to love myself that much more! God Bless the reader. #staystrong

  • Helga

    I am so glad to reach this website today. My boyfriend moved out from our common flat almost 3 months ago. My heart was broken, I was talking and asking him to come back without any positive answer. He said his feelings have changed and he can’t handle my bad habbits, he is not happy like that. He has to be selfish now – he said – and move out, otherwise we not gonna have a future together. He need space and time to think because he doesn’t want to make a bad decision. I was devastated and heartbroken, because I didn’t know what exactly he meant by saying bad habbits and did started to focus on myself and figure out everything by myself. I gave him an other month without even contacting him. I did realize a lot of things, what I have to change, what we should figure out together. But the most important was that I would like to get him back. After the month has passed I also had to move out from our common flat and let him know about the details regarding to the moving. I also said, I want to talk to him. He didn’t want to. Not even about the flat. So I pushed him again to talk and asked.him to listen to me, hoping he will realize how many things I have figured out alone. We ended up really fighting, because he didn’t event want to hear out us anymore, he was blaming and yelling at me and said, everything was bad and my fault in our relationship. He was yelling that he doesn’t love me but he hates me now. I just couldn’t let him go… I felt so said that he couldn’t even listen that I just lost my mind. Since then I have moved home to my parents and try to rebuild myself again. I didn’t contact him since then, just wrote him a farewell letter (what I would have told him, if he could have listen to me that night). Since then there was 1-2 days when he was constantly calling and texting me because the moving out from the flat got urgent. He had to solve them, but I couldn’t answer him. I just couldn’t pretend it’s easy for me because he didn’t even want to listen to me before.

  • janene

    we were in a heated argument because he stopped speaking to me for days, i approached and told him lets talk and he became angry and to the top of his lungs so i became argumentive also, he then says i have falling out of love with you.

  • Leny Babe

    good evening sir/ maam; i am really broken hearted as of this moment because we just broke up with my boyfriend. he really do such effort and he is so loyal and faithful to me. one problem is that im so abusive. before i just took him for granted. when we got problem i always says break up because i used to do it because i know he cant afford to lose me . that scenario always rep[eating until such time now he says he gave up on me and that doesnt love me anymore . i admit because of thats why he did it and i can blame him. but i know that he still loves me but always says he doesnt love me anymore . he ignores me and doesnt reply my txtback . he was so sincere in saying those things. i didnt believe that he has another girl because he was so attentive on me . my problem is that i want to get him back . he always emphasize that thats why he gave up on me its because of my negative attitude and he was tired of it already . i love him . i want to take him back . what to do ?

  • Bee

    My husband and i where together for 11 years. We are highschool sweethearts and well our relationship seemed to be going great when all of a sudden he dropped the bomb on me. I never saw it coming and felt like my whole world fell apart when it happened. We separated July 18, he told me he was not happy and that he didnt feel the same way anymore. Then came the confessions of cheating and how he could no longer look me in the eye knowing what he had done. I was a complete mess, i begged him to work on the relationship despite the cheating and everything i wanted to make this work. I just couldnt believe that just the day before we where out having dinner like we usually would and the next day he was breaking up with me. Afterwards he said he needed to work on himself. Its been 3 months going on 4 and in that time many things have happened. I left the country for 2 months because i knew that if i stayed here it would be to hard for me to stop looking for him. That was the best decision i made because now that i am back, i feel so much better and although it is still hard i know that i will get through this. Im not even going to lie, i still have that small glimmer of hope that he will regret his decision and will come back, but i cant sit around waiting for that. I now realize that his unhappiness is not my fault and i realize that i cant blame myself for his actions. We talked a few days ago to discuss the divorce which i agreed for him to file, and told him i would sign the papers without a fight. Although that is not what i want, i wont keep him married to me if he is sure this is what he wants. I have been working on me, have lost some weight, and am feeling good about myself. I will let him go and if it is meant to be than he will come back to me, if not then theres something better for me out there. Coming from the girl who just a few months ago felt like she couldnt go on without him and that her life and dreams where over YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT!!! It does get easier, you just have to believe in you and more importantly realize that this is not your fault. I still struggle a little some days but i can tell you i am nowhere near the mess i was when it all happened. Something i do advice is to not beg it will make things worse trust me. I humilliated myself and it did not work, you will only give him more power and will reassure him that he made the right decision. Now i dont evem feel like calling or texting. I dont even feel the need to have to see him when a few months ago i felt like i couldnt go a day without communicating with him. It will be hard trust me i know but it will get easier. I hope this helps someone going through this right now.

    • Sarah

      Thank you ,your story helps. My husband and I were together for 16 years married for 12. We have 2 beautiful children. My husband held a lot of secrets from me for a long time and I did everything in my power to make him happy and take care of our children and it wasn’t enough. I feel so lost seeing him and knowing my feelings go un met. We decided to be amiable and get along for the boys and I figured that is better than not having him in my life at all. He says he still cares for me but isn’t in love with me. It hurts like a knife to hear or say. He will always be in my life because of our children and I was caught so unaware. It has been a little over 2 weeks and I know it will get easier but it really sucks right now. I ask him how this happened but he can’t tell me, all he tells me is how great I am what an ass he was and that I did everything he ever asked and basically there is nothing that can be done. I want my boys to have their father here and I wish he was too but there is nothing I can do and I hate how powerless I feel.

      • Tania

        Hi Sarah
        Your story is basically my story and it does suck. Do you have support around you by family and friends? My sister in law is my rock. My husband didn’t even stay with me the day my dad died he still went to work as life goes on. You have to be prepared for things like that. Once mine told me that he finds me dull and boring and he is not in love with me anymore our relationship is pure room mate feeling. You will need support as some days are harder. Your kids may sense the change in the relationship too so they may start to act up a bit when you are all together.
        You need to work out if you can stay knowing that you will be hurt at times and knowing that the person who you love wont say it or act it back. It is very hard.