How to Accept the Most Painful Words You’ll Ever Hear

Hearing someone you love say “I don’t love you anymore” may cause you more pain than any other words you’ve ever heard. The rejection and abandonment is heartbreaking. The loss and shock is unbelievable. I know how it feels, but I have no quick or easy ways to heal a broken heart. I do, however, have words of comfort and encouragement. You’ll find support and compassion in the comments left by other readers. You are not alone.

How do you cope with shock when someone you love says they aren’t in love with you? I felt like I’d die when it happened to me. My heart was broken. I thought I’d never get over the shock, emptiness or loneliness. I was numb. I couldn’t believe it when the man I loved said he didn’t love me anymore. It was really painful…but I got through it. I was forced to rebuild, to start over. And here I am to help, comfort, and encourage you as you adjust to the reality that he doesn’t love you anymore. You will feel happy and whole again. This, too, shall pass.

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness,” said Khalil Gibran. “And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.” That’s one tip for when he stops loving you: take a step back and let the air flow between you. Take another deep breath, and know that you are loved.

Below, I describe how healthy and good it means to have spaces in your togetherness. This is an important practice when you’re going through a breakup – and it’s even more important when you’re in a new relationship! And believe me, you will be in a new relationship again one day. For now, remember that if you can set your boyfriend or husband free – especially when he has told you in multiple ways that does not love you anymore – you yourself will be set free.

Sometimes you just have to let go, especially when he says he fell out of love with you.

9 Ways to Cope When He Says He Doesn’t Love You

I won’t tell you to try to forget about him; it’s impossible to forget about someone you love. But you can let go. These tips will show you how to grieve and take care of yourself. Learning how to cope with the pain of rejection and and move forward in your life isn’t easy, but it the healthiest thing to do when a man says he no longer loves you.

Grieving, healing, and starting over is a process. It takes time. You may find yourself moving forward and then falling back into your old patterns. That’s okay! That’s how the healing process works. Allow yourself to grieve the end of your relationship in your own way, at your own pace. When you are ready, you will start finding ways to rebuild your life.

1. Express how you feel in order to heal

Give yourself time to go through the natural stages of grief. You may still be in shock – you may feel unable to believe that he doesn’t love you. Or maybe you always knew deep down that he wasn’t fully committed to you.

Allow yourself space, privacy, and time to cry and work through your sadness, disbelief, anger, and hurt. Don’t rush yourself through this process. Write in your journal, listen to sad songs about breakups, and let your heart break. You need to move through the pain before you can start to heal. Experiencing the pain IS healing and it will help you mend your broken heart, even though it hurts so much when a husband or boyfriend says he doesn’t love you anymore.

Read What to Remember When You Feel Like No One Cares.

2. Focus on yourself – not on him

You may find yourself thinking about him constantly. What is he doing, why did he fall out of love with you, where is he now, who is he spending time with? What caused him to stop loving you, and when did he fall out of love? While those questions and feelings are natural, they are unanswerable. It’s a waste of time and energy to endlessly ruminate, obsess, and talk about him.

Instead, accept that it is time to start rebuilding your self-image and identity. Learn what it means to truly love and care for yourself. Right now, your top priority is healing and letting go of someone who doesn’t want you in his life right now. It hurts and it is very sad…but if you accept this breakup for what it is, you will heal.

3. Give yourself – and him – space to heal and breathe

It hurts, but you will heal if you accept the truth: he said he doesn’t love you anymore. Whether or not he means it isn’t your business. He may be confused, unhealthy, addicted – who knows? It just means his feelings have changed. He fell out of love not because of anything you are, or did, or said…but because of things he may not even be aware of.

When a man says he’s not in love with you, you can’t know what he is truly thinking or feeling. The healthiest thing you can do is accept how he feels. More importantly, pay attention to how you think and feel. Take a step back from him and your relationship. Your instinct may be to move closer and try to win him back, but you will lose yourself in the process. You’ll also send him running farther away. Find your self-identity. Figure out who you are apart from your marriage, relationship, kids, and relatives. Give yourself room to breathe.

4. Learn how to let go

how to let go of someone you love

I wrote How to Let Go of Someone You Love after my sister stopped talking to me. I was in so much pain – I couldn’t seem to let her go – so I interviewed counselors and grief experts about grieving and letting go. I wanted to learn how to deal with the pain when someone says they don’t love you anymore.

The best way to get through something like the pain of heartbreak is to refuse to go through it alone. Instead of continuing to fight your way through the brambles and dark patches, take my hand. Let’s walk each other home.

May you learn that accepting what your boyfriend or husband says is true. He doesn’t love you anymore, and he needs to move on. I pray that you’ll find yourself filled with strength, faith, hope, and peace that surpasses all understanding. May you find solace even as you’re wading through the grief and pain that your relationship is over.

5. Look at your relationship objectively

You’ve been invested in this marriage or relationship for years; now, you need to look at it objectively, with your mind and gut (not your heart). Is this the relationship you wanted for yourself, before you met him?

Would you want your daughter, sister, or best friend to be in this relationship? Does your partner willingly meet your needs and respect your wishes? Do you do the same for him? If you had to do it all over again, ask yourself if you’d choose him again as your partner. That may help you look at your relationship and decide if you want to stay or leave.

6. Learn what “Everything Belongs” means

Recently, I discovered two phrases that soothe my soul when something falls flat or spirals out of control…

  1. Everything Belongs
  2. Just So

The first comes from Richard Rohr’s Everything Belongs: The Gift of Contemplative Prayer, which describes how to find spirituality in daily life. It’s a deep and thick book – and the title alone is worth chewing on.

“Everything belongs” means that all the heartbreak and all the beauty in the world – and in our lives – is supposed to be here. Our earth is breathtaking and beautiful, and heartbreaking and lonely. Our lives are bittersweet, filled with pain and joy, loss and blessings. Every painful moment and joyous experience is in its place.

We are in our places, exactly as planned. We don’t always feel fantastic, and we haven’t always chosen the things that happen to us, but…everything belongs. Even a man who says he doesn’t love you anymore – even that belongs in your life right now.

How to Cope When He Says He is Not in Love With You
When He Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore

7. Practice saying “Just So” every time you feel the pain

Amor Towles’ book A Gentleman in Moscow is the source of my other new favorite phrase: “just so.” In it, a wealthy Russian count is forced to live under house arrest in an old hotel – and yet he has the most charming, lighthearted, positive perspective on life.

Get this: he gets out of bed one morning and cracks his head on the rafter of the ceiling. And what does he do?

“Just so,” he says amiably, and off he goes to fetch his breakfast.

Just So. Because Everything Belongs.

Practice this today. When you’re struggling to accept a loss, when you need words of comfort, when you’re dealing with career changes and computer problems and broken dishwashers and funeral preparations and fears that a relationship isn’t worth fighting for…practice acceptance and surrender.

Feel the difference between saying “just so” because everything belongs (the lightness of acceptance), versus fighting against the reality that you wish wasn’t happening (crushed by the burden of the futility and pain of resistance). Just so, my friend, because everything belongs.

8. Find ways to make him fall in love with you again?

When He Says I’m Not in Love With You Anymore

If you feel like you can’t live without him, read I Love You, but I’m Not IN Love with You: 7 Steps to Saving Your Relationship. Author Andrew Marshal is a couples counselor who can help you see if your relationship can be saved – even when a boyfriend or husband says he’s not in love with you.

But make no mistake about it: this book is a difficult read. It forces you to take the rose colored glasses off and really look at your relationship – and your part in it. Here’s what one husband said about I Love You, but I’m Not IN Love with You: “I had more than one epiphany reading the early chapters, and more than once thought to myself ‘no wonder things are the way they are!’ I understand why my wife said she doesn’t love me anymore, and I am working to change things.”

It doesn’t matter where you live, how old you are, how much money you make or what you look like. This heartbreak – someone you love saying “I love you but I’m not in love with you” – can happen to anyone.

9. Tell your story

What is your experience – how did your boyfriend or husband say he doesn’t love you anymore? I welcome you to share your story below. I can’t offer advice or tell you how to get him to fall in love with you again, but sometimes writing brings clarity and insight. Writing can help you heal, help you figure out what happened in your relationship. You may never find all the answers, but you can work through the questions.

Sometimes couples go through ups and downs, peaks and valleys…and it’s possible that this is just a difficult stage of your relationship. But even if you decide that you want to get him back, don’t pursue him right away. Give him time and space to think, to miss you, and to think about life without you.

If you’re still in shock, read How Do You Heal From the Shock of a Sudden Breakup?


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307 thoughts on “How to Accept the Most Painful Words You’ll Ever Hear”

  1. *deep breath….
    14 yrs ago I met my current husband and we have 2 kids together and a stepson. When we met, I had only graduated high school a year ago. My parents divorced the summer of my junior year and filed bankruptcy. We moved to a new area with new friends, a new school, a boyfriend of 2 yrs that I had broken up due to the long distance, and I had to take my dog* best friend to the pound because my dad didnt want or let me bring her with us. My husband had just got out of an ugly marriage who he had his first child with. When we met, we were both broken and needed healing. We became each others emotional crutch. The following year, we had our son. When our son was 4, I moved out without any conversation. I was so scared that he would fight me to keep our son. I was trying to protect our son from that which is why i didnt say anything. *now looking back-a chitty thing to do but at the time i was truly scared. We stayed separated for a little over a year and saw each other more towards the end of the time frame and then along came our daughter, infidelity on both sides, and hurt. We stuck it out for the kids and emotional support I suppose. Moving forward another 6 years and within the last 3, he has wanted me to move out and then I came back in. Now, he says he loves me as a person but is not in love with me anymore because of all the stuff we went through.. He admits that he was an a*hole in the relationship and I have some emotional issues. Anyway, his plan now is move out of this rental house into a house. *he bought new house in his name only. We all move there, pay off debt, then save for down payment for me to get a house. I then move out to my house. He still wants to date for a bit to make sure that he doesnt love me anymore. If so, then we have a rental house. If not, then I have my own house and all debt paid with a clean split. We are not fighting and I absolutely will not do the every other weekend thing like he and his ex did. That sucked and I could always hear the hurt when he talked about it. We are going to coparent and the kids will be with me half the time and him the other half.. I feel like I’ve been on a roller coaster since high school and I really want to get off of it.. I’m tired, hurt, sad, and want to heal. This is a complicated mess and it probably wont make sense to anyone but needed to think that I talked to someone and told them so I dont think I’m crazy.

  2. Thank you so much for the information. My situation was that my boyfriend told me he doesn’t love me but wants to fix our relationship so that it will be the same as before. We have arguments that lead him to felt that way. I was grateful that he honestly told me his feelings towards me.I was shocked and it shattered me coz never did I thought he felt that way.
    It hard that I know where I am standing right now in his heart.
    I hope I can cope up with it. I know I deserved better than being treated this way.

  3. Thank you so much for this information and support. I haven’t been told I am no longer loved, but I HAVE been told, he is no longer ready for me to move in after over 40 days of “lock down during COVID-19”. We have a long distance relationship & were preparing to transition into being together. I would still live elsewhere, live with him part time, work remotely etc. He also told me a couple of things he really doesn’t like about me. It all feels pretty telling & painful. I moved all of my things out of his house in order for us to figure it out, leaving no “hook” to return. We are in a “work in progress” as he says it. But as much as I love him, I feel that dislike list along with not being ready for my move is the first step in his leaving me. I am working on being distant but loving and respectful, trying to focus on my own needs.

  4. Am Soo heartbroken 💔😭. I simply don’t know how to deal with the pain and rejection from the same person who made me feel sooo Happy sometime ago.I don’t even know if he ever loved me and that he was only pretending,if so then he did well in fooling me to love him this much. My own boyfriend totally rejects me in all aspects of our relationship and it really hurts cos I never did anything to him.I never for once did which he himself can attest.His attitude has completely changed,he doesn’t care about me, he can go months without calling to even check how am doing.But he is always on phone talking to other girls.He never showed that part of him till now.I saw on his phone messages of him and so many other girls and it hurts real bad. He hasn’t boldly told me that he doesn’t want this relationship anymore 😭 but he has made it clear with his actions that he doesn’t love and need me anymore.I have tried everything to move on from him but I still haven’t been able to.I cry every time I find myself alone.I just don’t know what else to do again to stop loving him. I loved him more than he did and it hurts 💔💔 real bad to the point that I had to beg for his love and attention but he still rejects me.I doubt he ever did loved me. I want him to set me free by telling me it’s over but he hasn’t done that but still keep hurting me.please I need help.Am dying inside each day. My strength is failing me.

  5. He was the first one to say I love you. He has a son and I have 2 kids. We have had an overall great relationship, just working out things with kids and work and stuff. I had a big trust issue from past where I got cheated on. He told me he would never do that to me. Recently, I saw a text he sent to his ex and asked if they could meet, I questioned him and he said it was something that reminded him of her and sent it, but she never responded. Then i asked does he still love her and he said he didn’t know. I asked if he loved me and he said he didn’t think so, that he felt we just aren’t connected like he thought, he said we didn’t have much in common, but we actually do. We do a lot of the same things together. He is 43 and never been married, I’m not sure if he is afraid of commitment or what?!? He says he misses me cause yes we were together awhile, but doesn’t think he loves me. I’m devastated and extremely hurt. I haven’t got out of my bed in 3 days and not eaten and all I want is him. I just don’t know what to do. I truly love him and never loved any guy before like this.

    1. Wow! Sounds like me I was married almost 30’years and I was never in love with my ex husband here I meet someone that I can honestly say I feel in love with; we have been dating for almost 3 years he ask me too move in but once I did 2 months later we were having dinner at a restaurant he told me he just want to be friends only no more then that he it’s 4 years pass over a living with him but yet we are still friends as he wants it but we do everything together we don’t go anywhere without each other accept work ; explain to me why are we just friend !

  6. My boyfriend i lived with of three years just stopped coming home. then he broke up with me, a few weeks later i found out he had a new girlfriend already that he had been seeing before we broke up. Then a few weeks later i found out he had been on tinder during our relationship, then corona virus came so i couldn’t move out. he slept at his girlfriends place and came to WFH every day m-f. some days he was sweet to me, and today he said that i don’t really mean anything to him anymore, that he doesn’t want to speak to me, he wishes i was moved out already, and that he doesn’t even want to small talk with me. i loved him, i wanted to marry him and have children with him and in a span of 30 days it was over and he moved on. he blocked me on every account possible, facebook, instagram, phone. I haven’t even been able to move out and he has blocked me
    i am heartbroken still 3 months later. i am stuck.

    1. I really feel your situation now as it happens to me too. Isolation time could make relation worked better or worse depending on 2 main actor of the relationship.

  7. I am very very sad and I feel like the most worthless and ugly woman in the whole world. Not even my parents wanted me. What should I do when I only know how to live my life for my husband? He said he doesn’t love me anymore and I don’t blame him. I don’t know how to start my life when I’m already old. How will I find a decent job to support myself? I don’t know what to do with my life. How can I start again?

    1. Girl, don’t feel that way. You’ll be alright. Normally when men treat women this way or our parents or friends mistreat us. It is a reflection on them. They do not feel good about themselves and they need an outlet to bully someone on. You would be their outlet. You need to learn to have the courage to stand up for yourself. Say no. Say, “you can’t treat me this way. And if you continue to do so I will cut you out of my life for good. This conversation is over and I am never speaking to you again.” Say this to those who bully you. And you will be far better off and feel better about yourself 🙂

  8. I fell in love with a woman I met online when I was younger. It wasn’t love back then, it was complicated with out sexualities mixed in. We were never good at just being friends, we were always more. From the start I knew I was the one who felt more. I always was. I knew that when I got into things with her, I knew that I was falling and I was falling fast. So when she got drunk one night and told me she loved me I felt on top of the moon. That was until we both figured out that the practicalities of us dating at that time were too much. We went casual with our relationship which I now know was a mistake on my part. I could feel myself falling more and more in love with her. She never quite gave me that same energy back. I knew that it was going to end in heartbreak.

    Two years later and I’m deep in it. We got into a discussion about where we were. She told me she didn’t want to lead me on and give me false hope. She told me that what she felt back then wasn’t the same now. She didn’t have those feelings there anymore. It hurts bad now. And I know it will for a while. I wish I could just shut off what I was feeling like she can just shut it off. I wish I hadn’t got into things with her. It hurts now but I know I will be okay.

  9. While in the car together a few days before Christmas my ex and I were discussing some insecurities we each felt sometimes about being in a relationship after our experiences previously. My ex pulled the car over and said he did that so he could look into my eye and take my hands, he told me that I am all he’s ever wanted and there is no one else for him. Our relationship is what he’s always wanted. He knows what I’ve been through with an ex husband and he would never do that to me. (My ex husband blindsided me and told me he didn’t love me any more.) He wouldn’t ever do that to me. He told me he loved me more than he could put into words. During this conversation he got tears in his eyes. Then he insisted that I would have to get one of my Christmas presents early that night. The gift was a book he had customized to tell me all the reasons why he loved me. This 50+ page book was all about what I mean to him and why he loves me. It was perfect! He said he wanted to write something on the inside so I told him to do that and give it to me on Christmas. When I read the inscription I have never felt so loved in my life! He wrote to me: “Words could never express what you and your love mean to me. Every time I think I couldn’t possibly love you more something comes a long that makes me fall even more in love with you……..”.

    One month later he tells me that he did (as in past tense) love me with his whole heart but has cheated on me and there is feelings between the two or them. Second time in my life……”I don’t love you any more.” He did this by email. (This was a little over a week ago). Shock immediately took a hold of me. I was (am) devastated. We had been together almost 3 years and I felt we had a great relationship. We didn’t live together yet so when we were apart his good morning and goodnight text messages were as loving as usual. He sent me voice messages a few times a week. He told me all the time that he missed me when we were apart and told me often “I love you so much”. He would tell me that he didn’t feel like himself when we were apart. All of this continued until that email came. People have said that I had to have missed the signs. I’m not sure what the signs were. I didn’t see any evidence of him being unfaithful, and he didn’t change his actions towards me. It’s very confusing. The person I loved with my whole heart didn’t seem capable of committing such a double betrayal to me.

    I’ve been working really hard trying not to blame myself. to not feel like I did something to make him stop loving
    me. It’s hard to not feel so disposable and try to not think about how the other woman is better than me. I feel angry at times that I am dealing with this overwhelming pain and he has someone new to make him feel good, loved and not alone. It’s a bitter pill to swallow.

    I know that the end of the day I can’t make him love and honestly I don’t want to. He either loves me or he doesn’t. I know (intellectually) I didn’t deserve this. I consistently put effort into our relationship to keep it solid. I am not perfect but if he would have told me He was struggling with us and he needed something from me then I would have done it. I loved him. The memories flood my mind constantly because we have done so much together. As weird as it sounds after the way he hurt me, I am afraid I won’t ever find the joy again that he brought me. I have set him free. That evening he sent the email I responded by text but haven’t reached out sense. My ex text me tonight, this is the first we’ve communicated at all since the break up. He wanted to see if he could be supportive which literally made me chuckle out loud. He told me that he still care for me but honestly that made me feel 0% better. I will forgive him, well at least I won’t ever stop trying.

  10. My boyfriend of nearly 6 years told me he doesn’t love me. Monday he said needs space, Tuesday he told me we’re finished after I had to tell him to stop being a coward and be honest with himself because I sensed there was more to it. Today he said he wants to be left alone and doesn’t want the responsibility of having a relationship. Tomorrow he leaves for his home country (originally supposed to be a short trip) but I know he’s not coming back. We have a three year old little girl together, I want to keep trying to work on things at least for our daughter…but I’m mentally drained and tired of being in a one sided relationship.

    This time last year in one our arguments he indirectly told me he didn’t want to be with me and it continued with every other argument. I was in denial and kept telling myself he’d say these things out of anger.

    I found out he was cheating on me 5 months ago and since his distance, coldness and impatience with me had gotten worse. I was still holding on and trying to make it for our daughter..

    But I’ve finally started to realize that I have to accept it and move on…as hard as it is. I’m I will be a single mum and I’ll keep pushing through. But heart is broken. I’m sad, angry, ashamed and feel like a failure. I know I should have left a long time ago…I just wanted to try and see if some sort of love could be felt again from his part.

    But deep down I know I deserve better, I’m a good person, women and mother. I really hope it gets better like some of the posts say. Today is a hard day but things will get better.

  11. After moving in 6 months ago and we have our own kids from previous marriages (age 10, 13, 15), he tells me out of the blue without any conflict or warning that he has been secretly drinking behind my back and needs help. He says we started off having so much fun and in order to keep up with me he started increasing his alcohol consumption and then it became needed or he would get withdrawals. He doesn’t blame me but says he lost himself and he put it all together in the last week. When I ask him about our relationship status he says, he loves me because I am a wonderful person but he is not in love with me. I ask him if we can work through this together and he says, but “I’m not in love with you.” I ask him if the last 14 months has been a lie and he says he doesn’t know, he just realized he is not in love with me. I tell
    him this is obviously about something wrong with me and why can’t he be honest. He says he just doesn’t know and it is not me it’s him. He said, would it have been easier to go along and pretend? Yes but why prolong our relationship when he doesn’t want it anymore and he will resent me if we force things?

    I am shocked, angry, and devastated. He is a good person and I saw myself with him long term. I had no chance to make things right because he never told me anything was wrong. He kept everything inside to a point he lied to himself. Why do people not have hard conversations and then hurt others and the innocent kids as well?

    -Losing Faith in Humanity

  12. We spend 6 of the most amazing months of my life and even if it seams such a small time, we really created a strong bond, hopefully for the life being. We shared joy, laughs, experiences of sport and lust and also grief and accidents. We lived together constantly and enjoy our time together. But this unfortunately wasn’t enough to make him stay. He said he didn’t feel like I was his soulmate and he didn’t feel as engaged as I was. He cried, hold me in his harms saying he really cared, but not at the point of having a relationship. And still we have been able to be gentle to each other during the break up and hug each other with the best intentions. I know he cares very much and I know we will still be present somehow in each other’s life, but know it’s really painful. I miss him. I miss to have him close and to share amazing moments with him. I know I must think about me, work on my life, find space for myself and heal. But still I’m sad and I just wish we could go and continue explore life together. I wish he can love me the way I do. That’s sad. Because there is nothing I can do if not accepting and move on.

  13. My experience is fresh. I had been with my boyfriend for 4.5 years. We dated in our early 20’s and branched away from each other and lived our lives. Out of the blue, I decided to look him up on Facebook. At this point in my life, my child was grown and I had 2 failed marriages. I was in a good place. We decided to meet up and see each other after close to 25 years! Sparks flew and as our relationship grew, our love was rekindled. Three weeks ago I was on a solo trip out of town and he called me and said, “I’m unhappy and I don’t love you anymore”. Wow, totally out of left field for me since a couple of weeks before we had been discussing where our wedding was going to take place as well as a small reception. I begged and pleaded for him to tell me why, but I received an “I don’t know”. No closure, no explanation….just my world being turned upside down. Looking back on that first week after I moved out, I feel like a fool for calling him, crying, and begging for a reason. While it’s still fresh for me, I have friends and family who have been very supportive.

    I really enjoyed your article and may look into finding a “walking buddy” or something of the sort.

  14. My boyfriend of four and a half years has told me he does not love me like he use to and wants space to try and see if he can feel it again. We literally just moved across the world six weeks ago to start individual masters programs and I was just starting to grow some roots. Now amongst all my assignments and papers I have to reestablish a new home as quickly as possible to stay away from him. This is my biggest nightmare, and yet I feel like this might be exactly what I need. I don’t know what the future entails for myself, but it is wonderful (and awful too hear what everyone on here has been through) to see that I am not alone in this situation and from all the comments, I realize that people go through this everyday. We do not deserve this, we are loving, caring, nurturing people. Our self worth is more than what they see us as having. The only scary thing, and I think we all feel this, it the thought of having to do it all over again. We invested everything into this and now we have to look for someone else and trust they will not do the same thing? How will I know? Because I am intelligent and I will immediately look for all the red flags I brushed aside in this relationship.

    I have reached out to all my family and friends and they have showered me with love, I see now that I am not unlovable, maybe just to him. My parents are divorced and they offer me incredible advice on how life goes on and gets so much better, if only I can continue to search for the light. Right now, they admit, will feel like the lonely time in the world for me. I will feel unloved, abandoned, neglected and alone. But it is not true, if only I continue my search to happiness. Do not give up all my fellow broken-hearters… I assure you we will make it through together. We are strangers and yet pain always bring people together. My broken heart and your broken hearts go together and I hope we all find happiness and color in our lives once again.

    I learned a lot from this relationship, specifically what not to fall for next time. I don’t know when there will be a next time for me, but I know I am an incredible person (and you are all incredible), I did everything I could and I am proud of who I am in a relationship. I have a big heart to share with the right person. We need to see our spirits high and one day we will find someone out there that feels the same things we feel for them when we nuzzle into their necks.

    My favourite quote really resonates in times like this: “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forward”. We do not know what is next, it is scary and intimidating and heartbreaking to think about, but good things will still come. And before our last breathe, when we look back at everything it will all finally make sense! All the heartache and the pain have a place and its guaranteed the good times will keep coming.

    So keep chugging on… it’s all we can do. Make your bed every morning, right positive affirmations on posted notes and stick them in your house, have a cup of tea, go to a yoga class, sit in an overcrowded coffee shop and relish in all the feelings of inclusion and bettering yourself. Be a snake, they shouldn’t be thought of as evil, they shed their skin many times a year. So shed your old skin right now and start a new layer, grow into it, develop it, age it. And in the future, do not forget to keep shedding your skin, always be a new person, a better person. Love yourself so much that nobody will ever be able to take that away from you again.

    The mornings and nights are the hardest for me. I don’t know what to do, but I know that I will fight the feeling of being alone. I will reach out to everyone I know until I fall asleep humbled.

  15. All of this is like a nightmare I still can’t believe how one can just have a change of feeling all of a sudden.. was it because it was for a short period of time . Well I don’t want him to have any regrets so it’s better that he decided to tell me what he honestly feels ..
    But no matter how hard I try to be strong I just can’t ..i feel like everything just fell apart I’ve been crying my self to sleep and waking up crying for the past few days ..and I hate myself for being like that .. he just made it clear that there’s no chance that this would work out again and for me to get rid of all the hopes that I have ..if only it was that easy I wouldn’t end up searching for ways to heal myself on the internet ..
    I wish I could turn back in time and change all of this and I wish I could make him understand how hard this is and I wish I could tell him how hard it is to act strong when I’m dying inside .

    1. I know how you’re feeling, but it honestly does get better. You can read my story and see what I went through is very similar. Love yourself so that when you are ready to move on with someone who is deserving of you, he meets your expectations!

  16. We had an overseas trip booked. The two of us in just less thatn 40 days. Ive had a roigh few weeks with my abusive ex trying to contact me or do drive bys at my house. So maybe i had been a bit more clingy then normal. He told me sunday that he loved me and it was okay.

    He told me he “didnt love me anymore” yesterday(wednesday) and i cant help but think what changed in the last 48 hrs. He was crying when he told me. He was apaprenrly feeling this way for a few weeks. But didnt have the heart to twll me. Even if i kept asking him if something was wrong.

    I keep replaying our relationship over and over in mt head. I cant bring myself to delete any of our photos.

    And here i am. Sitting alone in my bed. With him not in sight. And ive just comw to realise how much of my time i spent with him. How much it hurts not to be cuddled or kissed goodnight. And it makes me wonder if ive been takkng things for grantted.

    I have my uni exams in a week. He normally helps me study. Im feeling empty and can feel the depression leaking back in. Even though its been less than 12 hrs.

  17. We split last night.

    I’ve been seeing him for 6 years this month. A month ago he told me he’s been chatting to someone on the internet and wanted to meet her. We split for 6 days and in that time he met and slept with her. He met me and said that it was a mistake and it was me he wanted and to treat it as a blip in our relationship. For the last 3 weeks I hoped we would be ok but deep down I knew something wasn’t right. We had a great few days and it felt like old times and I was so happy. The Wednesday he was very distant with me and I had to pretty much dig it out of him. He had more feelings for her than he thought. He said he kept in contact with her over that time even though he told me he didn’t. We were on the phone for nearly 2 hours and he ended up hanging up on me. I told him we needed to talk but he said he had to go see her to discuss things. I felt awful that he could hang up on me but felt he needed to see her. That night I messaged him (we don’t live together) and he told me that he told her that he didn’t want to see or hear from either of us because he was conflicted and confused. So from Wednesday to yesterday contact has been very reduced and it was absolutely killing me. I asked him if he was still talking to her as much and he told me yes. I met with him last night and he told me that there was something about her and that his heart doesn’t want me anymore. I gave him his key and walked out of his house crying like I’ve never cried before. We’ve spoken every single day for the last 7 years and today is the first day I have had no contact from him at all. I feel like my heart has Ripped out of my chest and been chewed on by a Doberman. Everything I have done today just makes me think of him. Every song on the radio, every thought in my head. I keep looking at my phone preying to see his name pop up but it hasn’t and I know it won’t. I just know he’s with her which makes it worse that’s he’s moved on already. When will I stop crying and this pain end???

  18. I feel very weak at the moment. After nearly 12 years in a relationship it has finally ended. I was physically abused for the first 3 years and whilst I was pregnant, then I found out he was doing cocaine behind my back for a number of years. I have invested far too much time in this man yet suffered greatly. There was no trust yet I continued to stay out of fear of being alone and because we had a child together. He began not wanting to spend any time at home, preferring to go to the pub or do things with his friends and told me I was controlling his life, he would not be told what to do.
    Still I continued to put up with it for fear of having to acknowledge that gut wrenching feeling of being alone. My son is only 10 which makes it difficult for me to get out, he also suffers from a muscle problem with his leg which limits activities we can do. I feel so desperate and that’s why I stayed for so long out of desperation and fear. I don’t want to be pathetic and desperate anymore, I’m trying so hard to accept that I must allow him to enjoy his own life. I hope that perhaps with faith and time I can heal and move forward with my life and maybe find a little happiness. I pray for strength and guidance. Thank you for listening 🙏

  19. We broke up last sunday.
    3 weeks ago I asked him if he was still in love with me, because I felt like I was the only one putting effort in our relationship. He said that he was still in love with me and that if he wasn’t in love with me anymore he would’ve broken up with me already.
    2 weeks ago I felt that he was being distant, all the contact we had had to come from me. So I asked him if we could talk.
    So we talked last sunday.
    I told him that I felt like that I was the only one putting effort in our relationship, he answered me by saying that he thought that that was bullshit.
    So I continued talking about my feelings and asked him questions questions like, well how do you see us etc.
    A bit later he was like; indeed, our relationship isn’t what it used to be.
    I was like; i know, you dont kiss/hug me as often anymore. How do we fix it?
    He was like: I dont know, I dont know if I can
    And I asked him why, he again said I dont know
    And then I became slightly pissed, I wanted clarity. I asked him; what do you mean by I dont know
    He was like; My feelings for you are kinds not the same anymore.
    So I asked him why and how etc and he answered, he said that he is doubting if he was ready for a relationship. And since september, his feelings for me started to fade. I asked him if he was seeing someone else, and he said no.
    In the end, I asked him if his feelings for me were completely gone and he answered with yes.
    So we decided to go live our lifes apart from eachother.

    The thing is that I’ve got mixed feelings about it, because a week before ‘the talk’ he said that he was still in love with me and that if he wasnt, he would’ve broken up with me already. I feel like when I asked him to talk, I started something that made his feelings go away. And I can’t believe that feelings fade that fast.

    I know deep down that its better like this. We saw eachother only once or twice a week and I felt like he was living 2 apart lifes. One with me in it, and one with his soccer, work, school and friends in it. I wanted to see him as much as possible, and throughout the whole relationship (1,5 year) I felt like that wasn’t mutual.

    I texted his mom and thanked her for everything. She was really sweet and texted back that she was really suprised that it was over and that she hopes we’ll see eachother once again(and that it will end well this time).

    Idk I sometimes feel like its better like this, but other times I want him back and miss him.

    1. I’m so sorry to hear what happened 🙁 My experience is very similar to yours. It was slowly coming to an end and broke it off completely 5 days ago. Longest 5 days of my life 🙁 Your comment was written in October, may I ask how you are holding on?

  20. My husband after 1 year of marriage and 3 of being together said he wants a divorce. I didnt see that coming. It was totally out of blue. He left to another city where we were suppose to move in together next week. He still has stuff here. I cant stand it. I love him so much im not even angry at him. He has a very stressful situation now. I want to wait with thia big decision but he doesnt. He says he made up his mind. I cant believe this. We had plans. I love his family. I cant believe all thia is gone.

  21. He just admitted TODAY to the whole thing with her. two months ago we had the I’m not happy /I’ve found someone else talk (from him).In fact it was another woman who didn’t know about me (who I think was also seeing him,or he was trying to) who kind of tipped me off about this one.) But then he said he didn’t know what he wanted and we were trying to work it out. Mind you- all this while he is “retired” but running for a local position, and I a working 10-12 hr days (night shift) So he has all day to play.Our love life started to wane when I had to work all these hours. He had the time to try to improve us in this deportment,but instead sought solice elsewhere. He was home ((% of the nights when I called after my dinner break. We’ve been together 10 years.Tons of trials and tribulations. It was drama from the start,all his.But also good times too- we traveled a little, and we used to have a pretty great sex life.
    Caught him online “looking” and broke it off when we were together about a year, but he lobbied hard and i took a chance, and we got back . I’ve always known he looked, and its a guy thing, but it wasn’t real. THIS IS. I supported him for years both emotionally and with money. He knows he wouldn’t be here where he is today if I had not helped him out. He said as much. They have been together over a year. She is not pretty, but not ugly, slightly overweight. A widow, she has a pretty nice house on the beach. He says he still loves me but no longer “in love with me”. I told him That goo goo eyed crap lasts 2 years max- then its reality and the true meaning of love kicks in, living life together, supporting each other, loving in best and worst of times! Look- We’re not kids we’re in our early 60’s. She is 59. He has a drinking problem and finally diagnosed with PTSD. I told him, this kind of this happens to some people when they have PTSD. And thats why I didn’t kick him to the curb. I didn’t want to walk away from someone that was hurting, ill and could use my love and support! I researched ,and worried, and was just about to go for counseling (to help me help HIM) when this all hit. Last week he put me on his insurance as beneficiary! We were making plans for a trip in a month!Without telling a volume full of details, i know this is best-and it wasn’t me who caused this- he knows its all him- I would have loved for him to give me the effort he is putting into her.And he has been texting other women as well, even while he professes love for her. If he has done this to me, (and BTW I am better looking, and he has always praised my bedroom skills), he will surely do this to her-in fact he IS. He still sleeps with me( sleep only, maybe some heavy kissing,I DO miss that part of our relationship) and yet he is still texting other women to tell them things and maybe meet them. We left it today that if we were to work this out, we couldn’t go back and make a new start, but we could make a better ending to the story. he still wants to share a bed, but I don’t know how thats going to go. I said I don’t want to settled for, Im not the consolation prize.
    All our work, and sacrifice building this, he will most likely get that position and she will now be the belle of the ball-all my work and she reaps “the prize” He is cash poor now, but he won’t be if he get it. …He walked me to my car and asked if he could hug me and kiss me. I said ok. But I was crying Thanks for listening.

  22. My boyfriend of 5 years just recently told me he didn’t love me anymore it’s been about a week I’ve been searching for answers and praying this pain is more hard to deal with considering none of my family would take me in before I meat my boyfriend I was practically homeless so natural I thought he save me and I fell in love , now here I am sleeping on his couch while he goes off and does whatever he wants because I have nothing and no where to else to stay. I’ve been giving him he’s space and it’s killing me because I’m not that one that’s fell out of love he is

  23. My domestic partner of almost 7 years out of the blue says he loves me but is not in love..he is almost 50 he lost his dad last year..his testosterone is low but he is taking something for it…I asked if it is his final decision and he said he doesn’t know…its only been a week and I am torn…he said and has been saying this is the best relationship he is in and have and that he has ALWAYS wanted..we built a family together bought a home he having a midlife crisis?

  24. I met my Boy friend about 15 years ago. He was totally in love with me but i was too scared to let him in because we lived in a different countries. Every time i saw him after that i knew i was in love but never shared my feelings.In 2015 we reconnected and since then we have planned all our vacations together. In our travels we compliment each other and help each other through the tough times etc…. We completed the Camino de Santiago together last year, not an easy feat but we got closer and closer. When i opened up about my feelings 2 weeks ago…., he told me that he was sorry that he didn’t want to be dishonest and that he didn’t feel the same way. Kind of hard to hear when you are halfway through our vacation. He kept on being affectionate with me and a few days after telling me he didn’t love me, he started telling me he doesn’t understand, we get along so well, i feel so good around you, i never talk about my feelings with anyone but you etc… and as our vacation was coming to an end, he kept on saying it passed by too fast, he didn’t want me to go etc…A few days before i left he took me to introduce me to one of his friends 91 year old grand-mother for who he has lots of respect for. After spending some time with her, she told him. Take good care of her, she’s the right choice…. Now i’m back home and I am soooooooo confused and hurt…. I know long distance relationships don’t usually work but i can’t stop thinking about him and missing him…. I’m trying to give him the space he needs… And he still wants us to continue travelling in the future, he’s already asked me to travel with him in 2020 and 2021. And i love that part of our travels together…. so the thought of losing both him and the friendship we have is killing me.

  25. Tropical Mountaneer

    My boyfriend of 2+ years recently shared he is battling with severe depression. He’s always had self esteem issues and doesn’t believe he deserves good things in his life. He recently started working at a place that has offered to pay for his PhD. This caused us to move to a new state and leave our family and friends behind. I had the flexibility to work from home so the move was “easy” in terms of sacrifices that needed to get done. I’ve always been supportive, cheered him on when he was having doubts about his future, but he’s always been self destructive and practices self-sabotage when he has something really good in life. The good thing is that he’s finally going to a therapist to talk about his issues, but recently he shared that even though I’ve been the best girlfriend he’s ever had, sees nothing wrong with me, he doesn’t know if us being together is what he wants. He told me that, he doesn’t want to make a decision like break up, because he doesn’t want to end up regretting it later, but had to be totally honest with me when he said he’s not happy and he doesn’t know if being in a relationship with me is the cause of the unhappiness.

    It has been very sad and frustrating for me, because until now, I didn’t know he was feeling like this. I kinda hate myself sometimes because now that I know, I think about the past and a lot of instances come up that now make sense knowing he is not happy & depressed. We’ve been very honest with each other, talking about what this means for us, crying together, talking about how it makes us feel. I want to stay positive, I want to keep supporting him through this, and of course, I want our relationship to get through this. I believe in us and I hope that we have enough strength to battle this and still be together in the end. I know it’s going to take time, and not knowing what my future looks like is very unsettling. But I love this man with all of my heart. He is what I’ve always wanted. He’s always made me feel loved and happy and supported, and also respected. I pray to God every morning to bring peace to him and ask for strength to help us both through this tough time.

    I told him yesterday that before he knows if he loves someone, he has to learn to love himself. He agrees. I know find myself browsing the internet looking for answers that might help me understand this. I just thought I would share. I ask of everyone who reads this, please send good vibes our way. Thanks for reading me.

  26. The man I have been in love with for over seven years told me he didn’t love me anymore last night.
    He is the only man I have ever loved, a man I believe is legues above all other men, and the man I have given everything to, he has all of my firsts. At one point he would often say he was going to marry me. We have officially been together a year and seven months, but a lot has happened in our seven years of friendship. It came as a complete shock because our relationship felt really good to me.
    I am so deeply in love with him, I adore him and think he is the greatest thing on earth. My heart is so broken. He didn’t officially break up with me, we live together and our lives are entwined. He just said that’s how he feels. We both know it’s only a matter of time. He is leaving for the military soon and he said he is confident we will grow apart.
    I’ve loved him since I was thirteen and I am now 21, my love has only grown with the years. I cannot imagine life without him. Worse yet is that he is my only friend and the only person I have. I truly dont have anyone to turn to. Even my relationships with my family are not good. And to top it off, this is the first time in my life that I am completely broke with no job.
    I feel so completely alone and overwhelmed. And so shocked because I was so happy in our relationship, I’ve always believed he is perfect. And he truly is. He is amazing. All other men are a huge step down.

  27. Mari-Toni Santiago

    Thank you, Laurie. I still of him constantly and i can’t get him out of my mind. I’ve been praying that God will help me to forget him.

  28. I pray for healing and comfort as you accept this breakup. It hurts so much when someone says he’s not in love with you! I don’t know exactly how you feel, but I have experienced the pain and abandonment of rejection. Losing someone you love hurts, and your heart is bruised or even broken.

    May you find comfort and joy in unexpected places. I pray for wisdom, strength and courage — and for the peace and warmth of Jesus to fill your heart and soul. I pray that you find more light moments, more peaceful thoughts, and more experiences of joy than you thought possible! I also pray for freedom from the dark shadow of grief, and for hope and faith as you move into a new season of life.

    With the love of Jesus,

  29. Mari-Toni Santiago

    I met my ex boyfriend 3 years ago, he really liked me but i did not like him. We dated a few times but it did not work out. 3 years had passed and we reconnected again. This time our dating worked and we became in love to each other. We did not spend a lot of time in our relationship because there were a lot of issues in his family that he needed to take care of and finally he broke up with me last month as he stated he was hit with a lit of family issues and that his was limited. He closed his text this way “ i feel like this is God’s way of saying that i am not the right man for you.” I was really hurt when i read his text and until now i’m still grieving and constantly thinking about him. Please pray for me.

  30. MJ: hey there – my boyfriend of 18 months recently broke up with me and told me he loves me but not in love with me. in his past – he was in a 12 year relationship with an alcoholic and has an alcoholic mother. his parents were hippies and he was passed around from family members and friends as a child. He was single for 8 years with two short relationships of less than a few months before he met me. He told me he is very sexually attracted to me, and i am his dream guy and that he loves the fact i am up for anything – a hike- a trip- chill at home etc. he dint give me any reason as to why he didnt fall in love other than he saw me grow from going on trips and hikes with him, but he did not grow (although i thought after 8 years of him being single and then meeting me and going into a relationship i feel is growth) he also made plans for trips later this year and wants me to go as well as told me he wants us to be friends. I was shocked, and still think im in denial… ive cried, ive been angry… i want him to give it another chance but know that i must move on – your thoughts?! (sorry for typos and spelling mistakes)

  31. My husband and I say we are holding on for the sake of our son, who was born before we got married. I pray everyday for him in very specific ways and I frequently ask God to clean my heart and purify me. I’m hoping for the day that my husband will grow to love me for who I am but I realize that day may never come. I continually release him and our son to God knowing that it is only by God’s mercy that we have these moments together. Thank you for sharing this article. My husband has very adamantly proclaimed on numerous occasions that I am wasting my time with him, that he never felt anything for me, that we would be happier apart…but yet, he allows me to stay for now. I want to honor God in the way I treat him, our son, and myself so I keep praying. I’ve already seen miraculous changes of attitudes in both him, me and my son, even if short-lived. I feel that our trust has deepened though not fully matured. I’m not rushing off to divorce because I’ve already been thru one divorce. So, I will keep praying and putting my greatest expectations in Jesus. Many times I feel weak, tired, lonely and abandoned, rejected, less than, but with all of that, I’ve also experienced wonderful moments of joy, peace and love. I keep running to Christ because He is the only One who keeps me stable, committed, motivated, gentle and quiet. My flesh nature has caused much danger in my anger and harsh words.

    1. My partner of 18 years just told me he doesn’t love me anymore just out of the blue!!
      He’s father passed away almost at the same time this happen
      Do you think that has something to do with his desision?
      We always had an amazing relationship and I just don’t want to give up

  32. Wow MJRP you sound so wise and strong and clear. Agree with a lot of your comments about growing from these experiences and accepting our part in things. I still feel sad sometimes about losing my husband but I’m 100% more present, open and alive. Looking back I was very fearful much of the time and didn’t focus enough on my own life. I live a simple and peaceful life now. I’m independent and happy. I sometimes think about the many people who don’t have the courage to leave miserable relationships. It didn’t happen over night but I’m grateful now two years later, that my ex set me free by saying he didn’t love me… and that I had the courage to know that I deserve so much more.

  33. I discovered that my husband of seven years (together for a total of 11 years) was sleeping with a friend of ours. To make a very long story short, I moved out of our home with our son. Less than a month afterward, he went on vacation during the holidays as he had already met someone else. That person he is with now is someone he always talked to on Facebook, a childhood friend he rekindled a friendship and subsequent relationship with.

    When I moved out I was very hurt, naturally, and told him it was over. But I realized that I would be willing to work on our relationship, as he had asked me during our time apart.

    We had our share of marital problems which were worsened when he was diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, and depression. We had some very difficult years ahead, and I became his caretaker and not his wife. We rarely were intimate as I was so resentful because I carried the responsibility of the home, my f/t job, and our son’s life. It was hard for me to have any time to myself, much less have any time to care for my relationship. I can see now that the deterioration of our marriage was slow and inevitable. The day-to-day routine of work and home life was too hard to bear alone, yet that’s what I had to deal with.

    I spoke with him yesterday and he told me (over text) that he doesn’t love me and hadn’t for a long time. More than anything, it causes me such deep sadness because I invested years of my life. I know he would never have had the courage of saying he didn’t love me to my face and the end started with his infidelity. Instead of being honest with himself and with me, he cheated and expected me to react accordingly, which I did, that’s why I left.

    I did ask if he was willing to give it another chance, and he is not. Now he’s made plans to move abroad in five to ten years and start another business. He says he met a good woman and he’s happily dating her.

    Believe me, I’ve cried beyond belief. I’m mourning this loss of love, relationship, togetherness, and life with this person I expected to be with forever. But I also realize we are two very different individuals that no longer see eye-to-eye.

    I can sit here and point out his flaws and mistakes, but it’s a two-way street. I can see where I came up short, how he felt unloved and uncared for. And at the time we were experiencing this, I acted this way because I felt unsupported and also uncared for. It became a cycle of not caring enough to change for one another because we were both so full of sadness and resentment.

    I think it’s best that we aren’t together, even though it hurts in the deepest, darkest parts of my soul to say this, because, despite it all, I loved my husband for who he was. I had the hope and the desire to try again.

    I realize now that I have to focus on my rehabilitation and self-care because my son depends on it. His father is in a different place in his life now and I don’t want my son to inherit one bit of what his father is. I want to stop the cycle of apathy and teach my son he is loved, he should love somebody for who they are and not for what they can give you, that he is an amazing human being with a fantastic future ahead of him.

    I feel so sad for the many of us writing these stories, but I’m also thankful that I’m not the only person experiencing this and it’s comforting that there are so many people who are trying to be better after such difficult losses.

    I hope to get to the point where I can forgive and forget. It’s not worth it to live with anger, resentment, and pain. Life is intended to live for the purpose of becoming better, whatever that means to you.

    I wish everyone the best in their journey to self-discovery and I wish for every one of us to find peace and forgiveness.

    1. Hi MJ,

      I am in the same situation right now. My husband left me last month during christmas day. We’ve been together for 5 years in total. I found out last night that they are already together. I am full of resentment and I mess up last night. I sent him voice message whi h I am crying and asking him a lot of whys. But he never read my messages. Even few weeks ago he never replied to my messages. He left me so devastated. It is ao aad that I have love him genuinely with all my heart and it turns out he is telling everybody hod I am as his wife. O can’t imagine the man who you thought will always look at you so fullnof love in his eyes were full of jatres towards you. I am emotionally hurt. I couldn’t bare the pain. I was working so hard for both of is, still he never appreciated those. I really blame myself why All these things are happening. I felt so bad for him blaming me and telling our family and closest friends thAt i am such a bad wife. All I did is to serve him best, God knows. Our businesses was falling up and down… everytims it’s up he will come back then if it’s down again he will fly to another countey. Last year is his last coming home. Sad tod ay he left me during christmas day.

      At this time I am mending and putting myself into pieces. I felt ao disrespected, unloved, unwanted, abandoned and a lot of feelings I couldn’t explain. Ut for now i made myself busy for our business and I hope one day I will never feel this pain anymore. There is no closure which I don’t know where to put myself. But I decided to wnd up everything and take care of myself. I don’t know what is the reason why it is hppenig right know but maybe one day, one dAy I will.

      To all those who have been hurt We all know how painful it is. But we are the only one who can help ourself, nobody else. Let’s prove to those who left us we are better without them. Life is beautiful and perfect without them. There will be no stress at all. Let’s love ourself more than them. Let’s live into the fullest… goodluck everyone

  34. My fiance and I are/were about to celebrate our 2 year anniversary. We had an overseas trip planned, but not purchased. We have been long distance for one year. We have had our ups and downs, but I’ve always felt like we had a good, strong relationship. Lots of love. We had a “small” disagreement over the weekend, and he totally cut me off. Blocked me on all social media and wouldn’t answer my calls. Three days later I finally get a (missed) call from him. Too good to be true, I asked him if he meant to call or if it was a mistake. He asked if I wanted to talk, and then he called me without my response. We talked for about 30 minutes, a little heated, but mostly calm. He was going to say goodbye, and I asked “Do you love me?” He quickly shook his head no, and said “I don’t know.” During the call he let me know that he feels disconnected and is not feeling loved by me. I’ve really, really tried to show him love, and I did point that out. I often feel like he was complaining because I want showing him love in the way that he wants/needs. I feel like I’ve done my best, and I honestly don’t know if I could do better, but I’m willing to try. I know he needs a little time, and I’m expecting a call from him in a day or two. I’m totally thrown for a loop. I’m holding on, and hoping he doesn’t let go, but I know I cannot stop him. My heart is broken into a thousand pieces right now.

  35. My husband left during christmas. I cam home without his things. I begged for him to come home until new years day. But he didnt really come home. I just happen to know from his aunt that he doesn’t love me anymore. Buy he didnt said it to me directly. I am full of hurt, anger, and anxiety this time. Despite of hiw hard I worked for us just to make him comfortable all he sees are my negative sides. I couldn’t imagine my husband can talk like that behind my back. Now people who are closer to me are having a doubt. I can’t even explain my side because I dont eant us to be the talk of the town. I don’t want to spill his infidelity, I am still protecting our marriAge. He is telling everybody that we always do have a fight but covering the reason why. It’s because of his infidelity. I can’t tell them because I still have a respect for him. I just wish he should have told me he doesn’t love me anymore instead of pretending we are still okay, instead of pretending he is still part of the family. Instead of pretwnding he likes kissing me. As innocent as I am I didnt take note of the signs. We don’t have intimacy anymore, he barely hugs and kiss me. He can’t even look into my eyes and take a joke. He will just sleep in our bed without hugging me. It’s too painful bejng with someone pretending he still loves you. For 5 yrs I’ve beeb through a lot!!!! I just wish one day the pain will go away. I just wish one day the anger will leave the same as the love I am feeling towards him. I can’t bare the pain 🙁

  36. thanks a lot for the article, it has opened my eyes and now i can think positively. the truth i broke up with my boyfriend whom i completely made up my mind that i want him my whole life. we had less than a year dating but i was pretty much sure that i want him in my life and have a family with him. he accused me of cheating not only that but he also accused me of past mistakes that he said they are haunting him although i apologised for my wrong doings. i am hurting that he said he used to love me very much but he doesnt love me anymore. i so want him back but at the same time i want to give him space to collect himself. i love him very much.

  37. Thanks for the article. I’m trying to reconcile our 23 year marriage with advice from Mort Fertel. My husband left 16/December after saying he wanted to end our marriage (he fell out of love) and I had no idea this was coming even though he said he had tried to love me and just go along. I was shocked and heartbroken. Will he come back? Unknown, but I have to try. I still love him so much.

    1. Woww, for me my husband left during christmas day. iI waited for him everyday but he flew to another xoubtry and told me our marriage is not working and have never worked for. Long time. And sad to say he is telling all his family he left me because I have a bad attitude instead of the reason he commited infidelity.

      I felt bad for myself because the person I thought will love me forever is the one who will really hurt me so bad. He has a lots of lies and he can’t even explain things. And he kept telling me because we do always have a fight but the truth is he is no longer interested with me, with us 🙁 sad but all through this process I hope we will be healed… goodluck

  38. I just got told today that my partner doesn’t love me anymore. He looks at porn every time I’m away from him, so I found out. I’m really upset.

  39. I dont know what you would call it; i met a man 2 1/2 years ago we get along well we have so much in common and the most part I fell in love with him and I believe he fell in love with me. Recently I moved in with him and i notice changes on him we dont kiss hug cuddle more less have sex anymore but yet, we still do thing together and we still sleep in the same bed. He has told me that I am amazing woman and he loves me for that. But, not in love… Will he ever change his mind or am i hoping.

  40. I am learning to cope, and hoping this stage of grief ends soon. My husband of 5 years walked out on me after saying he doesnt love me and doesnt care about me. This was a day after we celebrated our 5th anniversary. I have a son and I keep blaming myself for it. I love him more than anything in this world but I have to accept.

  41. I already know what to do I didn’t even read the article because I’m not interested in what it says it’s probably not a good article either I’ve already ended the friendship with the jerk that’s inva serious relationship the second he got a girlfriend he turned into an idiot and I knew I did the right thing ending the friendship I don’t want to be his friend ever again I don’t care if I ever see him again

  42. After 20 years of dating, and a year of hardship after losing my mother, my boyfriend told me he didn’t love me anymore and doubted if he ever really did. I was already suffering from depression and to hear him tell me that crushed me deep within my heart.
    Thank you for such an enlightening article. I will use these tips to better myself. The first step-I must accept what he said to be true. I am now surrendering any hope of reconciliation and am looking inward for strength and self-love.
    Again, thank you for reminding me and others we are still worthy of love.

  43. Dearest Laurie,

    I am 24 and my boyfriend and I just broke up. I still love him, and I am having a really hard time to cope. All I do is watching soaps. I miss him every day.

    Our relationship did not start very well. His family comes from India, but he was born in Austria. After 3 months he moved in with me, because his mother kicked him out, and we had a flat, and got engaged… and then we weren’t. I really felt the pressure, but I thought that’s what love is like.

    Now I realized that our relationship fell apart because of all the circumstances, but he is not sure whether he loves me… What should I do? How do i cope? I tried my best, but i failed. Now I feel like a big fat loser.

    The only think that makes me happy is that I told him every day how much I loved him.

    All the best


  44. My ex partner and myself met online. We started dating afterwards then gradually along the way he moved in with me. We were together 4 years then randomly out of the blue he walked out on me without any explanation. We have been broken up now 1 year 3 months. Last time we spoke was on his birthday August 11th 2018, and haven’t spoken to eachother since. He did tell me the night he left, that he loves me but he no longer is in love with me. From the night he left me up until today I still do not know why he left. It still hurts me so much but I am starting to let go fully.

  45. Hey, for the record i’m 20 years old, my boyfriend is 18 and I live with anxiety disorder and I’m still in the process of curing my depression.
    My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year, and it’s actually my first real relationship. I’ve had my long share of dating and one night stands. So I met this guy at work who I thought was really cute and I followed him on insta, we exchanged likes, them we sent each other messages saying we were like both attracted to each other and that we could hangout together sometime. So we had like 2 to 3 dates, on of them with 2 of our work friends, and he said that he wasn’t really looking for nothing serious so he said “would you mind if you became like F friends” and I was ok with that. So one night we hooked up and for the first time ever I actually had a real connection with someone, I actually felt something stronger than “this guy’s cute”. About 2 days later he tells me that he felt that what we had was too special for just a “friends” type of thing. I’m not really his type of girl, so already I was happy that he thought I was cute and stuff, and for him to tell me that he felt something for me changed everything. That week he said he wanted to tell his dad that, with my permission, we would start a real relationship. This guy fell for me so hard and so fast, like the way he talked about me to other ppl, like our friends would come to me aying that he was litteraly in love with me, and honestly at this time I was still in the phase “I only have a crush on him”. As the days, weeks and months went by, my love for him just became stronger and stronger, and now I’m deeply in love with him. The thing is, this week I started to feel like he was becoming a bit distant, and my friends felt that as well, so I decided to talk to him. For like 4 days we would talk about this stuff every night, like really intense… like tears from both of us. And today I missed my volleyball practice cuz I wasn’t feeling well (I knew I was in the verge of having a crisis or a panick attact) so I called him to ask if I could come see him cuz I just wanted him to hold me. I had a crisis. We talked. We cried. I told him what I thought was happening and he said that he doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore, like he loves me but he’s not in love with me. And I asked why, like what did I do? Was I too intense with him, was I too clingy? And he said I was the perfect girlfriend and that I didn’t do anything wrong. It’s him, It’s his head. He says he has problems with himself and that if he can’t love himself first he can’t love someone else… And I said “I understand, you need some time for you and you’re doing it for you and that’s ok” (we were both in tears at this point but nothing too intense). But, the seocnd he realized that we were like breaking up he said wait, and he bursts out crying while saying “I take everything I said, I can’t lose you, ou’re too good, too amazing, too precious, you’ve given me everything and I can’t believe I just hurted you like that”. Then I burst into tears, and we hold each other real thight in a squeezing hug for about 10 min. and then he says “I’m going to try to figure this out, I still love you, I feel it right now, what we have is too good to end, I want to try” and I said to him that I’m also going to try to help him understand how great of a person he his, how great of a boyfriend, of a brother, of a son. He is honestly amazing, and he deserves to love himself the way other people love him.
    The problem is hat now i have to live with the fact that I’m in love with him while he’s not in love with me… And I don’t know how my anxiety is going to work that, how my head is going to work with that… And I also have to live with the fact that maybe he’s never going to feel the same again… I’m a bit lost now, I don’t really know what to do, am I supposed to act different, am I supposed to do something different, I honestly have no idea what to do.

  46. My boyfriend weve been living together, I know and all the people around us know how much I love him. We get through a lot of trials these past months a lot and big trials. We broke up but manage to get back together and stronger I know he did mistake but I already forgave him because I really do love him. He is the first man that I felt this feeling. I know hes doing his best to make things right and I can see and feel that his love for me this time is pure and true. But in just one bad move of mine, everything shattered. He saw me kissing another guy in our house. Me and my friends had couple of drink with this guy, hes just a friend of mine. Then my boyfriend came home, I knew he was coming home to fetch me to go to their house. He saw me kissing this guy when he put his phone on record while hes smoking outside and when were about to leave he watched it and saw I kissed this guy. Then with that one wrong move of mine in that instant he sees me as a different person he said things that I heard from him for the first time. I asked him if he doesnt love me anymore and say it to my face and he did. I am broken and in pain so deep the man that I loved the most first time in my life that I loved like this is with him, also first time I did terrible thing to someone I really love. I dont think he will accept me anymore but i am willing to gain his trust even if its hard! I am willing to do everything even I am trash for him now. But deep inside I know he will never accept me again. I apologize and cried to him but he said all he feels for me was anger. I confess and apologize to his mom and sister before I leave. He doesnt really want me to come with him at their house but I cried and please and promised that I will just say my goodbye and sorry, he said he cannot handle if he saw that but I insist and let me. On the way to their house He said all the hurtful and harsh things to me that I never heard from him before. I love him so much maybe I just cannot forgive myself on what I did but I truly love him,

  47. Barbara Jones Grimes

    We are married and in his second relationship with someone else on Facebook confessing his love kissing her won’t talk to me to even work on divorce from his behaviors I really believe he is a narcissist at first he told me it took years to fall in love and all of sudden he is in love two weeks later after the first one he left me for put him out yes I am guilty of not doing the no contact rule even though the purpose was for divorce he left me almost a year ago why am I not over this and why I can not make my heart stop loving and wanting g him back

  48. My husband and I have been together since 2009. We got Married in 2015 but about 7 months after the wedding I found out he had been messaging a girl in ways he shouldn’t. This completely broke my heart and he just said I had misunderstood and there was nothing to it (my wife is out I wish you could come here for a cuddle – etc)
    We tried to work through it then this year in May my husband said he was leaving but asked if he could wait till he found somewhere. I stupidly said yes. then one night I go out with my Girlfriends and come home to find he had left receipts out and I looked at them, he had taken someone for icecream and bought them clothes.. so I asked him what was he doing and he said why does it matter its none of your business.. turns out he had been messaging the same girl as before and that he loved her. We had a huge argument My husband ended up assaulting me that night ,he had never laid a finger on me in the past and this shook me to the core. I was completely heart broken. Fast forward 2 months my husband tells me he loves me and misses me so I stupidly take him back. I have never felt heart break before, I have only ever been with my husband. When he came back I cried with happiness. He took me to Barcelona for my birthday in September and it was so good to feel so happy and loved again.. Last Monday (15th oct) My Husband tells me he doesn’t love me anymore and moves out the same day. He promised he would never leave again, that he wanted to start a family with me next year, that he wants to grow old with me….. I am beyond devastated and feel like a hollow shell. I feel so small, so rejected and so ugly. I can’t see any light in this horrible, dark situation and I just feel like ending it all.

    1. Salybetsy A Chipenhe

      Maybe it´s just a point of you going to a different place: church to start. Join the choir, the service ushers, and helpers spend as much time as you can. Trust me as much as you do that, you will see that live in a all strange life that doesnt belong to you.

    2. I can relate to you completely my relationship is different but similar in so many ways !! I can tell you your not alone I feel the exact same way after my relationship of 7 year’s was over in a minute and I didn’t even see it coming we actually had a wonderful relationship we were best friends truly and almost 2 months into my break-up now he’s still has zero answers for me. I can relate to you so very much . I’m so sorry for what he has done to you it wasn’t right in any way !!! Shame on him !!! 😢

  49. I was in this relationship for 3 years…..its always had it issues. I always took him back when i shouldnt have. But 3 yrs later and we have a 1yr and 3 month….didnt want me to have our 3 month old….left last week said he loved me but wasnt in love with me.?.so now im a young 27 mother of 3 and alone….i know there are many singke woman….but i feel im having a hard time aceppting it and dealing. I dont eat, cry most the time, and just feel like i dont know how to feel better at this point. I feel like a horrible mom my kids should be enough and i do love them to death they are my everything….so why cant i get out of this slump….it feels like a kick to the stomach and him leaving me was so easy for him. It hurts terribly esp when we just had 2 babies. I dont understand.

  50. My husband and I have been married for 4 years. Things haven’t always been that good. Alot of fighting, physical abuse, verbal and emotional abuse. I chose to stick it out because I thought he would change..I should of realized sooner we weren’t right for each other. We have a 4 year old daughter together and the day of her birthday I talked to him..we are currently 4 hours apart due to his mother assaulting me back in June while she was drinking and he was out with friends [we haven’t really gotten along..she’s always had a stick up her ass about me] since then I’ve been back home with my family and we were still in contact talking everyday and him telling me he loved me, I was his world and reason for living, we’d get a place and be away from her..this went on for 3 months..I was working and saving up to go back to him and have our own place..but on our daughters birthday he talked to her and everything seemed fine..he told me his mom got insurance with her job and how he was able to go to the doctor and be prescriped xanax for his anxiety and depression..I knew it was a bad idea because he’s had a history of drug problems even before I met him..flash forward to 2 days later I haven’t hardly heard from him..was calling and txting him because I was worried about him..when I finally got ahold of him he called me a nuisance and I said I was just worried about him because he never replied and how I thought he was hurt which he replies I’m shooting up my xanax I don’t love you anymore we are done..then hangs up. I txt him bawling my eyes out trying to understand what I did wrong and why. When he finally called me after I threatened to call the police and send them over there to check on them hes saying how your not going to do that why can’t you just understand my feelings and how I don’t love you anymore..I asked when well this is caught me off Then he goes to say how he’s been thinking the past few days how he isn’t in love with me anymore and how he had been thinking about it since I left in june..I said well why didn’t you tell me this then instead of now..all he says is how he tried to push those feelings away. He said wed talk in a week once I was calmed down and could talk to him without being emotional. Yesterday while on instagram a girl he used to be involved with in highschool [one night stand at a party] who follows me on there was posting pics to her story of her being naked but with stickers over her tits and trying to conceal where she was in the pic..part of the room I saw looked familair..didn’t think nothing of it until I seen the next pic..still trying to conceal where she’s at but I also noticed how the bathroom she’s in is exactly like his I put two and two together. He told me no one was involved when i asked him during the breskup call and he said how why do people always assume that someone is screwing someone else.
    I’m sorry if not making sense I’m crying my eyes out just typing this..I’m just overwhelmed, angry because I did so much for that punk, sacrificed almost everything for him and loved him unconditionally despite his flaws and what he had done to me..4 years of marriage wasted..the only good thing and the best thing of it was our daughter. Again I apologize if this doesn’t make emotions are everywhere and I mentally feel broken. I hope to get through this..

  51. Been in relationship ten years have 3 children together things haven’t been good last few years women walking into the back of his shop few days later find perfum comes home late brother said if my brother leaves u I’ll look after my nices and nephew which they don’t then I was in the shop as they own their own clothes shop I was jokeing with his father saying ur very young looking 4ur age my father in law but we are not married.his father said to me u u he said I’ll never be anything to me and that his grandkids will be living out with them then a week later his brother blew smoke in my face and put it out and said u deserve everything that’s coming 4 u all his friends are married I found a text on his phone from his best friend saying he was getting married in Italy next year he said let me now as soon as so I can book my ticket he doent no this but we are together 10 years all his friends are an d not even with their girlfriends 6 years I told him today I don’t want it anymore each time I think of past it hurts me I am sorry to say this please don’t be angry I’ll understand ur anger. I took abortaion tablets 3 years ago I asked him to hold me that night in bed but he didn’t next day I bleed he packed his bags and left but came back later that night help please please please tell me I’m not goin mad thank you god bless.

  52. About 2 weeks ago, myself and my partner went out with friends Tina concert. He got quite drunk and said he wasn’t happy and didn’t want me anymore. I was upset, but he has a bad habit of being nasty when drunk and then apologising. This wasn’t the case. We finally spoke and he said he needed space, he said it wasn’t me and that he did want me.

    We had a holiday approaching (which we are currently on) and I didn’t know what to do but he said he wanted to go on it. So despite the awkward situation at home we went. The first couple of days were great: we had planned lots of trip, had loads of laughs, he told me me he loved me and missed me and hugged and kissed me the way I’ve been waiting for for weeks.

    Then last night, after a great day where he purchased photos of us on our excursion to “add to out collection” and a great night at the hotel, we got back to the room and he said “I don’t know why you’re acting like we are still in a relationship.”

    It hit me like a tonne of bricks. I was upset but he again had had a bit to drink and I thought ok tomorrow will be better. But he kept going on and on,telling me he didn’t love me anymore and starting to laugh and say really nasty stuff as I cried and cried. This morning he woke up and said “I don’t know KW why you’re upset, you already knew this” – I told him no I didn’t because he had been telling me he loved me and planning our next few trips for chrsiri and next year etc. He said that wasn’t happening now. He asked if I was going on the boat trip we had booked and I said I couldn’t go and pretend to be ok all day after how much he has hurt me. He went by himself.

    I’m so upset hurt and confused. There’s no explanation to his sudden change, especially because all before that one night two weeks ago he told me he lovede every day, we had a long talk the week before on a date night about how much we loved each other and discussed all our problems and how we would tackle them as a team.

    Then this and the sheer nastiness and cruelness of his comments. It feels like he is trying to punish me and deliberately hurt me and I don’t know why.

    He has no empathy for my feelings and expects me to accept it and continue all our holiday like nothing happened just as “friends”

    Please help!

  53. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6.5 years now.
    We met on a dating site. But that irrelevant truthfully. Because we actually talked and got to know each other a month or so before actually meeting.
    The first year was amazing. Little rough but mostly awesome. As most relationships are.
    I lived with my best friend and his family in a house as a roommate. Within first month he moved in…I think…know I know…that was our first mistake…to early…

    We decided to move out on our own. So we did..we struggled. He was always out of a job. Or couldn’t keep one. And because of his past relationship he lost his son in the battle. I tried to help him cope with that. And encouraged him to visit with his son. He did and was good for some time. But his son, as he got older..grew further snd further apart… almost 4cyears now since he last saw or spoke to his son…

    As anyone would guess he gained alot of depression out of not seeing his son.
    And not having a steady job…
    But I didn’t really let on thst it bothered me. I just supported him. And helped him push through the thick of it together… because I truly love him for the man he is. Not his problems. Baggage or depression…I’m a natural I took pride in knowing he could turn to me when he had z panic or anxiety attack.
    I helped him with dr. Appts. Catered to his most needs. Not realizing I was sacraficiing my own needs.

    Over the course if 6 years. He distanced himself from friends so he had no social life outside if me really.. and no job. So no money. No car. Cuz no legit license… so he really depended on me..

    2 years ago. He got a decent job. And bought his own Car. But mostly to get him to and from work. As we had moved to my parents to help them. I now had to drive an hour 1cway to work….

    We had too many fights living at my parents.
    And so it progressed.

    He was getting too comfortable I felt.. and even tho he was home alot. He didn’t really give me alot if his time.. had always got caught up in his video games. Or sleeping. I got a little too disconnected from us.
    And got a little too infatuated with another customer from my work.

    I came to grips with myself one day and owned up by choice to my bf. What I had done. Who I’d been talking to. And that he was helping me deal…
    I just wanted someone to care about me. Abd I went about it completely wrong.

    I told him he needed to move out. Thst we were done.
    So he keft9. Went to his sisters. And stayed almost z week. He begged and pleaded over the phone. But i wouldn’t have it.. I just wanted to be left alone… but I knew in my deepest feelings. I was still very kn love with him. Absolutely no doubt in my heart . Head snd gut they all agreed. No matter his flaws
    The good outweighs his bad. And I truly madly love this man.
    So we made amends snd pushed forward…
    Moved out if my parents. Closer to my work.
    He instantly got work through our landlord. Itll be z year come October.

    But I feel now that he has his independence back. Job. Money. A work vehicle. Hes not home on weekends. He parties with boys that are half his age.
    Sleeps in his work truck. Cuz hea too drunk to drive …
    But we constantly argue…

    I’ve put on a few extra pounds since we met. 40 to be exact. And he lashes out at me for it. Too many times…
    I am trying to lose it now. But with no real positive reinforcement. I’m struggling. Although down 14lbs in 3 weeks…I’m only 162lbs normally last year.
    I get it though. Bothers me too .
    My work ethics bothers him enormously..
    Some days I just can’t put up with the place I work. Abd I leave early.. I get this too. Because he says he sees no future with me……
    And my motor mouth… I always get myself into trouble with my mouth… I dont know when to shut up.
    I have no real filter.
    I talk over him when talking. And when we do talk. Its very brief and nothing gets resolved… hes stopped talking to me about his feelings all together. Because he feels there’s no point. Whe I wont change. Listen or I just get offended…

    I confronted him last night. Asking him if it was being at our apartment. Or if it was me he wasnt coming home to on weekends.. he simply said it was him just wants to do whatever he decides ..

    Ok fare be ok with that if he included me time just a smidge…
    But instead he is pushing me to go out with ppl.
    Hang out with friends.. he even mentioned the guy I told him about when we split….I said no. That’s not fare ..I’m looking for your time…

    But I end up pushing him further away..
    Hes sent me long msgd stating hea no longer in love with me. Been that way for awhile.

    But I am definitely his best friend.. and he cares so much for me….. but I am so emotionally drained.and he says alm he wants is for me to be happy.. FINE. than listen to me.. you’re what makes me happy… just be here with me be happy as well..

    But as soon as he tells me hes no longer in love with me… should have been a wake up call…instead I focused in my work. Losing weight. And trying to forget the feeling of having a knife stabbed into me. Or ice cold water shocking my heart from this heartwrenching news…

    I’m one to believe in thick or thin. Til death due us part… I’m madly in love with this guy.. and hes pushing me further and further to no return…
    He refuses counseling due to past issues…
    He refuses me time to talk… and I’m always walking on eggshells because I don’t want to seem needy or clingy. Or push him further into leaving…..

    But at same time.. I think I should just take a step back. Let him live his life. Me live mine. And hope that I’m at the end if his day… but I fear that if I leave…. he won’t come for me like he would have 2 years ago…or even a year ago… hes just too far done..

    I have messages I could show that no woman. No matter how bad it gets… should have read even 2 sentences of… cuz I’m.the bonehead who keeps begging him to stay…

    Grrr I’m sl stupid sometimes…

    Thank you…
    Sorry for rant….
    This is only a brief breakdown of my 6.5 year relationship…


  54. My Leo man and I were really head over heels in love with each other. He said he had a crush on me since high school. He was very sure that I am the girl for him he even told his parents, friends, colleagues and everyone in our hometown knows about us. He was the sweetest, most loving, generous, kind hearted man ever. We already had a plan on when we will get married. He introduced me as his other half one time he brought me to his church- he’s a Christian. So things we’re really perfect. Even on monthsaries he will surprise me with gifts, flowers and cake. He’s the man that every woman would want I never demanded anything because he will give it even before I asked. Things turned sour and he changed so we started to fight. Then the unexpected news came- I was pregnant. We both weren’t ready so we argued and I said hurtful things I insulted him and I broke up with him. He was hurt I know. I was so hurt too I felt he abandoned me. He said he won’t but he blamed me. We didn’t contact each other for a week and then I was bleeding so I found out I had an ectopic pregnancy. I called him and he came to me he was there throughout my operation. I was thankful for him that he didn’t leave me during those times but he was distant and cold. I told him I want us to work out our relationship. I told him I was sorry for breaking up with him it was Just because I was really hurt and depressed. But he said he loves me still but didn’t want a relationship as of now. He has a lot of problems soon he will become jobless coz their company will close. So I agreed. We still communicate but I was a mess coz I miss the way we were especially the way he cares and loves me so I sent him a long email. He did not respond and it’s almost a month now. I called him I asked how he was and he sounded okay. He said he can’t be in a relationship with me because he was hurt and humiliated. He did not expect I told my friends and his family about what happened to us and he hates that. I know it is over. But I just can’t get him out of my mind. Our relationship was once perfect even we have a little fight before. He was my true love. I don’t know if I could get over him. I can feel he’s moved on and here I am, depressed about the loss of my baby and the love of my life. Should I hold on to his words that may be someday when the time is right and everything is okay we will be back at each other’s arms? If I call he would still answer but I stopped calling him. Our family especially on his side were very sad they are expecting we will get married. I am really depressed and sad.
    Update: We communicated again but it is too casual on his end. I can’t see a glimpse of the man who was sooo in love with me before. It feels like I am talking to a stranger it hurts so much that he changed just like that while I am miserable being without him. Sometimes I asked if everything was just a lie or if he got an amnesia.

  55. So me and my ex was together for 4 years.
    For the past 3 years since splitting up we have always remained in contact, on and off but never longer than about 2-3 weeks without speaking at all.
    He has always remained that he loves me and it doesn’t matter who he has been with etc, he always comes back and that is because he loves me.
    He has had a baby since we split up, that is a different story. More of a rebound gone wrong at the time but his child is an innocent party in it.
    He has even gone as far as after 3 weeks of not speaking after falling out, he wrote a letter and printing a load of photographs out and posted them through my door in an envelope explaining how much he has messed up and loves me etc.
    The argument we had before he did this was because I lost my head and he was in a relationship with a girl and as bad as it is, we were still in contact and had slept together during etc. And I told her. It got nasty and a lot of things were said on all 3 parts and he said he hated me and was really angry.
    He then split up with her and wrote and posted that letting to me a little while ago.
    We have been in contact since, up and down and seen eachother a couple of times as a lot has happened and we had a lot to figure out ourselves.
    Now he has said he doesn’t love me and is better off and happier now after only telling me a week or so ago how he still loves me so much and always will and has told me that for all these years.
    He said he wants to go and I’ve asked him to block me off everything to make sure we can’t contact.
    I don’t know if he is just in a bad place, he says he can’t forgive me and I don’t know if he really doesn’t love me anymore and I ruined it all completely.
    Sorry for the long story

  56. He never loved me.He declared he doesn’t even love his mother.I was supposed to be ok with it as it was just the honest truth.He said Do you want me to lie ? He’s on the spectrum a gentle intelligent beautiful man that cares for me that he says is true. I asked why does he want to be with a woman that he does not love and he said because maybe he will never be able to find love and doesn not want to be alone.I obviously felt rejected, very upset so I told him I thought it was a cruel statement to make and selfish as I’d been In a relationship with him for 3 years .He got angry as he said my statements are just very bothersome and draining,

    1. Tracy
      I am going through nearly same situation.
      I date with this man for 3 and half years. When I met him he told me he was sad and depressed because no woman want him. We build a friendship then we went into intimacy for 3 year. We chatted everyday 2 or 3 hours I felt that our relationship was growing and I thought we would grow old together.

      One day he said I am in a dating site I want you to know.

      I was in a shock I wanted to talk with him but he said he was about to date with a woman that he has talked for 2 weeks and she was growing on him
      I went to see him thinking 3 years against 2 weeks . I though whatever was the problem we could fix it.

      He dated he had one night stand and said he wanted her.
      I tried talking to him the following days about how we build our relationship
      He said we are friends we never have a relationship.
      I said I have been with you when nobody wanted you and when you were depressed
      He said yes, that was then. Now I change opinion and I want the other woman.
      I said love doesn’t died in days we can workout things and be together.
      He said he wanted the woman, he love her and told me out of the blue he did not want to hear or see from me.
      I tried the no contact rule then call him just to find out that this woman move into his flat the week he told me he did not wanted hear from me.

      When you boyfriend get a new woman he would no hesitate to leave you.
      I would thing it is better for you to start the process of grieving.
      Unfortunately I learnt that man are users and loyalty don’t bother them.
      The pain you will feel would be worst when you see he is leaving you for other woman.
      Rejection and The feeling of being used is terrible. Hearbreaking with more feeling to deal.
      At least you will not go through the pain of see him in the arm of another woman and realize he don’t care for your feeling.

  57. Reading all the comments before me makes my heart so heavy. So many hearts torn leaving us with the many WHY questions. We read all of the things we are suppose to do, “don’t contact him, give him space, don’t obsess about what he’s doing or what went wrong” but how can we NOT do this. We didn’t want a break up, we didn’t sign up to get our hearts broken so we weren’t prepared to hear the words “i am no longer in love with you”. My ex and i were together for a year. I am a single mother. I was very scared to date again as i came out of a physically and emotionally abusive relationship with her daughter’s father. Then alone came L. He came in very determined: He wanted a family, he wanted a wife. We met each other’s families and friends and soon enough he was living with me. He even promised both my dad that he will put me in a house (I live in an apartment) and promised my 5 year old daughter that she will one day get the backyard she longs for. He started to become featured in her drawings. He took the role of step dad. He was SOO great to us. He travels for work and left for two weeks to a conference. He was SO happy with the business he was bringing back to his company and kept stressing how much he missed both my daughter and I. This was in March. Ever since he came back it went downhill from there. He became stressed, his company brought in more than they can handle, he started to drink a lot. It got to the point where he was stumbling in at 4am or 7am! Then suddenly he started to become stall. The good thing is he continued to be good to us. We never fought, i let him have his time alone and never bothered him, but he said he felt trapped. That he loves us but he didn’t realize how hard it would be to be with a woman who has a child. I know what he meant because it IS hard but…. i still felt like crap to know this. He still has all his stuff at my place and it has been month since the breakup. He keeps stressing that he still wants to be friends and wants to be part of my daughters life because he loves and cares about us dearly and he knows her father is absent. It just hurts because i know he has the potential to BE the man he wanted to be. All his friends are married with children, but his roommate is 10 years younger than him and i feel the roommate reminds him of a version of himself he might lose if he were to stay with me. Since our breakup, he’s been out getting blackout wasted different days of the week but still being friendly to me asking if i’m ok and i’m left with picking up the pieces. I know RIGHT NOW he needs to work on himself. Its just been very tough to wake up so lonely. YES i have my child and she is the world to me. I just foolishly fell in love with all he sold us and i didn’t realize it before but now i DO want that life. i do not want to be alone for the rest of my life. Single mom life is rewarding but the hardest and loneliest life… and knowing that someone you love doesn’t love you enough to stay and ride the waves with you stings. It is the cause of my now depression, anxiety, loss of appetite, weight loss and sleep & low self esteem. (But! i did take the step to speaking to a therapist)

    I am glad I bumped into this site. I thought people couldn’t understand the pain but clearly it happens plenty and i wish it didn’t happen to us all. I never experienced a heartbreak that LITERALLY hurts your heart (Leaving my daughter’s father wasnt heartbreaking, rather is was fear and a bit of triumph). I now understand these movies and songs that emphasize the pain of losing someone you love. If only there were ways to snap our fingers and make the pain go again.

  58. I was dating this guy for more than 3 years and then we both decided to come to Australia to do our MSc. We were very close friends during first 3 years of our bachelor degree and during the final year we became a couple. We had our share of fights and I broke up with him few times and every time he cried and begged for us to get back together. I was extremely comfortable with him and I thought he loved me unconditionally which made me take him for granted. He was my soulmate and my best friend and everything was so perfect. But just after two days of coming here he broke up with me stating that his parents don’t like our relationship( we are from an asian county). I couldn’t believe why he was saying that when I was all alone in a unknown country and the only person I knew there was him. I felt extremely lonely and heartbroken. But i kept asking him to fight for us. He became so withdrawn and rude and I couldn’t understand the reason for the sudden change. He was the guy who said he would die without me and never say anything cruel to me even when i was being a jerk. Within two weeks he changed so much, I am still shocked. But i felt after everything he has done for me he deserve for me to wait for him. So i waited fro one month for him to figure out what he wants to do and he keep saying he doesn’t know everytime I asked whether he wants to get back together. Today I asked him whether he is in love with me anymore and he said no and it broke me in to pieces. He says he so stressed and he doesn’t know what he wants anymore. I feel so alone and I have been crying for last one month. I don’t know whether I should wait for him more or whether i should move on. I don’t know whether i can move on. We were supposed to get married next year and everything was going according to the plan and all of sudden I am all alone in another country without any friends or family

    1. How’d it turn out for you?? I hope you are okay and thriving now that time has passed a bit. I’m in a very similar situation so I understand the pain.

      Wishing you the best.

      1. I’m a work in progress. I met a really great therapist and she’s helping me dissect my situation and rebuild. I am focusing on myself and my son. It’s not about my spouse anymore, it’s about my recovery and happiness. If someone can’t see the value in you, it’s not worth pursuing because they’re going to always fall short. I’m learning not to settle. I am discovering my self-worth and finally doing things for me, being happy with who I am.

        Good luck!

  59. He told me he cheated an told me he wasn’t in love with me no more then after that he cheated with someone we both knew too makes things worst he only talk to me via text couldn’t even talk to me face to face after 8years too just walk away an move on like dat is crazy now he’s in a relationship with this person all over the internet having date nights I just feel like a face to face talk would have closure for this situation but now he is all in love that fast I’m really upset cause people is seeing all of this asking me and I don’t have any answers I just feel out of respect i deserved more then a text an when he told I was like it’s ok crap happens we can get over this but I can’t and to make things worst i never been alone I’m always in long relationship I was with my kids father 24years an he died 8years ago and I been with this person I thought I knew I tell u I did not see this coming I lost my mom this year ..just too much ….oh An he also told me we can talk one day well I’m not waiting for that I’m not even dating rite now i have too re group I’m over hurt just really confused cause I no these to been messing around cause they be doing to much I don’t think he ever loved me

  60. My husband of 23 yrs just told told me he isn’t in love with me anymore. I am beyond crushed. I feel gut punched and can barely breathe. He won’t leave our house and “wants to buy me out”. Nothing will change for him while my entire world is upside down. I was angry the first day he told me. I thought we were going to try and work through this but after 4 days he has decided it is over. No desire to fix anything other getting me out of his life. I never saw it coming. I’m devastated that he won’t give me a chance to fix my flaws and it kills me to think of him enjoying life with someone else and why wasn’t I good enough. I know this will pass but right now I can’t stop the tears, I can’t suppress the fears, and I can’t see anything in the future.

  61. I know compared to most women here it might not be a big deal. Because everyone seems to have been in relationships for years and fell deeply in love, but I wasn’t at that stage yet. I dated my boyfriend for only 3 months, I knew him before we dated. I was very happy with him he made me feel special and I shared many wonderful memories with. He was like the light in my darkness when I was feeling broken hearted over a year long relationship that nothing but full of heartache. And one day he tells me, he doesn’t feel the same way thah I feel for him. He told me he doesn’t feel excitement or ecstatic when he knows he’s going to see me. When he drops me off after a day together he feels nothing. Compared to his ex girlfriends before he felt that way but for some reason not with me. He says he doesn’t know why and he’s tried to shake the feeling off but it won’t go away. I kissed him and I caressed him and embraced him as a pathetic attempt to make him feel some type of way but at the end of the day he just told me he feels nothing and he doesn’t want to pursue anything and we need to move on. I know now his feelings for me and I know I need to move on but I can’t stop thinking about the pain. How I use to feel so joyful and happy with him meanwhile he was feeling some other type of way. And how bluntly he told me thah he couldn’t care less if we didn’t get to see each other for a day. It’s very painful to have someone just slowly lose feelings for you when you feel like everything was perfect. He told me it’s not me. He told me he’s not special that there’s a man out there who will love me and take care of me and be excitednwith me like I am. He said he’s tried hard but he couldn’t. Just when I thought my life was turning around and things were getting better it gets piled away from me the simple thing that I longed for so bad.

    1. Going through this too. Except we were together for 7 months, and dated a little bit before we were official. He said in the beginning everything was great. But then after a few months the novelty wore off and he felt like he was just going through the motions. He would take me out just to have someone to be with. He said that with other girls, even if they weren’t good for him, he at least felt like he really wanted to be with them. He even used the words “yes, I want her”. But with me that was missing. He even said that by now if he really wanted to be with me he would have started talking about marriage. It makes me feel a little better to know that I was the one who initiated the breakup conversation, because I was feeling neglected (After 7 months he never said I love you, or bought me a gift, or celebrated anniversaries. There was no passion. But I stayed because he would do things that made me think he loved me, like calling me beautiful and being affectionate and always paying when we went out. He made me feel like I was special and that he truly wanted me and was happy with me). And that’s when he admitted his feelings. It hurts because I wasn’t expecting that response from him. I never knew that he had fallen out of love. I always thought he was super into me. But I guess I ignored the red flags for too long. Now I have to get through the pain and the hope that maybe we could have something in the future. That maybe he will miss me and realize I was the best thing for him. But I think I really need to let that go. It’s just hard. He was my first boyfriend and now I am heartbroken. It’s a process. 🙁

      1. I am picking the pieces right now. After 6 months’ being together and before that a year hanging out in group as friend, the last words that he told me were ‘lose heart’ and ‘he doesn’t love me’. We shared a lot of good memories together, the deep conversation, traveling moments, etc. But of course there were ups and downs in the relationship, we had fights and fair share of mistakes that both of us were not proud of. But yeah, he doesn’t love me. He choose to give up on us. Isn’t that sufficient for me to have reasons to move on? Not really, deep inside of me, there is false hope, hoping that things will turn around, hoping that he will contact me again, hoping that both of us can work on this relationship again. After reading through the stories from other ladies here, I can’t help it but amazed at how we as women in general can have such hope? Is it because we are the one who got our heart broken? Is it because we are lonely? Is it because we simply love that man? Instead of walking away too, we are drowing ourselves into this painful feelings. Some days are good, some days I break down. Definitely don’t deny that still longing for him to return. I am currently learning to fight through and hoping that eventually I can come out to the other side; stronger, more beautiful inside out, happier and more thankful than ever. May God’s grace, mercy and strength be upon me forever..

  62. My boyfriend of 8 years and I were fine and looking to move out in the near future looking at houses and discussing everything what will be best for us, engagements, wedding the school for kids in future. I recently went away on a holiday and he had a lads holiday for a week. We spoke everyday fine! Until I was coming home felt he wasn’t that excited and he told me we needed to chat. Left me on 15 hour flight alone to come home crying my eyes out. I got home for him to tell me he doesn’t know if he is in love with me anymore. But that’s about as much as I’ve got to closure. Apparently it isn’t me? I’ve done nothing wrong. He doesn’t know why he feels this way. But said he needed time. I respected him and gave him time. And a month on he still doesn’t know and I’m no further forward in any closure. I keep being broken and broken again. Every time I think he is going to get it he just says I don’t know what to say I know your a good person but I can’t help how I feel. He said there’s no one else and he hasn’t cheated. I feel numb. I just have to somehow lose my best friend and life partner and plans over what? I don’t understand.

    1. Jess, I was really sad to read your letter. I felt a real connection to it because like you initially… I didn’t get any closure when my relationship ended. Closure for me I guess has come slowly over the last year in the form of realizing that this person that I thought I loved and trusted could behave so cowardly. I realize I want and need so much more. I have days where I am devastated but increasingly my life is blossoming. You could ask him to go to a few therapy sessions with you. I asked my ex husband to do that and he agreed. I said it would be useful for us both to understand what happened so that we wouldn’t repeat the same mistakes in our next relationships. The sessions were illuminating in that he stonewalled, lied and manipulated. He revealed himself to be pretty sad. I believe in my case there was mental illness and drug abuse. I think you’ll probably get more understanding as time passes. After eight years he owes you some explanation. I guess what I’m trying to say is that the clarity for me came from seeing the person as he was. My ex husband never gave me a straight answer but I could see by his behaviour that he wasn’t honest, healthy or coming from a place of integrity. Maybe keep giving him space and during that time assess whether he is the sort of partner you truly need and want? Also, just know that I know how you feel I’m really sorry for the pain you are having to go through right now.

  63. My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me, saying that he lost his feelings for me. We dated for a year before getting together. I have asked him if there is any other factors that contributed to his lost of feelings and he said none. I told him to try out for one month or two and if he doesn”t regain his feelings, i”ll let him go. He refused by saying his decision is firm and he doesn”t want to waste my time anymore. I don”t know what to do, as much as i want to have my self respect, i can”t help but to beg him to try again.
    Do you think we have a chance of getting back together? Or move on would be a better choice. What do you suggest?
    Thank you for taking time to read my comment.

    1. Hon I know exactly how you feel. Obviously my 3 month relationship can’t compare to your 2 yr one. But I did the same thing with my boyfriend. I asked him to stay with me longer for a trial period and see if he still feels this way. And he told me the same thing. That it’s not worth the waste of time. Don’t beg him back. If he firmly believes he feels that way unfortunately you need to let him go. Maybe having some time away from you will make him realize how life is without you meanwhile focus on yourself.

      1. I begged him too several days after the break up. No budge, he was firm. Even threw some cold acts and harsh words at me. Completely different person. Still hoping for some miracles that things will turn around really.. These 1.5 months have been very tough..

  64. I’m in tears. I’m numb. I dunno what I did Wrong. My husband and I have been together for almost ten years. I was planning our ten year anniversary. So much for that. The last couple of days I noticed him being very distant with me. I confronted him today and he finally told me he’s not in love with me anymore and that it’s been like this for a while. We got married young. We have three children & he told me he would tell me after our 2nds daughters birthday this Saturday. He said it’s a routine, he’s miserable and he hasn’t been happy in a long time. Why?!? Oh and he wants to be able to go out and do things and we have an 8 year old, soon to be 5 year old and our baby who just turned 1. How can he do this to me? He doesn’t even want to try counseling. I’m Devastated! Most of his friends are single with no kids and can go out and do fun stuff or go clubbing and relax without a care in the world. So yea I’m sure that’s it. Or he has his eyes on someone or is cheating on me. He says I don’t trust him, that I’m controlling. We rarely ever fought. We kept the Peace. And he left, just like that went to stay at his friends house. He left his ring on our counter. I feel like my whole world is falling apart. I don’t want my kids to grow up in a broken home. I don’t know what to do.

  65. I found this today whilst feeling lost. My partner and husband of 16 years said he didn’t love me after I found out about an internet affair. We have two young children. He changed from saying he didn’t love me to I’m sorry I want to try again yet couldn’t stop contact with her. He moved out and for the last 4 months has told me he loves me whilst I knew he didn’t and said so. So I pushed and pushed till he admitted he didn’t love me. He fell out of love with me and found her. He’s really tried to love me, I never wanted that I had told him to let me go and stop messing with my heart. I needed to hear the words again. I needed to hear him be truthful for once. I’m devastated but knew it in my heart.

  66. He says he doesn’t love me anymore all because we don’t understand each other. He said I always nag and get jealous over some girls. He doesn’t want me anymore as I keep pushing him to other girls especially when I get jealous or mad at him. I tried to beg for his love. I said to him that I’ll change, that I know I am wrong to act like that. But he says he is fixed anymore. He doesn’t want us to get back again..but then he also texted that maybe time will tell, if we were meant to be together we will be together in the end. He also said we needed time. I am a little bit confused of what he means. He’s fixed that he doesn’t want but says we need both to have time. I can’t really figure out what. Help please.

    1. I think you deserve someone that would love an honour you, and respect you enough to reassure you if you were jealous. I believe you also deserve a straight answer. It sounds like he’s kind of trying to string you along and not give you any kind of closure. I think you can do better. Just work on yourself and keep growing, healing and learning. Do lots of self-care. From my experience it seems like we need these toxic relationships to fully know who we are and our own worth. When we learn from them we are ready for true heart connection. You’re beautiful, amazing and unstoppable.

  67. My husband and I were married for 10 years. Together for 11. Things in our marriage started to go south. He works out of town on a 9 on 5 off rotation. When he came home he would just sit on the couch for those five days and do nothing. He became an emotionless blob. Years of this I decided to move out. I left. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever made because I love him so much. After a year of us being apart and pretty much never talking. He called me out of the blue and told me he needed somewhere for his kids to live. Their mother decided she didn’t want them anymore (they are 13 and 14) I have been in their lives since they were just babies and consider them my children. I have a tiny house and took the youngest. Well I guess that prompted my husband to want to make things work. He came in like a wrecking ball. He was back to that guy I married, I fell in love with. And then about a month and half in he expressed how hard it was. How he missed some woman he was “dating”. This woman, keep in mind lives 1000 miles away from him and they have only ever hung out once together. This relationship was very much phone based. After a few days he apologized and said he was over it. It was just an adjustment. And now another month later he just told me he loves me and I make him happy and we have so much fun together but he is not in love with me. I love this man so much. We made so many plans, summer trip with the kids, plans to buy a house for us all to live together in. He even involved his kids and told them we were doing all this stuff. (I had told him not to involve them because they had been through enough) I’m heart broken. I don’t know what to do. I just want my family back together. We have been having fun together. Going to concerts, going for motorcycle rides together. Doing stuff with the kids. I don’t get it.

  68. I’ve been with “m” for six months, the moment we met out dancing randomly we had a strong connection, he told me our first date not to fall for him as he was moving away, I laughed as I didn’t even know this guy. Regardless I had him pursue me if he wanted, which he did contacted me every day, and see eachother every day for a month before he moved. We got really close and I got pregnant, which he was great about supporting me. He did move home for 3.5 months and we did long distance which worked great, love flurished and sadly we lost the baby and he again supported me sending, him and his family (which I just met) He moved back here and starting working again which was a struggle for him (off work for 6 months), we went away on vacation, which I paid for most of it and we had a great time. Two weeks after we were back he decided to quick smoking And drinking, he started to get edgy towards me and stop intimacy and then whenever I asked him to come out with my friends he said no.
    He then told me over the phone that he is no longer was in love with me, (when we were at different BBQs) says he loves me to death but he doesn’t see a future, he’s just not good with relationships. But if I ever need anything he’s here for me and he absolutely wants to be present in each others lives. He texted me the following day saying he absolutely doesn’t want us to stop talking or be anti social. I do not respond as I’m grieving and then he texts me the following evening saying he hopes my Monday was as good as can be and that he doesn’t have work this week but hoping g to nail this big important interview and that he misses me and talking to me and it isn’t easy for me either. Wtf?
    Now I’m sure because it’s only been 6 months together and his longest relationship in 10 years, he’s 38. That he is showing the truth he doesn’t want to be with me. What do you suggest? I would love to make it work, a as he said we still need to get together and talk.

  69. my husband has stop saying I love you and has stopped being affectionate towards me .. he even calls me by my first name now.. so I have to come to realize he has fallen out of love with me, he recently just started kissing me goodnight and goodbye again but its a quick lil kiss.. I can feel he no longer loves me .. I think the signs were all there he has cheated on me before then worked so hard to get me back and I married him. I seem to regret it now more than anything . After I found he cheated I moved out and was going to move on,. I took him back we had a fantastic year and I agreed to get married. WEll that did not last .. he does spend time with me , he is in constant contact with me and does talk about things for us in the future .. but he has changed in many other ways . I am filled with loneliness and anxiety not knowing if he loves me or not. I have even given up and decided not to say I love you .. Start looking at apts for my son and I , and just concentrating on me . I dont know what to do .. Are the signs all there and I am ignoring things ? help

    1. Is your son his son too?

      I can tell you the instant I stopped loving my wife, and it was irrevocable.

      We were having an argument, and this was one of the rare ones I was winning. Out of nowhere she threatened to leave and take the kids, and said “good luck having a relationship with them now.”

      That was 14 years ago. My last child graduates in 4 years, and I am gone. I have been taking this marriage for 14 years for the sake of my children.

      I can’t wait to leave her.

      1. Daisy – I’m sorry to hear that you are in this situation. It sounds like he need you to be there for his children. He loves you for who you are in his life, but not to be with you. If I was you, I would be there for the kids if I can and let him know that is all I’m willing to do because I don’t trust him to be in the type of relationship I desire with a man who loves and want me for me and not how I can be there for his children. Good luck

      2. Me – you should have filed for visitation or joint custody 14 years ago. In 4 years when you leave her you are going to hurt your adult children and have them feeling responsible. On top of that you have shown them an unhealthy relationship because you sound like you can’t stand their mother and I’m sure your actions aren’t hidden as much as you may think so. It sounds like you decided to stay because your children would be ripped away but you may have ripped them of seeing, learning and knowing what a healthy relationship is. I hope you made the right decision for your children sakes. Study shows children ages 18-24 have a hard time dealing with divorce parents when the graduate high school or in college.

      3. Please don’t do it. Remember the good times and the reasons you fell in love. Don’t let this argument be the jumping off point. You can reconnect and have restoration with God.

    2. Marisol – it sounds like your husband has been trying to win you over but you are still not over the cheating. You may be pushing him away emotionally because of your anxiety of what he did in the past. A man planning things for you and his future doesn’t sound like a man who doesn’t love you but one who is exhausted from trying to prove to his wife that he does. I hope you and your husband can get through this hump in your marriage.

  70. I’m at a very hurtful time right now. I married my wife 7 years ago. We thought we had found the “one.” Seems from the very beginning we had turmoil in our relationship. We did have arguments and both said terrible things to one another out of anger. But we knew our love was unique and strong. My dream in life was to move to an island with a woman of my dreams, and live out the remainder of our time together. She knew what I wanted and we made the big move! As a girl that basically came from the ghetto and lived in dysfunction, as I myself had from being raised in a military environment, and moving to an island would be the lifetime dream. After her moving here 5 years ago she started to make things happen for herself. She started and Alzheimer’s Association as well as an Alzheimer’s and Dementia Care business…..all fully supported by me. I loved seeing her grow from her no self esteem to someone that started believing in themselves. I was her biggest fan….I gave myself to her by being the housewife…..I did all our laundry, I did all the cooking, I did the cleaning. I did it out of being in love by placing her first. We’ve been going through some tough times lately as she’s now overwhelmed with her business and dealing with her father’s ailing health that I have tried to be supportive but at the same time let her know that I am not seeing her hardy at all…..sometimes 4 days at a time. It’s been lonely in my life as she’s not with me at nights, nor days….and when she is here, it’s for a day or so with nothing but a work filled existence. We did go to Barbados for a couple of weeks thinking it would reconnect us, but just two days ago I had her tell me that she loves me, but she’s not in love with me. I immediately broke down. I was lost….confused….hurt….and felt rejected. After all we’ve been through I was dead inside. I cry like a little puppy all the time and can’t sleep at night. I asked if someone else was in her life and she got somewhat defensive… all I have been reading about using that one sentence “marriage killer” that she may be wandering, or has intentions to. Either way, it’s so painful and at my age of 62 I am not sure how my life can exist and go forward. As a man, and reading about all the women here, does it pertain to men too? Do I feel differently than you….or should I? This is just to much to bear right now……..

    1. Getting hurt hurts,it doesn’t matter if you are make or female. The pain is real. I am so sorry you are going through this. It takes time.

    2. It does pertain to men as well. Woman, male- we all love differently BUT we all feel. Love can be beautiful and Love can also be nothing more than pain, especially when its not being reciprocated. It sucks questioning yourself, whether your allowed to feel a certain way, whether you can cry… but you can… you are always entitled to feel..

      I hope your pain eases in time. Sometimes people need to fall apart to fall back today. Sometimes people belong apart. I say that out of experience. Truly wish you the best. Dont question your feelings. It’s just the way you feel and there’s nothing wrong with that. Nobody can correct your feelings.

  71. My husband of two years decided he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. We met while we were both in the military but i was kicked out because of a bad choice i made and sent to the brig for 2 months. He stood by my side through it all and we had a beautiful baby girl that following september. we moved to another state so he could start his new job and things were going great. Yes we had our fights but nothing extreme. One day after i caught an attitude i noticed his face seemed tired, he said sit down let me talk to you. ” i don’t want this, i don’t want to be married”. In that moment my heart broke my whole world came tumbling down. I know i haven’t had the best attitude lately and that is wrong because he pays most of our bills while i was going to school and being a stay at home mom. Now I’m stuck wondering what i could have done better , i gained some weight , but i was working out . I don’t know if he is just drained from all the drama i put him through and despite some of the mean things he has said like “I’m not in love with you any more”, he also claimed to be taking male enhancement pills to please me because he wasn’t “feeling it” sometimes. but i don’t believe that because when we made love it was always random and passionate . I don’t know why he is saying these things to hurt me. I’ve always been faithful and he knows i love him so i don’t know what to do but respect his wishes and leave. A part of me wishes he will come back to me one day but the way he ended things and deleted our pictures off of his social media . I think its over and my heart is beyond broken. I blame myself.

    1. Christina- I’m sorry to hear about your relationship. You mentioned that there was drama and he appeared to be drained for the last time. Have you asked yourself why you were in attitude mode so often and kept up the drama? Some men can have problems sexually with their partners when that person is drama filled or always with an attitude or complaining. I’m sure when you you didn’t have attitude and was the person he fell in love with he was able to perform spontaneously. He sound like he was taking care of his family while you were earning an education to enhance not just your own life but your family as well. Life can get so busy that couples can get so tied up with work, school, children, etc that one may feel neglected and don’t know how to express or communicate what they need and want, so they end up expressing in anger while the other person is caught off guard. Give him space and be honest with yourself and even seek counseling on how you can communicate effectively.

  72. Hi, I found out in January that my husband of a year and half (been together 13 years, we were each others first) was having an emotional affair with a co-worker! since November he was coming up with excuses – I don’t want kids (we were trying for a year, even saw a specialist) I gave up kids for him, than came the excuse were not friends anymore, than I don’t think I love you.
    All the time he was wanting to fix things.
    Than I found out about her in January and that he had feelings for her! I told him to choose, he wanted to fix things but than that weekend she left her husband and so mine left me!
    End of January he had chosen her, they are now buying an apartment and are moving in together.
    Its only been 3 months and they have moved so quickly.
    How can he just do that! we weren’t having any major issues.
    During this time my house was sold and divorce is being spoken of.
    I’m going out of my mind, I love him and want to fix things, he’s not acting himself at all.
    He says he still cares about me, that he’s worried about me and wants to be friends, he even wants to help me find somewhere to live.
    Will he wake up one day and realise what he has done?

    1. If his love for you is real- yes, he will realize what he has done. I had a similar situation going on which leads to why I believe yes. I was with my first from the time I was 16 to 22. At 22, I found out about all the cheating he was doing, all the girls he was messing around with, he even dated someone shortly after I left him for it. Were now about to be 25 and he asked me to marry him. He has apologized and fully acted in ways that have helped me understand and accept that before was simply the wrong time. Have faith, and stay strong. Dont let him think he still has control over your life and your emotions. Grow as you would if he were next to you, and maybe he will be once again.

  73. Hey
    Im Paulina, currently 18 years old. I experienced first love, and it lasted for 2 years. We were/are classmates. We have seen each other every day. We have known each other better then anyone else did. Im a really complicated person, but I felt he is the ONLY person who accepts me for who I am.
    Our story began with a friendzone. He adored me. He was obsessed. He couldn’t stop fighting for me. Eventually I gave him a chance and I felt the best with him. We had arguments, we are both jealous types.
    But we were inseparable. Like my twins sister used to say like a married couple. We were out of this crazy teenage world of drinks and parties. We were the two against the whole world. It was like I found somethings special. Unfortunately we broke up twice. But every time we got back I felt like…our love is like immortal. Every time we survived something like this, I felt undying love.
    But then for the 3rd time we had to keep our relationship is secret.
    And that is what broke everything.
    We couldnt meet that much. At school we had to act like friends. He started to talk with more and more girls. My other twin commited failed suicide right at the beginning of our new fresh start. I became paranoid.
    Now he broke up with me. He doesnt adore me the way he did. And now I feel that im that super complicated person again, and no one can understand my thoughts, and maybe they dont even want to.
    Im super lost. His love was so intense so big and he moved on in 1 week…after Everything we had.
    He still looks at me. He wants to dance with me at the prom. But he pushes me away with the fact that ” I have ruined everything”.
    I was trying so hard to get him back. First I started the no contact rule but then he started to date someone and I freaked out. HE, the one, who was loving every part of me. After one week.
    I felt heartbroken.
    We still see each.other every day. I try not to look at him and try to concentrate. But I always realize im so alone without my partner. Without my soulmate. I seek for hope every time I think about us.
    Moving on seems like destroying every beautiful moment we had. Feels like killing a part of you that cares. He lies about liking that girl, but they spend the whole day together, and just right after we broke up. He says im pathetic everytime he can. He says I should just get messed up because that is what I am. He is mad and angry. He changed like a cursed child. Will he be the old boy ever again?
    I tried to seek for help. But everyone seems to have their own problems. I will go to a psychologist, but im afraid to tell them my teenage love life after a kid who lost their parents or something much worse.
    Time will solve everything. I know.
    I still have to focus on being happy, but without my soulmate it seems impossible.

  74. Okay so I am still sort of young, I just turned 21 a month ago. I started dating this boy when I was 19. We broke up last April, got back together in May & lasted until July. So I would say we were together for about a year. He is 2 years older than me. We were in love, spent a lot of time together. Our last breakup happened due to the fact that he said he wasn’t in love with me anymore. the first time was because he didn’t find me as physically attractive as he did. he thought I was fat and wished I was naturally prettier. My confidence took a 180. I was so blinded by love and I feel that I still am. I never judged him or made him feel bad about himself. We were best friends. We break up and continue to talk after… and hook up. I become really sad and depressed because I feel used and he’s confused. He wanted to be friends. & when I would try and move on, he would make me feel really bad. We just cut things off 3 weeks ago and I told him to leave me alone … & I ask him if he ever sees us getting back together. He says that only time apart can tell. so we stop talking and I find it weird that he actually listened to me. he never messaged me, which I thought was really weird. So I ask him “do you not miss me anymore?” And he says “I think I should be honest with you” & I said, “I agree”. So he tells me that he met someone and they’ve been talking. I respond oh okay, cool! Thanks.
    I don’t know how to feel or what to say. I am just so hurt and sad. I know I deserve better I just can’t seem to find the motivation. Should I say anything to him? do I hate him? Do I let it go?

    1. Nicole, this guy is a POS. He’s manipulating you.

      I fail to understand why women continue to put out for men that are so blatantly using them. I get it if it’s mutually agreed that a relationship is purely sexual, but this guy is controlling you without making an emotional investment in you, and you’re playing along hook, line, and sinker.

      You want to be worthy of being loved? Start with respecting yourself by telling the guy to go f**k himself.

    2. Hi Nicole, i dont know the whole story but from what i read i am in the same position my husband Or idk what to call him anymore but anyways he said he didnt find me attractive and that hes feeling had changed from when we first met. He said i had gained weight and i knew that i wasnt taking much care of myself maybe because i felt comfortable with him. I met him when he was alittle more over weight and then when he lost alot of weight and then he gained it but that never gave me a reason to leave him. Work on your body workout even when it is difficult so he sees youre working on it. Maybe give it time but not too much it is really hard to wait when hes the one you want but talk to him seriously about the him talking to someone else because you need to know that isnt fair at all i hope things get better for you and if you love him find out and see go with what you feel dont give up. Best luck to you.

  75. Im so glad to have seen this. Im going through the same right now. My so is military and we have a child. A 10 month old. He told me almost a week ago that he doesnt want to be with me anymore after finding out he was planning on leaving me. He says he doesnt love me anymore and that Im not what he wants anymore. My heart is breaking. Im not working because Im a stay at home mom. I want to work on things but he doesnt. When hes not at work hes sat on his computer playing video games. So I feel like he just doesnt see me anymore. Ive gained a tremendous amount of weight in the past few years before having the baby and I hate my body. I feel like he does too. Im lost and my heart breaks for my baby. As we have to move 3 provinces away. Im heart broken. I love him with all my heart and i want nothing more but to work this out.

    1. Hi Janelle,

      Maybe hes saying that because he knows hes leaving and maybe he knows youre gonna stay alone back home and sad. I understand you how youre feeling when they say youre not what they want anymore because i was told that. I have been trying to just workout to feel better about myself. Maybe we just lost our selves and got too comfortable in not taking care of our bodies :/ your situation sounds alittle similar to mine also my husband used to only play on his xbox with his friends and wouldnt really pay attention to me. You could try talking to him but i feel men that were in the military can be difficult to talk to :/ goodluck to you and that things get better for you and him and your baby 🙂

  76. I am glad i came across this. My husband a and kicked me on Saturday. This is the second this has happened. I had to it from his that he he fell out of love with me. An arising issue we constantly had was his communication with his baby momma. He me on Saturday hes always going to have feelings for her. Ive prayed and fought for my marriage im wondering if this could be God telling me something?

  77. We were together for 5 years ..married for 3.. we had a our last fight 2 weeks ago before he told me he wasnt happy and didnt find me attractive anymore he said i care for you but i wasnt happy i don’t understand what happend i used to do everything for him he was in the army i waited months weeks days never cheated om him i only had eyes for him i used to not work when he was in the army i would always be there for him to tell me about his days i would cook every day clean and wash and care for him when he was sick i used to sacrifice my sleep to take care of him always always i only had eyes for him. We met out of nowhere he met me when he was going to join the army he couldnt have met me but he broke his foot and that delayed the date of him leaving and because of that he met me … i felt that it was a sign of god that we met because i wasnt looking for love i was focusing on school but it happend he looked for me he wanted to keep in touch .. anyways i was always here for him waited because i felt in my heart that i was worth it he said he wanted to be with me he wanted to marry me and now 4 years later he says i dont find you attractive anymore this has to end i had felt like this the past months .. yes i noticed a little difference that he didnt pay attention to me as much anymore more cold towards me but i didnt give up i still love him i know i wasnt being the perfect wofe he had when i used to not work .. i wouldnt cook as often sometimes there was a mess at home and we would fight more often of money problems but i didnt think he didnt love anymore but he was lying … now when he said he didnt find me attractive and didnt feel the same anymore that it was done nothing else to do i decided to leave … he just says what he wants is to be alone and focus on what he wants and what he wants is to be alone he says he cares but thats it he says there is no solution anymore. I want to give him time ans space but all i wish is to run to him wakeup and that everything could be happiness but it is not i feel alive but dead i dont care about nothing or anyone he took days of work he said hes lonely but only cuz he was used to me.. He will be going back to his parents house. This is just so difficult my days are just darkness he says he understands because a girlfriend he had in high school left him and he thought about having a future with her. I dont know what to think anymore how can someone who i felt loved me so strong not love me at all anymore. He said he wanted kids with me when i was ready and when we were stable.. I feel used i feel like i wasted my time.. he cries but i dont know why and also why is it difficult for him when he doesnt love me or find me attractive thats why he didnt wanna try to make it work anymore it was unexpected for me but he said he had been thinking about this for some time…

    1. I’m so sorry to hear your story Claudia. I understand how you feel. It’s really hard when someone checks out of the relationship when you’ve given them your heart. I wonder if his change of heart has something to do with depression or post dramatic stress disorder from being in the army. It sounds like you tried your best and were a very good partner. Maybe you lost yourself a little bit. Maybe this is a time for you to learn more about yourself and what truly makes you happy independent of another person. I’ve spent the last year healing and finding myself and I think when I do fall in love again I’ll be much wiser and more equipped to handle being in a relationship. My heart goes out to you. You’re not alone. Try and be gentle and good to yourself. Just do the next right thing and then the next.

      1. Thankyou Sandy and well this is just hard to deal with every day i feel empty. I wish to have made this work but he does not want to anymore. I am trying to work on myself and i do i work i go to the gym and spend time with family but i still feel lost and we have talked but he still stands still on saying this is it and we are just dealing with the car stuff and bank stuff 🙁 thats it..

        1. Hey Claudia,

          Its so good that you are going to the gym and surrounding yourself with family. I know how lost and devastated you must feel. One thing that has helped me is knowing I have to take care of myself if I’m going to be any help to anyone else. I promise it will get easier over time. Sometimes I would just cry and cry. Terrible days but increasingly a good day would come around. Also, you may want to find a good therapist or life coach in your area. The support of a professional could be really helpful. I know sometimes the costs can be an issue but often they have a sliding scale to help people that are stuck. Another thing that helped me is to see good friends everyday. I became pretty isolated in my relationship. Being around happy healthy people helped me to see how warped my toxic relationship was. Now I’m very selective about people in my life. The people I surround myself with treat me like a precious gem. I feel supported, respected and cherished more than I ever have in my life. Looking back this relationship helped me to create a much better life. Love and hugs to you. I’ll be thinking about you and everyone else that has stumbled on this forum.

          1. Hey Sandy,
            Thanks again for the reply thanks for taking your time to respond to me it is been really hard sometimes i feel okay but i cant seem to distract myself and i try my hardest. I seem to cry out of nowhere because all i wanted was to us not give up we went through so many things together we were almost homeless and he gained and los weight and gained and i never left him i stayed he knows im worth it he says but all he wants to be is alone he says i dont know because i want to give him time and space but i would think time and space would probably make him forget about me 🙁 I dont want to give up i want to try but he doesnt want to i dont want to pressure him and idk if maybe hanging out but not talking about nothing bad would be okay im just scared. I have not shared anything with friends or family about what im going through. I saw him and he was trying to make me laugh and joking around i was like what? In my mind. But still he doesnt talk to me unless its something that has to do with our cars our phones stuff we had accounts together in.

  78. I was in a physically abusive relatioship for two years and i had been sexually attacked several times as an adolescent. I was a drug addict. Then i met my amazing man of a fiance. Beautiful blue eyes very handsome and just amazing. He was the first person my entire life who showed me how to be sober how to attack life how to grow . we have been together 8 years this august. Well the past 2 months or so its really gone down hill. Hes always had a short fuse and a temper but its really gotten bad. He has never hit me. But the words he says are so hurtful. He says im crazy and i need to fix myself but will not admit he needs to work on himself. I try everything he wants me to do. I am in counseling i am on medication i deleted facebook i bought a game even though i really didnt want to but he wants me to play. When we have our talks 90 percent is him telling me what i need to change. As soon as i open my mouth and tell him what i think he needs to change you wont believe the responses i get. One day we were talking and he ran to the bathroom and threw up. Then we continued to talk he clutched his chest and winced in pain like he was having a heart attack went into the bathroom turned the shower on and locked the door. Hes never done that before. Locked a door on me. Most of the time he will say his blood pressure is up hes to mad and doesnt want to talk no more. I barely can even finish tellinf him he has a temper problem before he has this reaction. He cant go out in public without taking a valium or hell have a panic attack. He wont goto a counselor. He wont go to a counselor with me. He tells me he wants to see his family that lives 500 miles away and i tell him go and see how you feel about me in a couple of weeks then come back and make a decision . in these past two months hes said im stupid retarted no body wants to hear me speak he doesnt love me anymore hes only with me cuz he feels sorry for me. Ive heard it all. I understand i have some issues but i am never mean to him. Tonight he kissed me and an hour later told me he doesnt care about me no more. I am confused. I think he is very depressed litterally lays on couch 85 percent of day. The only time he get up is to cook and do dishes. Yes atleast he does that. I almost want to force him to go see his family. I think the time apart would be good for both of us. If i could drag him to the car and take him i would. I believe very much through sickness and in health. We have been through so much in these 8 years please god show me the way

  79. I met a man and it was love at first site. I never believed in the notion but it happened. Everything was wonderful, a fairytale. For the first time in my life I felt like I belonged. His family was wonderful. Everything was amazing. I was extremely happy for the first time in my life. I have my own house, car, career and then the love of my life to complete me. Then things changed. He would only text me, tell me he missed me and wanted to see me but he didn’t. He lead me on for months. He would tell me im literally everything he is looking for, im beautiful and amazing. He would plan to see me and I would feel so unbelievable happy and hopeful and then he would say he can’t and it crushed me. He did this over and over again. He made me lose my dignity. He made me feel like a fool. Eventually he told me he wasn’t interested anymore, he didn’t love me and that I forced things. This further crushed my soul. One day I decided I wanted to end my pain. I couldnt take it no more. I overdosed on Tylenol PM in an attempt to end my life. I thought i was really going to die and I wanted to but I didnt. I spent a night intubated in the ICU, and another 3 days in the hospital recovering before I was transferred to a mental hospital for the next 2 weeks. I am home now but I’ll never be the same. Everyday is a constant struggle to get out of bed. I think about him day and night. I can’t get him out of my head. My sister text him and told him what happened. He asked why he was being notified and never asked if I was ok. I tell myself how could I love someone like that. but I do. It hurts deeply. I lost my soulmate. I lost myself. I lost my will to live. I am severely depressed. I feel like it’s my fault, I’m unlovable, doomed. I have to fight to stay alive everyday holding onto hope that things will get better one day. I want to be who I was before I met him. I wish I never met him. He took something from me and I want it back. I want my old self back. I will never be the same.

    1. Hi Ashley, I’m so sorry. It sounds very toxic and abusive to me. You may want to research emotional abuse to get a handle on why you still feel in love with this man.
      I would suggest that you make healing your priority. I’ve been through something similar and that’s what I’m doing. Sending love and strength.

  80. You don’t deserve that. My husband replaced me whilst he was crashing on my couch before he moved out. It still hurts but overtime it will become easier. Give yourself time to grieve fully. Surround yourself with people who are supportive and walk. My dog and I would just walk on our own and I always felt a bit better for it. You have to remember that you are a special person who deserves to be treated with respect. I still struggle with that at times but when my daughter who is autistic throws her arms around me and she reminds me that I am strong and special to someone . You are special and deserve so much better.

  81. I was the one who posted about my 9 year relationship that ended in just a snap. I am now learning to accept that its over, but whats making it worst is that i found out a week after we broke up and called off our wedding, he got wed to another girl thru civil rites. Its such a shame how his love dies in an instant and how quickly i was replaced. Everythings happening so fast i couldnt handle this heartbreak after heartbreak. I dont know if i could take this all in this too much pain and i dont deserve this. How can he do this to me when all i did was love him and did everything to maintain our relationship.

  82. I love him so so much, but he told me he doesn’t love me back! He just broke up with me and live me alone. I cried all day long. He said i’m not attractive enough and boring for him. But i can try to work on it. He just blocked me. He don’t want to see or hear anything about me. And i thinking about him every time!

    I love him, i need him, he’s my life. Why this world is so cruel. I don’t wan’t to leave anymore(((

    1. Olga, mine left a year ago and we have a 4 year old son.ive tried for a year to speak to him to just anger him and get verbal abuse.He was the love of my life.

      Its been the most difficult thing to accept in my life but sadly we cannot control how the other person feels.

      Acceptance is the most gut wrenching thing and it’s a long journey!I haven’t even got half way there yet as I’ve delayed the process and he has used me for emotional comfort sex and I’ve allowed it.I hoped he would realise but it’s evident he cannot be bothered to try at all.
      Does he have his own issues?sometimes depression can make you look at someone sure he’s attracted to you.its a defense mechanism on his part.

      How long were you together and do you know if he has something going on with him or factors that put a strain on you both?

      I wish we could meet as I feel like life is broken and we could try to help each other.
      i know it will get easier.
      Trust me I will 😊

  83. My boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago. We bad a beautiful serious relstionship but once we had a heated argument and didn’t have chance to tall about it. Next time he visited me told me he didn’t love me anymore and we should break up. I couldn’t believe it that after all the travels and memories he says he isn’t in love with me. I tried to contact him to give a chance, to talk it through, to go to therapy but he refused. He said things he missed me and hoped we couls continue, but we just cant. He didn’t try to solve the problem, he thought the best way was to break up. He then blocked me 2 months later as he thought this was the easiest way. I felt terrible. I couldn’t believe he didn’t love me and try to fight to get him talk to me. We then talkes again after 2 months, he said he had a girlfriend and that he is sorry for the pain he caused. He told me he misses me as a person but not as love. I broke off the contact and blocked him because I still have feelings. I try to accept his decision, but it’s painful that he didn’t try to solve why he didn’t love me but just simply broke up with me. I wish I acted differently after the break up, more mature, and I wished he tried to solve things before actually breaking up with me. Now, I have no more chance to talk about it. What would it solve? I have to let him go and live his life. It hurts that he found a girlfriend after 4 months. I still might love him and if he asked, forgive him. I knew it will never happen and that makes me sad. To me, he was the one.

  84. Me and my fiance have been bumping heads since we’ve moved in together … yesterday he told me that we are no longer fiance and fiance but boyfriend and girlfriend.. that hurt, but why hurt more is what he said today .. He’s no longer in love with me, and that hurts sooo much. Not just because im deeply in love with him, but because this is my first love, who broke my heart, time and time again, early on.. Even while we was breaking me, I was in love with him.. But now he’s not in love with me and I feel like I’m losing it.. he hardly speaks to me, doesn’t touch me, won’t let me hug him and refuses to hear me say I love you..I want our relationship to work but I don’t know what to do..

    1. Hi Brittany,

      I know how you feel but as I understand he didn’t leave you. I think that means he is open to a conversation and to solve things together. I think you have to make him understand you need to talk about it and solve your problems. Don’t let it go if there’s still a chance.


      1. You were right. We needed to talk, to put our problems out in the open. We both have alot of growing to do, and maybe it’s best, we get better at solving are issues before becoming engaged again. I love him, I’ve loved him since I was 16, and because this is what I want, I have to continue fighting . Understanding one another has been our issue, but I think we’re finally making ways. Thanks so much,

      2. Melina,
        I just wanted to thank you. Really opened my eyes. The whole time I thought he just didnt want me anymore, he didnt love me, but really he was just crying out for me. I’m glad things worked out for us.

  85. We’ve been together for 7 months, it was my first real relationship and i gived him everything. He was alway caring and lovely towards me. On Sunday he was meant to come over to mines but instead of coming upstaris he asked if i can meet him outside. we sat outside and he said “I don’t know how to say this but i’m no longer in love with you. I love you but I’m not in love with you. I’ve been trying to figure out what to do, I have talked to my friends, parents and sister.” I was so overwhelmed and out of words that i just asked what’s now and he said ” I don’t know, you’re like a perfect match for me in everyway, I don’t know why my feelings dissapeard….I’m sorry” he hagged me multiple Times but i just didn’t knew what to say, I would want to fix it, its been only a day and i don’t know what to do. I haven’t texted him but did we broke up without saying it’s over, should i texted him in few days to talk it through?

    1. Dear WS,

      I went through the same and unfortunately I made a lot of mistakes. I pushed him to talk when he couldn’t and that led to a lot of argument that destroyed our relationship even more. I think now you should give him time to see how things are without you. A few weeks or a month. He will contact you, my ex contacted me as well although he said almost the same things as your boyfriend. If there’s no contact, try to reach him but I advise you not to push things. It’s hard but it will cause more damage than good.


  86. My boyfriend just broke up with me ,saying “He’s disgust” all i want in our relationship was his love and attention. He said that i act like a child and that hurt me so much. We’ve been together for 2 years, he’s my first true love, i never came myself to another the way i gave myself to him. However, i never felt like i was his priority; he never had time for me, i see him once in a month or two, i dont even know his family, daughter neither his friends. I almost felt single when i’m not. I love him so much that i even begged for his attention. The reason i held on our relationship is because i’m so afraid of change and that breaking up with him will leave a void in my life i’m afraid of being lonely.

  87. My 9 year relationhip ended in just a snap. I blame myself for its all my fault. We dont have the perfect relationship but we go through it all together. During our 1st year together i got pregnant. We lost our baby. Inspite all that he promised to be a better man after that. I love him so much with all my heart. His face constantly reminded me our child. I prayed for us always.
    Our relationship was tested 4 years ago i felt that our relationship has become stagnant. I needed space that time. I told him so. I met another man and that man reminded me of him. Until 1 day he caught us. I know he loves me. I thought he has forgiven me for that mistake. We worked hard to stay together. We were happy and made those challenges lessons for a much more stronger healtier relationship. We were happy then up until he has to leave 3months ago to work far away. He has to work far away for him to be able to provide for our future. Before he left we got enganged. He said he was the happiest when i said yes. I am too. We planned together babies ànd building a happy home. While we are in long distance relationship everything changed. I got worried that he hasnt contacted me for almost a month saying his phones broken. Until 3 days ago he called saying he no longer love me. I asked why and i cant believe because we were so happy planning our future together. He said to me he cant forget what happen 4years ago when i dated another man. He thought he can forgive or accept but he didnt. He said he had no one to talk to about it and its killing him. All the days we were not in proper communication all past events keeps coming back to his head. I thought we were past this and moved on because we were happy and inlove. But i guess his love is not strong enough. Now, i am left devastated, i have been with him all these years, worked hard to make us happy, Everthing i already have given to him. I am to blame for all of this. What hurt the most after all that weve been through, am i not worth the fight. I dont understand why in just a snap he has lost his love when he didnt even talk to me how he felt when we were far away. He was loyal and faithful and i broke him.
    Its been 4 days now. And im trying really hard to taccept and i i felt like im going crazy. The past still haunts us and now it consumes us. I love him so much so much more when he has proposed to me. But now its gone.
    Ive been reading all posts here. And its my first time to tell my story. And at least this made me cut a little burden in my heart. Thanks to all your stories. So inspiring how you all got stronger after.

    1. I’m sorry to read your story mae. It hurts right now but I promise it does get easier. Try to forgive yourself. People make mistakes. You are loved. I know what it’s like to put so much into a relationship and have it crumble in front of you. It will make you so much stronger and so much more capable of deeper love.

  88. Like most on here i feel the same emotions. Im not going to go into details about my situation. However, I will say reading and reading this site plus all the stories below has shown me that Im not alone in what Im feeling nor am I as crazy to be in love with someone who doesnt recognize how great I am. I want to personally thank the author of this website as well as all of you who openly share and pour your feelings out so that ones like me who feel alone in our thoughts and actions know we are not as alone as we believe. I pray for each of you and just like Ive learned today “just so, everything belongs” isnt for him not loving but for me to love myself that much more! God Bless the reader. #staystrong

  89. I am so glad to reach this website today. My boyfriend moved out from our common flat almost 3 months ago. My heart was broken, I was talking and asking him to come back without any positive answer. He said his feelings have changed and he can’t handle my bad habbits, he is not happy like that. He has to be selfish now – he said – and move out, otherwise we not gonna have a future together. He need space and time to think because he doesn’t want to make a bad decision. I was devastated and heartbroken, because I didn’t know what exactly he meant by saying bad habbits and did started to focus on myself and figure out everything by myself. I gave him an other month without even contacting him. I did realize a lot of things, what I have to change, what we should figure out together. But the most important was that I would like to get him back. After the month has passed I also had to move out from our common flat and let him know about the details regarding to the moving. I also said, I want to talk to him. He didn’t want to. Not even about the flat. So I pushed him again to talk and asked.him to listen to me, hoping he will realize how many things I have figured out alone. We ended up really fighting, because he didn’t event want to hear out us anymore, he was blaming and yelling at me and said, everything was bad and my fault in our relationship. He was yelling that he doesn’t love me but he hates me now. I just couldn’t let him go… I felt so said that he couldn’t even listen that I just lost my mind. Since then I have moved home to my parents and try to rebuild myself again. I didn’t contact him since then, just wrote him a farewell letter (what I would have told him, if he could have listen to me that night). Since then there was 1-2 days when he was constantly calling and texting me because the moving out from the flat got urgent. He had to solve them, but I couldn’t answer him. I just couldn’t pretend it’s easy for me because he didn’t even want to listen to me before.

  90. we were in a heated argument because he stopped speaking to me for days, i approached and told him lets talk and he became angry and to the top of his lungs so i became argumentive also, he then says i have falling out of love with you.

  91. good evening sir/ maam; i am really broken hearted as of this moment because we just broke up with my boyfriend. he really do such effort and he is so loyal and faithful to me. one problem is that im so abusive. before i just took him for granted. when we got problem i always says break up because i used to do it because i know he cant afford to lose me . that scenario always rep[eating until such time now he says he gave up on me and that doesnt love me anymore . i admit because of thats why he did it and i can blame him. but i know that he still loves me but always says he doesnt love me anymore . he ignores me and doesnt reply my txtback . he was so sincere in saying those things. i didnt believe that he has another girl because he was so attentive on me . my problem is that i want to get him back . he always emphasize that thats why he gave up on me its because of my negative attitude and he was tired of it already . i love him . i want to take him back . what to do ?

  92. My husband and i where together for 11 years. We are highschool sweethearts and well our relationship seemed to be going great when all of a sudden he dropped the bomb on me. I never saw it coming and felt like my whole world fell apart when it happened. We separated July 18, he told me he was not happy and that he didnt feel the same way anymore. Then came the confessions of cheating and how he could no longer look me in the eye knowing what he had done. I was a complete mess, i begged him to work on the relationship despite the cheating and everything i wanted to make this work. I just couldnt believe that just the day before we where out having dinner like we usually would and the next day he was breaking up with me. Afterwards he said he needed to work on himself. Its been 3 months going on 4 and in that time many things have happened. I left the country for 2 months because i knew that if i stayed here it would be to hard for me to stop looking for him. That was the best decision i made because now that i am back, i feel so much better and although it is still hard i know that i will get through this. Im not even going to lie, i still have that small glimmer of hope that he will regret his decision and will come back, but i cant sit around waiting for that. I now realize that his unhappiness is not my fault and i realize that i cant blame myself for his actions. We talked a few days ago to discuss the divorce which i agreed for him to file, and told him i would sign the papers without a fight. Although that is not what i want, i wont keep him married to me if he is sure this is what he wants. I have been working on me, have lost some weight, and am feeling good about myself. I will let him go and if it is meant to be than he will come back to me, if not then theres something better for me out there. Coming from the girl who just a few months ago felt like she couldnt go on without him and that her life and dreams where over YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT!!! It does get easier, you just have to believe in you and more importantly realize that this is not your fault. I still struggle a little some days but i can tell you i am nowhere near the mess i was when it all happened. Something i do advice is to not beg it will make things worse trust me. I humilliated myself and it did not work, you will only give him more power and will reassure him that he made the right decision. Now i dont evem feel like calling or texting. I dont even feel the need to have to see him when a few months ago i felt like i couldnt go a day without communicating with him. It will be hard trust me i know but it will get easier. I hope this helps someone going through this right now.

    1. Thank you ,your story helps. My husband and I were together for 16 years married for 12. We have 2 beautiful children. My husband held a lot of secrets from me for a long time and I did everything in my power to make him happy and take care of our children and it wasn’t enough. I feel so lost seeing him and knowing my feelings go un met. We decided to be amiable and get along for the boys and I figured that is better than not having him in my life at all. He says he still cares for me but isn’t in love with me. It hurts like a knife to hear or say. He will always be in my life because of our children and I was caught so unaware. It has been a little over 2 weeks and I know it will get easier but it really sucks right now. I ask him how this happened but he can’t tell me, all he tells me is how great I am what an ass he was and that I did everything he ever asked and basically there is nothing that can be done. I want my boys to have their father here and I wish he was too but there is nothing I can do and I hate how powerless I feel.

      1. Hi Sarah
        Your story is basically my story and it does suck. Do you have support around you by family and friends? My sister in law is my rock. My husband didn’t even stay with me the day my dad died he still went to work as life goes on. You have to be prepared for things like that. Once mine told me that he finds me dull and boring and he is not in love with me anymore our relationship is pure room mate feeling. You will need support as some days are harder. Your kids may sense the change in the relationship too so they may start to act up a bit when you are all together.
        You need to work out if you can stay knowing that you will be hurt at times and knowing that the person who you love wont say it or act it back. It is very hard.

  93. My boyfriend has lost his feelings I love him and I still want to be with him because he sacrificed a lot for me but I took him for granted and I failed to read between the lines now I’m trying to rebuild what we had but he feels bitter and he is open to solving the issue but he’s been angry with me for three months straight and now he’s just empty how do I get back what we had I don’t want to lose him

  94. My husband just told me he fell out of love with me a while. I’m so hurt that he didn’t respect me enough to tell me earlier as maybe we could have worked on things. It is so hard to look at someone who no longer loves you. He told me that i am dull and boring. I’m working on getting my daughter who has autism and tourettes into a school and I didn’t need this bombshell as well. Thanks for your website.

  95. We got into an argument because I got jealous of how much time he spent with his brother. I told him to get his stuff and move out, he did with no hesitation. A day later I regretted it so bad. Now 4 months later I have felt so heartbroken because he has not chosen to come back and work on our relationship. I have done everything I can think of to get him back. I even wrote him a letter about how much I love him and don’t want us to end our relationship. He hasn’t replied to my messages except once, to say he doesn’t love me anymore. I have backed off completely, I do feel desperate because I’m practically begging him to come back but I felt I needed to try fight for the person I love so much. Wish I could make him see how much I love him . Maybe it’s time to completely let go!! Wish things were so different but I can’t make him want to be with me 💔

  96. Hello ladies!
    My boyfriend and i broked up 4 days ago
    We lived together, 4 years of realtionship and abothe year living together!
    He had always cheated on me and i always forgave him. Before we moved in together i had broke up with him for cheating he begged me he was going to change and for us to move in togethe try something new so we did.
    Ofcourse with all the things he had done to me i was insecure i was jealous, and that would bother him.
    But we lived together and he still flirted with other girls
    Anyways he told me about 2 months ago that he wasnt sure what he wanted that he didnt know if he loved me, but i ignored it i told hin we could work it out do new things get out of the routine we were in. And now just 4 days ago he said it again this time he said he wasnt asking for time and space that he was taking it :’/ i found out later that night that he was talking to this girl. In devasted i feel sad heartbroken
    I moved in back with my parents and i cant help but want him to look for me to say that he was wrong and that he did love me but i dont know whatsgoing through his mind 🙁
    I feel so sad im falling in depression im not going to talk to him because i just cant do that.
    But i still hope he realizes he had everything with me..

  97. I’m so grateful for coming across this reading today. I’m really hurt and shocked.
    Me and my bf we were almost 2 years together. The thing about our realatioship is that he is 7 years younger than me and he is thill in high school while I’m 24 and I’m about to graduate from university.
    He was so mature though. He knew how to make me smile, laugh and I never felt that there were a 7 year gap between us.
    But even though he was tender, gentle and so so romantic I was horrible to him. It wasn’t always. There were good times between us but there were also a lot of arguing that we’re mostly coming form me. I did so many awful things to him. I never cheated on him or though another guy but I did something bad : i took his love for granted. I kept hurting me with my words and actions and then I would apologize without really changing my attitude.
    This summer we had another big argument and he told me that he couldn’t take it anymore. He wanted me but it was too much pressure on him.
    I begged him.
    I cried and asked for another chance and even though he struggled and said he doesn’t believe me he did gave it to me.
    And I messed it up again.
    I will never know if that was the end of our relationship. He became friends with a girl his age and they started talking a lot. I found it suspicious that he would welcome a stranger -up until now- so freely into his life. It reminded me of how her we got close when me first met.
    So the jealously started. I didn’t trust that she was just a friend. And we fought. And the me make up again.
    Then it was for me to live the city. I had passed the exams and I was done with university. It was time for me to go to the next stage d my 24 years old life. While he stayed there to stud for finals so he can go to a university.
    We decided to try a distance relationship.
    The first few days were fine. But then I noticed that he wouldn’t call me as much as he used to. He was spending time with that girl and we started fighting again over her.
    We kept making up but eventually he had enough.
    Two days ago we fought because he decide to go on the school’s trip just because that girl was going. I wanted to be supportive. He was reading non stop and he needed that 5 days break. But I couldn’t. All i could think about was that he was going with her somewhere while I was just waiting for him.
    We fought and he said to break up. He couldn’t take all this drama anymore. He had to study and he needed his head clear.
    Again I didn’t really believed him. I just shouted. And then I called him and shouted again. Until I realised what I had done and asked for the 10th time for another chance.
    But he didn’t want to give it. He just wanted to be friends because as a girlfriend i was too pushy and too selfish. I turned down that offer. We hang up and I spend the night crying.
    When the morning came and I was still crying I realized that he was right. I didn’t deserve that chance. I never deserved any chance he gave me.
    So I thought and I admitted to my self for the first time my fault. I called him and was ready to ask him for a new beginning. Not to be together again but to make him fall in love with me again. To fight for his love. To deserve to be by his side.
    But it was too late.
    He said that I took him away too much for granted. He didn’t believe that I could change. He said he could only be my friend. He could only see me as a friend. He loved me but he wasn’t in love with me.
    I tried Calmy to let him know that I wanted to fight for him no matter what. That I could make him fall for me just like I did the first time. But he turned that down.
    He wasn’t giving me any good reason as to why he didn’t want to wait for me. I was waiting for him all this time and yet he wasn’t willing to wait for me to prove my love because I do love him. Even if I was to selfish to show it.
    Eventually he admitted that he was attracted by that girl. He likes her and wanted to explore
    explore that. He couldn’t see me as his girlfriend anymore.
    That was it.
    I knew then that I’ve lost him.
    It was over.
    I didn’t cry this time.
    It felt like it was another person talking to me. The guy that I feel for would never like another girl. He would never do this to me.
    So I wished him all the best. I told him to take care of himself and we hang up.
    That was yesterday.
    Last night I dreamed of him.
    It was like all this never happened and we Weill still together. And when I woke up i cried so much and I’m still crying because i feel so empty without him.
    I sleep remember all of our good memories and i feel lost.
    Will this pain ever go away?
    Will I be able to move on without him and smile again?
    I don’t wish for him to come back to me. I just wish for this pain to go.

  98. My husband of 28 yrs told me, the day after our son’s 27th bday, that he wasn’t sure he wanted to be married anymore. “I love you (the old “you’re the mother of my children” bit), but I don’t know if I’m in love with you anymore. I’m turning 50, and I don’t feel like I’ve done anything, traveled anywhere, and I want to do things, etc.” You know the drill. I told him that he is not the only person that’s every wondered “if this is all there is”, and that I felt that way myself a time or 2, but knew, that to me, our life together was worth it. I got every excuse in the book, and the story/timing changes every time I try to talk to him about it. Around 10 yrs ago, he got sick and almost died (fully recovered). So, now, suddenly, it’s 10 yrs later, and he says he’s felt this way since he got sick. Last time I tried to talk to him about it, it suddenly changed to “I’ve felt this way since about 3 yrs after we got married. I just don’t want to be responsible for anything anymore”. We are still married (he just hasn’t made up his mind what he wants to do), but he is sleeping in the other bedroom “until he figures it out”. I don’t know, at this point, if I’m coming or going. He keeps talking about long term plans (things we need/want to get done around our property), like everything is “normal”, but he still doesn’t know what he wants to do. I’ve always been the one with the stable job/insurance throughout the marriage (he’s changed jobs 7-8 times, longest at one job was a little over 10 yrs), and 4 yrs ago, I cashed in my retirement to pay off bills, so that he could pursue his dream of running his own business. It’s been tight, and I’ve managed, but it’s getting a little tougher for me to keep carrying everything all on my own. He says it’s not about money, but it’s kind of ironic that all of his “issues” started when his business started to really take off this year, to the point where he could really start to contribute to the household. Almost like he got offended (that’s MY money mentality) when I initially asked him to help pay some bills.

  99. Just so everything belongs. I needed to read this. I’m so glad to have came across this reading this morning. I’m struggling. Was with this person going on 3 years. We took a break for about 3 months, and made it work and a year back into it he shuts down. He said he needs his space. Here he is 2 failed marriages, 1 affair, and countless sleeping buddies. I tried. I tried to make it work. He said it was due to me being silent and giving cold shoulder. I accepted him and his flaws and when nobody was there for him I was. I was that person with the flashlight saying follow me it’ll all be okay. This is my repayment. Yesterday I stopped in to get some of my belongings and I asked a simple how do you feel and his response was short ” I already said what I had to say” which is the “I need space”. I couldn’t help but to feel left in the dark. How could the person I been with that promised me this time was different that now suddenly he needs space. So heartbroken as I am I asked do you love me? He said I never said anything I didn’t mean. I said are you in love with me. His response in which I’ve heard before. ” I don’t know If I am, if I can push as i’m pushing I don’t know if I’m in love with you” The first time was a stinger. This time no doubt it hurts, however why did I know this would happen again. I’m at a lost. I am tired. I don’t have the will to fight for him anymore. Yet I love him, and I would choose him and his children over all any given day.

  100. A crazy case of miscommunication and no communication. I have made every mistake in the book trying to get him to communicate with me the last 4 weeks. He has been radio silent and when we ran into each other at a bar this past weekend he said he didn’t love me anymore, when prior to the 4 weeks he told me everyday how much he loved me. I don’t get it…but I have stopped trying to communicate with him. Very confused and hurt!

  101. Dear Jess,

    Thank you for being here, and sharing what you’re going through in your relationship with this man. It sounds like you and he have been through a lot together, and you keep breaking up with him.

    You say that you’re lost and confused…yet you keep breaking up with him. Something tells me that you actually do know what you should do, but you’re hesitant to do it. Maybe you’re scared you’ll never find anyone like him, or maybe it’s just too hard to start over.

    There are no guarantees in love, in life, or in anything. Love is always a risk, and relationships are always difficult. But even when they’re difficult, there is always an underlying sense that more likely than not you’re meant to be together. And, people don’t change very much. So, I wouldn’t expect your boyfriend to be able to give you anything more than he already has.

    If your boyfriend – and this relationship – never changes, would you be happy to stay in it? That is what you must answer for yourself. If you don’t think there’s any hope for a different or better relationship with him, then maybe staying isn’t your best option.

    What do you think?

  102. I read this and thank you so much. Just so. Everything belongs. I have been with this man for a year I lost my virginity to him at the ripe old age of 28 I saw it as special I guess he didn’t. It took him 4 months to admit we were dating since we were long distance and saw each other once a month despite talking and texting every day so suffice to say he has commitment issues. He’s been cheated on before and went to therapy with that ex to save their relationship but it didn’t work out. On top of it he’s from a dysfunctional family. I went out o my way for him and after fhe 9 month mark started calling him boyfriend he seemed fine with it. Yet at the 1 year mark he tells me he wants to slow down he’s not ready for the expectations and he’s in not in love with me it takes him a really long time vs. me who said it after 7 months. I put in a lot of effort and he told me he doesn’t like that because he feels I hold it against him when he doesn’t put in any effort. Yet he brings up marriage, children with me.. I am breaking all the rules for this man dating someone my family wouldn’t accept but he doesn’t seem to understand that instead focuses on that I’m controlling and trying to dig claws into him that he has female friends he has the right to hang out with who were in his life before me. Mind you these female friends were once romantic interests that didn’t pan out and 1 still likes him. I trust him but hearing him say he wasn’t in love yet pierced me. He took intimacy off the table saying the sex was making me possessive and let’s focus on getting to know one another better. We are trying with better communication but I don’t even know if we’ll make it until autumn. I backed off to put distance but it’s like we’re back to normal before that entire fight but now I’m the one with doubts. Why waste my time with someone like this? I feel like he doesn’t want to let me go because he knows he won’t find someone better and he also knows once we break up I won’t speak or talk to him again, which he says is unfair. But that is who I am. I’ve tried breaking up with him 3 different times prior and he begs me to stay not begs because he is too proud to beg but “I’m still here if you change your mind. Please change your mind.” I’m lost and confused I love him but why stay what gurantee do I have he will love me one day?

  103. My boyfriend broke up with me tonight. I’m absolutely devastated. We came back from a holiday with his family a few days ago and then today he broke it off. All he could say was that he’s so so sorry but he just doesn’t love me. He cares deeply for me but the love isn’t there.
    I could do nothing but cry and he was acting like nothing was happening, chatting about life in general, cracking jokes – it was all so strange. He stayed a while looking at me with pity in his eyes then said he should go as he could stay for hours but nothing would change.
    Before he left he hugged me and I cried and cried for ages just holding onto him like some pathetic child. He started to become a little upset too which is not like him. Once that happened he backed off and made his excuses to leave. He seemed in no rush to go and we chatted about how strange it all felt because he usually says he’ll see me soon – and clearly that isn’t going to happen again. I even waved him off as he drove away and it seemed so surreal.

    I don’t know what to do or how to handle it. I have no real friends and am not close to my family so it’s going to be hard to get through alone. I went through a divorce last year for which I received no support and maybe I’m not done processing that either.
    I’m not usually an emotional person but I’ve felt so broken these last few weeks as I knew this breakup was on the cards.
    I’ll be so lonely without him. My ex husband was my best friend so my boyfriend was kind of a replacement for that – someone to spend time with and do exciting things with. I’ve never been able to show affection before but for the first time I’ve been able to do this with my boyfriend. But a lot of the time I felt like I was begging for the crumbs of his affection which is a horrible feeling.

    In a way I’m glad he had the guts to end it but I don’t think he gave us a proper chance to get going.

  104. My boyfriend and I were together for 6 years. We never cheated on each other or did something so tragic to the relationship. We were just disrespectful to each other, expecting too much from one another. So we went on a breal which lasted 3 weeks (not enough) and got back and it was great like were in love all over again. Only to find out it was just me who fell in love with him all over again. 3 weeks later he tells me “i love you but i am not in love with you.” So i am leaving for some time. For a month or so amd giving him time to figure himself out. I just hope he will realize were good together!

  105. Laurie your article on: “10 Ways to Cope When He Says He Doesn’t Love You” — as you embraced how to cope when you have to end a relationship because he didn’t fall in love with you, were greats steps to keep me from falling down …so Thank you for walking with me, as I venture my purpose of the path God has me on! Thank you for letting God use you to help other souls like me, to never feel like we have to heal by ourselves!

    You are an inspiration to my heart and soul!


  106. I am going through a very bad stage now. In summary my boyfriend of seven years cheated on me with his ex and many other girls. Due to the problems between us. He is now going through depression. And he keeps hurting me. Yes we broke up long ago, he wanted to it. But we still talk. I really cannot let go of him, its seven years of memories and i love him so much. I am so lost. I am still praying for him to come back.

  107. I just broke up with my boyfriend of almost two years. We have had a rocky relationship from the start, though I refused to see it until now. He was my first boyfriend; I was 35 when we met. His one and only previous relationship was 15 years prior and she cheated on him. He has always had a hard time talking about his feelings, but he has told me he loved me, saw me in his future, had me meet his family, etc. I believed him. A month ago I asked him how he felt about us and he claimed up. He said he didn’t know how he felt, which stunned me. I had been pushing him to go to therapy for a while (job dissatisfaction, anger, childhood family issues) and he finally agreed to go. We decided to take a break and reevaluate at some point. Well, he had therapy yesterday and I called him. He said he has a long haul ahead of him and said he wants me to meet someone new. I was shocked, asked him if he loved me. He said, “I don’t know.” I asked him why he said all those things before about loving me and he said he thought at the time that was the right thing to say. He said he wants me to move on, wants me to be happy because it could be a year before he is ready to be in a relationship and isn’t even sure he’ll want to be with me then. I felt so hurt, sent him an email because I want closure. How do you get over someone that may have never loved you in the first place?

  108. The more I process what happened to me and my situation, the more I believe that my husband had a covert narcissistic personality disorder. He discarded me when things were going really well, when I was feeling stronger. I had made a decision to not react to his hurtful comments. I would just stay calm and not be out of control. When this shift occurred within me it seemed like he was less attracted to me. He didn’t get the sense of control over me that he had enjoyed in the past. I can’t say for sure with happening in your situation. However, I do think that you deserve somebody that will love you fully and passionately, someone who will not discard you the way he has. He clearly does not deserve someone like you.

  109. We’ve been together over 7 years, we just got our first real home. He is finally doing what he’s always wanted to do, I’m finally happy with my path. I thought we were great, moving forward together. He calls me out of the blue, after I had just gotten done literally jumping out of a plane saying he’s having a panic attack and then says” I don’t feel the same type of love for you that I’ve felt for other women in my past. I love you but how do I know there isn’t someone else out there for me”. He says hes feeling more and more attracted to other women and can’t stop imagining what his life could be with someone else. I’m an admittedly jealous person, I can’t sanely handle an open relationship. He says I’m the nicest most loving person he knows, that he feels so bad about hurting someone “so nice”, that Ive done nothing wrong. Freaking tired of hearing the word nice. Why. Why wait for 7 years, make me feel safe, happy, excited about our future. Why throw our beautiful life together away because there’s no magic8ball saying Im the one and you want to sleep around? Why does this appear to happen more to women than men? How can I still love and want to be with someone who has said these things to me? And how do you all find the strength to begin a life again when you really don’t want to

    1. Hey. Seven years for me too. He got back into contact with his ex and told her that he lost his love for me. And she told me. It was so heartbreaking. He is going through depression now and i am trying my best to be there for him. But i still forgave him and i am trying and hoping he will come back.

  110. I was dating him for 7 months. We had fun together and spent a lot of time together. We went away on trips we planned future trips. He told me that I should love you by now and I do not. He said I feel love from you even though I never said to him I loved him I do. When we started dating he was 2 months divorced after 26 years. He beggged his ex wife to stay. He broke it off and talking to another person already. I broken completely. Any advice

    1. I’m going through something similar. He broke up with me a few hours ago and I’m devastated. He said he cares a lot for me but he just doesn’t love me. If we carried it on for ten more years the same issue would keep cropping up – he’s so sorry but it has to end.
      I don’t know what to do or say but know that you’re not alone. I hope you have found a way of dealing with your heartbreak in the couple of weeks since you posted your story.

  111. Amanda de Jager

    We got married when I was sixteen and he 20. It is now 35 years later. We had our ups and down but I thought we are happy. It is many years now that my husband verbally abuse me, showing no respect towards me. Do what he wants, when he wants. Never considering me at all. He said he doesn’t love me anymore, but I should not leave. He says it is my duty to gain back his love. The harder I try the more abusive he gets. Now he is telling me how I am a bad person etc… I am tired, but I have nowhere to go, no job, no family, nothing. Our children just got married and started their own lives in different countries. I don’t want to be a burden on them, it would be selfish and unfair to them. I feel trapped, I don’t understand because as far as I know I tried my best to be a good wife to him. He makes me feel unworthy.

    1. Hey Amanda,

      I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been going through. It’s hard not to take on what a verbally abusive person says. But try not to. What really helped for me it to write out a list of things that I wanted to believe. I copied the list every morning (things like: I am beautiful, I deserve intimacy, I don’t tolerate emotional abuse, People love to pay me money for what I most love to do, I trust trust worthy people etc.) There was about 100 things. After I wrote them out, I would say them into the mirror directly into my own eyes. Then I burned the pieces of paper in a mason jar. It didn’t take long but I started to believe those things. Not the things that my husband was saying. I also started to talk to people. Reach out to people, positive people who you trust and open up. People are happy to help you. Remember, that you deserve love and support. You can get through this. Again, I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through this right now.

  112. I am going through a difficult time with my husband so this is why I am here to read and try to understand and cope..
    I need all the help and advice I can get.


  113. We dated 1 year and 3 months. Its long distance.
    He drive and I took the train. I was there three times. He came here 5 times

    He said it was not healthy because we could not see each other everyday. We talked eveyday 4 times a day and texed eveyday.
    I would not drive.

    The month of April he said it would not work and for me not to come for a weeks vacation.

    His car had been causing him between 700 to 800 dollars a month in repair. He was no longer getting overtime at work.

    He barely had food. Help what happened. By the way he also had a stroke 6 years before I met him

  114. My husband has said he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. For the past two months he has been emotionally and verbally abusive to me, undermining me and criticizing me. It seems he is doing everything he can to push me away. I asked him what he is doing this for. That’s when he said he wants to end the relationship. He said he’s never been happy. I’m trying to make sense of things. We’ve been together for 12 years. My mind goes all over the place. Is he using drugs? Does he not want children? His friend died of a fentinol overdose 1 year ago. He has issues with his father and mother. He doesn’t express his feelings. I think he’s bottling it all up and its piling up. He is going through a lot personally. He said that he didn’t think he would 37 and broke. His business is struggling. It’s nothing I don’t feel we can handle. We have so much. Good friends, a good place to live. We’ve been throughout a lot together. We’ve had dreams together and I believe we’ve been happy. We were doing couples therapy and things were getting better. It’s always been a challenging relationship, but we’ve worked through things and gotten stronger. His friends and family say he needs therapy. I think that would probably help. But he’s not interested in that. He says he just wants to start over with someone new. It hurts so much. But maybe he is right. We will be better off apart. I think he is maybe choosing drugs over his relationships because the relationship with his brother has also deteriorated. Or has he met someone else? I feel so frustrated that he won’t tell me why he wants to end it. It feels so unfair. I’ve given him 12 years of my life. The least he could do it tell me why. I have no choice but to move on. I am lucky because I have many options for places to stay. I have a job I love and many wonderful people in my life. I have a good therapist and am taking good care of myself. I am working out, eating well and not drinking or using drugs. Maybe letting it go will bring it back somehow, if it’s really love. Thanks for your post Blossom. Love to everyone going though this. xx

  115. I’m going through it just now. Last night, he said he doesn’t love me at all even though our relationship is already 3 years; nearly 4 years. Last month we were not like this. We were happy. He always check on me, sending me pictures of him, and I sending pictures of me. He always say “beautiful” when he sees the picture of me that I sent. Last week, he’s so clingy. Even if he’s tired of work he would try to spend his little hours of break time from work to be with me. Even if he’s tired he demands to be with me. He complimented me and made me feel like I’m the most beautiful woman for him and that he loves me more than anything else. But then when Tuesday came, everything changed. Last Tuesday, I got sick. I told him that but he just responded: “I’m tired.” He didn’t show concern of my health. I was demanding for his attention (because I was also going through PMS that time, so I was too dramatic and clingy). Until Thursday, he never showed concern. He only greeted me “morning” and would message me that “he’s out from work”. Nothing special. Nothing sweet. Then last night, I tried to tease him that maybe he never loved me anyway. His tone became serious and he said that he’s not happy anymore and that he realized maybe he never loved me in that 3 years of relationship. I cried and asked him if I’m not enough or if there’s something lacking in me. Am I ugly? Am I replaceable? Is there anything that I didn’t do? Are all my actions for showing my love not enough? …. his answer was just “”You’re not the problem. It’s me. I’m a jerk. Sorry if I hurt you.” …………………….Even if he told me that, the pain is still too much for me to bear. This is not the first time he told me this. I think it’s already the 6th time that this happened. In those last 5 times that he did this, he’s the one who asks for forgiveness because he said he realized that he can’t let go of me, that he loves me…… But this time, he seemed too serious to broke up with me because he’s not happy and that he never have loved me at all. Even if he told me that last night, we never mentioned to end the relationship. But should I end the relationship? Should I let go of him? Should I break up with him? I love him so much that I don’t know what to do. Why is he like that.? 🙁 please help me. What should I do?

  116. I was with my ex for 10 years. Since i was 14 and he was 16. I am now 26 and he is 28. We broke up a year ago. Its been really hard especially cause he is with someone else now. I dont know when our relationship got out of hand. I recognize that i prob did many mistakes which lead to the break up but so did he. I feel that i wanted to try to fix our situation but he was too immature to do so. Then he dragged me along to detach himself from me slowly while persuing this girl he is with. And then when i found out about her and confronted him about it BOOM thats it. He hasnt called once to even ask me how i am doing. I went through a hard time i started drinking a lot and being depressed. I called him couple times crying and asking him for help and he would always say he couldnt help me. Then one day he told me he couldn’t help me because he has a girlfriend now. And i feel bad. I feel that he has left me high and dry. Ive told him many times that what hurts me is him not being there for me anymore just cause we are not a couple anymore that i thought we were friends as well especially for dating for 10 years. I feel alone and many times after the break up he has made it very clear not with words but with actions that he does not care what happens to me anymore and that he isnt going to be there anymore even tho he says we are still friends. Sometimes i just sit in my room and feel desperate to just talk to him or just feel really sad and the only person i feel will make me feel better is him but he wont be there . So i just sit there feel a deep heart ache pain and just wait for it to pass. Sometimes i feel that im going crazy but i just have to be strong and ride the roller coaster. And just hope that one day i dont feel like this anymore. I told him i wouod always be there for him but its sad its not a mutual feeling.

  117. I feel like sometimes because my relationship was only 8 months, the pain shouldn’t be this harsh- but I did love him and we did have a great relationship. He was sweet, caring, smart, reliable, mature and everything I wanted in a partner. There was one problem- he wasn’t too fond of the way we met (on Instagram) so that was how it all started. That was our setback anytime we faced a difficult situation. He’s 24 and I’m a couple of months older than him but I somehow feel he was much more mature than I am. He started by saying he couldn’t bring me around his family because of the way we met- he wasn’t proud of it. He lied to his friends about how we met and I just didn’t get it. Sure, it wasn’t an ideal way to meet someone, but we both agreed that didn’t determine the kind of relationship we had. He really seemed to love me, told me how I was everything he ever wanted, asked me if I loved him, always wanted my attention, would get mad if I had to leave his place at night (he would sneak me in because he had a the back room/garage) I would just go, all the time, anytime I could, I would bend backwards just to make him happy. I just thought it was the first time I was loving someone – so why not go hard? I thought he was into it too until we got in a minor argument about him moving out with his friend & his friends gf. I just wasn’t comfortable with that especially because I didn’t really know them. I realized that it wasn’t the situation itself but the way he wasn’t welcoming me in his life, like he welcomed everyone else. He’s such a friendly and caring guy, he has many friends and a big family- and he loved them but he hardly brought me around. I felt like it was a double life- for the both of us. I just thought that if things kept going great, it was something we would get over. I broke up with him shortly after he told me about him moving out- I was just over feeling like a secret. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do but I knew putting myself first was more important. I felt like I was settling for his love and I wanted someone to love me just the way I loved them. 2 days later he texted me and wanted to talk, we didn’t meet up until 1-2 weeks later at a park. He basically said he missed me and although he knew deep down in his heart and gut, we weren’t meant to be together, he still wants to do things with me, wants to be there for me, wants to be friends but I just can’t do that. A part of me feels horrible- it feels like I’m being selfish about my love but it just pains me too much to only be friends with someone I actually saw a future with. It was painful enough to break up with him but he twisted that dagger in my heart when he said he realized we weren’t meant to be together. He said he wasn’t “broken” and he was trying to make me feel better when we met up, he kept saying I’ll be okay with time, but honestly- that just made me feel even worse. It made me feel like I wasn’t enough for him to love me just as hard back. And what I’m having the hardest time with is trying to understand why he would say things making it seem like he really loved me, yet his actions and words at the end were totally different. I just don’t know anymore. I almost feel numb to this pain. My head hurts from crying, I can’t sleep or eat, it sucks because I thought we had a great relationship yet nobody understand me because nobody really knew him. I just felt like it was all a lie. I just feel inadequate and hurt. I just don’t get it.

    1. Angie, I feel your pain. Unrequited love is one of the worst things you can experience, and it’s not easy to cope when he says he’s not in love with you. In some ways it’s worse than a bereavement as there’s no real closure. Moreover, it makes you question everything you had together. It sounds like he cared for you but just didn’t see the relationship going where you did, and it’s going to hurt like heck for a while. Whilst it’s hard to see now, one day you’ll realise he wasn’t right for you. Not because of how he was when you were together, but how he didn’t include you fully in his life. You were both treading a different path, but one day you’ll find someone that will walk the road together with you

  118. I was in a happy relationship and what I ddnt knw.was that my boyfriend had secrets n he never told me that he got his ex girlfriend pregnant.when he told me the baby was already’s really hurts me but because I loved him i forgave him.I was also pregnant by that time but he told me that I should get n abortion because he can not look after two babies.yes I went and dd the abortion.after 3 days he started to change a lot sending messages on social media telling people that he doesn’t love me and never did.I was really hurt.then one day him n his baby momma called me and told me that what was happening between us is over he want to be with his baby momma…I was really heartbroken because I loved him a lot..even wished of taking my life.

  119. I am 30 years old. My boyfriend of 2 years got me pregnant. We worked together, both as managers. Once I hit the second trimester I made the announcement to our work that I was pregnant. Everyone seemed happy. Except 2 weeks later I got let go. I moved in with my boyfriend and had to get another job where I was paid a lot less. During my 7th month of pregnancy I was in and out of the hospital having early contractions. It turned out that I had a large fibroid that was growing with the pregnancy. I was labeled high risk. I was up all night every night with bad contractions. My family lives 2 hours away. They picked me up so I could stay with them a few days and my boyfriend could get some rest. While I was at my parents house he text messages me and tells me he no longer loves me. His life is not improving with me in it and he needs to grow. He called off our baby shower and kicked me out of his house, and I have to learn how to cope when my boyfriend says he’s not in love with me.
    I had to quit the job I just got and move 2 hours away to be closer to my family. I am now 8 months pregnant and have no job. Since he has kicked me out I have not seen him. It’s been a month and he has asked about his daughter once. I could handle being told I’m no longer loved. But to be pregnant with this cold human beings child and have him not care about her hurts. I want to feel better about myself but it’s not like I can get in great shape and put on a good outfit and go out. I am big bellied and about to be a single mom to an infant, with no income. Hoping it gets better.

    1. I met my fiance 12 years ago when i was just 16 years old. We fell in love hard right away. He proposed 2 years later and after 3 years together I gave birth to our first daughter. A little over 3 years after that I had our second daughter. We’ve had our ups and downs of course but never anything major and never split up once. I found out in Septemeber of last year we were going to welcome our 3rd child into our family. Over the last 6 months or so our relationship has gotten even stronger than before. We celebrated our 12th anniversary. He had to work the day of most of the day so we didn’t get to go out or even spend much time together. Less than a week after our anniversary i saw his phone lying on our bedroom floor halfway under our bed so I picked it up for him(he was asleep after working a graveyard shift the night before). It was already unlocked and so when I turned it over I couldn’t believe my eyes. I was of course so hurt and confused since he has never cheated or mistreated me in any way ever but I also knew he was exhausted from work so I calmly set the phone down next to him and quietly left the room.
      How do I cope when he says he’s not in love with me anymore?This man has never so much as hurt my feelings and all of a sudden it seemed he had no emotions left where I was concerned. We co-existed in a civilized manner for a few more days. I finally 2 days after that got him to open up and admit he had been speaking to a woman on the other side of the country and they’re plans were for him to open a bank account for her to deposit $1000 in it so he could fly across the country to be with her. I sat there shell-shocked. He then proceeded to tell me he was no longer happy in our relationship that he loves me but he’s not “in love” with me anymore and he hasn t been for nearly 2 years now and he feels he has to be alone right now. He broke it off with me just yesterday and I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the split. I’m so hurt and confused about it all. How did I not see this coming and why didn’t he give me any warning? Sometimes while doing the same things I do in our house everyday I look out the corner of my eye and catch him smiling and staring at me. I hold out just a tiny bit of hope that he at least misses me and maybe even wants me back but at the same time he broke my heart into so many pieces I’m not sure I can ever try with him again.

  120. My husband of 10 years told me a few months ago he had divorce papers drawn up, he stopped that but tells me he doesn’t know if he is in love with me anymore. We have had our fair share of struggles: a failed business, 4 kids in 5 years, financial stress and insurmountable debt, an affair (him), tax issues, and my husband is/was being sued. Needless to say the stress that I have been under hasn’t made me the best wife and I sure haven’t acted like I love my husband. But I stopped being a stay at home mom and went out and got an amazing job to help with the bills and before I knew it I had me back. I just don’t know how to deal with the fact that he says he is here working on things but doesn’t know if he loves me. There are few I love yous from him, he doesn’t involve me in his life, password protected his phone and every time we talk he is negative and is constantly bring up past mistakes. I want to save this marriage but right now I am struggling.

  121. My husband of 21 years (been together for 26) sent me an email telling me. Here is the email he sent me on Thanksgiving day.

    Ok, here’s what I’m thinking. I think that our relationship has been wrong from the start. I think I was an impetuous 17 year old who knew nothing. I think I told myself that I loved you because you were the first person who EVER showed any interest in me. Then, when I thought it was my fault you got kicked out, I had to save you. I have certainly learned to love you over the years, but I don’t believe it’s the right kind of love for a man should have for his wife. That’s incredibly unfair to you, and to me. You deserve way better than that, but I just know I can’t do it. I’m not even sure if I actually even know what it is. I have been distancing myself from you thinking it might make telling you this easier somehow. It hasn’t. Not even a little. So, I just have to do it. I’m so sorry I have deceived you (and myself) for so many years. I don’t know if I will ever be able to forgive myself for that. I know that I have lost the best years of my life, but I have also stolen the best years of yours. I’m certain I won’t ever forgive myself for that. I have, on some level, known this for a very long time. I truly believe that you have been suspicious of it for a long time too. I believe that is why it was so logical for you to have suspected me of being unfaithful to you so many times. I want you to know that in 26 years, I was never unfaithful to you. I also want you to know that I think you have been just about the best wife someone could ask for. This is not your fault. You could have done nothing to prevent it, except maybe to have not believed me in the beginning, which obviously you shouldn’t have. Please don’t feel any shame or guilt. This was all me. I did this. I don’t think it’s right for either of us to live the rest of our lives this way. I can’t begin to know how painful this will be for you. It’s very painful for me too. I want you to know that I would and will do anything I can to help you both through this and after it. I don’t know how I possibly can, but I will. I know I have left the house in a state of disaster, but as soon as I can, I will get it fixed and cleared out. I will leave almost everything for you. The house, the car, the money. I deserve none of it. I know none of that really matters to you, but it does to me. I have no idea what I’m going to do or where I will stay, but it won’t be with any of my family. I will not say anything to anyone for a while, especially Brenda. I want you to have a chance to try to come to terms with it before having to face anyone with it. As far as anyone will know, it’s life as usual. I will have to pick up some tools so I can finish the deck job, but I will always check with you first. Again, I’m so incredibly sorry. I truly hope that someday you will let me call you my friend.

    1. Marcy, I am in tears, because it feels so similar to mine, except, mine did cheat with someone at work and has been for a while. My heart hurts for you, we are in divorce right now. I never knew he was unhappy. And if he was, I thought we both have our days so I didn’t question it, not to mention my sister lived with us and her 3 kids…we built a house….so she could live with us….I am so torn up by no self confidence, and the fact our 23 year daughter is on board with her dad and tells me all the time…HE IS NEVER COMING BACK TO YOU..she just doesn’t understand. How can someone you have been married to for over 18 years together for 26 just decide my fate and his too, REALLY…..I felt as though he waited for daughter to graduate college and so on…..

  122. My husband and I were together for 13 yrs, had 2 amazing kids together.. The kids and I were in a horrific car accident, I suffered a lot of injuries and struggled with my anger and pain. I lost my career, my lifestyle and my husband lost his job 2 days later… I became very angry and depressed started to blame him so I left him and took the kids. We separated for 2 years, I thought I was over him. We still did things as a family but I wasn’t in love with him anymore. Then about 2 years ago I suffered a knee injury and I seeked counselling to help with my depression, while there I learned I never stopped loving my husband and I begged for him to come back to me. He did and thing were great for the first 8 months but then slowly things began to erode over the past 6 months, I was over worked and trying to save money for us to get into a house together, he stopped coming over and going to his friends more then 2 months ago after he met an older woman (8 yrs older than him, 11 yrs older than me)who he says is just a friend who he met at the bar while I worked but then he comes out and tells me he loves me but not in love with me anymore. This is the same man who has followed me and chased me for 18 yrs and wanted us back together more than anything than he says it’s over. I’m absolutely devastated, I thought I was over him only to learn I’ve never stopped and now he’s done. He says give him time, we can try again down the road.. And just be friends for now. I can’t do this, I deserve not to be chosen second place… I was his love forever only now at age 40 he’s done? She’s almost 50 but he smiles when he sees her and just gives me sad eyes when he see me. I’m the mother of his kids, not a pair of socks to be discarded. I’m so hurt and sad… I struggle with my fears and why did he chose her over me? But then he calls me early in the mornings, texts randomly throughout the day and stops by for stupid reasons. I have to let him go and move on, it just hurts so much to do it.

  123. im goin through this right now.. 😔 i wont deny, i contributed into this.. i didnt fully trust him bec of our past situation.. ( he broken up weeks before we got together, caught a txt in his cel calling him “love” that girl is our batchmate, caught a gift saying i love u,) etc.. within that 2 years of our relationship its was mostly arguements fighting, and he said i was just too untrusting and jealous, though i knew i have basis on my jealousy, i always come after him and fix our relationship.. i used bad words to express my anger towards him whenever he says that it was just me untrusting.. i vant take that anymore and i said more bad words just to express anger.. but he gave up..
    it feels, he didnt love me that much.. he gave up just becos of me saying those things .. my emotions.. when i didnt gave up on him.. i dont know how to accept that he ddnt love me as much as i did bec i gave my all for him .. now hes ignoring or making no efforts at all.. it feels he dont miss me.. or even my kids (yes i am separated and hes single) .. hes totally ignoring me.. why is that? to punish me and teach me a lesson? or he really dont love me?

  124. Hi Laurie!
    First i thank u for your writings, it really strikes me down to my core. I have’nt tell anyone yet about our break up, i have no idea how to tell about it.
    I dont know how to start, but Marco and i met in Paris over 3 yrs ago and started dating since then, 4 weeks ago he told me that we can just be friends and that we cannot be together…in the beginning of our relationship he promised me ” jo, you are safe”. I believe him and let my heart fall for him.its almost a year when i decided to tell him that i love him I love him, he just hold me and never say a word. Whenever i tell him i love u and even my tx msgs, he never answer me about how feel. I ignore it for 2 yrs and we still continue to see each other. Every year we travel abroad to relax and spend more time to each other outside everyday routine and work and holidays seem all find and wonderful. We just went to greece 4 weeks ago. When i asked him if we can spend christmas this year ( as i always asked him every year in 3 yrs) he rejected me again. I have already been rejected 4 times asking him to spend christmas with me. I told him that we have been dating for over 3 yrs, he have met my daughter too after 2 yrs dating and think its time to take out relationship one step up. Then he told me its better if we can just be friends and that we cannot be together. I felt crushed, after investing a lot of time , emotionally and socially to him only to hear that. It made me feel unworthy, that i wasnt good enough for him. I know he was being honest and open to me , its just that it is so hard to accept it like that..
    But as i have read from your writings, im just gonna feel the pain and feel the grief of letting him go, i just dont know how to start. I still havent told my sister, my daughter nor my friends about it. I dont know if i have the courage to tell it, another failure again.
    Thank you so much.

    Kind regards,

  125. My boyfriend and I recently gotten engaged. We have never had a disagreement or anything. We where happy planning our wedding and future. Until an ex of his posted of social media about when he would spend the night at her house. I text him and told him I felt that was very disrespectful to me. He replied and said I can’t do this anymore. You haven’t done anything wrong. But based on my past. I can’t continue our relationship. I said ok you can get your ring back and we will part ways. He refuses to get his ring or even see or talk to me again. I’m so hurt and confused. We where crimes for many years before we ever dated. Our parents where best friends. We have so much history. I just honestly don’t know how to put this in the past. Although I have no choice and didn’t have a say in it.

  126. Hey,
    Thanks for your share. Your writing is so great. I’ve been through some sort of thing right now. But I accepted the fact and leave him some space until he knows what he wants. Though I worried he has feeling for another girl, but I can’t say anything cause our foundation is not strong yet, I hurt him before and he did it, too.

    But girl, we are deserved love and be loved with dignity. Love shouldn’t be begging or controlling, cause it will not last anyway by those ways. So I accepted the truth, I love him and I want to share this beautiful life with him, it’s not I need him to survive. So I’m seeking for the same thing from him, not by force, but volunteering. 🙂

    Wish all of our lady knows the best for us. As always. Cest la vie!

  127. I have recently just split with my boyfriend after 8 very rocky months. After a previous relationship of 4 years with a very possessive jealous boy I finally broke free of that relationship and met my recent ex whilst out enjoying the freedom of party life. I was so happy enjoying my freedom and having fun when I finally found someone who I believed cared about me, not just using me like all the other lads for sex!
    So we continued on our party lifestyle and slowly began to settle down got more comfortable with each other and he asked if I was his girlfriend. He had only just split with his ex of 8 years which obviously hit him hard hence the party.

    He used to say how happy he was compared to his ex and how I made him so happy, then suddenly one night somebody kicked his door down and 3 men ran up to the bedroom with a knife, wanting his car and money. It was so scary and I still stood by him that night even if there were nasty people after him, I told him I will always be there and he seemed so appreciative of it. Anyway, he gave the notice in the house so no one would come back, and came to my parents to live.
    We went away together and hid in hotels hoping that it would all pass.

    We became so close and enjoyed spending time with each other until I found out I was pregnant. We had been together 3 months and I was devasted, I cried for days on end not knowing what I wanted I was only 21. He left me after finding out I was going to keep it and after a long hard 2 months later he came back and said he would make it work but by then I had decided to go through with an abortion. I faced endless phone calls calling me a heartless jerk and that I was trying to play god with his life.
    During this time I couldn’t understand what I was supposed to do, when I got a text from my best friend saying she had slept with him.

    I was heartbroken, I was pregnant with his child and my best friend who I had visited that night for her birthday had slept with him. I gave her a card and presents saying “thanks for being such a good friend” if only I knew how much those words would haunt me.

    Although I took him back for the sake of the pregnancy, at the first scan I came out and just broke down I cried saying I don’t want it anymore.

    I had the abortion, the worst day of my life. Later on that evening I was resting when he knocked on the door and asked to come in. It was unusual, and I said no I was so angry, but there were 3 men behind him, he told me he was getting robbed again. As I let him into the house he ran up to my bedroom told me to ring the police and lock the doors, I had the men trying to get in the door and he jumped over into next doors garden.
    My neighbour came round when the men left and told me to come round as my boyfriend was there. I went round there when he asked to go pick up his car and went to see if they had broken into his house.

    Cut a long story short he suffered a great loss that day and called it karma for me having a termination. He changed from that day onwards, and he was also in contact with his ex everyday. As the months went on he didn’t make any effort to see me, he would come in at 1am after not talking to me all day, or just see me when he was hungry. The fire had gone from our relationship along with all the drama.

    I was so alone and had left my job with depression, I didn’t speak to anyone and just waited for him to come home and see me every day. I didn’t leave the house for months afterwards and cried nearly everyday.

    I tried to pick myself up, and not get upset when he left as soon as he woke up, or didn’t call me when he stayed at his mates, or didn’t ring me unless he wanted something. He started getting really bad on drugs and police were getting involved with him. I tried to be there for him to pick him up but I was just so annoyed I wanted him to be happy and make effort with me.

    He told me he didn’t know what he wanted, that he needed to work on himself, but he didn’t want to break up with me.
    I kept fighting for our relationship letting him walk all over me because we had been together through all this crap I wanted it to be worth it!!

    He broke up with me last week and told me it wasn’t going to work anymore that it was unfair on me that he wasn’t making the effort. I was so upset I had been through all the trouble for nothing. But I left him alone and he rung me later that night telling me he was drunk and wanted to see me that he missed me.

    Half of me wanted everything to go back to the way it was, and half of me knew I deserved better. I met him and took him home when he rang me in the morning and said I don’t know why I did that. I was tearing myself apart every single day fighting a losing battle, he said he still wanted to see me just not be in a relationship.

    I accepted and we went to lunch and I asked if he would see me again the next day but he didn’t call, he didn’t text. I text him a few days later saying I can’t do this anymore, i wasn’t going to contact him any more.

    I’ve started to go out with more friends now and enjoy my life, I’ve got a new job and realised that I always deserved better than how I got treated. He wrote to me yesterday saying he doesn’t love me or fancy me and i never got love from him because he never loved me.

    In fact it didn’t even hurt anymore and that’s the sad part. I’ve been hurt and let down so much it was a relief to actually be told the truth. I cannot wait to find someone who loves me for who i am. Now I realise it’s not so bad having a slightly possessive boyfriend it means he loves you and my ex ex really did tell me that everyday. I regret that break up so much. I was only scared to break up with him because I didn’t want to be alone!

    Be strong and never let anyone treat you badly. You don’t deserve it and no matter how bad it hurts at the time you will get over it!

  128. My heart is breaking reading each and every story. My story begins as me being in a loveless marriage for 22 years. I had nowhere to go if I left him and no way to support myself. Leaving him would have been a bit easier but I had my daughter the best that came out of the marriage. Well 4 years ago we bought a Camaro this became my happiness. This car gave me confidence it filled the void of love I wasn’t receiving. I joined a car club met amazing people, made new friendships and met the most amazing, handsome, intriguing man I had ever met. There was an instant connection. We would text, call and meet up. In my heart I knew this was my soulmate. Two years into this friendship/relationship it was time to end my marriage so I can have a future with this man. I know this is wrong but my husband and I were living separate lives he would go on vacations and even had an account on so it was time I had my security. I filed for the divorce and my soulmate was there for me through every twist and turn assuring me it’s gonna be ok, remember the prize in the end that he & I will be together. Well a year into this nasty divorce has taken its toll on my mate and add that I had to take cake of my mom with dementia from Fri – Sun to give my brother a break cut into the time I had dedicated to my mate. About a month ago he was acting standoffish truly not himself. I asked what’s wrong he couldn’t answer. I enlisted the help of the only other woman that has his heart his mom. She reassured me it’s just a dark time for him with the divorce and all he’ll snap out of it. Just go about how you normally do with him. I did everyday text of I love you, calls of how his day is then I stopped receiving texts and no calls. About 2 weeks ago he said we can talk after work if I wanted too. I could feel the distance in his voice, I could feel the grip of his hand letting go… he said “I don’t know what’s going on it’s not you it’s me” I know what those words meant but I didn’t wanna hear them not from the man you made me believe that I can be loved. I asked “what can we do? We can work this out we can’t just walk away from 3 1/2 yrs. What about us where do we go?” His reply was so cold and so hard…”We go our superstar ways” my heart just split, my head clouded with a fog, every memory of he and I flashed before me, I literally wanted to wake up from this nightmare. I said wow I didn’t see that coming and I apologized for him not being happy. He said good bye, I said good bye and that was the lady I heard from him. A week later I sent an email so my side could be heard, I just wanted answers as to why this happened, why he couldn’t fulfill his promise to be with me to the end… I received no reply. A week later in desperation I spoke with his mom who was going to talk to him and let me know. did I tell you his family loves or loved me? She spoke with him she called back and apologized saying it is over he’s not in love with you anymore he said it happened about 4 months ago and he tried to get it back but he doesn’t love you like he did in the beginning and he can’t do it anymore. Mind you 4 months ago was when I started taking care of my mom on the weekends cuing into his time. I have no regrets now of taking care of my mom it was the right thing to do. At first I was so angry that I had taken care of her and that was the demise of my relationship but then I thought I would do it for him if it were his mom or I would hope he would do it for his parents if ever in the situation. Well his mom had asked was it that, me taking care of my mom and he swore by no means it was that. She asked was it another woman.. no he said (I believe it is, it’s someone who can be with him all the time unlike me until this divorce is finalized) So as I ramble and try to make sense of this failed relationship. I still feel numb, I’ve tried the 10 steps and I’m hoping after all of this and him having his space that he will miss me, will miss what we had and ask to come back. A girl can dream can’t she? I know this was lengthy and I hope you hung in until the end because I just want someone to tell me it’s gonna be ok!!!

    1. Hey Cindi, it’s going to be ok. I’ve been listening to the audio book “Attached.” By Amire Levine and Rachel S F Heller. It’s really helping me to understand why my marriage ended. The authors explain the three different attachment styles: anxious, avoidant and secure. I think my husband and I have very different attachment styles. I want closeness, in fact I need it. While he makes every effort to distance himself from me. The closer we get the more distance he needs to create. It creates a clash that never seems to be resolved. The authors suggest finding someone with a secure attachment style if you have an anxious attachment style. They say it will be like night and day. Secure people really want closeness too, so there isn’t always the distancing that’s manufactured by the avoidant. It’s been useful to understand the dynamics. Unfortunately anxious and avoidant types are often attracted to each other. It seems though once you’re aware of it you can really notice the “smoking guns” and “red flags” going forward. So you don’t have to make the same mistake of falling in love with someone who doesn’t want closeness. Anyway, I hope this helps. You sound like a kind person. Wishing you love and luck!

      1. Thank you Sandy Bay. I’m going to pick that book up. I’m gonna be ok. I will find love again I’m staying very positive!!!

  129. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. I believe we had a nice relationship, almost perfect, not that much fights. Those times I demand from him is because he’s somehow lacking initiative for us to date, or see each other. But after that we make up and be happy. And then it happens again after a month or so.. It’s been tiring but I don’t want to let go because i think we’re perfect for each other. He’s a nice guy and all, but the problem with him is he has many issues that he doesn’t want to talk with me. I didn’t sense that something is up until one day he told me that he doesn’t know why he still stays – is it because he still loves me or is it because he’s already comfortable with me. And that generally he feels nothing. In all aspects of life. And that he’s bored with his life and that he wants some change. That hurt a lot. My world turned upside down. It wasn’t fair. I bargained with him, what do you want to do? Do you need space? He told me he doesn’t know what he want anymore, he just wants to be happy. And we’ve been trying but he’s not the same anymore, he doesn’t say i love you anymore even if I do. It hurt so much. Whenever we’re together the physical connection is still there, I asked him why are you still holding my hand, etc? He said he was used to doing that. Ouch. So it went on with stress and pain until I decided to meet him 2 days ago. He wasn’t himself anymore. The touch and kiss didn’t feel the same. He was empty. And then he told me he wants to save it but he wants to fix himself first. He told me he’s been feeling this way a long time ago. I felt betrayed..why didn’t he tell me before? He says he doesn’t know if he still wants to fix us, because he generally doesn’t know what to do with his life. The next day I told him I’m giving him 2 weeks to have his space and clear his mind. It’s been 2 days and I am torn. What is happening to him? Our friends and families couldn’t believe him. Now i’m torn if I will still hold on to him or let him go definitely. He’s a pessismistic person and he always says that he’s worthless to anyone and that I deserve someone better. Please help.

    1. Hi Kim,
      I know your situation was a few months ago but I am going through the same exact thing right now. He didn’t tell me all of these things until he was breaking up with me. I asked him to give it a week or so to really sit and think if this is what he wanted. Right now, I am just waiting. I don’t want to be hopeful, we’ve been together for over 4 years and have had some ups and downs in the past. How did yours end up working out? Please share

    2. Kim,
      I have had my heart pulverized by a man that in my heart knew was THE ONE. Every action, word, emotion he displayed was HE WAS IN LOVE….even according to the experts out there and things I read. He checked off every single box!! ❤️

      He pursued me, he told me first that he was in love with me, he/we were planning our future. Then he became distant. I felt the shift but at the time his business was imploding and several other life challenges were also in play. He then said he needed space to get a grip on things. I have him all the space he needed. No neediness… calling or texting. Next thing I know I receive a “Dear John” letter in the mail! Basically he tells me although he told me he loved me he was not. He told me after lots of prayer he decided he still loved his ex and his soul hadn’t been right since leaving her. They share 2 kids that she has played a part in alienating from him which is the main reason he is doing this. His ex is toxic on all levels and has even been anusive including physical when they were together. So why would he leave for that nightmare life? He can’t handle what’s going on in his life, especially as a man and now feels he can’t provide the life he thinks I deserve. So this is familiar.. less work. He doesn’t feel worthy of love. Failure .

      So much more to write but bottom line I now face life without him. It will be difficult for him to break free of her again and damage will be done to him as a man. There is nothing I can do. His letter to me was cold, absent of feeling… cruel. He unfriended me on FB etc. I went from 100% to 0% with him overnight.

      YOU have to protect yourself from heartbreak. YOU can’t change him or make things right for him to want to be with you. These are HIS issues. Love can’t be forced. YOU need to tell him although you love him YOU deserve better. Tell him you also feel it’s best to have some time and space. Then walk away . I ❤️You! DO NOT contact him or initiate any!!! He needs to miss you! If you keep contacting etc he can’t miss you and the key point here is that by doing so 1) Your word will mean nothing 2) You reward his bad behavior

      I have had no contact for a couple weeks and I refuse to cave. I have to grieve the unexpected and sudden loss of this man in my life and it is by far the hardest thing I will face yet in my life. But here’s the thing .. if he does not take this time to figure things out and fix who he needs to be, we would never work. Also this is the “flaw” that we all know exists in men we date or love. I can’t and will not risk my happiness with a man that can do what he just did to me. He then is capable of repeating it 10 years down the road.

      I read recently which has stuck with me, THE WAY A GF or BF BREAKS UP, IS A KEY TO WHO THEY REALLY ARE! Wow… that’s huge. So love yourself and grant the space. Stay busy, organize your life… do things for yourself. You have to lean back do he can fill the space by leaning in. Stay strong.

  130. I constantly get blamed for everyone’s problems, my ex husband and I broke up 8 years ago, we went though a lot he had a rare illness, I took care of him, his family was anything but helpful. The whole situation was awful for everyone. He dumped me and moved on with in weeks. He’s now remarried and I contacted him to tell him about our shared 14 year old dog having to o be put down.He immediatley brought up every wrong thing I’d ever said or did, blamed the whole demise of the marriage on me. I ruined everything, the business, etc. I kept telling him we all made mistakes him me, his family friends. It’s not solely my fault. All he did was attack me and brought up crap that happened 10 years ago. I never fought with him in court about anything, I actually walked away with very little. I moved away and started over as it was hard watching him move on so quick and has said I was just running from my problems and everyone knows it’s my fault. How can someone that says they are happy and moved on still harbour such hate for me. I thought after all this time we could have a conversation see how each other doing in life. I’m hurt and it sounds like he’s still sitting around bashing me.

  131. I’ve been searching for different ways to cope when your boyfriend says he doesn’t love you anymore. Last night my boyfriend of 9 months broke up with me. Our senior year of high school just passed and I was aware of his intentions to go to a University in Florida. He never thought we could make long distance work, and I honestly didn’t think we could either. That’s partially why I found a community college in the same area to go to for my Associates and then I could transfer to a University from there. We drove down to Florida separately with each of our parents just this past week, he arrived a day before I did. For awhile before this point, give or take a month or two, I felt unappreciated by him. I started to miss him telling me how beautiful or important I was to him and words of affirmation is the biggest thing that makes me feel loved.

    After being there a few days he was concerned for me because I was having a hard time signing up for classes at my college– a mix up with my ACT scores getting in to them on time. He wanted me to come visit him at his campus to “discuss my situation” as he put it. He asked me several questions such as “do you truly like it here” “do you see yourself staying here” “your intention coming down here was to get an education”. I became frustrated with his questions and asked why he even cared because I felt like he hasn’t truly cared about me for awhile. This conversation somehow led to me asking him if he still wanted to be with me, and when he didn’t reply I knew the answer. I felt the blood drain from my face, I felt the pain all at once and I became angry with him. I asked frantic questions like “how long” “why didn’t you say something sooner” and he said that he didn’t know how he felt until now, that he walked into this conversation not knowing what he wanted.

    At this point in our relationship neither of us had ever mustered up the courage to say I love you. When I asked if he ever loved me he said he loves me he’s just not in love with me. I didn’t understand. I had told him that one of the reasons I wanted to move here, where I didn’t have friends or family was because I wanted to learn to be independent. He said that his feelings were like my wanting to be independent, he didn’t want to have just one relationship in his life. Part of me believes that he just wants to have that college experience and be free to do what he wants and that one day we could have a potential again, but another part of me feels like I just pushed him away by not telling him how I felt more.

  132. My boyfriend has just split up with me. He was the one person in my life that meant more to me than anything, i loved and still love him with all my heart. He told me he does love me but just as a friend. I cant be angry with him because he has done nothing wrong. We were together for 2 and a half years and its been the best time of my whole life. I don’t want to be here any more i wish i was gone and that my life was over. The though of never being able to see him, speak to him and cuddle him again is unbearable. i don’t see how it is ever going to get any better. Id do anything to have him back. all i keep thinking about is all the good things we have done and used to do. I know i will never meet anyone like him again and even in the future if i did meet anyone else (like everyone keeps telling me i will) they wont be like him. I don’t know what to do i know it sounds stupid but it feels like someone has died but the even worse part is that i know where he is and what hes doing and know that he is going to meet someone else. I cant get over this i just want him back. I don’t have many friends and don’t have a close family. Before i met him i was always so unhappy all my life i have been unhappy and then when i met him everything changed and now hes gone. I cant be here any more. Only the other day we were still talking about moving in together having a baby getting married, we had booked tickets for somewhere next month i just don’t know what to do i love him so much and always will with all my heart i just want him back. everything i see, touch look at reminds me of him and i don’t know what to do, i asked him if he feels like that and he said no little things sometimes reminds him of me but he will just have to get over it. someone told me that this is because he doesn’t love me like that any more and that’s why he finds it easier. Every hour of every day goes so slow. i used to go to work and count down the hours of the day to either see him or to get to the weekend to see him and now what do i have counting down the hours of a weekday to what an empty weekend. i don’t want to join a club or go out i just want him back. i cant carry on without him i love him with all my heart.

    1. I know you feel broken right now, but trust me, you will be okay. As time goes on the hurt will fade, and you will have new adventures and nice times. You can’t make one person your everything, no one should have to bare that burden, because sometimes relationships don’t work out, and that is okay. They don’t need to, as life will go on, you will be fine and you will find another.

    2. I feel the same way you do. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, and our only problem is my depression. He feels like it’s dragging him down, and that I’m not the same person he fell in love with. This has happened to me before, and I feel hopeless. He is everything I ever wanted, and now he says he doesn’t love me anymore. I don’t know what to do. Depression is bad enough, and now I’m losing the most important person in my life.

  133. Oh God, I have been reading all this heart broken stories. I am going threw the same. I am 55 and I left him, even if I still in love with him. It’s been 3 months already and yes when he calls me i go to him hoping for him to tell me it’s his fault and apologize to me. I left because of of his 40 year old niece. 10 years with him and his niece would move in and out and would come back. He would except her back 3 times. She would party with guy friends and I couldn’t handle it no more, my x that I hate to say x would party with her and guy friends. When I moved out he didn’t stop me. But his niece wouldn’t move out. I was hoping he would tell her to move out and enough is enough. A month later she moved. Then he wanted me to go back. But I been thinking to give it time. He would still call me to stay and I would sometimes. Now he is telling me to look for someone else and I don’t want anyone but him. I love him so much and I told him I don’t want anyone else but him. So he said he was going to start looking for a new woman. And it is killing me. All I wanted is for him to apologize and love me and want me. I can’t help it sometimes that I am still crying to him and begging for him. I am a faithful woman and he knows that. When I call him he is with his friends talking to me on phone and he answers me ugly in front of his friends. And they start laughing, and he tells me joking ugly things. It’s hurting me so much. He is my 4th man in my life. My 3rd past away.,and found out later he had cheated on me. Just like the other 2. This one is 59-year-old and not that I know if he has cheated. I love him. I wish he could see and miss me. Why why doesn’t he want me anymore?

    1. He doesnt want you bc you dont want you! You’ve made this man who didn’t give a f++k about you moving out- more important than yourself. I see it, he sees it and baby girl… its not pretty. this sounds harsh but i have to say it; Youve turned him off, that’s why he says he’s sot in love with you anymore.

      How to get him back? Fall in love with yourself. Make eye contact and practice smiling at men in the stores, this is a good way to get in touch with your inner woman and see that you are desirable to all men you choose to show warmth to.. youre beautiful and radiant! shine, eat healthy, work out, buy yourself things to help you stay healthy, stay off booze and drugs. genuinely become happy with you and put yourself first. Dont pretend to be too busy to answer the phone, get busy doing something to not care and when you do get a call focus on yourself and be warm but firm in yourself to what you deserve-express your self with I feel statements. find your terms and stick to them.

      That’s how to cope and what to do when he says he’s not in love with you anymore!

  134. hi ive been with my husband for 12 years married for the moment he is going through a hard time with his emotions..he has been put on citalapram because his emotions towards everything an everyone have gone..he says he doesn’t feel love anymore and doesnt care about i stay with him to see how things go or do i tell him to leave for a bit..he says he doesnt want to go because he really wants to work out whats happening.

  135. Shae,

    Thank you for being here, and for being so honest about what you’re going through! You are a brave woman, and I respect your courage.

    I wrote this article for you:

    Advice giving isn’t what I do, but you might find a few ideas in that post. I think the most important thing when your boyfriend says he’s not in love with you is to believe him. And move on.

    Wishing you good health and love!

  136. Why does everything seem to be geared towards women? A guy doesn’t love a girl. A guy wants to break up and the girl is heart broken. Sometimes it’s the woman who doesn’t want the guy. I dated a guy who from the beginning I told him he was just a rebound. Not looking for any relationship. He took that to mean I wanted a relationship. He believes he loves me although I have told him repeatedly I don’t love him. I told him I want nothing to do with him anymore and now I have a stalker on my hands who harasses me on a daily basis with 200 texts a day. Men can be just as bad as women. Breaking up isn’t just a woman’s problem. Men sometimes are worse about it all than women ever will be.

  137. Hi my my name is Shae and I’m currently pregnant with my boyfriend of two years child. It’s both our first child and we we’re so excited he told me he wanted to marry me before and after we found out we were pregnant. He just recently went back to prison and I’m 21 weeks pregnant. We were fighting alot at the beginning and I was saying some harsh things as well as him to one another. He stopped calling me and at first u would hangup on him because be would yell at me and accuse me of things I wasn’t doing. And he would say babe don’t hang up on me etc. And would constantly call back so I would answer because I love him so much. Now he’s been calling me only like once a month maybe a little more and just recently told me he isn’t in love with me anymore and was saying some other harsh things to me. It hurt so bad I couldn’t stop crying. We ran out of time he then called back. He said he’s writing other girls and idk what to do or what’s going on through his head. We’ve been through this before and I know he loves me and I really want to believe he’s still in love with me but at this point I’m confused and I don’t know what to do. We’re about to have a child and I want to he a family like we said we were gonna be. I need some advice please before I go insane more then I already am

  138. I was recently broke up with, and was told “I love you but I am not in love with you.” When I asked why he told me he didn’t know, but that he didn’t feel the same anymore. He wasn’t happy. This broke me into a million pieces. I felt like he was distancing himself from me for the past couple of months and I would just shrug it off because i didn’t want to get hurt with the truth.

    We had a rocky start to our relationship. Four years ago I was with someone else, and I met my current ex while I was with my former ex. I lied to him over and over again, and he cut off all contact with me. I finally said goodbye to my former ex and was living life, I always missed my current ex and was hoping he would call me one day. Which he did, he called me June 2013. I was so excited and I felt so happy that he came back in my life.We had a rocky start, it took about 6 months for us to start dating because he didn’t trust me at first, I had to prove it to him that I could be trusted.

    He left to go over seas in 2014, and it was hard but we got through it. I felt like he was very in love with me, and we would talk everyday. I was very faithful, and I really tried making the relationship better. However, when he got back we had a lot of fights. He really likes to go out and I do to but I am a very jealous person. I would get so upset with him if he looked at other girls. He would always ask me, “why don’t you trust me?” I never could figure it out why I didn’t. I’m not sure if it’s because I never forgave myself for hurting him in the past.

    However, he did hangout with girls I did not like and I was very jealous of this. He would hangout with them without me knowing because he knew I didn’t like them. I would see group pictures of them on instagram and tagged posts on facebook. I would confront him and he would get so mad at me for caring about it. We got into some really horrible fights over my jealousy, he would tell me to stop but I couldn’t.

    Over the past summer I accused him of dancing with someone else. He wasn’t – I just felt like he was too close to her. That night was horrible. He told me once our lease is up that he would move out and he can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust him. This night I pushed him away… He didn’t come home for two days and when he did come home finally, I just begged for it to work, that I would change. He said okay.

    I would still get jealous at times and we would still fight.

    Just recently I accused him of bringing his phone everywhere with him and he got mad and said I don’t trust him. When I got home from work, he sat me down and said he is no longer in love with me but hes loves and cares for me. I am so broken inside – I thought I was going to marry him. I brought him on ALL my family trips and I cared for him so much. I have tried calling him and he won’t work it out with me, he said he’s done and that I am only hurting myself.

    I went over to the apartment one day early, he kept telling me I shouldn’t be there, that I need to go home. I went through his phone when he was in the other room – first time I have ever actually went through his phone. He had texted a girl over the summer in August, a month after our big fight and he must of met her at a bar. He asked her “did you make it home okay?” and they flirted back and forth. His final text was “be safe and goodnight beautiful”. I have never felt so broken in my life. Was this woman intuition?! I mean… did I mess up this bad or did I know this would happen? I just am so lost for words… I love him with every fiber in my body. I have never loved like this before, and it’s such a fear to know I have lost it and it won’t come back.

    We have one more month up on the lease, he still lives there but I moved back home because I couldn’t live there and see our memories. How do I move on? How do I stop loving him? Will I ever be okay again? I think he did love me… but I just ruined everything. I am so sad… I want these feelings to be over.

    1. Somehow I had the same problem,I used to get so jealous n insecure when I used to see him with girls now he said me he dnt love me,and left me all alone,I never imagined my life in his absentism and now I’m all alone,I dnt knw what I’m gonna do further,I’m going through depression,as he blocked me in fb and blocked me from his Mbl number and he don’t respond my text ,,,,,I dnt believe how a person who was in serious relationship could move this easily with next girl

    2. I had been with my boyfriend for 10yrs living together. We had our ups and downs. He has been sober for 3urs.I had been with him through allFor a year now we have been living like room friend not lovers.Recently we had applied for a loan for a house, we qualified. Then 2 weeks later he says that he wants to leave and move out, He says that he thought things would change if we bought a house, but he said it wouldn’t. He said he loves me but not in love with me he is unhappy. I am a prograsinater,and I have know goals.and did not spend time with him because I let work come first. This just breaks my heart. This has been a month now. a couple of weeks ago I had been working on getting my GED.He came over my house to drop out dog back off and I asked him if he’s seeing some one he says yes he is in a relationship. I told him how much it hurts me and he told me it hurts him just as much. and he thinks about it wondering if he is doing e right thing. He said to me another time after that I should not worry about what he’s doing and focus on my self.I would never do things for myself like peticures,buy myself something or go out.I don’t know how to get this out of my mind. I still want to do my GED.I had wrote him a letter a couple weeks ago asking him tf he would consider rebuilding a relationship
      I ask him if he would let me know if he would give me a answer about thinking about it. But not right away if he would. I have received no answer. He said he has read it.and it’s under Neath the seat of his truck.It is I seen it when I had borrowed his truck.Please help me

  139. i met him in freshman year..and we instantly clicked. we dated for a year and of course we had our ups and downs as any normal relationship does. We were honestly in love with each other.. his parents absolutely hated me because him and i had sex with each other. Anyways, these people are terrible. they initially criticized me for my weight hen they first met me. ever since the beginning they were rooting against us. and this took a bit of a toll on our relationship. then we had a huge falling out between us which was horribly painful for the both of us.. we were broken up for 6 months before he contacted me again, saying that he still loves me and is not over me. so we gave it another shot, but kept our relationship a secret from his parent. because if they knew it would NOT turn out well. we were very cute and romantic and i was started to actually fall in love with him again. Then he called it off, because he was too scared of it all, and especially afraid of his parents. I was absolutely heartbroken, and it hurt both of us again. A couple months later, he messaged me saying that he was stupid for ever letting me go, and now he wants to be with me because im worth it and he made me feel like a princess.. so i took him back.. and quickly fell in love with him all over again. We both started to fall hard for each other all over again. he even kept expressing how much he liked me and he even said that he was absolutely terrified of losing me. then about a month and a half ago, his parents found out that we were seeing each other, and reacted terribly, as expected. they even went as far as to search his entire phone, and break up with me over text AS their son. This broke my heart, but then at school he came up to me and said that he wanted to make our relationship work and that he was terrified. things were very foggy for the next three weeks as we tried to continue the relationship. it is probably worth mentioning at this point that he has serious self esteem, anxiety, and depression issues that i had been helping him out with for a while now. Thus, he tends to emotionally shut down when he gets too stressed, pressured, anxious, or depressed. This is not uncommon in many depressive people. Anyways, one day, he just came out and told me that he didn’t love me anymore. We then had a serious of fights that ended up with us not talking to each other. i still love him to death and would do anything to be with him, and im hoping that deep down he still loves me. with everything that has ever happened between us he must love me… anyways, it has been two and a half weeks and i still feel incredibly heartbroken, and when we see each other in the halls he acts like a stranger, looks the other way, stares blankly ahead, and tenses up. please help me… any serious advice? i love him so much.

  140. Dear Gampi,

    I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s painful and difficult to hear someone you love say those words to you. It’s heartbreaking, and nobody can fix this problem.

    Your boyfriend isn’t treating you with love or kindness. He says he’s not in live with you anymore, and he doesn’t see a future with you. Your boyfriend is using you for short-term pleasure, but he won’t be around in the future.

    How can you start making some small plans to rebuild your life without him? If you start breaking free and learning how to live without his love, you will gain strength and happiness.

    Take one step today towards freedom and joy. Start thinking about recreating your life without him. I know it’s difficult and painful, but it really is the best thing for you!

    Cling to God. Ask Him for strength, power, and faith to let go of your boyfriend.

  141. My boyfriend n i had 3 years relationship.. At first he said that he will love me forever n he can’t live without me.. we were in deeply love.. But after all of the sudden He said that he don’t love me anymore apparently he says that he hates me so much that he don’t want to hear my voice… Apparently He is out of state for his further studies.. He started to say every bad things he has ever used… he make fun of me n my tears. .. he says he don’t want me for future.. But i don’t wanted to loose him because i love him so much.. So told him to stay… yes he didn’t deny to stay.. we r in relationship now but everytime he reminds me that we will never be together in future… I miss him i miss his love.. plz help me.. every time i think of giving up he shows up with a love word.. im confused.. Help me

  142. That’s a good question – what do you do when he says I’m not in love with you anymore? If anyone has any advice for serena williams, please share!


  144. Dear Tina,

    You did the right thing! I’m sorry that you broke up with him….wait a minute, I’m not sorry. You broke up with him because you didn’t trust him and you knew he wasn’t right for you.

    I’m sorry you’re feeling the pain, but you made the right decision. You’re grieving your loss, and that’s normal and healthy. It’s painful, but it really is a good thing to go through right now. You are healing, and you will stop thinking about him all day long.

    What makes you feel better? You have the key to knowing what to do….he may have said “I’m not in love with you anymore”, but that was one moment in time. How can you support and love yourself, and help yourself heal?

  145. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend because I felt empty, I didn’t trust in him. The relationship had became monotonous and we had many problems. We keep talking, but I acted as I was still in the relationship (e.g. jealous). He got mad about it and we didn’t talk about a month. When we saw again, we kissed and we had sex after that. He said me he did not want a relationship. He wanted to focus in his studies and work. I moved to another country to study. But we continued talking (and not precisely as friends). Even we were talking about we may meet again in Christmas vacation (when I return) and have sex. But I wrote him one day, that I did not want to have sex with him because I was not sure about some things. For example, he has lied to me in this time and I’m not even his girlfriend again. Also, although he told he’s not with anyone, I’m not sure about this because some things that happened. Then he said me I should take some time because I’m confusing the things again. I agree with that, but I feel bad because he told he said me as a friend. That hurts me, I thought he felts something. I feel like he courted me and then he said “I don’t love you”. I feel angry because I was better before we saw again. And now it’s like I’ve stepped back and he is ok. Also, I think he is with another girl that is more attractive and intelligent than me. I am studying, I’m in another country, but I still thinking in him all day. I know I’m bad, that he doesn’t love I could not do anything. That maybe it’s because I feel lonely here. That I should move, but it hurts a lot. At least, I have been strong enough to not contact him in a week, but it has been so hard.

  146. Thank you for being here, and sharing your experience. You are definitely not alone, and your courage is commendable. Not everyone can share how it feels when someone they care about say they’re not in love anymore.

    Who were you before you started a relationship with this man? Think back to your passions, goals, and interests. What were you planning to do in your life, and where did you want to go? Sometimes we need to get back to where we were, before we can figure out where we want to go in life.

  147. My husband doesn’t love me anymore. We’ve been together for 2 years and next month will be our 1 year wedding anniversary. Everything was amazing in the beginning. He made me feel like I was on top of the world. Then a situation with his ex wife happened. No cheating just hiding. I was hurt by this and from there our relationship started to fall. I asked him not to contact her again and he said he wouldn’t as they have no kids together. About 4 months I quit my job because the stress was too much for me to handle. I told my husband that I would find another one and I did 2 weeks later. Then I found out he called his ex wife and told her he was miserable with me. Because I had quit my job. Now he is saying that I’m smothering him and told my step mom that he doesn’t care about me anymore and that he doesn’t love me.. He did love me but then I changed. I don’t feel like I’m the one who changed. I don’t hide things from him, I’m faithful, I’m giving, i work hard. I appreciate what he does. I just don’t know how to get back to how we were. We were a power couple. Nothing could stop us and now it’s just a big mess. Help me please! I love this man so much.

  148. Hey so it’s been three days since we have broken up haven’t tried talking to him. We were together for 3 years he was there for me when I had medical problems and he was my number one supporter he’s my first and I’m his and I felt like I should’ve have been so hard on him and if I would’ve been more understanding it’s just that I didn’t know how to cope cause I felt he was loosing interest he told me he loves me and to be patient and well I didn’t listen and he’s a year younger and it’s his last year of highschool and I’m in college and I wanted to be part of his senior experience just like he was part of mine on text he told me he loved me that this was too much for him to handle that people were telling him this relationship is too toxic. But I said I’ll fight for him I showed up to his house and he told me he doesn’t love me I couldn’t believe it I was devastated my heart drop I couldn’t breathe I thought I was waking up in a bad nightmare but it had all come to an end if he said he could be friends but how am I supposed to be friends with someone I gave my all too especially when I tell him what I supposed to do when you get a new gf . But everyone tells me hell come back with wrong reasons. Idk what to do anymore please help I still really love him and wish I got offered a second chance to show him I’ve changed and that I’m willing to be more comprehensive and not on him about things so much.

  149. My partner of two years, told me one day he didn’t love me anymore. We were engaged, I had a few job interviews lined up were he lived, since we had talking about me moving in with him, and the commute from my current job to his place was too far. We had talked about me moving there, but I couldn’t just leave, I had to plan it out. Three months passed and then out of the blue he said we needed to have a serious conversation. Where he said he didn’t love me and it was over, and he wasn’t willing to work on the relationship because he had enough on his plate with college and being transgender and in transition male to female. I miss him terribly, and I still love him, he left an open dialogue between us on the grounds that I don’t try to get us back together. He doesn’t love me, he doesn’t love me, he doesn’t love me, I just can’t get it through my head, or I don’t want to believe that he didn’t love me those two years.

  150. hey..plx help me….i have been in relation with a guy for 7 years….we got engaged one year back….suddenly certain issues started happening like my family was dissatified with his house that it was very small…secondly the guy is dong M phill currently…i pressured him to get married as soon as he is done with studies but he was worried about the job his home and all the issues…i was so mch pressured that i misbehaved with him,cursed him badly,bad mouth his family but i only said becox i was in extreme anger i didnt mean that…he broke up with me n went silent and he is silent since 3 months ….first two months i called him appologized but he didnt respond and than i gave him no contact for 25 days and messaged him but he is silent….though he writes watsapp status on me like he shows his anger in that…the problem is i want him back at any cost i love him i m really miserable without him…i beg u please helpppppppp meeeee what to do how to make him come back soon 🙁 🙁 🙁

  151. @megs – You and I are kinda in the same boat. When he told me I was sooo shocked! Couldn’t believe it, we’ve had minor breakups in the past but this was the first time I knew it was for real. We’re 20 too and all our friends are in the same circle because we both met in highschool. I asked him how much out of 10 does he want this to be over? I said if this is what you want then I respect that.. but it’s everything I could NEVER WANT. He said 5 because he’s just not sure.. He said he loves me and only me but its our fights that are putting him doubt. we went home that night and hadnt really resolved anything. The next day he was normal but still didnt know what he wanted so, I said ok. If it really is just the fighting just give it some time. During this time we are going to work on things, we’re going to both put in more effort and try restore the love we have but have just not shown enough.. its been great so far almost a month, i reassured him saying if it feels forced or fake you can leave at anytime,, im only asking for time to be sure that when we end we both did everything we could to make things work! It might sound crazy to others but it works for us. We’ve been doing it now for almost a month and tbh we are both happy he even said he feels like he could change his mind. Im making small changes in myself to avoid the fights and just to show him that Im still that girl he fell in love with. Hope this helps

  152. Megs--It can't be too late

    My boyfriend of over two years broke up with me yesterday. It was purely one sided. He told me he didn’t know if he loved me anymore, that he felt like he should want to spoil me and he wishes that he did but he just doesn’t have the drive and that he hates that about himself. He hasn’t been single in almost 5 years because we got together really fast after his last relationship ended. He thinks he needs to be an individual for a while and that I do too, because neither of us have been single in university yet. We’re 20, turning 21 shortly. He doesn’t know if this can be fixed. He hasn’t been as happy as he thinks he should be. But he had only been feeling this way for a short while and hadn’t been sure if he should bring it up because he thought maybe it would change. I pushed him to talk about it because I could tell how upset he had been over the last four or five days.

    When we were breaking up, it was so clean. I wasn’t mad at him, I told him that I still love him and that this isn’t what I want but that I understand and just want him to be happy. This all happened yesterday, Tuesday evening. We agreed to meet up on Sunday to discuss it further. After I’d had a few hours to think about it, I called him and told him that I had one more thing to say that I didn’t really think of until I was on my own. We met up again last night and talked and cried for hours. But I told him what I wanted to: that I don’t want this to be the end. What we’ve had is too good for me, and I know that he thinks I’ll be happier in the long run and that this is for the best, but I wanted him to know that he’s always been more than enough for me. I love the person he is with me, not who he thinks he should be. I can understand and respect his need for time, and being single for a while, but I don’t want to give up on this without fighting for him. I love him so much. I have no idea what to do, but I feel like I’ve been ripped from the inside, out. I don’t want this to be the end, I want us to try one more time and to put in the effort because the 85 good times that we have to our one bad time is so worth it for me. I never feel happier and safer than when I’m with him.

    I’ve been very withdrawn from the relationship lately because of school and stress. But my exams are done after today and I was so ready to get back to being the loving and supportive girlfriend that I know I am with him. I feel like I’m dying. I don’t want this. I love him and I will respect whatever he feels he needs to do but I want one more chance! This break up really came out of the blue. I had no idea that he was so unhappy, and he never let on to that except for maybe over the last four or five days. It just seems so sudden and I’m so in love with him and I don’t know how to survive this. I know that I can get over it, I know that it will be so hard, but I know that I can move on. I just don’t WANT to. He is exactly what I want.

    We have all mutual friends, we are each others’ best friend. We’ve agreed we can’t keep being friends– it’s too hard. But I want him back. It’s been just over 12 hours and I’m so sure of the fact that I just want him back.

    Please someone help me? I feel like I’m suffocating. What do I do? Is it hopeless? I am seeing him Sunday but I’m not ready for this to end. I love him. I love him so much.

  153. My boyfriend of two and a half years has just told me he isn’t in love with me anymore, but still loves me so much and always will. He still sees me as his wife one day and the future mother of our kids but says its just too much right now.. I feel completely broken and confused. Its all my fault, I hate that he gets attention from flirty girls and that he watches porn sometimes. Hes lied to me a lot about certain things, and I admit I have had trouble trying to fully trust him. I always have to reassure everything with him eg, have you watched porn? were there any girls? what did you guys talk about.. i know he hates it but i just know if i dont ask he wont tell me because he doesnt want to hurt me.. but it hurts more that he hides it? at the end of the day I love him with all my heart and will try anything to keep this relationship going. I know he still loves me too. Even now he still wants to hang everyday and still tells me he loves me everyday. He still takes me out and buys me things and we are still spoiling each other. We are still affectionate and when we are good we are absolutely amazing. Its just the fighting when i see him completely over it. he throws it all in my face and says he doesnt want me, or love me, he says we’re done etc then the next day he apologizes and tells me he didnt mean it he was just heated. My birthday is three months away and he doesnt want me to celebrate it alone so he said we’ll see how things go until then.. im so happy hes being honest and telling me how he feels and now im fighting more than ever to make him love me again. I just cant help but feel depressed though, i cry all the time because i feel worthless, that the guy im head over heels in love with doesnt feel the same about me? im trying to make changes, im trying to stop being crazy and am trying to prevent stupid fights! No matter how bad we fight when we are good we are wonderful and its worth all the tears. I just dont want to lose him.

  154. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thank you for being here, and sharing your experience. Everyone’s situation is so different, and there are no easy answers for what to do when he says he doesn’t love you anymore.

    May you find healing and peace, love and joy. May you find ways to let him go so you can move on with your life, and find resources for rebuilding your confidence and self-esteem. I pray for wisdom and courage, strength and faith. May you turn to God for wisdom and hope, and may your life turn out even better than you hope for.


  155. I’ve been with my husband for 10years now and all our marriage has been is fights about money,kids,jealousy, and trust. When we argue he tries to leave but I beg him to stay I love him so much but he says he doesn’t love me no more. He calls me so many names that I’m trash, I’m a whore, I’m nothing…and it hurts there’s time I think what if I did leave him would I be happier and healthier or will I make the biggest mistake. What about my kids will they blame me for leaving, or will they be sad or happy idk. My parents divorced to when I was 6yrs old so I know how it is to live with only one parent and it hurts. Please help me I need advise.

  156. hey there,
    me and my ex has been together for almost 2 years. in the first 3 months of our relationship, i messed up a lot. i contacted other guys, went out with other guys and wont listen to him like cheated on him. and everytime he was sad or anything all i could do is ask him for a breakup. but he never let me go he made me stay. in the 4-7 months of our relationship everything was fine until the 8-12 months he started to act weird like i was before. he went out, contacted other girls. and then, i made him stay. then we promised to change but nothing ever change. nothing stays the same. i hide lots of things behind his back and i know he does that too. but our love is too strong to even truly let go. we keep on holding on. we keep on staying together. on and off. but before the official break up. he changed a lot. i was the only one who was in love and holding on too tight that i wont even let go. i love him too much. maybe not him maybe the memories. i dont know i cant tell. he treated me so bad before the break up. it was his fault he has someone else. but i rold him thats okay because i know he only love me. but then everyday he changed his mind and he told me i dont love you anymore. but i cant accept the fact because im so in love with him. and after last night he told me he’s sorry he dont love me. i feel ashamed of myself. my dignity, my worth, my everything. and he was with his friends laughing about me begging him. but i cant hate him. he taught me a lot about life. it is so hard to let him go. please help me to be strong. my familt is worried about me. all i do everyday is lock myself in my room and do nothing. im afraid im gonna get sick or anything. and i try to love myself first but nothing feels right when im not with him. and btw, our relationship was controlling and about jealousy. but we tried to be less controlling but i cant. will he miss my annoyingness and clinginess one day, will he regret his decision? all i want is to feel okay again. please help me.

  157. I expect you won’t have time or the inclination to deal with my recent sadness but if you can spare a second I would be grateful.

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years- we have been in love but more than that – best friends..compatable in so many ways. We are both artists and being creative together was so liberating. But I knew that his shadow side meant that when the going got tough or he needed to change anything on a practical level like find a better job etc he would run away ..usually back to his mothers.

    We have suffered through two miscarriages. The first time he was terrible unsupportive couldn’t cope And ran away..the second he was better. But I felt extremely burnt by my experiences. He continued to make promises ( engaged but no ring appeared/ needed to look for a new job never did etc) but on the positive side we were happy in our bubble as long as nothing serious happened . He started to make comments about liking a child of his own ( I have two from previous relationship also) I was confused by this and wary after our miscarriages but he kept pushing for it so I decided to trust him as things had seemed more settled. I got pregnant. Within about two weeks of him knowing ( I’m now ten weeks) he walked out on me back to his mothers saying he needed space at first then eventually saying he had been trying to be what I wAnted and that it wasent real- that he used to love me but not anymore. In the meantime I had the worst week of my life sick constantly achy scared of miscarriage two kids to organise a dog to walk and guilty thoughts of termination because I felt that he couldn’t possible love could I cope alone! I still haven’t seen him. I feel foolish lost and alone I don’t know what the truth is Anymore. Please help if you can .

  158. My ex and I or together for 2 years we met in high school school everything was good for the first year and then I moved in with him and his parents after a while everything started going downhill he don’t want to touch me do nothing left me anything since his dad died they made him really really sad his Daddy died. For a while everything was OK we went to calforina together to let his dad ash go but when we got back and his mom left and move to gorgia. He started to different he would always go to his his friends house a little every week and he never wore really want to kiss me or do anything in about a month ago everything really went down the hill you want to talk to me you want to do anything He would send me mix signals that he loved me and we can work it out and the day it changed finally he gpot up and left and went to his friends house we didn’t talk for a couple days then he called me a couple days later and asked me to turn his phone on and we’ll work it out and everything and he lied you just want his phone on and then you say you just want to be really close friends and then I did something with somebody I shouldn’t have done I found out you got really mad and call me names he also said that his friend ex gave him the best bj ever what should I do I know he cares for me and then when he wants the truth oyut of me he would say we can work this out and tell me what’s going and then he would jk I’m not going to I’m done you need to move on

  159. i am in confusion and trouble right now. we are having some problem in our relationship. we are now engaged for 6 months. last august 1 we had this problem started. he said that he cant take it anymore. we are living in together with my brother. we are 2 years and 6 months of relationship. we had our ups and downs. but this time is the one that i fear so much. i admit this is my fault because of my attitude and the attitude of my brother. he said he cant take it anymore because we are too much. by the way he is the only child in his family. so he leave in our house and go back to his parents. i tried and tried to fix this. but he just always said repeatedly he needs time, space and that i shud not force him this time. but after 3days of not contacting him. i tried again i beg him, chase him, plead him. but only he always utter those words. i really dont know what to do. now it is very complicated. because i can read that his mother always posting quotes about the pain of his son right now. i know i have done wrong so bad. and i feel so sorry for all of that. and i am just begging for the last chance to change. i know his parents now is very mad at us because they think i hurt their son so much. but i already gave my sorry to them thru text. and we talk last september 5 with my ex. and it seems that we are not having problem. we laugh, we share jokes. but we talked about our situation and he some kinda propose to me what he wants. that he want me to pick up the broken pieces of me. he want to see that i am okay and not always crying. that we shud not force the situation to be okay. i really dont know what to do. i am so depressed and down. because i have no parents to turn to. because both of them are now dead.. what am i gonna do? im afriad that im gonna lose him forever. huhu :'( all i just asked is one more chance for one last time. i can feel that hes happy with or without me. but here i am crying and hoping that he will come back. please help me what to do. how long should i hold on?

  160. Me and my ex bf been together for 9 years. but recently he admitted that he’s falling out of love on me. His reason is we are in a long distance relationship for 2 years. We used to be together before, we met almost everyday. What should i do.? I really love him.

  161. Hey, so my boyfriend of one year has been in love with and good to me for the most part of course we’ve had UPS and downs. Hes really controlling and jealous and I have respected that in knowing how he is but just recently he came over and just started going through all my stuff saying I was hiding something witch I’m not I’m very faithful to him then he came upon this journal I had that I even forgot about in the journal I wrote about my ex while I was with him but I do not miss my ex I was really not thinking straight that day I wrote that. He finds it though and is freaking out to go through it and I didn’t feel comfortable with showing him cus again this is a private journal. Later he gets it and were fighting over it and it got a little violent. Later he goes on and tells me I ruined him and he loves me but will never love me the same and is not in love with me anymore, but he says he can’t leave me but he’s gonna do whatever he wants now so he can heal as in talking to other girls and maybe even cheating and he says if I stick around for all that then he’ll see I really do love him witch I do and I dont think I could be without him either hes all I have but I don’t know if what I did deserves to be treated like this I dont think I should be treated like crap, I know I messed things up but I have always been good to him and faithful I dont know what to do..

  162. Yesterday my boyfriend of almost 10 years came over after a big fight. He explained to me that he has fallen out of love for me. Continued to say that he needs to be a human. Most of our arguments are over little things that really dont matter. We are 2 stubborn headed people that believe we both are right in every situation. We have been through so much and keep getting back together. Over the last few months I’ve just stayed back go with he flow and think I have to stay quiet. I stay toys elf and have tried new things as a family together. We have 3 girls and I don’t ever want them to go through a bad relationship. I know it might happen but I don’t want them to look and mine and say it’s ok. We have good time but again sometimes I feel he is different when his friends and family are around. I just don’t know what to do. He told me this morning that I need to breathe and find a way to make him fall back in love with me. I told him I can’t do anything. If you aren’t in love with me I can’t change that. I said either you love someone or you dont. It won’t make things different. So I guess can people really fall back into love or is it lost hope and move on?

  163. Hello,
    I need some advice. I have been dating this guy for 7 months and it has been a long distance relationship for only one.
    Since I realized he was moving out of town ( in March of this year) I got terribly scared. I have an anxiety problem (recently diagnosed) and I guess that was making me pick up several and ridiculous fights. We had good times together, but we have had horrible nights due to my fears.
    As I mentioned before, he has only moved a month ago and it has been very difficult for us.
    we have had very strong fights and I got a very bad panic attack on April 29th.
    He got very scared about it to the point that he tried to contact people that were in my same town to help me.
    After that week, I started attending more counseling sessions and even taking supplements that could help me control my anxiety problems, but I fear it is too late.
    We saw each other on July 4th weekend and I felt he was different. We hardly kiss or touch and at some point when I asked him if he missed having sex, he only replied, “I guess”
    I didn’t tell him anything that weekend because I thought it was my fear playing tricks on me. However, it wasn’t. Three days after that weekend he called me and said he doesn’t feel passion for me anymore. He said that he started feeling like that after that weekend in which I had a panic attack. He said that he feels that he only loves me as a friend now.
    I asked him if he wanted to break up or not. And he said he wants to wait because maybe is something momentary.
    I feel very sad about it. I have to take responsibility for taking my relationship to this point. It is my fault. I should have search for professional help before and do not let this hurts us.
    What should I do? Does this mean he doesn’t love me anymore? I don’t know if I should let him go since nobody should be in a relationship without passion. Or should I wait and hope with all my heart that can love me as much as I do?

    Thank you in advance

  164. Hullo, my partner of 5 years says he isn’t in love with me anymore. He says he loves and cares about me but is no longer in love-and hasn’t been for two years. He doesn’t know what he wants and if he should stay or go. He cheated 6 months ago with a prostitute and I found the receipt. He begged and pleaded for me to take him back and eventually I did. What should I do?

  165. Dear Becky,

    You are going to heal from this breakup – and it will take time. Healing is a process, not an overnight event. Healing requires courage, nurturing yourself, connecting with people who love you, and focusing on the reasons you are relieved and happy that this relationship is over. Healing is focusing on the things that give you strength, peace, and a sense of connection with something bigger than yourself. Healing is about learning how to stop thinking thoughts that destroy and tear you down, and staying focused on the good, peaceful, true, and right things in your life.

    My prayer for you is that you find a source of strength, courage, wisdom, and peace by connecting with God. May you make the right decisions about when to go and how much time to spend on Facebook, and may you find the discipline to do things that make you feel strong and happy with your life. May you avoid the soul-destroying, peace -shattering activities that make you so unhappy. May you gain strength from the God who loves you so much, and who will protect you from anything you can’t handle. And may you connect with the right people, books, organizations, and websites to help you heal from this relationship breakdown. Amen.


  166. I basically just need someone to tell me that I am going to heal & be okay because at this moment it takes all I have to keep breathing. Its not surviving day to day, its minute to minute. We were together for 2 years. 18 months were amazing. He lived with me & my 4 kids. Then he got custody of his 2 kids and they moved in. We couldnt survive it as hard as I tried. He is always angry & frustrated. I was always walking on eggshells so I didnt say something wrong to make him mad. He threatened every week to take his kids and move out. Finally last Tuesday I had it…told him to quit threatening or just so it! He told me i was forcing his hand & making him decide and so he is leaving. He got an apt for he and his kids. My kids are so happy cuz they hated them all here…not enuf room.
    But now he is just kicking me while im down. Im sad and broken…he said he is happy and relieved & doesnt miss me a bit. I cant even explain what i feel inside because its so bad. I am so in love with him but he became so hard to get a long with :(. I asked him to be moved out by wkend. He still has a garage full. He comes here 3-4 times a day to grab one thing. Im giving him space, not texting or calling or bothering him. He will send me msgs about dumb things. Text me to tell me im pathetic or lame or ugly. Then he goes and changes his facebook profile pic to my 3 yr old daughter. My mind & heart cant handle it. If he doesnt love or miss me I can heal from that eventually maybe. I read these posts & see im not alone in this feeling. At least its been about 24 hrs since he last contacted me…makes us being over more of a reality & i think i need that

  167. we had a silence break-up. we had a big fight after he cheated a couple of times ended up impregnating one of his girls, our bby was only 2 years old by that time, he never said he loves me no more me neither, i find my bags packed the day his new bby was born i took them and moved out, time went by my heart finded a place tp forgive him for all the pain and shame he brought me. problem is, he never say a word to me, as time goes by i missed him, texted him but he never replied, it been 3 years now my heart still loves him deeply.

  168. Dear Sheila,

    As hard as it is, sometimes the most loving thing we can do is let them go. Your boyfriend needs time and space, and it breaks your heart. He says he’s not in love with you anymore, and you’re grieving the loss of your relationship. You were together for 10 years, and you had plans for the future. Now, you’re lost and alone and heartbroken — and you’re confused about why this is happening.

    It’s important to keep doing what you’re doing, which is giving him the space he needs to do his own thing. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, that you are able to grieve your loss and heal.

    You WILL move on eventually, and you will heal from this sad situation. God will support and carry you…and eventually you may even see that this is a good thing for you. It seems impossible to believe that this could be good, I know, but sometimes even the worst situations turn out for good. God works everything together for the good, for people who love Him.

    I hope you are feeling better. You are not alone.


  169. Dear Laurie
    My boyfriend of 10 years just told me on his birthday that he no longer loves me. He stated that he was sorry and that he just didnt feel the same anymore. He said that he just needed us to go our separate ways. I love this man and committed to him. Now i feel hopeless and cannot figure out what happened. He states he just woke up and realized that he didn’t love me anymore. Mind you, we went to parties for his nieces and nephews last week. We were intimate as always. Although it had slowed down due to prostate problems but I was understanding and I put his health first.
    I feel lost without him and having been trying to understand what happened to us. He even stated that there was a time when he loved me so much that he would have done anything for me. But not now.
    I need closure but he cannot give me that. He said there was no one else but that he needed time alone. I am giving him that time alone. It is hard for me because I care so much for this man. We share some common interest and I will have to see him periodically due to these interest.
    Tearfully, when I finally left his home, I have told him that I would always love him and want him to be happy. I pray that God will carry me though this and support my efforts to let go and let God handle this situation. It is hard extremely hard and all I can remember is the first time I ever saw his face.

  170. Dear Joy,

    As much as it hurts to be told by your boyfriend that he doesn’t love you anymore, you have to hold on to the thought that this relationship wasn’t meant to be! It’s heartbreaking and disappointing, but for some reason you and your boyfriend are not meant to be together.

    Breakups happen for a reason. They happen because two people are not meant to be together. A breakup is the chance for you to find the man you are meant to be with — after you grieve the end of this relationship, of course. Give yourself time to heal, to process this breakup, and to focus on what kind of future you want for yourself.

    Get strong and healthy. When he says he doesn’t love you anymore, it’s a sign that it’s time to find who you are and where you want to go in life!

  171. Dear A Lee,

    I’m sorry for the pain you’re in. It’s a terrible feeling when a boyfriend – or even a husband – says he’s not in love with you anymore.

    I hope you’re able to heal, and move on. It may be hard to believe you’ll fall in love again, but it will happen. You’ll meet the right man for you, and you’ll be glad this one said he’s not in love with you anymore!

  172. My boyfriend of 4years just told me dt he is no longer in love with me.he even went to d extent of telling me dt we don’t v a future together.i feel so depressed n emotionally hurt.i feel so hurt coz each time I remembered how he pressured before I had to agree dating him,I do ask myself,y did I ever agreed in d first place?.i love him and will accept him back if wants us to b together again.just that am still finding it so hard now to admit that we r no longer there.plz,I rili need consolation and support.

  173. Yea I just got told these words indirectly. We had a spat and I said you act like you aren’t in love with me anymore and he replied by saying you already know the answer to that. Being in the ldr for the last 2 1/2 years makes it all the worse I can’t be there with him which is the main reason for the break up. It hurts. Then he text me he loves me but that didn’t make it better it only made it worse to know oh Iove you but I’m not in love with you…it’s very disappointing. I feel like I lost my best friend everything….

  174. Dear Barb,

    It sounds like you and your ex have very strong feelings for each other. It’s not easy to let go of the love you had – or the love you still have! I think he does love you, and you love him….but that doesn’t necessarily mean you are meant to be together. Maybe you’re both grieving the end of your relationship, and you need to let go slowly.

    Is it possible to recreate your first date? There’s alot of water under the bridge, and sometimes it’s not possible to go back. Sometimes we can only move forward – and it’s better that way.

  175. Dear Teresa,

    You sound you’re trying very hard to keep it all together, and I admire you! It’s so difficult when we aren’t supported at home, we feel so alone and vulnerable and scared. You’re dealing with so much right now, and having relationship problems does not help. I’m sorry you have to go through this.

    What other sources of positive support do you have in your life?

  176. KD, I think it’s awesome that you’re letting go and leaving your relationship in the hands of the almighty! Trust Him to take care of you — and to protect you from a man who says he isn’t in love with you anymore. You will find someone who loves you with all his heart, and you will be so glad you trusted the almighty. Stay strong.

  177. I met my boyfriend a little over a year ago. I moved in with him about 6 weeks later and at first things were great. Then he snooped through my email and found one from when I was mad at him and has thrown that in my face for 10 months. Then a couple weeks after the snooping, my adult daughter and I were out to dinner and our pizza was made wrong two times so it took awhile. When I got home, he was in bed, so I didn’t shower, just brushed my teeth. In the morning he asked me if I was seeing someone else because there were no dirty underwear in the hamper. From these two instances I became unhappy, but still loved him. But because I was unhappy, I didn’t treat him well. I wasn’t snippy all the time, just a few times a week. He eventually told me I needed to leave and I did at the beginning of April. The day after I moved, the feelings I have for him hit me like a ton of bricks and I am very much in love with him and miss him. It’s not just because I had to move. I’ve thought about everything I love about him and it’s real. Since I hurt him he said he needed space and time. I kept pushing – once a week I’d push real hard and he got tired of it and told me goodbye last Wednesday, by text and said he doesn’t love me.. I was out of town for the holiday weekend and Monday morning I got a text from him that said “I still miss you” with video links to Adele Rolling in the Deep and Papa Roach Scars. After 3 hours, I texted back and said I miss you too, but why are you texting me? He asked if we were friends. I said with the feelings I have, I can’t be just friends, but I will date him and told him I’d like to recreate our first date. He didn’t respond. So yesterday, I sent him a texting asking him to go to dinner Saturday. I was expecting him to say no, but he said it sounds like fun. Then he texted me when he got home from work last night. I’m so confused. I should say every other relationship I was in was physically abusive, but this one wasn’t. I kept pushing to see if he would become abusive and he never did. Why did he text after 5 days when he’s the one that said goodbye. I want him back but I know I can’t force him to love me. If he doesn’t love me, why doesn’t he just let me go?

  178. I’m living with my ex bf. and we have a two year old and I’m wiring and going to school this was a choice we both made with having a baby and school and so on and forth but I feel like he resents me and just can’t see me or he is not holding back on being negative .. I’m letting go and seeing if it’s meant to be it will be but it’s hard without he’s positive support and having so much in my plate I’m trying not to cry or feel down it’s tough but I’m doing ;//

  179. My boyfriend broke up with me recently. .. We’ve been together for 4 years.
    He says he doesnt want me in his life anymore… I am just clueless..but for now I’ve decided not to talk or text him. If he has to come back to me. .he eventually will… rest I’ve left everything in the hands of the almighty!

  180. Dear hisbestfriend,

    It sounds like your boyfriend is just as confused as you are, and that he doesn’t know how to work through relationship problems. Not fighting isn’t a sign of a healthy relationship, it’s a sign that you and he avoid conflict.

    Sometimes the best way to save a relationship – especially when your partner says he doesn’t love you anymore – is to give him time and space to figure out what he wants. The more you cling to him, the farther he’ll run.

    Can you give him time and space? What does this mean to you?

  181. I have been with my current boyfriend for about a year and a half now. I moved in with him after only dating for six months. It was as if everything was amazingly perfect. We really dont fight but every time we do have a disagreement he aways says something about us not being together. When hes mad he says he doesnt love me anymore. But once he is calm down he says he loves me but doesnt feel the same way he did 2 months ago. Im confused. I dont know what to do or how to take it. Please help me!

  182. Sometimes we need to take control of our lives and relationships! If he’s back and forth about loving you, not loving you, breaking up, getting back together — if it were me, I’d just call it quits.

    I know this is easier said than done, but there’s only so much back and forth that one woman can take! The short-term pain of breaking up (and taking control of the relationship) may be worth the long-term pain of being tossed around like an unwanted kitten.

  183. I have been with my boyfriend off and on for almost 4 years now. We started off as friends who would do everything together. We would play tennis, talk for hours, share private writings and stories, and etc. After a couple of months, maybe just a little over one, we decided to become a couple and I couldn’t have been happier. But boy things have been rocky since. I guess I should mention that he is 9 years younger than me. Which has never seemed like a big deal to me. We compliment each other and its recognized by many of our friends and family members. This last December he began talking marriage and went to his father for counseling. (We were separated at the time). We got back together, but just a month into it I could tell he was starting to have his doubts again. We werent arguing or anything like that, in fact everything seemed great. He finally expressed his doubts to me and I couldn’t handle it so we called it quits again. The following month he sent me some flowers, candies and gifts for Valentines Day. I guess I read it the worng way, because he says now that he was just sending that as a friend. Well needless to say we got back together. Again, everything was great except lately I could tell he was withdrawing again. So this weekend we talked it out and he says he doesnt “feel” like he loves me anymore, and that he goes back and forth in his mind all the time. I am very sad. We were supposed to be getting married in September. The crazy thing is that I never initiated any talks of marriage, he did… yet he is now the one who has backed out. I feel like I didnt just lose my boyfriend but I lost my best friend.

    We (he) had planned a vacation for us in a few weeks and he is trying to persuade me to go… I just dont understand why we should go on vacation together…??

  184. I am sorry I cannot reply to everyone!

    Dear Miriam,

    If you decide to get back together, then I think you should go very very slowly. Sometimes people change, but if you rush in too fast, you may find that he has not changed after all.

    Love is often about finding the balance between opening your heart and being vulnerable, and being wise enough to protect your heart (and your children, if you have them!).

    Maybe you could start dating him, and take things one step at a time. What do you think?


  185. My boyfriend of two years, told me I do not love you anymore. Just out of the clear blue. We had been together during the weekend and had a beautiful time,we never had a disagreement during our relationship, we were like best friends. He said I do want to remain friends with you,I will text you and call once in awhile to be sure you are ok.. I thought. My life would have ended at that moment. I told him I have tons of friends I don’t need that. I decided if he didn’t. Love me and wanted his keys back, then he should not know anything about me so I did the no contact,as much as it hurt me I couldn’t. Be friends,its been two years now, and after three months of no contact he started texting me.asking. His daughter to call me to see how I was but I stayed strong no contact,every bday,every holiday he text after two year we meet up face to face. His face was like a Christmas tree he was happy, I keep my cool all I said was hello, and walked away, my heart with so much pain..i know that as soon as we had broken up he was with. Another woman, now they aren’t together I know. I still love him but that pain was so horrible I couldn’t live that again. His daughter told me he regret’s it. I love him so much.but I know I could never trust him what should. I do people tell me everyone deserves a second

  186. me and my fiance always hav been fighting in very silly matters. after two months we r getting married. we had relationship for the last 7years. we had a very sweet relation before our engagement in 2010. after the engagement everything change. he get annoyed easily of me. small issues has created big fights between us. and now i feel that he doesnt love me anymore.. though he says but i deeply feel that he doest.. i love him so much. and i want to rebuild our relation but donno how to start.. if i dont do anything from now, im sure married life will start badly… i cant afford that..

  187. After four years I get a letter telling me I need to move out by the 1st of September. He says he loves me but isnt in love with me anymore and wants his space in his house. He says he wants to still be “together” just doesnt want a full time girlfriend wants to learn to be independent (he is 37) I have found a place but I really dont want to leave but feel I have no choice. I know I shouldnt chase him and I really have been trying but still living with him right now is so very hard.
    I keep asking him if I did something wrong and he denies it but he is so cold, we are supposed to still be together yet he is alwasy off by himself I try to talk to him but he runs away
    I need to decide whether or not I want to still be with him and the way he is acting now I am seriously considering telling him to lose my number once I move. I just wish my heart would listen…

  188. my husband has always been so good to me and weve had a good relayionship but he is terrible with communication. we have been having financial issues and just recently he told me he doesnt think he loves me anymore, im afraid its all the stress of bill that is keeping him conected and im afraid im going to lose him i love him so much and i dont know what to do.

  189. Dear Gemma,

    Yes, I think it’s time to let go! Why do you want to hold on to a man who is verbally abusive? He’s told you over and over he’s not in love with you anymore….why do you want to stay with him?

  190. Been suffering for quite long now, i am married to a very verbally abusive husband. He have nothing good to say about me at all. That i am nothing and nobody to him. I was diagnosed with breast cancer a year ago and he started to act differently. And just today, he said he is fed up with me. He is tired for he said i am just a burden to him. That he can get any woman anytime he wants. He wanted me to understand and just let go of his drinking habit with his friends. That is always the issue. Of course, i have the right to ask where is he and where have he been. But he is not giving me the right at all, he said i am JUST his wife and i dont have the right to ask his activities. Ive been suffering so much. Is it time to let go? I never gain even a little respect from him. Its so sad, that i gave up everythiing for him, but that doesnt matter to him at all.

  191. I have been with the same man for nearly 30 years. First started going in college together. Quite frankly we were both career driven and although I was fascinated by him, I never felt the toes/fingertips kind of love that I had with others. Our relationship went along, through many career changes, bicoastal address changes, etc. I was 30 and we decided, for lack of anything better to do, to get married. I wanted children. We had difficulties with infertility then quickly had two children in two years. With the second pregnancy he had some sort of affair, never could tell me what exactly happened, and my imagination went wild. I found some pictures of two women so naturally I thought the worst. I never did recover from that. Whatever kind of relationship we did have, it was further drained by his drug addiction. Last summer when dealing with my father’s death, I broke down and finally ended this thing. There was nothing left.I feel nothing for him. It took him months to move out. I finally feel renewed, refreshed and alive again. I can’t wait to get the money and the paperwork of the divorce settled. Thanks for listening.

  192. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, he broke my heart when we told me he wasn’t in love with me anymore, didn’t have felling for me when he hug or kiss me, he tried to fell it but couldn’. He wanted to be alone and want a me to stop contacted with me.ect. he told me allot hate full things and i couldn’t believe it at first but then i was thinking about that past 4 months. He took back the engagement,He was sometimes busy and did have time for me, i could tell he was acting different but didn’t through t it was about us. he got into fights with my family and me i felt lost but then he acted like everything was fine because we talk things out. its been 5 days we haven’t been together and on Facebook he been talking allot sh!T about me to people that it was all my fault and i ruin his life and i made him dead it his friends. i don’t know what to do. HELP!

  193. I have been married for almost 23yrs and with my husband for 26yrs. 1 month ago we sat down to talk and he said I still love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore. I had felt a strain for a few months, I know we had some tough times financially over the years and busy with the kids activities, but I always thought as they left we would have more time for us, and as they have left I have tried to plan more couple things, but he has planned single stuff with other friends, some I don’t even know. We are both in individual counceling, I am trying to keep hope alive, but after a month of one sidded affection, I am feeling beat down. He has been leaving the house for days at a time to go hang out with friends. He still wants to be intimate, and we still putter around the house, but outside activities are not done together. I don’t know how much more I can take, my heart breaks every day. I don’t know what to do

  194. I think that one of the worst things in life is when you love someone and they do not love you in return. Hoping and praying every moment of every day that they will change. Holding on to hope because you love them with all your heart. Accepting that they will not is very difficult. You cannot tell love what to do. I’ve loved a man for approx. 2 1/2 yrs and truly believed that he loved me too. That our union was special and had depth and meaning. He told me last night that he was not in love with me and that he could have sex with another woman and still continue to see me. That somehow that would be okay with him. He’s already left me in his heart and now I have to learn to let him go. I have to accept that he will never come back. I’m not going to hope any longer. This seems like an impossible thing to do since he’s a part of me. The only way I know how to do this is with God’s help. With God all things are possible and I must believe that He has a plan for me.

  195. young and stupid

    Hey ava this is for you
    The same thing happened when my ex left me. I loved his family as well as him. One thing I can say is if he doesn’t come back don’t let that ruin your relationship with his family. I am still really close to my ex’s mom (she is like a second mother to me) and his step-brothers. Giving him space is good but you need to start working on building a life outside of him. Go do something new. Make a friend who doesn’t know him. Because if he doesn’t come back you don’t want your whole world to leave with him. Hang in there hon, I hope your luck is better than mine. Just remember either way that you are your own person and you should not let him define your life.

  196. young and stupid

    Hey mheart I know exactly how you feel. If you read my post you’ll see that I am still not over my ex. I will tell you my parents played a large part in our breakup. He claimed he couldn’t stand their crap anymore. I did have an advantage you don’t since he was in college and I was in highschool so I didn’t have to see him. That said. Since you still go to school with him my advice no matter what stance you take with him is to not let yalls breakup screwup your friendships with other people expecially mutual friends. When my ex left I lost a lot of friends because I ignored them and pushed them away. Don’t let that happen!

  197. young and stupid

    I feel kind of stupid commenting on this especially after reading some of these other posts. First let me say y’all are some strong women. You handled it way better than I did. I wasn’t dating my boyfriend for very long ( alittle under six months) when he broke up with me. But let me tell you, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn’t feel like someone else had died, I felt like I had died. I had been going through a really tough time with my parents and with selfconfidence issues. I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with my life just that I wanted it to change. I was not in a very happy place at all. I trusted no one and I hated who I was. So when I met him it was like a dream come true. He made me feel like the most amazing person. He wasn’t perfect and neither am I but we balanced eachother. He was strong where I was weak. We got really serious really fast and on my 17th birthday he asked me to marry him. Everyone expected it and we made plans to marry after he graduated from college. I worried a lot that things would change when he went to school since I was still in highschool and sometimes i wonder if my constant worrying and negativity dicdnt contribute to what happened. For the first month or so after school started we were fine, really happr actually. Then I started having issues with my parents and they actually forbid me to see or speak to him for about three weeks. That is when everything changed. I was so exstatic when I got to see him again but he seemed a little distant. He told me he was just having some problems at school and questioning some decisions but I didn’t think much of it. Little did I know the decision he was questioning was his relationship with me. When he finally broke up with me I was totally crushed. I was barley functional for days. I went through the motions of going to class and stuff but I wasn’t really there and I cried almost constantly. I begged and pleaded with him and for several months I was a complete mess. I couldn’t think of anything but him and my friendships and social life suffered. I know several teachers talked to my parents and several people tried to get me to talk to a counsler but I couldn’t bear to do that because that meant admitting I couldn’t get him back. Now almost six months later I am still trying to let him go. He has very thouroughly cut off all contact with me but I am still reminded of him nearly every day. I lost all my friends but one who stuck through it the whole time and even now is still fighting to bring me back. In a little over a month I will be headed of to start my freshman year of college. I really want to make a fresh start but I am terrified his memory will follow me even there. I was young and stupid andf oolish to build my life around him and I don’t know how to undo it.

  198. Hi, my boyfriend of 2 and a half years broke up with me yesterday. Things were difficult because I live in the middle of nowhere and in the last 4 months we saw eachother once. But yesterday he said that he feels like he didn’t care anymore or miss me anymore and that he felt like he couldn’t be bothered to answer to my texts…
    Is this relationship repairable or should I just move on? I feel like it may be due to the distance and the fact that I text him too much and I might be going china for half a year next year for Uni… Could he be protecting himself or is it my constant texts are so annoying that he forgets that he misses me?
    During the break up he was acting like he was still sexually attracted to me but he was diliberately keeping his distance and not touching me?I just need to know of I should just give up or give him space and not text him and see how that goes?

  199. I was with this guy for 12 yrs. then we broke up and for 10 yrs. then all of a sudden he facebooked me and i accepted, thinking after 10 yrs, he changed. ha, he just got worse. FIRST he came on spring break to see me and it was the best and he stopped drimking which was a BIG problem in our past. now i think its all good, NOT!!! then he pays for me to go to p.r. for 3 months, and i just had my ACL surgery. so, i go and he makes me walk all over the place when i told him if i go all i want to do is RELAX! you know. then he keeps me like a dog and tells me he will smack the s**t out of me in the airport when i was geting the ticket if i kept talking s**t. so, i left him, now he is here in my house in my state and not paying bills rubbbing the past in my face and making me feel i need to leave my house, i love him so much until TODAY. he told me out of know where , I DONT LOVE YOU! i think its time for him to go back to p.r. or by his family . im sorry, but now out of know where YOU dont love me anymore f**k that, gyou got to gol. WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO!!!HELP!!!!!!!!!

  200. Hello, Not sure how to even start.. I have been married for 13 years this coming may… I say married because we have not divored yet.. We have two children ages 5 and 10.. we are 7 yrs apart in age.. him being younger… we have had our ups and downs.. well at least I thought that was what they were.. he came to me last august and told me he loved me.. but was not in love with me anymore… at that point.. I was floored.. devasted… I couldnt really understand what he was saying.. I was in shock… but I knew something was/had been wrong for a while.. I had known for maybe 6-8 months before he came to me… but I didnt think anything was “really” bad between us before that.. just thought we were having typical married problems… like we werent doing things together much anymore.. and felt like there was a wedge being pushed between us .. with his job.. the kids.. life in general… through the years we have fought.. over one thing or another.. some drop down drag out fights.. some just short ones.. I felt that those fights were us claiming bounderies.. what we expected from each other.. what we were willing to deal with and what not… well through the years.. we would say mean things to each other.. in the heat of arguments.. I said pretty mean things.. I admit it.. one being that when we got together.. I would be the stay at home mom.. and take care of the kids.. we both agreed to that.. but when we would get into arguments.. I would throw it up in his face that I gave up everything for him.. so he could pursue his life.. career.. whatever… well I would say those things alot… and thinking back.. I never really meant to hurt him.. but it had.. and that is one of the things.. after talking with him that he is basing his feelings on.. saying that if you say it enough to someone .. they believe it.. and I understand that.. and Im so deeply sorry for the pain I caused him… I never knew how much it hurt him… but.. here we are.. and now he is leaving.. we are separating… I asked him if this is a separation.. or divorce.. he tells me that he is done.. and he doesnt think it can be repaired… Im SO broken hearted.. we have been trying to make things better all this time.. almost a year.. and all he has ever said to me.. is Im not happy.. that he doesnt feel any better about us.. problem is.. I have bent over backwards to change my outlook on our relationship.. tried everything I can to make him happy.. and its not enough.. he looks at me and tells me he feels Im doing all these nice things for him because I have to.. not because I want to.. so it just doesnt matter what I do.. it seems he will never believe Im doing all this things for him because I want to.. I want to make him happy.. he just doesnt believe me… I guess because he is so hurt… he also told me he is absolutly positive I am not attracted to him.. and he couldnt be farther from the truth.. I think he is beautiful.. but again.. he does not believe me.. and I am afraid to show him for fear of rejection from him…anyways… I know I have rambled.. and to be honest there is way too much to mention… I guess what I am writing this for is to ask if I should just let it go… him go… I really do love him.. he has been my world… my rock.. for so long.. and when we met.. we were so in love.. and we both felt that we were meant to meet and be together… and I dont know how we got to this point.. Im so devestated.. my heart has been hurting for so long… but it seems nothing is going to change .. no matter how much I try… thx for reading..

  201. a couple nights ago my husband of only 9 months told me he thinks of me as more a friend than anything. and that through out our relationship and marriage doesnt feel as though i loved him. personally i dont know how he feels that way because i stuck by his side when he decided to jion the military, through out basic and tech school and i moved across the world(leaving my own family) to be with him. i do every thing he asks of me and even things he doesnt. my heart is sinking and it hurts so bad because i really do love and care for him and being in another country at the moment we still sleep in the same bed he still cuddles with me hugs me kisses me and calls me baby but i cant help but cry every time he touches me cause i dont know if its real or not and i dont know what to do. and i very strongly oppose divorce and its so early in the marriage. so what do i do?????

  202. hello every one I really need help , last night my boyfriend tell that he wont to broke up with and he said he doesn’t know if he love me any more or not and he has 3 concern first we lose consummation because i am a negative person and i can’t give him an opining so he lost hope so he stop tell the important thing and shear things with me but this is not true he is a very busy person and have a lot of responsible on his back so i was trying to be nice to him when he tell me something and try to make him feel better,and his second concerned that we only talk about six and that making him fell low and then he start to avoid me and avoid talking to me but that also not true we always talk in late night and if i try to talk about any thing he go for six he never said he doesn’t wont it and wont it to stop yes sometime i felt like he doesn’t wont it but that the only way to grab his attention and the third one is that he save some money so we can get married in this year but now his family need him and need his money so he said he cant committed to me because he doesn’t have something to offer to me so my question is ,is it to late to fix this issues and come back together i love him and i know he love me too ,so can you please help me to get him back

  203. Hi there where do I start I’ve been with my husband for 12 years we have our ups and downs like any couple well 5 days ago he comes out with he’s sick of me and the kids and he would leave if he had the choice his mood swings are like jeckle and hyde all the time well me and the kids have been ignored noW for 5 days and its driving me insane problem is kids are 9,8,6,3 so I can not make excuses for him not for his benifit but for the kids sake I just need someone to talk to he owns the house and I would have nowhere to go with the children and doesn’t seem to care how his moods affect anyone!

  204. These asshats! Why do we let them do this to us. I know my worth. I’m smart, funny and pretty. WHAT am I/are we, thinking?! Sometimes I don’t feel I’m thinking at all…just feeling.

    Thank you all for this discussion. It helps.

  205. I know how all you are feeling. I’m 42 years old with 3 children: 15, 9 and 16 months, two bad divorces, and bad recent relationship. I recently got acquainted again with my high school sweetheart who lives across the country and has been there for 20+ years. We were talking, texting, facebooking, for months and he seemed like he really wanted to try to re-kindle things. He invited me to come out there to visit, was excited about it and said those things that make a woman really think that: “He is serious!, he really acts like he is concerned about me, my life and so on”. He even wanted to move back home (where I live) due to job and economical reasons. I arrived and we had one great day and night; then all of a sudden he acted like he didn’t want me there!!! Almost like I was interfering in his life and he wanted me to leave. When I confronted him he stated that I wasn’t that he just had a lot on his mind about moving, a job, and so forth. I immediately went to the airport and got a flight home. As I got out of the car to go in he kissed me and hugged me tightly with tears in his eyes, and of course I had been crying. Went home, texted him and he does respond, called him and he does answer and talk to me but not in that caring, concerned voice as before. Almost like I am bothering him. Through our talking; I rediscovered that we had so much in common; morals, values, goals, etc. So that makes it even worse for me: I guess he’s “just not that into me” as I am him. Very hurtful!!! can’t stop crying!!! He was the first guy in years that I felt such a connection with, and even after almost 30 years I still haven’t gotten over him. Any advice or help out there??

  206. I found this site by typing “why am I letting my boyfriend determine my happiness”. I am (was) supposed to be relocating to another state to live with him. Three days ago I gave him my arrival date. Haven’t heard a word from him since. I’m feeling so many really painful emotions right now. Shock, grief, shame, embarrassment, abandonment, and a terrible fear of the future. I’ve been making plans for this move for over four months, and now I feel…I don’t know, kind of anchorless I guess. If I don’t have this what do I have. I’m not sure how to begin re-routing my life. I had it all planned out and now…well, now I see that all my plans, all my dreams and expectations were totally reliant on another persons feelings and actions. I’m hoping that this experience isn’t going to leave me hopelessly jaded and cynical (though at this moment I feel like it just might.)

  207. Maria and sinead, I know EXACTLY what you are both going through. I actually take some comfort in knowing I’m not the only one. I have a 4 month old baby boy, I was with the father for just over a year when he decided to break up with me 6 months pregnant and left me for another woman. This woman was someone he has worked with for several years and I’ve even met her myself on a number of occasions. He is now living with her, they are possibly getting married and she is now spending time with my child. We were also engaged before. I have been in a state of traumatic turmoil and so depressed. But there is hope, I also met someone and he has been a saviour. I don’t need a man to make me feel better but I’ve gone through so much that I’m actually more confident in myself and he arrived just at the right time. I just need this other woman to get out of our lives as she’s not very nice and I don’t really want her round my son. So yes, my advice would be to stick at it, try and get happy for yourself and remain positive if you can. Its hard, I was crying every night waiting for my son to be born on my own while the man I loved was round the corner with another woman. I know how it feels, but believe me.. You do get through it. Oh and also, he will get his share of pain and its hiss loss anyway. Sacrificing a beautiful life with a beautiful family for some tart is a huge price to pay in the long run. X

  208. Ok can someone help me? My boyfriend and I broke up 2 and a half weeks ago and I’m having that good-one-day-then-depressed-the-next moment… 🙁
    I actually tried asking people for help on some websites but no one’s been replying to me and it’s just making me feel hopeless. Can someone reply here first so I can at least know someone’s actually willing to help? 🙁 </3

  209. This reply is for: Landon Statis

    Hello Landon,

    I read your message, I’m thinking I can give you some advice, BUT I need to know what exactly happened; what that “bad” thing was that happened between the two of you, before I can give you specific advice. I can tell you from what I see, whatever happened, scared the hell out of her; to the point that she feels as if she can’t trust you again. Like I said, I need to know what exactly happened. Honestly, this may be a situation where you may just have to move forward or it may work over time. I’d also like to know when the situation took place. Did it happen in front of her children? Trust me, if she came out of one bad situation, she’s not going to want to get into another one. I’m sensing a lot, just based on what you wrote. If you’re comfortable, email me and I will give you my honest opinion. Your message to be will be kept CONFIDENTIAL. Now, in terms of you spending the holidays with her, I don’t know, again, I need to know what exactly took place between the two of you.


  210. Sinead i know its extremely difficult given your circumstance but you have to remain strong for your children, especially your unborn child. Men make it seem it is so easy for us just to simply move on and find somebody else, we don’t function the same way they do. For them is easy, ofcourse because we are the ones who stay with the kids and have to carry all the dead weight on our shoulders. As much i am crying inside i still have to put a happy face for my son. So try to remain strong, don’t show him your hurting. One thing I learned is that I have to pretend i am ok with his decision and not show him my emotions because if i do instead of bringing him closer, i am just pushing him away even more. Best of luck to you and your family. God bless

  211. I’m having one hell of a time.

    i was with my ex for 2 years and we had an amazing relationship where we both felt like it was for keeps. Never felt so happy with anyone else, talked all the time, stayed together, was a co-parent, and amazing chemistry both sexually and with humor. I have an ex-husband who was abusive during our marriage and he used our son as a tool causing alot of stress. I kept my relationship with my ex bf quiet around my son’s father and it caused my bf to feel like he was not a priority. Finally he emotionally broke it off in September and immediately started to date someone to try to move one. It didn’t work and we got back together but he trickled it off still saying he loved me, but not in love, sparks were gone, and that he could forgive but not let me in again. I was devistated and have not been able to get over this.
    He says things like he made a decision now he feels better, he can’t go back on the life change etc. he talks to me every day either by text or calling. Everyday! We talk about everything and there is still chemistry there, about the relationship, our lives etc.. He told me recently that he is now seeing someone and I found out from a friend who saw him that it is the same girl from September and when I asked him he told me it didn’t matter, that they were not dating before but are now. I was so shocked and hurt. i feel like he lied and tho I believe he didn’t see her the whole time, I can’t help but wonder and feel that she was between us during the attempt to try again.
    He says that he wont give us a second chance and has never gone back on his decisions before. He deleted me off facebook but still every day initiates contact through text or phone calls.

    What should I think? What should I do? I love him and have thought about dating but just can’t go there. I made mistakes but if he still cares why won’t he change his mind? Is it all too soon and we are still too close for him to realize he would miss me in his life?

  212. hey guys this is mheart, and im a teen but was in a horrible breakup. this guy’s parent’s forced him ot dump me after 9 weeks…they didnt know we were dating. and so he still liked me, but he said he was tired of the drama, and that’s what sparked him to not like me anymore…people have been coming to him and asking if he still liked me and i didnt even know, so naturally he thought it was me that sent them…so he thinks im bugging him, and im really trying to get him to like me again, and im running out of options. im giving him time, space, but occasionally run by the window of his classroom, right where he can see me, so i can remind him of me. he is one grade lower than i am, so we have different classes, but we have band together. we also do this after school thing together and it’s awkward because he acts like im not even there, and he doesnt talk to me. is there anybody that can help me with this????

  213. My boyfriend of 3 years told me he doesn’t love me on our 3 years anniversary. I’m so devastated, this only happened a week ago, I’m giving him his space, but I have made him world and it’s killing me. I don’t know what to do, I don’t feel like living anymore. I’ve always put him first, always love him. Im so close to his family. It’s hurts so bad. Please tell me what to do? He said he’s trying, but what if she doesn’t come back, what if he says no. Please help

  214. Hi everyone,

    (I put this post on the depression page too, as it covers both topics!)

    I’m struggling in my relationship, found this site, and thought Laurie/someone here may have some insights

    I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for just over a year now, and in the beginning we had such a lovely time and we spent a lot of time together. I would stay over at his place 4+ nights a week, it felt real and close, he told me he loved me very often, was affectionate and sexual and sweet. He’d cook us dinner, and we’d be happy just chilling out together.

    We both have tricky situations at present. We both broke up with our previous partners in summer 2010.

    He’s 37, was married for 12 years, with 3 children, and money worries, and his wife ended it suddenly when she found a new man, although he admits the marriage had been over for years, seperate bedrooms, no talking etc.

    I’m 32 and had bought a place with my partner of 9 years, and was also working for him for the last 2 – things had been bad for a while and we ended it. I have been unemployed for nearly a year due to my ex taking my job away, and a couple of operations that I had to have. I am now looking for a job, and need to have one within 3 months for financial reasons. I’m still in the property I own with my ex (He’s not and we don’t speak!) and will buy him out as soon as I’m working. It’s stressful.

    My boyfriend’s situation has become worse in the last few months. He’s facing bankruptcy due to debt(which means his kids will have to leave the family home and he’s worried they’ll hate him for it), his divorce is about to go through, his wife is being difficult about him seeing his kids (which hurts him deeply as he loves them), she is blaming all the money issues and divorce on him alone, while the children don’t even know that she’s in a relationship with the new guy – they think he’s just a friend. On the upside, he has a good job that he loves a bit too much!
    He also had to move house due to lack of money into a flat that’s just a favour from a friend and really grotty, which meant I stayed a lot less – also him being gone for 8 weeks (see below) didn’t help our relationship. (I can’t have him to stay at mine due to issues with my ex still owning it too).
    He has to give the child support agency so much of his income that it will be hard for him to find accomodation. (I can’t move him in with me until I own my place).
    My boyfriend also betrayed my trust at the time of the move by working away for 2 months against my wishes. We did still meet up some weekends though but I felt ignored and let down by him doing that in the first place. Our relationship hasn’t been the same quality since.

    Anyway, after feeling tearful, rubbish, and acting out of character lately, he got diagnosed with depression, and has been given anti-depressants and psychotherapy. He has only had a few sessions of psychotherapy and it doesn’t seem to be doing anything yet.
    He came off his drugs 5 weeks ago without anyone (including me!) knowing and claims he ‘doesn’t need them’ and ‘hasn’t got depression’ but is still acting strangely and saying contradictory things to me on different days. He also withdraws from seeing friends, and will not be intimate with me in any real way. I am the only person that he talks to about his problems.

    He went away for work for a fortnight four weeks ago, promising to support me while he was away, telling me he loves me and will miss me with tears in his eyes at the airport, even emailing on the second day to say he already missed me.
    He called me, drunk, one night and we had an arguement because he thought I’d said something I hadn’t, but due to his being drunk and off his pills, he just wouldn’t listen. Communication died off in the next few days as his attitude stank! He ended up ignoring me for the whole second week which DEEPLY hurt me.

    We talked when he got back, and I told him I wasn’t happy at all with how he’s been treating me lately, and he needs to be a good boyfriend or we can end it with no contact (as I love him so much but he’s hurting me – my feelings are being controlled by him).

    He said he wants me in his life so wanted to try to make it work. That was two weeks ago. We’ve seen each other 2/3 times a week since then. He took me out for the evening the other day and I stayed over at his. We shared a bed but he didn’t want to cuddle me or anything, saying he loves me ‘but not in that way’ and it ‘didn’t feel right’.
    It really hurt my feelings and confused me, as we had just been on a date! He invited me and he paid for me, even though I tried to pay for myself! To me that’s a date!

    Then yesterday he’s saying that he loves me as a friend, and even though he says he can see I’m attractive, he says he doesn’t fancy me (or anyone else either) and that he thinks we should ‘be friends and see if we can build a relationship from there’.
    I asked him in an ideal world would he like it to work with us and he said yes.
    He keeps trying to put us in the ‘friends’ box though. He says things like ‘I need to fix the problems in my life first’. This doesn’t make any sense to me!! It’s throwing the baby out with the bathwater! In my head, you work through your problems together and come out of the other side stronger for it!

    He says he has no sex drive at all for ANYONE, but that’s it’s not the depression as he had no sex drive before we got together either and he only had lots of sex ‘bacause I wanted it’. This is crazy talk! He actively pursued me!! I did NOT make the first move.

    I asked him how he can ‘love me’ as he’s getting on a plane and the next day too, and then one misunderstanding led to an arguement and him ignoring me, and he’s come back and is now saying ‘I don’t love you in that way’. When I asked him to explain how he can go from loving me to not loving me in his head within 3 days, he simply said ‘It’s because I didn’t miss you when I was away, and I did miss my kids’.

    As you can tell, I’m totally confused!!! We’ve just been out tonight also, and again he paid for my dinner and the cinema, just like a boyfriend would. He also held my hand walking along to and from places and gave me a kiss on the lips. Then later on when I was going to my door he was odd about cuddling me, and didn’t want to kiss goodnight at all (I stayed at my own house tonight).

    I DO NOT understand this at all. He seems to want me to be like I’m a wife, but without any of the sexual stuff. For example, he actually has the opportunity to have his kids over at his Mum’s this weekend(as it’s a nicer place to be than his flat), and I’m invited, plus I’ve never met his Mum before (she’s ill a lot with MS) so this will be the first time.

    He seems to want me around, and to text, email, and talk to, and go and do stuff with, but not romantically at the moment.

    He isn’t seeing anyone else – I know him too well and am certain of that.

    In the beginning it was he who pursued me, he who said I love you first and he who asked me to be his girlfriend. He even introduced me to his kids very early on and we have spent a few nice days out all together. I just don’t understand.

    Is his depression causing this odd behaviour??? (The depression he claims to no longer have…)

    If not what is?

    The stress from his life addling his brain?

    If anyone can give insight/advice I would REALLY appreciate it!

    I’m driving myself nuts over this. I love him very much and have put over a year of effort into this relationship and want it to progress. He seems to want to chuck it away because he’s stressed/depressed….

    Any thoughts would be great,


    Lucy J :O)xx

  215. Hi Maria, I know what u r going through four weeks on Saturday my fiancée dumped me says he didnt love me anymore. I am devastated I have three children under six and am 25 weeks pregnant today, he comes back and forward to the house but his moods are so up and down I thought it best we stopped contact but caved in everytime and asked him to see the kids. He wants to help but changes arrangements about and dictates when he sees the children never on a weekend, he to is a student newfound leaf of life and is very focused on this and thus alone. I am very upset because we have to see each other he has student accomodation and says he can’t take the kids there but it doesn’t work him visiting I always cry and hate to hear of his nights out which I hate to hear about. I’m thinking about going to a solicitor as he keeps threatening me with one when he falls out with me but I have now said to him that getting a solicitor is not a threat but what annoys me is he keeps saying most guys would just disappear, as If I’m should be so grateful for his helping out as he likes to call if this his arrangements are rubbish only week days a couple of hours at night and it’s pretty much like it or lump it. We have never ever spoke to his family lots of bad blood there so no support from them and it’s all just a mess really. I know I have to accept this rejection but trying to is a different matter I want to enjoy my children and pregnancy but feel I can’t. He wants to see his kids at Xmas in our house I think that will be the hardest thing I will have to do oh u have seen the kids open there presents great bye bye for now! U see totally screwed up just cause he says he doesn’t love me, I don’t want to believe that’s the reason but he won’t tell me anything else just I have to accept it and I’ll thank him one day oh yea and go and get urself a new lad ! As if 25 weeks pregnant!

  216. Hi,
    I have been married for nearly 2years and have a gorgeous baby girl.
    We have fought in the passed but this time my husband hit breaking point and has packed his stuff and living with his parents.
    He told me he wanted to work things out but not yet!
    Every day he changes his mind!
    This has been goin on for 6 days still fresh.I need help???
    I have bee

  217. Hello, I am very torned because my boyfriend of 4 years told me he’s not in love with me anymore and its extremely painful due to the fact we have a baby together. And I’m just in a tough situation because i am currently unemployed ( we decided it was better for me to be a stay at home mom) and I have nowhere else to live so I have no choice but to stay here. I am going to start school next month so he is supportive on helping me until I find a job and able to get back on my feet. I just try to be hopeful that he will open his eyes and realize he is making a mistake of letting me go before its too late. I just feel like he wants to be single so he will be able to go out to clubs and just have the same life as his friends, and just meet new women. I can give him his space however I won’t tolerate him talking to other women. If anyone has gone through the same situation I am or has any words of advice, i would truly appreciate it.

  218. Hi,

    I’ve been with the same girl for 4.5 years. Prior to that I was asking her out for 3 years before she finally said yes. Once we started going out, it was like God meant for us to be, and I still believe that. I do everything I can for her. I always put her before me.

    She is divorced with 2 kids. So, she sometimes needs help getting things done, and I’ve always been there for her. I do everything for her which she will let me do. I own a couple of buildings, and she lives in one of the units rent free, my way of helping her financially.

    About 1 year after were got together we had a bad fight. I did some things which were very bad. I’m not going into details. We seemed to get past it and I’ve never repeated anything like that again.

    However, she tells me now that it was that incident that broke her heart. That although she forgave me, she cannot forget. That she has tried but is not in love with me like she used to be, just loves me as a friend.

    Yet we still go out, still see each other, at times she invites me to spend the night. She still says she loves me. And then there are other days when she is the evil witch and says things that hurt. There are days when she will kiss me, and then other days when she will not even allow me to kiss her.

    Her actions and words do not match. And although some people have said move on, I love this girl dearly. Will just giving her space make her come back?

    As I type this now, we are not really on speaking terms. But, if she would call and need help, I would find it impossible not to help. Some people say I need to let her know that I may not always be there, but that hurts me to do that.

    Christmas is fast approaching. I have 30+ gifts for her and her kids. Some of my friends say that I should put the gifts under her tree, but not spend Christmas with them. Telling them it is a family time, and unless I am part of the family, I’ll not be there, even if she asks me to be there.

    I’m looking for direction here. What should I do to get her to come back? Hard to ignore her when I see her all the time at the gym and she lives in my building.

    Experts, advice please?

  219. HI,

    I’m from Spain and mu husband fro the US. He was playing pro ball in Spain for 9 years. During the summer we used to be apart 1 or 2 months and then I used to go to The States. Over there we have a condo in SC but him and his family are from OH and live there. We never could enjoy any privcy over those summer times because hi parents were ALWAYS AROUND. If we were in SC they were there, if we wanted to go on a city break , like for my BDAY to the Niagara falls they would come without even asking. They love me and I love them but they did not realie we were not getting any marriage space.
    2 years ago, due to the crisis, he had to early retired and left to the US to fnd a new job for us to settle over there. Since we didnt expect this to happen I didnt have my green card ready therefore I was just able to stay 3 months over there ( at her parents ). We owe a villa in Spain, a villa we rent as a holiday villa and I do all the work ( bookings, cleaning …everything ) so he could focus on his new carrier and I was taking care of our loan here. The condo in SC would have been our solution if he would have been able to tell his parents that we couldnt afford that house just for them and friends to go on holidays or to spend the winter now that they are both retired. He wasnt able to tell them not to come wherever we wanted to go by ourselves before, and he hasnt able to tell them we couldnt afford that condo because we wanted to live together in our own house, by ourselves and his job is in OH, not in SC.
    Before I camse back to Spain we argue because I told him I was tired his mom to run our economy and life somehow ( I dont think she knew how hurting it was, and maybe she was trying to help somhow but without weven mention the possibility of renting or selling the condo ….I wonder why? ).
    Now that I was halve packed to go back, and stay there till MAY, he says he is not inlove anymore. He has been writting email, not even calling me just telling me how bad he feels and how good I am but that he cant deny his feelings. He didnt even waited to see me in person and make sure that thats what he wants. I know ther is no other girl. He is one of the best persons I have ever known, coward, buthas a grest heart.
    I told him I am going there cuz I need him to tell me in person , after 11 great years, he loved me so much, made me feel it in a way tat I had NO doubts about him but this summer he has been cold. He kept sayig he felt weird, down, in a way he never felt before but that it didnt have anything to do with me. I understood since he changed his live from an easy live ( playing pro basketball ), succes, no money problems …. ) to the other side ( living with mom and dad, no wife there, money problems, pressure …. ) . Everything changed since I told him we had no choice but to sell the condo. He made me look for houses online last month nad he started looking because he told me literally he hates to live with me at his parents, no matter how along I do get withthem two.
    But now he comes with that I dont feel it anymore ….
    Im going there next Friday. Its because of our problems? can he relize he is still inlove eventhough he didnt think he was anymore ????? HELP!! I love him with all my heart and we were SUCH A GREAT TEAM!

  220. My boyfriend just broke up with me because he doesn’t love me anymore. We were in a long distance relationship and I guess it finally got to him. He wants to stay friends and says he will call me all the time because I am his best friend and he tells me things that he tells no one else. The same goes for me and I feel like no one understands us more than one another. He also agrees with this. He still calls everyday to talk and when I don’t call him back, he’ll act offended.

    I feel like since we haven’t been able to see each other and he has a lot of stressful things going on. He’s confused and doesn’t know what he wants. I am hurt and lonely and struggle everyday to keep it together in front of others including him. I know that if we weren’t long distance this never would have happened.

    Is it wise for me to stay friends with him? I feel like there will always be hope there for us to be together again because I’ll never stop loving him. I’m confused as to why he says doesn’t love me anymore yet nothing else has changed between us.

  221. Hi. I have been with my guy for 12 years (since we were 19) and we are still not married. We have 2 boys together 11 & 4 years old. We’ve hit this rough patch in our life a few times. He says he doesn’t love me the way he used to. But in his heart he still loves me. What does that mean? How can someone say they don’t love you anymore but say they know in their heart they still do???

  222. I had a guy tell me he didnt love when im carrying hes second baby and it was hard but now im not interestd he wil find someone and i get two kids

  223. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Dear Lin,

    I’m sorry to hear that you’re in such pain and so lost because he doesn’t love you anymore….and I do hope you find the strength and courage it takes to survive this heartache!

    First, you have to remember that you WILL SURVIVE this broken relationship. Yes, you’re lonely and sad now, and it’s a difficult thing to heal from…but these feelings of pain won’t last forever.

    Second, I encourage you to find happiness and fulfillment outside of your relationship. If he’s the sole source of your happiness, then if he leaves, you’re devastated. But if he’s just ONE part of your happiness, just one part of your life, then his leaving is sad…but not devastating.

    Third, I suggest you read my articles on letting go of someone you love. And then please put those tips into practice! And, read the comments that other readers have left — you’ll see that you’re not alone, and that other people have survived their broken hearts.

    How to Let Go of Someone You Love

    And finally, I encourage you to call a women’s help line or support organization for help. Don’t try to survive and heal by yourself or by looking online. Get in-person help, please. You’re a good person, and you need to surround yourself with people who care and who know you so they can help you.

    I wish you all the best, and want you to realize that you WILL be happy, healthy, and strong again…it just takes time to heal a broken heart.


  224. i am so sad, feeling very lonely, he is so distant to me even though we sleep next to each oterh at night but he is not interested in me at all, i am so broken hearted. i really am trying to hard to stay cool and in control even though my heart is broken terribily i feel so alone, so lonely becos i am too much dependent on him,now that he left me alone, i felt so lost, i feel dying like i lost him, i wanted so much for him to like me , love me, want me, but he is so far and distant and not wanting me. i am so sad.i can’t sleep all night wandering why he is not interested in me.

  225. i have been married for 17yrs now, and know my husband about more than 20yrs, known him 5yrs before marriage,married 17yrs now. in the begining he love me so much i guess, now we have 1 kid age 11yrs old. we have been so much together, i am young when i married him,i knew him whn i am 17yrs and he’s 20yrs older than me, and i have alot of comfort, happiness, security with him, he’s been there for me all the time till our marriage, i am childish type very jeolus,but love him too much. even my dad disapprove our marriage becos his age, but i still married him and my dad learn slowly to accept him,but too bad,he hates my dad till today, there’s so much friction between my dad and hubby.after been married together for a long time,he always verbally abuse me,, he always scold, curses, bring me down , to him i am always doing wrong things, not clever enough, got slow brain, stupid, and all sort of abusive words, and i hv been so patient, i don’t know why he never appreciate what i do.. he always say i make him angry, make him sick. and now he’s been sickly now he blames me he say he is sick becos of me, he is always angry with me for small stuff like when i am not good in kitchen, like forgot to shut the window,forgot to carry the dustbine out, forget things, he got so angry. today he got so angry, he shut me out, he told me to leave him alone and not to talk to him and he ignore me, he love to ignore me, then i feel so sad, all alone and feel like the world tumble over me.i feel so lonely, he say he hate me and get sick of me. it seem everythng i do is wrong, and he is ignoring me, i feel so alone, and hurt. he alwys do this, i love him so much. i feel he don’t love me anhymore. he like to shut himself out nowadays and i am always begging him to come out of his shell and be happy,but he’s so sulky, i am so stress becos he is hating my dad and he’s so angry with me abt so many things. how will i ever survive ? pls ive me strenght, ia m so lost.

  226. hello wounded heart, we have the same situation exactly the same on ly that i have a child, if youire there can you send me a message and we could talk and try to do our best how to forget them and show them we dont need them .

  227. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen


    I’m sorry for your situation — it sounds like you’re in a tough spot, and you feel like you have no options or choices.

    Can you call a local distress line or women’s helpline? Many women need to leave husbands, women who have nothing and feel dis-empowered. I think some of these women are able to rebuild their lives by seeking and accepting help from outside sources: shelters, family, friends, the government. I don’t know what resources are available in your area, but it’s worth calling to find out.

    Also, can you lean on your parents or friends for help? If you decide to try and regain your power (which you CAN do), you may need to rely on others for short-term support. Remember, in a few months or a year you’ll be in a position to help others…and this is what friends and family are for.

    Another thing to consider is rearranging your life, such as by working outside the home instead of home schooling. This might give you more power, as you’ll have your own income and life outside the home. I understand you made the choice to home school for important reasons, but getting out of this situation may mean making some different choices.

    I wish I had better answers for you; it’s a long process to rebuild your self-identity — but you’ll be glad you did! Also — if there’s a support group of some sort in your area, it might be good to join it…the more you surround yourself with people who have survived a similar situation, the healthier and stronger you’ll be!

    With best wishes,

  228. I think wounded heart that you should leave him. Believe me ! you should stay at that country too and work on your self to try to imrove your tatus there, you have to prove for him that you donot needhim at all but you came to Europe just to live with him which he doesnot appreciate this. you donot have to say any word but tell him to go as far as he can because oneday he will return back and asks for your forgiving where in this case you will refuse him because hopefully you will find someone who loves you. believe me it is better to find somone who loves you than find someone who you do,love.

  229. What do you do if you’re not married? But, together for almost eight years and have three children together? And, you are a stay-at-home-mom who home schools so you don’t work outside the home? You have no money of ‘your own’ in a situation like this, where he will certainly not willingly turn over anything to you?

    I can’t believe I’m here. I’ve always been independent, and left an abusive marriage only to find myself in a worse situation because though he doesn’t hit me, I seem to have given up all my power somewhere along the line?

    What the hell do I do? God help me.

  230. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Fniklaw, I’m sorry I didn’t respond earlier. Somehow your comment slipped through the cracks, and I missed it!

    In your head, you want to move forward…but your heart is still with the man you loved. You CAN build a happy life. I don’t know if you’re reading this, but let me know if you are and I’ll write a few suggestions for building a happy life and thinking happy even when you’re still so sad because of your relationship breakup.

    Missy, I’m so sorry that your heart is broken — but I can hear so much hope and healing and possibility in your words! You’re doing the right thing, my friend.

    Sometimes love isn’t enough to make relationships work out. Sometimes we have to accept that it’s time to let go and move on….especially if you know in your heart of hearts that he doesn’t love you the way you DESERVE to be loved.

    I’m glad you found your way here, Missy, and I hope to hear from you again.

    Best wishes,

  231. I googled for help on this one – and I have to say that what you wrote is all so true, Laurie. I am in a long distance relationship, and things have been fine until this weekend. We chatted on the phone and I could sense a sort of unhappiness in his voice. He broke up with me once, and asked for me back, and we said we will try. Now, I feel he doesn’t want to be the one to pull out as he will be eating his words. I invested so much time and gave him as much love as my heart possibly could give – that is why I wanted to hear his voice last night, for hours we talked, because today – I’m going to start to love myself, give ME the time, give ME the attention. Today, I start my life without him. Hearing his voice again would only change my mind so I am cutting it clean. It hurts so bad SO BAD, but I know I m doing him a favour and me too. Thank you for your words here, Laurie. God Bless.

  232. It’s so hard to let go. I loved him more than anything, even myself. He was so mean to me at the end. He said horrible things. I could not believe that it was the same person. I was so hurt. I still feel pain and its been over six months. I want him back even though he hurt me so much. I am having trouble moving forward. I lost so many friends because I was so sad and missed him so much. I do not want this sad relationship to stop me from having strong and healthy relationships with others. I want to think happy. I want a happy life.

  233. Forgetting him really is not easy, Going back to Asia actually is my last option, for now i`m studying their language, w/c is one of my biggest obstacle to get a job,i`m trying to look for a job, though i worked here before but in an int`l company so did not require to speak the native language.I don`t want to leave yet, because they will be free now, and people & friends will think that i was the one who left him, because our separation is not public yet. i am planning also to go to US,because i also have US visa but for now i want to make it here and proved to both of them that i can be the best that i can be and can be as happy as before and successful without him. Thanks Laurie, i needed all your encouragements and prayers…

  234. Starting over is hard…I know. Especially when you’re not in your home country. Have you considered moving back to Asia? Not that I think you should — I’m just curious!

    Your first step is to get a job, I would think. You’ll feel much better about your life and ability to take care of yourself if you’re working and earning money. And, getting a job would help you meet people and make new friends.

    I wish I could help….but I hope you know that I’m thinking about you, and sending positive vibes your way! If you have any questions, please do ask them here. I’ll be here for years to come 🙂

    Best wishes,

  235. Thank you very much Laurie for all the encouragement and advices, it is still very difficult for me to accept and understand what he did, especially that i am not a native of his country, i am from Asia and he`s from Europe, i left my family and career, and lived with him in his country, i am alone here, no job, don`t know where to go and what to do, and how to start again. We never fought,just little misunderstanding sometimes, I was so confident and so secured that he really loved me, i did not have any idea that he will do this to me, bec though we don`t have kids, still we were an ideal couple, that`s why his family and all our friends were so shocked of his behaviour,from one day to another my life changed, without any clue that he will leave me for another girl.That`s why until now i can not moved on and accept the painful truth…….i hope soon i can accept the reality….

  236. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    My heart goes out to you, woundedheart. I do think you should move on, especially since you know he doesn’t love you anymore and he’s not interested in working things out.

    I know how hard it is to let go, and I’m sorry. I wish I could tell you some magic formula that would make your husband come back to you…but there isn’t anything you can do, I don’t think. He’s moved on.

    You need to take care of yourself and move on, too! Read “How to Let Go of Someone You Love” — here’s the link:

    and “Hope for a New Beginning When You Don’t Want to Be Alone”

    I know these articles won’t heal your broken heart, but I encourage you to follow some of the tips. You may not feel like it or think it’ll help, but they are stepping stones to your future.

    Your husband has ruined your marriage — don’t let him ruin your future! You can have a happy, healthy, fulfilling life without him. And one day, you’ll be ready to include a new man in your life.

    Let him go and move on. The only other option is to stay in your begging, pleading, powerless position — and that’s not a good place to be.

    I wish you all the best.


  237. My marriage is in big trouble, my husband does not love me anymore the same way as before because now he is having an affair with his colleague and he loves her more than me. He already told me that our relationship is over and he wants to be with this girl.He does not want to work things out, his decision is final that he wants to leave me now, his mind and his heart is closed, eventhough he will lose his family and friends he does not care, he is so selfish. But me, i am still hoping for a miracle that he will realized that he is making a mistake, but nothing is working whatever i do or say. Should i give him up and move on? But i really love him so much, we dont have kids that is why it is so easy for him to leave me, but we have been together for 7years. I am still deeply in love with him, and so confused …dont really know what to do……

  238. Reen…..I have noticed, they have a “way” of making us feel it’s our fault. I also have found myself in the same situation at times. I have promised myself, however,to never let this bother me again. I am someone, and there is someone out there who will love me exactly the way I am….Same goes for you too!!!! God Bless!

  239. I gave him space and he used the space as an excuse for straying…I hate it that everytime…everything ends up being my mistake….

  240. Such an important topic to cover, Laurie, and great tips. I’m inspired to add on to a couple of these from a metaphysical/spiritual perspective (for some it may be too ‘woo woo’ but it’s worth a try)as that’s the approach I take in my own life and with clients.

    Your first tip – focusing on yourself – is so important and another aspect I’ve found helpful is to focus on loving yourself with the feeling of love. Often we associate having love or feeling love when in relationship with another, thinking that if it ends so does the love, but in reality love is a state of being and a feeling vibration we carry within us and we don’t have to shut it down just because our love partner leaves, we can still keep feeling love by touching into the essence of it within us and allowing it to fill us so we don’t feel unloved anymore.

    The other tip on letting him (or her) go is huge too – especially when it’s really over. What I’ve found that helps in all kinds of relationships when they end, but particularly with romantic love, is to look at the bigger picture. I mean the really, really, big picture beyond what the mind’s intellect can analyze or the body’s emotions can feel, but into that spacious soul place where you see way beyond what the visual eye can see. When we can go into that place (either by being guided by someone, or through centering within, meditating, creative journaling etc.) we see the bigger purpose in the relationship and what the gifts and lessons have been and how it no longer serves us and that this is why it is ending (no matter who is actually ending it).

    When one or both couples don’t see this bigger perspective, it often takes a problem like an affair, huge arguments etc to break the couple apart (or to help them to readjust their relationship), but when seen from this higher spiritual perspective the person can see that it is either time to readjust the relationship or it is time to move on, that they don’t resonate any more, that there is something else for them to move on to that is a better fit. This helps to heal the heart tremendously.

    1. My fiance and I have been together for 3 years and have a 2 year old son together. Well recently, just last night, he told me that he is done and is not going to try anymore. Mind you, this wasn’t just out of the blue. We love together and everything in apartmemts. About a week ago I said something reallt stupid, something that I didn’t mean to say, but I did. He was talking about his career and how he wamts that so bad and all this stuff and I said why are me and aiden(our son) not enough for you….. Ya oops. It just came out of my mouth( I dont always think before I speak) and it was a mistake, I don’t actuallt feel that he feels that way. I know that we sre more than enough, but I still said it. Regardless, then he got rlly upset and told me he was going to go to bed and he was not happy, i felt terrible. I kept trying to make excuses of why i said it and that I didn’t mean it and all this stuff, just making things worse basically. Anyway he ended up getting even madder and told me he is done, doesnt wanna be with me anymore. I freaked out, and I couldnt breathe and I hatex myself, I still do for saying what I said. I made the situation about me… Like I was the victim. He told me he doesnt want me anymore, because Inalways make things about me and I’m not independent or xonfident or strong, career driven, all this stuff(which he is right about). Anyway… Then I just cried for hours…. And he went to bed and so did I finally. I decided the next morning that he was ansolutely right, i saw how unhappy he was and told myself that I will be strong, even though he hated me, that I would be happy, not negative anymore, that I wouldmt yell at our son or be a bully, that I was going to be confident and positive and happy and not so emotional and worrysome. Its beena. Week and a half since that night and I havent been crying at all. I thought that he most likely didnt really mean that he was actually done. Turns out I was wrong. He has been drunk every one of the nights since then and Was acting normla towards me( not lovey dovey necessarily, but still normal) like he was answering my wuestions, talking to me. The first 3 days he wouldnt even look at me or say a word, but the last 3 days he has been actung normla like i said. Anyway he was drunk tho…. But he said he loved me while drunk, we had sex(great sex), he told me I’m the only girl for him, holding my hand a little in bed. And so of course, I thought okay thank God… Everything will be okay. Well last night was halloween and he wasnt able to coke with me and my son trick or treating. He said that i need to get used to him not there always on the holidays and then I said why. And he told me well things with us aren’t reallt working out, so who knows what will happen with the holidays. I was shocked and thrown on the ground by this….. I thought everyhting was gonna be okay now, i was in denial, naieve, but bevause of how he was acting towards me I thought he didnt mean what he said and that We weould be okay, do this just destroyed me, hearing that. He then was texting me telling me that i suck the life out of hik because of how I am as a person, im negstive and always a downer and emotional wreck and all this stuff and said hebused to be happy before our son, but ever since he was born, he hates coming home he drinks a ton because of me. All this stuff and i couldn’t believe what I was hearing…… :'( then i got home and he got home not long after and I asked for a hug… We haven’t kissed or hugged tho since thst night(just had sex like twice) which he said he was using me cuz its not like hes getting it elsewhere and has needs. That broke my heart….. He said that I know where he stands with me and that I wont he getting a hug or kiss maybe never again and then said that st this time we arent together and he doesnt wanna try anymore, doesnt wanna be with someoje like me… Said that if i wanna try and fix things and make myself better and actualky chsnge and fix this relationship(that we arent in? Idk what to think) than I can try and he said good luck to me. Said that our lease is up in january and If i csnt fox it by then. Then bye, he will move out. So basically I have a chance… To fix everything, but I am so scared, can i do it? How do i do it guys? Please help. :'( i love him and we have our son. Also he was drunk last night after this conversation and he was calling me his girl to his online guy friend saying ya dude my girl isnplaying( video games) and then he was laughing and putting my fave in his hand, holdinf my hand. Im confused and scared, please help me know how to fix this. I need answers, i need some guidance. I already and becoming bettter. But how do i work on myself, he said thats the main thing I need to work on…. Is my own issues cuz thats a big part of it. Idk how to do that. Help?

      1. I had a recent breakup not to long ago, and I don’t know how to cope. He says he’s not in love with me but my heart still hurts and yearns for him. We were together for 13 months. I know that’s not long but we went through alot. Some may say it was an unhealthy relationship but deep down in my heart I truly believed he loved me. We both had personal issues, and I always struggled with feeling worthless and used and hurt. He didn’t want to be with me but I was angry that I would still give it to him like a love sick puppy dog. I loved him with every bit and soul of me.
        He told me he has feelings for someone else, I asked him for how long and he told me for 2 months. Yet it was 3 months ago that we broke up (around that time) I felt hurt and betrayed I knew he had feelings for her yet he didn’t realize until we broke up. He also confessed that he gave up on me and didn’t feel the love anymore and he only was intimate with me because he was feeling lonely and he missed the feeling of being wanted.. but in my heart I thought we made love… at least I did.
        A week later I finally dropped him I told him how he made me feel worthless crazy and how he used me and didn’t love me. He truly was a heartless soul.
        Till this day I feel most of our relationship was my fault and I probably did create most of the issues. But I’m hurt thay I gave and loved but got nothing in return. I still love him… I would to to him if I had a chance. I feel stupid for giving into him and letting him use me.
        But we live and we learn.