How do you cope when you feel like everyone is rejecting you? Abandoned by your best friend, betrayed by your husband or boyfriend, rejected by your family members — what to do when you feel like you’re all alone in the world?
“My husband, my best friend and everyone rejected me,” says a She Blossoms reader on What to Remember When You Feel Like No One Cares. “He told me he wants our relationship to be strictly platonic. The person I thought was my friend took away my kids. I had to notify the police to get them back. The woman I thought was my best friend stopped talking to me, calling me a ‘perpetual victim’ and told me to ‘grow up.’ I don’t just feel rejected, alone and unwanted. I AM all alone and unwanted. It’s like God has allowed me to lose everyone and everything I ever cared about.”
Here’s what another She Blossoms reader said: “It is true that we can tell ourselves a victim narrative. However, this does not mean we deserve to be victims. Life will often test our capacity to remain compassionate and to keep qualities that make us human through suffering. Learning to believe in yourself no matter what anyone says is very important. Learning that you and only you can know what is truly in your heart is another key.”
She offered a few more tips on what to do and how to cope with feelings of rejection and abandonment. I like what she said about getting out of a victim mindset. The more we focus on how rejected, abandoned and alone we feel, the deeper we dig into the “victim mindset.” However, I think the reader’s advice is lacking one crucial element: Jesus. When you feel rejected by everyone, the only true source of life, hope, joy and freedom is God.
But what if you feel rejected by God, too? You’re not just dealing with the pain of rejection from a boyfriend, husband, family member or best friend…you feel abandoned by God, too. What do you do then? Where do you turn for help, love, support?
3 Things to Do When You Feel Rejected by Everyone
Yesterday I wrote A Simple Way to Return to God to help Christian women ignite the fire of their fading faith. That blog post was inspired by Leviticus 11; I’m working on a She Blossoms Through the Bible project. Today’s article is rooted in Leviticus 12…and in my reader’s story about rejection, victimhood, and hopelessness.
1. Refuse to live in the pain of rejection
In Leviticus 12 God told Moses how the Israelites were to deal with pregnancy and childbirth. The new mother was unclean, and had to undergo purification and isolation from friends and family. A burnt offering had to be sacrificed before she could find atonement and cleanliness. What stood out to me — thanks to the Jewish Study Bible — was the danger of remaining in the unhappy state longer than necessary. The sin was failing to dispose of the uncleanliness, of allowing the contamination to remain and spread. Getting pregnant and having a baby was natural and good, but the new mom and baby had to be set apart until it was time to rejoin the clan. This persevered the heath of both mother and child, gave them a chance to bond, and allowed them to rest before re-entering the world. The burnt offering was a symbol of new life.
How long have you been living in the pit of despair? When you feel rejected by everyone it’s tempting to drown in feelings of loneliness, abandonment, bitterness, misery, self-pity, and even self-hatred. It’s easy to passively allow rejection to swallow you up and crush your spirits — especially if you’re struggling with depression or an emotional health issue. But no matter how easy it is to keep feeling rejected by everyone, it is crucial to realize that the real danger is staying in the pit of despair.
2. Face the truth about yourself
Leviticus 12 makes it crystal clear why new Israelite mothers were supposed to remain in purification for a period of time after childbirth (33 days if she gave birth to a girl, and 66 days if she had a boy). God gave Moses specific, detailed guidelines not just in Leviticus 12 about childbirth, burnt offerings and atonement, but though most of the Pentateuch. God openly and honestly told Moses the truth about how He wanted the Israelites to live in ancient times. In the New Testament and modern life today, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit tell the truth to Christian believers about how to live in freedom, joy, peace and love.
You can’t deal with feelings of rejection unless you face the truth about yourself. My first She Blossoms reader said her husband rejected her. Another person reported her to child protective services, and her best friend said she’s stuck in a victim mindset and needs to grow up. At least one of those people — who are all close to this woman and know her well — are telling the truth. But this woman is consumed by her despair. She refuses to face the truth about herself and her life. Instead she’s spending her time and energy searching the internet for tips on coping with feelings of rejection when everyone leaves, betrays, abandons you.
3. Talk to God about why He created you
As I read the book of Leviticus I marvel at how Moses, Aaron and other priests knew what God called them to do. Moses heard God’s voice, and shared the purification routine for new mothers after childbirth in chapter 12. Earlier in the Old Testament — in Exodus 31 and 32, which I wrote about in If You’re a Christian, Why Aren’t You Happy? — Bezalel knew he was called to be a craftsman of very big talent. Miriam wasn’t just Moses’ sister, she was a prophetess who led the Israelites in a beautiful song of joy and celebration in Exodus 15. Some of us know exactly why God created us and what He wants us to do with our lives! How wonderful for them.
Get curious about what God created you to do on this earth! Yes, you feel rejected by everyone right now — but your feelings can be temporary if you choose to learn and grow through this season of your life. Face the truth about what you did to create this state of loneliness. You did something — and that’s good news! Because it gives you power to do something else. Facing the truth about yourself is painful, but it is a healthy step toward coping with feelings of rejection and abandonment. Then you can start healing your wounds (and perhaps heal the hurt you may have caused or seen). Then you can start getting curious about why God created you and what He put you on this earth to do.
There is no one right answer or quick tips on the “what to do when I feel rejected by everyone?” question. All I can do is encourage you to get quiet. Be still. Look up, and return the gaze of God. Find out more about Jesus Christ. Learn how the Holy Spirit can strengthen and empower you through the darkest times of your life — even when you feel so rejected by everyone you think you’ll never survive. Trust your Father God, for He loves you more than you know.
With His love,
P.S. If you even feel rejected by Jesus, read How to Love God Even When He Let You Down.