How to Deal With Your Fear of Being Alone

Your fear of being alone is powerful, and can keep you trapped in an unhealthy relationship, bad job, or difficult situation. But the good news is that there is something even more powerful than your fear of being alone…

“I have been married for six years and it was never a smooth relationship,” says Michelle on How to End a Relationship When You’re Scared to Be Alone. “My spouse is inconsiderate, irresponsible, and cold-hearted…I am pregnant right now and want to break up with my husband, but I am scared of moving ahead. I work for the IT industry as a programmer and it’s not my cup of tea. I would like to change my profession but I’m scared of earning less because right now I earn a good income. If I change my profession to something I am passionate about, I’m sure I won’t earn this much. But I can’t take the stress at work. Plus, I would have the responsibility of raising my child alone if I divorce my partner. Health is another factor; my family has a genetic history of diabetes and eye problems. I am scared that if I fall sick someday and can’t earn money, who will feed me? I don’t know how to deal with my fear of being alone, please advise me on these issues so I can move on. I feel totally helpless.”

She’s dealing with a lot more than “just” a fear of being alone – and I suspect you are, too. Our fears of moving ahead into an unknown future are never about just one thing. Here, I’ll tell you the most powerful way I know of dealing with fears of uncertainty, alone-ness, and faith to face your future.

“When we resist change, we resist life’s natural movement toward more, life’s natural tendency to expand, to unfold,” says Barbara deAnglis, author of Soul Shifts: Transformative Wisdom for Creating a Life of Authentic Awakening, Emotional Freedom & Practical Spirituality. “When we resist change, we are in essence trying to make life stand still. And nothing could be more unnatural.”

Awesome, Barbara! But it’s easy to say we should embrace change…and much more difficult to actually deal with our fears of life changes that lead to us being alone.

3 Powerful Ways to Deal With Fear of Being Alone

Here on SheBlossoms, I focus on the four most important parts of your self that help you reach upwards and inwards: Creative You, Healthy You, Connected You, and Daring You. As you grow stronger and healthier in those four areas, you will find it easier to navigate rocky relationships and make good decisions for you and the people in your life.

Today, we’re focusing on Creative You.

1. Create the vision you have in your head and heart

The last time I dyed my hair at home, I accidentally got a few drops of black hair dye on the pale pink wall in my bathroom.

I suggested to my husband that I paint flowers on the wall, to cover up the hair dye. He frowned, his brow furrowed. “Why not just paint over the drops with the same pale pink paint?” he asked. “What if the flowers don’t turn out?”

How to Deal With Your Fear of Being Alone

How to Deal With Your Fear of Being Alone

Indeed. What if it doesn’t turn out? What if my painted flowers look childish, stupid, ugly, or boring?

So I didn’t paint the flowers I wanted…until my husband left for a month of work in the Yukon. After being alone for a week, my oil paints marched out! My paint brushes soldiered their way downstairs and lined themselves up on the counter! Different visions of flowers, colors, hybrids, and bouquets set up camp in my head.

So I painted flowers on the wall in our bathroom. And I love the result.

Is creating my own wall art the same as making the difficult choice to leave your spouse, raise your child as a single parent, and face the future alone? Nope. But, the lesson is the same: we need to let go of the fear of creating what we want in our lives, and grasp onto our faith and courage that even if life doesn’t turn out the way we hope, we will be able to handle whatever comes our way.

The most powerful way to deal with your fear of being alone is to look upwards and inwards – not outwards or forwards. Don’t focus on what could go wrong, or how scary it is to be alone. Don’t create problems that don’t exist, or worry about scary things that could happen.

Remember that learning how to adjust to being alone is a process that takes time. You can’t control what will happen as a result of your choices, so you must choose to put down your fear.

2. Focus not on your fear of being alone, but on…

What do you want to create in your life? I know! You want to be happy, healthy, whole, and peaceful, right? You want to live a life you’re passionate about – and you want to know how to deal with your fear of being alone. You want to live in freedom and truth, light and authenticity. You want to Blossom.

So, focus on what you want to achieve in your life. If you want connection and healthy relationships, start pursuing those. If you want a job you’re passionate about, focus on finding it. Stop concentrating on your fears – for the more you think about them, the bigger and stronger they’ll get. Stop focusing on “what if this, what if that”, and start taking action towards the vision you have of your life.

Go ahead, paint flowers on your walls. Let go of the outcome of your actions. What’s the worst that can happen? You realize you made a mistake, and you clean it up. ALL your mistakes can be remedied, so don’t fear making a mistake. Instead, be afraid of living in fear, misery, and shackles.

3. Look upwards and inwards

“So do not fear, for I am with you,” God said to Israel in Isaiah 41:10. “Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

How to Deal With Your Fear of Being Alone

How to Deal With Your Fear of Being Alone

Listen to still small voice, for it is telling you what you need to do. It’s whispering, that still small voice, it’s saying that you need to stop being scared of being alone. You need to learn how to trust the power, love, and majesty of the Lord your God, who created you and loves you more than you’ll ever know.

Take a deep breath. Turn your face upwards. Open your heart. Give God time to saturate your soul and fill your spirit with His reassurance, love, and hope.

The most powerful way to deal with your fear of being alone is to look upwards and inwards – not outwards or forwards. Don’t focus on what could go wrong, or how scary it is to be alone. Don’t create problems that don’t exist, or worry about scary things that could happen.

Flowers can only Blossom when they relax and let go.

What to Do Next

Climb one mountain at a time. If you’re dealing with a handful or two of decisions or problems, set them all down. Decide which one is most pressing. If you’re pregnant and in a bad marriage and struggling with a job you don’t like but need, then decide which situation you need to take care of first. Perhaps you’ll have to make the sacrifice of staying in a job you don’t love, so you can create a happy and healthy home life for your child. You need to make this choice – and part of your choice has to be that you will deal with your fear of being alone by not feeding it.

Focus on what you can control and change. You have no control over the future, so there’s no point in fearing it. Take charge of your thoughts. Choose to act on the things you can change, and let go of the rest.

Deepen your relationship with God. Not only is He the most powerful way to deal with your fear of being alone, He is the ONLY way to live in peace, joy, security, and freedom! That hole you feel in your soul? It’s the absence of God. Fill your soul hole with Him, and you’ll be filled with so much light and love you won’t have any desire to think about your fears, anxieties, or worries.

Read 10 Ways to Figure Out What to Do With Your Life.

While I can’t offer advice, I do read every comment. I encourage you to tell me what you think of my most powerful way to deal with your fear of being alone. Respond to other readers’ comments if you feel led, and share your experience.


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4 thoughts on “How to Deal With Your Fear of Being Alone”

  1. My husband left me after 25 years together. I’m fine with the divorce because it wasn’t that great of a marriage to begin with. I never should have married him but I was scared to be alone. Now, I’m in the same boat. But now I’m 50 instead of 25 years old!! So my way of dealing with my fear of being alone backfired. Now, how do I cope with anxiety about making another mistake and about being alone for the rest of my life?

  2. Can ALL mistakes be remedied? If you leave your partner and find it isn’t so great on your own, you can’t always go back, can you? He may not take you back, and you are left alone, trying to cope, trying to find your way. We make mistakes, we learn from them but we can’t always remedy them.

  3. Thank you Emily, I really appreciate your thoughts. God is probably the most powerful way to deal with the fear of being alone – our normal fear of the future – but I think He is often overlooked! Sometimes it’s hard to see past our loneliness…but if we develop the habit of clinging to God when we’re scared and lonely, we will experience peace that surpasses all understanding.

    In Christ, there’s no place I’d rather be!


  4. What an awesome and encouraging post, thank you. There have been times in life where i have felt so lonely but God has come and loved me. Then sometimes I feel so fearful about the future but knowing God is with me helps me to keep going (Josh 1:9). Thanks for sharing about your life and how you are embracing it despite the challenges you have had.