You want a deep, lasting love that doesn’t just make you happy. You want love that fills you with joy, peace, and security. You want love that lasts, that never dies. This isn’t just the love you want…it’s the love you need to be happy and healthy.
How do you get the love you want and need to be happy? Is it possible to find a true, deep source of love that never fails, never gives up, and never runs out?
You better believe it! Here, you’ll find three tips for getting the love you want, the security you need, and the comfort you crave. You don’t have to buy a “getting the love you want” program or sign up for an online course on how to find love. You don’t need to learn how to prepare your heart to fall in love again. You don’t need to wander the world searching for a soulmate. But you do need to invest one thing if you want love.
Getting the love you want — and need — requires an investment of your heart. True, deep, lasting love demands time, commitment, energy, and a decision to hold on to the relationship regardless of what happens. This is unconditional love, and it’s only type of love that will fill you with joy, peace, and comfort.
But this kind of love doesn’t come from people. Getting the love you want requires you to look beyond your human relationships, furry friends, and most beloved dreams.
How to Get the Love You Want
There are three simple steps to getting the love you want:
- Define the type of love you want
- Face the truth about your life
- Ask for help
Getting the love you want will make you happy — but only if it’s the right type of love. Finding security and comfort will change your life — but only if you learn the difference between temporary and permanent sources of love.
This article is part of my She Blossoms Through the Bible project, and is inspired by Genesis 27. This chapter tells the story of Jacob cheating his brother Esau out of their father Isaac’s blessing. I first mentioned Jacob and Esau in What You Need to Remember When Life Isn’t Fair…but I may not have mentioned how badly Jacob wanted his father’s love, approval, and blessing.
1. Define the type of love you want
Jacob lied to his dad, cheated his brother, and conspired with his deceitful mother for a reason: he wanted his father’s love, approval, security, and recognition. He already stole Esau’s birthright of prosperity and wealth (Genesis 25). Now in Genesis 27 Jacob wanted to steal his brother’s blessing, too. It’s easy and tempting to paint Jacob as a sly, underhanded trickster who would do anything to get what he wanted. But what if he was just a man who needed and wanted his father Isaac’s love? What if Jacob was motivated by his yearning for security, approval, and recognition from the most important man in his life?
You need love because you’re normal. There’s nothing wrong with trying to get the love you want. But you will go astray if you search for the wrong types of love in your life. You’ll get hurt — and you’ll hurt or even destroy others’ lives — if you forge ahead blindly, not knowing what kind of love you need to be truly happy. So, my first tip on how to get the love you want is to define what you need.
2. Face the truth about your life
Genesis 27 is the culmination of Isaac and Rebekah’s biggest parenting mistake: they played favorites. “Isaac loved Esau because he had a taste for wild game, but Rebekah loved Jacob.” (Genesis 25:28). This blatant favoritism — so obvious it was recorded in the Bible — created such a bad case of sibling rivalry that it destroyed the relationship between Jacob and Esau. Jacob was especially affected by the lack of love and attention he received from his dad. Instead of facing the truth about his life and dealing with his issues, he stole. He lied. He cheated. Jacob destroyed his relationships with his brother, father, and even his mother because he didn’t know how to get the love he wanted.
What type of love is missing in your life? Maybe your parents couldn’t or didn’t give you the love you needed and wanted. Maybe your husband died or divorced you. Maybe your boyfriend betrayed you or broke up with you. Maybe you never had children…or your children can’t or don’t love you the way you want. There are so many different types of love in this world, and so many different ways to get the love we want and need! The key is to face the truth about your life. What kind of love do you want? Why do you need it? How will it change your life? Take time to work through these questions; your answers will give you the insight and self-awareness you need to find healthy, lasting love.
If you keep finding yourself in unhealthy relationships with men, read How to Stop Falling in Love With the Wrong Guy.
3. Ask for help
Here’s what stood out to me in Genesis 27: when Jacob was deceiving his father Isaac, he (Isaac) knew something was wrong. His “Spidey senses” were tingling, he sensed something wasn’t quite right with the man who stood before him and claimed to be his son. Isaac questioned Jacob and revealed his skepticism. What, I wonder, would have happened if Isaac stopped to ask God for help? What if he asked for the wisdom to discern what to do in this situation? Maybe Isaac would’ve been given insight into the sibling rivalry between his sons. Maybe he would’ve realized that Jacob always wanted his love and approval. Maybe Isaac wouldn’t have given his blessing to the wrong son. Isaac had his doubts, but he didn’t stop to ask for help. And Jacob received the “love” he wanted but his family relationships were ruined.
Who is helping you find the love you want? I’m not talking about a relationship coach, dating site, or “getting the love you want” program (which I know exist!). I’m talking about finding a true, deep, eternal source of love that supersedes all other types of love. I’m talking about seeking the love of God, of building a personal relationship with Jesus. If He is the foundation of your life, then you’re in a healthy place to look for the love you want from people. If God is your resting place, your rock and hope, then you don’t have to rely on the love of your family, marriage, children, people or pets. You have all you need in Him…and the rest is icing on the cake.
If you don’t know what this means, find out. I’m not talking about going to church or reading your Bible every day. I’m talking about getting the love you desperately want and need from God. He created you, He is calling you, and He loves you more than your parents or spouse or children ever could.
Your thoughts — big and little — are welcome below!
With His love,
P.S. Are you struggling to make a decision or find the right path in your life? Read an Easy Way to Stop Overthinking God’s Will for Your Life.