How to Live After You Lose Your Soulmate

You may feel like you can’t go on when you lose your soulmate  — whether it was due to death, divorce, or a difficult breakup. You feel the loss in your heart, stomach, and soul. Your soulmate was part of you, your daily life and identity…how do you keep going?

“Remember to be heroically patient with yourself,” writes Alan Wolfelt in When Your Soulmate Dies: A Guide to Healing Through Heroic Mourning. “For grieving soulmates, this tends to be a mourning need that you can only begin to take on substantively after months (and possibly years) of acknowledging the reality of the death and embracing the pain of the loss.”

You will come through this. You will get to the other side of these intense feelings of grief and pain. Losing your soulmate changes you and your life forever, but you will start to feel joy and hope again. Here, you’ll find a few ideas on how to keep going after losing the love of your life…your soulmate.

Yesterday I wrote Are You My Soulmate? How to Recognize Lasting Love. One thing I failed to mention in that article was the sadness of losing the love of your life. The only downside of finding your soulmate is letting him go.

Life After the Loss of Your Soulmate

I wish I had a magic list of tips to heal your heart — and I bet you wish that, too! But the truth is that there is no blog post or book that will erase the pain of losing your soulmate. Nothing you read will bring the love of your life back, or restore the happiness you once had.

But, here you’ll find hope, encouragement, and faith. You may even find a tip or two that might ease the pain. You may even start to feel the glimmer of hope that you’re not alone, and your life still has meaning, purpose, and love…

Take a deep breath

Your whole life has changed. Your world has been rocked — shattered, even. You may feel like you’ll never recover from the loss or survive the grief you feel. The core of who you are has changed; you’re no longer the wife, girlfriend, or life partner you once were.

Losing your soulmate is one of the most painful experiences of your life. Not only are you grieving the love of your life, you’re also left wondering who you are without him. Give yourself time to adjust to the idea that you aren’t the woman you were with him, and you don’t know who you’ll be now that he’s gone. 

Learn about loss and grief

Your grief isn’t like anyone else’s grief. The loss of your soulmate isn’t like someone else’s loss — there is no comparing grief or heartache.

How to Keep Going When You Lose Your SoulmateBut if you learn how other people experience loss and how they get through grief, you’ll find ways to move forward. Reading other people’s stories, connecting with fellow widows or survivors will help you learn how to keep going after losing your soulmate.

I’m writing a book to help women walk through loss, tentatively called Rise: How to Move Forward When Your Heart Keeps Looking Back. Each chapter is based on a Biblical woman’s life because every woman in the Bible experienced loss, grief, and pain of some type. Nobody escaped it, because loss is part of living in this world. The more I write and think about how these women coped with loss, the more peace, acceptance, and freedom I have.

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Just knowing that we’ve been struggling with death and loss since the Garden of Eden gives me faith, hope, and love. We’re all in this together. God loves us, He created us, and He hasn’t abandoned us. 

We don’t know why bad things happen, why we have to lose our loved ones…but we know He exists. And, we know He loves us so much He sent Jesus to die for us. And, we know He grieved His own loss…and this can help us grieve our own losses.

Start breaking free of old habits

If you and your soulmate cooked dinner together every night or texted throughout the day, find ways to change your routine. You and he had traditions, rituals, ways of living that shaped your daily life — that’s part of living with the love of your life! But now that he’s gone, it’s time to reshape your routine.

Look at the habits you and your soulmate formed as a couple. What did you do together? Who were you, where did you go, how did you related to each other and others? You might want to keep going to those places with the same people…or you might want to gently break free and start a new routine.

Choose to look up in faith and hope

You are not alone. The pain you feel over losing your soulmate isn’t a sign that God doesn’t exist, or that He doesn’t care about you. Soulmates are a gift from God, a blessing that not everyone experiences. The soulmate relationship is a treasure that we cherish when we have it, and we surrender when it’s gone.

God gave you the gift of a soulmate, and He allowed your soulmate to be taken from you. You may never learn why you had to experience this loss…but if you hold on to the fact that God knows things you don’t know and is allowing your life to unfold this way for a purpose, you may find it easier to keep going.

Take your pain to Jesus. He is here, waiting for you. He brought you right here, right now, for a reason.

Pour out the grief you feel — and the anger, bitterness, disappointment, loneliness. Get all the hurt out of you, keep pouring it out until you feel empty and drained. That’s when the miracle will happen: He will start to fill you up with hope, faith, peace, and acceptance. Little by little, God will fill your spirit with His love.

Learn how to “mourn heroically”

How to Keep Going When You Lose Your SoulmateIn When Your Soulmate Dies: A Guide to Healing Through Heroic Mourning, Alan Wolfelt describes the pain – and the hope – of learning how to keep going when you lose your soulmate.

“Because your soulmate grief is larger than life, it will take larger-than-life mourning to move it toward reconciliation,” says Wolfelt. “It will take what I’m calling heroic mourning.”

In When Your Soulmate Dies, he helps readers embrace the pain of loss, remember their soulmates, and develop a new self-identity. Wolfelt also encourages readers to search for meaning and receive ongoing support from others.

This book will help you muster the courage you need to move forward in your life with grace, purpose, and joy.

How are you doing? Feel free to share your experience in the comments section below. You could honor your soulmate by sharing memories, or say a prayer, or express your honest feelings about how sad you feel.

If your faith is shattered because you lost your soulmate, read Trusting God After a Heartbreaking Loss.

May you find hope and healing after your loss. May you feel your soulmate’s presence even now, even when you aren’t sure of anything but your own pain. May you find comfort and peace in Jesus — the comfort and peace that surpasses all understanding.

Do you need relationship help? Get Mort Fertel's 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage. It's helpful - and free!


My Books - She Blossoms

Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back She Blossoms Laurie Pawlik
Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back - to help you walk through loss into a new season of life. I share glimpses into my life with a schizophrenic mother, living in foster homes, teaching in Africa, and coping with infertility. Woven through the book are practical, encouraging Blossom Tips to help you grow and flourish!

How to Let Go of Someone You Love She Blossoms Laurie Pawlik

How to Let Go of Someone You Love - Powerful Secrets (and Practical Tips!) for Healing Your Heart After a Breakup. Do you feel like you'll never get over your broken heart? This ebook - available immediately - will help you heal. It's time to let go of what was, and embrace what will be.

When You Miss Him Like Crazy She Blossoms Laurie Pawlik

When You Miss Him Like Crazy - 25 Lessons to Move You From Broken to Blossoming After a Breakup! You miss him desperately right now, but you won't always feel this way. This warm, comforting ebook will give you the tools, encouragement and strength you need to move through the pain and start blossoming - today!

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14 thoughts on “How to Live After You Lose Your Soulmate

  • ChrisM

    If anyone reads this they may have no sympathy for me but love is love so here goes: it’s been one year since my soulmate left my life. He’s not dead. He’s alive and about 40 minutes away from me. Thing is, he’s married. We had a soulmate love affair for 2 years. His marriage was not working decades before he pursued me. He was about to leave and BAM- he had a stroke that left him unable to communicate in any way with me. In order to protect him during this time, I have not done anything to put his marriage in jeopardy. It’s true love when you step back for the sake of another person even though every fiber of your being wants to help and know what’s going on. He’s only 57. A trial attorney. I cannot fathom what he is dealing with and it has killed my heart and soul not being able to help him. He always said I was his sunshine. He never liked being home. He has lost his independence. This situation has torn me into bits. I am just starting to put the pieces back but it’s slow. I never thought it would be this long before I heard from him. I am shocked that I’m still a mess. Unfinished business. We wanted to start a life together. It’s hard to describe dealing with ambiguous loss. He’s alive but it’s like he’s dead. I have read all the comments and my heart goes out to all of you. You could say I’m lucky because there’s always a chance I’ll see him again but he’ll never be the same man he was prior to the stroke. Life is truly unfair.

  • Tony

    My name is Tony. My wife went to Heaven on January 6, 2019 and I’ve just not been the same. She beat cancer by going to Heaven. We have a daughter who is 27. She’s coping with this much better than I am. I’m a pastor and a corporate technical trainer, so for the past 20 years my job has been to talk. But I can’t anymore. My voice is gone. I don’t talk to anyone. My wife and I closed our church some years ago and with her gone I’m alone for the first time. I really questioned Jesus and my faith when this happened. I’m better now but I still struggle each day. I just want to be with her right now. I’m 47 years old and I wish I could leave this earth right now.

  • Chelsea

    I am 35 years old. I lost my soulmate 16 years ago to a rare heart condition. I am half of the person I used to be. It still hurts today. I am married, but was never able to love again. My husband (of 12 years) feels it. He wants me to love him, but I am not able to feel that way about him. He has been incredibly patient. I love parts of him, but it’s just not the same.

    Were you able to love after your loss? Do you have any advice?

    …from my heart to yours.


  • Christina

    I still live with him because of our child. We broke up October 29th. I still feel sad no matter what I do; I cannot shake this feeling. I do not enjoy things anymore. It is the holiday season and I feel no joy. I put on a brave face for my child, but, the joy was zapped out of me that afternoon. I love him still the same even though he broke up with me and said that he fell out love with me. It is slowly eating away at me.

  • Audrey Stringer

    My husband, lover, Soulmate my everything died on 24th August 2018. He was 85 years old. I am 75 years old. My life has collapsed around me and am now in a dark pit of despair. My Faith is in crisis and all that I now long for is death to swallow me up so that my darling husband and I can be together in eternity. There will never be joy in my life again. My grief is almost unbearable and when I have needed God, more than any other time of my life, he is nowhere to be found. However am I to survive such pain?

    • Laurie Post author

      I’m so sorry for your loss, Audrey. It must be so hard for you, especially when you miss your soulmate and husband with such intensity. I wish I had words to help you feel better or lighten your grief…but I know there are no words. When you lose your soulmate, it really does feel like you can’t live anymore.

      I get What’s Your Grief email newsletters….today’s article is called When Grief Goes From Just Plain Miserable to Problematic

      I don’t know if it’ll help you, but it helped others.

      How are you spending your days? I know nothing really eases the pain. How are you today?

      With love from Canada,

      • Audrey

        Thank you Laurie for your kind words. I get up in the morning in tears, get dressed then go to my wonderful friend who lives near me. I come home for lunch and then if the silence in my home becomes too much I then go back to my friends for a while. In the evenings I stare at the television but don’t usually see what is on this. No one can prepare us for such agonising grief of losing one’s spouse and my loss and grief has changed me as a person. I am no longer judgemental. I long for the time when I am supposed to be “feeling better, as you will”. For now I cannot see beyond my grief.

    • Chelsea

      Hello Audrey,

      It has been 16 years for me. I took it one day at a time. One minute at a time. I felt so alone, so isolated. I was very young when it happened, I was so lost. Some days the only thing keeping me here was just the thought that I might not be able to see him if I chose to take my own life; that I would not be able to see him when I died, as some sort of punishment. Know that he still loves you, that he is watching over you and he is with you all of the time. Look for signs that he is trying to communicate with you….for me it was songs on the radio, a rainbow, a beautiful sunny day, just a day that felt like he was there. Talk to him, he hears you! Feel his love from the other side, it’s still there. Just breathe. Cry, it is a form of release, I cried for months, still do sometimes. Find little things that make you happy, try to focus on the positive. Cherish the memories you have and the time you had together.

      I also had to see a psychic medium to keep me looking forward and to clearly understand what he wanted me to know.

  • Coby Williams

    I was with my soulmate, Gavin for 26 year’s and knew at 14 the minute I laid eyes on him, that he was it for me, I didn’t bother with anyone else, I let him know he was all my heart, body, mind & soul wanted, it was like nothing I’d ever experienced in my short life, and at the time, I didn’t know about soulmates, how could I? I was only 13 when I first seen him.
    Just before my 15th birthday, at the age of 14, he was mine, a love so strong my heart hurt at the thought of not being able to keep him.
    From our first time together, he was my other half, protector, lover, best friend and clyde to my bonnie, we went on to have 3 beautiful daughter’s who, also didn’t leave his side, they were all Daddy’s little girl’s and he was like no other father I’ve ever known, he took his girl’s everywhere and after 26 years together, and some life changing events, he slipped into a depression as did I and, I wasn’t able to save him from himself, something I’ll never forgive myself for.
    He comitted suicide, drunk with a mix of his prescription medicines, and life as I knew it was never the same.
    It’s coming up to 2 year’s without him and I am still the same as the day he died, I don’t eat, shower or leave the house, I stay in my Pajamas all day, and have no idea how to move forwards, I want so badly to follow him, but I just won’t ruin our girl’s, so I just exist for them, not live as I’ve forgotten how too and I am just a shell of the women I once was, I’m only 40 year’s old and wonder how in the world am I supposed to go on, for another 40 odd year’s without my soulmate, because, I’m living a nightmare, broken and shattered beyond recognition.
    All the friends I once had are all gone, I am alone besides my girl’s and instead of being their for them, they are having to be their for me.
    I’m letting them down and feel that they would be better off without me, but I know deep down I’ll turn them into me if I leave.

    • Audrey

      Hello Coby

      I have been a widow since 24th August 2018 but it feels much longer. I am beyond devastated at the loss of my husband and Soulmate. We had been married for 44 years. His health had been deteriorating for about two years and finally succomed to cancer and Sepsis after a brave fight. I feel that my life is over and I yearn to be with him for eternity. Many folk tell me that I will, eventually, feel better in myself and that life will have some meaning again. For now, where is God when I need him? My Faith is in crisis and doubt that this will ever recover from what has just happened to me. You are not alone in your suffering and when we have nothing else we have hope.

  • Jimmy

    I have been divorced 2 times.I was married 15 yrs the first time and infedility ended it.Married 7 yrs the 2nd time and she left…said I didnt try to make enough money so she could stay at home.I went neary 6 years before I started dating.I always felt like I would know the one when I met her.One night on a dating site I randomly met her…my heart instantly told. Me she was the one I had been waiting for.We hit it off from the very start,better than anyone I had ever been with…I felt my prayers had finally been answered…life was good and we were both happy…planned on getting married by the following spring.I dont know what happened but after months of happiness she left.everytime we were together we had the best of times,never argued,just enjoyed each other…so now I’m lost and confused…my heart told me she was the one.I feel like my heart lied to me and God just let me think He finally answered my prayers.I have tried moving on,but cant .Everytime I’m with someone else,My heart yearns for her.I feel like I’ll go to my grave with her on my mind…I have prayed and seatched for answers,only to find complete silence from the one who promises to help and be with me…his word saysHe cares but so far in matters of the heart I’ve had nothing but hurt and let downs…so much for the promise of our needs being met

    • Chelsea

      Hi Jimmy,

      My thoughts after reading your story is that perhaps she was afraid of true love, scared of it for some reason; maybe she did not think that she deserved it. Were you ever able to find out why she left, could you talk to her to find out what went wrong? Keep your head up, keep searching for your love.

  • Bea

    My soulmate was taken from me on nov 16 lost and dont see my way thru all this darkness and pain..I wish God would reveal to me HOW this is supposed to help me live a joyful life when all i feel is pain and sadness..I miss My Ron. We were supposed to be married in Spring and in Spain

    • Laurie Post author

      I’m so sorry for your loss, Bea. You and Ron had a beautiful life planned, to be together in marriage…and now he’s gone. I can’t imagine the depth of grief and pain you must feel. I wish I had the right words to say, that could be a soothing balm to ease the pain in your spirit and soul.

      If you’d like to share memories of you and Ron, please feel free to tell me all about him! Sometimes writing through the pain can help, after you lose a soulmate.

      In sympathy, with listening ears,