You may feel like you can’t go on when you lose your soulmate — whether it was due to death, divorce, or a difficult breakup. You feel the loss in your heart, stomach, and soul. Your soulmate was part of you, your daily life and identity…how do you keep going?
“Remember to be heroically patient with yourself,” writes Alan Wolfelt in When Your Soulmate Dies: A Guide to Healing Through Heroic Mourning. “For grieving soulmates, this tends to be a mourning need that you can only begin to take on substantively after months (and possibly years) of acknowledging the reality of the death and embracing the pain of the loss.”
You will come through this. You will get to the other side of these intense feelings of grief and pain. Losing your soulmate changes you and your life forever, but you will start to feel joy and hope again. Here, you’ll find a few ideas on how to keep going after losing the love of your life…your soulmate.
Yesterday I wrote Are You My Soulmate? How to Recognize Lasting Love. One thing I failed to mention in that article was the sadness of losing the love of your life. The only downside of finding your soulmate is letting him go.
Life After the Loss of Your Soulmate
I wish I had a magic list of tips to heal your heart — and I bet you wish that, too! But the truth is that there is no blog post or book that will erase the pain of losing your soulmate. Nothing you read will bring the love of your life back, or restore the happiness you once had.
But, here you’ll find hope, encouragement, and faith. You may even find a tip or two that might ease the pain. You may even start to feel the glimmer of hope that you’re not alone, and your life still has meaning, purpose, and love…
Take a deep breath
Your whole life has changed. Your world has been rocked — shattered, even. You may feel like you’ll never recover from the loss or survive the grief you feel. The core of who you are has changed; you’re no longer the wife, girlfriend, or life partner you once were.
Losing your soulmate is one of the most painful experiences of your life. Not only are you grieving the love of your life, you’re also left wondering who you are without him. Give yourself time to adjust to the idea that you aren’t the woman you were with him, and you don’t know who you’ll be now that he’s gone.
Learn about loss and grief
Your grief isn’t like anyone else’s grief. The loss of your soulmate isn’t like someone else’s loss — there is no comparing grief or heartache.
But if you learn how other people experience loss and how they get through grief, you’ll find ways to move forward. Reading other people’s stories, connecting with fellow widows or survivors will help you learn how to keep going after losing your soulmate.
I’m writing a book to help women walk through loss, tentatively called Rise: How to Move Forward When Your Heart Keeps Looking Back. Each chapter is based on a Biblical woman’s life because every woman in the Bible experienced loss, grief, and pain of some type. Nobody escaped it, because loss is part of living in this world. The more I write and think about how these women coped with loss, the more peace, acceptance, and freedom I have.
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Just knowing that we’ve been struggling with death and loss since the Garden of Eden gives me faith, hope, and love. We’re all in this together. God loves us, He created us, and He hasn’t abandoned us.
We don’t know why bad things happen, why we have to lose our loved ones…but we know He exists. And, we know He loves us so much He sent Jesus to die for us. And, we know He grieved His own loss…and this can help us grieve our own losses.
Start breaking free of old habits
If you and your soulmate cooked dinner together every night or texted throughout the day, find ways to change your routine. You and he had traditions, rituals, ways of living that shaped your daily life — that’s part of living with the love of your life! But now that he’s gone, it’s time to reshape your routine.
Look at the habits you and your soulmate formed as a couple. What did you do together? Who were you, where did you go, how did you related to each other and others? You might want to keep going to those places with the same people…or you might want to gently break free and start a new routine.
Choose to look up in faith and hope
You are not alone. The pain you feel over losing your soulmate isn’t a sign that God doesn’t exist, or that He doesn’t care about you. Soulmates are a gift from God, a blessing that not everyone experiences. The soulmate relationship is a treasure that we cherish when we have it, and we surrender when it’s gone.
God gave you the gift of a soulmate, and He allowed your soulmate to be taken from you. You may never learn why you had to experience this loss…but if you hold on to the fact that God knows things you don’t know and is allowing your life to unfold this way for a purpose, you may find it easier to keep going.
Take your pain to Jesus. He is here, waiting for you. He brought you right here, right now, for a reason.
Pour out the grief you feel — and the anger, bitterness, disappointment, loneliness. Get all the hurt out of you, keep pouring it out until you feel empty and drained. That’s when the miracle will happen: He will start to fill you up with hope, faith, peace, and acceptance. Little by little, God will fill your spirit with His love.
Learn how to “mourn heroically”
In When Your Soulmate Dies: A Guide to Healing Through Heroic Mourning, Alan Wolfelt describes the pain – and the hope – of learning how to keep going when you lose your soulmate.
“Because your soulmate grief is larger than life, it will take larger-than-life mourning to move it toward reconciliation,” says Wolfelt. “It will take what I’m calling heroic mourning.”
In When Your Soulmate Dies, he helps readers embrace the pain of loss, remember their soulmates, and develop a new self-identity. Wolfelt also encourages readers to search for meaning and receive ongoing support from others.
This book will help you muster the courage you need to move forward in your life with grace, purpose, and joy.
How are you doing? Feel free to share your experience in the comments section below. You could honor your soulmate by sharing memories, or say a prayer, or express your honest feelings about how sad you feel.
If your faith is shattered because you lost your soulmate, read Trusting God After a Heartbreaking Loss.
May you find hope and healing after your loss. May you feel your soulmate’s presence even now, even when you aren’t sure of anything but your own pain. May you find comfort and peace in Jesus — the comfort and peace that surpasses all understanding.
Laurie's "She Blossoms" Books
Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back offers hope, encouragement, and strength for women walking through loss. My Blossom Tips are fresh and practical - they stem from my own experiences with a schizophrenic mother, foster homes, a devastating family estrangement, and infertility.
How to Let Go of Someone You Love: Powerful Secrets (and Practical Tips!) for Healing Your Heart is filled with comforting and healthy breakup advice. The Blossom Tips will help you loosen unhealthy attachments to the past, seal your heart with peace, and move forward with joy.
When You Miss Him Like Crazy: 25 Lessons to Move You From Broken to Blossoming After a Breakup will help you refocus your life, re-create yourself, and start living fully again! Your spirit will rise and you'll blossom into who you were created to be.