When it’s over – a relationship, an important time in your life, an unexpected death – you feel like you’ll never stop crying. Here are four ways to get through the grief and let go of the pain.
Yes. Yes, you will laugh and live fully again! You will rise and stretch, and you will throw your arms wide and twirl. And you’ll never be the same. This is good news! Your current suffering, your present pain – this loss, this relationship or season that is over – has changed you forever. And this loss has the potential to change you in a beautiful way that can make your life deeper and more meaningful. This terrible thing can make you stronger, wiser, and more compassionate.
But first you have to learn how to stop crying. Below are four things to remember about Blossoming after you have to let go of someone you love or say good-by to a season of your life that you desperately wish was still alive. Here’s how to Blossom through the tears, how to accept healing and start moving towards life and love and light.
My inspiration for this article came from Brandi. She commented on my article about coping after a breakup, when an ex-boyfriend moves on. She didn’t even ask how to stop crying because she thinks it’s impossible to move on when it’s over.
Brandi is stuck in an old season of her life, and doesn’t recognize that a new season is calling.
“Getting shut out is the hardest thing in the world,” she says on How to Cope When Your Ex Has a New Girlfriend. “Me and my boyfriend were together for two years. It just started to fall apart and I wanted to talk things through but he just wanted to pretend everything was fine and refused to talk. Many arguments later…we broke up. Now he told me he’s in a new relationship but still loves me, wtf? I’m sick whenever I think of him with his new girlfriend. My heart is busted, I don’t know how to stop crying. Moving on is almost impossible. I can’t think of him any other way but as my boyfriend. It’s over, but my mind cannot handle the reality.”
How to Stop Crying When It’s Over
Here on SheBlossoms, I encourage you to reach upwards and inwards. Listen to the still small voice, and have faith. You are deeply loved, uniquely created, and specially formed. Every hair on your head is counted, every line on your face etched with love.
You are not alone.
The focus of this article – and how to stop crying when it’s over – is on entering a new season of your life. It’s about Healthy You, about recognizing when a relationship or activity has ended and allowing yourself to grow into something new.
Think about the seasons of your life
One of the most difficult seasons of my life was when my grandmother died. I didn’t know how to stop crying, and I thought my life was over. I really thought I was going to die without her in the world. Another difficult season for me was when my sister stopped talking to me. The worst part of that season was that she actually chose to not be part of my life. It was different than my grandma dying because my sister deliberately chose to cut me out of her life.
What season is over for you? What are you grieving? What ended? Maybe it’s a relationship, a period of time in a specific place, or a job. Maybe you’re grieving a death or an unexpected loss of a job or a community. When it’s over, you may feel like you’ll never stop crying because you didn’t want it to end. When it’s over, you may feel like dying.
Allow yourself to grieve a season when it’s over
Grief is painful. It hurts. Loss is tragic and terrible. Honor your loss by admitting that it hurts. Let yourself weep and wail. My sister was the person who told me that my grandmother died; when I cried and wailed, “I feel like I’m going to die, too!” she briskly told me to stop crying. She said “You’re not going to die, you’re going to be fine.” She didn’t allow me – or herself – to grieve our loss.
There is a season to grieve, and a season to heal. Learning how to stop crying is one way to start healing. But first you must allow yourself to cry when you need to – for as long as you need to – because that, too, is part of healing. And Blossoming.
Look back on the seasons of your life
Now, looking back on my life, I see things differently. I see my life as “seasonal” – there are seasons that include certain people and specific types of love, and there are seasons that don’t involve those people. When it’s over – when a season ends – I have no choice but to accept it.
Actually, that’s not true. I do have another choice. I can choose to fight reality, I can choose not to accept what happened, and I can choose to believe it’s not over when in fact it is over. That’s what Brandi is doing: she’s choosing to hold on to a past season of her life. She is choosing to believe that it’s impossible to move on without her boyfriend. She is choosing denial and pain over acceptance and healing.
“Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.” – Henry David Thoreau.
Accept that you can’t go back to the way things were
When it’s over, you may feel like you’ll never be able to move into a new season of your life.
When a relationship ends, you think you’ll never learn how to stop crying. And maybe the truth is that you’ll always be crying a little in your heart of hearts. I miss my grandmother very much, and I am sad that she’s gone. I’m sad I lost her. I also miss my sister. She’s back in my life, but it’s not the same. She hasn’t spoken to me in 10 years. She’s different. I’m different. We’ll never go back to the way things were…but I have the season of our childhood as sisters to remember with love and fondness.
Memories are both good and sad, but they are not now. If you truly want to stop crying when it’s over – if you want to heal – then you need to accept that a new season of your life has begun. Grieve the end when it’s over. Cry, write, express, join groups, withdraw from people who don’t allow you to grieve, be yourself. Whether you’re trying to stop thinking about someone or learn how to stop living in the past, you need to accept that you can’t go back to the way things were.
And eventually, you will learn how to stop crying. Because when it’s over, the bad news isn’t that it ended. The bad news is that you can’t let go and allow yourself to heal as God and nature intended.
What do you think?
“To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring.” – George Santayana.
I welcome your thoughts on the seasons of life and loss, laughter and light below. What experience have you had with loss in different seasons in your life? What have you learned about how to stop crying when it’s over?
If you need to find forgiveness, read 7 Steps to Forgiving Someone for Breaking Your Heart.
While I can’t offer advice, I do read every comment. I encourage you to respond to other readers’ comments if you feel led, and to share your experience. Writing often brings clarity and insight, and can help you work through your feelings.
Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.
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