How to Stop Crying When It’s Over 


When it’s over – a relationship, an important time in your life, an unexpected death – you feel like you’ll never stop crying. Here are four ways to get through the grief and let go of the pain.

Yes. Yes, you will laugh and live fully again! You will rise and stretch, and you will throw your arms wide and twirl. And you’ll never be the same. This is good news! Your current suffering, your present pain – this loss, this relationship or season that is over – has changed you forever. And this loss has the potential to change you in a beautiful way that can make your life deeper and more meaningful. This terrible thing can make you stronger, wiser, and more compassionate.

But first you have to learn how to stop crying. Below are four things to remember about Blossoming after you have to let go of someone you love or say good-by to a season of your life that you desperately wish was still alive. Here’s how to Blossom through the tears, how to accept healing and start moving towards life and love and light.


My inspiration for this article came from Brandi. She commented on my article about coping after a breakup, when an ex-boyfriend moves on. She didn’t even ask how to stop crying because she thinks it’s impossible to move on when it’s over.

Brandi is stuck in an old season of her life, and doesn’t recognize that a new season is calling.

“Getting shut out is the hardest thing in the world,” she says on How to Cope When Your Ex Has a New Girlfriend. “Me and my boyfriend were together for two years. It just started to fall apart and I wanted to talk things through but he just wanted to pretend everything was fine and refused to talk. Many arguments later…we broke up. Now he told me he’s in a new relationship but still loves me, wtf? I’m sick whenever I think of him with his new girlfriend. My heart is busted, I don’t know how to stop crying. Moving on is almost impossible. I can’t think of him any other way but as my boyfriend. It’s over, but my mind cannot handle the reality.”

How to Stop Crying When It’s Over

How to Stop Crying When It's Over 

How to Stop Crying When It’s Over

Here on SheBlossoms, I encourage you to reach upwards and inwards. Listen to the still small voice, and have faith. You are deeply loved, uniquely created, and specially formed. Every hair on your head is counted, every line on your face etched with love.

You are not alone.

The focus of this article – and how to stop crying when it’s over – is on entering a new season of your life. It’s about Healthy You, about recognizing when a relationship or activity has ended and allowing yourself to grow into something new.

Think about the seasons of your life

One of the most difficult seasons of my life was when my grandmother died. I didn’t know how to stop crying, and I thought my life was over. I really thought I was going to die without her in the world. Another difficult season for me was when my sister stopped talking to me. The worst part of that season was that she actually chose to not be part of my life. It was different than my grandma dying because my sister deliberately chose to cut me out of her life.

What season is over for you? What are you grieving? What ended? Maybe it’s a relationship, a period of time in a specific place, or a job. Maybe you’re grieving a death or an unexpected loss of a job or a community. When it’s over, you may feel like you’ll never stop crying because you didn’t want it to end. When it’s over, you may feel like dying.

Allow yourself to grieve a season when it’s over

Grief is painful. It hurts. Loss is tragic and terrible. Honor your loss by admitting that it hurts. Let yourself weep and wail. My sister was the person who told me that my grandmother died; when I cried and wailed, “I feel like I’m going to die, too!” she briskly told me to stop crying. She said “You’re not going to die, you’re going to be fine.” She didn’t allow me – or herself – to grieve our loss.

There is a season to grieve, and a season to heal. Learning how to stop crying is one way to start healing. But first you must allow yourself to cry when you need to – for as long as you need to – because that, too, is part of healing. And Blossoming.

Look back on the seasons of your life

Now, looking back on my life, I see things differently. I see my life as “seasonal” – there are seasons that include certain people and specific types of love, and there are seasons that don’t involve those people. When it’s over – when a season ends – I have no choice but to accept it.

Actually, that’s not true. I do have another choice. I can choose to fight reality, I can choose not to accept what happened, and I can choose to believe it’s not over when in fact it is over. That’s what Brandi is doing: she’s choosing to hold on to a past season of her life. She is choosing to believe that it’s impossible to move on without her boyfriend. She is choosing denial and pain over acceptance and healing.

“Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.” – Henry David Thoreau.

Accept that you can’t go back to the way things were

When it’s over, you may feel like you’ll never be able to move into a new season of your life.

How to Stop Crying When It’s Over

How to Stop Crying

When a relationship ends, you think you’ll never learn how to stop crying. And maybe the truth is that you’ll always be crying a little in your heart of hearts. I miss my grandmother very much, and I am sad that she’s gone. I’m sad I lost her. I also miss my sister. She’s back in my life, but it’s not the same. She hasn’t spoken to me in 10 years. She’s different. I’m different. We’ll never go back to the way things were…but I have the season of our childhood as sisters to remember with love and fondness.

Memories are both good and sad, but they are not now. If you truly want to stop crying when it’s over – if you want to heal – then you need to accept that a new season of your life has begun. Grieve the end when it’s over. Cry, write, express, join groups, withdraw from people who don’t allow you to grieve, be yourself. Whether you’re trying to stop thinking about someone or learn how to stop living in the past, you need to accept that you can’t go back to the way things were.

And eventually, you will learn how to stop crying. Because when it’s over, the bad news isn’t that it ended. The bad news is that you can’t let go and allow yourself to heal as God and nature intended.

What do you think?

“To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring.” – George Santayana.

I welcome your thoughts on the seasons of life and loss, laughter and light below. What experience have you had with loss in different seasons in your life? What have you learned about how to stop crying when it’s over?

If you need to find forgiveness, read 7 Steps to Forgiving Someone for Breaking Your Heart.

While I can’t offer advice, I do read every comment. I encourage you to respond to other readers’ comments if you feel led, and to share your experience. Writing often brings clarity and insight, and can help you work through your feelings.


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15 thoughts on “How to Stop Crying When It’s Over 

  • Marie

    I can relate with so many of these stories!! The pain is something that I never felt before. I’ve been through the loss of family members but to lose the Love of Your Life your soulmate, who was my high school sweetheart and then we found each other after 45 years and promised each other we would never part and to then part is by far the worst type of pain anyone has to go through. It’s so hard to know that I will never see or hear from him again. The reality of that is beyond what I can deal with. I cry all day, every day. I see a therapist and was told it’s going to take time because it is similar to a death. HE wanted us to have this beautiful life together. We have so much in common. We used to talk on the phone for 3, 4 5 hours! He painted a beautiful picture of our future. After a year of seeing each other and living together the past year, He bought us a house, he had me look at the house, pick out furniture, flooring, carpeting etc. He asked for money to help him. I gave him the money knowing that we were going to be living together and he said he would pay me back within 6 months. He pulled the rug out from under me and said he doesn’t think we should live together and HE is sure what he wants. Now he says he does not want a relationship or a commitment just a friend. So I lost my money, HIM, and our dream to be together. And living on my own. We used to text and talk but it was too painful for me as he was always just nonchalant and would brag about what he was doing to fix up the house. He was so nasty in his texts and his conversations were all about how I want more than he does. Everyone tells me it’s better you find out now before you were living together for a while but it still hurts like hell. I am constantly looking at my phone and hoping he would send me a text or leave me a voicemail. I find myself in the middle of the day just crying. I don’t know how to get on with my life. I am miserable. Nothing makes me happy. What is so odd is that I cried when we broke up years ago and when we got back after all these years he said he wants me in his life and will never let me go this time. So this feels like I lost him twice. He lied because if he really wanted me in his life he would have never told me that he doesn’t want US. How do I stop crying? How do I move on? Everything reminds me of him. I just want him back. He won’t even talk to me. He once told me that if I don’t move in the house he will sell it, because he bought it for US and why would he need a big house. But I know him He’ll keep it because he has done so much to make it beautiful. My therapist tells me that he is a Narcissist. I have to agree with her. But that doesn’t change anything about how I feel about him We have so many many things in common that he would say to me he has never met anyone that likes as many things as him. When we broke up years ago he said he was destroyed and didn’t date for years. I cannot understand that now we are back together why doesn’t he want us to be us? I just want the pain to stop, and I need to stop crying because it is affecting my health. I went to my doctor and she gave me anti-depression meds but they don’t work. Still crying. Still don’t care if I wake up the next day Without him there is no tomorrow I wonder how he is able to move on? Men are so different than us.

  • Shelby

    What about when it’s the second time your heart was broke? My fiancé passed away when I was 31. I never thought I’d give another person a chance. Well fast forward three years from when he passed and I fell in love. Fast and hard. Three years after that and he broke my heart. You’d think I’d be familiar with the stages of grieving but, it feels like they are new and completely scary. I cry everyday, even at work. I don’t find anything exciting anymore. Going out is a struggle. I force myself to eat. This situation feels worse than the death of my fiancé and I can’t figure out why? So, I feel guilty about that which makes me cry even more. I had my life planned out in my 20s. I was supposed to get married and have kids by the time I was 30. That dream was destroyed quick. Then after years of grief therapy I thought maybe I could still have those things. Wrong again. I trusted someone who took vital years from me. So now that dream is crushed again. Which makes it hard to look back and do the self care work I’m supposed to to get through this. I feel like the big man up stairs for about me when he supposedly planned our lives out.

    • MLC

      Dear Shelby,
      You are not alone in this process. I was with my ex for 6 years before we broke up. I fell in love again some years after that, we were together for 2 years and he just told me he doesnt love me anymore three days ago, just like that. I didnt see it coming, everything was great and I was happy and in love, and he crushed me. Now Im 34 and I feel like I have lost so many precious years in these relationships. I have always wanted to get married and have a family but I also feel like this dream has been shattered. I am completely lost and feel like my life isnt where I wanted it to be at this point and it is so hard for me to face reality and be alone again. I am hurting more now than ever and I really need help fron people that are going through the same. Reading that Im not alone really helps. So I honestly feel you and understand you. How have you been feeling after these past months? Would really like to hear how you are doing now.

  • Angel

    Hello,

    I am going through something similar and It. Feels. Horrible.

    I thought I was okay, but today, he officially left the city and I can’t stop crying.

    Its been only 5 days since I found out my boyfriend of 4 years was cheating on me. He said it was the first time and he and the girl confirmed that it started last year November, meaning it had only been plus minus a month and a half! It angers me that we had to break up and give up our 4 years together over something that lasted 1month and a half and was not worth it at all. (the girl also dumped him)

    We had an open and honest conversation where he confessed that he was starting to fall for the girl hence he couldn’t break it off. What killed me the most and made me unable to move on and even provide him with a second chance was the level of disrespect. He lied from the beginning, even when he said he was now telling the through (he only came clean when he saw I was really dumping him and said he at least owes me the truth) He has taken her to my flat, had sexual (oral) encounters. The other lady came clean with me and let me know everything that was happening as she also didn’t know about me. It seems the level if their relationship was deep as he was claiming he loves her, begging for her not to dump him, I don’t know if that behaviour was just him acting and playing her or if he genuinely means it, but from then on, I just couldn’t trust him so I broke it off.

    We were friends before, so I think our friendship might survive even if it won’t be as deep as it was probably was before. But we are amicable and even had a great chat and laughs before we parted.

    I would like to convince myself I made the right decision, but my heart is grieving so much, I just feel like going back.

  • Katelyn

    I can’t cope with the pain of my break up. Can’t eat or sleep, I feel depressed. Can’t sleep without the sleeping pills. And to make things worse I think I’m getting addicted to them. How can I make myself feel better and sleep better?

  • Louise

    You have literally saved me emotionally and mentally through a hard but, needed breakup. Thank you for your articles it truly brings me clarity and hope.

    MB

  • Stacey

    Well, what can i say, I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years 3 weeks ago, and i can honestly say I feel like im dying. The pain im feeling is horrible and Im truly heartbroken. I can honestly say that i was so happy being with him I really feel like I cant get over it. We had our arguments but always sorted things out but this time we had an argument and when i tried to speak to him a week later he said he isnt happy and he doesnt want me anymore. I begged for a full day but he wasnt interested. Im broken. It feels like he is a different person. I have tried to accept its over but since then i feel like he has been messing with my head, texting me in the early hours of the morning asking if im ok, and he has even started asking for sex, saying he still loves me and fancies me and no one else will ever turn him on like i do! But he isnt happy and doesnt want me? I feel like my head is so F**** up right now i dont know which way to turn… and i still need contact with him as we have a house together and we pay half ways on things until its sold… what do i do? Im devastated i love him so much.

    • MB

      Stacey, I’m sorry you’re going through this hopefully things are better. If not you need to lose contact with him, I know you own a house together but emails are better and not such an easy contact. If a man wants you he will move mountains, period. He seems like hes dangling you and there is no excuse for that. Sometimes we have to make hard choices in life. Cut him out

    • Ruth

      Im goin though same thing its like your dieing inside. My ex doing the same playing mind games to get a leg over but doesn’t want a relationship but I will stll jump to him even do I know im doing wrong as he doesn’t want a relationship. But im hoping in time I will try to repect my self and say no to his offers and move forward

  • Jasmine

    I had been going out with a guy that I’ve know since high school, we dated for a month. I know it’s not much; but to me it was enough to fall for him. Every single day we would text each other and talk about our day and just random things, so we literally talked for a month straight. One day out of no where he texted me that he wanted to break up because he was unsure if he wanted a girlfriend and because he had some “personal issues that he had to take care of before he could date anyone” the moment I read that I felt terrible and cried the whole entire day. I’ve been trying to get over him but I just can’t stop thinking of him, inside I feel as if I was broken or empty, It’s a horrible feeling, I feel sad all the time. Today I couldn’t help it anymore and I texted him “What do I do, I miss you so much” he then replied with “I swear I miss you too but I’m not right for you” and so I asked him why I wasn’t right for him, and that’s when he told me that he got a girl pregnant. She is currently 8 months pregnant, however he barely found out two weeks ago, he said that he didn’t know how to tell me and that’s why he broke up with me. Because he says that I deserve better, that I deserve someone that doesn’t have a baby with someone else. Now I understand why he broke up with me, however I still can’t get him out of my mind, especially because I know that he still likes me. I don’t know what to do I feel completely broken and need tips on getting over him. Please help.

  • Pooja

    Hi Laurie,

    I am going through very tough time in my life. My bf of 9 yrs broke up me in the most humiliating way and blamed me for everything. He has stone walled me and completely flung me off his life. He has started dating someone else within a month of breaking up with me. For 9yrs I endured mental, physical and emotional abuse in this relationship. He broke up with me multiple times and then came back on his own. His family was also never supportive of me and they always put a condition before me to severe ties with my family if I have to marry him. This time I gave up when I saw him breaking me and my trust. I cry a lot and the pain is immense, I am healing with Jesus but still the betrayal hurts. It hurts to remember how my sacrifices were belittled. Infact I was told that his physically abusing me was ok. His family completely sided with him. I felt lonely and broken in my pleas infront of them. I don’t want him back but I want the confidence to heal and live an abundant life again 🙂

    • Ely

      Pooja, it is difficult to see right now that one day you will be happy again but you will. I hate to say this but time will heal your pain. I remember thinking how I wish time would speed up so I wouldn’t hurt anymore, cry anymore and find myself. It will take one day at a time but do not give up. You will conquer this. You will smile and laugh again. Surround yourself by those who love you. Talk with a professional, a counselor or therapist so you can express your deepest feelings without being judged. I was betrayed and humiliated by my husband of 5 yrs and thought it was the end of my life. Today, one year later, I stand here stronger and happier than ever. I am learning to love everything about myself and to truly find who I am. Be strong, hang in there and pray.

      • Pooja

        Thank you Ely. Your words are kind and therapeutic. I know that time will heal my wounds if I along with time love and care for myself but with the hurt I am unable to do so. Even I pray for the time to speed up so I stop feeling the pain but I guess healing is phenomena and it happens gradually. Thanks for replying to me. God bless you 😊

  • Laurie Post author

    Dear Krystal,

    Happy Birthday! I know it wasn’t the best birthday you ever celebrated because your ex boyfriend didn’t call…and it hurts. Yes, the feeling of being rejected is terribly painful. Realizing that someone you love doesn’t love you in return is awful.

    I’m sorry for what you’re going through. You’re grieving a painful loss in your life, and it’s even worse when you’re supposed to be celebrating a birthday. Instead of learning how to stop crying when it’s over, I’m sure you’d rather be enjoying a simple or even an elaborate celebration with your boyfriend.

    Take heart. Know that even though it feels like you’ll never be happy again, believe that something better is around the corner! A more meaningful relationship, a more loving boyfriend.

    And, allow yourself to grieve. Give yourself time to overcome the depression and pain that accompanies this type of loss. Here’s an article that I recently wrote – it may help you move forward in healing and peace.

    How to Overcome Depressed Feelings After a Breakup
    http://howloveblossoms.com/post-break-up-overcoming-breakup-depression/

    May you find love and joy in your love — sooner than you expect, in places and people you didn’t expect. May you find God’s wisdom and grace, and may your heart heal and become whole again.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  • Krystal

    My ex has been stringing me along one week I’m great he’s affectionate, the next, nothing. Today was my birthday no phone call no visit. My heart feels hurt, I had a feeling he was online dating. I’m wondering if the hurt I feel is because of the feeling of being rejected. Having someone choose someone else over me… I came to the realization that no one could treat someone they love like that so he obviously doesn’t love me and I can’t hang on or I’ll always be left feeling like this.