How to Stop Thinking About Someone After a Breakup

No matter how clear it was that you don’t have a future with someone, it’s still not easy to just stop thinking about him after a breakup. These ideas will help you let go of those harmful thought patterns and start changing how you think, feel, and live each moment of your life.

“It was clear that our relationship was damaged from the start,” says Xander on How to Let Go of Someone You Love. “It was clear for us both that our relationship has no future and we had to break up. And so we did. I thought I would be okay but every time, especially when I am alone at home, I can’t help but think about him, about us, about how we used to be. All the memories seem to flashback and the only thing I can do was cry. Ever since we broke up with each other, his absence is depressing. I am tempted to message him. I still love him. How do people do this, can you tell me how to stop thinking about someone? I want to let go. I want to forget him.”

After a breakup you want to move on (or maybe you don’t!), but you can’t stop thinking about the someone you loved and lost. You want to forget, but you also want to remember. You know you can’t live like this forever but you just can’t let go. Here are four tips on how to stop thinking about someone – and one secret that ties them all together.

The powerful secret that ties these four tips together is to simply change your focus every time you find yourself thinking about someone. It’s simple, but not easy. When he pops up into your mind – or when you discover that you’ve been thinking about someone for an hour and not even realized it – simply replace your thoughts with something different. Take control of your thoughts, and your emotions will follow.

Below are four things to focus on, things that are better, healthier and more life-giving. They’ll help you stop thinking about someone you love and start wondering how you’ll blossom into the woman you were created to be.

How to Stop Thinking About Someone After a Breakup

There are no quick, easy tips – but you already knew that, didn’t you? Instead, there are healthy and good ways to grow into someone you really want to become. It’s more work than searching the internet for ways to stop thinking about someone you broke up with, but it way way way more fulfilling!

If you literally can’t stop thinking about him, read 5 Ways to Stop Obsessing About Someone. You may have fallen into the trap of ruminating, which is worse than “just” not being able to stop thinking about someone.

Replace what you lost with what you want to build in your life. Don’t even focus on how to stop thinking about someone. Focus instead on challenging and growing yourself, on rebuilding and renewing your life.

Your Healthy Self

How to Stop Thinking About Someone After a Breakup
How to Stop Thinking About Someone After a Breakup

Stop for a moment. Take a deep breath. What part of your body, mind, or spirit needs the most attention right now? What feels broken, weak, or tired? If you feel physically exhausted and depleted, you need to fill your body with nutritious foods and clear sparkling water. Maybe you need vitamins, protein, minerals. Maybe you need sleep, or exercise, or a massage.

What do you need? Your body knows, and it is trying to tell you. Find ways to pamper your body after a breakup – and remember to focus on healthy ways to heal your body. How is this a tip on how to stop thinking about someone? It’s surprisingly effective: whenever you find yourself obsessing about the person you lost, instead think about what you can give your body.  It can be as simple as a fresh crisp cold Red Delicious apple or as complicated as a trip to your doctor for a physical checkup.

Your Connected Self

Do you have someone to talk to; do you feel understood and heard in your relationships? Can you speak freely and authentically? Are you willing to share who you really are with the people in your life?

This tip on “how to stop thinking about someone” is about connecting with people who are present in your life. Find people who love you and care for you – and don’t tell me they don’t exist, because I know they do! Be with them. Spend time with them. Take your relationship to a deeper, more interesting level. Go further.

Your Creative Self

Ah, this is the most fun tip on how to stop thinking about someone after a breakup! This is where you get to pick up something creative that you love to do. When you start feeling sad because your thoughts are drifting towards the guy, refocus on your creativity.

I used to think writing was the only creative part of me – until I started playing the flute. And I started painting greeting cards with oils and acrylics. I also painted animals playing musical instruments, and dancing flowers.

How to Stop Thinking About Someone
How to Stop Thinking About Someone

Is Your Creative Self trying to get out? Get The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron – it’ll help motivate you to pick up that paintbrush or dust off your guitar. Use this time — and your emotional pain — to awaken your creative, artistic self.

Your Daring Self

Did I say that focusing on Your Creative Self was the most fun tip on how to stop thinking about someone? I meant to say Your Daring Self is the best one! What have you always wished you had the guts to do? What have you dared to do in the past…and what do you dare to do today?

Don’t just challenge yourself…dare yourself.

10 Ways to Figure Out What to Do With Your Life is a great place to start being daring. Instead of focusing on the past – on what you lost – think about where your life is going. Now is the perfect time to go back to school, or get a new job, or travel to Paris, or take your kids on a road trip.

Pick one of those four areas (Healthy Self, Connected Self, Creative Self, or Daring Self) and make it your own. Which one resonates with you the most? Do you want to get healthier, or have better relationships? Do you want to get creative, or build a more daring life?

Commit to something, and focus on growing it whenever you find your thoughts drifting back in time. What is holding you back, and how can you get out of your own way?

Feel free to share your thoughts below. Read through the other readers’ comments; maybe you’ll see that you are not alone. Respond to the comments if you’re inspired, or share your own tips on how to stop thinking about someone. Writing often brings clarity and insight, and can help you process your feelings.

If you don’t know what you were created to do, read 9 Ways to Find Your Life Purpose After a Breakup.


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5 thoughts on “How to Stop Thinking About Someone After a Breakup”

  1. Wouldn’t it be awesome to be able to time travel to a year from now? That way you wouldn’t have to go through all the pain of trying to stop thinking about someone after a breakup…you could skip right over all the grieving and loss, and get to the healing and happiness!

    If you’re still feeling sad and depressed, remember that you won’t always fell this bad. You’ll get through this. You will feel better and happier and healthier sooner than you expect.

  2. Hey to all, I feel for all of you and for anyone that has to go thru this. I’m in a terrible situation right now cause it’s only been days for me on my break up. Yes he left me to be with another women, only because the storm we were going thru was just to rough for him to handle, so he took the easy way out. After everything I did and all the sacrifices I made to try to keep it together. He walked out with no care or heart for what I was about to go thru by myself. It’s so hard to be alone cause you go into thoughts of your pass and you really don’t want to be there, but being that its all still fresh I’m trying and doing my best to let go……with God in my heart I need what’s best for me…….paths on how to deal with it all or words to get by day by day will help..

    Thank you
    Broken soul

  3. hi fred and julie,ive read your posts and i feel for you both, im the same, my boyfriend broke up with me in september and i still feel terrible. I can’t stop thinking about him, he didnt give me a reason, he suffers from depression which i found hard but accepted. I miss him every day and its not getting better, i can’t seem to move on. I’ve tried to contact him but he wont reply. If you have any ideas and tips on how to deal with this, i would appreciate it if you would let me know please.if i can help you i will also, thank you, majella.

  4. I still have that sinking feeling in my stomach … he broke up with me six weeks ago. I really wish I could just find all the reasons to hate him but I still find myself missing him terribly He wants to cut ties and started seeing one of his work colleagues just 1.5 weeks after he ended it with me. Those are pretty good reasons for me to think of him badly but I still miss him and think about things far more than I would like to. I’m keeping myself busy with the gym but then there are all of the other hours in the day … still finding it difficult to sleep at night

    1. Hi Julie, I obviously don’t know you but it sounds like our situations are very similar. My relationship with my ex ended a couple of months ago and it is extremely difficult still. All I can say is that it gets better slowly- for me maybe 1% a week, but that adds up. I’m proud of you going to the gym, I am doing the same. Try to take care of your body, tend to some housework, and stay productive. Just know that you aren’t alone and that other people like me are out there going through the same rough times. I wish you all the best! Xoxo