How to Cope With Abuse When You Can’t Leave Home

Coping with abusive parents is hard even if you can escape by going to school, work, or to a friend’s place. But how do you survive the abuse when you’re stuck in the house? You can’t just pack up and leave home – especially if you’re isolated or have nowhere to go! These 10 tips for surviving an abusive mom or dad are inspired by a reader who said…

“You gave words of wisdom for adults whose parents try to control them,” says Ruben on 7 Tips for Dealing With Controlling Parents. “What about a 10 year old child who can’t leave a home with abusive parents? How can a child put into practice all your nice tips if their mom or dad uses physical and mental abuse? Sorry but the Internet is full of tips and tricks on how to do this and that but this is not gonna work with abused children. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe this an article about the ‘light version’ of controlling parents? Thanks anyway.”

Ruben is right. The internet is full of articles on how to cope with controlling moms, difficult dads, abusive partners, elderly parents and toxic family members. But what about kids stuck at home? Social isolation can lead to higher rates of domestic violence for both children and adults, which is why I wrote How Do You Leave When You Have Nowhere to Go? Adults have more choices and possibilities when it comes to surviving abuse at home – even when they feel like they can’t leave. But children and teenagers who are stuck at home and can’t leave are in a particularly vulnerable – and ver painful – situation.

Do you have the same questions and problem as Ruben? If you read the comments below, you’ll see you aren’t alone. Maybe you’re a 10 year old girl with an abusive mom, or a 17 year old with a controlling father. Maybe your parents aren’t “just” abusive; maybe your mom is an alcoholic or drug addict or your dad has serious mental or emotional health problems. If you’re coping with parents who are abusing you, you may feel trapped and hopeless even if you could go to work, school or out with friends. But if you’re socially isolated you can’t go anywhere or can’t move out of the family home, you have to learn to survive abusive parents.

10 Ways to Cope With Abusive Parents When You’re Stuck at Home

I can relate to Ruben’s problem. I’m not a kid stuck at home anymore, but I grew up with a schizophrenic mom. She was emotionally, mentally and physically abusive. We slept on the street several times, even when we had an apartment to live in. She was often hospitalized and underwent shock treatments. I lived in three different foster homes throughout my childhood; I never went to the same school or lived in the same home for more than six months.

It wasn’t easy, but I survived! And if I can do it, so can you.

1. Know that this, too, shall pass

Growing up with an abusive mom or dad is so crappy. It’s not fair or right. I can’t even count all the ways it sucks or describe how hard it is…but I can tell you that this, too, shall pass. It doesn’t feel like the abuse will ever end…but it will. It doesn’t feel like your wounds will heal or your body will be healthy, but it will.

You may not know when you’ll be living on your own, safe and free, but one day you will have your own home. Maybe it’ll be a house with a roommate, or an apartment by yourself. Maybe you’ll rent a room in a million-dollar house in a beautiful neighborhood owned by an old lady who calls you “dearie” and “sweetie” (that’s what I did! It was awesome). You won’t always live with a dad hitting you, a mom calling you names, a brother putting you down, or a sister beating you up.

10 Ways to Survive Abuse When You Can’t Leave Home
How to Survive Abuse When You Can’t Leave Home

This, too, shall pass. Remember that. Your life won’t always be like this. And this – growing up with abusive parents in a home you can’t leave – doesn’t have to define you. It is one part of your life, but it is not your whole life.

Not only will this pass, you will heal and even forget. Would you believe I forgot what my mother did to me and how bad the abuse was? It wasn’t until recently – when I read my diary from when I was 13 and in grade 8 – that I realized how verbally and physically abusive my mom was. I always knew my mother was mentally ill and had paranoid schizophrenia, but I forgot her exact words and actions. The effects of her abuse are in my cells now and forever, but my memories faded and I only vaguely recall her specific acts of violence and words of cruelty.

2. Tell someone what is happening to you

When I was a kid, I didn’t think of calling a helpline. But I did call Social Services and talk to a social worker about leaving home because my mentally ill mom was abusing me. A social worker came our apartment the next morning; I was in a foster home that night. We lived in a small town in Saskatchewan; not all towns or cities have social service departments that can act that fast! But we were “in the system”, which meant the social workers knew how sick my mom was. They knew how abusive parents can be, and they didn’t want me to be stuck at home with a schizophrenic parent who might become more violent.

If you can’t take your parents’ abuse anymore, visit the National Child Abuse Hotline or call them 1-800-442-4453.

You might also learn what child abuse is and how to know if you’re being abused by your mom or dad. The National Child Abuse Hotline has a good definition of abusive parents. They also have tips on how to protect yourself from abuse when you can’t leave home.

What is abuse? My mom was not abusive when she:

  • Gave me a curfew of 10 pm
  • Grounded me when I was late coming home
  • Refused to let me stay up until 2 am
  • Made me go to school and do my homework
  • Told me to exercise
  • Made me to go church
  • Made me to go Girl Guides or church
  • Wouldn’t let me stay at the roller skating rink as late as I wanted
  • Wouldn’t let me hang out with certain friends
  • Got so mentally ill that she had to go to the hospital for shock treatments, and I had to live in foster homes

It’s important to recognize the difference between parents setting rules because it’s their job to protect and raise you, versus parents who are actually abusing you physically, sexually, mentally, or emotionally.

My mom was abusing me when she:

  • Hit me with “the stick” (a heavy piece of wood, much heavier than a wooden spoon. It really hurt)
  • Called me evil, bad, stupid, fat, and lazy
  • Refused to let me see our other family members
  • Hit my sister in front of me
  • Neglected me
  • Harmed our pets

That’s all I care to remember right now! I know I’d remember a lot more examples of how my mom abused me if I read my diaries from when I was a child and teenager, but I don’t want to. Why? Because it hurts. And because one of my most important tips for how to survive abusive parents is to grieve the pain and loss, but don’t let it consume or overwhelm you.

You are welcome to share your experience and story in the comments section below. Writing about what your abusive parents do and how it makes you feel will help you start healing and dealing with it.

Are you an adult who grew up with abusive parents? Read 3 Ways to Cope With Difficult Parents – for Adult Children.

3. Be specific when you talk (and write) about how your parents abuse you

I didn’t tell anyone how abusive my mother was because I was embarrassed and ashamed. I thought like everyone else had normal parents except me. I was stuck at home (and on the street) with a crazy sick schizophrenic mother who called me names and hit me. Who could I tell? I didn’t think I could tell anybody….until I DID tell somebody. I called Social Services, talked to a social worker, and escaped. I never thought it would happen but I got to leave home.

10 Ways to Survive Abuse When You Can’t Leave Home
The Best Way to Survive Abuse When You Can’t Leave Home

Who can you talk to about your abusive parents? That is how you will survive and maybe even escape. Nobody can speak up for you; you have to find your voice and speak your truth. If you don’t make an effort to protect and help yourself, you can’t expect anyone to perform a miracle and get you out. Visit a kids helpline that has a chat function, call a domestic violence hotline, or find a local Social Services organization. Talking about how you are being abused by your mom or dad will both hurt and help you.

It might feel horrible, embarrassing, and even shameful to admit what is happening at home. You might get into worse trouble from your parents if you tell someone about the abuse. Is it worth the risk? This is something only you can decide. It’s a terrible decision for a kid to have to make — I know! But you may discover something important: you have more control over your life than you think, and you may be able to leave home and escape the abuse.

4. Try not to trigger your dad or push your mom’s buttons

I often knew exactly what made my mom mad and abusive toward me, but not always. Summer holidays were the worst because I was home more, and I got on her nerves. It wasn’t the coronavirus social isolation we’re experiencing now; my family was always isolated from the world. I grew up knowing that one of the worst parts of living with a mentally ill parent is the unpredictability. Sometimes I would get punished with the stick for some mysterious or tiny infraction; other times I would do something clearly wrong (eg, I got drunk and threw up all over the front hallway). I didn’t get any punishment or abuse for the big things, only the little unpredictable ones. I never knew what to expect, and I hated that. It was confusing, and it made me feel insecure and uncertain.

If you can’t move away from your abusive parents – or even leave the house because you’re stuck at home – don’t provoke them. Don’t set yourself up for abuse by doing whatever it is that makes them abuse you. This is not to say the abuse is your fault! It is NOT your fault your parents are abusive. You are not causing them to abuse you or the other kids or pets in your family.

Just be smart. Like Jesus said, be as wise as a serpent and as gentle as a dove. Don’t do things you know will trigger your mom or dad to act abusively.

5. Write down everything that happens to you

In 5 Stages of Leaving an Abusive Relationship, I encourage women to document everything they experience. Write down the dates, times, activities, and places the abuse occurs. Write down who was involved, what happened, and how long it lasted. Hide your writing somewhere private. You might even mail it to your best friend, a relative, teacher, coach, youth leader or guidance counselor to keep it safe for you.

Write down how you feel about what’s happening to you. This is how you will survive your abusive parents when you can’t leave or move out of your family’s home. You need to stay strong and healthy; one of the best ways to do that is to express yourself. You should see what I wrote about my mom when I was 13! I wrote the ugliest, meanest, most honest things. I think that’s how I healed, how I forgot about the exact types of abuse and focused on moving forward.

6. Learn your “Secret Survival Powers”

Writing saved me. That, and God. Neither writing nor God took me OUT of my abusive home immediately (probably because if I was rescued right away I wouldn’t have anything to say to you right now! I survived my abusive childhood is for your sake 🙂 ). I learned how to survive abusive parents when I couldn’t leave home by writing about everything that happened to me. I also had a strong faith in God even though I didn’t pray deeply. I felt His presence though. Now I understand that God didn’t bring me out of it, but He did bring me through it.

What are your Secret Survival Powers? You may have 100 more than you realize! I want to know what your survival skills are. Here are some possibilities….

Examples of “Secret Survival Powers”

  • The choice to speak up and talk to someone about your abusive parents. You have a voice – and you can use it!
  • The ability to use the internet
  • The courage to take the first step for surviving abusive parents when you can’t move out: searching the internet for help
  • The possibility of using your phone to call a child helpline
  • The knowledge that you do have friends and family who love you
  • The ability to write down how your parents are abusing you and how it makes you feel
  • An imagination to plan the possibilities for your future home, relationships, job, life and destination!
  • Your unique combination of personality, talents, skills and gifts that nobody else has
9 Ways to Survive Abusive Parents When You Can't Leave Home
9 Ways to Survive Abusive Parents When You Can’t Leave Home

Here’s the Secret Survival Power that saved me: I took the risk of calling Social Services for help. I was honest with the social worker. I said my mom is abusive and I can’t live with her anymore. I asked if I could go live in a foster home because my home environment wasn’t conducive to a healthy upbringing for a young girl. Or maybe I said “I hate my crazy mom. Can you get me the F out of here?”

Either way, it worked.

7. Know that you are not alone – read the comments below and

surviving parent abuse can't move out

In Spilled Milk, KL Randis tells the story of Brooke Nolan. She is a battered child who makes an anonymous phone call about the escalating child abuse in her home.

When Social Services jeopardize her safety and condemns her to keep her father’s secret, it’s a glass of spilled milk at the dinner table that forces her to talk about the parental abuse she was hiding. In her pursuit for safety and justice, Brooke battles a broken system that pushes to keep her father in the home.

Spilled Milk is based on a true story, but it is fiction. It is a novel of shocking narrative, triumph and resiliency – and it will help you see how courageous and strong you can be!

Find other survivors of abusive parents. Gain strength from connecting with people like Brooke, and KL, and me. Read the comments section below. Know that others have survived abusive parents even when they were trapped at home and couldn’t leave.

8. Call for help – even if you’re scared

Asking for help is hard, especially if you’re scared you’ll get your parents in trouble. I was terrified my mom would be enraged and violent if the social worker told her I called Social Services. But something told me I had to tell, I had to reach out for help. I had nobody to help me, no family or friends. I’m glad I found the courage I needed to call Social Services. I was only 13 years old but I knew that the only way I could survive my abusive mentally ill mother was to get out.

What about you? You may say “I have nobody to help me” but I don’t believe it. If you have an internet connection – which you do or how else would you be reading my tips on how to survive abusive parents when you can’t move out? Something else is stopping you back from calling a kids’ helpline or child abuse hotline. That’s okay. When you’re ready, you will reach out for help. You’ll take a deep breath and you’ll speak up. You’ll speak your truth, even if your voice shakes. You’ll save yourself.

You don’t necessarily need to ask for help leaving or moving out of your family home. Just ask for emotional support and practical tips on how to survive abusive parents when you’re isolated at home with them.

9. Learn how to survive wherever you are

Even if you call Social Services or a child abuse hotline – or you talk to a teacher or your guidance counselor at school – you may not be allowed to move out of your family home.

You may have to keep learning survival skills because the grownups may not be able to magically whip you a new place to live. When I called Social Services, the social worker asked me who in my family I could go live with. I suggested my grandma. My sister went to live with her dad. It was painful and said – I hated that I couldn’t live with my sister anymore…but we didn’t have to live with our mother, so there was that.

If you’re calling for help, read What You Need to Know When You Call a Shelter or Safe House.

10. Take good care of yourself

No matter where you end up or how long you live with an abusive mom or dad, learn how to take tender loving care (TLC) of yourself. Promise me that you won’t treat yourself the way your mean mom or bad dad does! Promise me you won’t let their insults, criticisms or attacks beat you down for long. Hold on to the sense of identity you knew when you were little. You have a divine spark of God in you. He created you and is watching over you. I don’t know why God lets children be abused or why God doesn’t stop abuse from hurting kids. I don’t know why we live in a world full of wounded, abused men and women who become mothers and fathers who wound and abuse their children.

But I do know that we can put obstacles in front of ourselves. We fall into the trap of believing the lies that abusive parents tell. We start to let the insults of mean sisters and attacks of bad brothers change our self-image…and we begin to hate ourselves just as much as we hate the family members who abuse us.

Take good, tender, loving care of yourself. If you won’t, who will?

What do you think of these tips and resources on how to survive abusive parents when you can’t move out? Share your story. Read through the comments, respond if you feel led.

Questions for you:

  • How are you coping with abusive parents?
  • How do you escape mentally when you can’t go to school, work, or to a friend’s place?
  • What do you do when you’re stuck in the house?
  • If you could pack up and leave home, where would you go?
  • What tips wold you give kids or adult children on how to survive an abusive mom or dad when you’re trapped at home?
  • If you just want to take a break and forget about all this, read 137 Best Things to Do When You’re Bored.

Remember that this, too, shall pass. xo

*

Leave a Reply to Anonymous Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

82 thoughts on “How to Cope With Abuse When You Can’t Leave Home”

  1. this kinda helped me, it made me cry because of what im going through right now. i really want to get out of this house, in fact i want quarantine to be over, i can’t take it anymore. I’ve been living with abusive parents for many years now, it hurts it really hurts. Having to always be the blame on something, earlier my little brother hit me and then i was hit again by mother because she thought i hit him when i didn’t. i don’t do anything wrong, im usually a quiet kid everybody says but no one truly knows why, and there are hundreds of reasons behind that (literally). I can’t even do anything with her putting me down, everything i’m happy she always has to curse at me and call me names when i do nothing to her, she always hates to see somebody happy yet complains why she gets treated the way she does, at work and in general, honestly can’t wait till i leave this house, really trying to save up as much money as i can for the future so ill be able to move states and live the life i always planned to live. as of rn i am distancing myself from both of them, i literally don’t wanna be near nobody right now. everything thats happening right now is hurting me even more, and i have this blue penguin plushie that reminds me of my boyfriend who passed away (committed suicide in october 2018) and i honestly wanna scream right now, i was left without any words and i wish i was in his arms right now, i don’t wanna get close to anyone anymore with all the hurt i have to go through, so many people left my life when i told them i was going through hard times like this or at my lowest, but what happened earlier really isn’t making anything better for me right now, im literally supposed to be in my online classes yet i refuse to, and i think that’s better for me because if i distance myself i won’t be in her way, but i honestly wish i was out this house already, i really hope time goes by as fast as it cans because when i do hit that certain age to leave, im not turning back either.Sometimes i honestly wish i can treat her the way she treats me but because i have so much anger built up inside me and makes me wanna do even more worst things to her and everyone who doesn’t even give a damn about me. but i know i’ll be at soon, but there’s just so much anger and sadness inside me it’s outrageous, the generation i grew up in, we get hit a lot, and we have to act like we don’t get abused at all, honestly a mess if you ask me, people literally don’t even know what i go through yet i keep a smile on my face to hide all things pain, no wonder why my favorite movie is the purge, it makes me smile when i watch it because it represents my anger. just typing this made me feel a bit better but on the inside im mostly numb.

  2. Thank you for the helpful tips. This quarantine has been really bad for me. I live with a mentally ill mother who does the exact same type of abuse that you’ve experienced. I’ve been living like this for years, and it got a lot worse after my dad passed away since now I don’t have anyone to run to anymore. I get hit, thrown into the streets, threatened with a knife, publicly humiliated, and she even tried to sell me as a prostitute against my will. She beat me up and destroyed my personal belongings, then took photos of my bleeding and bruised body right after. The issue is that in the country I live in, Child Protection Services or even helplines don’t exist. I called the police and all they told me was to find a way to take her to the mental hospital, which is impossible. None of my other family members understand how bad she’s treating me, they just think I’m exaggerating or that I’m ungrateful. My dad’s side of the family knows that I get abused really badly because I’ve tried running away to them many times before, but they’d always have to give me back to my mother because at the time when I still went to them, I was still underage and I didn’t have the right to run. The police and citizen protection in this country doesn’t work AT ALL; Indonesia has failed many times to effectively protect anyone who deserves to be protected. Now, I’m 18 and I’m sure my mother wants to keep me captive for a long time. She never lets me out of the house without her, and until now, I can’t contact anyone without her having to read or hear what we’re talking about. She talked about still having to drive me to college and how I should still live with her (I just graduated high school). I don’t know how to escape this place and her, but I know I should. I have to find a way out.

    Thank you for your helpful tips, and I hope that anyone who’s going through the same will be able to survive it.

  3. I’m Sophia and this quarantine has been really rough on me, having no escape from my family. I am the oldest child and my parents hate me. They call me stupid, fat, useless, worthless and lazy, Just yesterday my Dad hit me because i absentmindedly closed the door when he “told me not too”. He slapped me 5 times on the head and told me to get “fuck out” nd when I tried too he hit me harder. I try to talk to my parents but they don’t seem to care. I don’t know what I did to make them so angry. Every time I try to voice my opinion it is me being a “stubborn child. When my mom yells at me to do the dishes nd I tell I’m doing to homework she hits me and calls me a liar. They have been hitting me for as long as I can remember, and they even try to deny it. I have numerous scars on my body and the worst one is when my mom tried to hit me but she broke my finger instead. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to go. I don’t want to tell my teacher because they’ll send social services but social services will most likely make me stay home. My dad is abusive to everyone including my mother and she doesn’t even realize it. She’s just as bad as him although she tries to act like shes better. I just want out. Hopefully I’ll be able to move away when I go to college in a year. To everyone reading this… HAVE FAITH WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!!!!

    1. Hey Sophia!
      Sending you lots of love and hugs to you. I’m so sorry your going through that. I’m in the same situation just older and living with an extremely emotional and mentally abusive mother. She calls me all kinds of names slut, c**t on a daily basis. She calls me stupid, ugly, fat it’s horrible. I’m currently trying to get through school to get my degree get a job and move out of the house. Unfortunately she is the only family I have and I have nowhere else to go. The hard part is I have two kids and she has gotten my daughter who is 16 almost 17 to treat me horrible too and I have a 7 year old. I want out so badly and everyday it gets worse and worse she doesn’t hit me but the metal and emotional abuse is through the roof. She treats me and my son horribly. She also likes to threaten me and say if I kick you out you’ll be on the street. I just wish this nightmare would end but unfortunately it’s been like this my whole life. I just want to send you a hug and tell you you’re not alone, is this abuse and I think you are a beautiful, sweet person who is very smart. Hang in there and take care

  4. i am not exactly sure about if my parents are abusive. they spanked me with a paddle up until i was 8, and spanked me with their hands until i was 11, (im 12 now.) they force my brother to have a tracker on his phone, and took away mine and my sisters for stuff that we were scared to show them in case thy would hit us. my mom thinks i was too young to remember her slapping my arm and says “i never hit you,” whenever i flinch when she yells. the last time that my dad spanked me, it was because i didnt want to sleep in my own room. they would hit my oldest sister with a paddle in front of my siblings and take the rest of their anger out on us. they call my sister fat and a whore and i get the mercy because im thee youngest, but that just makes me feel worse. they lied about accepting my cousin when she came out although they really took months to even talk to her and still dont accept her. they took me out of the only place i felt safe, which was a mental hospital, afraid they would think i am saying bad things about them when the truth is i was afraid to say anything. they slapped my sister so hard on the arm one time she had to wear lng sleeves for a week in june. i want to get out of this house so bad, but this quarintene is stopping that and i am suicidal and depressed in hopes that i could die and finally leave this abusive household.

  5. Im 11 years old, My dad and sometimes my mum abuses me me physically, I get slapped and whipped and I dont think anyone would know because ive never told anyone, at school I have a friend, he’s trustworthy but I don’t want to tell him, I’ve never told anyone this before but all my cuts and bruises are usually named as accidents in rugby whenever I get asked which is not so often, noone really cares about me and Its like everyone in this world is looking away from me, I always make threats to MYSELF which I feel is kind of crazy, I used to tell myself I would run away from my house one day and llive on the streets but I always am in my room unless im at school or having food so I dont see much chances. I feel like trash and honestly, I’ve NEVER posted a comment or said a paragrah like this, If my parents found out then I would be burnt and now that uk going to lockdown Im freaking out im going to die in this hell, but Seeing what you guys have been through does make me feel alot more positive and more brighter, stay positive!

  6. We are in lockdown with my emotionally abusive mother. We had no option but to seek shelter at her house during the lockdown, and like you… I completely forgot how bad my mother was, in fact, I never realized that I had an emotionally abusive mother.. I knew she had mental issues and issues wit addiction, but it never dawned upon me that she is in fact an EMOTIONAL ABUSER! Now what? We are in lockdown with her.. I’m 45 years of age, my partner 50, my bus I’ve mother 71.. would you believe it if I said how anxious and scared she makes me feel. She’s hot and cold, up and down, controlling, manipulative by sometimes pretends how frail she is… but she isn’t.. you can see that when she “looses her sh*t” all of a sudden, she walks normally and seem to get strength from nowhere! Please advise.

    1. Same, also in lockdown with my mother, who is a hoarder and constantly verbally abuses my dad and sometimes my brother and me when we try to say something. Just spent the past day being told we’re worthless because I tried to clean up a foot-deep layer of beetle-infested trash that has piled up for years on the kitchen countertop. I thought it would be a good idea to come be with family at a time like this, but maybe it was a huge mistake…you’re not alone! Try to stay positive and we can get through this!

  7. I am 14 and I am being abused by my mother verbally, physically and emotionally. I realized this when I was 5 or 6. I am really ignored, no one considers my choices or my opinions, they just do whatever they want, I get beat up every single day and cry in a room and walk out like nothing happened,I just tell myself not to cry and I don’t cry really often, just try to keep my emotions to myself. I haven’t told this to anyone, nor I want to, or maybe I can’t but I really need help. I can’t talk to her about what I think or feel about that she is doing to me. I really really wanna move out of my house

    1. I am actually going through the same thing right now I just got abused by my mom because my dad was not taking to her because how badly she wanted to hit me she was thinking about kicking me out she took away everything away from so I can not call or text anyone I am not allowed to go outside even in my backyard when I have bruises she locked me in my room my dad is dead he was only one who could save me I can not even run away who would help me and how will survive I would be homeless I handed out newspaper and made $200 and took a bus with my friends bought a cheap laptop life is actually tough I have no one I can share this with my mom will just marry a another guy and live her life I am only 14

  8. Im 16 ive been emotionally abused since I was 6. my mom got on drugs really bad and I took care of my little brother because my mom was either in the city or pasted out. my dad and mom split up when I was 2 and she got with my brothers dad who beat her non stop. when I was 7 my mom took my brother and I to the city and her and a friend of hers got high by heroin and passed out in the car, cops swarmed the car and took me and my brother to my grandmas. which she took my brother back to his dads and he was put in jail 4 days later and he got sent to his grandmas. My dad came and got me but couldn’t get my brother because hes illegal. I was finally happy til my mom showed up at the door step. she took me and my brother to her friends and would go party with my brothers dad. so I went to my dads and moved to SC for 3yrs best 3 years of my life.my mom made me come back. when I moved back with her she was dating this guy that also have 3 other boys. one night her boyfriend smacked my ass and called me sexy in front of my mom. I was 11 and I went off and she told me I was over reacting. we got a place down the street from him so that’s where id stay. I barely ever saw my mom and there I was again taken care of my 5yr brother ay the age of 11. shed leave at before we got home from school and wouldn’t be home til 11 or 12 then shed go to her abusive boyfriends house. I spent my 12 and 13 birthday alone. a week after my 13th birthday my dad got deported. I got severely depressed and started cutting. I tried getting help but instead my mom called me selfish and her boyfriend handed me a gun and told me to pull the trigger so I did but it wasn’t loaded. we moved uptown and I got raped by our neighbor. my mom wasn’t home as usual. I was still cutting and my moms “roommate” didn’t like that she was going to her boyfriends house and said would if Courtney try’s killing herself so my mom grabbed me and said if I ever cut again shed hold me down and slit my throat and wrists and show me how to really cut… a month later my brother and I went into foster care. my mom had visits with us, but id only go for my brother. 5 months in and my brother got admitted to a mental institution for self harm he was 7 but he was in and out of those hospitals since he was 4. the same day my bf left me and my mom disowned me and my dad who was my bestfriend said I was a disappointment. I tried to slit my wrist but all the adrenal just made me pass out. 6 months into it we were released back to our mom I fought and fought to live with my granny. I told them everything that was going on and they still made me go back. which was hell and still is. after realizing that I couldn’t leave I just turned to a bad path. we moved again, im now 16 and thinking about an emancipation but I’m scared. my mom likes to use an excuse to emotional abuse my brother and I because she pill sick. she use to beat my brother so bad. im 16 and I really wanna leave although I cant. Its a prison..but at least I tried right?

  9. My grandson is seriously neglected, but I have no way to help him. They ignore him except to roll over by 11 am and grab something for him to eat then go back to sleep until 2 or 4 pm. He goes to bed at 9 – 10 pm and is up about 8 or so, they put him in front of the tv until they get up in the afternoon. He is regularly grounded to his room for everything from not eating his meal to playing with a toy he was told no to. He is 4. If he doesn’t eat a meal it is in front of him until he does, many times this is the same meal he will have at 6 pm. No it wasn’t put in the fridge and yes, he has been sitting in front of it since someone rolled over and got it for him in the am. I say meal like it is a normal meal, they eat 1 item, whether it is cheesy potatoes or corned beef, there is one item put on the plate to eat for that meal. He is ignored by his mother unless she wants him to feel sorry for her, by saying mommy is sad, sick, not well, upset, depressed and just needs to cuddle. TV goes on and he will sit there and take care of mommy, almost everyday this happens. Daddy treats him like a puppet only do as I say and don’t make noise. He is a child, he isn’t allowed outside at all, the windows are blocked off, he can’t run or play, he can watch tv, he is also allowed to watch them play videos. If he plays with toys in his room he can’t make noise. They left him at our house fir the majority of 4 years and now all of a sudden they want to play parents and we can’t do anything. They have finally purchased him socks, this seems simple but the last time they purchased socks for him he was a couple months old. They have been trying to put these on him or he wears no socks at all. I have been told that nothing can be done until he is grown up. We have many people willing to go to court on his behalf to have him removed but the state says there is nothing illegal about the treatment. REALLY? so we just sit back and watch them destroy a wonderful little boy to make themselves happy. Wow. Grandparents should be able to protect our grandchildren. I couldn’t protect our granddaughter and her feet are deformed because of being sat down on the couch, unable to go play for 5 years. GRRRRR. I really wish there was a case worker who would help and get him back to our house and throw those parents in jail for neglect. It makes me mad, children that should be left alone get removed but those that actually should be removed are left to suffer.

  10. Holy fk i relate to this so much im so glad my feelings are normal. Im 15, boy, my mom physically verbally and emotionally abuses me and i relate to literally everything here i even forgot most of the times she hit me and made me cry probably because like u said as a survival mechanism and because it hurts. For example today she threw a tv remote in my face and my lips got a bit swollen. I wanna move out but i dont wanna move schools…. what do i do?

    1. I got this article because I was searching answers for my best friend. She was being abused by her mother. I just wanted to say stay strong no matter what and you are not alone, I care about you. Goodbye 💛

  11. my mom is abusive hits me threatens me and calls me names I just talked to my therapist about it and she said she is going to help me. I am in a family of 4 i am the oldest. I am 13 I am the first boy to be born. My brother has anger issues just like my mom.

  12. Both of my parents are physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive. I cannot remember a time in my life in which they weren’t. My dad originally wasn’t a bad guy, but over the years he’s become just like my mother. When I was 9, a friend reported my abuse to the school. The school talked to me, and my principal promised me that social services would be out the next day. I got home and found out that my principal and mother had a talk and decided to pretend it never happened, because my mother was and is a staff member at my school. So I had an opportunity as a child to leave this hell and never got it. I’m 17 now and and I only have the rest of junior year and senior year to finish out but I just can’t take this anymore. It’s too much to deal with. I’m at a loss for how to go on

  13. I deal with a verbally abusive mom. Sometimes she can get physical but it really just depends. I’ve felt nothing but worthless and depressed in my home. My mom has 5 kids ( 4 that she counts) , and she has pushed every single one of them away including me. My sister moved to china and became a teacher there to get away, which is crazy. I am the youngest kid, 16 years old and I don’t know what to do. I feel as my mom is angry with the world. For me having an opinion on certain things in my moms eyes makes me ” crazy” and I need to be ” put on meds” for explaining the emotional trauma she puts me through. The thing is with my mom is, at the end of the day, she is always right… even when right is not right. Her mindset is completely off.
    Lets start off with my adopted sister:
    Growing up I have never really grown to know my sister that well, the picture of her in my life is still blurry. My mom adopted my cousin at a young age because she was not in the best household. After she was adopted things went well until our grandma told her at a family event she was adopted. Her spirit soon was crushed. She became angry with everything and still to this day is. My mom said she could not handle her anymore after apparently trying , and gave my sister/cousin back up. My sister has grown up, and we have tried to get close with her, but she has pushed us away.. which is understandable, I just wish I was there for her and knew what was going on at the time. My mom has compared me to her more and more. In my moms eyes I’m troubled, and I get threatened that she will give me to the state or I can live with my dad.( My dad is disabled so she is implying that I can go with the state or stay there with her).My mom even mistakes her name with my name almost too often, and gets comfortable talking about how she will kick me out for telling her how I feel… she hates when I voice my opinion.

    my mom doesn’t believe in mental health:
    When my mom was a teenager. she told me how she used to be depressed, and life was hard. My mom was abused from her mom, and I think half of the time my mom cuts up, is because of all of the trauma she has been through. I was 12 when I started feeling down all the time, and 13 when I wanted to kill myself.It was my freshman year in high school,and I felt worthless. Me and my mom argued a lot , and that’s when I told her I needed therapy. My mom would tell me to stop speaking these things like ” depression” and “anxiety” over myself, and that I always want something to be wrong with me. my mom still tells me this till this day. Freshman year I would cry everyday and I kept begging my mom to take me to therapy because I was not happy. She took me and my sister Trinity to therapy because it was usually the three of us who would argue( my sister/ mom versus me). Explaining my situation to someone else was hard at first but then it became the best. feeling ever. I could finally let someone know how I felt and not get judged. After all of our therapy sessions were over, all of our therapist talked and said that me and my mom mainly needed co- therapy. My mom signed up for another session and then we went home. Apparently my insurance only covered a session, and to come back we would have to pay. My mom didn’t want to pay and 3 years later, I haven’t gone back. Fast-forward to Junior year, right now.. My mom says I ” choose to be sad” and she chooses not to get me help because she believes I have ” power over my situation “.. I just wish it was that easy.
    My childhood:
    I am one of those kids who have legit tried to erase their childhood from their memories because it was just painful. When I was a kid I was sexually touched and that has forever changed my life. I was with my sister when it happened and she just stood there confused, I mean we were young .. she did not know what to do, and I was just scared. Jump to Sophomore year… my sister trinity and my mom were having a conversation with me as the topic. It hurt to be in my room and fall asleep crying to the sound of my mother and sister talking about me and bringing up sucky memories. I remember that day waking up and going into the living to get something to eat and my mom saying ” tell me the truth, trinity told me you lied about getting touched.. naomi if you did you are in big trouble because you know we went to court about that”. Evil and Disgusting. I remember that day just screaming and crying because my sister told my mom that she does not ” remember me getting touched as a kid” even though we went to court and the man admitted to what he did. she acted as if it was her experience, her trauma..She could say anything to my mom and brainwash her with hurtful lies even though we were in court about it.Still to this day my sister won’t admit to the evil lie she told , and it still hurts to forgive her for what she said.
    The favorite child:
    No parent wants to own up to having a favorite kid because if they did, they’d look like a shitty parent.( excuse my language ) Meet trinity(again). She is the favorite kid in the family and even owns up to it. she has actually said and I quote ” Yes I know I am the favorite child but it’s only because I can relate to mom more”. There’s a difference between being able to relate to something , and absolutely sucking up to someone. I do envy my sister, only because she is liked by almost everyone and her relationship with our mom. She abuses her title big time. She’s the middle child, and knows how to get you in trouble. If she is mad at you … she could make you feel like poop, talk about you OUTLOUD with your mom, and then verbally abuse you or even push you around.. my mom never bothers to deal with it. Once I get so tired of it and say something I get in trouble and my mom tells me to stop “bullying your older sister”.. which makes no sense only because my sister could start it, and I am the only one in trouble. Hanging out with them is even worse. I feel like I am always third wheeling ,it is even worse when they are both mad at me and tell me to ” shut up” or ” stop talking “, and even cuss me out together. My sister knows her worth in this household and has so much authority,.. it’s crazy.
    Grades:
    My mom believes that grades are more important than anything. Right now I absolutely bummed my Algebra 2 test, and my mom gave me a rant about how I am lazy, and how I do not try. I wish she just understood how hard junior year is… my mom tells me I don’t work hard enough. Some days. I go straight from school to work to dance and get home late. She pushes me to try hard in each of those categories, and it stresses me out. She has never sat me down to ask me how I feel because she ” doesn’t wanna hear it” and I ” always have an excuse”. ” There’s always room for improvement” she says… but It’s overwhelming , and I hate that I am not perfect enough for my own mother.

    Marriages:
    Me and my sisters all have different dads. My mom has been in and out of marriages and has gotten divorced numerous of times. I feel guilty for saying this but sometimes it is hard to love her.. but I still try to when I can because I know all she has been through.
    Brother:
    After my brother died I was the” miracle child”. I came right after my brother and brought my mom joy. He was killed in the hospital after he was born because they wanted to see if he was breathing and sent an adult breathing tube instead of a children’s breathing tube down his throat. He choked on it, and died in my mothers arms. I feel like I let her down. Sometimes I wish he was here instead of me because I just know he’d bring everyone so much joy and happiness that I can’t really provide. I mean he would be the first boy of the family and protect the family , watch over the family.. Just do so much that I can not really do..
    Happiness:
    I remember being so happy, and I miss that feeling. I hate feeling the way I do because of what I am going through. My mom says ” If you are not happy here you will not be happy anywhere else”, and I have to disagree. I feel like I am happy almost every place but home.
    Moving:
    So present day, right now.. I want to live with my dad but its not possible because of his situation. My mom will not let me stay with a friend because she says ” I do not want to put that burden on any one else’s parents”. Some of friend’s parents are totally okay with taking me in, but my mom always says no. I’m thinking about living with my sister , but she lives with her friend and I would have to help out with rent there, but the problem is, I do not make enough for rent. So at this point it’s either I go with the state or stay at home.

    Confused: At this point I have no idea what to do. She hates that I express how I feel and just pushes everyone away. I want to be there for her because she is my mother but it is just not healthy at all, especially since our relationship has been this way for such a long time, any advice?( sorry this got really deep and personal,)

    1. I think you should call social services, me and you are in the same boat and i truly wish i could call in but i just cant bring myself to do it. Im 16 (f) a junior and in a emotionally and verbally abusive household. I moved with my biological father from my mothers abusive (physically as well as emotionally abusive) household. Im so sorry for the hurt your familys abuse has caused you, you’re not alone. if you need a friend, my instagram is @leylexys, im not supposed to have it but i do for texting my sisters and brothers, and you can text me if you ever need a friend. please get help for yourself and even possibly your siblings and mother. stay strong, hailey <3

      1. hi lexie ❤️
        this was beautiful i appreciate you so much. i would love to have a friend and talk to you but your @ on instagram isn’t showing up!! so here is mine @naomihughesss , dm me if you find me. i’m currently going to try and get help because i feel like things are getting worse and worse . thank you so much this has truly blessed me .
        xoxo-naomi

  14. Living in my house is hell. I’m constantly stressed. I never know when my family will start fighting. My parents constantly fight and talk about getting divorced. I tried to encourage them to go to therapy again but they refused. When I asked to go to therapy my mom told me moving out will be my therapy. I’ve never had a good relationship with my mom. She hates me. I cant even tell you the awful shit shes said to me. She gives me such bad panic attacks that I puke from the stress. She thrown all of my stuff outside and made me leave for days at a time to stay at friends houses. She frequently comments on my weight and has made me insecure from a young age. Yesterday she lied and told me my dog was dying and to go say goodbye. He was not dying or sick she just said it to hurt me. I am so sick of living with her. I turn 18 in 10 months right before I go off to college. I could’ve saved thousands of dollars by going to junior college but instead I’m going to stay in a dorm. The 100k worth of debt is worth it if I dont have to be near her. I honestly wonder if I’ll live long enough to go to college. Living like this makes me want to kill myself. I just wish my mother loved me.

  15. so im 12 years old and i am currently living with my mom and shes struggling with finances and i have some clothes and bed and all the stuff i need to live but she told me to go to hell about 6 times and also called me the c word twice and cusses a lot twords me and ALWAYS threatens me to go live with my dad today she threw a bag of cereal at me and said PICK THAT UP YOU DIRTY —— PIG i was only on the couch watching youtube she spent this day beeping over costs of utilites and that stuff and was screaming at my nana, im tired of her cussing and how she always tells me to go hell, my mom and dad are divorced and they live in different states, every other weekend i go with my dad.. I dont wanna live down there because i would leave my school and we have a super small apartment with no ac and internet and he only has 1 towel to shower with.. My life would be much better if my mom was way nicer… And i must add that i have 3 fish tanks and 2 hamsters that i adore and it is to much work to get them to another state, also considering the fact my father hates rodents and wouldnt even allow a dog and ive spent most of my life online since its difficult to make friends and i only have 1 so all my friends are online and i would basically giving up my life my mom was nice when me and my little brother were kids now she just is the meanest thing ever..

  16. Just another depressed teen

    I’m a 14 year old girl, id say my father started sexually and mentally abusing me around the age of 9. I mainly just want to get this off my chest since i have no friends to talk to since I’m not emotionally available and don’t want to leave home and send my 7 year old brother into a foster home (My father does nothing to him, hes basically my kid since i raised him, so i protect him the best i can.). There’s a few certain stories that come up when i think of my father, I’ll start with the least intense ones. once when me and my two sisters were all around the age of 9 mt father “saved my mother a ice cream cone” (looking back at it he obviously ate it and blamed it on us) and locked the three of us in our basement until one of us confessed. none of us did it and it went on for weeks until we sent my older sister up (i still feel like a monster) i forget what happened after that but I’m sure i don’t want to remember. Ive talked it over with my sisters who both remember it as well. The less was what i feel broke me as a child the mos.t he’s home never mind, i might comment again later if i have time.

  17. Both my parents are alcoholics…my mom has eating disorders. My mom and dad are verbally abusive. Except it’s confusing because they will say they’re proud of us and blah blah but then they say we don’t do anything and we’re failures. They’re also physically abusive. I will never forget when my mom gave my little brother a bloody nose. And whenever she hits us my dad just sits there and does nothing. He’s kicked my older sister out of the house and will soon do that to my older brother. We’ve tried to get help form child services but the case was closed. Now I’m super depressed all the time and I cut myself and have suicidal thoughts all the time my mom even told me it would be better if I killed myself.

  18. My mom is verbally & physically abusive & my siblings defend her. i can’t take it anymore. i’m 17 years old, 5 more months & i turn 18. i “ran away” a couple days ago (i just went to a friends house for one night) because she took my car (she didn’t pay for it) & used it & she tried taking my phone & i didn’t let her so i left. i already have a place set that my coworker is gonna let me stay at & be roommates, w everyone else. i have a plan to leave when i’m 18. im gonna slowly pack before & then on the day i’m 18 im going to leave a note & leave. i know it sounds hurtful but my mom has backhanded my face, & made me bleed. she has slapped my like 10 times while i was driving. she has pulled my hair hard & call me really bad names. i don’t wanna seem selfish, but that’s why i have to leave a note when i move out because then my siblings & my mom will talk shit to me about leaving & laugh in my face. they have laughed at me because i’ve said i’m gonna move out when i’m 18. so i’m gonna change my number when i do move out, just to cut all communication. i’m not happy at home anymore, at all. im ready to leave & i know what i want. it’s time.

  19. My mom abuses me she beats me and my grandmother won’t let me stay at her house she doesn’t understand the way my mom treats my sister and I I wish I could escape but I can’t

    1. I am sorry, I am a grandmother who can’t legally rescue my grandson from his horrible parents. I can’t imagine not trying to help.

  20. Hi, I’m a 15 year old human. I’m non-binary and LGBT, but I’m also a Christian. My situation is difficult because my parents are divorced, but they are really struggling with money. I can see my dad though, he lives nearby. The other problem is that I have a bird, that would need to stay somewhere with me. What my mom does is she verbally/emotionally abusives me. Both of my parents are older too. So what she does is:
    -controls all the finances,
    -guilt tripping
    -tries play with my emotions
    -took away my computer for two weeks
    -gets mad at me for small reasons
    -makes threats about myself and my bird.
    -wants me to care for her, even though she doesn’t support me much emotionally.
    -says she disappointed in me
    -expects too much of me and in general is somewhat hard on me
    -wants me to be realistic
    -tries to guilt me with Bible verses

    Good things she does:
    -makes me food
    -provides me shelter
    -provides me allowance
    -takes me to doctors and dentists
    -gives me a bed
    -gives me good business advice
    -sorta loves me
    -does my laundry/dishes/chores etc
    -sometimes tells me to read the Bible
    -wakes me up

    (The ironic thing is that she worked in mental health for many years, and doesn’t realize she’s doing this stuff to me…she works very hard.)

    Problems of leaving home:
    -I need to be close to my school
    -nothing is in Florida
    -mom controls the finances (But doesn’t have college money)
    -I need to go to private school
    -my dad doesn’t have enough money to take care of me ( he’s not abusive at all)
    -my bird needs to stay with me
    -we (my bird and I) need a place nearby to go that’s near my school, and near my dad.

    If anyone can help, that would be great.

  21. this really helped.
    i’m really glad i read this article!
    i’m asking a few of my friends if i can live with them, but if that doesn’t work, there is a youth home in my town. i’m not sure how i’ll get there, but it gives me hope.
    thank you.

  22. I know this article is geared towards kids, but I can empathize. I sustained a spinal injury at work in 2017. I started having seizures, so my doctor took a look at other things. He found that I have an auto immune disease. They are still trying to figure out which one.
    The clenched here is that due to the fact that I can’t work, I had to move back in with my parents. 3 of my siblings also still live at home.
    My family has always been abusive, but I didn’t understand that until last November.
    My boyfriend at the time beat me up pretty bad. My parents, who were my only transportation at the time, didn’t want to take me to the ER. My regular doctor wrote a note saying I had to go to the hospital for tests (yes, my doctor half lied for me). My mom did take me bc of the note. The people at the ER called the advocate counselor, and the police. It was scary at first, but the more I told my story, the more safe I felt.
    Going back home to my less than supportive family wasn’t pleasant.
    I am currently going to a psychologist, who has taught me that part of why I keep picking abusive partners is that a lot of what I grew up with (and still deal with) was abuse and neglect.
    I’m currently seeking help to move out.
    Please, don’t wait until you are 32 to get help. I have 3 kids I barely get to see. It breaks my heart everyday that the family I want to be with, my children, can’t be bc of the conditions I was brought up into believing were ok.
    You are wonderful, and deserve love, and support. Its scary. I’m not going to lie. I’m scared everyday right now until I can figure out another living situation, but trust me, You are worth it. Never think that someone else’s bad behaviour is your fault. You can’t control their brain.
    Lots of love to all of you!

  23. My dad is abusive and I’ve tried to ask and call for help but it only made my life living here worse. I told my school counselor in 7th grade who called social services and they came to our house. Nothing happened and I only got abused even more afterwards. My dad threatened to punch me in the face just yesterday and slammed my head against the wall of times because I got into a fight with my mom. I tried using online as a support but I can’t be online much anymore because I have no electronics of my own. The abuse started when I came out as transgender a year ago at a treatment center. The coping skills I use is art but I’m constantly told my art is crap and it’s not good. I cant transition yet because of my age and I’m scared to live at home. I feel like I have no one to turn to now. My dad has grabbed me, punched me, kicked me, called me names and told me to kill myself once. I need help, if I don’t do something then Im not sure what will happen to me.

    1. Is there anyone in another location you can talk to, maybe move to someone’s house (like a friend or relative)? If not, you need to make sure you know someone at school who you can talk to. I’m not licensed in any way, but I’m pretty sure talking to someone you trust (peer, counselor) will help heal you emotionally. Whenever you can access electronics, you can message me or anyone else here, and I’ll reply as soon as possible. It’s unfair to ask this of you, but you need to stay as strong as you can until help arrives–you are a stronger person than your father, because he is abusive and you aren’t. Keep that in mind. Your art is as good as you believe it is; after all, you made it, so you decide how great it is, not others. Again, any time you need to vent or simply talk to someone, I’ll make sure I can help.

      1. My dad keeps abusing me mentally and physically but I don’t know about my siblings And here I am a 12 year old girl searching on the internet for surviving and I am glad that I found this you gave me hope that things could change and that I can survive

  24. im not putting my name

    my mom abused me 10 minutes ago this is what she did. at first I turned around when I was walking down the stairs and my mom was close to me so my elbow accidently hit her stomach it wasn’t that hard. then she got mad and kicked me in my side down like 8-9 stairs and I hit the wall at the bottom im 10 so im really light. I was crying then I got up we verbally fought she grabbed my xbox controller and took it down stairs. then I grabbed it and tried to go to my room but she grabbed me and slapped me and pulled my hair until I went to the ground in pain. then I got up she was in the kitchen we fought again verbally and she went to the living room and grabbed my controller and through it at my ankle I I fell on the ground in pain crying. btw when we were verbally fighting she said she hated me and wanted me to die. and my controller broke from the impact of hitting my ankle. please can somone please help she always makes up lies about how she doesn’t touch me I only hit her (sometimes I fight back) so no one believes me so I just stuck living with her I try to tell people at school but they think I kidding. I don’t know what to do.

    1. Do you have access to a camera of some sort? Take pictures of any marks she leaves on you if you can. Or get someone at your school to take pictures for you. Also keep a journal of what she does to you, with dates. Find an adult you can trust and tell them what’s going on. Show them your journal and/or pictures. Think of a relative you could stay with if she is reported. Once she’s reported, refuse to live with her anymore. Tell the authorities you’ll run away if they send you back. If you don’t have a relative that is willing to take you in, you might end up in foster care, so be ready for that. I know it might be scary, but you don’t deserve to live with her and she could end up hurting you permanently. Try to find help as soon as you have a bit of evidence of what she’s doing.

  25. I am currently 14 years old, my birthday is in 17 days. I live with a mom who is bipolar. My 16 year old sister is what keeps me alive. I love her so much and though at times she is annoying I would die without her. Anyways I remember the year my mom tried to kill herself in the bathroom. My stepdad whom I love dearly as I love my sister was in a fight with my mom. I don’t remember what they were fighting about. All I know is that during the time I was 9 years old and my older sister was 11. I forgot where my dad went but when my mom tried killing herself in the bathroom he wasn’t there. I was in my bedroom half falling asleep and I remember hearing my sister open the bathroom door and then I heard the sounds of slaps. My sister saved my mom from killing herself. I remember hearing the screams of my sister as she shouted at my mother to stop. My mom stopped whatever self harm she was doing to herself. And I remember the sounds of my sister running to the living room while my mother chased her to the couch. I eventually got up from bed and opened my door and saw my mom beating my sister, she punched her in the face and screamed at the top of her lungs saying “YOU IDIOT! WHY DIDNT YOU JUST LET ME DIE?!” My sister was screaming and crying and saying that she was sorry. My sister was in a ball on the floor and I saw her face covered in blood. Eventually my stepdad came back home and made my mom stop. Even though my mom didn’t hurt me at the time I was too much of a coward to make her stop hitting my sister. Even now I’m too much of a coward. After my stepdad made her stop he took my mom to the hospital and my mom spent about a week or two in the looney bin. It was during that time my mom was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I remember being abused physically and emotionally as early of the age of 5. I remember when I did something bad like eat candy, or get into stuff that wasn’t mine, etc., my mom would beat me and then I would pee myself.(that’s embarrassing to say) when I peed myself my mom would slap me even more and scream at me to clean it up. After she would take me to the bathroom and make me clean myself. It wasn’t a regular cleaning myself time. It was a nightmare. She would make me take a cold shower and make me wash my peed clothes in the shower. She would shut the bathroom door and shut the light off. I would be in the shower washing my clothes as the cold water dripped against my scrawny body. She said I could get out once my clothes were clean and once i had an answer for why I decided to be a bad girl. During the ages of 5-10 she made me do this every time she beat me and I peed myself. Whenever she beat me I never cried. I never cried in front of her anyways but once my punishment was over and I was sent to bed I would cry myself to sleep. I never fully understood that what she did to me was abuse until age 12. At age 12 I learned to cope with the abuse. I did what she told me to do and did what she told me not to do. I remember one time when I was seven she beat the living sh*t out of me until I cried. She screamed at me and said “Cry damn it! Why won’t you cry?!” I forced myself to cry just so she would stop. I remember other times when she would drag me by my hair or when she punched me in the mouth and said “that’s what you get for being a brat. That’s what you get for being an ugly child. You’re not pretty anymore!” She would say this because I would cry that I had an ugly busted lip. I stopped peeing myself when she beat me at age 12. I don’t get why I would pee myself. I still don’t understand it. She’s had two kids since me and my sister. So it’s my older sister, me, my 9 year old brother, and a 4 year old little sister. My mom is really abusive. At times she says she loves us and that she only beats us when we deserve it. And at times after she abuses us she comforts us and I would feel so special when she would comfort us. It made me feel like she really loved us and then I would tell myself when she abused us it wasn’t her it was just her bipolar. But it’s not, I’m 14 and I have never really been able to be a child. She’s a great mom when she wants to be, she takes us to the zoo, museums, restaurants, parks, movies,and she buys us stuff and etc. I’m confused because she’s nice but then other times she’s not herself. But of course I know to keep my mouth shut because if I ever speak back to her I might as well be dead. Because she’s always right it’s dumb. Now when my mom abuses me I don’t cry. I just deal with it. The ways I cope now are going for a run. Playing basketball or reading. Yeah I’d be a bit sad if my mom was gone because maybe she does love me and because she does what she can for us and she’s the one that’s been here since day one. She recently divorced my stepdad and I hate it. I just want to get away from home or have someone to talk to. I won’t tell anyone about the abuse because if I told anyone my mom would kill me. I know she would. I really want to get away from home. I need to use my voice I know I do but if I did I might as well be dead. There’s a lot more of abuse stories that have happened in my life but I’m sick of writing of my past it makes me want to cry and I haven’t cried since the day my dad was in the hospital for heart issues. When I’m older I’m joining the army at age 18 to get away from home and to be able to afford college and become an FBI agent or prosecutor, my goal in life is to be as far from the type of women my mother is. I will never be like her, never.

    1. Wow, I just want to say are you reglious I would strongly advice you to maybe start going church and find God.
      I am 25 and living at home and my mum is abusive emotionally and mentally, stay sting nothing last forever l, and through my Lord and saviour heya Christ is the reason why I am able to stay strong until the day I leave (also my two sister and older sister) I am praying for you. God Bless!

    2. I doubt religion will help you with your trauma or situation, but therapy and support from others will. If you haven’t already, seek out someone to talk to (student counsellor, therapist, for example). My sister is bipolar. She has kids. She treats her kids (and everyone else) nice when it’s convenient for her, but the next day she treats them like crap. She’s also abusive. Your mom is sick and there’s unfortunately nothing that you can do to help her. I think the best thing you can do is keep a journal of her behaviour, photo or video evidence too, and report her if she continues her abuse. If you trust your step-dad, try talking with him. Tell him you don’t think it’s a good idea for you and your siblings to live with her anymore. Maybe you can work something out with him. If you can’t, go to the authorities. Another option is to work something out with your older sister. She’s almost 18, and when she is she can live on her own and work full time. Maybe you can live together with her. Maybe your younger siblings could too (if your step dad is unwilling to help). You could work part time and help with bills while finishing school. These are just a couple options. What works depends on your situation.

  26. Completely anonomuys

    The abuse is going on right now as i’m typing this..
    My dad raised his hand on me and screamed at me to sit down or there will be a red hand-print over my face. ( basically he said he was going to slap me hard.)
    I’m 13 and i live in a country where things like this are usually silenced.
    I’m screwed.

  27. I’m currently in highschool and have grew up with abusive Bengali parents all my life. I wouldn’t say it started to an extreme until a couple years ago. The abuse is both physical and mental, but the physical.abuse is worse. My parents usually beat me with a large wooden stick and with their hands. They di stop until the stick breaks or I run outside for the day. It isn’t all bad though, my parents place a huge emphasis on school and I go to a stem academy and Excell in school. I have great friends but they don’t know the full extent of the abuse. I’ve had to come to school and make up excuses for scars and bruises but I cherish time away from home the most. I live like an animal at home, never knowing if I will be beaten that day, and also whether I can get my school work done. My brother was in the same situation and has since moved to college and is immensely happy. I can’t wait till I go to college and move on. The most important part to survivjng and not killing myself is remembering the day I’ll be free at last

    1. Don’t kill yourself! I go through the same with indian parents. My dad abuses me badly but i cannot mention it because this is my school computer. Stay strong and strive for college, i do it too. Sending lots of blessings to you. Good luck

  28. I’d like to thank you for this article. Although it doesn’t exactly apply to specific situations, it helps a lot of people. I myself am currently trying to figure out whether my dad is abusive. If he is, I don’t know what to do. CPS has been called on him multiple times. He always finds a way to smooth things over. If he finds this comment, (which he most certainly will, hi dad) he will say he’s not abusive and I’m overreacting. Maybe I am.

  29. I am at present 20 yrs old. I had a abusive father and i tried everything i could possibly think of including not provoking, isolating myself, getting highest grades possible, never made friends. Everything! Then 2 yrs back when i couldn’t take any more, i called police. I wanted to get him arrested but a uncle convinced me the value of family and i (foolish enough) backed. Then his abusiveness decreased a bit but toxicity increaded. I was okay with that. But now my younger brother has become a bigger monster then him. He uses the mascle mass advantage that boys get at puberty to beat me. Whenever he wishes. He doesn’t even need provocation. And i simply do nothing about it! Sometimes i feel that maybe it is me, i mean earlier father now brother. I started feeling like probably I deserve what i am getting. Maybe father was right after all, i should have died the day i was born. Its suffocating to breathe. And i alredy exhusted every help possible, being to police, being to child help, being to psychiatrist. I can’t afford paid online tutor. Plz help! I need it..

    1. Love, you are 20 years old… get a job and find your own place! Crash at a friends! You aren’t a minor, and you don’t have to deal with this

  30. Hey I’d like to add that if you’re like me and not being physically abused but rather mentally and emotionally abused and you don’t identify as a girl but your parents or parent or parental guardian refuses to acknowledge it or your preferred pronouns is emotional abuse and also I am not of legal age to even get a job, I’m getting emotionally and mentally abused by my parents.. so I have no money that’s my own, I have no way of leaving, so i am fully relying on my “parents” if you wanna call em that and of course there’s people at school but with my ‘record’ no one would believe me and I have no friends so you say you want to helps us and that this is a *super perky voice* HOW TO GUIDE or whatever. none of this is gonna help me get out of an abusive situation with no ability to leave or stay so what do I do?

    1. I am also in a emotionally abusive home and I’m a minor so I can’t leave but even if I could I unfortunately have to stay in contact even after I’m 18 because I’m a gymnast and they have to pay for it if I want to continue I’m also a trans boy but they say I’m ready for any boy stuff and still tell me to do girly things my therapist is partly to blame for that

  31. I’ve reached out for help my family has had cases with children services and they have all been closed. no one listens to me or my siblings my mom is manipulative and very convincing so the case worker listens to her every time. she always makes it seem like i’m the one doing something wrong i’m Home schooled and have no friends I told my aunt about what my mom was doing but she didn’t believe me i am turning sixteen and i cant stay here any longer, my sister is 18 and she wants to leave and get the rest of my siblings out but she has mental and physical problems. I’m depressed and have been to so many different hospitals and always get sent back home. even if I turn 18 i feel like my mom won’t let me leave. I don’t have any social skills and bad grades on the home school program i do so i feel like i wont graduate from high school and be stuck at home forever.

  32. Thank you for writing this but I literally have no one that can help me. My abusive parents have severed all connections to our other family members, family friends, and I am never even allowed to leave the house basically ever! I haven’t had a friend in years because I literally am not allowed to make any. Seriously! I have been dealing with the abuse for almost 8 years! I’ve tried running away, I’ve attempted suicide, (thank goodness I didn’t succeed on the latter) And I’ve just given up! I can’t call child services because my abusive dad always keeps the only working phone with him at all times! I have severe depression, and on top of all that My siblings hate me too! I can’t move out because I am only 13 and I’ve tried everything! What do I do?

    1. You need to continue to try and get help!! Try and keep recordings of the abuse so you have evidence, any marks you have keep as evidences.

  33. I am 14, and I was put into foster care at 5. I have been abused everyday of my life, physically, emotionally and verbally. I am tired of it. I don’t have a phone to call for help, and I can’t tell anyone because no one will believe me. Everyone thinks my foster/adopted mom is so sweet and kind, when in reality, she isn’t. What can I do? If I leave, she’ll call the police and say that I’ve run away because I don’t want people telling me what to do. That’s not the truth. I run away because I am TIRED of being treated like trash. Plus, she says she loves me, but she’s lying. If she really loved me, she wouldn’t abuse me. I can’t escape, and it’s ruining my life. What should I do? Please help…I can’t take it anymore….

    1. This is my problem exactly, but the only difference is BOTH of my parents partake in my abuse, I am only 13 and have been abused for almost 8 years, they try to minipulate me into thinking I deserve their abuse. I really need help getting out of this.

  34. Im still too young to move out, but i wish i could. She physically and emotionally abuses me. She beats the crap out of me for no reason, she pins me down onto the ground, not letting me escape.. She tells me lots of excuses. Then when i ask her : “are u telling me excuses? She drags me off the sofa and beats the life out of me.. the one thing that breaks my heart the most.. she threatens to hand my ipad to my aunt so that i cant play.. she knows my ipad is my one and only bff.. so she threatens to send it away whenever she wants to make me triggered or sad. Im already depressed at such a young age. Suicide is an option but its wrong to commit suicide in my religion, so i cant. Someone help me get away from this crazy wombat..

  35. I want to run away… My mother physically and verbally abuses me. I can’t take it, and I’ve been dealing with it for years. I’m 17 now. The thoughts of running away still linger in my head. At 5, I was molested by my half brother, who’s 7 years older than me. I have nightmares or get triggered by it now. I witnessed my father yelling and pushing his girlfriend. When i got a dog at 10, he’d pee everywhere and my mom would hit him, yelling at him. I felt so bad. Sometimes for small stupid stuff, she’d yell at me, shove me, knock me to the ground or grab me by the throat, pushing me against the wall, yelling at me. I used to dig my nails into my forearms to distract myself from the abuse. I stopped, the yelling matches began again, I wanted to feel pain so bad.

  36. I have a physically and verbally abusive mother, my sister and I always tried to find a way to get independence from her but that seemed to enrage her more, her excuse was that she was the parent and she works so we don’t have to work. Thus we have no money to move out. I’m pretty quiet and don’t have friends to rely on besides my sister. We used to have cats and she would threaten to throw them out if I told her to not hit me or if u wanted to leave just to not deal with her. She would threaten my sister about hurting her dog too. Just a day two days ago my sister and i were hanging out with our mom and she like always tries to find a reason to get nasty with us so we tell her to stop that we just want to have a nice day with her but she insisted on being angry. We left her and went back home. She comes back and sees us having dinner and starts arguing that we disrespect her are ungrateful. That we always use her money and stuff and then threw our drink across the room, we are tired of having to deal with this but we have no support other than each other. Our mom always threatens to kick us out or says she will leave us but if we don’t beg her she gets more angry at us. I don’t know what to do

  37. Ive made a lot of dumb teenager mistakes. I was self destructive (still am) and really am just a rebellious depressed teenager.. the problem is that my parents take it a lot farther than most parents would. I’m not even sure if this is abuse because CPS swept my case under the carpet like it was nothing, but the way it makes me feel has me thinking otherwise. Also, like you mentioned, they can’t always do anything about it but it blows my mind how they never did anything for me. When I was younger (3-5 years old) my parents used to take away my bed (my mattress) until I cleaned my room… I was three years old when they started doing that. Not really abuse, I know, but they were just absolutely ridiculous. They’d also only feed me bread and water but I think that’s whatever. My mom had a roommate at the time (I was around 4-5 years old) named Theresa. My step dad Brian walked in on her taking a shower and pinned her naked to the ground and screamed in her face while I watched it all through the crack of the door. They acted like it was no big deal. I argued with Brian about whether or not a tomato was a fruit when I was 10 and he locked me up for nearly an entire summer… like a prisoner.
    My parents almost had a divorce because my mother had an affair when I was around 12-13 years old.. One day my mom was taking us to her affair’s house for a night and she needed diapers inside our house for my little sister. I ran inside and Brian was there, drinking in the kitchen. He saw me and started screaming “KISS ME! KISS ME” and yeah he was drunk and whatnot… but that was out of line. He chased me to the van and continued to say that… to this day, my mom says that I shouldn’t be freaked out by that and that he must’ve mistaken me for her, but I remember him yelling “KISS ME LAY” so I know damn well he knew it was me. I will forever hate Brian. Obviously for good reason.
    I’m always being locked up. It doesn’t matter what I do. I tend to turn to addictive substances like alcohol or nicotine and alcohol because I just can’t stand being sober in my own home anymore. I came home drunk at 3am one day (I was 15 years old) and my parents threw me at a table leg, then forced me to the ground. Brian sat on me while my mom grabbed scissors and cut my hair off while they screamed names like “whore” and I can still remember my mom saying “how many guys have you seen tonight you whore?”. Yes, I was intoxicated. I wish I was drunk enough to forget my parents calling me all those names. When I went to school the next day the detectives heard my story and CPS and the cops went to talk to my parents… but they’re manipulative. The cops no longer believed me because I was intoxicated the night it happened. Even after I showed them my chopped to pieces hair they didn’t do anything. I had to live with the people who did that to me, so I became even further depressed.
    I tried to kill myself by jumping out of my moms van because I couldn’t take it anymore. My mom swerved and I lived to see another day. She brought me to the hospital and they brought me to a mental institution. Basically a nut house. I liked the nut house, though, oddly enough. After all they put me through, it makes sense that I was a depressed nut. It didn’t help me because I knew I would be returning the house —and back into the “care” of Brian and my mom — right after. I spent 8 days there. Then I went into therapy for a while but the effects didn’t last long. I feel like therapy only helped my situation because my parents were scared of being reported by my therapist if they didn’t “improve”. I wish my therapist had called CPS because now, 6 months later, I am back to suffering.
    The only reason my life improved was because my therapist made my mother force Brian to mostly stay out of my life. She brought reason into my family. It was the clearest my life has ever been.
    I’m 17 years old, so obviously I wanted to be like any other teenager and “live it up”…I’m a senior in high school so I started making a few dumb decisions again. My life has gone back to crap lately because I was raped at a party… I don’t know how to not hate myself for it and my depression has come back. I attempted suicide the other day.. I just didn’t take enough pills. I’ve started cutting again. I’ve lost nearly 20 pounds. I smoked pot for a while to help with the anxiety, and it’s honestly the best antidepressant I’ve ever had. But I started smoking less because I wanted to quit with a friend of mine.. she and I decided we wanted to be healthier.
    But then I started drinking again.
    It was only for a week, but I was getting drunk every day. At lunch, before class, in the shower, whenever I could drink, I drank. At lunch one day though, my parents went into the family van (where all the leftover pot was && the alcohol && my vape) and found everything.
    Think they took the 3am drunk thing was bad?
    Now it’s back to the name calling and I’m locked up in my own home. I’m just a prisoner here. This happens every single time I get depressed.. I’m locked in a hell for a home with a mom and a Brian that almost seem to enjoy locking me up and calling me names. They are now threatening to call the cops on me or sign me in to a psych ward so I can’t graduate when I intended to.
    I tried telling my mom about what happened to me.
    She doesn’t believe me because I never reported it and says I probably deserved it for putting myself in that situation. Let me repeat that: my mother said that I deserved to get raped.
    I can’t report it because it’s a bit more complicated than that.. I got myself into a deep hole so the only thing I can do to help myself is try to get over it. Not to mention I’ve waited too long to report it. Trust me, it’s just one more thing to hate myself for.
    My mom saying I deserved it though? Sure as hell didn’t help.
    If you were looking for a happy ending, my story’s not it. At least not yet. Because I’m either suffering && locked up in this house for the next 177 days until I turn 18 or I’m being sent to a psych ward.
    On the bright side of things, the friend I was getting healthier with? She and I are now dating and she’s helping me get through this the best she can. Her family is the closest I’ll ever have to a good happy family and I’m pretty sure I’ll be moving in with them on April 9, 2019 (when I turn 18❤️❤️) until she and I can get our own place together. I also plan on starting to see a therapist again to help battle my depression once again. It gets tiring and I keep having suicidal episodes, but I also will try to get my green card to help if I’m still battling depression after I turn 18.
    Wish y’all the best of luck,
    Beautiful article and I’m glad you’re better now,
    Lay
    Psssss sorry for the long rant

    1. I’m so sorry about that Lay. I, too, deal with a father who doesn’t care and an verbally and physically abusive mother. She’d hit my dog, slap me, yell at me, or grab me by my throat pushing me against the wall. I’m 17, stopped harming myself, actually started a little bit in elementary school, instead now i just cry in my room. I’m going in a trip to D.C., but she won’t give me my passport and wants to come with me. I don’t want that, but if I try to express my feelings or concerns, she shuts me out. I have had constant thoughts of running away. My family thinks I’m a fat, useless loser. I hate myself. They body shame me. I fast from time to time. I was molested at the age of 5, and I’ve had nightmares about it or similar situations. I’ve been harassed more than once. God, I need to get out…but I don’t know where to go. I can’t take the abuse anymore. I just want to be loved and protected by someone who actually loves me. It’s a shame I don’t know what love is…

      1. I know its difficult i have an entire family body shaming me. And childhood was enough traumatic to make me male phobic. I can’t bear to touched by a male no matter what! I am trying to gat over it. People say share but sharing hasn’t helped my case a bit. Instead now people just distance them from me so that they are safe. No one is coming to the rescue. Help urself. If u r really overweighted then do efforts to lose weight but do that for urself. U will be healthier and health does bring happiness. Stop seeking their approval. Abusive parents are bottomless hell. There is nothing u could ever do to be worthy enough.its little something i learned too late. But its alright. Late is better than never

  38. I’m 19 still in 10th grade because of the financial issues that my family had and going physical and verbal abuse from my mother and verbal abuse from my dad and now from my older brother .. My mom have been physically hurting me since I was a teenager told to myself that I would get out of here when I will get older but now I’m 19 haven’t completed my high school won’t get a job and I feel so helpless now I don’t even talk about it to anyone even if would my mom would torture me after that I don’t know for how long I have to go through this . So yeah that’s my story and I don’t see anything getting better

  39. My dad has been both physically and mentally abusive in the past and for a very long time I blamed myself for him hitting me or constantly insulting me, I thought it was just part of our culture. I thought it was always something I did and I just had to be better. He completely crap on my self-esteem and it’s only been a year since I recognized his behaviour as abuse. Since then I’ve called a few hotlines but there really is no great solution to this other than just living out my sentence for two more years. Most of the thing’s he’s done to me and my siblings I have wiped completely from my memory but I remember new things everyday like how he used to beat us with a curtain rod or how he punched two of my teeth out for no apparent reason. He was the reason for my first attempt at suicide and my self-harm starting at the age of 11. The worst part of all this is he’s so extremely indifferent and unaware of his behaviour. He still continues to believe there is something wrong with us. He’s gradually getting better with medication but the slightest thing he does triggers me and I have to relive a thousand memories that just sends me spiralling into panic attacks. I really thought he could change with medication but just a few days ago he threw plates at my mom and her feet were bloody for weeks. After I leave college I’m never coming back. It helps to know there so many other people that are going through what I’m going through but it also breaks my heart. You guys are so strong and I wish you all the best.

  40. One of the best tips on surviving abusive parents when you can’t leave home is a comment from a reader, below:

    “I can’t wait to leave either. We need to hold on to that leaving date and remember that we’re responsible for our own happiness.”

    You may be young, you may feel helpless and hopeless, and you may be right about both! Maybe you are helpless and hopeless right now. But this is a season in your life that will pass so fast. I couldn’t WAIT to be out on my own, to leave my abusive mother. In fact, I called Social Services and asked to be put in a foster home – that’s how bad it was. My mom suffers from schizophrenia, and it was really bad to live with her.

    Take stock of your situation. Can you survive the next X number of years with your abusive parents? If not, talk to a guidance counselor, social worker, or even the police. It sucks, but if your parents can’t take care of you….somebody has to! And if nobody is volunteering, then you need to find a safe place for yourself.

    I know it’s not fair, and it hurts. You deserve good, healthy, supportive parents. You didn’t do anything to deserve abusive parents, and you don’t deserve to be stuck trying to survive and not being able to leave home.

    How can you ease the pain of the next few months or years, living with your parents? What can you do to make life easier, better, healthier…and even happier?

  41. My mom is abusive aswell both mentally and physically although she hasn’t hit me since I was younger. To get away from it I applied for a university overseas in England. Although she found out and won’t let me accept my offer. I’m not financially independent and honestly will not be able to afford it without help from my parents. My dad is fine but pretends he doesn’t see when she does stuff. I used to go hang with friends in town to escape from it but I think she’s copped onto it and won’t let me go out anymore, she’s been doing this for the last few times I want to leave she’ll be sweet to me the whole day let me get all dressed up and ready then won’t let me leave like it’s some form of entertainment for her, and if I don’t react in a way she can see I’m physically upset or cry she’ll do even worse stuff. It’s like I’m living a Cinderella story i have three other siblings but I’m the only one who does chores even tho I’m the one with exams coming up. I’m just so frustrated and there’s so much more I can’t even type. I applied for a job and did an interview that seemed to go well and everything has gotten so much worse the idea of me having financial independence seems to irk her and now going away for college seems impossible. She brings it up all the time saying menacing things like if I don’t go to college in Ireland i should forget going at all or that’s she’ll make this summer horrible before i go and it’ll just be me and her in this house and she’ll deal with me. Just so many things I’m hoping If i work full time I’ll have a little escape but I honestly considered killing myself today

  42. I’m 19 years old. I will be finally moving out in August so I will be able to escape my abusive household but it feels like because I’m leaving things have gotten worse. My mom was raised in a physically abusive household and married my emotionally abusive father to escape from it. So I suppose she has always been emotionally abusive because it’s what she has been around her whole life. But it got alot more noticable after she married my stepfather 6 years ago. My stepfather is another piece of work, but I don’t care about him. I only care about my mom. Whatever he says, she listens to . When they first started dating, he told my mom that she coddles me too much, so she stopped showing me affection and comforting me when I cry. Then she gets upset when I refuse to show her affection. If she has a bad day, she will take it out on me; she will yell at me for anything I do, and say I don’t care about her because I always make her angry. That’s what I hear all the time. My stepdad is pretty abusive to both my mom and I, and for that reason I don’t like him. I’ve tried expressing that to my mom, but she gets very angry and says things to hurt me because I “hurt her”. If she is hurt, she needs to hurt me too. I really am so tired of it, and so I applied and got accepted to a university a year earlier than I was supposed to, because I reached a point where I can’t handle living here much longer. If i didn’t get into my university, then I probably would have taken a break from school and worked full time in order to move out. Now that I am about to move out, all i hear is “why does it matter, you’re leaving me anyway” or “I left my house because of my parents too. I know what you’re doing” or “you’re leaving and you never ever spend time with me. I don’t know why you are like that with me.” It’s as if she is making me guilty because I am leaving. I really just need to find out how to cope with being here my last 4 months..but it’s so hard. The finish line feels so close but so far away.

    1. I’m leaving in September too. I managed to escape to my boyfriend’s during some of high school but he broke up with me and i was forced to move back here. Not more than a week has gone by and she’s yelling and screaming the house down, accusing me of conspiring with her friends against her, slamming doors so loud i think they’ll break, and being so horrendous that my dog is shaking under the table.
      I can’t wait to leave either. We need to hold on to that leaving date and remember that we’re responsible for our own happiness.

    2. You are not alone, I read your comment crying, I even went through the same thing but mines is soo worse
      I cant even begin talking about it
      gets me so emotional

  43. I am in a situation where my father is verbally and mentally abusive to myself (15) my younger brother (13) and my mother. I am the only one in the family who feels it something to call out, my mother has admitted to his abusive tendencies and has been fluctuating in her decision of wether or not she is going to leave him. However she does nothing and enables his treatment of the entire family. We take care not to set him off but similar to your article the smallest thing can escalate. Once my brother left his video game chord out and it frustrated my dad so he screamed and yelled for three hours (something that happens approximately every other day) calling him and me names. My mother was not home and he grabbed a belt and threatened to belt him until he bled. Thankfully he waited until my mother came home because she stopped him from doing that, but just the fact that in my brain I was seeing who we could go to(we have no other family in this state), how I could keep my brother from him, and how I could convince my mother to leave him… that weighed heavy on me months after it happened. A week after that event however my mum had to leave for a business trip in New York, she was scared to leave my brother and I so she called my grandfather (who lives out of state) to come and watch us. My dad threatened to have him arrested for trespassing if he set foot into our house, my grandpa didn’t come and I havnt seen him since. There are many other similar events that happened involving my dad sleeping with another women after he got very very drunk, him insulting me daily about my quietness and my facial Condition (he forcefully grabs my face and pushes up my bangs accusing me of messing with it but I haven’t and he just wants to be mean) and him being cruel and short tempered. It wasn’t always this way, I wasn’t always scared of my dad and I didn’t always recognize my home life as abusive. Sometimes in my mind I still doubt if it really is since he doesn’t abuse us physically. My mom recently was going to leave him, she called a lawyer and everything but he spontaneously took her on a trip and now she won’t and she kissed him. She kissed the man who has made me cry so much the night before a school day that I ditch because my eyes are too red and swollen from the night before, the man who told me to kill myself when i was struggling with depression and blamed it on me and my actions instead of maybe helping me to get help, the man who yells at my brother who’s on the spectrum for his tweakiness and how he can’t sit still and convinces him that he’s utterly stupid. I wanted them to separate, which seems weird, but I wanted my mum to have custody and to be away from my father. And that’s not going to happen and they will continue to take away everything, my art, my music, my friends until they have left me so empty I can’t fught the abuse anymore and I give in to sugaring the situation and idolizing my father like my brother does. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to react. I’m alienated because what he says hurts me so badly and apparently I’m the only one still held up on it daily. My brother tells me that it’s better to kiss his ass than to fight it, and my mum tells me that men will be men. I’m so sick and tired and just done of it.

  44. I never said anything abt my parents bcz I thot may be something is wrong with me but I read the signs of mental abuse n realised they were abusive especially my mom. And in my country parents r respected so much that u dare not say a word against them otherwise u r considered an ill mannered child.
    Since childhood they hv been belittling me in front of relatives friends teachers ..everyone. My mom calls me mad calls me ugly n says no guy will marry u.U r worthless.I am looking for job I was good at studies n I cud hv cracked some big exam but she starts shouting n taunting when she sees me with a book n doesnt let me study.

    I get very ill confined to bed for days or monthz bcz of their taunts.

    N there is no law or rule in my country to protect against such abuse as in our country ppl find it hard to believe that parents can be bad.

    I just hate everything no matter how much I try I dont think Ill ever get out of this hell.

    I love my parents but they just mock at me they r heartless n I hate to say this.

  45. Having an abusive family n not being able to leave it bcz u have no where to go n getting mentally abused in home is better than getting abused outiside. Which makes people stay where they r n face abuse.
    We can only pray until God saves us from such sick environment.

    There is no future n no hope when both of your parents are mentally ill.They dont let u study so that u get a job n come out of that hell.
    They take away every support system n behave as if innocent.

    I dont know how to survive.

  46. I’m 18 and just graduated. I’m saving up to move out of my mom’s house, but won’t have enough money or a roommate until 6 months from now. I don’t know how I’m going to survive in this time. My mom had post partum depression for the first 14 years of my life (btw I was unplanned), never hugged me when I cried, tried to diagnose me with personality disorders, told me when I was 10 that she couldn’t wait until I was 18 and could move out. There was a time I had a knife to my wrist in the kitchen and she looked at me and said “do it”. She has told me recently “I never want people like you in my life”. Her new husband likes siding with her too. I have to find a way to figure this out because if I’m not here, I’ll be homeless. I have to be here for 6 more months and I don’t know what to do

  47. I’m a 12 year old-I turned 12 in August-and I have been emotionally abused since my mom lost her baby when I was 5. I was blamed for the loss of her baby. When I turned 9 or 10, my mom began to physically abuse me. When I made a mistake, I was abused. If I say the wrong thing, she yells and tells me how much she hates me and says that she wishes she had had my sister first and then stopped having babies. When I get in a fight with my sister, I am told how much she hates me, and depending on what happened, the abuse sometimes turns physical. About a month ago, the abuse got so bad I threatened to call the cops. She had been hitting me with a flyswatter and a big, thick, cylindrical stick (which my dad normally used to check how much air was in his tires). Once I had made the threat, she stopped. Other times, when it was emotional abuse, I have actually considered running away to my friend’s house(she doesn’t know about the abuse). I am really depressed and have had suicidal thoughts (including an actual suicide attempt, which included me taping a thick pillow to my face to try to suffocate myself). My (other) friend does know, but she doesn’t know how to help me. She wants me to be happy, but she says she doesn’t know how.

    1. Good luck girl believe in yourself and you’re going to make it ❤️ And for the suicidal thoughts I just want to let you know that whatever happens don’t make an irreversible decision over a temporary situation even if it lasts much longer than it should. Not everyone has a lucky childhood but at least you can decide of your adulthood

      1. Some kids don’t have phones to call the cops. Kids like me go through hell and have no one to tell and no one will believe them. Some parent(s) are manipulative and can make the cops believe THEM.

  48. I’m 17 and I’ll be 18 and 9 months. My dad has always been emotionally abusing me but I didn’t realize that it was a form of abuse till recently. He has also abused me physically yesterday for the first time. I can’t go anywhere, my mom doesn’t want to leave him and we moved to a different country last year so my family is very far as well as my friends and I’m alone at home with my parents. I graduated already but I don’t have a job and can’t work because of my foreign status. My dad said he’d stop if I was nice but I still have so much hate in me from yesterday.. I wanted to tell our pastor but he threatened me if I told anyone. I also keep everything in writing just in case and I managed to record him insulting me. I just needed to to tell someone. Thanks for reading.

    1. I have a similar problem. I actually need to start writing everything down like you do. And a recorder sounds useful. Hope it gets better for you. Good luck Anna.

      1. I know what that is like, and I know that most of this won’t help… but you have to keep talking to a close friend. Just stay strong and talk to ANYONE you can trust till you are older. Then you’ll be able to live without depending on your parents. It’s very hard to stay strong, but just remember that you have a whole life ahead of you… don’t let your parents take that away from you. Focus on something you love to do, and maybe in the future you might decide to help other people in similar situations.