4 Ways to Come Alive When You Feel Dead Inside

The good news is that when you’re at the point of saying “I feel dead inside”, you’re ready to start living again! Trust that your feelings of emptiness and meaninglessness will pass. Know that if you take time to listen to and take care of your soul, you will find life and light quicker than you expect. Feeling dead inside isn’t a permanent state, even if you’ve been struggling for a long time.

This article was inspired by a reader who is struggling to accept her relationship breakup. “I feel like I’m a dead soul on the inside,” says Kate on When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else. “I met my boyfriend at work, and I felt my life was complete because he was there for me. Day and day out I feel like I needed him more than he would ever need me. Now he is marrying someone his mother chose for him, and I feel dead inside. I am devastated and feel nothing. I am however going to start going to the gym to have an activity that I could look forward to besides work. But I am so used to having him in my life constantly, I live alone, and I don’t know how to come alive again.”

If you’re brave enough to say “I feel dead inside”, you’ll find you’re not alone. Last month 72,000 people searched for ways to come alive – and the number is increasing. More and more people are seeking deep meaning and purpose in their lives.

Overcoming your feeling of being dead inside won’t be as simple as scrolling through my tips and finding a quick fix. It may have taken years for your empty feelings to develop and take root, which means it may take a long time for them to come alive again.

4 Ways to Come Alive When You Feel Dead Inside

I thought this would be a quick and easy article to write because I know what helped me come back to life after feeling like I was dead inside. But I was wrong.

I feel dead insideThe problem is that different people have different reasons for feeling dead inside. And, what works for one person – such as me or Kate above – won’t necessarily work for the next person.

So, you need to figure out what will work for you. You are the only expert on you, and you know more about yourself than anyone ever will. Your job is to find the crack in the tomb and start prying it open until the light comes in. And then, you will stop saying “I feel dead inside” and start focusing on what brings you alive.

These four steps will get you started…

1. Go back to when you first started to feel numb

When my grandma died, I felt like I was dead on the inside. My grief was overwhelming and constant. All I wanted to do was sleep. I wanted to hide from the world and never wake up.

Sometimes the feeling of being dead inside is actually grief or heartache that is stuck in our hearts, souls, and spirits. Difficult emotions, such as guilt, anger, shame, or regret can cause emotional issues if they aren’t processed or work through. But regardless of the cause – such as my grandma’s death or Kate’s breakup – the feeling is similar. Numb, no feeling, purposeless, emptiness, flat line. No ups or downs, just sad grey nothing.

I knew I needed to grieve my grandma’s death, and then I’d start to feel alive again. Kate needs to grieve the end of her relationship – and she’s already starting by going to the gym and creating activities that will help her heal.

What about you – when did this feeling of being dead inside start? Was there an event, or did it happen gradually? Thinking about this can help you heal and come back to life. If you know what the cause was, you can learn different cures. For instance, if you’re dealing with a breakup you can learn different ways to let go of someone you love. If you’re depressed you can try different natural remedies for depression.

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2. Bring your story out of darkness into the light

Have you talked about what happened to you? Maybe you need to forgive yourself for past mistakes, or share your story with someone you trust. Secrecy and darkness makes everything worse. If you hide your experiences and problems, they will get darker and scarier. But if you tell people that you feel dead inside, you may be surprised at how much support and encouragement you find.

You may even find someone who says, “I experienced the same thing, and I felt dead inside for months. This is what helped me….” Or maybe you don’t need practical ways to come alive. Maybe you just need to tell someone what happened to you, who hurt you, and how numb you feel.

Bring your story and your soul into the light. It will help you heal. You might join a group of people struggling with the same thing, or start a blog, or just tell your best friend what happened. Maybe you need to see a doctor or counselor. Do something…don’t let the darkness win.

3. Venture into the past

Back when my grandma died, I didn’t do much to help myself come alive again. I didn’t know what to do.

How to Come Alive When You Feel Dead Inside

4 Ways to Come Alive When You Feel Dead Inside

Fortunately, I didn’t experience complicated grief or depression, and I was able to let my pain and grief go. That was an easier situation to deal with because my grandma was in her 70s, and I knew one day she’d die. I was still unprepared and heartbroken, but at some level I expected it.

But what I couldn’t get over for the longest time was my sister’s decision to stop speaking to me. This was numbing and painful at the same time. I didn’t feel dead inside, but I did feel shocked, confused, and ashamed. I’ve also experienced the pain of infertility and the loss of several loved ones.

Now when bad things happen to me, I know what helps me. I connect with God and find His presence incredibly comforting. I don’t know why we have to experience painful events and difficult feelings, but I no longer question. I’ve learned to accept and surrender to what is.

4. Experiment with different ways to come alive

It’s time to get creative! How have you tried to combat the feeling of being dead inside? Maybe you’ve talked to your family doctor, tried different prescription medications for depression, gone for counseling, joined a support group, read books, or even volunteered with people who are worse off than you.

Nothing worked, right?

Maybe it’s time to step outside your comfort zone. Plan a solo trip to Egypt. Move to New York City. Book an appointment with an art therapist. Start a blog. Learn how to play a new musical instrument. Sing in a choir. Go to church.

If you feel overwhelmed and stuck, read 10 Ways to Figure Out What to Do With Your Life.

What’s your experience with feeling dead inside and coming alive? Take time to think about what’s holding you back and how you can get out of your own way. Listen to the still small voice inside of you – because you do have the answer.

While I can’t offer advice, I do read every comment. I encourage you to respond to other readers’ comments if you feel led, and to share your experience of feeling half alive or even dead inside. Writing often brings clarity and insight, and can help you process your feelings.


Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.

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32 thoughts on “4 Ways to Come Alive When You Feel Dead Inside

  • Mary

    I feel dead inside. I pushed everyone away due to deep depression. The man I want doesn’t want me the same way. My brothers life long schizophrenia has landed him alone in a halfway house – he’s 54 and lost it all.
    My Mom doesn’t remember me often times because she had advanced Alzheimer’s. My Dad’s cancer medicine is zapping his energy. My other brother doesn’t speak to me. So yeH, I pretty much want to die

  • Kyio

    Everyone leaves me and forgets about me. Life is getting worst and days are getting cloudier, grayer and even darker. My “friends” found new people and left me. I was there for them and they didn’t do 1% of what I’ve done for them. I have bullies and life gets me down every day. I am invited nowhere and I feel empty, but somehow full. I feel like I am not able to breath and I ak silenty crying all day. I feel that I am worthless and my existence is pointless. I used to feel like this before and I thought I cured myself but now, once again, here I am one more time. I have concidered suicide before and I had serious eating disorters. I was becoming anorexic and had an attempt to turn bolimic. Now I have gone to over-eating and depression is only getting worst. I ak detached, lonely, sad, and every day I am wondering why I wake up every morning and I feel like dying. I am helpless.

  • Anonymous

    I lost confidence in myself years ago when I was in college. I got hooked on opioids and dated a girl for over 2 years in college as I got hooked. I used her to cope with the feelings of knowing I was a drug addict. Then we broke up and I graduated (supposed to be best times of our lives I was starting to resent college although if I knew how crappy my life would be years later I would have tried to enjoy it more) . However I believe this is the time when I was gradually becoming dead inside but I didn’t even know it at the time. I lost all my confidence (unless I’m drunk) and I’m on maintence meds at point in my life I do nothing with it. I lost my job been outta work for a year now been to rehabs never worked I’m stuck

  • Elaine

    I am trying to heal from psychological and emotional abuse from my husband of 50 years. I am in counseling but I have days when all the insidious things come flooding back.

  • Ben

    My advice is when you feel dead inside you have to let go everything all your secrets and bad things. You have to admit to yourself and to god so you can be forgiven. Go to church, you can always find and feel alive there. It hurts a lot feeling dead no seeing anyone and you feel nothing inside. I have to start telling everything to my family and god so they can help me get out of the darkness. I’ve always dream of playing soccer and that’s what I’m going to Focus on more and train more. Even if my parents hate me, I still have to tell them the truth. I’ve lost and felt more pain that made me feel dead. To get out the darkness and to be better I have to be better and not do bad things. It’s going to be hard but I’m going to change my life. I want to feel alive and be alive. Right now I’m going have to get out and make my way up with positive thoughts.

  • Laurie Post author

    When you’re struggling to find ways to come alive – especially when you feel dead inside – it’s important to go where the life is. Find ways to clear the noise and clutter of unhealthy attachments, bad relationships, unhappy people. Listen for the still small voice of God – He is speaking all the time, but you have to be quiet so you can hear the Roar of Something Greater.

    What brings sparks of life, joy, hope and meaning to your life?

  • Crazy

    Hi I am 23 years old and I am a engineering student. I am good at almost everything sports,studies but still I feel that something is missing from my life. life looks useless,empty.
    Tried many things even doctors think that nothing is wrong but still I feel like a dead person.

  • Anne

    Hi Laurie, thank you for been there! I broke up with my partner of 5 years, when we met it was like a light had gone on , we hsd so much in common and as time went on I knew this is what love is. I had been single for 6 yrs and he always used to say it was fate that we met, we were very close. Unbelievable he cheated on me and I found this out on Facebook of all places. He denied it even when I read the message’s from my phone. I loved him so much, I feel so low, how could he do this to me… We are both in our fifties and we used to say we’d grow old together. I had to finally block his number because he was making me ill. Ive also found out from other people that he has lied to me time after time. I thought he was a decent man but I didn’t know him at all, he wanted us to carry on, still denying what he’d done. But I couldn’t and my life feels btoken

  • donna

    thank you for even replying to me. I’m very grateful.
    I’ve printed out your letter and put it in my handbag. I’ll keep reading it. Do you honestly believe going no-contact at all is the best thing for me to do. I spose I am up & down. So happy when I talk to him – because he feels so guilty, he is always nice to me and says that he will always love me. But, obviously, he is now with another woman and wants a different life (like travelling full-time – and that is something I can’t do). Tony says he can’t keep talking/texting, etc – because he feels so bad and guilty. And I don’t want that for him really. Please keep helping me. and thank you again – love from donna

  • Laurie Post author

    Dear Donna,

    Thank you for being here! I’m sorry for your loss…it’s so difficult to start over after 32 years of marriage. Your whole life has changed, and it’s so much different than you expected it would be, isn’t it? You didn’t think this would happen…and now that you’re over the initial shock and pain, you’re starting to deal with reality. Perhaps that’s why you’re slowly getting worse: the shock has worn off.

    Seeing a psychologist is a great way to start working through your grief — and even learning how to come alive when you feel dead inside! My prayer is that the psychologist you’ve found is the right one for you, that you find hope, encouragement and wisdom that helps you grieve and heal.

    Take heart! You WILL move forward in your life. You will re-establish your identity, and find ways to Blossom into the woman God created you to be. Don’t give up, even though you’re tired and sad. This is when you need to hang tight and hold on to your faith.

    If you haven’t signed up for my free weekly emails, do it now! You can always unsubscribe if you’re getting too much hope, encouragement, and inspiration to Blossom 🙂

    xo Laurie

  • Donna

    I do feel very flat, down and depressed. Very lost after my husband leaving me for another woman and a different life after 32 years of a really good marriage. I am still broken hearted after 12 months and feel like I am slowly getting worse. I’ve just started seeing a psychologist – hoping that helps. never felt so sad in my life. And I’m exhausted from trying to work, visit adult kids, just even getting out of bed in the morning. Life is not always very easy – that’s for sure

  • CG

    I am 49 and burnt out. I worked in human services for over 20 years; have a masters in counseling. I have friends and a family but no boyfriend or serious love in years. I feel washed up and empty now/totally spent. I keep my obligations to friends and family but it is all “fake it to make it” I feel dead inside & lost. I have to go back to work soon but feel overwhelmed, sick and very depressed. Insomnia and gaining weight no matter what I eat or exercise; feel hopeless about the future but suicide is not an option because I am the sole adult in state and my father has severe dementia and a older wife.

  • looking4anintrovertgirl

    There’s just no hope for some of us, no matter how many articles we read about coming alive when we feel dead inside or encouragement we get. It’s just the way we are, we are broken and defective, we are the problem and there’s no motivation or something that can makes us change and it sucks.

  • Laurie Post author

    Thank you for sharing this list with me, Sara! I love it – your life really is filled with joy and purpose. I love a lot of the same things you do, especially learning and travel. My favorite thing to do is go to a conference in a new city or country. In fact, I’m looking for a Christian writers or womens ministry conference for next month. It’s my birthday, and I want to treat myself to a travel/learning trip 🙂

    The biggest thing that makes me feel alive is God. He really is the source of all light, life, love, joy, peace and freedom…and I never feel more joy than when I connect with Him.

    Like you, I also enjoy connecting with my partner (my husband) – as long as we’re having intellectual conversations. I feel the same way as you do 🙂

    Thanks for being here; I really am happy to have “met” you.

    Take good care of yourself, and keep doing those things that make you feel alive!


  • Sara

    Hello Laurie,
    For years I have been struggling with these things. And I was scared to tell anyone how I really felt. I was down and googled, “feeling dead inside” because I wanted to know if I was the only one that felt that way, or if there was a reason I felt that way or what would come up. I read your post and it is true. Thank you so much. I have done the list. It made me feel so much better and I did feel alive after I started to think about what you wrote and those things that bring me to life, give me joy and purpose. I will keep these as reminders

    The top things I love to do, that bring me life and meaning and joy and purpose are:

    1. I used to love meditating and connecting with G-d and still do it at times. I loved when I went to Israel and want to go again. ( I am Sephardic Jewish but, secular in religion not strict)
    2. I used to love drawing
    3. I used to love playing guitar and at times piano.
    4. I love listening to music
    5. I love spending time with my boyfriend, as long as we are connecting, having intellectual conversations, sharing new ideas…
    6. I love when my niece hugs me and hugging her
    7. I love spending time with my friends and family
    8. I love learning
    9. I love watching the Net Geo, and history
    10. I love to travel
    11. I love helping others that are grateful, appreciative
    12. I love making a difference in this world and contributing to the solution, helping the less fortunate, the homeless, rejected.

  • Laurie Post author

    Dear Mary,

    Thank you for sharing your story here. It sounds like you and your husband have had a long history together, and it’s not easy to untangle all those problems.

    The best way to find yourself again – and to come alive when you feel dead inside! – is to do what brings you life. When I feel like life is crushing me and deadening my soul, I take time to remember what once filled me with joy, excitement, and exuberance.

    I find connecting with God to be the most powerful way to come back to myself. He is the engine of the universe, the underlying hum that keeps us all going. God is the source of all life, love, energy, and freedom.

    God created you for a purpose, and He loves you deeply. Your job is to accept His love and listen for His still small voice. Who did He create you to be, Mary? What personality traits and strengths and gifts has He given you?

    You will find yourself when you pursue the things you love in life. Your first step is to make a list of 10 things you love to do, things that bring you life and meaning and joy and purpose. You can make that list here, if you like – I’d love to read it! You actually already listed a few things in your original comment.

    And, here’s an article that might help you find your footing in your marriage:

    10 Ways to Build Your Confidence and Stop Being a Needy Woman

    And finally, a question for you: What would happen if you let go of your husband’s control over you? You and he are in a marriage dance – and you are participating equally. How would it feel to stop dancing with him?


  • Mary Feller

    I can join this “club”. My spouse has extreme jealousy, and even if I’m only texting a male friend he gets pissed and I get accused of cheating. After 20 yrs of marriage, faithful the entire time even when he was addicted to alcohol and being verbally and physically abusive towards me, you would think he would trust me.

    He knows my history, as far as I have always had male friends… I’m considered one of the guys. In high school it was normall for me to stay at one of my guy friends house for the night… Nothing ever happened.

    With my personality, I’m very social and really like being around people, talking, texting, etc. He is more of a hermit, unless he goes with me. He doesn’t let me go anywhere alone. I guess finally something something snapped. I buryed my personality to the point I feel dead inside. I’m not on any social media, no texting, talking, nothing. I barely leave my room. After about a month he decided that he doesn’t like it, cuz he also gets no response from me.

    I have no idea how to resurrect myself. If I leave my room, I put on a fake smile just so I don’t have to answer any questions.

    As a little background: I am bi-polar, have BPD, and a severe anxiety disorder.

    Amy suggestions as to how to start getting myself back?

  • Laurie Post author

    Dear Mike,

    I’m sorry for not responding earlier (I’m traveling in Vietnam, and it’s not easy to keep up!) – and I’m even more sorry that you’re having such a difficult time. It’s easy for me to write a blog post about “coming alive when you feel dead inside” – but I know that the actual experience is incredibly painful.

    What have you done so far, to pull yourself out of the black hole of depression that you feel? Different things work for different people, and you may need to keep experimenting with different types of solutions until you find what works for you.

    Have you talked to a doctor or counselor about your feelings of depression? That may be the first and best place to start….

    What friends or family members can help you pull through this? Don’t give up hope, and don’t give in to despair! It can seem easy to give up when you feel dead inside, but stay hopeful. Know that you CAN get through this if you keep pushing forwards. Find sources of energy that are helpful and strong, and remember that you were created for a purpose. Your job is to find that purpose, and live with meaning and joy in your life….

    I have to run for the overnight train to Hanoi — have you tried traveling as a method to come alive again??


  • Mike

    Just to follow up on that i just really have a blackhole of depression in my chest. I feel dead inside about everything in every situation.I know my father might have or have not caused this with a vindictive motive towards me but either way it happened and i know i need to get myself out of this situation…i just hope i can do it, i think about giving up everyday. It’s just so hard to dig myself out of this hole of misery and mentall craziness. I dont have a car and i know the only way i can get a new job and be able to pay rent is with a car, but i gotta pay rent every month therefore i must keep working for my dad and its just gonna be so hard and take so much energy to save enough money for a vehicle and insurance and all that.i just dont think i can find the will to dig myself out of this deep hole of misery. And feeling like this everyday just makes it that much harder

  • Mike

    I’ve felt dead inside for years now, i wasn’t always like this i used to be filled with excitement. Im 29 now and i cant seem to connect or have any feelings in everyday situations that normal people do. I feel like i have no soul i feel really empty always. I have really bad thoughts about how to end it. I just dont want to affect the people i love. I believe that with my negative feelings and the non ability to connect or feel with other people will rub off on them. I cant even put it into words when they ask me whats wrong, i always just play it off like nothings wrong. Its come to a point where i think im being fake to everyone all the time. Im ruining every relationship with family and freinds ive ever had just by not being able to feel emotions when im with them. Ive turned to drugs to fill the void and thats gotten pretty bad. I cant seem to make myself do anything about it. I have no money for a psychiatrist or anti depression drugs. Ive been working with my dad for years now and i have such anger and resentment built up towards him, i honestly feel he is the reason for all of this.i think he has mentally tryed to kill my soul. I used to be filled with excitemnt and people really liked to be around me,i was always happy and had alot of freinds and i truley believe he was angry about this becuase he was never a people person and let people walk all over him. And i know that i shouldn’t be saying stuff about my father like this, but there have been times where ive caught him doing really messed up stuff towards me for no reason. I dont know if im just crazy or if its a real thing. The things he has done are subtle but very vindictive and very noticeable to me that he was intentionally trying to bring me down mentally and emotionally. I just wrote this comment to get this stuff off my chest becuase ive never told anyone this stuff, i would never tell my brother or anyone else because my dad acts completely different around them. But its gotten to a point where hes literally killed my soul and has brought me down to his level. Im stuck working for him and cant seem to muster up enough energy to get myself out of this pit of misery.

    • Ellie

      Hi i had the exact same situation with my grandmother and my mother. In our family it was a narcissistic disorder. Most people assume narcissism means you are in love with yourself but that is not what it is. It means you are desperate to maintain a fake appearance that other people will love. So they go out of their way to pretend in public what a great family person they are, pick out the “favorites” in the family who will back up this story, post pictures on facebook that are so fake of their happy perfect family. Meanwhile the black sheep (me, you I think) aka the “unfavorite” sees the truth. It’s not your imagination, when you say “subtle but very vindictive and very noticeable to me that he was intentionally trying to bring me down mentally and emotionally” it’s really happening. That’s what they do. It’s because you were strong enough to not play along and face reality, because of that you are a threat to their charade. You probably feel like its better to be honest than to keep lying, but your dad doesn’t agree. The only way he can continue to be superior to you is to either continue screwing with your finances, keeping you dependent on him, paying you very little while criticizing you and making you too numb to fight back or leave. At some level he wants to control you and make sure you can’t get away and succeed, because then you would win and you wouldn’t need him anymore, and you wouldn’t be under his thumb any more, and the whole world would take you seriously and believe you when you told the truth about him. Will they believe a druggie son who can’t afford a car even though his kind and generous and wonderful father is even helping give him work? Nope. You see. There’s a script where he’s always the generous, giving hero and you are the ingrate son, and he wants to keep it that way because he has all the power.

      You say “I honestly feel he is the reason for all of this.i think he has mentally tryed to kill my soul.” He has. Don’t doubt yourself. Read also on “gaslighting.”

      My #1 suggestion to you, is this. I am actually trying to get rid of my car. I started using a bicycle and it is 10000x better than owning a car.

      Don’t ever feel trapped. That’s what they want you to feel. It’s called “learned helplessness” and there are animal experiments on it where they shock a dog no matter whether it behaves or misbehaves until finally it gives up. It just sits in a corner and doesn’t even react when they keep shocking it. It has learned to be helpless, even when it behaved well and did what it’s masters wanted they still punished it. I am a dog lover and I read about this experiment in a psychology book, it makes me sad they did this to a dog but I felt the truth in it then. We are the ones who are expereiencing “learned helplessness” because no matter what we do we are punished. You must break free. My bike, it was a first step, to not being the fat ugly girl, the dependent girl, the girl who coudln’t do anything right, the girl who couldn’t afford insurance and gas and needed money from her family. There is great value in returning to simplicity, I feel.

      BTW I also now develop solar powered appliances and work from my home. I think you will understand why. Solar power is free energy, free power, free life from the sun. The sun doesn’t play games or criticize or withold its gift whenever it feels like punishing you. The sun is out, like clockwork, providing unconditionally, the one thing in life that is so utterly reliable the watch was invented because of it. The sun is everything my parents were not. I build heaters and ovens that run on the heat from the sun, and use no electricity. I am tired of being dependent on abusive people, and by extension utility companies, bills. I love living free, basking in sunlight that takes care of all my needs, and finding new ways of using the sun’s unlimited gift to heat, cool, cook, heat water, and so on. Perhaps you could consider a green career. If I had my youth to do over again, I’d study engineering.

      But for you, step one is to believe yourself and recognize it is not your fault. The abuse is real. Then find a way to free yourself, a little bit. It’s accumulative. One little bit of freedom leads to another. Dump your family as soon as you can (believe it or not, co-dependency is the other side of the coin of narcissism. So once you are gone and doing well on your own, they will come begging you to come back and spend time with them, in other words, to trap you back into the cycle of being the stepped-on kid, to act like all of your reasons for avoiding them are selfish and crazy, and guilt trip you (privately). But in public, they want you back to pretend like we’re all still one happy, perfect family, especially now to show off their independently successful and skinny, suddenly “hot” again daughter. Because your success is all due to their wonderful parenting skills, right? Really, they just want to use you to put their other brothers and sisters down for having fat, dependent kids. This happened to me. It’s toxic to be around them. I only call/text/email them for birthdays and Christmas and Thanksgiving, but never actually go to their house anymore. If you are fortunate enough to get a clean break, good riddance and don’t look back). Be careful who you let into your life as friends, as those of us who were taught that being abused and taken advantage of by your parents is normal, will find friends who abuse and take advantage, because it feels “familiar”. Be real careful about that. Oh, and the best three words of advice I ever got were “but it’s true”. Face what you are feeling, and dump the drugs. Question whether being around toxic dad is driving you to suicide – not overtly, but slowly via drugs and alcohol. Dump the dad, dump the drugs, both are self-sabotaging to have in your life. Ok sorry this was really long, but I identified so much with your story. Good luck.

    • Miriam

      Hey, it’s been quite a while since you’ve last posted, and I don’t know if you’ll ever see this, but what you’ve described sounds like narcissistic abuse.

      There’s an emotional healer I know of out there, who can teach you how to heal from narcissistic abuse.

      I myself am a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and what you’ve described sounds very familiar.

      But I promise you can heal from this, and it does not have to take years. Within a month’s time you can find great relief.

      Healing from narcissistic abuse is a work in progress, but change does not have to take ages.

  • Ann

    For me, there’s no obvious reason like an event as I’ve felt like this most of my life. I can remember feeling this way sometimes when I was a child and not being able to describe it. I’ve had lots of therapy and if I needed to find an event I could probably point to a general disconnection and lack of empathy within my family.

    As a result, I never feel “seen”, and I think this sense of “I will always be alone” is what is causing all the pain. I think it is because while aloneness is painful, togetherness is terrifying, and the sheer panic I associate with connection stops me in my tracks a lot of the time.

    I’m trying my best to be mindful and just trust that I can do something about the perpetual emptiness but it’s so difficult to believe when you don’t know anything else.

  • Laurie Post author

    It takes a lot of courage and strength to talk about how you feel. You’re being totally honest – and that’s the first step to getting healthy and happy again!

    When I feel totally overwhelmed – and dead inside – I find it helpful to get away. A weekend or week away would be awesome, but even just an hour or two by myself is what I need. It helps to take a step back from the situation, and see it with a more objective perspective.

    The other thing I do is write in my journal. I write everything and anything that comes to mind! Just spill my guts…it helps me unload and vent. Once I get everything out of me, I can see my life more clearly. I can make difficult decisions, and figure out how to move forward.

    Would that help you?

  • Robin

    I just can’t come back from that feeling. Once it became part of me, it was like no going back. Nothing can motivate me to even GET out of bed. The bad thing, I am lucky for what I have. I’ve lost nothing of value and yet the emptiness impedes my very being. I have more than many, and yet, I just can’t fight this feeling of being dead within. I feel like my soul left, my heart to – they are lost somewhere that I can’t find them. I feel like mine was a slow, gradual disappointment in how people around me in general are behaving and acting. MAYBE mine is how my partner verbally abuses me as well, he’s some what controlling as well, I don’t know. I just know I’m tired all the time and my vivaciousness of life is gone. I just want to sleep, and be left alone, but at the same time, I want to be the same happy, vivacious, energetic person I USE to be before 2010. I use to not be able to wait for morning so I could get up and begin my days, NOW, I stay up most the night because I can’t sleep. I’m in bed usually by 3am and then I try to stay in bed as late as possible. When I say “as late as possible”, my usual wake up time NOW is 6 – 7 PM. I wake up before that, I just make myself stay in bed and fall back asleep. I’ll stay in bed til my back starts hurting for laying there so long. I don’t feel like this feeling is ever gonna end.

    • Kristofer

      I couldn’t have written anything myself that could fit the exact way I feel. It’s as if I’m in a prison where I can see out at what used to be just to taunt me and make me more miserable and empty. It’s intolerable and as a man makes me feel weak, irrelevant and useless. I’ve no reason to be this way. On the outside my life is one I think most would consider blessed. On the inside I’m black, cold and angry.

  • San

    Over a year ago my children and I moved. We left behind everything. The children’s dad was in prison, again. The man with whom I had been living was having numerous affairs, he went back to using drugs, and was killed in a car accident.
    I got my children situated at school, found a place to live, and a job. I am an alcoholic, so I started going to meetings.
    I began a friendship with a man. It was easy to talk with him. He did not initiate sex, but just would hold me. I met a woman who became my best friend. Our children all play together; she is dovircrd, too. She has become like family. I have family here, but I’m not very close to them.
    The man who’s a friend became friends with my best friend. Although my best friend tells me there will never be anything between her and the man I like, I have been consumed with jealousy. It has affected my relationship with my best friend. I haven’t heard from the man I like since I told him I’d live to be more than friends. I go to church and go to shall group. I still feel abandoned and alone. I continue to pray for God to heal me. To bless my life and my children’s with happiness, love, and peace. I’m struggling every day.

  • Silvia

    I feel extremely tired. I continuously going around this sickening vicious cycle of verbally abuse with my partner. My energy is so low that I don’t knowif I can do what I need to get out of this situation.