How Do You Come Alive When You Feel Dead Inside?

When you feel nothing and all you can think is “I feel dead inside”, you start to believe you’ll never feel alive or happy again. Hold on, because these feelings will pass! Your life won’t always feel so lonely, empty, or meaningless.

I don’t have magic tips or miracle solutions that erase the dark feelings of being dead inside, but I can share a few practical ideas that might help. One of the best things you can do is scroll through the comments section below. You’ll see that you aren’t alone, and you may find words of comfort and support from other readers. Above all, remember that feeling dead inside isn’t a permanent state – no matter how long you’ve felt this way.

This article was inspired by a reader who is struggling to accept her relationship breakup. “I feel like I’m a dead soul on the inside,” says Kate on What to Do When Your Life Feels Empty. “I met my boyfriend at work, and I felt my life was complete because he was there for me. Day and day out I feel like I needed him more than he would ever need me. Now he is marrying someone his mother chose for him, and I feel dead inside. I am devastated and feel nothing. I am however going to start going to the gym to have an activity that I could look forward to besides work. But I am so used to having him in my life constantly, I live alone, and I don’t know how to come alive again.”

You’re not alone if you’re saying “I feel dead inside.” Last month 72,000 people searched for ways to come alive, and more people are searching for life, hope and help every month. More and more people are seeking to find deep meaning and purpose in their lives.

Overcoming your feeling of being dead inside won’t be as simple as scrolling through my tips and finding a quick fix. It may have taken years for your empty feelings to develop and take root, which means it may take a long time for them to come alive again.

4 Ways to Come Alive When You Feel Dead Inside

What worked – and works – for me is knowing that I am a child of God. In Your Purpose as a Child of God – Echoes of Dawn I describe how meaningful life can be. I don’t know if you know Jesus, but He is the key to life. I’m not talking about going to church or even talking to a pastor…I’m talking about experiencing the power of God. If you have questions about Jesus Christ, feel free to ask in the comments section below.

To come alive when you feel dead inside, you need to figure out what will work for you. You are the only expert on you (besides God, who created you), and you know more about yourself than anyone ever will. Your job is to find the crack in the tomb and start prying it open until the light comes in. Keep trying new and different things, ideas and activities that might help you stop saying “I feel dead inside” and start coming back to life.

Take one step forward, and don’t give up. These four ideas will get you started…

1. Go back to when you first started to feel numb

Come Alive When You Feel Dead Inside Blossom Tips
Come Alive When You Feel Dead Inside

When my grandma died, I felt like I was dead on the inside. My grief was overwhelming and constant. I was numb and overwhelmed, and all I wanted to do was sleep. I wanted to hide from the world and never wake up.

Sometimes the feeling of being dead inside is actually grief or heartache that is stuck in our hearts, souls, and spirits. Difficult emotions, such as guilt, anger, shame, or regret can cause emotional issues if they aren’t processed or work through. But regardless of the cause – such as my grandma’s death or Kate’s breakup – the feeling is similar. Numb, no feeling, purposeless, emptiness, flat line. No ups or downs, just sad grey nothing.

I knew I needed to grieve my grandma’s death, and then I’d start to feel alive again. Kate needs to grieve the end of her relationship – and she’s already starting by going to the gym and creating activities that will help her heal.

What about you – when did this feeling of being dead inside start? Was there an event, or did it happen gradually? Thinking about this can help you heal and come back to life. If you know what the cause was, you can learn different cures. For instance, if you’re dealing with a breakup you can learn different ways to let go of someone you love. If you’re depressed you can try different natural remedies for depression.

2. Bring your story out of darkness into the light

Have you talked about what happened to you? Maybe you need to forgive yourself for past mistakes, or share your story with someone you trust. Secrecy and darkness makes everything worse. If you hide your experiences and problems, they will get darker and scarier. But if you tell people that you feel dead inside, you may be surprised at how much support and encouragement you find.

You may even find someone who says, “I experienced the same thing, and I felt dead inside for months. This is what helped me….” Or maybe you don’t need practical ways to come alive. Maybe you just need to tell someone what happened to you, who hurt you, and how numb you feel.

Bring your story and your soul into the light. It will help you heal. You might join a group of people struggling with the same thing, or start a blog, or just tell your best friend what happened. Maybe you need to see a doctor or counselor. Do something…don’t let the darkness win.

3. Venture into the past

Back when my grandma died, I didn’t do much to help myself come alive again. I didn’t know what to do.

Fortunately, I didn’t experience complicated grief or depression, and I was able to let my pain and grief go. That was an easier situation to deal with because my grandma was in her 70s, and I knew one day she’d die. I was still unprepared and heartbroken, but at some level I expected it.

But what I couldn’t get over for the longest time was my sister’s decision to stop speaking to me. This was numbing and painful at the same time. I didn’t feel dead inside, but I did feel shocked, confused, and ashamed. I’ve also experienced the pain of infertility and the loss of several loved ones.

Now when bad things happen to me, I know what helps me. I connect with God and find His presence incredibly comforting. I don’t know why we have to experience painful events and difficult feelings, but I no longer question. I’ve learned to accept and surrender to what is.

4. Experiment with different ways to come alive

I feel dead inside

It’s time to get creative! How have you tried to combat the feeling of being dead inside? Maybe you’ve talked to your family doctor, tried different prescription medications for depression, gone for counseling, joined a support group, read books, or even volunteered with people who are worse off than you.

Nothing worked, right?

Maybe it’s time to step outside your comfort zone. Plan a solo trip to Egypt. Move to New York City. Book an appointment with an art therapist. Start a blog. Learn how to play a new musical instrument. Sing in a choir. Go to church.

If you feel overwhelmed and stuck, read When the Grief Never Ends and You Can’t Reach Out to God.

What’s your experience with feeling dead inside and coming alive? Write through your feelings, ask God questions, write what He might be saying to you. Take time to think about what’s holding you back, what voices you’re listening to. Listen to the still small voice inside you – because somewhere in your heart, spirit and soul you have the answer.

And, feel free to respond to other readers’ comments. Share your experience with others, be honest about your feelings. Writing – especially in your private journal with a paper and a pen – can help you feel better.

May you find hope, healing and joy in unexpected ways on unexpected days.

With love,



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96 thoughts on “How Do You Come Alive When You Feel Dead Inside?”

  1. I am dead inside and have been for about 6 months now. I just can’t see how anything is going to ever change. It happened because of a break up of a girl I was and am still so in love with. I think about her 24/7 I can’t get her out of my mind no matter what I do. I let her go because she did not want me and it is the hardest thing I have ever done. I did attempt suicide but was stopped by a few friends who clubbed together to stop me. Yes I didn’t do it but tbh I don’t see any happiness for me ever again without her. So although I am still here for my child I am always thinking of ways of how I could go naturally. So I smoke more than I did before so that way everyone will think it’s natural. I am not a silly person in fact I am intelligent so I know it’s wrong and I need to move on but I just can’t. I do have a few friends I can talk to about it and they do help a bit. However nothing changes the pain I feel inside. I have cried nearly every day and I mean every day now for 6 months. I am on anti depressants with a very high dosage but all it really does is get me through the day. If I am honest I have no clue how I have made it through the last 6 months I really don’t. Nothing brings me joy anymore and I can’t see that changing. I do read things like this though to try to help me get through this. Everything I do reminds me of her. Everything I see reminds me of her Everyone I meet reminds me of her I just can’t seem to get away from the pain I feel. Yes there has been a slight improvement over Christmas and new year I just stayed in bed for about a month. I went back to work at that helped a bit as I was out the house but with Covid we are now working from home and not really allowed out so all I have is my thoughts of her and how painful it is. I have had other break ups and got over them and always felt there was hope somewhere, but this one I don’t feel there is any hope at all and everything in the world is completely pointless.

  2. I’m 17 and can’t remember not feeling dead inside. I have been severely depressed and have had terrible anxiety, ADHD, and OCD for a while no. For a long time, I would do any drugs I could get my hands on and drink a lot. I have overdosed twice after my first time I went to a pshycward and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. That was over 2 years ago. I just got back from rehab and am clean and sober but still dead. No matter how hard I try or what I do I can’t get rid of this feeling and the hopelessness it brings along with it. I lived for so long not caring if I was alive or dead. I have had multiple suicide attempts. I struggle to find purpose in life and constantly question everything. Like if there’s an afterlife. I feel expendable like or lives are not only delicate but how easily we can be forgotten about. I have done tests and am apparently “cognitively gifted”. I have seen so many people do nothing but drugs and talk about how much their lives suck for so long now I can’t see a reason to live.

  3. Hey, I like the way that you live! I work long hours and come home knackered. I have just started listening to the complete audio bible and it is awesome. By listening to it being read in chronological order – everything has begun to make sense! I truly believe in God. More and more and more… It isn’t really even a matter of belief for me… God just is! I guess that my most favourite book so far is Ecclesiastes. I make friendship tabernacle bracelets – it’s a way in which I explore my creativity… I am massively in debt… but I have just started on a debt management plan, that means that everything is more manageable for me. I just bought my Mum and Dad (in their late 9th decade – an exercise bike to put on the floor and use – to keep them moving/healthy and well. I love giving presents. Thank you for your ideas on becoming alive…. I sometimes feel absolutely drained and lacking in vitality. I guess that my body will be a long time dead (i.e. lifeless) My favourite things that I did today to feel vitality were to play with my spiky massage ball and feel alive in my body. Wishing you every happiness. Long life and eternal life… May you see God face to face! Pippa XXXXX

  4. The only things that make me feel remotely normal and happy are codeine and alcohol. Especially codeine, it works every time. I love feeling the warming glow as it spreads through the body. Nothing else works for me. Nothing. I feel nothing (except pain, that is), I am dead inside.

  5. Im 17 and got a temporary job at the start of summer, I only accepted the job because one it had good pay, and two because my mom was one of the head workers. Also I knew a couple other people there, so I figured it wouldn’t be such a hard job, mentally speaking.

    At this point I was still struggling with depression and anxiety, but nothing too terrible. I soon discovered that I was nothing like my co-workers and I didn’t want to become one of them or be part of their group. This all happened within the first of the ten weeks that the job was supposed to last.

    On a side note, there was another crew on our job that we sometimes worked with. When they came in on the first day, I was immediately attracted to this one girl in particular, she was as quite and introverted as I was and seemed like someone I could talk too. I ended up having a crush on her for the whole summer, but was too scared to talk to her or anyone else, I tired to distance myself out of fear or being too weird or not her type, or her being my type since I don’t know that much about her(most stuff I did know about her was because of my mom, she talked to her a lot and thought we would made a good pair). THis is also the first time I’ve had a crush on a girl from my area, all my previous dates where online and didn’t last more then a year or so.

    Towards the middle/end of the job, I talked to the girl a bit more, since we had a mentoring session with both crews. I did talk to her a bit more but regretted not having done so when I had many chances to talk to her before, mostly because we sat next to each other when both crews where at my workplace. She seamed like she had opened up to her crew a lot easier and thus I felt like I didn’t have a need to talk to her and she wouldn’t need me anymore. Then my mom gave me her number(with the girls permission of course). Suddenly this girl was the complete opposite of what I had imagined. We seamed to be polar opposites. However I still couldn’t denie the fact that I liked her and wanted to be friends. I kept telling myself it wasn’t worth it and that it would be better if you didn’t associate, but the feelings never stopped. I’m kind of on the fence about if she is single or not, because there’s no way that some like her could have a bf, by at the same time her life style seams to be the exact thing that people in my area would be attended to, and it’s not that she has a bad lifestyle, it’s the fact that if I do end up dating her, I would have to change more of myself and compromise and give on things that I absolutely do not want to. By even if we just end up being friends, I can’t go forever without telling her how I really feel, what’s going on in my life and my feelings for her. My friend also thinks that she’s not my type and that I should just ignore her, but I havent been able to. Me and my best friend have special plans for when we move out and we don’t want to change or modify them. We both feel like this girl would mess them up, but there’s still a part of me says, “maybe she won’t and she’ll be cool and everything will work out, you need a girlfriend anyways, and maybe dating someone in your area who doesn’t have much in common with you is better then dating someone online, that way you can actually be with them more.” My best friend is online though, and he’s the greatest person I’ve ever met, and I don’t want to leave him alone all the time. We’re both struggling with similar problems(;families, girlfriends, depression, anxiety, stress,), and have bean there for each other every single day until I started my job, then I only takes to him when I got home and at night, I probably got a lot less sleep because of that, but it didn’t really effect my work performance as much as my mental health. It was steadily declining over the course of my job. The thoughts where mostly about the girl and what if we’re right about her, or are we won’t and she’s a cool person in our books. The thoughts never left my mind and constantly battling. My opinion about her constantly switched sides.

    Since my thoughts and mind became too much for me to handle at work, I decided to quit halfway through the second to last week. Now I feel bad about leaving, not because I need the money, I decided that I am more important than any amount of money I can earn. I think the main reason why I feel so bad about leaving is what the girl will think about me and that I’m missing out on time that I could be spending getting to know her better, I’ve had her number for four days and we have barely talked, mostly because she is very busy at an event, but I still wonder, is she single and likes me or taken and wish I would leave her alone, I’m to afraid to ask her anything personal. From what I know from my mom she seams like a nice girl that has gone though or expirenced many of the same things I have, but her social media portrayals her as completely different. I want to help people but I don’t know if she needs or wants help. I’m just very unsure about what to do. If anyone has any advice, tips, or similar experiences to share I’d be very appreciative.

  6. I don’t know what’s wrong, I turn 18 in 4 months, and life has been more and more meaningless since 2017. I get drunk or high when I’m out with friends and for a while it feels nice but then I go back home and everything feels meaningless again, and honestly idk what do with my life. Gotta admit this hasn’t been my year, but I have never felt so suicidal in my inteire life, I keep on fighting the desire of ending it all, but it seems that everyday there’s some new fight to fight when I’m not even done with the fight from yesterday. Not sure if I have someone to talk to or if I just don’t wanna talk to anyone, but I’m trying to keep my head up high, hopefully something great is on its way 🙂

  7. I feel dead inside. I feel like I am slowly dying. I am a mom of three kids (ages 13, 7 and 1) and all my time goes to them. My husband is gone all through the week because he is a truck driver. I work full time. When I come home my evenings are filled with girl scout meetings, soccer, my kids therapy appointments, dinner, cleaning house. I haven’t felt like I have been able to stop and just breathe for over a year now. My husband doesn’t seem to care how I feel. I feel isolated and alone because I have no time for me. By the time kids are in bed and dishes or laundry is done I am exhausted myself and just crash. I do not do anything for self care because of time or I feel guilty when I do. I was living with my MIL for 2 years and I thought when we move into our own house things would change. We moved 2 months ago and while being in my OWN home has taken away some stress, things have not gotten easier.

    My 7 year old was just diagnosed with ODD which we have been dealing her behavior for years. My 1 year old is going throw separation anxiety and will not let me out of his sight. I do not get any alone time at all.
    I feel defeated and exhausted. I feel alone. I try to think of ways to help improve my life but I keep drawing a blank. Everyday is the same routine of craziness. I am on empty. I suffer from major depressive disorder since I was in middle school. I feel like what I am experiencing is not depression but just wore out from life.

    I want to talk to my husband about this but I hold back. I hold back because I have resentment and anger towards him. He gets to go off to work and leave for a week. He has no responsibility here at home. When he is home he doesn’t do much around the house unless I ask him too.

    I know things need to change but I don’t know how.

  8. I wish I had easy answers or quick tips to help and comfort you! It’d be so great if something like “positive thinking” or even “gratitude therapy” existed…but the truth is that figuring out how to come alive when you feel dead inside isn’t that easy.

    There is good news, though! You will come through this, and you won’t always feel this way. You’re going through a terribly difficult time right now. You may feel like things will never get better, that you’ll always feel so down and depressed….but that’s not the truth. The truth is that you will find your way through this. Don’t give up hope, don’t lose sight of the fact that this is a stage you’re going through. No matter how long it’s lasted – even if it’s been months or years – it WILL end.

    How can you help yourself feel better? What can you do to give yourself hope, meaning, life, and purpose? Who can you reach out to, and how might they respond?

    Coming alive involves reaching out for help. It may feel hard or even impossible, but people can’t reach you unless you reach out first.

    Who is one person you can talk to about coming alive, about moving through these feelings, about finding joy in your life?

  9. I really don’t know what I’m supposed to write about….
    It said that when writing about the reasons why you feel lost and alone you can identify the problem and solve it so that’s what I’m going to do.
    I’m 15 and have felt dead for about 3 years now. I’d say it started mid way through year 7 and I am now in year 10. I started off with being sad most days and thinking I had depression even though I have never been diagnosed. My parents never understood how I was feeling no matter how many signs I gave them, and openly told them about my depression, after they found pills and drugs on me multiple times, after a lot of break downs and trying to run away but not being able to go through with it. I used to have typical boy problems, family problems, friendship problems, school, that most teenage girls would have but I was always overly effected by it and went through a very dark place at a young age. Around the end of year 9/ start of year 10 everything was going downhill. I would feel better for a bit and believe I was getting better and then it would get even worse over and over again. I had good friends and I felt I had no reason for my sadness. I remember trying to think of why I felt like this and not being able to come up with a reason. I would always say I had a little bit of everything (depression, anxiety, ADHD, schizophrenia, bipolar) and didn’t know what was happening to me or how to overcome it. I lost interest in a lot of things that I used to like. Everybody knew me as quite happy and I would say I am quite popular but when by myself I felt terrible and wish I didn’t have to pretend everyday. I was also really into conspiracies from quite young and the older I got the more intense they became, to the point now I question the meaning of life, what we are, how we got here, why we are here and who we are run by. I now feel empty. I feel like I’m not even controlling my life own anymore and I’ve just been over taken and run by someone and I just feel dead. I remember feeling suicidal and now I just feel nothing. Sometimes this feeling is too much it makes me wish I wasn’t here, but it’s not even the sadness that makes me think that. I feel weird everyday and feel so empty. I think about it as if everyone is plugged onto the earth and my chord is getting longer and I am slowly floating away into space and my sanity is slowly disappearing. I just can’t feel or think properly anymore, and people say about how they’re ‘losing their mind’, and I think I’ve lost mine. I also remember being interested in boys and suddenly all attraction has gone. I can’t seem to want anyone or relationships that everyone my age is currently getting into and idk why it is. Nothing bothers me anymore and I don’t feel anything and it genuinely scares me. I don’t feel anything, but it’s not even peaceful. Life seems like it’s rushing and going so fast but so slow at the same time even though I’m not doing anything with my life and I also don’t want to do anything. I feel like there’s so much going on but not at the same time and I just wish I could explain this feeling. I just want to be normal again but feel I never will be able to.
    If anyone can relate please reply to this 🙂

  10. I am a 79 year old Christian widow. I have been feeling dead inside for a number of years, and I just long to go home and be with Jesus, and others who have gone before. To meet the saints, to sing with His angels.
    Every day and night I say the Nunc Dimittis, prayer of Simeon.
    I try to be a blessIng to others, I am a generous giver, I love to give. But have now given most of my modest income away now.
    I have not got the courage to commit suicide, I don’t think. I just want to leave planet earth, before some dreadful disease comes upon me! I so long to go to Heaven.

    1. I feel so dead inside….so empty…..I literally cant be bothered. I am in inertia, I just ‘cant’. I cant help myself and, I dont care. I am not spiritual at all. There is no believe in these things, never has been. I was sad, I was very sad, I felt suicidal then I reached a critical point and now find myself hopelessly numb.

  11. what is I feel in side of me i need to talking someone to me i have thing in me at shlouad i talking to how abuot how i feel in side of me i having god to me matt plases help me with my wrods

  12. I fell in love with a separated man. Long story short, i tried to avoid him but the feelings were far too intense and i have never felt that kind of love before so i made a fool of myself by waiting for him. He left his wife at some point and we lived together for seven months. We were happy. Until i got pregnant and he left me. Without any explanation, he ghosted me. I did not chase after him. If being with his family makes him happy, i knew had to let him go. That was how much i loved him. Im in a foreign country alone and cannot support a child specially since my pregnancy is very sensitive so i had no choice but to have an abortion. I have now lost my baby, my love and my will to live. Everyday i work through the pain.. some days it resolves. But when i wake up the next day, the pain is still there. There were thoughts of suicide… counselling, medications.. nothing ever helps. I know that one day the pain will pass. My sister keeps telling me to love myself. I know i need to, it just hurts too much i need to cry, be alone for a while and mourn. I have always wanted to be a mother and a wife. I never planned to be in this situation. To anyone who is reading this, do not fall in love or even waste your time with an unavailable man. He will only destroy you like what happened to me. I hope one day i can forgive myself for all i have done. I pray that God will guide me and show me the way.

    1. I’ll be praying for you! It’s especially hard getting over someone whom you thought you’d be with for a long amount of time. I like to remember that every single thing is with intention and perfect planning by our God. If things fall through, don’t work out, end etc then look at it like God straight up telling you this is not where you should be. Time heals everything. Allow yourself to heal, and life will renew itself again,

  13. I don’t know to do to start, one of my best friends ever just stopped talking to me. I don’t know what caused it or why it feels so painful, but I am trying to get through it. Like I said before, I don’t know what made her stop talking to me, I don’t even know if it is something I did. I just can’t deal with the feeling of not knowing what I did wrong, and being unable to rectify my actions.

  14. I’ve been feeling dead for about 3-5 years and I’m only 16. I just dont know what to do, ive been to multiple psychiatrists and none have helped. If you have any tips to feel any better please contact me

    1. Nguyen Phuc Hoang

      hi Luke , i have bipolar disorder and depressed so i dont want anything and i feel empty inside , i know your story . Can u told me more story.

  15. Hi. Thank you for your post. I have been married for 13 years. I married for the wrong reasons. We have 2 children, 9 and 6. My husband is high functioning autistic. Our son is also. I married my hubby knowing he was on the spectrum even when he wouldn’t accept or believe he was. We have different love languages. We have been through marriage counseling. Despite all the attempt, I feel dead. I have realized that he can’t live me the way I need to be loved. He just isn’t able to give me the emotional connection I need. I had an emotional affair. I ended it. Out of respect for him and to keep my kids from heartbreak, I have decided to bare it and stay in the marriage. However, I am unhappy and am grieving over a marriage I will never have and the fact that if I seek an emotional attachment elsewhere, I am having an affair. I don’t want to be a cheater or wreck the sanctity of my marriage. I don’t want to hurt him or my children but I am paying a very high price. I have feelings of resentment, heartbreak, and hopelessness. I don’t know how to keep going.

    1. I understand if you have small children this may be the right thing for you at this time. However my daughter is grown and I feel similarly as you. In other words, after 20+ years, I’m left with leaving my husband to pursue happiness. It feels like it would have been better to leave many years ago.

  16. I have been feeling dead inside for 10 years now. I have no pain, no anxiety, I feel NOTHING. It is like being on some sort of heavy duty tranquilizer 24/7. Yes, I sleep and eat well too.

    I think it is related to hormonal change. I lost sexual attraction towards men when i was 38 y.old and since that time I have been feeling dead. I am 48 now. Still not interested in being with a man, not looking to date, still feel dead, feel nothing.

    On some level I like it. Nothing bothers me anymore. Life with no anxiety and no feelings is a very strange life. I am human-machine, a human with no emotions. Weird.

    1. OMG You described me to a T. Was married for 30 years, ended due to his infidelity – more than once. My sex train ran off the track pretty much at that point…I was 55 or so then. Then I runited with someone from 35 years prior. I even relocated states to be with him – It was the best time of my life ever ever. Unfortunately it was short lived. He overcame to Cancer 11 months later. So there I was in another state, had a good job and an apartment I could no longer afford without working 2 jobs. I met someone. We dated for around a year, and when I was layed off of my job – mass layoff, no fault of my own, we decided to move to South Carolina. I had my place and he had his. Well after living here for a few years I realized what a mistake I made because it turned out that this person was “”emotionally unavailable” at all. There was no communication, no intimacy – not even cuddling or holding hands, nothing….and I mean nothing. It was like living alone. I finally made the break a year ago – have my own little apartment. Just got a better job as well.

      I am telling you because now lately for a few months now I feel dead too. But at the same time I am so happy to come home every day and not have to worry about how my evening will turn out, not have to be a cook housekeeper, driver, thinker, landscaper, curtain hanger, painter….etc etc lol I really feel invigorated at one point, but dead at the other. I just don’t understand it.


  17. So grateful for this article and all the helps so much to know you are not alone.

    One tip I would like to suggest, that REALLY helps me…is to not only journal your feelings, but to give YOURSELF advice on paper, email whatever. We go through ups and down, but there are always days that are a bit better, the silver lining in the storm. On that day, even part of the day, I write to myself. Words of encouragement that there is a reprieve, what to do. what has worked to make the darkness go away a bit for YOU, a different way to look at your problems, read your gratitude journal, etc.

    You can trust yourself, be your best friend. You have to believe yourself 🙂 just reading gives you hope. everything is temporary ..especially bad thoughts and feelings.

    for me, when I’m lonely or spiraling down, it always help to exhaust myself physically ( long walk, yardwork, exercise, dance in bedroom) just to get out of your head, listening to favorite music. or because I have severe social anxiety, call one person a day saying you don’t have much time to talk ..going to an appointment etc,… just to connect socially a bit. also, taking a shower and looking nice, putting on a favorite outfit…does wonders for your soul.

    Please take care of are special and worth it!

  18. Part of me died on my Birthday 6 years ago the day my mom died. Three months later my best friend of forty years passed away. One month later my sister passed away, then my cousin and sexual abuser as a child died, a month later my beloved Star a beautiful Pitbull 2 years old died of cancer. All the while I was taking care of my partner with Alzheimer’s and MS Dementia for 10 years. No time to grieve.

    1. Altheia,
      I am so sorry for All of your losses.
      How have you managed?
      I admire your courage for writing.
      As I am experiencing the death of my husband, you ABSOLUTELY need to take the time to grieve in whichever form it takes.
      Pray to God for solace and strength.
      Best Wishes

  19. Thank you for sharing your stories and feelings. There are no quick tips or easy fixes for coming alive when you feel dead inside…but there is hope! When you write about the reasons why you feel lost and alone, you identify the problem. And if you know what the problem is, then you’re a step closer to the solution.

    It’s hard to focus on solutions when you can barely muster the energy to get out of bed! It feels impossible to move forward when you just want to give up. But if you can find one little thing that may help a little, you’ll have a little stepping stone forward. If you can find a seed of hope, if you can water and nourish that seed, then you might see little sprouts of life. Little by little that sprout will grow and blossom.

    But you have to start small. And that looks different for everyone. What does it look like for you?

  20. I lost my cat & Im having soo much trouble trying to cope. My house feels so quiet and strange without him around. It hurts soo much. It all happened so randomly, I wish I would’ve known he was sick. I miss him so much he was my bestfriend. He always wanted to be on my lap 24/7 which makes it that much harder to cope.. its strange not having someone follow me around everywhere. I feel dead on the inside.. & so unhappy and empty.

    1. I’m sorry for your loss, Iris. It’s terrible to lose a beloved cat! Our pets aren’t just animals; they’re part of our hearts, homes, and souls. He loved you so much, and you loved him back…and living without his warm furry weight on your lap must be so hard.

      What was his name? If you want to share memories of him here, I’d love to get to know him 🙂 Sometimes it helps to talk about our lost loved ones…it keeps their memory alive and helps us heal.

      In sympathy,

      1. Thank you so much. His name was Max, & he was such a good cat. He was nice to everyone even strangers. I know some people might think its crazy but the love of a pet is strong, they love unconditionally. You can be mad and scream at them & two seconds later theyll run towards you, not even angry with you. I got my cat when I was young and I remember no matter what happened in my life I was okay because at least I had a loving cat to go home too. He was such a silly cat, he would wrap my arm with his arm and pull it towards his face so I could scratch his head, or he would tap my hand with his little paw over and over again until I would pet him. I miss that terribly. I know one day ill get to see him again, & thats what makes me feel so much better. Death is just a part of life, but its not the end. Writting this all out seriously makes me feel so much better. Thank you so much.

        1. Hi love,
          I’m so sorry you experienced this loss.
          Your story is so cute about the little kitty.
          Now you have a kitty angel in the sky.
          I once read our pets are always with us alive or not. They still play around you and love you.
          I hope you’re feeling better!

  21. Im in 8th and my mom has been scolding me for not looking at high school, I’ve felt “dead inside” for awhile and to be honest I don’t know when it started because I was so young. I don’t even know how I passed all my grades. I just stay in my room now and my mom is getting more mad at me. I know she just wants the best for me but most of my childhood I was doing all the work my mom never showed me, Im still scared I don’t know if I should talk to her because its like talking to a stranger, I feel like if I show her me. The girl who’s immature, grades that are so bad and the girl who doesn’t know who she is. My mom would be disappointed. I lost most of my friends because I wasn’t “happy” as I was before or I was acting different. and so half my friends are from online, video games and etc. I just feel like Im just a -1% out of 7 billion people. I find my life Depressing, sad and useless. I have tried things but stop half way thinking of so many people who would kill for my life. “your just a spoiled selfish little brat good for nothing who doesn’t even go to school.” -mom

  22. I’ve felt dead inside ever since the tenth grade when I started taking college classes. I’ve felt detached from everyone ever since except my family members but when I hang out with anyone it is emotionally draining. Before this I used to connect with people so well. But gradually over time I became antisocial, depressed, and my self esteem has deteriorated. It might have something to do with this guy I’m obsessed with who has done nothing but make me feel constantly not good enough. There are times that I feel alive and times that I feel depressive and empty. It usually lasts for a few days at a time. It’s been a week now and sometimes I snap out of it when I’m with my family and I’m enjoying life but I don’t know how to be happy on campus or with friends. At my job it fluctuates but lately I’ve also been feeling depressed, despite having recently connected with a coworker which I am proud of but the last time I worked with her I was again too depressed to enjoy her company. I feel like whenever I’m attending school it gets worse and I might associate school with feelings of intense insecurity like not feeling good enough. But I’m not sure exactly what the root of it is. I wish I could be happy again and feel alive and enjoy the company of people. It’s crazy how that is my current goal in life, to be happy. I find it sad.

    1. This is me.
      You have written EXACTLY how I feel (and have felt) for so many years.

      Have you looked into Narcissistic Personality Disorder? Please Google and research this. Doing so has given me some relief, some validation that I am not alone with abusive partners. My therapist told me that my husband may have this, and yep: his hits every nail on the head. HARD.

      I am at a turning point in my life. I have been dying a slow, painful emotional death. If I don’t change something, anything that has a possibility self-betterment, I know I will die before it’s my time. These last two years have been excruciating; I feel like I have aged a decade since the summer before last.
      I don’t recognize myself. Even though I have felt disconnected and depressed since basically puberty hit, I miss the girl that I was before this 2.5 year bout of chaos that has been my life.

      There are so many words, so much to say. I have zero friends anymore, as I am too depressed to connect with anyone. I have barely enough energy to get out of bed every morning, let alone have enough to be a good friend. I need to find a support group of some kind, anything that gets me out of my comfort zone to actually talk to others that feel the same.

      I am so tired of being tired. LIving with depression is something that I could never, ever wish for.

    2. One of the things that hit me from your blog is that you mentioned it happens for a week and sometimes you feel better, but you know it’ll go away. Have you looked into PMDD? Usually starts right before your cycle and is much more severe than PMS. There’s is treatment for it as well.

  23. I I am so sorry that you feel so entirely empty.
    One day you will find someone who is right for you.
    Let God guide you. He knows what you need, so, hold on.
    Coming to this site will allow you to express your feelings. You were meant to find it.
    Don’t give up. God won’t.
    Best Wishes

  24. I’m 27. only once one girl loved me and then she broke with me after a year. My uncle passed away. I never kissed a girl. I never have a job more than 3 months, I am low responsible person, and I lost a chance to have a scholarship, my heart broke many times. I don’t have feelings to live. I hate people around me, I am bullied many times. I lost my future to have a better carrier. It doesn’t matter for me if it is summer or winter. I just don’t want to be exist. I can’t live in the way how I wanted. I haven’t a chance to choose. I’m living with my parents. I’ll not get married. I don’t know who will love me when I don’t love me. I hate myself. I am egoist. I don’t care about others. I hope one day my heart will stop beating and I will sleep forever.

    1. I I am so sorry that you feel so entirely empty.
      One day you will find someone who is right for you.
      Let God guide you. He knows what you need, so, hold on.
      Coming to this site will allow you to express your feelings. You were meant to find it.
      Don’t give up. God won’t.
      Best Wishes

  25. For me, it began when my husband passed away. Initially, it was shock, fear, confusion. And now, 9 months later, I still feel scared for the future but now I feel empty. The reality that he is truly gone is taking hold of me.
    I feel lonely and strange. I need to discover who I am without him. We were together for over 30 years, married for 29. I was 18 when we met and 54 when he passed away.
    I don’t know what I feel. I am going through the motions.

    1. Hello Antonella , i am so very sorry for your loss, I have also lost my husband of 46 years we were dating at 15 and he passed away 7 weeks today, he was 62 same age as me. I have a very supportive family who believes they are saying all the right things but have no idea of the constant screaming in my head I feel, NO you don’t know how I feel NO you don’t understand how completely lost and alone I feel. He was my life, my soul mate, my friend, How can anyone understand how empty I am without him.
      I wanted to let you know whatever strength I have remaining I give to you as I really do know the emptiness you feel every minute of every day. I wish you well in whatever your future holds and I hope with gods grace Life will be kind to you.

      1. Thank you Glenys
        The loss of a spouse affects so many different parts of the spouse/partner left behind. Your daily life, roles and support are suddenly different. Bam! People don’t get it unless they’ve had the misfortune of losing a spouse too.
        They’re just scared at our level of grief and so they utter nonsense.
        You were young as was I when we met our loves. I basically grew up with him and now, nothing. It is so hard to be without them when we’ve spent half of our lives together. The loneliness.
        I’ll pray for you as you are in the earlier grief stricken stage than I. Somehow I’ve made it this far, albeit lonely and sad but I’ve made it. May God grant you the same mercy. His compassion is what has carried me.

  26. I’m aspiring to be an accountant but to do accountancy in college I need at least a Grade 6 in maths but I’m in bottom set for maths so when I do my GCSE’s ( which will be next year since i’m currently in year 10 and I will be going into year 11 soon ) I will be sitting the foundation paper which lonely goes up to a Grade 6 but to sit the higher paper I would need to be in 1st or 2nd set in maths .So it’s technically impossible for me to aim to be an account – don’t get me wrong I would like to move up but it’s not possible,is I can’t be an account then what reason do I have for living ? and why have I tried so hard ? when I couldn’t even become an accountant .

  27. I dont know what happened to me lately. Its been a year since i lose myself, my sanity, my direction. I wander. I lost. Everyday i cant think straight, i feel like shattering, hazy, exhausted, shaking, and other things that follows. Ive tried everything to think straight, to keep my sanity. But it always bounce back.

    Since yesterday i decided to connect with my inner self (how do i make those decision is beyond my control, my mental shook a lot). Its getting better, but its hard. Its like crawling out of mud that keep sucking you down. And i often feel absorbed to my surroundings that i cant take myself back.

    Im writing this with a little sanity that is running right now. A little. Hope it adds up day by day. Maybe this inner self is what the world call as God?

    Whatever it is, im working really hard on this. Hope this could help those who experience the same thing that we cant even describe or understand it fully.

    Stay tune with ourself.


    1. Hi Vin,
      Just wanted to thank you for sharing and may I say I know exactly how you feel. This is currently what is happening in my life and has been happening for some time. I never knew life could get you in such a way… just like you describe, its like loosing your sanity, loosing your way and it especially hits hard when you mention the shaking. I experience it too, combined with severe anxiety and panic. You describe it so well when you say that it is almost impossible to describe or understand. I didn’t know it was humanly possible to feel this way….yet, this is how I feel. I collapsed due to stress 2 years ago, and what really helped me was meditation and turning to “my higher self”. I believe we are our own Gods “Higher Selves” and we ourselves posses the answers to our own suffering if we really listen to ourselves. The hard part is that our subconscious mind holds a lot of answers, but usually there is also a lot of blockages that is hard to access in the subconscious…. I am still working on this, and trying to get closer to “my higher self”, and it somewhat helps. Again, thanks for sharing I hope one day we will see our light spring through the cracks.

      Love yourself, always.

  28. Thank you for this. It makes a lot of sense and isn’t a list of things that are almost impossible to do when feeling dead and paralyzed. I can see how backtracking to the cause of the feeling can help to get to the root of the problem so you can process it and move forward. It’s not putting a band aid on the state of crisis. So, again, thank you.

    1. I was thinking the same thing at first! But then I realized there have been times I did feel optimistic and I did feel joy. I also usually felt a sense of dread in the background of my mind but I was able to silence it or hush it and somehow pursue my goals and live my life with some enthusiasm. But there came a point in the past few years when that became impossible because it seemed like the hits kept on coming…one after the other and my life started unraveling. I never had time to process them and get back on solid ground. Have you ever heard of Complex PTSD? If not, you should read up on it – may explain what you’re going through. It’s been a major eye-opener for me and explains a lot.

  29. I think there must be a difference between feeling chronically dead inside and feeling dead inside because you need to heal from some trauma. Maybe there is a “dead inside” that is grief and another that less defined. My life isn’t bad and there isn’t anything bad going on for me. I like my job, it has meaning and I’m constantly challenged by it, I have family although it’s extremely dysfunctional, a fiance that I might actually marry someday and an awesome freaking dog. I recently went to a Foo Fighters concert and that is the first time I’ve felt “alive”, so to speak, in ages, but it was followed by this rebound effect of feeling so old. Those guys are my age or older and, there they are, rocking it out every night to sold out stadiums. They must be the most “alive” people alive. Everything in my life feels so rote, so lather-rinse-repeat. I’m in my mid-40s and wondering if it’s not time for a mid-life crisis but I have no idea how to go about that. The tedium is never-ending and I feel constantly lost in a sea of adult responsibilities, but unfortunately, I’m aware enough to know I can’t recapture my youth and relive the glory years. My eyes automatically roll when I hear the word “passion”.

    1. I just picked up a book called “running on empty” overcome your childhood emotional neglect. It’s by Jonice Webb. It makes so much sense. The reason we don’t feel alive is because we don’t feel all the range of emotions. For some, there an event like the loss of a loved one, but for most it goes back to childhood and how we were raised. I would bet that most ppl that feel dead were not raised in an emotionally intelligent home where emotions were expressed frequently and encouraged. This is why we cannot feel. Expressing your emotions is actually a skill you can learn. It’s very hard
      at first and some may need a counselor. The author has you start by sitting quietly by yourself 3 times a day. You ask yourself how you feel. This is harder than it sounds. Once you identify how you feel, you ask yourself why you feel that way. That’s it. No judgement. There’s a feeling lost at the back of the cook and it helps tremendously. At first I was only able to say “empty” after I read the list i was able to see that I’m , closed off, empty, grey, dead, anxious. It doesn’t sound like much and this is my first time , but I’m going to keep at it.

  30. Have things changed for you at all, over the past few days or weeks? I hope you found a bright spot or even a person that helps lighten the feeling of being dead inside. I’ve been spending time with a guy who struggles constantly with addiction; he uses drugs to feel alive and happy. He says it helps him to stay as busy as possible, because it distracts him from the deadened feelings.

  31. My boyfriend feels dead inside he doesn’t want me to help him. He says that I can’t. And he’s been feeling like this for a long time. I don’t know what to do or how to help him. I want to help him.

  32. I am so tired of the “you have the answer” trope. No, I don’t have the answer. I have always felt dead inside; I cannot remember a time when I did not. I have tried talking about my story in the past, but nobody cared enough to do more than offer banalities. “You’ll get over it,” etc. Not helpful. Now there is no one left to whom to tell my story. I have no loved ones, no friends beyond acquaintances, no family. I go to a therapist but that doesn’t count — they’re paid to listen. Thinking they actually care is like thinking the prostitute really loves you. I don’t enjoy anything, nothing fulfills me, and I don’t have any interests to speak of. I hate working, I hate interacting with people, I pretty much hate everything. The only thing that keeps me from taking my own life is cowardice; if I could find a quick, painless, foolproof method I would surely take it. And why not? There’s nothing for me here. Your breezy advice is well intentioned but utterly useless.

    1. Please pick up the book “running on empty” overcome your childhood emotional neglect by Jonice Webb. It can help you. You don’t have to have any answer for why you feel this way. It’s just from suppressing your emotions since childhood on. Get a new therapist bc the one you have seems to suck. May Hod bless you. I’m praying tor you

  33. Ive felt dead for about 20 years. Brief moments of life when remarried… he died of protate cancer… then fell in love with narcissist…. dead again dont know what to do anymore

  34. I am 19. Im broke mentally , i just want this life to end. Im in college and im supposed to study but i cant focus on studies ..i always take every little thing to heart everyone says that and maybe its true. I cant kill myself , i’ve been thinking about it from so many years but now i know that i dont have the courage to do that. Im weak physically also . Everyone in my family says that i’ve changed and i dont speak much like i used to when i was in school. My mom wants me to join some dance class or something else but i dont want to do anything like that. I dont ever go oustside just stay at home everyday and attend college two or three days a week. .after my graduation my parents want me to go abroad for further studies …its something that i’ve always dreamt about in school but now when i look at my own condition i dont think that i will be able to live there without my parents. ..what should i do ?
    I dont want to live but i cant kill myself.

    1. A – I feel for you. I wish life wasn’t so hard for you. I just wanted you to know that I said a prayer for you. Try to take one day at a time, one step at a time and just get through today. I’ll ask God to intervene and help you. with love donna

  35. I have twin girls 38 yesterday. One is an angry alcholic and one married a Brit and lives in england. Neither one has been that nice to me since teenage with difficult persinalities. They were catered to and im sure me and their dad made that mistake. The one in england is thoughtful and stable but the one here is unstable. Needless to say the one in england cut ties w her alcholic sister and has a happy family in england. The heartache is she lives there with no regard how painful our loss is (grandson 3 who will miss having loving grandparents.) The one here has had 2 divorces. I have the one granddaughter here who i am very close to. I feel like shes all i got out of this deal as both girls have broken my heart. One w her alcoholic and unstable mean behavior (christmas she was drunk and told us to get the F out of her house and life so we did).
    My incredible pain is i feel so cheated out of family. I wouldve never chosen children had i known this was what id get for a family. Nobody can believe me and my husband who are giving caring loving people wkuld be so poorly treated or cast aside.
    Thank God i have my devoted wonderful husband dogs friends church…many other blessings. So when everyone talks about their wonderful families….what should i say as i sit there brokenhearted..

  36. I feel dead inside. I pushed everyone away due to deep depression. The man I want doesn’t want me the same way. My brothers life long schizophrenia has landed him alone in a halfway house – he’s 54 and lost it all.
    My Mom doesn’t remember me often times because she had advanced Alzheimer’s. My Dad’s cancer medicine is zapping his energy. My other brother doesn’t speak to me. So yeH, I pretty much want to die

    1. Oh mary…i wish you were close by so i could come gett you for a ride into my little town for a fun day to lift your spirits… please know there are others who care even though dont know you♡♡♡♡

  37. Everyone leaves me and forgets about me. Life is getting worst and days are getting cloudier, grayer and even darker. My “friends” found new people and left me. I was there for them and they didn’t do 1% of what I’ve done for them. I have bullies and life gets me down every day. I am invited nowhere and I feel empty, but somehow full. I feel like I am not able to breath and I ak silenty crying all day. I feel that I am worthless and my existence is pointless. I used to feel like this before and I thought I cured myself but now, once again, here I am one more time. I have concidered suicide before and I had serious eating disorters. I was becoming anorexic and had an attempt to turn bolimic. Now I have gone to over-eating and depression is only getting worst. I ak detached, lonely, sad, and every day I am wondering why I wake up every morning and I feel like dying. I am helpless.

  38. I lost confidence in myself years ago when I was in college. I got hooked on opioids and dated a girl for over 2 years in college as I got hooked. I used her to cope with the feelings of knowing I was a drug addict. Then we broke up and I graduated (supposed to be best times of our lives I was starting to resent college although if I knew how crappy my life would be years later I would have tried to enjoy it more) . However I believe this is the time when I was gradually becoming dead inside but I didn’t even know it at the time. I lost all my confidence (unless I’m drunk) and I’m on maintence meds at point in my life I do nothing with it. I lost my job been outta work for a year now been to rehabs never worked I’m stuck

  39. I am trying to heal from psychological and emotional abuse from my husband of 50 years. I am in counseling but I have days when all the insidious things come flooding back.

  40. My advice is when you feel dead inside you have to let go everything all your secrets and bad things. You have to admit to yourself and to god so you can be forgiven. Go to church, you can always find and feel alive there. It hurts a lot feeling dead no seeing anyone and you feel nothing inside. I have to start telling everything to my family and god so they can help me get out of the darkness. I’ve always dream of playing soccer and that’s what I’m going to Focus on more and train more. Even if my parents hate me, I still have to tell them the truth. I’ve lost and felt more pain that made me feel dead. To get out the darkness and to be better I have to be better and not do bad things. It’s going to be hard but I’m going to change my life. I want to feel alive and be alive. Right now I’m going have to get out and make my way up with positive thoughts.

  41. When you’re struggling to find ways to come alive – especially when you feel dead inside – it’s important to go where the life is. Find ways to clear the noise and clutter of unhealthy attachments, bad relationships, unhappy people. Listen for the still small voice of God – He is speaking all the time, but you have to be quiet so you can hear the Roar of Something Greater.

    What brings sparks of life, joy, hope and meaning to your life?

  42. Hi I am 23 years old and I am a engineering student. I am good at almost everything sports,studies but still I feel that something is missing from my life. life looks useless,empty.
    Tried many things even doctors think that nothing is wrong but still I feel like a dead person.

  43. Hi Laurie, thank you for been there! I broke up with my partner of 5 years, when we met it was like a light had gone on , we hsd so much in common and as time went on I knew this is what love is. I had been single for 6 yrs and he always used to say it was fate that we met, we were very close. Unbelievable he cheated on me and I found this out on Facebook of all places. He denied it even when I read the message’s from my phone. I loved him so much, I feel so low, how could he do this to me… We are both in our fifties and we used to say we’d grow old together. I had to finally block his number because he was making me ill. Ive also found out from other people that he has lied to me time after time. I thought he was a decent man but I didn’t know him at all, he wanted us to carry on, still denying what he’d done. But I couldn’t and my life feels btoken

  44. thank you for even replying to me. I’m very grateful.
    I’ve printed out your letter and put it in my handbag. I’ll keep reading it. Do you honestly believe going no-contact at all is the best thing for me to do. I spose I am up & down. So happy when I talk to him – because he feels so guilty, he is always nice to me and says that he will always love me. But, obviously, he is now with another woman and wants a different life (like travelling full-time – and that is something I can’t do). Tony says he can’t keep talking/texting, etc – because he feels so bad and guilty. And I don’t want that for him really. Please keep helping me. and thank you again – love from donna

  45. Dear Donna,

    Thank you for being here! I’m sorry for your loss…it’s so difficult to start over after 32 years of marriage. Your whole life has changed, and it’s so much different than you expected it would be, isn’t it? You didn’t think this would happen…and now that you’re over the initial shock and pain, you’re starting to deal with reality. Perhaps that’s why you’re slowly getting worse: the shock has worn off.

    Seeing a psychologist is a great way to start working through your grief — and even learning how to come alive when you feel dead inside! My prayer is that the psychologist you’ve found is the right one for you, that you find hope, encouragement and wisdom that helps you grieve and heal.

    Take heart! You WILL move forward in your life. You will re-establish your identity, and find ways to Blossom into the woman God created you to be. Don’t give up, even though you’re tired and sad. This is when you need to hang tight and hold on to your faith.

    If you haven’t signed up for my free weekly emails, do it now! You can always unsubscribe if you’re getting too much hope, encouragement, and inspiration to Blossom 🙂

    xo Laurie

  46. I do feel very flat, down and depressed. Very lost after my husband leaving me for another woman and a different life after 32 years of a really good marriage. I am still broken hearted after 12 months and feel like I am slowly getting worse. I’ve just started seeing a psychologist – hoping that helps. never felt so sad in my life. And I’m exhausted from trying to work, visit adult kids, just even getting out of bed in the morning. Life is not always very easy – that’s for sure

  47. I am 49 and burnt out. I worked in human services for over 20 years; have a masters in counseling. I have friends and a family but no boyfriend or serious love in years. I feel washed up and empty now/totally spent. I keep my obligations to friends and family but it is all “fake it to make it” I feel dead inside & lost. I have to go back to work soon but feel overwhelmed, sick and very depressed. Insomnia and gaining weight no matter what I eat or exercise; feel hopeless about the future but suicide is not an option because I am the sole adult in state and my father has severe dementia and a older wife.

  48. looking4anintrovertgirl

    There’s just no hope for some of us, no matter how many articles we read about coming alive when we feel dead inside or encouragement we get. It’s just the way we are, we are broken and defective, we are the problem and there’s no motivation or something that can makes us change and it sucks.

    1. yes everything you just said is so spot on…5 years now and im still the same and i swere i tried everything ……the more i tried the more it back fired ! could this be a push last for suiside!?

  49. Thank you for sharing this list with me, Sara! I love it – your life really is filled with joy and purpose. I love a lot of the same things you do, especially learning and travel. My favorite thing to do is go to a conference in a new city or country. In fact, I’m looking for a Christian writers or womens ministry conference for next month. It’s my birthday, and I want to treat myself to a travel/learning trip 🙂

    The biggest thing that makes me feel alive is God. He really is the source of all light, life, love, joy, peace and freedom…and I never feel more joy than when I connect with Him.

    Like you, I also enjoy connecting with my partner (my husband) – as long as we’re having intellectual conversations. I feel the same way as you do 🙂

    Thanks for being here; I really am happy to have “met” you.

    Take good care of yourself, and keep doing those things that make you feel alive!


  50. Hello Laurie,
    For years I have been struggling with these things. And I was scared to tell anyone how I really felt. I was down and googled, “feeling dead inside” because I wanted to know if I was the only one that felt that way, or if there was a reason I felt that way or what would come up. I read your post and it is true. Thank you so much. I have done the list. It made me feel so much better and I did feel alive after I started to think about what you wrote and those things that bring me to life, give me joy and purpose. I will keep these as reminders

    The top things I love to do, that bring me life and meaning and joy and purpose are:

    1. I used to love meditating and connecting with G-d and still do it at times. I loved when I went to Israel and want to go again. ( I am Sephardic Jewish but, secular in religion not strict)
    2. I used to love drawing
    3. I used to love playing guitar and at times piano.
    4. I love listening to music
    5. I love spending time with my boyfriend, as long as we are connecting, having intellectual conversations, sharing new ideas…
    6. I love when my niece hugs me and hugging her
    7. I love spending time with my friends and family
    8. I love learning
    9. I love watching the Net Geo, and history
    10. I love to travel
    11. I love helping others that are grateful, appreciative
    12. I love making a difference in this world and contributing to the solution, helping the less fortunate, the homeless, rejected.

  51. Dear Mary,

    Thank you for sharing your story here. It sounds like you and your husband have had a long history together, and it’s not easy to untangle all those problems.

    The best way to find yourself again – and to come alive when you feel dead inside! – is to do what brings you life. When I feel like life is crushing me and deadening my soul, I take time to remember what once filled me with joy, excitement, and exuberance.

    I find connecting with God to be the most powerful way to come back to myself. He is the engine of the universe, the underlying hum that keeps us all going. God is the source of all life, love, energy, and freedom.

    God created you for a purpose, and He loves you deeply. Your job is to accept His love and listen for His still small voice. Who did He create you to be, Mary? What personality traits and strengths and gifts has He given you?

    You will find yourself when you pursue the things you love in life. Your first step is to make a list of 10 things you love to do, things that bring you life and meaning and joy and purpose. You can make that list here, if you like – I’d love to read it! You actually already listed a few things in your original comment.

    And, here’s an article that might help you find your footing in your marriage:

    10 Ways to Build Your Confidence and Stop Being a Needy Woman

    And finally, a question for you: What would happen if you let go of your husband’s control over you? You and he are in a marriage dance – and you are participating equally. How would it feel to stop dancing with him?


  52. I can join this “club”. My spouse has extreme jealousy, and even if I’m only texting a male friend he gets pissed and I get accused of cheating. After 20 yrs of marriage, faithful the entire time even when he was addicted to alcohol and being verbally and physically abusive towards me, you would think he would trust me.

    He knows my history, as far as I have always had male friends… I’m considered one of the guys. In high school it was normall for me to stay at one of my guy friends house for the night… Nothing ever happened.

    With my personality, I’m very social and really like being around people, talking, texting, etc. He is more of a hermit, unless he goes with me. He doesn’t let me go anywhere alone. I guess finally something something snapped. I buryed my personality to the point I feel dead inside. I’m not on any social media, no texting, talking, nothing. I barely leave my room. After about a month he decided that he doesn’t like it, cuz he also gets no response from me.

    I have no idea how to resurrect myself. If I leave my room, I put on a fake smile just so I don’t have to answer any questions.

    As a little background: I am bi-polar, have BPD, and a severe anxiety disorder.

    Amy suggestions as to how to start getting myself back?

  53. Dear Mike,

    I’m sorry for not responding earlier (I’m traveling in Vietnam, and it’s not easy to keep up!) – and I’m even more sorry that you’re having such a difficult time. It’s easy for me to write a blog post about “coming alive when you feel dead inside” – but I know that the actual experience is incredibly painful.

    What have you done so far, to pull yourself out of the black hole of depression that you feel? Different things work for different people, and you may need to keep experimenting with different types of solutions until you find what works for you.

    Have you talked to a doctor or counselor about your feelings of depression? That may be the first and best place to start….

    What friends or family members can help you pull through this? Don’t give up hope, and don’t give in to despair! It can seem easy to give up when you feel dead inside, but stay hopeful. Know that you CAN get through this if you keep pushing forwards. Find sources of energy that are helpful and strong, and remember that you were created for a purpose. Your job is to find that purpose, and live with meaning and joy in your life….

    I have to run for the overnight train to Hanoi — have you tried traveling as a method to come alive again??


  54. Just to follow up on that i just really have a blackhole of depression in my chest. I feel dead inside about everything in every situation.I know my father might have or have not caused this with a vindictive motive towards me but either way it happened and i know i need to get myself out of this situation…i just hope i can do it, i think about giving up everyday. It’s just so hard to dig myself out of this hole of misery and mentall craziness. I dont have a car and i know the only way i can get a new job and be able to pay rent is with a car, but i gotta pay rent every month therefore i must keep working for my dad and its just gonna be so hard and take so much energy to save enough money for a vehicle and insurance and all that.i just dont think i can find the will to dig myself out of this deep hole of misery. And feeling like this everyday just makes it that much harder

  55. I’ve felt dead inside for years now, i wasn’t always like this i used to be filled with excitement. Im 29 now and i cant seem to connect or have any feelings in everyday situations that normal people do. I feel like i have no soul i feel really empty always. I have really bad thoughts about how to end it. I just dont want to affect the people i love. I believe that with my negative feelings and the non ability to connect or feel with other people will rub off on them. I cant even put it into words when they ask me whats wrong, i always just play it off like nothings wrong. Its come to a point where i think im being fake to everyone all the time. Im ruining every relationship with family and freinds ive ever had just by not being able to feel emotions when im with them. Ive turned to drugs to fill the void and thats gotten pretty bad. I cant seem to make myself do anything about it. I have no money for a psychiatrist or anti depression drugs. Ive been working with my dad for years now and i have such anger and resentment built up towards him, i honestly feel he is the reason for all of this.i think he has mentally tryed to kill my soul. I used to be filled with excitemnt and people really liked to be around me,i was always happy and had alot of freinds and i truley believe he was angry about this becuase he was never a people person and let people walk all over him. And i know that i shouldn’t be saying stuff about my father like this, but there have been times where ive caught him doing really messed up stuff towards me for no reason. I dont know if im just crazy or if its a real thing. The things he has done are subtle but very vindictive and very noticeable to me that he was intentionally trying to bring me down mentally and emotionally. I just wrote this comment to get this stuff off my chest becuase ive never told anyone this stuff, i would never tell my brother or anyone else because my dad acts completely different around them. But its gotten to a point where hes literally killed my soul and has brought me down to his level. Im stuck working for him and cant seem to muster up enough energy to get myself out of this pit of misery.

    1. Hi i had the exact same situation with my grandmother and my mother. In our family it was a narcissistic disorder. Most people assume narcissism means you are in love with yourself but that is not what it is. It means you are desperate to maintain a fake appearance that other people will love. So they go out of their way to pretend in public what a great family person they are, pick out the “favorites” in the family who will back up this story, post pictures on facebook that are so fake of their happy perfect family. Meanwhile the black sheep (me, you I think) aka the “unfavorite” sees the truth. It’s not your imagination, when you say “subtle but very vindictive and very noticeable to me that he was intentionally trying to bring me down mentally and emotionally” it’s really happening. That’s what they do. It’s because you were strong enough to not play along and face reality, because of that you are a threat to their charade. You probably feel like its better to be honest than to keep lying, but your dad doesn’t agree. The only way he can continue to be superior to you is to either continue screwing with your finances, keeping you dependent on him, paying you very little while criticizing you and making you too numb to fight back or leave. At some level he wants to control you and make sure you can’t get away and succeed, because then you would win and you wouldn’t need him anymore, and you wouldn’t be under his thumb any more, and the whole world would take you seriously and believe you when you told the truth about him. Will they believe a druggie son who can’t afford a car even though his kind and generous and wonderful father is even helping give him work? Nope. You see. There’s a script where he’s always the generous, giving hero and you are the ingrate son, and he wants to keep it that way because he has all the power.

      You say “I honestly feel he is the reason for all of this.i think he has mentally tryed to kill my soul.” He has. Don’t doubt yourself. Read also on “gaslighting.”

      My #1 suggestion to you, is this. I am actually trying to get rid of my car. I started using a bicycle and it is 10000x better than owning a car.

      Don’t ever feel trapped. That’s what they want you to feel. It’s called “learned helplessness” and there are animal experiments on it where they shock a dog no matter whether it behaves or misbehaves until finally it gives up. It just sits in a corner and doesn’t even react when they keep shocking it. It has learned to be helpless, even when it behaved well and did what it’s masters wanted they still punished it. I am a dog lover and I read about this experiment in a psychology book, it makes me sad they did this to a dog but I felt the truth in it then. We are the ones who are expereiencing “learned helplessness” because no matter what we do we are punished. You must break free. My bike, it was a first step, to not being the fat ugly girl, the dependent girl, the girl who coudln’t do anything right, the girl who couldn’t afford insurance and gas and needed money from her family. There is great value in returning to simplicity, I feel.

      BTW I also now develop solar powered appliances and work from my home. I think you will understand why. Solar power is free energy, free power, free life from the sun. The sun doesn’t play games or criticize or withold its gift whenever it feels like punishing you. The sun is out, like clockwork, providing unconditionally, the one thing in life that is so utterly reliable the watch was invented because of it. The sun is everything my parents were not. I build heaters and ovens that run on the heat from the sun, and use no electricity. I am tired of being dependent on abusive people, and by extension utility companies, bills. I love living free, basking in sunlight that takes care of all my needs, and finding new ways of using the sun’s unlimited gift to heat, cool, cook, heat water, and so on. Perhaps you could consider a green career. If I had my youth to do over again, I’d study engineering.

      But for you, step one is to believe yourself and recognize it is not your fault. The abuse is real. Then find a way to free yourself, a little bit. It’s accumulative. One little bit of freedom leads to another. Dump your family as soon as you can (believe it or not, co-dependency is the other side of the coin of narcissism. So once you are gone and doing well on your own, they will come begging you to come back and spend time with them, in other words, to trap you back into the cycle of being the stepped-on kid, to act like all of your reasons for avoiding them are selfish and crazy, and guilt trip you (privately). But in public, they want you back to pretend like we’re all still one happy, perfect family, especially now to show off their independently successful and skinny, suddenly “hot” again daughter. Because your success is all due to their wonderful parenting skills, right? Really, they just want to use you to put their other brothers and sisters down for having fat, dependent kids. This happened to me. It’s toxic to be around them. I only call/text/email them for birthdays and Christmas and Thanksgiving, but never actually go to their house anymore. If you are fortunate enough to get a clean break, good riddance and don’t look back). Be careful who you let into your life as friends, as those of us who were taught that being abused and taken advantage of by your parents is normal, will find friends who abuse and take advantage, because it feels “familiar”. Be real careful about that. Oh, and the best three words of advice I ever got were “but it’s true”. Face what you are feeling, and dump the drugs. Question whether being around toxic dad is driving you to suicide – not overtly, but slowly via drugs and alcohol. Dump the dad, dump the drugs, both are self-sabotaging to have in your life. Ok sorry this was really long, but I identified so much with your story. Good luck.

      1. You are so right Ellie, i have cut ties with all my relatives and I’m now finding my feet again without the abuse. My ex husband tried to kill me with a butcher knife and two of my now ex sisters said i deserved what he had done to me. I never deserved it and i wouldn’t wish it to happen to anyone else either, i feel so much freedom since cutting those abusive people from my life, i still at times feel empty and dead in side as ive put up with this abuse my whole life from these people but I’m on a spiritual journey to try snd heal the wounds that have been dug so deeep for over 40yrs i am now 43yrs old and have 3 kids and a new loving and caring partner in my life, i teach my kids to be independent and to love themselves unconditionally no matter what anyone says or does to try and bring them down i teach them that they are in control of them and self love will get them through, i wish i had been taught this as a child instead of being laughed at and put down for years. Thanks for sharing your thoughts they are all so true.

    2. Hey, it’s been quite a while since you’ve last posted, and I don’t know if you’ll ever see this, but what you’ve described sounds like narcissistic abuse.

      There’s an emotional healer I know of out there, who can teach you how to heal from narcissistic abuse.

      I myself am a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and what you’ve described sounds very familiar.

      But I promise you can heal from this, and it does not have to take years. Within a month’s time you can find great relief.

      Healing from narcissistic abuse is a work in progress, but change does not have to take ages.

    3. He Michael, you are giving your dad waaay to much power. It is up to you to disconnect, really. He is just another human being who makes mistakes.

      You need to do all you can to become independent of him. Do not feel guilty ‘because he is your dad’. It is a well known fact that among toxic people could be our relatives too. He is TOXIC for you. You need to leave.

  56. For me, there’s no obvious reason like an event as I’ve felt like this most of my life. I can remember feeling this way sometimes when I was a child and not being able to describe it. I’ve had lots of therapy and if I needed to find an event I could probably point to a general disconnection and lack of empathy within my family.

    As a result, I never feel “seen”, and I think this sense of “I will always be alone” is what is causing all the pain. I think it is because while aloneness is painful, togetherness is terrifying, and the sheer panic I associate with connection stops me in my tracks a lot of the time.

    I’m trying my best to be mindful and just trust that I can do something about the perpetual emptiness but it’s so difficult to believe when you don’t know anything else.

    1. Ann,
      I don’t know if you’ll see this because you responded 2 years ago but your story is similar to mine. I’ve recently found out about Complex PTSD. You may want to read up on it….it may fit and a lot of things will make sense.

      Good luck!

    2. Have you heard about power of attractiveness. You get what you desire, if you feel you will be alone thats exactly what you get. Think about something that you desire most and universe will use it power to give it to you. I would say if you want love, have pictures on your home that describes love, be aroung things that is love for you. Love has many forms, nature is one of them who does not ask anything in return. You can start with it. I hope you find a way.

  57. It takes a lot of courage and strength to talk about how you feel. You’re being totally honest – and that’s the first step to getting healthy and happy again!

    When I feel totally overwhelmed – and dead inside – I find it helpful to get away. A weekend or week away would be awesome, but even just an hour or two by myself is what I need. It helps to take a step back from the situation, and see it with a more objective perspective.

    The other thing I do is write in my journal. I write everything and anything that comes to mind! Just spill my guts…it helps me unload and vent. Once I get everything out of me, I can see my life more clearly. I can make difficult decisions, and figure out how to move forward.

    Would that help you?

  58. I just can’t come back from that feeling. Once it became part of me, it was like no going back. Nothing can motivate me to even GET out of bed. The bad thing, I am lucky for what I have. I’ve lost nothing of value and yet the emptiness impedes my very being. I have more than many, and yet, I just can’t fight this feeling of being dead within. I feel like my soul left, my heart to – they are lost somewhere that I can’t find them. I feel like mine was a slow, gradual disappointment in how people around me in general are behaving and acting. MAYBE mine is how my partner verbally abuses me as well, he’s some what controlling as well, I don’t know. I just know I’m tired all the time and my vivaciousness of life is gone. I just want to sleep, and be left alone, but at the same time, I want to be the same happy, vivacious, energetic person I USE to be before 2010. I use to not be able to wait for morning so I could get up and begin my days, NOW, I stay up most the night because I can’t sleep. I’m in bed usually by 3am and then I try to stay in bed as late as possible. When I say “as late as possible”, my usual wake up time NOW is 6 – 7 PM. I wake up before that, I just make myself stay in bed and fall back asleep. I’ll stay in bed til my back starts hurting for laying there so long. I don’t feel like this feeling is ever gonna end.

    1. I couldn’t have written anything myself that could fit the exact way I feel. It’s as if I’m in a prison where I can see out at what used to be just to taunt me and make me more miserable and empty. It’s intolerable and as a man makes me feel weak, irrelevant and useless. I’ve no reason to be this way. On the outside my life is one I think most would consider blessed. On the inside I’m black, cold and angry.

    2. I feel this way. empty, hollow, weak. My partner verbally attacks to bring me down and makes me feel as if its my fault it happening. sex feels meaningless and i feel their is no more passion. it doesn’t matter what mood i’m in he will take advantage of me regardless. he never abuses me but i feel the negativity in everything he say and does. i feel like im just some empty shell inside. cant stop thinking about negativity when all im around is negativity. i think the worst and im constantly drowning in it all, all day every day. its draining to have all this negativity and it feels like hes sucking my soul. laughs taunts and crushes me when im down. i want to be uplifted. not knocked down lower than how im already feeling. makes me feel as if im with a demon. i tell him i want him to leave and he stays. multi times. nothing happens. its a never ending cycle.

      1. He IS abusing you – it’s called emotional abuse. It’s almost worse then physical abuse because it’s so subtle (I say almost because with physical abuse, there’s also emotional abuse) and hard to put your finger on but if you reread your post, you’ll see it.

        It took me about 2 years to get the courage to make my emotional abuser leave. There were a lot of reasons I didn’t do it but I was eventually at a crossroads where it was my sanity vs his needs. I chose my sanity. Thank goodness I still had some will to live and a little strength left in me. That was about 4 months ago – I’m still dealing with the effects of being with him…. it’s going to take a while because he did a number on me. But there were many other things that happened in my life when I was with him and some that happened in the past couple of months that have pushed me over the edge so I can’t blame him 100%. But it was essential I got him out of my life to try to begin to move forward. It WAS terrifying to make the break but I immediately felt a sense of relief when I told him. The last time I told him, I knew it was the actual end and so did he and he didn’t try to manipulate me that time. I was surprised at my sense of relief. In 4 months, I have not once ever regretted my decision or second-guess myself.

        Good luck – I hope you can find the strength to leave him.

  59. Over a year ago my children and I moved. We left behind everything. The children’s dad was in prison, again. The man with whom I had been living was having numerous affairs, he went back to using drugs, and was killed in a car accident.
    I got my children situated at school, found a place to live, and a job. I am an alcoholic, so I started going to meetings.
    I began a friendship with a man. It was easy to talk with him. He did not initiate sex, but just would hold me. I met a woman who became my best friend. Our children all play together; she is dovircrd, too. She has become like family. I have family here, but I’m not very close to them.
    The man who’s a friend became friends with my best friend. Although my best friend tells me there will never be anything between her and the man I like, I have been consumed with jealousy. It has affected my relationship with my best friend. I haven’t heard from the man I like since I told him I’d live to be more than friends. I go to church and go to shall group. I still feel abandoned and alone. I continue to pray for God to heal me. To bless my life and my children’s with happiness, love, and peace. I’m struggling every day.

  60. I feel extremely tired. I continuously going around this sickening vicious cycle of verbally abuse with my partner. My energy is so low that I don’t knowif I can do what I need to get out of this situation.