“I tried everything to heal the grief but nothing works,” said a reader. How do you heal a broken heart that refuses to get better? These thoughts may help, especially if you feel like you tried everything to heal your heart after losing someone you love…but nothing worked.
I was inspired to write this article by a comment from a reader called Paul. His wife recently died, and he’s learning that time doesn’t heal all wounds.
“I’m trying to do what I can,” says Paul. “It’s been a little over six months since I lost my wife. I’m in grief counseling, I go to events, I initiate things, exercise and even trying some meditation. I still feel extremely isolated and not connected to the people I’m meeting. I still haven’t found a single true friend. The one person who meant the world to me is gone. I’m young but my heart feels so heavy. This is too damn hard and I’m scared that I’m failing. I’ve tried everything to heal but I’m getting nowhere.”
My heart breaks for him. Losing your wife is one of the most painful losses a man can experience — if not the most painful loss. He’s trying everything to heal his heart, but nothing is working. And it sounds like he’s open to trying things he’s never done before, such as meditation, meeting new friends, and going to events.
One thing that stood out to me was Paul’s fear that he is “failing” to recover from the grief he feels. Is it possible to try too hard to heal your heart?
After You Tried Everything to Heal Your Heart…
My “She Blossoms” blog posts — especially the ones on grief that feels like it’ll never end — are usually broken up into five different categories: Spirit, Heart, Soul, Body, and Brain. This offers a holistic approach to healing a broken heart, and covers the the whole person.
But this time, I feel that giving you a list of things to do, tips, or strategies isn’t the best approach. You’ve already tried everything to heal your heart, and nothing worked. The last thing you need is another list of tips for recovering from grief!
Instead, I want to ask you a few questions. Take time to think about your answers. You might find it even more helpful to write your thoughts in a private journal. Sorting through your feelings and untangling your emotions can be a helpful way to heal a broken heart, especially if you’ve already tried everything.
How long “should” it take you to heal?
Maybe you expected it to take six months to heal, or even a year. Maybe the reason you’re trying everything to heal your heart is because you don’t want to deal with the pain longer than absolutely necessary. This is normal! Grief is heavy and overwhelming, and you just want it to be over.
It might be helpful to figure out how long you thought it’d take to heal the pain. If you thought it’d take six months and yet you’re still struggling a year later, then perhaps your expectations are adding to your grief. There is no “right” amount of time for grief to end — even if you’re trying everything to heal. Your heart will take as long as it needs to heal…and you need to give it time. Let your heart heal at its own pace.
What do you think about not trying to heal your heart?
Grief counseling, exercise, meditation, exercise, and time with friends and family are good ways to heal grief. But, perhaps it’s too soon to do those things. If it’s been six months or less, perhaps you need to just grieve without doing anything. Maybe you just need to cry for a week, or a month, or even a year. Maybe you just need to let the grief wash over you instead of trying to move through it too quickly.
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When you tried everything to heal your heart and yet you’re still overwhelmed with grief, you may need to stop working so hard. Don’t give up hope for healing the pain of losing someone you love! Your heart will heal and you will feel happy and whole again. Just allow your heart to be broken for a little while.
Who can you tell anything and everything to?
In his comment, Paul didn’t say anything about God or spirituality. A personal relationship with Jesus can be the most comforting, peaceful, joyful experience for people who are grieving. If you tried everything to heal your heart after loss but you haven’t talked to God, perhaps you might give it a try.
Here are some sentences to get you started:
- “God, ever since my loved one died I feel ________________.”
- “Jesus, why did you let this happen? I trusted You to _______________.”
- “I know You don’t love me, God, because ___________________.”
- “God, I’ve tried everything to heal my heart. Why aren’t You ______________?”
Talk to God. You can tell Him anything and everything; He’s heard it all before. Plus, what do you have to lose? Maybe you’ll hear nothing…or maybe you’ll find a peace that surpasses all understanding.
If you’re struggling with your husband’s death, read Help and Hope When You’re Living Alone After He Dies. Scroll down to the comments section, for that’s where the gold is.
How do you feel about my questions and thoughts on healing a broken heart after you tried everything? Your comments – big and little – are welcome below! I read every comment, but don’t worry: I won’t give advice or tell you what to do. It’s your turn to talk.
Laurie's "She Blossoms" Books
Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back offers hope, encouragement, and strength for women walking through loss. My Blossom Tips are fresh and practical - they stem from my own experiences with a schizophrenic mother, foster homes, a devastating family estrangement, and infertility.
How to Let Go of Someone You Love: Powerful Secrets (and Practical Tips!) for Healing Your Heart is filled with comforting and healthy breakup advice. The Blossom Tips will help you loosen unhealthy attachments to the past, seal your heart with peace, and move forward with joy.
When You Miss Him Like Crazy: 25 Lessons to Move You From Broken to Blossoming After a Breakup will help you refocus your life, re-create yourself, and start living fully again! Your spirit will rise and you'll blossom into who you were created to be.