You want to hold on, but you have to let go. Letting go of a relationship you want to keep is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. It’s also one of the healthiest.
I just finished writing the fourth edition of How to Let Go of Someone You Love. I wrote it because my article on letting go of a relationship you want to keep was one of my top ten blog posts for years. My She Blossoms readers struggled to let go of past relationships, but they didn’t know how.
But there’s another reason I started writing about letting go. About ten years ago, my sister stopped talking to me. It was horrible; I thought I was going to die without her in my life! I was wrestled with guilt, shame, and self-loathing. Learning how to let go of her was the hardest thing I’ve ever done…and it was one of the healthiest. That’s why I write a lot about letting go of relationships you want to keep and gently detaching from people you loved and lost.
Letting go of someone you love isn’t about erasing a relationship, avoiding grief, or forgetting the person you lost. Rather, letting go is about gently detaching from the past so you can move into the future. Letting go is about getting unstuck and living in freedom, peace, and joy.
Letting Go of a Relationship You Want to Keep
Maybe you’re struggling to let go of a relationship you want to keep because you’ve been together for years. You know it’s not a healthy relationship, but you’ve been together for so long that you can’t envision life without him.
Maybe you’re scared to start over.
One of my “She Blossoms” readers, Molly, was married to an abusive man for 17 years. They tried everything to save their relationship: relationship counseling, workshops, support groups. Her husband wanted to stop exploding in rage, he said, but Molly made him crazy.
He told her that she was stupid, boring, and fat. Molly knew she had to leave but she couldn’t admit marrying him was a mistake. She knew she had to let this relationship go but she desperately wanted to keep it alive. She felt embarrassed and ashamed, and she didn’t want to be divorced. She begged God to change her husband’s heart.
Molly knew she had to let go of the hopes she had for her marriage but she couldn’t find the strength. She also knew deep down that letting go would help her heal but she was scared of the future.
“To make things worse, I was suffering from a bad skin condition,” Molly said. “My body and face were covered with rashes and pimples. A type of stress-induced eczema. I didn’t want to see a skin doctor or dermatologist because I was committed to organic living.”
Want to Blossom?
She consulted four naturopathic doctors over five years; they recommended diets, balms, natural remedies. She prayed for healing. Nothing worked.
Molly eventually realized she had to choose between continuing down the same road or starting a new path. She knew it was time to start letting go of her relationship, no matter how much she wanted to keep it.
She let go
“I don’t know what finally clicked,” she said, “but I decided enough was enough, in both my health and my marriage. God hates divorce but my husband wasn’t honoring me. His anger and abuse were sins. It was too late to have the family I wanted, but it wasn’t too late to be happy.”
With a counselor’s help, Molly created a plan to leave her husband.
“I thought I’d never survive the end of my marriage, but I did,” she said. “I also didn’t want to see a skin doctor, but I did that too. Her prescription healed my skin within a month.”
Letting go to a relationship you want to keep seems like the hardest thing you’ll ever do….until you actually start doing it. Then, you start to see that it took more time, energy and strength to keep holding on. You realize that letting go brings freedom, strength, peace, and joy.
What are you holding onto? You know it’s time to let go. You’re here because you want to learn how to let go of a relationship that isn’t healthy or good for you. You want to be free, happy, and healthy again! But you don’t know how.
Letting go of someone you love
In How to Let Go of Someone You Love I share stories about letting go from me and a few “She Blossoms” readers. Our experiences with love and loss will comfort and encourage you.
Even better, I offer 25 Blossom Tips, each paired with a practical “how to.” Every tip highlights a different part of who you are—spirit, heart, soul, body, and brain. This holistic approach will help you move forward in different ways, according to your personality, mood, energy level and lifestyle.
The Blossom Tips are actionable insights that will fill your heart and help you heal! If you want to dig into your faith, for example, you’ll love the Spirit Blossoms. If you need emotional healing you’ll find comfort in the Heart Blossoms. If you want to explore the creative side of your personality, you’ll love the Soul Blossoms; they’re designed to help you express who God created you to be! You’ll be physically strengthened by the Body Blossoms, and intellectually challenged by the Brain Blossoms.
My life with a schizophrenic mother, absent father, foster homes, attempted rape, infertility, and three years in Africa taught me that choosing to grow forward is essential for healing!
Your thoughts on letting go of a relationship you want to keep are welcome below Writing is one of the best ways to discover what you really think and feel. Take time to stop and listen to God’s still small voice, and you will start healing and moving forward.
I read every comment, but don’t worry. I won’t give advice or tell you what to do. It’s your turn to talk.
Need marriage help? Get free relationship advice from Marriage Coach Mort Fertel.
Want to Blossom into who God created you to be? Sign up for my free weekly "Blossom Tips" email!