Letting Go of a Relationship You Want to Keep

You want to hold on, but you have to let go. Letting go of a relationship you want to keep is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. It’s also one of the healthiest.

I just finished writing the fourth edition of How to Let Go of Someone You Love. I wrote it because my article on letting go of a relationship you want to keep was one of my top ten blog posts for years. My She Blossoms readers struggled to let go of past relationships, but they didn’t know how.

But there’s another reason I started writing about letting go. About ten years ago, my sister stopped talking to me. It was horrible; I thought I was going to die without her in my life! I was wrestled with guilt, shame, and self-loathing. Learning how to let go of her was the hardest thing I’ve ever done…and it was one of the healthiest. That’s why I write a lot about letting go of relationships you want to keep and gently detaching from people you loved and lost.

Letting go of someone you love isn’t about erasing a relationship, avoiding grief, or forgetting the person you lost. Rather, letting go is about gently detaching from the past so you can move into the future. Letting go is about getting unstuck and living in freedom, peace, and joy.

Letting Go of a Relationship You Want to Keep

Maybe you’re struggling to let go of a relationship you want to keep because you’ve been together for years. You know it’s not a healthy relationship, but you’ve been together for so long that you can’t envision life without him.

Maybe you’re scared to start over.

One of my “She Blossoms” readers, Molly, was married to an abusive man for 17 years. They tried everything to save their relationship: relationship counseling, workshops, support groups. Her husband wanted to stop exploding in rage, he said, but Molly made him crazy.

letting go of a relationship you want to keepHe told her that she was stupid, boring, and fat. Molly knew she had to leave but she couldn’t admit marrying him was a mistake. She knew she had to let this relationship go but she desperately wanted to keep it alive. She felt embarrassed and ashamed, and she didn’t want to be divorced. She begged God to change her husband’s heart.

Molly knew she had to let go of the hopes she had for her marriage but she couldn’t find the strength. She also knew deep down that letting go would help her heal but she was scared of the future.

“To make things worse, I was suffering from a bad skin condition,” Molly said. “My body and face were covered with rashes and pimples. A type of stress-induced eczema. I didn’t want to see a skin doctor or dermatologist because I was committed to organic living.”

She consulted four naturopathic doctors over five years; they recommended diets, balms, natural remedies. She prayed for healing. Nothing worked.

Molly eventually realized she had to choose between continuing down the same road or starting a new path. She knew it was time to start letting go of her relationship, no matter how much she wanted to keep it.

She let go

“I don’t know what finally clicked,” she said, “but I decided enough was enough, in both my health and my marriage. God hates divorce but my husband wasn’t honoring me. His anger and abuse were sins. It was too late to have the family I wanted, but it wasn’t too late to be happy.”

With a counselor’s help, Molly created a plan to leave her husband.

“I thought I’d never survive the end of my marriage, but I did,” she said. “I also didn’t want to see a skin doctor, but I did that too. Her prescription healed my skin within a month.”

Letting go to a relationship you want to keep seems like the hardest thing you’ll ever do….until you actually start doing it. Then, you start to see that it took more time, energy and strength to keep holding on. You realize that letting go brings freedom, strength, peace, and joy.

What are you holding onto? You know it’s time to let go. You’re here because you want to learn how to let go of a relationship that isn’t healthy or good for you. You want to be free, happy, and healthy again! But you don’t know how.

Letting go of someone you love

Letting Go of a Relationship You Want to KeepIn How to Let Go of Someone You Love I share stories about letting go from me and a few “She Blossoms” readers. Our experiences with love and loss will comfort and encourage you.

Even better, I offer 25 Blossom Tips, each paired with a practical “how to.” Every tip highlights a different part of who you are—spirit, heart, soul, body, and brain. This holistic approach will help you move forward in different ways, according to your personality, mood, energy level and lifestyle.

The Blossom Tips are actionable insights that will fill your heart and help you heal! If you want to dig into your faith, for example, you’ll love the Spirit Blossoms. If you need emotional healing you’ll find comfort in the Heart Blossoms. If you want to explore the creative side of your personality, you’ll love the Soul Blossoms; they’re designed to help you express who God created you to be! You’ll be physically strengthened by the Body Blossoms, and intellectually challenged by the Brain Blossoms.

My life with a schizophrenic mother, absent father, foster homes, attempted rape, infertility, and three years in Africa taught me that choosing to grow forward is essential for healing!

Your thoughts on letting go of a relationship you want to keep are welcome below Writing is one of the best ways to discover what you really think and feel. Take time to stop and listen to God’s still small voice, and you will start healing and moving forward.

I read every comment, but don’t worry. I won’t give advice or tell you what to do. It’s your turn to talk.


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4 thoughts on “Letting Go of a Relationship You Want to Keep”

  1. Hi – I’m Donna from Australia. Can I ask a more specific question – what do I do when I am trying to let go of my ex-husband and move on with my life when all I seem to do is ‘think’ of him. Visions of Tony just pop into my head. Or I see something, like a father’s day card and then I think of how he was such a good dad to our three kids – and still is. But it hurts so much, and I am a complete mess really. I wish I never thought about him, never saw him in my mind’s eye, could stop missing him and loving him still, I wish I could move on. So…. when I think of him, should I gently let the thought go??

  2. Hi, Laurie I recently subscribed to your weekly newsletter and I must thank you.. You’re articles are so helpful. I have problem letting go of my relationship and I must admit it has broken me down physically and mentally. I was afraid to share what I’m going through so I started to read alot on how to control my emotions and all those crap but with your article it has given me a more positive feeling towards letting go.. I also shared your article with my friends whom I know are going through letting go situation. Thanks alot can’t wait to get more articles 😊

  3. Hi Laurie, I’ve just finished reading your latest tips on how too end a relationship that’s going no where. I’ve been best of friends with a very special person who,s been in my life a good few years now. But this past couple of years things seemed too have changed between us and he,s just not the same kind and helpful person he used too be! Other so called! Friends of his keep causing trouble between us and he doesn’t seem too believe me when I mention what that say. I don’t want too lose my dear friend but, I can’t carry on like this anymore because it’s making me ill. So after reading your latest blog, I came too a decision! And made my mind up too slowly cut back any contact and days out with him because it just doesn’t feel enjoyable any more. I have too do it for my own well being! I hope it works out for me. Best wishes and thanks. Gillian😊