How to Deal With Guilty Feelings After Your Dog’s Death


Even if you didn’t cause your dog’s death, you still feel guilty. It’s a natural response to pet loss. If you accidentally killed your pet dog, you’ll be overwhelmed with guilty feelings. Here, you’ll find help dealing with the pain and grief.

I am so sorry for your loss. It’s heartbreaking to cope with a pet’s death; the grief when your dog dies feels overwhelming and heartbreaking. I can’t imagine exactly how you feel, but I’ve grieved the loss of two dogs and three cats. I know the heartbreak of a beloved pet’s death.

I’ve also heard from hundreds of readers who were somehow involved in their dog’s death. Some were directly responsible for accidentally causing their dogs to die, while others feel like they put their dogs to sleep too soon. After you read my tips on how to deal with guilty feelings after a dog’s death, read through the comments section. You’ll feel both better and worse. You’ll see you are not alone.





If you accidentally hurt your dog – or you wonder if you put your dog to sleep too soon – you’ll feel overwhelmed with guilt and shame. You loved your dog with all your heart. The last thing you wanted to do was cause your dog harm or death.

Most pet owners deal with guilty feelings after their dog dies. They struggle to learn how to live without their best friends after pet loss. In this article, you’ll find a variety of practical and emotional ways to deal with guilty feelings after your dog dies. These ideas may or may not work for you, but I encourage you to at least think about them. Working through the guilty feelings after the loss of your dog will help you heal from the pain.

Guilty Feelings After the Loss of Your Dog

Dealing With Guilt After the Loss of a Dog

The most important thing to remember is that you’re not alone! Read through the comments section below, and you’ll see that whatever part you played in your dog’s death was a tragic accident.

These tips for dealing with guilt after you caused your dog’s death are inspired by a reader who shared his guilty feelings about putting his dog to sleep. At the end of this article, I listed a few books on on coping with pet loss and dealing with guilty feelings about the loss of a dog.

Saying good-bye to your beloved dog is heartbreaking. It’s even worse if you feel guilty about your dog’s death. Your heart and home will never be the same; I am sorry for your loss. Make sure you allow yourself to grieve in healthy ways.

If you need comfort rather than tips on dealing with guilty feelings, read Comforting Prayers for the Loss of a Beloved Dog.

Dealing With Guilt After Your Dog Dies

Some pet owners accidentally kill their dog by leaving or putting them in harm’s way. No matter how your dog died, remember that you didn’t purposely cause your pet’s death. When you’re dealing with guilty feelings because you think your actions led to your dog dying, remember that you would have done things different if you knew the future.



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You did not deliberately harm your dog. It was an accident, and if you could turn back time, you would.

Learn the difference between guilt and shame

A healthy step towards dealing with guilty feelings after your dog dies is to learn the difference between guilt and shame.

Guilt – if you have forgiven yourself – can be a positive feeling. It can actually encourage you to have more empathy for others. Guilt can help you make amends, take corrective action, and improve yourself. But you have to learn self-forgiveness before you can turn guilt around after the loss of a dog.

Self-forgiveness is essential to enjoying your life and relationships because you will always have something you need to forgive yourself for! Whether it’s not protecting your dog, forgetting something important, or accidentally saying something hurtful…we constantly need to forgive ourselves because we are human. We are constantly making mistakes, poor choices, selfish decisions.

And we cause accidents. Sometimes we accidentally hurt the dogs we love so much, and we feel guilty.

How to Deal With Guilt After the Loss of Your Dog

How to Deal With Guilt After the Loss of Your Dog

If you let it, guilt will become an unrelenting source of pain. You might believe that you should feel guilty and condemn yourself not once, but repeatedly. Guilt also may simmer in your unconscious. Either way, this kind of guilt is insidious and self-destructive and can destroy your life.

Shame is how you feel about yourself – it’s hating who you are. Guilt is regretting the decision you made, but accepting that you are human and you made a mistake.

Shame causes you to feel inferior, inadequate, or bad about who you are versus what you did. If you don’t learn how to deal with your guilty feelings and forgive yourself for not protecting your dog, your guilt will turn into shame. Shame is destructive, and has no positive effects.

When you feel guilty, you feel bad about something you did. Guilt can be empowering because it can motivate you to see others with compassion. Guilt – when it’s resolved – can make you a better, wiser, kinder, more loving person. Unresolved guilt and shame will lead to greater self-preoccupation, selfishness, and unhealthy relationships.

18 Ideas for Forgiving Yourself After Your Dog’s Death

In How Do You Forgive Yourself, Darlene Lancer shares 18 steps to forgiving yourself.  I revised and adapted her tips to fit our experience of dealing with guilty feelings after causing a dog’s death:

  1. Take responsibility for your actions. “Okay, I did this. My actions  led to my dog’s death, and I feel like dying because of the guilt, grief, and pain.”
  2. Write a story about what happened to your dog, including how you felt about yourself and others involved before, during, and after the loss of your dog. You can share your experience below, in the comments section. Read through the comments – you will see that you are not alone.
  3. Consider what your needs were at that time, and whether they were being met. If not, why not? This will help you see why you acted the way you did. For example, if you accidentally left your dog in a hot car you will see that you needed to do x, y, and z. That is what motivated you to forget your dog.
  4. What were your motives for the decision you made? What or who was the catalyst for your behavior?
  5. How were your feelings and mistakes handled when you were growing up? Were they forgiven, judged, or punished? Who was hard on you? Were you made to feel ashamed? It’s harder for us to forgive ourselves and deal with guilty feelings after a dog’s death when we haven’t learned forgiveness as children.
  6. Evaluate the standards by which you’re judging yourself. Are you struggling with guilt because of values that you haven’t chosen to adopt? Maybe you’re living by your parents’, your friends’, or your spouse’s values.
  7. How did your actions affect you and others? Whom did you hurt? Include yourself on the list. Acknowledge that you are in more pain than your dog is.
  8. Write your dog a letter.  Here’s something surprising but worth trying: write a letter of apology to your dead dog. Yes, I am serious! Clear 30 minutes in your schedule, sit down in a private spot where you can write and weep, and tell your dog what happened. This will help you process and deal with your guilty feelings about your dog’s death.
  9. Relive the experience, with the benefit of knowing what the future holds. Looking back, what healthier beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and actions would have prevented your dog’s death? It’s possible that you made the decision to put your dog to sleep. It’s also very possible that you would make that same decision today, even though you feel guilty about the loss of a dog.
  10. Have you struggled with perfectionism in the past? Has this improved your overall well-being? Perfection is illusory and a manifestation of underlying shame.
  11. Would you forgive someone else for doing what you did? Is it true that what you did was unforgivable?
  12. How does it benefit you to continue to punish yourself for accidentally causing your dog’s death?
  13. Write yourself an empathic letter of understanding, appreciation, and forgiveness. If you had a forgiving mom, compassionate teacher, or wise counselor, pretend you are her. Write from her perspective. Tell her how your dog died, and ask her to help you deal with guilty feelings surrounding the loss of your dog.
  14. Write a letter from your dog’s perspective. On second thought, this might be too painful. I don’t know. Consider it; if you think it may help you deal with guilty feelings about your dog’s death, then try it.
  15. Everyday, repeat the words of kindness and forgiveness from one of your letters, such as, “I’m innocent,” “I forgive myself,” and “I love myself.” Remember that healthy remorse can lead to humility, compassion, love, and love in your life.
  16. Share honestly with others what you did – but don’t share with those who might judge you. You are welcome to write about what happened to your dog in the comments section below. You will never be judged or shamed here, no matter how your dog died or what you did. Remember that keeping secrets prolongs guilt and shame.

It is entirely possible to forgive yourself and still believe you were at fault, just as you might forgive someone else even though you think the person was in the wrong. Learning how to deal with guilty feelings after the loss of a dog is about acceptance and growth, but not self-condemnation and shame.

How to Cope With Guilt After the Loss of Your Beloved DogYou can regret what you did, and at the same time accept that you made a mistake. You did your best given your circumstances, awareness, maturity, and experience at the time. This is a healthy, humble attitude.

Do you feel like it’s impossible to forgive yourself? It may be helpful to talk to a grief counselor. Consider seeing one who specializes in pet loss or animal therapy.

And, remember the difference between guilt and shame. If you’re suffering from shame, you will be struggling with self-loathing, guilt, and feeling bad about yourself. This can be healed in therapy.

If you aren’t ready to work through your guilty feelings, read Words of Comfort When Your Heart is Broken.

Identify “inappropriate” guilt about the loss of your dog

Not recognizing that your Yorkie, Doberman, or terrier was ill doesn’t mean that you weren’t paying attention or taking good care of him or her! This is imagined guilt. Dogs can’t always communicate their physical health; pet owners can’t see inside their bodies and brains.

Another type of inappropriate guilt is if you’ve accidentally caused your dog’s death by letting him out, keeping him in, or losing track of his whereabouts. If you did not deliberately set out to harm your pet, then you have nothing to feel guilty about. I know this is easier said than done – and it takes effort to forgive yourself.

If you’re dealing with inappropriate guilt because of your dog’s death, remember that sometimes illness or disease overcomes our dogs and other beloved pets…and there’s nothing we can do. This loss of control is a very painful — but real — part of life.

Remember that it’s normal to feel guilty when your dog dies

Whether your guilt is real or imagined, know that it is a normal grief reaction. Even the most “innocent” pet owners feel guilt over a pet’s death. For instance, I now cringe when I recall how angry I was at my beloved cat, Zoey, for scratching the basement door (I didn’t realize the door to her litter box was shut tight, and she couldn’t get in). That was over 12 years ago, and I still feel guilty! Healing after you had to put your dog down often requires forgiving yourself.

dealing with guilt pet lossGoodbye, Friend: Healing Wisdom for Anyone Who Has Ever Lost a Pet by Gary Kowalski s the number one bestselling book on pet loss and grief on Amazon. I love the book because it offers both heartwarming stories and practical guidance on grieving the loss of a pet. It’ll help you deal with guilt when you caused your pet’s death and forgive yourself for whatever role you played.

From the moment your dog entered your life, you knew the day would arrive that you would have to say farewell. Still, few of us are emotionally prepared to deal with guilt and grief after the loss of a dog. 

In Goodbye, Friend, Gary Kowalski takes you on a journey of healing, offering warmth and sound advice on how to cope with the death of your dog. Filled with heartwarming stories and practical guidance on such matters as taking care of yourself while mourning, creating rituals to honor your dog’s memory, and talking to children about death, Goodbye, Friend is a beautiful and comforting book for anyone grieving the loss of a dog.

Identify “appropriate” guilt about your dog’s death

Real guilt may spring from your feelings that you neglected your dog annual vaccinations, daily food intake, exercise habits, and “quality time” with you. If you’re struggling with real guilt, remember that you had reasons for doing what you did. The stress of money, work, kids, marriage, and daily life may have taken precedence over how you treated your beloved dog. Maybe you didn’t make the best choices.

Healing after the loss of a dog involves accepting that you wish you would’ve done things differently — and talking this through with your family, friends, or loved ones.

Remember what you did right — because you did a lot right

Your dog loved you unconditionally, beyond all reason – so you must have done something right. How did you love and take care of your dog? Balance your real guilt with the real ways you loved your dog. You took good care of your dog in so many ways for so many years. Acknowledge the love you shared, not just the end that came too soon.

Do you feel like you caused your dog’s death? I encourage you to share your experience in the comments section below. Talking and writing about it is healthier than ignoring it, and can help you process your grief. I can’t offer advice on what to do about accidentally causing your dog’s death, but it may help you to share what happened. Sometimes writing brings clarity and insight.

Forgive yourself after the loss of your dog

You may find How to Forgive Yourself for Not Protecting Your Dog helpful, especially if you feel like you’ll never experience the peace of self-forgiveness.

May you forgive yourself after your dog’s death. Know that your dog has forgiven you, and your dog knows it was an accident! You would never have hurt your dog if you knew what was going to happen. Your dog is free and happy now, and resting in peace. May God give you peace, heal your soul, and help you open your heart to love another dog.

“If there is a heaven, it’s certain our animals are to be there,” says Pam Brown. “Their lives become so interwoven with our own, it would take more than an archangel to detangle them.”

Help Dealing With Your Dog’s Death

Farewell, Friend: A Gentle Guide to Saying Goodbye to Your DogIn Farewell, Friend: A Gentle Guide to Saying Goodbye to Your Dog, I share a variety of different and healing ways to cope with pet loss. Grief is painful when faced in big chunks; my tips are designed to be “bite-sized”, which means you won’t have to sit and read through a huge amount of difficult information about healing after a pet dies.

To write this ebook – which you can have immediate access to – I interviewed veterinarians, grief counselors, and pet experts for the best ways to survive the death of a beloved dog, and I included stories from real pet owners who coped with guilt and grief in sometimes surprising ways.

How to Cope With Guilt After Your Cat or Dog DiesIn Going Home: Finding Peace When Pets Die, Jon Katz addresses the difficult but necessary topic of saying goodbye to a beloved pet. Accidentally causing your dog’s death or pain is an extremely difficult experience, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Jon draws on personal experiences, stories from fellow pet owners, and philosophical reflections to help pet owners grieve the loss of their dogs. He gently asks readers to consider if they gave their dogs good lives and if they used their best judgment in the end. In dealing with these issues, you will deal with guilt about your dog’s death, and let go of the pain.

I welcome your thoughts on dealing with guilty feelings after the loss of a dog. I can’t offer advice our counselling, but you may find it helpful to share your experience. Writing is one of the best ways to process grief and guilt after your dog dies, and can help you resolve your feelings.

Dealing with guilt after the loss of a dog isn’t just about grieving; it’s about cherishing the best parts of your life with your dog. If you feel like you’ll never be happy again, read How to Recover From Loss and Survive Grief.

And, read through the comments below. You’ll see that you’re not alone. No matter what caused a dog’s death, we always feel guilty after. We always feel like we could have and should have done more. But we need to accept our loss, and let our dogs to rest in peace.

xo



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546 thoughts on “How to Deal With Guilty Feelings After Your Dog’s Death

  • Wei

    My six year old doberman was put to sleep over a month ago. He had liver issues and the vet recommended me to put him to sleep but I was selfish and asked for one more week with him at home and wished that he would miraculously get better. On the 4th day into the week, he started having trouble eating so I could not give him his medication. I was devastated. I left for work that morning thinking about my dog and while in the office, I made the choice that I would bring him to the vet and have him put to sleep. I left the office in the morning and went home to pick him up. Even though he was all bones at this point with a protruding stomach due to water buildup, he still wagged his tail and slowly made his way to the car. He was probably expecting a trip to the park and was excited since I haven’t taken him outside because he was sick. I cried while I was at the vet hospital the whole time. My heart was broken when the vet tech injected him with sedatives and i saw him slowly unable to stand and eventually laid down on the floor sedated. I know he probably did not feel any pain but I was crying uncontrollably at this point. When the final injection was done, I had lost it. His heart stopped and I was there just crying over his body. My parents are Asians and they do not understand why I would cry over an animal. It’s been over a month and I still cannot bear to watch any dog videos or see any pictures of dogs. I have his final paw prints and I cannot look at them without crying. I am crying as I am typing this. The guilt and grief I feel are so bad that I developed physical symptoms of nausea and dizziness a week after his passing.

    I hope one day I can get over this. I love the memories and my boy but sometimes I wonder if all of it is worth it in the end.

    • Fred

      Wei I’m sorry for your loss, my pet’s name was Chompers, my kids gave her that name when I got her as a pup. She was with us for approximately 15 years a mixed chihuahua / pug the cutest lil thing. Well yesterday my wife and i left to a family gathering, so I left her in our backyard and she somehow crawled under a shed I thought I secured well enough to prevent her from leaving. My wife and I returned late in the evening and we couldn’t locate her we searched all through our neighborhood with no success. This morning I woke up with plans of placing her pic around the neighborhood and planned on going to the animal shelter. I began early in the morning searching for her once again as my wife was having a hard time with her disappearance. As I drove approximately 1 mile I saw a small dog that had been hit by a vehicle dog appeared dead from my distance, not fully aware it was my pet I kept praying that it want the closer I got. When I was finally there it was obvious that it was indeed my pet, immediately all sorts of emotions went through me , anger at my pet for escaping anger at myself for not securing that area better so she couldn’t get out, pain and hurt for how badly injured she was left there, sorrow, sadness for the thought of how she died and was left alone on the street wondering if she was still alive and how scared and lonely she may have felt. I returned home to retrieve a shovel and a bag as I could not just leave her there, I returned her home dug a hole in my yard and buried her in one of her favorite spots, she loved sitting on top of our couch and looking outside the window, now I even feel guilty for that because I had my wife train her not sit their any longer. I’m trying my best to cope with the pain and guilt I feel, my youngest is 24 my oldest is 30, they no longer live with us as they have chosen their own path in life, however we are a very close family and they would still visit with our pet. I dont know how to look at them in their face without feeling that I have left everyone down most importantly our family pet that by no fault of her own she was tragically killed. I’m crying as I write this, I have never felt this kind of guilt I hope one day I can forgive myself and come to some form of understanding that I never meant for that small life to end in such a horrific death, I cant get the image out of my head, and it is breaking my heart thinking about her. Good luck to you Wei and God bless your pet. I thank everyone for having thos forum

      • Shane

        Fred, I am so sorry about the tragedy your family has suffered. I lost my dog a week ago tomorrow. I took him on a run in the heat of the day on one of the hottest days. He died in front of me either of heat stroke or heart attack I am assuming. I am grieving the same as you with horrible guilt and loss. I will pray for you when I pray for mu boy like I do several times a day.

  • Shane

    Yesterday I killed my dog. I was busy all morning so I decided to go for a 3 mile run in the heat of the day. I have 3 dogs but only take two because they are healthy. The two dogs just love to run, When I put my clothes and shoes on they go crazy because they want to come along. I knew it was hot but figured it was only 3 miles and they are use to that fairly easy. We started with a walk then ran the 3 miles. I could tell he was tired, we all were. He would lay and rest for a second then get back up. We actually finished our run and was on our way back home walking on the lead. I let him rest then he would get back up and come along. But one time he got up and he was very wobbly on his feet. I immediately picked him up to carry him the rest of the way home. But then he went limp in my arms. I know had heat stroke and it is all my fault. It all happened so fast. One minute he was looking at me panting, the next he dies. I shouldn’t have taken him, seen the signs of distress or been a better protector. I ran home with him in my arms to cool him off and hopefully recover. He was dying in front of me. I did CPR for 15-20 minutes but he was dead and I cant take it back. I’m so ridden with guilt and feel so ashamed that this happened. I failed my little boy and all he wanted to do was please me and keep up. It just happened yesterday and right now I feel like I will never be able to forgive myself for failing my dog that I loved so so much. He was my friend and family.

    • Keith Randall

      I really do feel your pain. My dog died a little over a month ago. He was hit by a car in front of our home. He was going to say hello to a couple of boys across the street. In the blink of an eye your life changes. I knew the danger of leaving him off a leash but convinced myself nothing would ever happen.It is so true. All they want to do is please their owner. The hurt will be very raw for a little while but it does get better. I do think about my boy every day. It is a painful lesson to learn but you must move on . Grieve how you see fit and for however long it takes. I cried for days; but it should get better. I caused my boy to lose his life. I just try to live the 2 other dogs that I have. It’s all you can do. Do something in memory of your boy. We put together a big flower pot and decorated the outside and called it Nash’s Garden. It keeps my boy in my thoughts. It is so hard but you will get through it.

      • Shane

        Thank you for the kind loving words Keith. They really help. I’m very sorry for your loss as well. We just love them so much and to think how preventable it was is heartbreaking. I know though that hindsight is 20/20. Thank you for the reply. It meant a lot.

    • Glen

      Two days ago my dog of 14 years got killed, he was run over by a visitor to the farm yard. I was away working in a field 30 mins away. When I got the call from my father that he was run over I asked if he was still alive, and he was. I raced home as fast as I could but didn’t make it in time. My mother says he was looking around then laying his head down, then looking around again ect for about 25 mins. I know he was looking for me and I wasn’t there for him. I buried him yesterday, but I don’t feel any better. Im going to say the same sentence as your last sentence. I feel like I will never be able to forgive myself for failing my dog that I loved so much.

      • Shane

        Glen, I am so sorry for your loss. I now we are grieving at the same time because it is so fresh. I have been really trying to think of all the good things we provided for our boy. All the good times and memories and love. Sometimes I feel better but then i know I will never get those ever again. I hope we can both grieve and heal. I hope we can do this in a healthy way. You are really in my thoughts and prayers Glen. It is a horrible thing to go through my friend. Please feel free to talk to me anytime. I find comfort in your words. I don’t feel so alone.

  • helen galland

    thank you She Blossoms, i looked and looked online for people who might understand the emotional pain i am going through and here are dozens of people who are feeling just the same as me at the same time.My baby was a pet sheep, Amber, the most intelligent loving animal ive ever come across. She only had a short life with me (she was 3) and i lost her to (i believe) inhalation pneumonia exactly a week ago. and i think that is what wrangles me so much- i had planned our future lives- we would grow old together, she would help me through the loss of the older animals, but instead she went first to go and i wasnt ready. There is no good time to die, and i know we all go but i think one of the things i am having to come to terms with is the future is not what i had envisioned- it will now be one without her in it, and that torments me. The first few days after her death i blamed everyone, including myself- for not seeing she was ill soon enough, for not being able to cure her, for doing something to cause the illness- then the vet- for refusing to visit (i live on a remote island and told them i had savings to pay for them to come but they were short staffed and had other “horse emergencies” occupying their time), for not sending out the right mediciations, for not curing her; my friends- for making me look after their animals while they were away when i should have been spending that time with my own animal (their animals are all still alive but my girl is dead!)-, for work – for making me cook for a dinner party when i should have been home with her, even the garage- who has had my car for 3 months forcing me to cycle everywhere in gale force winds- to and from my friends, to work, to the plane to get the meds the vet sent over- all time consuming, time wasted and not on my beloved pet. I think this anger stems from the “i wish i had spent more time with her” feeling. It seems to happen to us all- we all get a busy period in our life- we say to our pet “just give me this week baby and i’ll spend all day with you at the weekend” only for some terrible accident mean they dont make it to the weekend and we are wracked with guilt of the “if only”. A week has passed, the absolute crippling pain is dissipating, i dont burst into tears every few minutes when something reminds me she is not here, but i still visit that place other readers will be going to many many times- i call it “ShudaWudaCuda Land”. No matter how many times we try to rewrite history we can never change the outcome. I am told n time i will come to accept this and stop beating myself up in SAWACA Land. At the moment that place feels like the only remaining connection i have to her- to keep replaying the last week of her life over and over again. At first i did think i shouldnt be alive anymore, i should follow my pet as some kind of compensation. It seems that is a normal emotion too, and will become less over time. I never want to use my animals as learning experiences but one thing losing Amber has done is made me realise that antibiotics are not the be all and end all- i will always use anti inflammatories whenever i use an antibiotic in future- and it would never have ocured to me to do so before- vets send out bottles of antibiotic (for general problems) but never send out anti inflammatories to be used at owners discretion- yet they seem to be vital for a better chance of recovery. Sorry my darling Amber, i hope i gave you a better life than you would have had if id left you starving on that land 3 years ago, i hope you discovered the joy of being stroked, the taste of biscuits and the freedom to be you. I love you.

  • Shelley

    It has been almost a week since I had to make the heartbreaking, most difficult decision of my life to euthanize my 5 month old beautiful, loving, amazing little boy, Pumba. i can’t take the guilt and remorse. I had the chance to save him and I missed it. He was neutered on Sunday and then very active on Monday. I tried to keep him quiet but with two sisters, also 5 months, it was somewhat difficult. Tuesday he was quiet and I thought it was because he overdid it on Monday. I made him an appointment on Wednesday but he seemed to be better in the morning. Why did I cancel it? If I would have taken him in, I’m sure I would still have him. I did take him to my vet on Thursday morning and they said he was a very sick boy. Gave him a shot to stop the vomiting and an antibiotic. He said to watch him but to take him to the hospital if he vomited again. We came home and he did drink some. I fell asleep in the evening and felt his head on my shoulder in bed and immediately got up and took him the Vet hospital. His temp was 104, his intestines were all swollen, he was lethargic and soon to have blood diarrhea. His white blood cell count continued to go down over the next 24 hours, his glucose dropped to 32 (shouldn’t be under 60). He was on constant pain meds through an IV. They offered options (blood transfusion, feeding tubes, transfer to a specialist) and as much as I wanted to scream YES DO IT, I couldn’t do it to him. I think when he came to bed and laid on my shoulder, he was asking for my help. I will never forget the last trusting look he gave me. I held him and told him how sorry I was, that I loved him. I was screaming for him to come back, to let me go back to Wednesday when I am sure if I had acted that day, he would still be here. I love him to the moon and back. I have over 500 videos and pictures of him and his siblings. I helped their mom deliver the litter here in my house. I love you so much Pumba. I miss you so much. I want to hold you again, kiss you, play with you! I would give anything to have you back here with me.

  • Faye

    My heart just breaks for your family and especially for your wife. She will need support to get to the other side, but it is possible to get there and somehow accept the awful tragedy. I have been there and after 3 years I still carry the sadness of causing the disappearance of my cat. The raw feeling has healed and I did eventually learn to forgive myself. I hope your wife is able to find a way to be kind and forgiving to herself just as she would be to another person who made a tragic error. My thoughts go out to her.

  • Susan

    I lost my two Pomeranians yesterday and am overwhelmed with the guilt. They were two sisters I rescued from a puppy mill 13 years ago. Their health had deteriorated and I knew we were close to end of life with them both. I let them outside with my Chihuaha in the afternoon because they all liked to be outside. I started cleaning the garage and forgot they were out there. There is lots of shade back there, but I forgot. When I remembered a few hours later I let them in. The Chihuahua came running in but not the Poms. I went looking for them and found they had each died under a tree. I never thought being outside would have been too much for them and can’t believe I forgot them out there. They didn’t have long to live and I’m glad they were able to go together in their own backyard, but I feel horrible. I’m so sorry my sweet Emma and Eli.

    • Shelley

      Oh susan. You story broke my heart. I left my chihuahua out and she was old and I went out and I found her dead when I came home yesterday. I have so much guilt and pain and I am sorry you have experienced this too

  • Susan

    I am devastated. Today it was hot, but I have lots of shade in my backyard. I had let my two Pomeranians and Chihuaha mix out to play in the back yard while I was cleaning out the garage. The Pomeranians are 13 and in horrible health but I didn’t think it would be a problem. I got busy and forgot about them. When i remembered I went to let them in and my Chihuahua came running in, but not the Pomeranians. I looked and they had both died under a tree. I know it was my fault for leaving them out. I can’t believe I forgot. It is Texas so it was hot. I will never forgive myself for forgetting.

  • Diem

    Today, I lost my baby girl. She was the first fur baby that was my very own. My husband and I loved and spoiled her as we don’t have children of our own yet. She turned 5 months on Friday. She loved our backyard, but we had to keep her on a yard leash as it’d stormed days ago and some of the posts in our fence bared openings. We were waiting for our landlord to fix it. I always check on her and lately, she’d been getting tangled up on an old tree stump and an old jungle gym (my cousin in law is a roommate and has a son). I moved the post to her yard leash because I didn’t want her to get wrapped up and choke.

    Today, my worst fears came true. I went outside to bring her in to eat and cool off. I saw her laying by the bushes and it looked as though she was asleep. I called out to her, she didn’t move. I begged for her to wake up. She wouldn’t. I cried for my husband to come help. He did chest compressions on her for 30mins and she wouldn’t wake up. I begged for her not to leave me. I told her I was sorry, but please don’t leave me. DH did all he could do, but there was no bringing her back.

    I feel immense guilt and shame. My heart is completely broken. I just want her back.

  • ross

    My wife, 2 year old daughter, and i lost our sweet baby boy Sunday, Fathers Day. It was the most horrific accident. I had been across the street with my father and brother visiting. I came home to get an allergy pill from my truck. Windows were up and it was hot so i took the pill box out and walked to the fridge in my garage. Took and Drink then walked back to the truck, shut the door and got on my four wheeler to head back to my dads house. I didn’t know Jack (My Boxer) was outside lounging around. While i was getting a drink he must have jumped in the truck and i didn’t even know it. It was 90 degrees that day. My wife and daughter were taking a nap. They had no idea i even stopped at home. I had planned on coming back after a little bit to get them up and go swimming in our pool. My poor sweet boy Jack, he was five years old, was cooked to death in the front seat of my truck in the driveway and i didn’t even know it. My wife and i are so devastated.its so hard not to feel like it was my fault. i loved him so much. there is nothing i wouldn’t do to get him back. this feeling of pain and guilt is so overwhelming. We loved our dog so much. He loved us and loved his sister so much its just unbelievable how something so stupid as to not even notice he was in there when i shut the door. i never even looked in the truck, i thought he was inside. its killing me. so sorry to anyone who has lost a pet and/or been involved in their pets death. he was our best friend. i say that with all honesty he meant everything to us. please rest easy Jack. Dad, Mom and Vivian Love you so much

    • Nick

      Im so sorry to hear that a similar situation happened yesterday. My wife son and i ran to the store to get floaters for our pool and we took the dogs with us. When we pulled in the driveway and parked I swear everyone jumped out. The neighbor’s were doing fireworks and i thought shadow… our 13 year old baby girl got scared and went to the basement like she always does. We played in the pool for a couple hours. That was too long we killed our best friend. Im heartbroken and full of regret

    • Beth Waldridge

      I am crying as I read both of your posts. Our 8yr old dog coach jumped in my car when my son opened the door to get something. He didn’t realize Coach jumped in the car. I found him dead two hours later. I thought Coach went with my son. We are all so devastated. I can’t hardly contain my grief. I miss him so much and then the guilt and the image of him laying in my car is terrible. I just don’t know how to cope 🙁

  • Brian

    Hi everyone. Two days ago, my 7-month-old baby bulldog died due to poisoning. his name was Nemo, and he was Nina’s life partner, another Bulldog of the same age with whom they shared their lives since they were newborns. I acquired both together and I took care of them, I saw them grow up and I gave them all my possible love. I had never in my life felt a relationship of love and care with someone like I felt with Nina and Nemo. Last Sunday, I gave them access to my backyard (like every day) to play and have fun. at 7pm I saw that they had black ink in the claws and mouth. I did not think it was a bad thing, because they were usually stained with dirt, ink, dust, etc. I forbade them access for that day and later I went out to see a friend. I served them some water at 2am and I saw that they were very calm and drinking lots of water. I did not notice anything out of the ordinary. Nemo looked like he was perfectly fine !! That same morning I served them their croquettes, I went to their room and I opened the door for them to go out to breakfast, but something very unexpected happened … Nina left but Nemo did not! I waited 6 seconds for it to come out and in that moment I knew that some terrible thing had happened. I entered the room and observed the worst image of my life: Nemo lying motionless on the floor, without breathing and with blood near his mouth. apparently since yesterday he consumed a poison that my gardener was using in the backyard, which I had no idea he was using it and he never warned me. I resent him, I resent myself. I miss my baby, and even though I was not with him for years, I took care of him day after day as if he were my son. He extremely cute, with a unique personality full of joy that did not deserve any of this, he was just a baby! the worst of all is that he has left behind his life partner and me with a broken heart. I miss him a lot and he did not stop thinking that if I could go back in time I would have made things totally different. everything was so sudden and so tragic that I still do not believe that this is how things happened … I cant stop thinking and asking myself what if i have paid extra attention? What if i have restrained the access to the backyard? What if i have wondered more about the ink on their skins? What if..? I feel so guilty and i miss you so much Nemo. Please forgive me. Im sorry. Rest in peace, my baby. I love you.

  • MW

    I put my dog down a couple of weeks ago. She was diagnosed with a tumor about 7 months ago. The vet told us we could diagnose her tumor but it would cost $500+ or we could do surgery which would be about $1500 but there was no point based on her xrays and the fact that she wasn’t eating as much. The eating thing is how we originally diagnosed her. She is a beagle and never shied away from any food. Suddenly she only ate once a day instead of twice. We were told to try to keep her eating, and once she stopped that was it. So we did, switching up her food every few weeks. Worked for almost 8 months. Then she stopped eating. At that point we picked a day to take her in to get her put down.. and that day was horrific. She was so scared. So skinny, and so bloated with tumors, but what I was doing to her that last few minutes of her life was the most scared she had been. She didn’t get it, all she knew was we had taken her to a place that smelled of strange animals, disinfectant, and death. And instead of holding her while she took her last breath, I let her lay on the floor with strangers, because I was too afraid of what would happen. She was dying because I had paid them to kill her, and she was so afraid. This wasn’t an accident. I did it on purpose. I paid for them to kill her and I couldn’t even comfort her.. There is nothing I can say in my defense. Forgiving myself is impossible.

  • Anowa

    I ran over my dog 3 hours ago. She died. I can’t stop crying. She was 11years old. She used to run to the gate whenever anyone got home and walk so close to the car I was always scared my mum or sister would run over her one day. I never in a million years imagined it would be me that killed her. I started driving 10months ago.
    Tonight I got home and the security man was not in. So I got out to open the gate and was surprised to see her there. Especially because since she got older she recently stopped coming to the gate to greet us. So I said hello in that high baby voice I use with her that makes her wag her tail and gave her quick scratch behind the ears. I got in the car and drove extra slow because I noticed she was walking close to the car as usual. When I felt the first bump I actually wondered what it was because I was driving too slow for it to possibly be her. Then I heard a second bump and looked back in the rear view mirror to see her stuck on the ground in so much pain. She couldn’t even get up. Within minutes she was gone. And the fact that I know how painful that must have been killed me. I’m not a vet but I am a doctor and I’m pretty sure I crushed her pelvis. Like humans there are major vessels and nerves in that region and she probably bled internally and painfully. I’m halfway through a bottle of wine. I’m so heart broken. My mum got her for me as a puppy when my dad died 11years ago. I loved her so much. And she loved me. She was trying to get closer to me and I killed her. I have to go to work at the ICU tomorrow morning. And I can’t use this as an excuse to not go because it’s unheard of to be so attached to a pet in my country. Not to mention I would never be taken seriously again as a doctor here. It helps to know I’m not alone from the comments at least. Thank God for autocorrect. It’s taken me twice as long to type this because I’m actually quite tipsy already. Rest In Peace, my love. I’m so sorry. I love you.

    • Mary

      I am so soooo sorry. Please know that this could have happened to me or a lot of other dog lovers. I drive by my friends dog who does the same thing with my car and NEVER would expect this to happen. My neighbors dogs always chase my car and I just drive slowly and she tells me “just drive and they’ll get out of the way.” I know this doesn’t ease the pain of the loss, but I just wanted you to know that it could have easily been me and a couple other dog owners i know in this situation and I LOVE dogs. I lost my dog recently to drowning and am struggling tremendously with guilt, so I’m also familiar with that kind of pain. Take care <3

      • Anowa

        Thank you, Mary. This site has been really helpful for me. It’s gotten easier with time to process and slowly let go of the guilt. I still get sad whenever I look at the spot in the driveway where she died but I try to focus on good the memories of her. I hope everyone here also finds some peace and relief from sharing.

    • SUSAN

      I left my 12 year old dog in the hot car today when I was at work. She hasn’t been coming to work with me for the last few years very often because it’s loud and she’s started disliking it, but my hubby was riding his bike to work so put her in my car. I took the kids to school, was late for a meeting and dashed in leaving the windows up having completely forgotten she was in the back lying down. I came out 2 hours later to get my lunch (which I had also forgotten in the car) and no sign of her…sadly had she sat up or anything I would have seen her. When I came back a couple hours later I found her on my drivers side floor, and I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself. I’ve had her since she was just weeks old and my kids and I are just devastated.

      • Mary

        ‘ omg I am so soooooo sorry. I loved my dog more than anything and looking back, I remember more than one time I thought “omg I could have forgotten he was in the car” because I got distracted or preoccupied. I was fortunate to not have gone through this. My dog did drown in a pool a couple of weeks ago and I’m struggling a great deal lot with it and still trying to get passed the “I should have…”

        Please know there are animal lovers out there who have empathy for you and how this feels.

    • Kim

      Anowa,
      My heart goes out to you. I am approaching the 1 year mark of the day I ran over my 13 year old pup. She was the first Christmas gift I gave my husband when we married. I was a complete mess for the next week and spent a lot of time where we buried her just talking to her. Your pain will ease and will likely pop back up briefly when you don’t expect it then fade again. Find solace in the knowledge that you loved her well while she was alive and that she loved you. Sending hugs and comfort.

  • Mary

    I’m struggling quite a bit with the loss of my 14 yo last week because he drowned in a pool. This is one of the saddest things I have ever experienced, he was the sweetest, most gentle dog I have ever met. I rescued him 7 yrs ago after he had been severely neglected and abused. He warmed up to me very quick, but was incredibly fragile emotionally and very dependent on me, which I was okay with, and babied him like crazy. The day I lost him I knew we didn’t have a lot of time left together and he ate steak and went on a nice hike with me at the park. Later we had a watch party at our house for a basketball game and it was really stressing him out. I had left the game and went up the stairs to do stupid and narcissistic things on Facebook. I could hear him crying because he was stressed about all of the people being over (this was becoming much more frequent for him in older age) and also heard his little paws trying to climb up the stairs and not succeed because he was old and weak. I thought “I better get off of Facebook because this is narcissistic and not ignore the the poor guy.” Part of me was also starting to get a little overwhelmed with how stressed he was getting over things. Someone else started petting him and comforting him, so I thought “ok, he’s preoccupied, I can do this for a few more minutes.” I didn’t hear him again and got sucked into the stupid things I was doing and forgot about him for some time.

    People had left a little later and I started looking for him and didn’t see him in the rooms. I didn’t see him in the fenced in back yard and my heart dropped. I KNEW. I ran over to exactly where he was at the bottom of the pool. I feel so incredibly awful knowing I ignored him in distress and it feels impossible to get over or accept that I made that choice earlier in the night with this intuitive feeling that I shouldn’t have been doing it. He only fell into the pool once years ago and avoided it ever since, but I had this nagging thought that he shouldn’t end up back there alone, yet he was too often. I didn’t realize someone let him out that last night and was usually pretty good about checking on him if I didn’t hear him bark to come in, but I didn’t know or notice he wasn’t in. Out of everything I did for him, it feels like I blew it all by letting him suffer and die terrified and alone.

    • Elie

      Mary I am so sorry for your loss. I’m dealing with a very similar situation. My 14yo yorkie drowned in the pool 4 weeks ago and the pain is unreal. If you scroll down, there is an article posted by Laurie dated June 3rd. Read and reread. Take care.

      • Mary

        Thank you. I am still struggling. I thought it was getting better and then I had a flashback to that night and remembered I had heard a big “plunk” noise in the pool and never connected the dots because I was preoccupied with something really stupid. Now I can barely sleep in my room where I heard it and wake up with anxiety first thing in the morning. Ive lost several pets in this life and handle it well, but this is something totally different. I hope you are doing better.

        • Diane

          I am so sorry for your loss. The brain can play crazy mind games on us. As you’re searching for an answer, your brain creates an answer for you. I know this from experience after watching my dog get crushed by a speeding pickup (my story is down below). I would get better and then suddenly take 3 steps back because I realized some other sign I should have noticed or some other command I should have tried to make her come back quicker. I couldn’t sleep in my bed, it still had her imprint. I would wake up screaming in my guest bed because I’d see a bunched up blanket and think it was her dead body. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her lifeless eyes staring back it me. It was horrible. I too have had pets die before and been fine, but Zoe was just different. Then one day I was half awake and as normal the flashbacks all started, but they were a little different. Each could of/should of scenario that I had been beating myself up about played back in my head, but this time the final result was worse than what had actually happened. That’s when I realized that we just do the best we can with the knowledge available at the time. We have no idea if what we thought we heard or saw or did differently would have made a difference. It was a perfect storm of events that caused our dog’s death, not one single act we did alone. We do what we can with the knowledge we have and we leave the rest to God (or the universe depending on your beliefs.)

          I think it’s important to fully go through the grieving process to allow yourself to heal. It takes a different amount of time for each person, I think it was about 2 months before I came to terms and allowed myself to begin forgiving myself, but weeks after that to stop crying randomly. To get there, I kept a journal and wrote every disjointed thought, and created a picture collage and a memory box with her favorite stuff on my dresser. Now a year later there are still moments that take my breath away and make my eyes well up, but as a whole I’m pretty adjusted. Zoe is my angel dog in heaven and she taught me so much about living life to the fullest that I will be forever grateful.

  • RJ

    I lost my sweet golden retriever princess of 13 years on Saturday and I feel like there’s things I could have done to prevent it, I keep getting stuck on the what ifs. When she was quite young she occasionally got muscle spasms and became slightly paralyzed before being able to walk. I think it happened a total of 4 or 5 times in her middle years, we took her to the vet but bc it was infrequent and didn’t exactly appear to be seizures, nothing came out of it (I wish we had pushed for x rays then). She had a fatty growth on her neck appear when she was 10 that the vet said was harmless and there was no point in removing it since it didn’t obstruct her breathing, so when she was 12 and a mammary tumor appeared we paid it no mind. It grew and bothered her but we kept pushing off the vet bc we never really were consistent with the vet due to money reasons (we aren’t in the best health either and would push of the dr for ourselves so it was even harder for the dogs). And then one month before she passed we took her to the vet bc she was a little incontinent and to finally check up on her. I was already fearing the worst since then. But when they checked her she was great outwardly, always a dog that lit up a room. She was a sassy yet elegant girl. So we got an estimate for her surgery, and we tried saving up the money but work got complicated and we couldn’t do it the next paycheck as planned. Since then she also started declining steadily, being able to walk less and less. I cared for her 24/7 in the end, hand feeding, helping her walk to pee, petting her, cleaning up her accidents. When we took her to the vet 6/9/18, we ran some blood work and x rays. We took her on her bed and her favorite toy, and her dog sister said goodbye in the car bc “just in case”. She had some spinal degeneration explaining her mobility issues, and her kidneys were much smaller than they were supposed to be. The vet was talking about what we could do (surgeries, she was still potentially a candidate for it, wheelchairs, etc) when she suddenly stopped breathing. Before that she had become fecal incontinent for the 1st and last time, and her breathing brew labored rapidly (she began dying and we hadn’t even noticed). The vet looked at her gums and went “Why are you so pale?” right before she stopped breathing and then asked me if I wanted her to commence CPR and I said no. She had stopped breathing but her heart kept beating so I agreed to the euthanasia. I just thought about how her last month had deteriorated and her quality of life had gone down. And I thought that she had chosen to pass then bc she knew we were willing to fight for her even though we weren’t financially ready and she was in a lot of pain from what was most likely lymphoma, and she saw we weren’t going to let her go so she chose to go. And now that she’s gone I’m just wishing we had taken to her to the vet as soon as I saw that godforsaken mammary tumor. Or that I had spayed her. Or if I had said yes to CPR and gone in to even more debt. But would have that changed anything? Would that have just prolonged her suffering at that point? Would that have only given us another 24 hours? 24 minutes? I guess I’ll never really know. All in all she had a really really good life, and if a dog could choose a way to die, in her owners arms being peppered with kisses surrounded by family is a good way to go. I just miss her so so much. I grew up with her and her absence is deafening. She was a one of a kind dog, I just wish I had been more preventative with her vet care regardless of the cost. Rest easy sweet angel, I’ll see you again.

  • Day

    This morning when I want off to office. I saw Lila is not under my car, so that I went in my car and reversed. At that moment, I’m shocked because I feels like I hit something, just like I over reversed my car and hit a road curb. I am hoping it’s not Lila and it is the plate or whatever under my car as long as it’s not Lila but unfortunately it’s really is Lila accidentally I hit. I feel so guilty because me and my cousin just pet her 1 week ago. We adopt, we don’t shop. I feel so guilty because I hit my cousin’s dog. Yes it’s not my dog, it’s was my cousin’s dog. I stay with my relatives since I have no house in a city.

    I had apologies to my cousin, tell her that I’m really sorry but my cousin didn’t answer me, it’s make me even feel more guilty. She just said, it’s already happened what to do? I am very sad. All the way I drove to office, I cried! I cried very hard. Why Lila? Why? I didn’t expect Lila was so fast go back under my car. It’s not even 5 second I saw her before I went in my car and I already hit something that so preciously. I really don’t know what to do now. I’m blank. I don’t know how to face my cousin, my aunt & uncle. I’m so shame of myself! If I could turn back the time, for sure I will double check her again to make sure she’s not under my car.

    Lila! I’m really really sorry! We’re not communicate even 2 weeks but you already gone because of my careless. Lila, I’m really sorry. I hope you can forgive me, Lila. If I could turn back the time, I will really check you again and again just to make sure you’re safe. :'(

  • Priscilla

    We just rescued Mimi a couple weeks ago and I had already grown incredibly attached to her. She was so young that I had to bottlefeed her and had just advanced to being able to eat by herself. She was the sweetest puppy ever.
    We lost her this morning. I am so heartbroken and feel like it is entirely my fault.
    She was more active at night so I was the one who tried to stay up with her. Last night she was in her house but she started to cry so I knew she had to go potty – I let her out and she went straight to her pad. Mimi didn’t like to be put back into her house until after she fell asleep so I let stay on the couch with me. As we were both dozing off she curled up fell off the couch which is no more than a foot off the ground. She went into shock and I believe she began to have a seizure. I freaked out and woke up my parents to help me. We drove to the emergency vet as I tried to give her cpr. I was able to feel her body slowly go limp in my arms. The vet took her right away and gave her oxygen and made sure she was warm. The vet said she was reacting to the treatment and had a plan to try make her have a full recovery. As she stepped out the second time to give us an update the nurse came out to get the vet. The dr came back out and gave us the bad news.
    I can’t stop thinking that it’s my fault. That if I wouldn’t have been dozing off then none of this would’ve happened. I’m so heartbroken my body feels weak.
    My family says it’s not my fault but I can’t seem to believe that. I feel I’m the cause of her short life.

  • Violet

    My cat has died from cancer and it is entirely my fault. Last year I found a lump on her side and I told myself it was just a harmless cyst like a previous cat had had. I kept ignoring it, living in denial, thinking I’ll take her to the vet “one of these days” and have it removed. When I finally took her to the vet, it turned out to be cancer. And I was still in denial about the extent of it. When I picked her up after surgery, the vet gave me a hard look and said, “this was major surgery – we had to open her up stem to stern.” I felt like he had utter contempt for me for letting it get that bad – which of course I deserved.

    Being in denial about things is something I’ve always done… I just don’t look, I let things go until they reach a crisis point… my relationships, my health, home repairs, not attending to finances until I’m almost evicted for rent nonpayment and so forth. A lot of that over the years has been due to being an alcoholic, but I stopped drinking three years ago. But I still don’t know how to live like a responsible adult, and I’m 60 years old. (Someone told me once when I was getting sober that whenever you start having a drinking problem, that’s when you stop growing emotionally… I started my drinking career at 17. Also, growing up, I was not cared for well, and no one in the family actually talked about things… the more serious something was, the more silence there was around it.)

    Not taking care of myself I can deal with, though. In this case I caused the suffering and death of a little innocent soul who trusted me to take care of her.

    After her surgery last September I invested in a lot of herbal potions thinking I was going to keep her well that way. And after the cancer came back I kept up with that as well as doing “energy healings” with her – which she responded to emotionally if nothing else, and we had very close times together. But I see now how very delusional I was and how much my ego had to do with it – I actually had this fantasy of the vet being amazed that the cancer had gone into remission.

    In her last couple days she went downhill quickly and could hardly eat. I felt terrible too that her last experience had to be going to the vet which she was absolutely terrified of. And I hadn’t planned for the euthanasia well enough in advance and felt that it was all rushed at the end. Seeing her terrified on the vet table, and then her unseeing eyes and lifeless body.

    Ironically a couple of years ago I got into a fight with someone in which I berated them for causing their pet’s death out of neglect… and then I went on to do something even worse, because I knew something was wrong but chose to convince myself that it was minor. My cat would even come over to me and look up at me as if telling me that there was something I had to look at. I felt like I couldn’t handle dealing with whatever was going on, but it was her tiny life to bear it.

    We did have 16 pretty good years together. But we should have had more.

    I feel like I can’t live with myself, can’t handle the grief and guilt and shame, and just want to die. People give me condolences about the loss of my pet but they have no idea what my terrible secret is.

  • Jasmin

    It´s been 2 weeks now, that I lost my sweet little baby cat Franz. I still can´t believe that it happened, I miss him so much, it feels like my heart is constantly bleeding. And the worst thing of all, is that it is my fault, that my little baby isn’t here anymore! Our last cat already got hit by a car, that was already horrible, I gave him his name ( Mozart) when I was six years old and he was my wonderful companion for 9 years until I found him dead on the street on my way to school. That was already horrible, but after a while we settled with the fact, that this is the risk if you let your cat go outside alone and at least he had an adventourous life. It took us over a year and a half to say yes to a new fur baby. I loved him immediately. At the place where we got him, he just fell asleep in my arms right away and I knew, he belonged to me. He really was such a beautiful little guy, with honey colored smooth fur and bernsteincolored eyes.We decided to keep him inside as long as we live at such a busy street on the one side of the house, because we didn’t want to happen such thing again. Oh I loved him so much, I cuddled him as often as I could, took thousands of fotos, constantly gave him treats and always looked if he had enough to eat and drink. He was so sweet, so small and always was with someone of the family, he never wanted to be alone. He really meowed in a way, as if he wanted to talk to us. I really wanted to protect him at all costs, and let him live up to 20 years. I was always very paranoid if a door or window was open, and panicked when I realized someone of the family hat left a one open. I always rushed through the house to see if everything was closed, constantly checked if he was still there. I always aim goodbye to him before I left the house or at least if I was in a hurry. texted my mum if she knew where he was. I really was so scared that something could happen to my little baby. But we started to realize, that he was bored inside, so we started with putting a net around the balcony, so he could go there. But still seeming bored, we started to go in the garden with him with a leash. It worked well and he liked it, even though he never wanted to go back inside. The Irony is that next month, we are moving in a house where he could have gone outside alone, because there are almost no cars driving around( sorry for my English) and we always said to him the recent weeks, that he soon will be able to go outside alone.
    And on the 21st of may, I once again went with him into the garden with a leash. He was pulling to the other side of the garden. At this side is a very small street, where almost no cars drive, because the street is cornered by gardens. It was also a holiday ( in Germany) where there are even less cars driving around. And even if a car drives there it is only allowed to drive very slow, so you can stop for the children playing there. So on the other side of the street is also some kind of garden, but with no one there at the moment, so since he was pulling to that side so curiously, I thought I could show him a little more of the world and crossed the street with him and went to this garden like area. I thought he was safe there, because we weren’t on the street, just in another garden, where nothing could happen. I looked at him all the time, and there was no car in sight, so I started making a voice mail on my phone, but looked at him and the street all the time. And then it happened so fast, a car came and drove way to fast for this street, and even though he saw me and my cat, he dint even slow down, neither stop ( I talked to him later, he told me he saw us). And my sweet little cat panicked and ran across the street before I could grab him or anything and somehow the leash ripped and my sweet little baby got hit by the car. I screamed and ran after him, he was in such a fear, running towards his home. I somehow watched him, but he was in such a pain, he was moving himself in such pain, it was so horrible. I ran to my family and we immediately drove to the vet, but before the vet was even there, my sweet little baby already did his last heavy breaths in pain and fear. I never felt such horror, he was only one and a half and so incredibly sweet. I raised him from 8 weeks old and always wanted to protect him and then I let him down, because I was so foolish and inattentive. I don’t know how to forgive myself, for causing my baby death. I and my whole family miss him so much, I always think he might pop up around the corner again. I also feel so sorry for my mum, she is alone and Franz always slept in her bed at night or cuddled up on her desk while she was working.
    I would do anything to go back in time and change my actions. I now know that cats always run towards their home when they are scared and not just away from the danger, I put my sweet little baby in such a dangerous situation.
    My sweet little honey, I am forever sorry, I miss you so endlessly, please forgive me, I love you so much!!!

  • Laurie Post author

    I am so sorry for your loss. Saying goodbye to a dog is one of the hardest things we’ll ever do, because our dogs loved and trusted us unconditionally! Their loyalty and affection is the greatest gift they give us…and it’s also one of the most painful parts of losing them. With great love and great loyalty comes such great pain.

    If only our dogs could talk to us, tell us where it hurts and when they’re ready to leave us. There is a time that our dogs have to die, to rest in peace, to be free from the constraints of disease and pain. Sometimes, the sweet sleep of death is better than the struggle to keep moving through pain and sickness.

    It was time for your dog to go. It may not have been the death of your choice – and you weren’t ready to say goodbye to your dog – but it was time to go. Take a deep breath, and allow your dog’s spirt and soul to rest in peace. Say goodbye with love, and give yourself time to grieve.

    Saying goodbye after your dog’s death is hard. Let yourself cry and grieve for as long as you need. Let the emotions go through your body, for they are healing and cleansing you. You’ll never get over your dog’s death, but in time you will heal. You will remember your dog with joy and love, light and peace…and you will know that your spirits and souls are forever intertwined.

    Take good care of yourself, for you are worth taking good care of – no matter how your dog died. Know that your dog forgives and loves you, and is happily resting in peace.

    In sympathy, with love,
    Laurie

  • TKS

    I am feeling so sick in my gut right now. My best friend Chloe died unexpectedly two nights ago in her sleep. She is a lazy breed, Dog De Bordeaux so I did not notice any change in her activity level. She had developed a “cough” a few months back but only seemed to do it when she was being “silly” and I thought it was behavioral. I thought she was making noise for attention as she would just hack once or twice, and it was dry. It was not throughout the day, maybe once per day. About a year ago I stopped taking her to the vet for regular checkups because she had had all immunizations and was growing in size, acting healthy and happy, etc. Now two days after her death I read the danger of heartworms. I honestly thought it was just another thing for the vet to push to get money. I did. I did not know it was a necessary thing. I read that a dry cough is a sign. That laziness and lethargy is a sign. It has recently become very hot in Texas and I just thought she was resting more, as it was not much of a change at all. I think I actually might have killed her by choosing not to do her preventative care, and I am devastated right now. I love and miss her so much. Why did I do this due to not wanting to spend money or take the extra effort to go get the pills? I did not take care of my best friend as she always took care of me. Please forgive me Chloe. Someone please say something to ease my pain.

    • Amy

      I am so very sorry for your loss. Many of us don’t realize that heart worm is a real threat because so many of our pets never get it.
      I lost my baby yesterday from the Texas heat. I went camping an hour away and took longer to get back and he got trapped in the sun unable to get to water or shade and passed away before I got home.

  • Tina Blacksmith

    We lost our Pablo today. He was a white Chihuahua who loved paying with his dirty old ball. We got him a new ball but he never played with it. He loved when we’d throw that old ball and would run and do this adorable bark as he jumped for it mid-air. When he stopped playing with that ball was one of the first signs I should’ve recognized.

    Around a month ago I noticed this small growth on his neck. I told myself it would go away. He was still eating fine and drinking water but then he slowly started losing weight and sleeping a majority of the time. This morning it was time to end his suffering. The guilt is unbelievable. His best buddy Tegan (also a Chihuahua) seems to sense his best friend is gone. The hard truth is he might still be here if I hadn’t tricked myself into believing he’d get better and paid more attention to it. I feel directly responsible for him not being here now. I’ve been bursting into tears all day long but I try to do it when Tegan is in another room or outside because dogs sense our emotions and I don’t wanna make him miss his best friend even more. I don’t know if the guilt will go away.

    I’m so so sorry Pablo. The only thing comforting me is the fact that you’re not in pain now. We love you very much and your absence will forever leave a void in our lives. Rest easy sweet boy. I hope your sweet doggy spirit is eating all the chicken you want and playing with your dirty old ball. ❤🐕🌈

  • Swadha

    I lost my 11 year old baby boy only two days ago, everything i do, and every corner of my house remind’s me of him, and i don’t think i can ever get over the fact that i did not give my 100% in taking care of him. He had been sick on and off since past one month, every year in summer he would fall a little sick due to the extreme heat that we have in our town. He had been throwing up his food every once in a while and we did not take it too seriously, we thought its the temperature. We did take him to the vet 10 days before we lost him, the real problem could not be diagnosed and he was only treated with his vaccinations, as he looked physically well, had a good weight, he was going for walks, climibing stairs, and eating food. 2 days before he died he was suppose to be taken to the vet seeing that he was not looking very well and had some cough but i didn’t i got busy with my parent’s anniversary and i did not realise how much my actions will cost. Even on the day he died he climbed up the stairs at morning waiting for me to wake up, i took a glance at him and I immediately knew i will have to take him to the doctor, he threw up two times before we put him in the car, since it was morning time the doctor was unavailable and he was treated of fever and weakness by an assistant, we took him home but by noon he was even sicker, we took him to the vet again this time the doctor saw him and said he has severe stomach ulcer and told us we can only hope that he will recover this, His fever had gone a little down which gave me hope, but he barely had any strenght in his body, it took him so much efforts to be able to sit. The doctor told us he has indigested something toxic, which has damaged his stomach, we realised that we had pesticides sprayed in our home few days ago which might have caused this. We also fed him human medication which might have hurt him rather than doing him good ( we did not know he had ulcers that time ) ( he had been taking that medication for years and nothing had happend we had no clue ). But now that i think about everything, i do feel careless for not seeing all this coming, i should have taken him to the vet early, i should not have been so ignorant. Now i cant get my baby back.

  • Keith Randall

    Never having a pet as a child I never thought the attachment you feel would be so strong. Losing one dog a few years back hurt but nothing like the loss of my baby boy Nash this past Saturday evening. Nash was a 4year old red Standard Poodle that we welcomed to our family when he was 8 weeks old. We got him from a breeder in Saratoga NY. Nash was the sweetest loving boy. He loved playing fetch with me with his rubber ball. He also loved to catch the ball after I threw it on the roof of the house. Nash loved every person he saw. He was always excited to say hello and kiss anyone and everyone. He was a sturdy boy-70lbs- and if Nash wanted to say hello to someone you were going whether you liked it or not.

    Nashy,as I called him, had 2 other companions he left behind. A 12 year old standard poodle”mom” Bella and a precocious greyhound sister Cookie. Nash was a beautiful boy with a great personality and the nicest temperament you can imagine.

    When something so terrible happens to a pet you love so much, the guilt you feel is overwhelming, when you could’ve prevented it. We were getting ready to go out to celebrate my sons 25th birthday from a few days prior. Breakfast as he knew it was at 5:30p 99% of the time. That day it was pushed up to 3:30 due to early dinner reservations. I took them out to go potty after they ate. The poodles I usually let go potty off a leash even though we live on a road that is decently busy at times. I saw Nashy sitting on the lawn as I went to let my Greyhound back in the house. I was closing the front door and then I heard a cry that will haunt me forever. Nash was across the street in great distress. He darted across the street to say hello to 2 teenage boys that were walking by and was hit by a car. Although I didn’t see it I knew it wasn’t good. Nashy ran across the street to me in shock. They told me the car hit him and he flew across the street and tumbled on the grass. Then everything was a blur. We rushed him to an emergency vet clinic 1 mile from our house.They said he was in shock but his vitals and oxygen levels were OK. They did x rays and told us he had a perforated bowel and his stomach and liver moved up towards his heart. He was in guarded condition and they said the only chance was to rush him 15 miles away to have emergency surgery. Leaving the clinic I was actually optimistic he had a fighting chance. We drove as fast as we could but Nashy started to labor. His breathing became shallow in the car and when we arrived his body was limp. They rushed him in and tried to resuscitate him but he was gone. I cried like I never have before.

    Losing my parents wasn’t this hard because they both lived full lives. My baby boy didn’t deserve this fate. We were supposed to have many more years together. I can’t escape the visions of My boy losing the battle and the guilt is overwhelming. There is no way to sugarcoat it- I knew he needed to be on a leash but I convinced myself nothing would ever happen- Well it does, and it hurts like hell.

    I am so sorry my boy. I let you down and didn’t protect you and it cost you your life. It will be with me forever. I don’t know how people get over the overwhelming sadness . Saying goodbye to my boy was the hardest thing I have experienced in my life.

    Nash- Thank you for your unconditional love and for making me laugh and for being one of a kind. I will miss you so much. I will see you on the other side someday when we can resume playing together.

    RIP my baby boy!

    • Geoffrey Neale

      Thank you for sharing. You are not to blame. 99% of the time he crosses the street and sees those teenagers just fine. It was a complete freak accident please know that.

      • Keith Randall

        Thanks Geoffrey. It was a perfect storm of things gone wrong. I guess the most important lesson is that as humans we need to take responsibility for the things in life that we can control. There is so much out of our control that happens around us. I am fully committed to being better the next time around. It was a hard lesson for me to learn. Hope time will ease the pain.

    • Jasmin

      I feel you so much! I just can‘t get over the fact, that my Sweet little cat had such a short life. He was only a year and a half, almost still a baby! And all this because of my foolishnes. I remember feeling so awful once dir accidently Stepping on his little paw, but there I cuddle him and Tell him im sorry and now I accidently caused his Death and it just overwhelmes me. When I Look back at it now, I See all the danger and all the details that I should have done different or shouldn‘t have done at all. But I try to keep telling myself that at this moment, I thought I had the situation under Control und Never would have done that, knowing what I know now. And also that this was just an awfully terrible Moment of several things coming together. Of Course, this exact Thing wouldnt have happened if you wouldnt have put him of the leash, but this also wouldnt have happened if the car wouldnt have come by in this exact Moment, and also if the driver would have stopped and also if the boys wouldnt have Been there and so on . I know it doesnt really take away the pain and grief, but maybe iit puts your guilt in another Light. I too can’t get these horrible Images of my baby in pain, fear, not understandng whats happening and life slowly leaving his little body out of my head, I just Hope that it will get better with time. But for now I just dont know how To cope with all that and get on with my life.
      I hope that you will soon forgive yourself for being human and be able To just cherish the lovely time you had together, without all this guilt.
      Jasmin

      • Keith Randall

        Thanks for your response. It makes me realize that this sort of thing happens to someone every day. The hurt isn’t as raw now but I am constantly reminded of Nash which I guess isn’t a bad thing. You are right. It was a perfect storm of things that caused it to happen. As the human I was responsible. In hindsight if it were my 4 year old daughter, I would never let her wander around by a busy street.I accept responsibility and have to be better the next time. I have to love my 2 other dogs and hope the pain subsides. Hope you find some peace with the loss of your cat. Take care

        • Jasmin

          Thank you too. It really does help to hear, that this happens to a lot of people. Yes, I think the best thing we can do is to take responsibility for the things we should have done different, learn from them and with the time forgive ourselves because we never wanted such a thing to happen and just remember our dear pets with lots of love. I wish you lots of strength. Thank you very much, you too.

    • Tara

      I lost my 2 1/2 year old Samantha this week in such a similar way. She was the most adorable, loving, spirited quirky girl. I and my two babies were thrilled we were getting to go out and drive to a school yard to play when i got home from work. Planning on leaving immediately i left the garage door open. I let them out like i have a hundred times but she must have been extra excited and she ran all the way into the street. It is a very quiet street but a lawn crew truck was at the exact spot to instantly kill her. We loved each other more than is imaginable and i cant believe i thought it was safe to let them run out of the house to get in the car. They were so well behaved in front but shes just a little girl who doesnt understand the dangers and i was supposed to protect her. My dogs are my beloved family members and i do so much to give them the healthiest funnest most loved lives. All i wanted was to take them to the school to play and if i had just closed the garage door she would get the long happy life she deserved. I dont know how to find my way out of this guilt and torment about her life being cut so short. Part of me feels i deserve to be in misery forever. Now i see a dog is never completely safe off leash and i think if i continued believing that a tragedy would have happened eventually. From the day we got her from the rescue as a puppy she exceeded
      all hopes we had and had the happiest best personality. How did this happen to that sweet angel? All because i got complacent that nothing really bad could happen and they never went past the yard then ran back into the garage to get in the car. But not the day i cant turn back.

      • Keith Randall

        I am so sorry for your loss Tara. Grieve as long as you need to but at the same time start forgiving yourself. Keep remembering that you gave Samantha a wonderful loving family and never wanted anything but the best for her. I think we both learned a lesson as hard a way as we could, by losing a pet that we loved so much. The best thing we can do is learn from our mistakes and be better for our remaining babies that are still with us. I hope you start finding some peace. Take care!!

  • Kelly

    I said goodbye to my 14yr old lab less than 48hrs ago. He had developed a small cough 12 days previous that I thought was kennel cough, as he had contact with the neighbor puppy that got through the fence into our yard. I treated him with a humidifier, honey, cough medicine and it wasnt bad, just a cough a few times a day. Tuesday while walking him, a loose dog ran up on him, and he laid down and took a few minutes to get back up to continue or walk. The next day, i took him to the park and had him in his stroller most of the walk as it was hot out, but at the end of the walk i decided to let him out to get a little exercise before going back to the car. He walked a bit then got wobbly and fell. I picked up his head in my hands to ask him if he was ok; he had a dazed look in his eyes. Got him in his stroller and gave him water at the car and he was his usual chipper self in the backseat on the ride home. I decided thursday to go to the vet, as maybe we just needed some antibiotics for the cough. Upon getting out of the car, i gave him a minute to walk and potty, and he again kinda fell on his side and didnt want to get back up. After a few minutes he was able to get up. The vet was worried he may have pneumonia and took an xray and ran an ekg. He had an enlarged heart and a murmur. We were referred to a specialist and went there immediately. He didnt want to get out of the car, so i went in to have someone help me. They beought him in on a gurney. After almost 2 hours, a vet came in the room to tell me he had fluid on his heart. It would be $1300-$1800 additional to run more tests. I said i could come up with the $1300 but would need a week for anymore extra costs. He said ok and left. Came back with another vet who was now talking about euthanasia. What???? I just wanted an antibiotic. He told me Ty would need expensive treatment and very expensive monthly heart pills. I said i could find money to pay for his heart pills but he kept pushing euthanasia, saying is heartrate was 180bpm. I had noone with me, and was so frightened that my baby of 14yrs may be in distress with the heart situation. I trusted the vet and agreed to let him go.
    Now upon researching the enlarged heart and heart fluid, i am consumed with guilt that i allowed this to happen. It is treatable. I wish i never would have gone to the vet that day. My baby was eating and drinking fine, still happy and playing with his toys. When they brought him into the room i had been waiting in, he went to the door to go home. But we didnt. He just wanted to go home. But the vet scared me so much that he was in physical distress that I listened to them and put him down. I should have walked out and went to another vet yesterday. I have always done everything to orotect my baby, and when he needed protecting the most, i failed him. No matter how much i try to convince myself, i dont think it was his time. Just 3 months before, his vet said he was doing amazing for his age and that his bloodwork came back awesome; he called him the ironman.
    I am racked with guilt and sadness that i trusted the specialists that bullied and frightened me into euthanasia. I never ever expected to not go home with my boy that day, it all was so chaotic and fast and i had noone with me to slow down and stand up to the doctors. I failed my boy. He should be here right now. He wanted to go home. I dont know how i will ever let go of this guilt that i cut his life short. This pain is unbearable

    • Lynn

      Kelly,

      I am crying as I read this because the same thing happened to me…different circumstances…but the same thing. My dogs condition was treatable… but put her down at the advice of the vet. This happened to me on April 30.

      I am so sorry for your loss. Over the past several weeks I have been reaching out to my dog loving friends for help, I have been on messsge boards and finally decided to go to therapy. I am doing EMDR therapy in an effort to reframe the experience somehow. I know I can’t change things now and that is painful. My heart hurts for you. Sending love and prayers to you.

    • Jamie

      I know exactly how you feel. The guilt is heavy and sometimes feels unbearable. I went through a rough time with losing my Aleister back in Apirl. I replayed the day I lost him (to bladder complications) over and over thinking about all the what-if’s. I feel that maybe if I did things differently, he would still be here. It was hard at first. I sat with the guilt and pain of it all for awhile. It felt good to let it all out for a few days, then the only thing that got me through it was trying to remind myself that I meant well. You loved your friend so much and did what you thought was the best at the time. Please forgive yourself, because you did nothing wrong. I’m so sorry this happened. Try to do your best to forgive yourself and remember all the good times you had together. Do something special in honor of your friend. He would want to see you happy.

  • Debbie hay

    My stogie a 14.5 year old daschund had to be put down 2 days ago. He was failing in health, most likely had Cushing disease but a few weeks ago struggled with breathing correctly. We tried numerous rounds of antibiotic as our best guess was teeth infections or tumor blockage. Nothing worked. I don’t think he was in pain, but struggled. Two days prior to his death he definitely got worse, we definitely began to say our goodbyes. He had a 1220 app with the vet on Thursday.He enjoyed puppy paws, my chicken and I decided I would ask for one last miracle for him, a steroid trial. Maybe something would allow breathing to be better and I knew not fix him but give us more time. I took him up to bed. Prior to bed I did a steam shower for him, seemed to calm him and we’d go to bed. Then the cruelest twist of my story happened, I dropped him. He was in a blanket, his lifeless little body slipped right through and he hit ceramic tile hard. He yelped in pain and could barely breath. I calmed him and with a broken heart prayed I didn’t harm him. He spent the next hours in my arms, asleep on my shoulder. He slept all night, seemed calm. In the morning I had a puppy who went from struggling to breath out of nose to a puppy using his mouth to breathe. When you love someone so much I knew I could not watch him much longer. Wanting to cherish each moment turned into 1220 couldn’t get there fast enough. It’s painful enough to get through my grief. But I am tormented by the fact I took my boys last chance away. I know it was an accident, I even know he forgave me but nothing is taking how angry I am that this happened. It just leaves me with this feeling I’d have him right now, even if for a little, but I robbed him of his last chance. A stupid accident I believe caused him a trauma his frail little self couldn’t overcome. Guilt ? I guess on top of just grief that takes my breath away. I love you little stoger I need to believe you are with grandma, happy and whole but I am broken-hearted and trying to forgive myself. How I want you back, want that evening back.

    • Olga

      Debbie …I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my boy 7 months ago. He also struggled with cushings for 1 1/2 years. I played so many what ifs… should of… could have..,the guilt just tore me apart. I had to seek counseling. My boy was 15 1/2 when I made the decision to let him go after he had what seemed like a stroke. I now believe it may have been an Addison crisis. The emergency vet wasn’t sure what it was and she never mentioned Addisons. Only now 7 months later I can finally accept that whatever I did – right or wrong… I did out of love for him. He hated going to the vet. I had promised him that I woul never leave him days or weeks at a hospital, that I would never have him hooked up to machines. Not that I criticize those who do that… it’s everyones poragative to treat their babies as they choose. I can finally realize that all I did was keep my promise. For me… I’d give anything to have him even if I had to quit my job to take care of him… I just want him back.. but what was best for him was peace… rest… no more pain. I’ll give up what I want.. so Hecl can have what he needs. I could never have thought like this a few months ago.. all I thought about was guilt. I finally had to stop myself every time I started with the guilt It was consuming me … affecting my job.. just ruining me. I believe that in time… you will learn to forgive yourself and realize that everything you did was with love. The dropping him was an accident and your baby knows that. Try to remember how he looked at you with those loving eyes… he ADORED you I’m sure. I’m sure if you asked your baby to forgive you he’d ask” for what? ” cause all he knew is that he loved you and you loved him with all your heart ! Time will help…prayers for you.

  • Lynn

    My 17 year old dog had dementia that had been progressing slowly over a year. Over a years time she stopped going for walks, she stopped playing with toys and stopped barking. In the last few months she was sleeping a lot, pacing a bit during the day, no longer got up to greet me and didn’t seem to recognize her name. She could sleep, eat, drink and go in the backyard. She wagged her tail when I scratched her put butt. He tail was down most of the time. One day I found her under my nightstand…the next day in the closet. Her dementia seemed to be getting worse. I ended up giving her a supplement called Cholodin….reviews seemed to indicate it helped a lot of dogs but not mine. I gave it to her for 3 days ( so 1 1/2 pills total). She stopped eating and drinking. After 2 1/2 days I called the vet. The only vet available was someone I found to be really cold. She also didn’t handle my dog nicely one time. So, I ended up going to an emergency vet. They gave my dog subcutaneous fluid and an appetite stimulate. The next day I was going to see my family and asked the vet if it was safe to take my dog on the plane… he said yes. I put food and water out for my dog..but she still didn’t appear to be drinking or eating. The night we landed her nose was stuffed up…went to the animal hospital and waited for hours. The vet said it was just a dry nose….but IV fluid might help her anxiety from the medication. I said ok….it took them a long time to give me an estimate. I told the vet tech I was worried about my dog being in a small space because she was stressed and asked if my dog could be put in a larger kennel. The girl went around in circles not committing. I asked to speak to the vet again….time went by…no vet. I finally left. I blame myself for leaving because I think my dog may have been ok if she got IV. The next day I took her to another place. Again…subcutaneous fluid and appetite stimulate. Did the same the following day and finally put my dog in the hospital. By then it looked like something neurological was developing. She was on day 6 of not eating or drinking…with 3 treatments of sub Q fluids. I also tried giving her liquid and food with a syringe but she wasn’t getting much. She was in the hospital 5 days, her dehydration was treated. She was still being fed with a syringe and treated with sub q fluids at home. They suspected she had an ulcer so she was taking medication for that. 1 day after returning from the hospital she started pacing. I thought it was her dementia or she was anxious due to her stuffed nose. She paced through the night and next day, but was also hiding and bumping into things. I had a vet appointment at 4 (she had been pacing for a day and 1/2). Right before I left she collapsed into what seemed like a coma. The vet was a few blocks away. He said if I wanted to save her I needed to go back to the hospital immediately. He also said he didn’t think her prognosis was good, and that this would now be a viscous circle. I asked him what he would do if it was his dog ? He said he would let her go. He didn’t think her quality of life would be good. My appointments to go there was to get her some anxiety medication as well as discuss the other drugs the hospital gave her to get his opinion. I never imagined she would collapse. Putting her down that day was a snap decision which is so unlike me. When asked if I was keeping her alive for me or for her….I said I didn’t want to get her alive for me. I thought about her progressing dementia and agreed to put her down. Now I’m backtracking regretting not taking her to my vet initially ( she could have survived). I regret not leaving her at the hospital the first time, I regret not taking her to the hospital when she was pacing. I regret giving her the supplement that caused the downward spiral. I regret not trying harder to save her before putting her down. None of it makes sense to me and I am stuck in a place of guilt and pain.

  • Elie

    My sweet yorkie girl Nemo died 2 days ago. She lived to be 14yrs 3mo. In the past couple of months she lost her eye sight and towards the end some of her hearing too. At that age her arthritis had also kicked in and she wasn’t putting any weight on one of her hind legs at all. We have a grassy backyard and a fenced in pool. We would always carry Nemo to the middle of the grass so that she would get some movement making her way back to the patio door. In the past few days when I would call her name she would walk the other way, she seemed disoriented. Our other dog was always with her but Nemo would bark at different times of the night and early mornings prompting me to go hold and comfort her. Not always but very often.
    In the past I had taken her close to the pool and had also taken her in the water to see if she would swim but she wouldn’t paddle at all. In fact she would never come close to the water even with the pool gate open when the rest of the family was swimming.
    Two days ago, I woke up a little later than usual, so my other half had already put both dogs outside to go relieve themselves as usual. When I woke 20 minutes later I went to check on the dogs and saw only one at the patio door and Nemo was missing. I looked straight out to the pool and there she was floating. I immediately ran outside and scooped her out but it was far too late. The iron gate door was closed with a latch so I know she must have squeezed herself through the iron rail spacing. For 2 days I’ve been walking around that gate wondering why and which spot she went through from. I’ve been sitting at the spot I’ve scooped her up thinking why didn’t I wake up earlier because I would have checked on her and may have noticed she was about to fall in and could have prevented it. I can’t stop thinking whether she suffered drowning, why and how she squeezed through the spacing—she was very familiar with the entire backyard setting—maybe she got disoriented, and I can’t take that image of her floating little body out of my mind. My heart is aching and broken.
    I also feel guilty because we had a baby 3.5 years ago and I feel like I wasn’t giving my little Nemo all my love and attention like before anymore.
    I know she was up in age and I would have had to make the heart wrenching decision to put her down but I just didn’t want her to go this way and without being able to hold her and say goodbye. I miss my baby girl so much! I feel like a piece of my heart is missing.

    • K.

      I am so sorry. I have been struggling with a similar situation. I lost my Yorkie a year ago In June. I was at work and my husband was outside with our dogs. The furnace guy came so husband let him in and said he was only gone about five minutes. He came back and Archie was floating in the pool. My son and his grandfather were sitting on a porch overlooking the pool and they never heard a thing. I feel really guilty too because my son was only three. Before he was born Archie was my little buddy, always in my lap or following me everywhere. Things changed and I wanted to spend more time with him but it just never seemed to happen. It is a year later and I can’t stop thinking about how scared he must have been. The vet said he might have had some kind of neurological event and been unable to struggle when he hit the water but it doesn’t help. I feel so guilty and I was twenty miles away. I couldn’t go swimming last year and I don’t know what I am going to do this year. My son wants to go swimming with his mom and I am just filled with dread. I have this nasty little voice in my head saying that no one was paying him enough attention so he just gave up. I know that doesn’t make any sense but that voice doesn’t seem to go away.

  • Karla Estudillo Fuentes

    My beloved Terry died yesterday. All I ever wished for was for him to not die alone, and he did. My mom has been sick for months and on Friday they left in the evening (my dad and her) to Mexico to seek further treatment. They checked him and he seemed to be fine, he was 14 and old so he wasn’t super bouncy but he was happy. I didn’t go over the weekend because I had to take them to the airport in Tijuana and spent the night there. On Monday I got a phone call from my uncle who was feeding him and checking on him that he didn’t want to eat, I couldn’t answer because I was at work still. After work I forgot to call him back but he texted me saying that Terry ate, that he was lethargic, he also told me that he seemed to be bleeding a bit from his leg and that he saw some maggot activity. At this point it was 5 pm and going to see Terry would be a 3-4 hour drive. I decided to take work off the next day and leave early in the morning to go help him. My uncle and cousin sent me a video of him eating so I thought he would at least be okay until the next day. I had already made the plan to clean him and help him, feed him sausages, and then take him to be put down because I didn’t want him to suffer. On Monday night I couldn’t sleep because I was worried about him, I should’ve just left that night! The next morning I woke up at 4:30 am and again couldn’t fall back asleep, I should’ve left there too! Instead I went to a 5-6 am gym class showered and then left to help him. When I got home a few hours later he was dead already. I could tell that he was dead as soon as I pulled up because he usually ran to the gate or at least lifted his head anytime we drove up. I ran out of the car to see him but it was too late. He was lying in his favorite spot under the tree, probably the only comfort he could find in all that pain. When I saw his leg it was infected and had more maggots than I could count. How could I have let this happen! I should’ve gone the day before and even if couldn’t save him I could’ve lessened his pain and been with him in the end. I feel so guilty. I knew he couldn’t have been dead very long, he was still warm and I unfolded his paw because he had bent it when lying down. I wish I hadn’t gone to workout or that I had gone the night before, I could’ve let him know he wasn’t alone. I loved him for 14 years and I wasn’t there when he needed me the most. I’m also angry at my uncle for not helping him the day before even though he saw how bad it was or not showing me and telling me that it was horrible and I needed to come right there. I was ready for him to go, but not like this. Not alone and in pain waiting for his family to help him only to be let down. I can’t forgive myself, my uncle, or even my parents for leaving. I don’t know how he got the wound but I spent a while trying to clean him up after I found him and I couldn’t. My uncle came and had to shake me off of him and tell me to stop, that he was already gone. I had to put my baby boy in a plastic bag to take him to be cremated. I don’t know how to not feel guilty and keep living in “what ifs”. I loved him so much!
    Terry, I am so sorry. I wasn’t there for you when you needed me most. I didn’t listen to your call when you needed me. I abandoned you and you died in the worst way I can imagine. I don’t know how I’m ever going to get past this. I don’t feel like I can go home again because you won’t run up to the gate or we won’t sit under your favorite tree anymore. You were always so happy to see me, I wish you’d bit me or something so that I could feel better but you just loved me unconditionally. I know that if I had gotten there on time you would’ve been comforted and licked me and just looked up at me in love. But I was too late. I am so sorry, please forgive me. Please let me get the image of you like that out of my mind because it’s all I see. I love you, chiquito. Help me remember all the good times.

  • Laurie Post author

    Thank you for being here – it takes alot of courage and humility to share how guilty you feel after your dog’s death. I am so sorry for your loss. It’s such a painful accident, and I know that if you could turn back time and do it differently, you would in a heartbeat.

    Remember that it was an accident. You never would’ve hurt your dog, and you didn’t know what would happen. Don’t let yourself drown in guilt or shame — I know it’s hard not to feel guilty about your dog’s death, but it wasn’t your fault. It was a terrible accident.

    Give yourself time to grieve, to feel the pain and sorrow of losing your dog. Take time to allow the emotions to wash through you, because in grieving you will find healing. It’ll hurt…but it’ll help you forgive yourself.

    And, talk to someone in person. A grief counselor or even a trusted, understanding friend can help you deal with the guilt and forgive yourself for the accident.

    In sympathy,
    Laurie

  • YamatoTakeru

    I try coping with guilt right now, and with all the images, all the ifs and what I could have done. Shiro died three days ago and I can’t stop thinking of him and what happened. He was just five months old and he had been with me for 3 and a half almost nothing i guess but still I loved him, I love him for real. I promised him to show him the mountains, to run all over the alps, to travel as much as we could, he was my companion, he was to be my second climber on our journeys. We had planned to make the tour of the Mont Blanc, we had to cross Chartreuse and Belledonne and we were going to see Norway, and who knows what possibilities had the future. Shiro was so noble as my mother used to say, and damn he was smart. He learned so quickly, I was sure he would have done great in the mountains, he was extraordinarily good the times I brought him with me, despite his young age. He really loved to discover new places, new things, new smells, in such a short time he experienced lots of things and he always enjoyed those moments, the people, the places, the panoramas.
    I wanted to train him for Norway, it was going to be tough and we had to cross part of the Fjords by kayak, I wanted him to learn and to see if he liked it, and he did loved it. I took him with me to the Ardeche canyon, usually an easy kayak descent. He wasn’t so confident at the start but he got quickly the handle of it, and he was enjoying it: I was simply so proud of my dog. The water was calm and I took of my safety jacket: I had just finished an alpine course the weekend before and I guess I got cocky, a real idiot. As idiot as I could get I didn’t notice the fast waters below and got caught in them and at that point neither him nor me were wearing a safety jacket. Obviously the kayak turned over and we fell in the middle. I tried to keep him with me while we were sinking, taken by the waters. He slipped from my hand, or I let him slip I saw him drawn to the otherside of the river and I couldn’t swim back to him. I was able to get out of water and luckily someone was able to recover him. When I finally got to Shiro he was awefully scared but he walked and was conscious he seemed ok, and I thought that it was going to be alright that it was just a real bad moment and that we were going to be alright. Stupidly I passed the last village and the problem is that once you are in the canyon you can’t get out until half way in. When I finally realised that Shiro wasn’t alright at all we already were deep inside the canyon. I carefully avoided all the fast waters, tried to go as fast as I could. He hang up with me for more than two hours, trying to keep up. He looked at me with those eyes half closed, when I made a stop to let him rest a bit I got out of the boat and he followed me… he would have follow me no matter what, he just look for me that much.
    When I finally got the half point where we were supposed to spend the night I put him on a warm rock under the sun to help him warm up a bit while looking to a veterinarian but I had no internet there. So I went to take him to the camping area where the guard may help me and that’s where things got completely out of hand. He started spitting blood from his mouth I just dropped whatever I had on my hands and carried him, running as fast as I could. But when I got to the camping area he was already suffocating. I put him on the ground between my arms trying to help him spit out the water/blood mixture, keeping his mouth opened. I was completely useless to help him, I was there seeing him die in my hands covered in blood. I can perfectly remember that the moment I realized he was long way gone was when his tongue dropped heavy on my hand, I can perfectly remember him looking at me right before. I spent I don’t know how much time there with him trying to understand all the poor choices that I did, faking a hope whenever I had the impression to see him breathe again. I spent the night inside my tent unable to rest, just considering how foolish I was, thinking to all that I could have done to save him if only I had been less selfish, less blind to his condition from the beginning.
    He’s going to be cremated and I’m doing the only thing I can think of to honour his memory. I’ll take part of his rests to the Grand Paradis summit and part of his rests on the top of the mount blanc for him to see all the places I promised him. That won’t erase all the wrongs I did last friday and I really find it hard to believe that I can forgive myself with just that, I just want to try and let him see the world I wanted to show him, somehow even if he’s not there anymore.

  • Sungazelle

    My poor sweet Daisy. We had her for six wonderful years. She is gone, and it is all my fault. She was a beautiful Great Pyrenees mix. I first got her for my daughter, after a devastating divorce, an intercontinental move, and a new marriage. Daisy helped us through those tough times. And when we moved into a house she was our faithful companion. Daisy would garden with me. She watched over my daughter, and their love was so beautiful. We spoiled her tremendously. She ate real food. She especially loved ribs. We would take her out to Bruisters for Ice Cream. She loved walking. She couldn’t stand kayaking or swimming. Hated water in general. But she loved the snow. And she loved car rides. We would always take her with us in the car to drop my daughter off to the bus stop.
    Since before we got her she would some times throw up bile and blood. The vet didn’t find anything, and thought it might go away on its own. It didn’t. She was mostly fine aside from occasional upsets. Last Monday she seemed to be having a bad day. She didn’t want to leave the car after we dropped off my daughter. It was a cool morning, so I thought a few minutes would be ok. My husband then tried to get her out. He pulled on her caller, but she would not move. We meant to leave her a few more minutes, but Dear God! We forgot about her!! Hours passed, and the car heated up. I was on the ridding mower when I heard my husband screaming and sobbing at the top of his voice. We both ran to the car, but it was way too late. Rigor mortis had already set in. It looked as if she just lay there and died. I know it was the heat because her feet were so wet from sweat, and her mouth was wet from panting. There was a little blood from either her nose or mouth from the heat stroke.
    I wish I could die.
    I sit in the back of the hot car hoping to reconnect with her. My baby who died a horrible death all alone. Part of me knows how dangerous it is, but why should I worry about me if I let that happen to her? What a gaping whole this has left in our family. My daughter is seeing a counselor and sleeping in our bed at 12 years old. My husband and I have both lost weight because we can’t even eat. I was crying so hard even our cat, Lily, came to comfort me. I am still in shock and just can’t believe this has happened. I never believed in an afterlife, but now I am struggling to find proof of one. This just can’t be the last time I see her. I love her too much. Oh my sweet sweet girl. We miss and love you so much! Mommy is so sorry!!

    • Rachel Malstaff

      I’m so sorry for your loss. The same thing happened to our dog. It’s been 8 months and the pain has lessened but my husband and I still have bad days. This site has really helped me. ❤️❤️❤️

    • Mom2bkm

      My daughters and I forgot our 7 year old lab in the car on Monday. The guilt is unreal. Everyone keeps telling me to move on, forgive myself, but I just can’t. I’m overwhelmed with guilt and grief. I am so sorry that you are going through the same thing.

      • Sungazelle

        It has been almost a month. I don’t cry all day anymore, but it still hurts. Someone posted that it is good to look at everything as puzzle pieces. That so many things had to happen in order for the end result to be what it was. This helps a little, realizing that life and death come together as it will, and in the end we just don’t have the control that we think we do. Even of our own minds.

    • Julie

      My 12.5 year old miniature pinscher named Daisy suddenly died last week. I’ve been feeling extreme guilt because my older sister suggested that it was our fault because we had given her a pork rib the night before. Daisy loved ribs and she always got one every time we had them. We knew never to feed chicken bones because of splintering but we honestly didn’t think a pork bone could do that. However, despite my guilt I don’t believe that’s why she died. She vomited and pooped in her kennel but there was not a drop of blood in either. There was no abdominal distension that indicated internal bleeding. Daisy was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder that attacked the mucosal lining of her mouth and was on a small dose of prednisone for it for the last two years. As it goes, the meds caused her to eat everything and drink a lot as well, however the issue with her mouth cleared up. She also had little cysts all over her body. There’s so many things that could’ve caused her death but my sister insists that we caused it to happen. She was full of life and happy before bed and then in the morning she was dead without as much as a sound. Her body was still warm when we got out of bed and if she’d made any sound we would’ve woken up.

    • Amy

      I’m so sorry for your loss. I am feeling something very similar and know the pain you are in. I went camping for my little brothers birthday and left the dogs at home. I set up a canopy, water bowl and a trough for the dogs to get into. Klein ended up getting tangled up in the canopy leg and couldn’t get to the water. The poor baby just baked in the sun because there was no shade where he was stuck. I got home and he was just laying in the sun. I knew immediately he was gone. My heart is broken. I’m so very sorry and he was such an amazing sweet dog. I feel horrible thinking about him suffering in the hot sun. I just figured with the shade and water they would be fine for the day but I was wrong.

  • Taylor

    I lost my sweatpea Saturday, April 28th at 6:20 pm and he had just turned 5. Apollo was my beautiful Siberian Husky, Australian shepherd mix. My mom got him for the family after her messy, emotionally draining divorce. She picked him out because of his beautiful blue eyes and being the runt of the pack. He was a complete surprise, but he changed my life forever the day we got him. Since that moment, I felt so much light and happiness return to my heart. She got him for her, but we instantly bonded. He was only 8 weeks old, and I remember how small he was and how he perfectly fit in my lap. He died in my lap, just as he entered my world. I have struggled with anxiety and depression for many years, and Apollo just seemed to put all those broken pieces back together. He laid on top of me whenever he noticed I was having a rough day and he didn’t mind snuggling so close and even falling asleep spooning most nights. He actually loved to cuddle and wasn’t okay after I returned to him after school or work without cuddling for a solid 20 minutes.

    Apollo was diagnosed with Addison’s disease sometime in December-January, his initial crisis was terrifying and I thought then I would lose him. I couldn’t bear the thought and I cried for hours with him in the room we sat in waiting for our specialist. The vet wanted to charge $3000 for an overnight stay and several other unnecessary tests, but I was only able to pay $700 for what he absolutely needed. I brought him back a couple days later to get his electrolytes checked. She concluded the best mode of action was to prescribe him 0.5mg of prednisone every 24 hours. I agreed and then paid another $90 for the checkup. I brought Apollo back, after noticing his symptoms of Addison’s decreased with the help of the steroid. The vet checked him again and returned to say the medication was doing what it was supposed to and his electrolytes were back to normal. She disappeared again, and a new nurse appeared. She wrote a prescription for a separate medication for Apollo, without explaining why he needed it and added that should have a re-check, again without explaining why. I left shortly after and received a call from the clinic saying I forgotten to pay another $90 for the visit.

    I thought that was absurd, especially after finding his new medication to be $200 and them wanting to charge me $3000. I felt like I was being haggled. They didn’t note in their call that he needed to be seen again, making me feel like they didn’t care. The medicine was doing what it was supposed to and his symptoms of Addison’s seemed to disappear. I never reached out again. Apollo was an 85lb dog, I thought he always drank a lot of water and sometimes he would pant at odd times but because he was so big with such a thick coat it did not concern me much. He was able to keep up on hikes and showed me that bright, beautiful smile he always showed me.

    Saturday I let my phone ring. Apollo was at my grandparent’s house, I thought their call was one of the annoying ones they leave to tell me they’re worried. I listened to their voicemail sometime after 5, my grandma spoke shakily saying he couldn’t stand up. I rushed over when I entered Apollo didn’t run up to me and wiggle like he normally did. I knew something was horribly wrong. I rushed over to where he was laying, struggling to stand up. He laid his chin on my knee, labored breathing. Tears streamed down my face and I screamed at them telling them we need to go to a hospital right away. He leaned up to hold his head at the nape of my neck like he always did when we cuddled. I looked down and watched the light leave his eyes and hear the horrible sound of his last breath. I screamed at the top of my lungs and rocked back and forth with his head and limp body in my arms. My brother rushed back to the house, performing CPR on his corpse. We took him to a vet that had closed, expecting they could do something but I noticed all the color in his tongue and gums had turned grey. I knew he was gone.

    I researched online a few days ago about his symptoms–the panting, excessive water drinking, the medication he was taking…everything. I found that with prednisone, you have to frequently fine-tune the medication otherwise the above can happen. I had no idea, I thought the medication was keeping him alive. Why didn’t the vet herself tell me why? It’s been hard, and I am still coming to terms with the whole incident. I feel horrible knowing I was decreasing the quality of his life, under the poorly judged assumption that he was fine and I was helping him. There are so many things I wish I could take back, and losing him was like losing part of myself. I am so sorry Apollo, and I hope that you can forgive me. I wish I had known better, I wish I had not acted like I knew everything, I wish I had not been so ignorant. I wish I could know for sure what killed you, I wish that I could’ve gotten to you sooner. I love you forever my sweet boy.

    • Olga

      Hello Taylor…I ha a similar situation but my dog had the opposite… Cushings. I believe the medication was doing more harm than good. I also missed some vet follow ups because he seemed to be doing fine. I lost my boy almost 6 months baths ago and I’m at the point where I’m just know letting go of the guilt. I lost so much weight…cried for months… the guilt will kill you if you aren’t careful. I know we feel like we failed. But after 6 months I see things a little clearer… we would never intentionally hurt our babies!!! We make mistakes…with our busy work or school schedules it’s not easy. I would give my boy his meds in the Am and then go to work….I think after I got home me from work the meds hard worn off and I would see a happy active doggie. It was until the last 2 months that I noticed the damage. Please know that it will get easier as time passes. After we beat ourselves up and punish ourselves so much…and realize that it serves no purpose… it will not bring them back… then we have no choice but to forgive ourselves, learn from our mistakes (cause that’s exactly what they were)… and do better with our next pet. My #281 851 9495. If you want to talk. I know it helps to talk to someone who had been through it.

    • Swadha

      I lost my baby boy only 2 days ago, and i can absolutely relate to what you feel, he looked sick 2 days before he left us but i did not take him to the vet thinking it was only common cough and fever, but after that everything turned severe. And i don’t know how i took everything so lightly, knowing the fact he had been sick on and off since past one month… he had stomach ulcers.. and we got to know this only on the last day and we could not save him.. i was ignorant and i hope he will forgive me for not being able to see what was coming. I wish i had got him treated on time

      • Geoffrey Neale

        I totally understand. Our little bruno was being very lazy for a few weeks but we just kind of dismissed as it had gotten quite hot here lately. Then last week he was very lazy and wasn’t even walking properly but he kept trying.. I guess to please us.

        We took him in and they said they could do every rest because they had no idea and wanted $1200 and money is tight these days. They said meh.. make sure he has water let him have a sleep and if hes not fine being him in first thing. Well.. he wasn’t fine. He had pee’d himself and was basically immobile. Rushed him the vet and he was actually somewhat lively again.

        We did a blood sample and got him an IV the vet didnt seem worried.

        Few hours later he was dead. Why didnt I just pay for all the test right away! It might have been the difference!

  • Sarah

    I lost my 3 and half year old frenchie two days ago. Her name was Daisy. She had to be hand reared when she was a pup as she was so small for her breed but she battled through and survived that. She was given to us at 18 months.
    It had been a warm day for May. UK weather so about 19/ 20 c. We were due to head to north Wales from Manchester for a friend’s birthday. We were running a bit late so bundled the dogs in the back (we had 2 frenchies) and set off. It was about 4.30pm so not the height of the heat. I had the air con on and I thought the car was cool enough.
    I was driving and my partner was in the passenger seat. About 5 minutes into the journey he noticed daisy panting differently so he put her in the front on his lap right in front of the air con. She was still panting and lay down. She then started to throw up, foamy. This wasn’t unusual for daisy she often threw up when over excited. We thought this was the same and put her in the back so it wouldn’t go on our clothes. I can’t believe we were concerned about our clothes! But I need to try and remember we thought she was ok still.
    Daisy continued to throw up and we noticed this wasn’t normal anymore. I pulled over on the hard shoulder on the motor way and we got daisy out to give her water. She wouldn’t drink it. We flicked some over her and on her tongue. She became worse and worse, floppy and unresponsive. We thought she had inhaled something or the air con had blown dust by her. We thought she was choking so tried to find a blockage in her airways. I put my finger in her throat and realised it was clear. But she wasn’t ok. We started cpr. Her tongue was blue, her eyes bulging and staring. She was helpless. I can’t get that image out of my head. I rang the vets and they told me the nearest one to where we were. It was 10 minutes away.
    We got back in the car, air con blasting. I drove so quick to the vets. I was so scared, she wasn’t responding.

    When we got to the vets they sedated Her, put a tube in her throat and gave her oxygen. Her tongue became normal colour her temperature was normal on arrival all was looking good. I felt hopeful. We were then told the sedation would have worn off and therefore she should be trying to get up/ choke on the tubes but she wasnt. They advised she was very likely brain damaged due to a lack of oxygen to the brain. The daisy we knew had already gone.
    They advised we could keep trying or put her down. They recommended putting her down as she is more than likely unable to recover.
    We agreed to put her down. I now regret this and wished we had given her more time- just to be sure.
    Daisy was put down at the vets. We were told it was likely heat stroke.

    I am devestated that I put her in the car. I thought it was cool enough for her. I am angry that I didn’t realise it was heat stroke sooner as I could have wrapped her in wet blankets. We shouldn’t have got her out of the car to resuscitate her we should have gone straight to the vets. All these things are overwhelming me with guilt. I feel I have let her down, I didn’t protect her when she needed me the most. I can’t stop thinking how scared she must have been.
    I feel I took her for granted, I didn’t spend any time playing or cuddling her that day. I was too busy trying to get ready for a stupid 30th party that is so insignificant now. Everything in my home reminds me of her. Her little quirks were adorable.
    This shouldn’t of happened and it happened due to me putting her in the car. I am heart broken. I don’t think I will ever forgive myself.

  • Johnny

    Because of not giving my 10 year-old dog, going back in to the doctor to get some prednisone, even though he was already on pain medicine, I didn’t think of this one and this could have saved him from walking crooked for 7 months and then not getting up for 4 months, I stupidly gave my last dog, when I noticed that this helped him not fall, though he didn’t do it all the time, so I decided to not wean him off the prednisone and keep him on it for 3 whole months, even though it was making him pant, pee, so thirsty and starving, I couldn’t see at all that his quality of life was being ruined and that he could never relax, 24 hours a day anymore, because of this medicine I was giving him. In the end, I gave him so much medicine, I killed him, but also because my parents said to stop spending so much money that I didn’t even ask how I could have saved him, I just killed him when he couldn’t get up, and this is sooo not what I would have done. I feel absolutely HORRIBLE and I do feel shame, because I gave him a TERRIBLE existence 24 hours a day for 3 whole months, and I couldn’t see any of it apparently, because I must be soo stupid, but because I can’t make it up to him, I can’t change what I did, I can’t change that I made his last 3 months absolutely HORRIBLE, and in the end I lost soo much patience too, and put him in a barrier when I went to work, due to all the peeing, that I can’t ever forgive myself, because I can’t make it up to him! I feel so sad about it and I do feel I should rot in hell for what I did, to an innocent, loving, living life.

  • Shawn

    My wife and I attended the wedding of one of my co-workers this past Friday. We had a great night and it was nice to have a break from our 2.5 year old and 10 month old sons and spend some time together. When we arrived home after the reception our kids were sleeping in bed and our almost 9 year old golden retriever mix “Cory” was waiting for us by the door and greeted us with joy as he has done for over 8.5 years since we adopted him. Little did I know that this would be the last happy greeting that we would ever have have. I was totally unprepared for what would happen tomorrow/Saturday. After we paid the baby sitter and sent her home I took Cory for a walk. We live beside an Elementary School and it has become our routine to walk there every night after the kids are in bed. Even though Cory was getting a little older and maybe he had lost a step, he still loved life and had a ton of energy. He loved to chase pine cones at the school and we played fetch for awhile. After thousands of walks, I had no idea that this would be our last walk “alone” together. When we got home we went to bed. My wife and I had no idea that this was the last night that we would spend with Cory in our bedroom.

    Normally I get up and walk Cory early on Saturday. This past Saturday however my 2 year old was up and told me he wanted to go see the “machines” at a neighborhood under construction near our house. I decided that we (my son, Cory, and myself) would make this our walk and adventure for the morning before we went to go pick strawberries. So that’s what we did. I put my son in the stroller and put Cory on the lease and off we went on our adventure. Everyone was happy and having fun – we had done this exact thing several times in the past.

    When we arrived at the new neighborhood I kept Cory on his leash while my son climbed on the machines. After my son was done climbing on the machines I let Cory off his leash and we all explored together. Cory has always been a good dog and a pretty good listener, but his weakness has always been chasing animals. He loved to chase squirrels, rabbits, opossums, raccoons, deer, and pretty much anything else. Whenever he did this he would always come back after a minute or two.

    As we explored the construction site I noticed a fox trot out of the woods. I tried to distract Cory and called him over to me so I could put his leash on. Cory started heading my direction but then he saw the fox and took off after him. I yelled but could not chase him because I had my 2 year old with me. I picked up my son and we started heading in the direction Cory went calling him to come back and looking for him. We looked for him and called for him, but we did not have any luck. As we were about to give up, I noticed a truck do a u-turn and park. The driver got out of the car a few hundred yards away. When I saw this my heart sank because I knew in my heart what had happened.

    I carried my son that direction and when we approached the driver asked if we lived in the neighborhood because he hit a dog and wanted to tell the owners. I told him I was the owner and asked him if “Cory” was dead. He said that “Cory” was dead – that he had stopped and checked. He told me what happened, it was no way his fault (more mine for letting Cory off the leash) – that Cory just jumped out right in front of him and he had no time to react. He was pretty shaken up and I told him it was not his fault and that I didn’t blame him. I thanked him for stopping because otherwise I may not have found Cory. The driver showed me where Cory was, and I took a really quick look without letting my son see him. It was instantly clear that he was dead. At this point I was in shock, but reality was starting to sink in. Cory was dead. I needed to get my son home and tell my wife what happened. I also needed to get our van and get Cory off the side of the road and say good bye to him.

    On the walk home my son was asking about Cory, I made a split second decision that I was going to be honest about what happened. So, I told him that Cory ran away chasing the fox and he got hit by a car and died. I told him that Cory would not be coming home with us, that he was going to heaven. I told him we we would all miss Cory because we loved him, he loved us, and he was a good dog. I told him it was OK to be sad and to ask questions. I was pretty much a wreck at this point but trying to hold it together.

    When we got home I told my wife what happened and she was heartbroken. I got Cory’s bed out and took the stuffing out of the middle and drove the van over and parked near his body. He was in bad shape but thankfully it appeared to me that he did not suffer, or if he did it was very brief. He was laying upside down in a ditch and I walked over to him. I pet him on his head and belly. I told him that I loved him and that I would miss him. I told him that I was so sorry that he was gone and that he died the way he did. I picked him up and placed him in the cover of his bed that was monogrammed with his name. I carried him to the back of the van where he loved to ride with us and placed him inside. I was planning to bury him, but I decided on the way home that this would be too emotionally difficult and that I needed to be with my family. So I drove Cory to his vet to be cremated. I carried him inside and placed his body on one of their metal tables and said one last good bye to my best friend. I am expecting that they will call me today to go and pick up his ashes.

    For the last two days I have been pretty broken up. It is hardest when I am alone at night or at the times that we normally walked together. I guess I didn’t realize how much I loved “Cory” and how attached I was/am to him. I have gone through the pictures on my phone of many of the good times we had together. The past two nights I have taken walks alone on our favorite walking routes. I throw the pine cones for him to chase, but he is not here to chase them. I visited the place where he was hit by the car. I have been praying and asking God to take care of Cory and tell him how much with love and miss him. I even founds some of his paw prints in some mud from a recent storm. I want to say good bye to him and honor how much he meant to me.

    He was always with me, he was my shadow. I miss him so much. Driving back to the house has been so sad because he is not there to greet us with a “circle tail” and a toy in his mouth. He brought us so much joy and was such a good dog. I hope we gave him a good life, but I was not (still am not) ready to say good bye. He was starting to slow down a little bit and I had already started thinking about how Cory would probably only be with us for a few more years. I wanted Cory to be able to settle into old age and tell me when he was ready to go. I wanted my kids to grow up with Cory during their childhood, now I don’t think they will even remember him at all. Probably most of all, I wanted to say good bye to him, tell him I loved him and how much he meant to me and my family. I wanted to be there for him at the end after he had lived a full life, but instead he got killed alone in an accident without me by his side.

    So Cory – this is my Good Bye to you (probably not my last one). You were my best friend for the last 8.5 years. Thank you for your unconditional love for me and my family. We all loved you and I miss you so much. There is a big hole in our home and in our hearts because you were such a great dog. I am so sorry I couldn’t catch you and keep you safe before you ran out into the road. I believe you are in a better place and I hope one day we can be together again so we can swim, play fetch, eat treats, watch TV, and sleep in the “people bed” together. I have decided to place your ashes near our front door so that you will always be there to say good bye to us when we leave and greet us with joy when we return. I will not forget you and all of the good times that we had together. I hope you catch that fox in heaven. I know you loved us and I want to you know you were loved so much by your forever family. Good bye Cory.

  • Martin

    Wednesday April 25 I accidentally ran over my 5 year old chihuahua, Olaf. I can’t get over the guilt and keep on thinking replaying the scene in my head. I’ve been crying non stop since this happened and need to find a way to cope. Here’s a letter I wrote to my best bud.

    Dear Olaf,
    We saved your life from parvo you were almost gone but you fought through it and survived. Who would have thought that five years the same person who helped save your life would take it. I feel like I took you for granted although you were always happy to see me. I’m gonna miss you running up to the fence as soon you would hear me drive by, I still don’t understand how you always managed to know it was me but it always brought a smile to my face just to see you run. It’s crazy how we played fetch that same morning and just a few hours later your were gone. I just can’t get over the guilt even though I never meant to end your life. I hope you know how sorry I am. I will always love you buddy. Rest easy little guy, you deserve it.

    • Laura markey

      I hi Martin I did the same I ran over my beautiful Bijon Milo on the 21 March 2018 it nearly killed me he was my wing man my everything, and like no other relationship I have had before , I am struggling through it helps to know I am not alone and these were accidents I have guilt and shame and trying to be easy on myself but my mind won’t let me god bless and I hope they are both having fun over the Rainbow Bridge be kind to yourself

  • Troels

    I want to tell the whole story of my much beloved dog, who was the only one ever, that I loved unconditionally and who loved me the same way (I think), so this might end up quite long.
    Almost 11 years ago my mother encountered, through her work, a family that owned a beautiful female golden retriever who just had puppies. My mother who since her childhood had dreamed of having a golden retriever lost her heart to the sweet puppies right on the spot and decided to get one of them. There were six puppies in all, four males and two females, and all of them except for one had already found prospective owners. The last one, a small, rather quiet but unusually pretty female become our dog and after a lot of thinking and discussing she was named Selma. While waiting for her to reach the age at which we could take her home, we visited her and the other dogs once, and I remember her, spontaneously jumping into my sisters lap. A month later she was ready to become our dog. At first my sister was very eager to be around her and I felt “pushed away” to a certain degree. Furthermore at first Selma seemed to connect more to everybody else in the family or at least that’s how I felt. But my parents were not young anymore and my sister had a lot of other things on her mind, so slowly but steady Selma and I connected more and more deeply. I cared for her, played with her, took her for walks (we lived in a very nice and peaceful area) and saw her grow into a big, beautiful adult dog. She wasn’t that big as a puppy but she grew into a rather big, stocky and strong dog, who weighed almost 100 lbs and had beautiful, shiny fur. Six years went by quickly, in hindsight they seemed like six years in paradise, but of course at the time I allowed a lot of petty annoyances and worries to spoil my bliss, but Selma and I and the rest of the family had a lot of fun and shared a lot of happy moments. Then my mother became ill, it was cancer and after a short battle it took her life. A lot of bad stuff happened in a short time, my father was also ill and we lost our home, in which we had lived for more than thirty years.This is probably the right place to explain, that the reason for me to live with my parents so long was mental illness, which has been one of the “curses”, I’ve had to deal with for most of my life. Well, mental illness or not, I had to do something, so I found a new place to live and took Selma along with me. At first I was a bit reluctant about the whole situation as the responsibilty for Selma now was mine entirely, but I decided to try to look the circumstances straight into the eyes. So we moved to an old, not especially nice flat out in the country, but again it was a beautiful area and very tranquil and quiet, and thus very suitable for long walks. Selma and I walked for several hours every day and together we explored the fields, plains and woods in the area, we had moved to. Almost exactly one year after my mother died, Selma got ill with pyometra. I remember my fear of loosing my wonderful dog, and I remember, that I knew I had to act quickly – and I did. I spent all the money I had on the operation at the local vet. I have never been happier, than the day she came back from the vet. The years went by and Selma and I just became closer. Many afternoons we would sit on a bench(I did, she was on the ground beside me) by the village church and look at people and experience how the seasons changed, and how beautifully and differently each season dressed the surroundings. Selma loved these afternoons, always curious, eager and beaming with joy, I was so happy and proud of her, she was the joy of my life. Throughout her life she always had a certain nervousness, for which I don’t know the reason, but even that started to disappear as she got older. The only problem was my own inner demons. All of this time I was struggling financially as well as battleling with my mental problems. In the end after almost five years, close to Selma’s 11th birthday I gave up. For quite some time, I had tried to ask the few friends I have for help, because the pressure of my mental as well as financial problems seemed to much for me, but I didn’t find any help. So in the end I betrayed the best friend, I ever had. I was mentally broken and exhausted(still am, not that I care much right now), and I was quite certain Selma wouldn’t adapt to a new owner (part of it was probably selfishness, not being able to let her go, but at the same time not being able to keep her) so I took this terrible decision to have her put down by the vet. Thinking about it now, all I can say is, that all the things I’ve been through in my life in the end was to much, but to me that’s not an excuse for my decision. I’m so, so, so sorry, I want you to know that my dear Selma. For a long time I prayed that some kind of help would reach us and improve the situation, unfortunately that didn’t happen. I can’t express with words what a beautiful and pure ceature you were. I still put food and water in your feeding bolws everyday, and I pray everyday, that you can forgive me and that we’ll meet again someday. I will never forget you. You were the light, the love and happyness in my life and I let you down. Please forgive me and I hope you are well wherever you are. Of course even though I have tried my best to remember all the most important things, I have without doubt skipped a lot of important stuff. In the hardest times of our lives, words always seems to fall short…
    Troels, your (stupid) owner, who miss you so very much

    • Laura markey

      Hi there you were the best pet owner for Selma never forget that , my dad was left with the family dog when we all left home he couldn’t cope and we had her put down o was living Abroad at the time , and in my 20’s so it really didn’t effect me that much , my poor dad though then as I got older I had nightmares about it , and only s month ago I accidentally ran over my beautiful dog milo and I am
      In a nightmare I also sufffer with depression do it’s even worse and I think
      Im being punished for the other dog .. you are not alone be kind to yourself xxx

      • Troels

        Hi Laura. Thank you very much for your reply! I’m very sorry that you lost your dog, Milo.
        It’s comforting to be reminded, that I am not alone with these things as it is very easy feeling that way much of the time. I like to think as well that I was a good (the best)owner for my infinitely beloved Selma – I hope so. There is so much grief, sorrow, pain and heartbreak in all the stories on this page. One would hope that one day all these broken hearts somehow would be healed, but it’s hard to see how, especially when one, like me, isn’t certain about ones faith and belief.
        Anyway, thank you very much for you kind, comforting words. I hope time will ease your pain as well.
        Kind regards Troels

  • bayu pontiagust

    horrible accident just happened today with me and i lost my dog forever. i never thought this day would come this fast. My dog was only 4 years old very sweet her name was Nutella and she’s my everything like other dogs are to their owner. My dog was a red toy poodle with 3.5 kg weight. The accidents started when i was in a dog park with fences, when i got out while holding and carrying my dog with my hand there was another dog ran over the fence and run fast going to the main road, i automatically chased the dog until i bumped really hard with the position carrying my dog in my hand. it was a rough crash and i did realised my dog was in font me and her neck bump the road really hard and my heart instantly said “i might loose her without even seeing her condition” and when i saw and hold her she was no longer there without a single pain bark. i saw her eyes changed and blood started to spill out over he nose and mouth on that moment i knew she was no longer with me. i was in a shock couldn’t say anything and carried the body of my dog home. I kept instantly calling my dog to wake up while she was on my lap but no tears out from my eyes until i got home and started to cry. then it was the moment i knew and accept my baby girl was gone. It was a traumatic and a horrible accident that i i had to gone through. i never even thought of loosing my dog with that way, it just a split second and she’s gone. i tried to remain calm and thought about what happened i didn’t blamed the other dog’s owner or even the dog that caused this because it happened so fast. i want to share my story because i need to release this and keep remain positive that life goes on and i need to accept and forgive my self because i feel responsible of my dog’s death. hopefully there are no dog owners will have the same experience like i did. 4 years i was living with my Nutella and i hope i can have more but destiny brought us to a different path. Rest in peace my dear nutella i hope i’ll see you again on our next life.

  • Jaime

    I lost my Aleister Two days ago. He was my chicken wiggles. Barely just turned a year old. He was a rescued Chihuahua/Yorkie mix. We pretty much found each other in a parking lot. I put flyers out on the web but no one ever claimed him. We fell in love with him instantly and made him a big part of our family. It all started on March 31st. when I notice Aleister wasn’t able to go pee properly. He kept straining to pee every 5-10 mins and would only let a little bit out at a time. I called the vet and they couldn’t see me till Monday (they were closed for Easter Sunday). I explained my dogs condition and they said “as long as he can pee he should be okay to wait. But if he can’t “go” at all then I need to take him to emergency”. Meanwhile, I looked the symptoms up on-line and found that he may have been suffering from a UTI. I decided to look up natural remedies to help relieve the symptoms. I started giving him apple cider vinegar and probiotic yogurt with wet food. On Monday morning i noticed he had pee’d a lot on his wee wee pad. Then he pee’d a lot more at the vet clinic. I thought my remedies were working! But I was glad to be at the vets to get professional advice. They gave Aleister his exam and asked me questions. They recommended a Urinalysis, x-rays, catheter, and ultrasound which came out to be $325. I let money get in the way of the decision I decided to make for Aleister. I asked them if we could just start with a urinalysis first. I didn’t specify that if he needed X-rays I would be willing to do that if it was absolutely necessary. They came back with his results from the urinalysis and said it was definitely a UTI. They also found crystals and blood in his urine. After that they told me about the antibiotics they would be giving him. I failed to ask any questions about the crystals. I assumed the antibiotics were going to take care of that as well. When we got home I gave Aleister his pain meds and his first dose of antibiotics. He got sleepy fast so I wrapped him up in my sweater and laid him down in bed. He slept throughout the night. I thought the meds were working! I gave him his second dose in the morning but something seemed different. Now he wasn’t able to pee more then a drop here and there. I thought maybe he needs more time for the antibiotics to kick in. He was peeing so well the day before so I was surprise to see him struggling even more while on antibiotics. He remained like that throughout the day. At night I started to worry about him. He seemed uncomfortable. I gave him his second dose and thought maybe that would do the trick. Around 5am i woke up to Aleister whimpering. I checked on him and notice no pee on his wee wee pad. No pee on his blanket. No pee at all! I became frantic and started panicking. I got up and got ready to take him to emergency because my vet didn’t open till 7:30a. By this point it was 6am. Both my vet and the emergency vet were 40 mins away. I asked myself if maybe I should wait just to take him to my vet. I called emergency for advice, they said I could wait since it’s about the same distance anyway. I made it to my vet 30 mins early and waited for them to open. I told them all about Aleister’s condition and felt it was an emergency and that he needed to be drained. The receptionist looked over at her computer and moved her mouse around and told me they didn’t have anything untill 9 o’clock. I panicked and said that Aleister couldn’t wait till then. They told me I had to go to the emergency clinic (the one I was originally going to take him too). The emergency clinic was 38 mins away from there. I started crying and panicking as I walk to my car because I knew Aleister didn’t have much time! I rushed him to emergency as fast as I could. The vets there didn’t make the matter urgent as they had me fill out paper work. Then they had to do an exam before anything else. Then in order to use a catheter to drain his urine they had to do x-rays and ultrasound. Then they wanted to explain the x-rays and ultrasound to me. By the time they finally took Aleister to drain him, it was too late. Aleister collapsed and his little heart stopped. They called me in and said “I’m sorry. We did everything we could but we couldn’t revive him”. I had a panick attack instantly. I kept asking them to save him. I kept asking them over and over “he died?! “He’s gone!? Are you sure!?”. I cried so hard and kept telling myself “wake up…wake up!” But this wasn’t a bad dream. It was reality. I’m in so much pain. I feel so much guilt. What if I did the X-rays on Monday? What if I asked more questions about the crystals and what they were exactly or what they can do to him!? What if I took him in Tuesday when I notice he wasn’t able to pee?! What if I never called emergency and just drove there first?! What if I yelled at the vet to see him NOW because he’s running out of time?! What if I told the emergency vet to drain him first and then explain things to me after!? I hate myself and feel that I’m the cause to Aleister’s death. His little life was in my hands and I failed him. He didn’t deserve this and it’s all my fault. I’ve been trying so hard to forgive myself, but I can’t. I just keep replaying it over and over in my head. All the things I should have done but I didn’t think to do. In the end it cost me $600 and my dogs life. I wish I could go back to Monday and have the X-rays done. What was I thinking? I love him so much and miss him terribly. Will I ever forgive myself? This pain is eating me up inside.

    • Stacey

      Omigosh, Jaime, my heart truly goes out to you. I know you think this was your fault, but you did the very best for Aleister with the information you had at the time. I would feel the same as you so I don’t take it lightly to tell you to please be kind to yourself because I KNOW it is easier said than done. I did the exact thing when my first dog passed – I listened to a regular vet & feel I should have taken her to emergency sooner – I didn’t know I didn’t need a referral any longer to go the vet school here – she passed after 5 days of hospitalization. That was nine years ago & though it’s gotten easier I still think of it. It WILL get easier. I can tell you this, it sounds as if it had only been a day that he had not urinated – I would consider this an emergency as you did but I wouldn’t have thought that he was at the point of that type of danger. And apparently the emergency staff didn’t either since they didn’t take him back right away. Don’t get me wrong, I would be furious with them as well – but I truly do believe that while an emergency no one saw it as life threatening just yet. You did everything right ti sounds like to me. I am so sincerely sorry for the loss of your friend. I recently lost another of my cats unexpectedly and no matter what happens I question every single thing I did. Just know you are not alone. And it will get easier, I promise. I hope you get this message and I truly hope each of us can find peace. Many blessings to you and Aleister.

      • Jamie

        Thank you for all your kind words and support. It has really been a struggle on so many levels. I have definitely sat with my pain and guilt of what I could have or should have done. It’s been a week today that Aleister passed away. I’ve processed a lot of what happened a week ago and made it a point to remind myself that Aleister felt so loved up to his last days here, and I continue to love him through the memories we had. He really did know how much i loved him and still do. I have some feelings of guilt, anger, and regret but I’m working through that because i know that I would have done all those things I regret differently if I only knew what the outcome would have been.

        The vets were not that informative or urgent with the situation. Now I know to always ask a million questions and to make sure I understand the situation better so I can then make the correct decision afterwards. And hopefully my story can help others. It’s so important to speak up for your furrbabies because they are unable to ask for themselves or tell you that they are sick. It was a hard lesson to learn, and I wish I didn’t have to lose Aleister in order to realize things.

        He will never be forgotten. And in time, my heart will heal. I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending you so much healing vibes 💓There is so much heartache when we lose our friends because they gave us so much unconditional love. Thank you again for reaching out. The support means so much. ❤️

  • Monique

    Toby

    Toby was a wonderful 10 lb Jack Russell that was incredibly smart and fun. For me, I don’t feel any guilt for the way I treated him- he had a wonderful life. I feel guilty for putting him to sleep.

    Three years ago- I was gardening in the yard and a man was walking by. He kicked Toby unconscious. I freaked out. I thought he killed Toby. I was so upset, I didn’t even think to call 911. I blame myself for not having Toby tied up in the yard. Toby, before that time was the most trusting (aren’t they all) dog out there. My nieces would love to swim with Toby, dive, play tug of war- you name it- toby would play it. That day, things changed. His ribs and back became very sore. Even worse, Toby stopped trusting people. He would lash out at everyone. Well most people. He trusted me. But how could I have a dog like that? I tolerated it for a year and a half but what if it escalated? It did. A week before he died.
    Toby was an amazing traveller. He was my emotional support animal. He helped me through everything. Rehab, migraines, several bouts of anorexia. Toby was always there for me. Until he wasn’t. I remember very well the day he took a swipe at me. He was scared. He didn’t know what was happening. He was angry. He sounded like a Sabre tooth Tigre – except he wasn’t stopping. And then he stopped. And he acted perfectly fine. Except – I finally noticed. He wasn’t getting up in furniture most times unaided. He was sleeping most days.

    The day we put Toby to rest (did I?)- I took him for his favourite activity. Normally he would swim all summer long. He lasted not even 10 minutes. But why do I feel as though I murdered my dog?

    While the vet was placing the second needle into Toby- “what a wonderful world” began to play on the radio. It’s weird. That’s the song that played (and that exact version) at my Dad’s funeral 3 years back. I couldn’t help but think he came to get Toby.

    Why do I feel so much pain?

  • Becks

    I shouted at my dog in her last moments to not leave. To wait for my Friend to arrive with the car to send her to the vet. I shouted at her to wait instead of holding her. Hugging her. T.T I couldn’t bear to hold her. I kinda knew it was the end but I handled it terribly. I’m scared I have made her exit from this world a very painful one. I can’t help but think I’m evil. Help 🙁 I regret the way I handled everything..
    I was the only one at home to be with her yet I didn’t make it easy for her

    • Katarina

      I feel for you. I know your dog felt your love and that counts the most. I lost my dog yesterday dying at home and i kind of did the same. Kept saying its ok Ruthless, its ok Rutless while he was taking his last breathes.

  • Emma

    Hi guys, I feel for each and every one of you. I am 36weeks pregnant and last Thursday I had to put my beautiful fur baby Mitzy to sleep. On Tuesday she was her usual self a vibrant 6year old that demanded all my love and attention which I was only more than happy to give. I planned my life and the arrival of our precious bundle around her. On weds I noticed she was not herself as I have a lot of complications I have to rest a lot so Mitzy was always up for a snuggle in bed with me but she didn’t seem to want to move. I took her to the vet straight away and she had some shots and vet said she could keep her over night and scan her in the morning. I was being admitted to hospital early Thursday morning so I knew I wouldn’t see her and my brother offered to take her Thursday. She looked frighten so the vet agreed that I could take her home. I got a call on Thursday morning to say Mitzy had closed Pyometra and was too frail and small to make it through surgery and my brother agreed with the vet to put her to sleep. I wasn’t there with my poor princess to hold and kiss her I knew weds night I was losing her so we snuggled the whole night as we did every night in my bed. Mitzy was my whole life and I loved her more than anything. I need her and would give anything to go back. This devastation has really hit everyone who knows me as they all loved her. The guilt I feel that she thinks her mammy wasn’t with her when she needed me most. The thoughts of her missing me those 3 hrs without me. I can’t accept I won’t see her again and because I had plans in place to her include her with everything for the new arrival it makes it even harder. Little Mitzy was a beautiful teacup Yorkie only 6years old and a special personality that was almost too good to be true. I miss my wee angel and have not stopped crying for her.

  • Abby

    I lost my beloved 11.5 year old Yorkie this morning. Karly came into my life when she was just 7 weeks old and the size of my palm. I had just suffered my first pregnancy loss and was dealing with immense sadness. She filled a hole in my heart that I thought would never be healed. I’ve never known a loyalty like hers. She hated being anywhere I wasn’t, even if it was just the bathroom. She’d wait by every door as if I had left her for days. We were her whole world. She was just diagnosed with Cushing’s Disease a few days ago and had started her medications which I believe killed her. I held her while she gasped for breaths after losing all control of her body. I feel like had I looked into this drug further, I would’ve known her dosage was too high. I don’t know how I’ll be able to forgive myself. She trusted me to care for her and I failed her. And now she’s gone. My heart is shattered.

    • Olga

      Hi there. I’m so sorry for your loss. I search the internet every night hoping to find a similar story to mine. It may sound crazy but I feel if someone made the same mistake I did then I won’t feels so bad. My story is a bit different but cushings related. I had a Pom who had cushings diagnosed at 14 years old. He hated going to the vet. The day he stayed all day to get tested for cushings took a huge toll on him. He came home even worse from the stress of being at the vet. He was on medication for 1.5 years… I missed a few appointments cause he seemed well and I didn’t want to stress him with a trip to the vet. I dint want to make my story too long but I want u to know that cushings is s horrible disease… in sure u know that now. I also did not research much prior to his death. But he crashed one day and I took him too emergency and vet said his BUN were off the charts. His pancreas liver and kidneys were imflammed… I decided to let him go… now I think he was in ADDISON crisis and could have been saved. Even if your baby was in the right dosage cushings can bring on other illnesses like pancreatitis and liver disease… maybe his battle with cushings would have been aweful and he was spared the ugliness and suffering. I have so much guilt… my boy was 15.5 even though that’s a long time I feel I robbed him of at least 6 months to a year or so. Put him down October 21 2017. I’m still struggling with guilt but doing better every day. I had to see a therapist. If u ever need to talk u can call or text me. I’m in Houston tx 281851 9495. My name is Olga.

  • Mimi

    I got a dog when it was about 2 months old. It was a Siberian Husky. I loved him ever since I got him. He was very special to me. But my parents couldn’t handle his poop and pee so they were trying to send him back. But I wasn’t letting him go. He was about 3 months then. After a while, we desited that we couldn’t look after him the way he deserved so we thought it was best for him to let go. We gave him to a pet shop. After 2 weeks, we diverted to visit him and see if he got a new owner. Apparently he didn’t. And he was looking all slim and depressed and had no power to move at all. He was all trapped in a cage and was not let out once. We were so sorry for him and decided to get him back. When we did, he didn’t even eat dog food. He would only eat human food. We guessed that the owner of that store gave him human food (leftovers) , since dog food was expensive. They was starving them! And at home, when he would poop, his poop would be all liquidy and red. We sent him to a hospital and apparently, he caught a disease. It was easy for him to catch one because he had only 1 vaccine. Then, our cousin wanted him, who basically lived a frigging state away. Plus, there wasn’t anyone who was interested in him so we gave him to our cousins. And since they lived in the countryside, but over there, it was like a place where like poor poor people lived in. Since our country crappy, our dog traveled by a bus. Yes a frigging bus.
    After a week or so, they sent him back to us cuz the hospital over there couldn’t heal him. He was in a much much more worse state. I knew that I would regret sending him there after only a few days for him to stay at our house and go there when he wasn’t fully consouis.
    We sent him to a hospital and didn’t hear anything back. Since it was really really far away, we couldn’t visit him.
    After a while, (this is the worst part) I started to feel like it was better for him to just die. I thought he was a waste of space. I didn’t care about him even if he died. He was in a terrible looking state anyway.
    Then there was a day when my parents told me that he went to sleep. I cried. I didn’t know that he meant so much to me.
    I am ashamed of myself for wanting him to die. I am ashamed of not visiting him. I am ashamed of myself for letting him go.
    Goodbye Cole

    • Sungazelle

      Oh My God this was not your fault!!! The feelings you had were because you felt SO HELPLESS to do anything!!! But you did the best you could. You were the one beam of love and light in his life!! Please forgive yourself.

  • Ellys Cartin

    My baby girl was killed by a truck that came speeding down our neighborhood road and didn’t slow down. The driver only honked then ran right over the top of her. I wasn’t home, but some of my family were home and they were just letting her wander around outside. I’m so mad at them but I won’t show it because they are so horribly sad and they keep crying over and over. We took her to be cremated and we carried her in her doggie bed. And we miss her so much. And I just told myself over and over that it had to just be a terrible dream. But my little brother and sister and my mom keep crying. And it’s not a dream. She was only 6 years old. And she took care of my mom when she was really sick and comforted her and never left her side. And even though I know for sure there was nothing I could have done because I was at work…it makes me sick to my stomach. And I want to find the person that did this to her and I want to destroy them. And I keep hearing my family talk about how they found her. They heard her scream. And they went outside and she was right there only a foot from the sidewalk. A neighbor carried her to the grass. They said she wagged her tail one time and then she didn’t move anymore. And I don’t know how we will ever feel better.

  • Mike

    My dog was seven,just three months short of his eight Birthday,which I would always dress him up for and take pics.His name was Ellie.He Was my whole world.My everything.My whole life revolved around him.His back legs were getting weak and the vet told me had a slipped disc and after x-rays he had received an injury.He was on painkillers.I drank a lot most weekends and I hung with a toxic person who wasn’t good for me.I remember once I had a broken finger for a while.I went about seeking to get an operation to see if Ellie’s leg’s would get better but the vet said that while Ellie was walking some,it would be best to keep him on painkillers.I remember reading once that he would have to be put down if it got worse,i was scared.Then eight months later,my worst nightmare,he collapsed and i rushed him to an emergency vet.They treated him and I brought him home.I had the toxic person out of my life a year by now.Next day Ellie totally collapsed,he wasn’t eating and I rushed him straight back in,kept him overnight to be collected next morning and brought to a vet out of town to be operated on.I thought back to a night with the toxic person when Ellie was licking the toxic person’s scabby feet and infuriated I poked him to stop,he yelped but I thought nothing more of it.Until now,did I cause the injury that caused his death?Did I break my finger on his back?The operation seemed to go okay.I was death warmed up ringing while he was in recovery and them telling me on phone he still wasn’t eating or standing.I told them give him chicken and it worked.I was thinking about his headstone for his grave.I picked him up from the vet after the operation,the stitches looked horrific and he stank.I arranged with them for Ellie to do hydrotherapy.When I read the form at the vet and it said a dogs injury could be so bad he may never walk and their was always wheels.I said to vet their was no chance for Ellie.I was pulling Ellie around on a luggage bag with wheels for months going to hydrotherapy and doing physiotherapy at home.The lady at hydro said he was a small dog with s big heart,he had a lovely soul.I collapsed on the floor out their once,saying I was terrified.I hadn’t drank in a year.Then the vet told me stop hydro and physiotherapy,the bottom fell out of my world,i feared the worst.I had even got him a paddling pool which I was putting him in to get him too walk.He was taking steps,i thought he would walk again.When he had good days I was in heaven,when he wasn’t doing so good I was like death.I found a white feather in his bed! I thought it was an angel telling me he would walk again.Then the vet gave me a look that it was time.So nine months ago it was the worst day of my life.Absolutley devastating.Iv cried every day since including tonight,hence googling I caused my dogs death.Im destroyed with guilt that l cut his life short.I feel a bit better reading this article,before that I was suicidal.Thinking I will take this to the grave with me.I miss him and Want him back so much.He was my rock.I can’t help but think I did that to his back,causing the injury that resulted in a long so painful death.Of painkillers at five and put to sleep at seven and it’s all my fault.My mother was violent to us when we were young,my father was never around and gave her hell.Iv no excuse for what I did.I never hit or physically abused Ellie,just that night when I poked him,taking my anger of the toxic person,(Paul by the way,)out on Ellie and it was enough to send him into decline.

    • Nika

      Hi Mike, just wanted to say that it will get better with time. Im sure you didn’t cause Ellies problem it seems like he started to have problems way before you poked him. Sometimes wedont really know what exactly is wrong with our pup and sometimes even vets dont. I recently lost my 5 year old baby too and i feel so much grief and guilt as well. My pup had breathing problems because of a bronchitis (bulldog common issue) and nose holes being too small however we didnt know her problems were caused possibly by that then she developed infections which kept coming back and last time antibiotics didnt help anymore and she collapsed first time we took her to emergency where vet said she probably has some nervous problem. I knew it wasn’t that but since im not vet i could diagnose her,I asked my vet if she should have the surgery done for breathing because bronchitis but he said he doesnt recommend it that its risky.month later same thing happened she lost breath and didnt wake up anymore. I feel very guilty that I should have her get the surgery so she would breath better and would possibly live much longer. I miss her so much i feel so depressed i cant even be around my frends because im no fun anymore and everyone irritates me. I just wana stay home amd be alone. But i know this is not right. I hope my baby forgives me. Deep down i think she did she loves me just as Ellie loves you. They dont want us to be sad. Hugs

  • Scott

    My wife and I rescued AJ a 3 year old chocolate lab 5 years ago. He came to us very depressed and sick. We nursed him back to health and he became an incredibly loving and happy go lucky dog. Because he was so tender with his loving actions he immediately became our little baby boy. We loved that dog every day like it was his last. I always worried about him because he was so sensitive and loving and I knew I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to him undrrr my watch. About a month ago he was throwing up and had diarea. I brought him to vet and after many tests they only found he had a tick born disease I never heard of, plus he did have lyme disease as well. They gave him meds for the throwing up etc and a round of atibiotics for 30 days. He recovered nicely and had no problems until I started noticing his poop was very dark (black colored), he showed no other signs so I figured he had a sensetive stomach. I figured that I would give him a chance to recover on his own from the dark stool issue especially because he did get sick recently and i ran out of his regular food and gave him some of my other dogs food one day which game him very soft stool almost runny. He recovered quickly with his regular food but shortly after the poop started getting darker. Finally, one morning he wasn’t interested in his food but did eat half a bowl later that day, next day (sunday) he would only eat alittle from our hand but did take treats. Also, I could see he wasn’t himself because he would run after the ball, which was his love, but walk back. Told my wife I was taking him to vet in the morning if he didnt want to eat. I didn’t get the chance because he died in his sleep in bed with us that night. I am writing my story because I can’t stop thinking constantly that I should have looked more into the black stool issue and would have brought him in sooner if I did. I feel soooooo guilty that I did my poor baby boy wrong. Yes he was treated like a king and we saved his life to begin with but I can’t stop beating myself up about it. I am the type that thinks the worst and look up everything online and diagnose everything myself so it hurts so bad that I didnt in this case. I have been just sick about it, I loved that dog so much it hurt. People say there is no way you could have known but In my mind that is 100% not true. My only solice has been that he went through so much pain during his first 3 years I couldn’t bear to see him have to go through the fear and pain of surgery only to temporarily fix his problem, and that he passed so peacefully with us we didnt have to put him through any more pain. I am afraid to look into the possible cause of death because I will ignore everything except the things it could have been that bringing him in earlier could have easily fixed. My wife has been a big support for me but I hate that she has to worry about me when she loved AJ more than life itself. Anyway, if anyone has any words that can help I would appreciate it. He was 8 years young btw.

    • suzye

      Hello Scott,

      So sorry for your loss. I know how you feel as i lost my baby – 17 year old bichon – 2 weeks ago – but things you said are similar to myself. I took my dogs (he was the older) religiously to the vet for everything including once a scab on his face from a scratch. My bichon had many medical issues throughout his life – nothing life threatening – but we were always in the vets office. As he got older, I dont know what was I thinking, but I didnt take him for every little thing anymore. Maybe I got to comfortable with the prior visits over 17 years being nothing ??? Still took him for his 1/2 yearly visits. But he started to slow down, looked like his vision was going, didn’t respond anymore to us calling him, maybe going deaf, his behavior changed so much over time, but we just fluffed it off to age – he was eating after all, so nothing too much could be wrong. And as long as he was eating, even if he was sleeping 20 hours a day – again we just said it was age. Until he started to lose weight rapidly and began to eat less – and then we took him – but by now we knew a 17 year old dog with rapid weight loss, and his overall decline – this was the end. We dont blame ourselves – we took good care of him – probably there was nothing we could do. You should not blame yourself either. The funny thing is that many pet owners do the same thing – we let go a lot of things as long as they are eating. As soon as they stop – that signals the alarms. If everything else was OK with him – how could you know something was so wrong??? Please dont blame yourself – focus on the good times – look at pictures of the two of you together (that helped me a lot), joining a pet loss online forum also helped a lot, and know that he was loved by you and your wife and had a great life.

  • Sara

    This just happened yesterday (2/21/18). I was cleaning my car out while my kids who are 3 & 1 were playing in the yard. I don’t have a vacuum so I was sweeping the dirt out of my car the best I could. I had been walking around my car for about 30 minutes and didnt notice that my three month old puppy Mya was taking a nap under there. I told the kids to get in the car because I was going to move it back just a couple feet to wash it with the water hose. It would only take less than a minute to check under the car but I didn’t since I had been by it for 30 minutes. I started up the car and backed up a few feet. When I backed up I saw my puppy in front of the car jumping around. The way she was jumping I thought aww her and my other dog must be playing. I go and wash my car, And then go back up to my porch to get something to clean my headlights with. That’s when I saw her. Laying there, eyes half open, not moving at all. I called her name, no reaction. I immediately called my fiance who was working at his dad’s house and started freaking out. I screamed and cried the whole way to get him. I kept saying my baby my baby noooooo. This is the first morning we all had to wake up with out her here and it’s the worst thing ive ever felt on my whole life. My fiance and I both blame ourselves because he was thinking about taking her with him, and me for being careless and not taking the time to see where she was. Not being there to hold her and comforter as she passed away. It is comforting to know that these things happen to many people. I want to thank everyone for sharing. It really helps me feel not so alone in this very heart breaking time of my life.

    • Ellys Cartin

      I’m so sorry for your loss, Sara. I know that I’ve replayed the day I lost my baby hundreds of times in my mind, even though I know I can’t change anything. All I can do is cherish her memory and try to be better for her.

  • Shellie

    we had a seven yr old Bichon Frise. She was a sweet, loving, witty, spunky, gentle soul. She was a real mamas girl for sure. When we first got her at 8weeks old she potty trained very quickly, I think with the help of our cocker. As time went on we noticed she would sometimes throw up clear foamy liquid so I took her to the vet several times and they just kept saying it was GI upset. Then we started noticing that if she held her potty too long she would throw up and go potty and she was fine again. Vet didn’t believe me until it happened in her office one day then she believed me. We have a cat too and we didn’t want the dogs getting into cat food so we put a cat door on the laundry room door so the cat could jump thru and get to her food when needed. The Bichon was way too small to get in and the cocker was way too big. Eventually the Bichon was big enough to get thru but it took a while before we discovered she was getting in there. We tried different things to keep her out and it worked for the most part but once in a great while she’d sneak in there if someone left the door open or something. We did try to keep her out of there once the vet told us cat food wasn’t good for her. That was all the vet told me about it. Valentine’s Day we came home and as usual we were greeted at the door by a happy, excited, smiling white ball of fluff, always so excited to see us. She played that day, was happy, ate well, pottied well, nothing out of the norm. The next morning she threw up and had diarrhea. She would get GI upset even though we were keeping her out of cat food. I thought it was GI upset again but this time I took her in again, most of the time she would only have an upset tummy for a short time. I took her to ER, they gave her fluids, antibiotics and acid reflux medicine. They wanted to do X-rays this time but their machine was down. They did blood work and said everything looked perfectly fine. Vet said she should be better by morning, if she’s not then get her into your vet and have them do X-rays. I was relieved it was GI upset and nothing more serious. The next morning she was not better, I called my vet ( I have been taking my pets there for 15 yrs) she had a copy of the ER report and I told her I needed to bring my dog in for X-rays. She didn’t feel X-rays were necessary, I was mad about that, she said it’s just gi upset and she wanted to give her some pain meds. I went and got pain meds came home and gave them to her. A little while later she was still in distress, I called my vet back and told her and asked if I could bring my dog in, she said no, I will prescribe a new pain med. at this point I’m furious!! My husband and I immediately scooped up our dog and drove her back to ER which was 50 miles away. When we got there they thought it might be pancreatitis and admitted her. I called when we got home to check on her and they said she was resting peacefully and said she would do good with meds. When I got up in the morning I called ER vet and they said they did an ultra sound on her and the vet will call me in a few. He called and told me that my little girl was critical and that she had severe gall bladder disease and that it was so bad they didn’t think she’d make it even if they did surgery. I was in shock because they told me the night before that she could come home the next day. The surgery would be $7000.00 to begin with and we had just spent $3,000.00 in the two days before. They recommended euthanization since she was so sick. We felt like we had been smashed upside the head, didn’t see it coming since her GI upset was treated like it was ok. I think I knew in the back of my mind that no dog should be doing that but I accepted what the vets had told me, I should’ve insisted more that they looked into why she was having gi upset most of her life, I cannot understand how a dog can be so happy and bubbly one day and fighting for her life the next. I can’t help but think that the cat food led to her death even though she hadn’t been in it for a long time. Nobody has told me that but I feel like that. Why didn’t they say that cat food is lethal to dogs? Why didn’t I take better precautions to make sure she never snuck another kibblet.
    I feel so so guilty, devastated, can’t stop crying, missing her so so much and feeling like I didn’t protect her. Vet said gall bladder disease was likely genetic but I know they would never say anything to make you feel bad. I took her to the vet so many times during her short 7 yr life but still feel like I didn’t do enough to protect her. The guilt is horrifying, but watching her die was the worst thing EVER! I loved that little girl so much and I miss her horribly. She was put to sleep Saturday Feb. 17, 2018. I will never forgive myself for not insisting on further testing and feeling so guilty wondering if the times she did get into the cat food made her die. I have been crying since she first got sick and completely lost it when they injected her, I had my hands on her as she laid on their sofa and the last words she heard was me saying I love her. Everything at home is a constant reminder of her. She was just by my side always. I never boarded her if we had to go out of town because I didn’t want her to feel scared, my daughter would come stay at my house and babysit her. She was spoiled but how could I miss this and did that cat food lead to her death? I was up all night last night with my blind cocker as she was pacing around the house and wanting outside but not pottying, but probably looking for her companion and guide. Now my cocker is grieving the loss and refusing to eat. I feel horrible and feel she was too young

    • suzye

      Hi Shellie,
      I feel your pain. One Feb 12 , just 10 short days ago, I had to euthanize my 17 year old bichon. Even though he was quite old for a dog, and it was the right thing for him to do, it has been a horrible experience.

      He was our “family” dog – we got him at 9 weeks old as a family (mom, dad, sister, me) but we were all adults living in separate homes, so he got to spend time with each of us in our homes so we can all LOVE him. He was our first dog for each of us. He was treated like a baby, best food (home cooked), toys, beds, attention. We lived within walking distance so everyone saw him almost every day.

      There were bumps in the road – poor breeding brought on horrific allergies that could not be controlled by meds, behavior issues (he was trained twice but it didnt really help), and a host of sensitive tummy issues (thus the home cooking). Knee surgery at 7 years old also took it’s toll on him. He saw his vet so much. But to us he was very affectionate and loving and we realized any issue he had was not his fault.

      At about 11/12 years old his behavior really changed. He began to bark/cry all night and sleep during the day. Another trip to the vet, and the possible diagnosis of the start of senility/dementia. At this time it was decided that he would live in my parents home since they were more able to care for him (both retired as opposed to my household where my husband & kids needed to sleep at night & we have a tiny apartment so now a lot of room to silence the barking). But my parents were in my building so I continued to see him. Medication didnt really help and there were periods of this for the rest of his life. It was at this time too that he went from going outside to strictly staying inside as walking on a leash became impossible for us and torture for him as all he wanted to do was chew on himself. Which brought on the need to have him wear an e-collar for a good part of his life. Someone told me that these issues are very common with bichons which made me feel better at the time ( that it wasnt just him but probably poor breeding).

      Fast forward 11 months ago, my mom moved to my sibling and so I didnt see him everyday anymore – a few times a month. But the change was fast – he slept like 20 hours a day, just walked aimlessly, started to lose his eyesight, hearing, he would get lost in the home he once ran fee in, stopped coming to greet anyone at the door, etc…. The last 3 weeks of his life he just slept, lost half his body weight, and had a wound that didnt heal.

      I understand your pain, and maybe guilt over this whole thing. While everyones guilt is different – I dont think there was anything we could do, he had medical issues for his life, we gave him everything we could and he did live to 17 – my guilt is more of there were times I said no to him in his life when he asked for that extra treat, there were times I said no if he wanted to come on my lap at an inconvenient time, there were times I said no when I walked in my home after a hard day and he wanted to jump on me, did I even hold him close to me??? did i ever really hug him??? as he got older the groomer was too stressful for him so I did it myself, but I could not do his nails and so they didnt get done as often as they should have and I am guilty about allowing him to walk on his long nails (someone else in some comment section I read had this guilt too about their dogs nails) it was all becoming a blur – guilt guilt guilt….. then something wonderful happened – my husband found on an old computer with literally 1,000 pictures documenting my life with my dog through the years – and there he was sitting on my lap, pictures of me walking him in the snow, hugging him, holding him, and I truly looked happy, so did he, even if he had is e-collar on. I can tell you that pet loss online support groups helped a lot. Someone in that group told me that grieving brings on guilt and if there was no real guilt (i am not guilty about anything I did to cause his death) then I have invented guilt to help me grieve (the invented – guilt of not spending time with him, making him miserable, etc….)

      The bottom line is that you are NOT alone – we all have grief and feel guilt at this time – but I think after a few days you will rationalize it is not your fault what happened to your dog – and that you are a wonderful pet owner. Focus on the good you did for your dog, and the good times you had with your dog – look at pictures like I did – that helped me so much. Someone else said in a comment section we are only human – we make mistakes – didnt your dog make mistakes – maybe a mess in the house, broke something, snapped, whatever…..you forgave him and still loved him. That comment helped too. Also the online pet loss groups / chat rooms helped. These are experienced hosts moderating the rooms and they show you and make you realize that you are a good pet parent. Your grief and guilt alone showed how much you cared.

      Blessings to you.

  • Margaret

    I feel so empty, lonely and guilty without my beloved dog. I got Baily when he was 2-1/2 years old and made a most difficult decision to euthanize him on January 6, 2018 (three weeks short of his 17th birthday). Baily was my best friend who loved me unconditionally, was faithful, loyal, devoted and always by my side through thick and thin. He was a dachshund that had back problems at the age of 5, abscess teeth (4 teeth removed) at 8, eye issues at 11 that was misdiagnosed. Baily’s right eye was enlarged and the vet said it was an infection, the medications didn’t work. Then, she said it was cataracts, the eye keep getting bigger and bigger and bulging. This went on for a couple of years and his eye was bulging. I changed vets and found out he had cancer. The vet suggested I have him euthanized due to the fact that he had lived to his life span of age 14 or have the eye removed. I said Baily was still active and opted to have his eye removed to relieve the pressure. Baily survived the surgery although I was warned that he may not make it due to his age. He recovered and we resumed life as usual. Through all these medical issues, Baily suffered longer than necessary because I didn’t know he had these problems until he cried in pain because he couldn’t walk, he was having difficulty eating, and his eye was so distorted that I no longer trusted his vet and finally changed doctors. His left eye developed cataracts and he really couldn’t see the last year of his life. Everything startled him and he would run into things, didn’t feel comfortable going out and would mainly just eat and sleep. His back legs and hips started to not work too well and in November, he started being a picky eater. I bought him lots of different brands of dog foods to encourage him to eat, but he was very selective. He favored the wet foods, but I only gave him a big tablespoon along with his dry food. I was concerned with his anal glands and him getting diarrhea. Christmas Eve, Baily had a really rough night and couldn’t get comfortable, was panting and stayed up all night. I was at my Mom’s and started researching for local euthanasia places. The next day, he slept and appeared better. I returned home a couple of days later and we resumed our usual routine. We both would get up, eat breakfast together, he would rest and I would work, shop or run errands, have lunch together, he would rest and I would be busy, same with dinner. I would carry him out periodically to let him relieve himself and after dinner and dishes would sit in the same room with him to keep him company. Then I would carry him to my bed for the night. He seemed fine for six days and I guess I was in denial that the end was near. I continued to not overfeed him and watched how much of his favorite foods I gave him so that he wouldn’t have the runs. Friday night, at 10 PM, the UPS man rang the doorbell and banged loudly at the door several times and upset Baily. Baily and I were in the living room and he kept barking. Normally, I would have gone to him and told him it was alright, but I didn’t that night. I was upset with my husband because he kept shopping online and here was another package and it disturbed Baily. Baily eventually calmed down and we went to bed at 11 PM. At 2 AM, he awoken and wanted off the bed. I thougtht he had to go out and proceeded to carry him out to the back yard. He roamed aimlessly and was really uncomfortable. I was finally able to get him to come back in but he was out of sorts. He refused his treat, unable to get comfortable, couldn’t get pain meds into him and tried rubbing some on his gums. He settled down, and I went and soak in the tub. When I returned, I could tell he wasn’t comfortable and cried when I tried to touch him. He was in alot of pain and just stared at me. I couldn’t bear to see him hurt as much as he did on Christmas eve and told my husband we had to take him in. At 7AM, I told Baily we had to go. He didn’t cry when I picked him up and was figgety in the car. When I was holding him on the couch, I could feel his whole body relax as I was stroking his back. When I had to lift him onto the table, I felt a bit of resistance. Then, he calmed down while I held him and petted him. The first shot must have hurt as he immediately sat up. I told him it was okay while I was hugging him and he laid back down. The technician said she was ready for the 2nd shot, but I requested a moment longer. I held Baily and snuggled his neck when he went peacefully. Baily is at peace and no longer in pain. Baily and I comforted each other.
    I feel so guilty about so much now that Baily is no longer here. I feel as if I took him for granted. He was always by my side, looking for me and wanting attention and I was always so busy. He would not have had to suffer so long if I had seek medication attention sooner for him. I had a whole cabinet of treats, canned dog food and dry food that I donated after Baily passed. Why didn’t I feed it to him knowing how much he enjoyed eating? Why did I allow him not to eat what he wanted when he was hungry only to donate it when he was gone? Why didn’t I reassure him everything was okay when the UPS man banged on the door and upset him. I can’t stop thinking about all this. Baily was always there for me and loved me unconditionally. I didn’t realize what a presence he was until he was no longer here. I feel so empty, lonely and guilty with him. I miss him so much, it’s sometimes unbearable. He was more than a dog; he was my best friend. We would comfort each other when needed. I even second guess myself about euthanizing him. If only I tried harder to give him more pain meds, he would still be with me a little longer. But then, I’ve also come to believe that Baily was probably always in some degree of pain. We only really noticed it when he would cry when touched. So, maybe I waited too long.
    I feel so miserable that I was not a good mother to Baily and he was so good to me. If only love could bring him back and keep him alive. I would want Baily to live forever.
    My apologies for this long rant and all, but I just needed to share my (guilt) feelings. I also feel very selfish that I miss Baily so much. Thank you very much for your blog and time in reading this.

    • Sally

      You have nothing to feel guilty about, your dog was loved and cherished, and you did what you thought was right at the time.
      If we all had hindsight we would be geniuses, I gave my dog a chew and he choked to death in front of me, at first I wanted to die myself and even now am choked, but I loved him so dearly and miss him everyday.
      There are dogs out there who are not loved and dumped when they become ill, you did not do this and loved your dog to the end.
      Be gentle with yourself in time the pain will heal x

      • Margaret

        Thank you for your kind words Sally. I just miss and love him so much! I am sooo thankful that Baily was able to share almost 15 years of his life with me. He made me a better person for it and I am forever grateful to him. His absence has left a void and emptyness in me that is unbearable. I wonder around lost and longing for his presence. I talk to Baily constantly as if he were still here and have pictures of him everywhere. He was my best friend and I’ll forever remember him for his love, loyalty, friendship, antics and devotion. Sally…I’m so sorry for your loss too. May you too have loving memories of your beloved dog. Warm hugs.

    • Sally

      You are welcome, I have good and bad days today has been a bad day. Bert only died two weeks ago and at the moment it is still really raw but reading other people’s stories has helped me to understand I am not the only person who makes mistakes if I could turn the clock back I would, he was my best friend when you have opened your heart to a dog you understand what true love is.

  • jackie stevens

    My family lost the best friend we ever had and it is all our faults. King was the most beautiful, loving, king, loyal, human dog I ever knew. He loved his family so much and we loved him more than words can say. Well he is gone as of yesterday and I can barely function. I blame myself more than anything. he was a beautiful rottweiler, would of been 2 years old on the 31st. Well he was my daughters dog and she was having lots of problems at home with her kids and no one would help out with him so I took him in and my husband and I just fell in love totally and completely with him, I have an older dog that dont like others and was jealous at first, but then they became best friends and loved each other too. well my granddaughter decided to get a puppy and it ended up with parvo, and King was subjected to the germs and parvo is the most hideous desease ever!!! he got exposed and got sick, I didnt even think that at first, I just thought he was sick with diarrhea and vomiting and made an appt at the vet the next day. He went downhill so fast, when I got up in the morning there was blood all over and I could not find him, then he was in back bedroom laying on clothes. this was at 4 am in the morning. he was very weak but managed to get himself up and go outside. I got him to the vet as soon as they opened, they suspected parvo right away and said those breeds are more susceptible to it. also the fact the people that she got him from lied about his shots. but we also hadnt got him shots since we got him, so I am sick to my core over it. I left him at the vet hoping and praying he would recover, the vet said he was gravely ill but you never know. I kissed him and hugged him and told him how much we all love him and left him there to get well, not improving much in 2 days, but a tiny bit. I was going to go see him on 3 day and at 7 am received the horrific call that he passed.I beyond sick and heartbroken and guilty that I didnt go see him because I truly believed in my heart he would come home soon and was letting him get the help he needed. boy was I wrong. he was the best most fun and loving dog I have ever had, and I have had many in my life. he was kind and just wanted to please us. and he did every single day. he loved watching dogs on tv and videos and would just look at us with those beautiful big eyes with so much love . laid on his back sleeping with his paws straight up in the air. and my other dog loved him and was so good for him, made him more perky and they played constantly with balls and ropes and I could go on and on about what a great dog he was cuz he was, but I am mostly sick because he died alone in a cage , in pain and I didnt get to see him one last time to make sure he knew I didnt just leave him and forget him. I cant stop crying and dont know how I will get over this. If I had made sure he was up to date on his shots, he would be here right now. or if my granddaughter never got the new puppy he would be here, on and on I could go. we are all sickened and so sad and upset right now and we all blame ourselves. I hate myself cuz I know better and I consider myself to be a good and responsible pet owner, but I failed one of the best dogs ever!!! even though he was my daughters dog, he was living with us , so therefore I should of made sure he was vaccinated up to date . there is a void in my heart and an emptiness that is almost unbearable to live with, I dont know how I will get over this because he truly was the best!! had the best personality of any dog I ever had. he didnt deserve this at all, he deserved to live a long , fun healthy life. and it was cut so short because of me. He is so missed cuz he was just the best and acknowledged everyone and everything all the time, he showed appreciation for everything you did for him, he seemed almost human like and his eyes would look at you like he truly knew what you were saying to him and understood. I know he knew how loved he was , but I just cant get over the fact he was alone and I was going to see him that day. I hope he didnt die of a broken heart on top of the horrific disease. please everyone, get your pets their shots, cuz I am living proof that without them, you can and might loose a very special part of your life. If I could just see him one last time and tell him how sorry I am and if I could do it over I would in a heartbeat. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH KING!!! you will always be my hero boy. Life will never be the same without you. have fun in doggie heaven with all your brothers and sisters. LOVE YOU TO PIECES!!! I am so so sorry I failed you.

    • Nano

      Chin up, my puppy also passed away and I also blamed my self for it. We also did not have her up to date on shots. We had her for 13 years every place we went to she came with us,even when we left the country and enter back she was with us. But, as we grew older we all focused on other things work,school,relationships. She’d give more love than the once’s she’d received. All ways so happy to see you. But never the less a person once’s told me.
      Take hold of that pain and rederect toards your life.
      And those that truly matters.

  • Yelena

    Our dog Lydia died on Thursday after eating my daughters birthday chocolate cake. We’ve had our Springer Spaniel Lydia for 11.5 years. We got her from Humane Society when she was 1.5 years old. Our daughter persuaded us to get a dog. We had some experience with pets as kids and were reluctant to take on the responsibility. Lydia was a kind, beautiful dog. She was great to have around. At the same time she was a handful: she used to run away, pull on a leash, bark at all passing dogs. I had a baby a year after we got her on top of two kids and two full time jobs and we were resenting the need to take care of her. One of us also had to walk her rain or shine, we did it 2 times a day for 10 years. It gets very cold where we live and right before her death it was -3 in the morning . She had ITP, low platelets, and needed prednisone for 3 months when she was 7. She developed urinary incontinence at about 8 years of age, our house smelled like urine, vet put her on estrogen replacement and the frequency of the accidents went down. She also liked to counter surfe and though she was getting older we knew not to leave food within her reach. Over the years she has eaten everything, including boxes of chocolates hidden in a credenza that she managed to open. About once a week she would get a hold of some food not intended for her. The day before her death was my daughters 9 th birthday and we bought a dark chocolate cake. Half of it was left after the party. The box said do not refrigerate and we left the box on a counter. It was too big to fit in a fridge. We all left for work and school around 8 am. When my daughter got home at 4 pm she noticed cake all over the kitchen, most of it was gone. Lydia was restless asking to go out. When she went out she vomited. My daughter called me but I was too busy at work to care. She called my husband but he also had other responsibilities. I came home around 6 to find a messy house with cake crumbs all over and a smell of vomit. I was angry. Lydia seemed ok, she asked to go outside. She was out for 10 minutes when I called her in. My daughter said, let’s take her to the vet. I said that I was tired of this dog and wouldn’t give a damn if she died. Lydia was sitting in the mud room by the kitchen. A minute later she seized and stopped breathing. I tried to massage her heart but she was gone.

    It has been 3 painful days since her death. We are not functional. She left such a huge void in our lives. With all the hustle and bustle, all the responsibilities
    , we didn’t realize how much her presence in our lives meant to us. Without her the house is empty. My kids grew up with her around. We enjoyed the walks we took with her. She was the most positive member of our family. On top of feeling the pain of our loss, I feel tremendous all consuming guilt for not coming home sooner and rushing her to the vet and for saying the words I said to her. I don’t know what to do to ease the overwhelming grief and guilt.

  • Juliette

    Everyone’s comments are so comforting. I’ve been crying the past several hours, feeling guilty and missing my dog, Princess. We adopted Princess theee years ago. She was a great rescue dog, so sweet and a runner. Maybe that’s how she became a rescue. I live in a safe neighborhood with a fenced back yard. The back yard fence is aging and Princess found many ways to break And have some fun. She would always come back- looking as happy as could be.
    Earlier tonight she wouldnt go potty when we took her outside on a leash. Then right after being outside, she pooped on the kitchen floor. I was tired and frustrated, at the end of a long day. I put Princess’s nose near the poop, said no and put her outside. In the back of my mind I was thinking she could break out. But, she always came back. And maybe she just needed some free time.
    An hour passed and she wasn’t back. It was almost 11 and I felt like something might be wrong. I started calling her name and then I heard… the coyotes. There are coyotes on a nearby golf course. All I could think of was that’s Princess… and Coyotes are chasing her. I rushed into some slippers and walked around the neighborhood calling to her. Then I drove farther out, still calling to her. I heard the coyotes a few more times that night but, never saw Princess.

    I feel so guilty that I put her out, knowing she might break out. I realize that things can always happen but, it didn’t occur to me in the moment that that might be the last time I saw her. And I was mad at her for pooping in the house right after being outside (more guilt).

    It is now in the middle of the night and I cann’t stop berating myself for my bad decision. I feel like I caused her death- maybe even more so bc I heard the coyotes howling after I called her- maybe she came running to my voice and they found her 🙁
    Rationally, I know she was a runner, and her running could end badly. But, having it happen tonight with coyotes, with us trying to get to each other, feels v different. Princess LOVED being outside but, she also loved cuddling and being with the family. I am overwhelmed be feelings of guilt, sadness, loss and grief for losing P. She brought such a life and joy into our home. And now she’s gone…I keep thinking if I hadn’t let her out on her own without supervision she would still be here- and she would. I feel like such a terrible person to accidentally kill such a sweet and wonderful dog, and member of our family.

  • Edwin

    Not very good with grammar….
    Chula we’ve had her for 13 years
    She turned another year last month on the 16th and I didn’t even know it.
    She was id say a unconditional loving, caring, and very jealous apple head Chiguina whom after a bit of petting would become so docile and loving doggy.
    She’d been with the family all over every time we switched homes, even when we left the country.
    She sadly past away on 01/14/18 and I never thought I’d cry and greave over a dog..but she wasn’t just a dog she was a small furry shaky loving pup who was always there when my heart ached.
    I had resived a call saying she was bleeding a lot from her vaginal, I rushed her as soon as I could to the ER once we arrived they treated us very well, down to the point of not charging me for the check up. Vet consulted me to go to a non-emergency vet to perform extent examination on her.

    She had lost her theeth and struggled a bit to eat, but I kind of tried to always feed her what I could.
    After 2010 she stoped getting her shots, I had moved from home and was getting much older and my focus was on other things as those around me,
    She’d love my step father the most could be seen,
    But she loved me 2nd best and that was more than enough for me.

    After returning from the ER that same Saturday night
    I kept looking up symptoms for Dogs who are soon pass away…( I know the best place to look)
    But upon reading them they seamed to make with what was happening.
    She stoped showing interests in food,water, when I camped home she wasn’t alert.
    Every time I’d open that front door she’d bark n a lot of times I found it annoying.
    Now I sit in my car not wanting to open that door knowing there won’t be little barks a wagging small tail n big puppy eyes looking up at me greeting me after work.

    I left for a date that same night around 2:00 am
    As I walked out I picked up some baby food from her plate with my finger and fed it to her. 3 Times. Because I was running late. I said bye n see you soon.
    But deep down in my heart I know she wasn’t going to be ok.
    I got a call the next morning saying she was gone.
    She was a very small doggy yet she has left a big void in my heart. I feel as… I know I could of have done much more.
    She will be cremated soon and kept with me in my journey.
    For the love I had no clue of.
    R.I.p. Chula dec/2005- Nov/2018
    Daddy is sorry, lil innocent and unconditionally loving angel.

  • Analicia

    We found our dog 3 years ago to the day yesterday she was a runner which is how we ended up with her. Two houses and 3 years later we thought she was broken of her running habit but we went to a friends house and we have no clue how she got out our other dogs were still fine in the backyard and on our path home we found that our Bailey had been hit by a car and was dead in the road. I’m devasted…I keep thinking if I had just left her in the house or came home a little earlier or… I feel so awful she was an amazing dog and everyone loved her so much.

  • R

    I delayed a $500+ ultrasound on my dog to save money at the time, having already incurred a bill of over $500 for the visit, blood work and x-ray. I refused to believe it might be cancer as her symptoms were mild, so we treated her symptoms to some but little avail and also did re-checks every few days. The vet did not know what it was, but presented cancer as a possibility. For 13 days she did not get any better or worse. But when she worsened, I rushed her in for the ultrasound, but she died after surgery the next day. I was initially told that the ultrasound might not find anything but was likely to find something that the x-ray did not find. An earlier ultrasound may or may not have saved her life as she had a very aggressive softball-sized tumor that had ligated and invaded the main (cranial mesenteric) artery that supplies the intestines. I can not have closure knowing that I might have contributed to her death by delaying the ultrasound and surgery. This has ruined the rest of my life. I did every single thing right by her for almost 12 years every time she got sick or injured right up until the time I delayed the ultrasound out of cost concerns and took a “wait and see” approach instead. I was so relieved to get her into surgery only to be told that the tumor could not be removed without cutting the main artery, causing death, and that the artery was also feeding the tumor. She also had two large perforations in two separate locations of her jejunum. Because no biopsy was done, the type of cancer and site origin is unknown. I have several reasons to suspect carcinoid that could have originated in her jejunum, mesentery, or elsewhere, but it could have also been extraskeletal osteosarcoma of the mesenteric root. I will always feel guilty for not getting the ultrasound on that first day. Had she still not made it, I would at least know for certain that I did all that I could have done. Life is so fragile, and I might have let her slip out of my hands by dragging my feet.

    • SCOTT ANDERSON

      I know exactly how you feel, I just wrote my story today. My only solice is that my dog would have gone through surgery most likely but would have either died alone and scared or eventually had more problems down the road which have caused him much more pain and a more horrific death. So sorry for your loss, know that your dog died with love and you may have saved it from more distress and pain.

  • Sandy

    I just lost my dog CC and haven’t even buried her because my partner said to wait til he’d home from work. CC was my angel who followed me in pasture and to the barn everyday. I drove away from barn and headed to front gate not even going 5 mph, and didn’t see her. She got under Jeep and I ran over her. She died instantly. I feel so guilty And heartbroken. She was born in the farm 20 yrs ago and has been my constant companion, and I killed her. I’m devastated.

    • steve

      Sandy, I did this to my old spaniel a year ago and it hurts terribly. But it was an accident, I nor you would ever do this on purpose.

      Do not blame yourself as much as you want to, it was an accident. You gave her a wonderful life and that is how she should be remembered. It is hard, it will take time but it does get better.

      The pain does go away, the memories do not and that is what we need to cherish

  • caroline

    I’ve just lost my beloved American cocker spaniel, and though it’s true and fortunate he lived till 14, which is amazing, feelings of guilt prevail. We had great times, did so much together. Due to work, I relocated several times, around the world, and brought him along. The last one 4 months ago, took its toll on him, I guess, to Dubai, and the summer heat made it hard to be outside, for walks. During these months his health declined, arthritis, his feet and toes and nails become weakened and out of shape. A few days before his death, I cut his nails, which he clearly found so uncomfortable, but fear I hurt him, in the process, and put him through too much pain. His feet became too sore to walk on, and he was having trouble walking anyways. The last few days, his body got weaker, and the last day came, when he was unable to hardly move. I just hope I didn’t cause him pain, unnecessary pain, in my ignorance trying to “pedicure” – I don’t know. Also the relocation itself, so stressful on an older dog. However, there is nothing more I ever wanted than to be with him, right at the end – which I was – he slipped away, taking his last breaths – right there with me, holding me, speaking to him. Letting him go and thanking him for all the joy, comfort, playfulness and company he brought me. I feel guilty, when he stayed with others, and couldn’t be with me. Guilt – its a tough one. I want him to rest in peace, and celebrate his death.

  • Amy

    I found this site because the pain I am feeling is almost unbearable. I had never really had a dog before only cats. I took in a dog that no one wanted and kept getting passed around from home to home. I had originally got him for the kids but somehow he made his way into mine and my husband’s hearts. We did everything with him! We took him to the park, we took him to the river, everywhere we went, he went. He was a part of my everyday life. I talked to him and loved him everyday for 3 years! Every time I went to the store I was always thinking of him. He was our best friend. Our kids are teenagers and not really interested in doing things with us anymore but buster was always ready to go. He loved it. He only ever loved us. He was the best. Well my husband took him to the park and on his way home he had to stop and pull a tree branch out from under the car, he didn’t realize that buster had gotten out of the car when he started to leave and of course my poor doggie thought he was being left and ran to the car….you can guess what happened next. I am dying inside. I can’t stop crying. I look down to call him to bed and he isn’t there. I look for him when I get home from work and he isn’t there. How do I get over this? Did he know I loved him? Does he know it was an accident? Were his last thoughts of being abandoned? I just want him back.

    • Sandy

      Amy, reading your experience is what just happened to me. I was leaving barn going to work and my old dog got under the vehicle. My heart is broken. I didn’t mean to do it and feel horrible.

  • Robinson

    Today is a saddest day of my life, my love my small dog ” sheeba” ( about 13 year old, pomenarian, recently couldnt see well , catract in one eye, couldnt hear well,, and a bit arthritis)) who showered me with unconditional love passed away due to my ignorance, negligence.I feel so guilty & ashamed for irresponsibility.This morning as every morning I used to feed him a lot of biscuits, he does by barking continuously,, today Sheeba and my cat Mario was having biscuits,, then Sheeba was following me wherever I go, she does this all the time.Today she was at the entrance of the gateway and my dad was reversing his vehicle, and at the same time I greeted bowing head a hello gesture to some passers by, (that was the guilt #1) then I saw sheeba and said “sheeba” come come..to move away from the reversing vehicle, at the same time I saw sheeba saw me…i.moved towards the house coz the van had to take space to come forward & reverse. Then while I moved forward I feel thr ban approaching me and I turned and saw my dad run on the rear wheel of the van.I shouted,screamed and saw that Sheebas head had been smashed.Took her and saw bleeding , and dying. Poor sheeba had followed me since I called her, Following me… I really feel so guilty, sad and cried! I am asking god to punish me, to shiw me the suffering the poor one face at the time of her death. Hope I meet her in the skies above after my death and want to hug her,.Sheeba rest in peace love! I truly miss you! I wish you were nearby me.

    • Sally

      My dog passed away three days ago, he was a three year old English Mastiff beautiful slobbery giant who was loved by everyone.
      His death was a result of us giving him a small raw hide chew, which he swallowed it got stuck in his throat, we watched him suffocating trying to get him in the car and then hitting traffic he died on the way to the emergency Vets.
      My heart hurts so much, I would give anything to turn the clock back and have him back, but know I can’t he guilt is so intense.
      It would have been his 3rd birthday today a great celebration if he was hear instead the house is empty and Cannot forgive myself I hurt so much and just want to say sorry to him for giving him the chew and then not being able to save him.
      Sorry Bert, I love you so very much hope we meet again xxxxxxxx

  • Gia

    I am so sorry you are going through this pain. You asked how could anyone come through this guilt and self-blame, posting about the incident and talking about your loss is the first step to recovery, which may take a while but you will pull through eventually. Two years ago I was in your shoes, my beloved cat had died in a very painful way in my clothes dryer, and I was in the house at the time, totally oblivious to the cries of help from her because I had the radio on loud. When I discovered her body in the dryer I wanted to die too so badly, the guilt and pain of loss was drowning me in despair. I also posted on this website, I found the responses from readers comforting. I still cry whenever I remember my beloved Prada, but I know that I had loved her more than I can ever love any other pet, one day our souls will be together again. Be kind to yourself, blaming yourself will not help anyone, do something meaningful in memory of your beloved pet. I went out and adopted another kitten, and have vowed to be a more mindful pet owner this time round, she in turn has made me laugh again, like I used to with Prada.

  • Ines

    I was in a cafe with my dog and he shouted my friend’s name who were passing by amd was on the phone at the same time and he jpef to greet her and i turned away for 2 seconds and he ran in the street and was hit by a car. I was always taking care of him and kept him in my lap and he was like my baby. I am devastated and cannot forgive myself. I love him more than anytjing

  • Martha

    At the moment my husband and I are grieving over our beloved Simone who died this past Friday. A beautiful 12 yrs and 3 days short of 3 months Blue Doberman Pinched with a cropped tail (that is how she arrived) and intact ears. In that grief is an enormous amount of guilt. Simone died from bloat. She had bloated in the past but the kind of bloating that dogs get from indigestion and she had worked through it by eating grass and throwing up. I don’t understand what happened that day. In the past for the most minor of things my husband would say she needs to see the vet. In fact, one time we actually took her in because my husband was worried she had bloat. I said she looked fine but since he insisted went to the vet…she was fine. Friday he had fed her (6am) and about 8:30 he came to me and took off her sweater (she had no hair) and said she looks really bloated. I took a quick look and said.. that ‘s probably cause she drank water. But my husband didn’t insist this time. So I went to the yard with Simone took pick up pop. She pooped while I was out there but she also was looking for grass which we dont’t really have any cause the gardner had recently cleaned the yard. I went upstairs but she continued to look for grass almost in a desperate way when I look back. (First sign-up guilt 1) Then she kept trying to throw up and the tiny amounts of grass she threw up with white foam but nothing else. (Sign 2- guilt 2) so thought it strange so much white foam but didn’t bother to mention it to my husband who was getting ready for work. Instead I looked on the internet and saw the white foam after eating grass is normal. I normally call the vet when in doubt anout Simone…this time I didn’t. (Guilt 3) After my husband left Simone was with me but kept trying to throw up but only white foam bubbles and bits of grass came up. I think in my gut i felt something was wrong but didnt pay attention because I needed to get ready for an appointment that afternoon ( which I could have cancelled- guilt 4) and i needed to visit my friend and neighbor who had surgery early that morning. Simone threw up again insidev the house. I cleaned up after her telling her “it’s ok mama” and massaging her stomach. I finished getting ready, left the patio door open so she had access to the yard as usual, put her sweater back on and went inside the house closing the door behind me. I left my house went to my appt but in the back of my mind i kept thinking, “I hope she is ok” but instead of rushing home right away I stopped at the post office then Safeway and then home ( guilt 5). I opened the door that leads down to the foyer to the patio and called her. She didn’t come up so i figured she was in the yard. I went down the stairs and saw her in the corner she sometimes would lay. Simone was dead, altready in rigomortis. Simone went with me every where…even to appts. That day I didn’t take so she wouldn’t throw up in the car and lay on throw up (guilt – 6). Yes..our hearts are breaking and wish I could dip that day over again. The rational part of me knows we didn’t do this purposely and it was an accident. But it doesn’t stop the feeling of guilt..as if in the real moments when she really need me..i wasn’t there. Instead I left her to died..and not a soft peaceful death but a painful tragic death. We have had 3 other dogs we put down and they went peacefully; and their death hurt just as losing a child (We have none) . Except with Blue (Simone’s brother) was more painful because he died of cancer at age 3.5 yrs even though we tried chemotherapy. But with none of them did I feel guilt. Simone’s death is going to be a tough one to get over the feeling of guilt. And honestly I think deep in my soul I know the guilt will always linger even though my intellectual will lnow it wasn’t done on purpose. I forwarded tjis site to my husband. If he wants he will comment his own feelings. So we both have our moments of breaking down. Sometimes at the same time sometimes different. We console each other telling each other she knew she was loved…and she was. But we still struggle with the feeling of guilt. I’ve asked Simone to forgive me for not recognizing she needed medical attention, for letting her die alone, and for not being here when she needed me most. I ask God to forgive me for not having taken better care of this beautiful gift he had given us. And I pray one day when I’m gone from tbis earth I will see her, my other 3 dogs and my baby boy who died at 4 months and 5 days in pregnancy.

    • Dave

      Hello… My name is David and I lost Tina (a Doberman rescue I had for 11 years) at noon today. I was looking for… something when I saw your letter. She had cancer and a heart murmur. I am going thru guilt and shame but I’d like to share something. I pray …a lot. And God told me she would pass today. I gave it up to him to bless and he did (beyond my prayers). Close to the end, I took it back and fought him for her. I was not going to let her go today or tomorrow, I was going to make her live. She got better in the last 6 hours but she did pass away… in my arms (blessing one) and at home (blessing two). While I am really really hurting, I know several things… God knows it all and controls everything, no matter what I say or do. God put Tina into my life for a season and reason to bless me and for me to bless her (that hasn’t ever changed). Our bodies (human and animal) are very complicated and even with as much ego as we have, a Doctor has a practice not a perfect. Finally, grieving is mathematical… The amount of tears we shed is directly proportional to the blessing we have received/acknowledged from God. I believe that Tina is happy and healthy and free but I am still tremendously torn by what I did and didn’t do. I missed it and wanted to “make it up” before she left. God allowed me to loved on her for several days. It was enough time for him, but not for me. I look forward to seeing her again to “make it up”. Thank you for allowing me to open up. I needed this. I hope you find comfort in this. I’m praying for you. Dave S.

  • Adrian

    Today has been better I let my son stay home with me today to grieve for our lost family member I spent my day with my son to help him learn to stay strong and hopefully get a understanding about his feelings on the situation we talked and I explained to him that we must never forget cash and if he missed him at any time and felt like crying it is ok. But I did also explain to him how important it is to keep life going and that cash would not want us to be sad for him. Though I must be honest I spent the day being strong for my son and helping him cope but I have not had a chance to forgive myself though getting everything out in the open is helping I still need feel horrible and every time I close my eyes I see my poor little cash just lying there where I found him.

    • Martha

      I’m so sorry for your loss Adrian. I understand needing to be strong for your son, when i visit my parents I am strong for them. I won’t breakdown in front of them, first because they are in their 80’s and second because no parent wants to see their children in pain. Pop 88 and mom 89. They knew how much I lived Simone and almost daily Simone would visit them (7min away). My mom would give her biscuits so in the car on the way tgere I’d tell Simone, “No barking…or grandma won’t give u any biscuits:. She became a barker in het older age…she demanded ur attention..and she got it. You do need to take moments by yourself to grieve and with time the pain will be more tolerable.

  • Laurie Post author

    Thank you for being here, and sharing your story of losing your dog. There are no words to express the pain and grief of a dog’s death. It always hurts to lose a beloved friend, and the healing process is never fast nor easy. And when guilt or our own mistakes caused our dog’s death…it’s just so hard.

    May you find comfort in your grief, and may you grieve the way you need to. Give yourself time to process your loss. Give yourself permission to do what you need to do to heal. May you find ways to forgive yourself, and may you cope with the guilt you feel in a healthy and productive way. And, may you find peace and acceptance as you allow your heart to heal.

    I’ve written two ebooks for coping with pet loss. In Farewell, Friend: A Gentle Guide to Saying Goodbye to Your Dog, I share several ways to cope with guilt and find forgiveness.
    https://www.theadventurouswriter.com/blog/help-for-pet-loss/

    Take good care of yourself…and be gentle and kind to yourself. You would never have deliberately or knowingly hurt your dog, so don’t hold on to the black guilt and shame. Turn away from the darkness, towards the light, and know that if you knew then what you know now…everything would be different.

    In sympathy,
    Laurie

    • Teresa Crowell

      Thank you, I’ve raised my baby since he was 6weeks old, all the way to 16 in human yrs! It’s so hard not to see him in our home and in our lives! I’m hearing things that makes me think of him! I thought I saw a shadow of him! I know it’s only been a few days since he left us, I’m trying to think of him and not myself and think of his health and not suffering but then I go back to the day that I took him to the vet and I think of his look he give me like why mom are you doing this to me! And I break down again!

  • Teresa Crowell

    I had to put my Yorkie down, on Monday he was 16 yrs old, it was horrible! I’m heartbroken and I feel like a terrible person ! The look in my fur babies eyes was horrible! How can I get past this! He was loosing so much weight even though he was eating, he slept most of the time and started pottying in the house which he never did before. I just feel maybe I could’ve kept him longer! I feel so bad!

  • Adrian

    Today I put down our dog. His name was Sabre, age 15 (human years). Recently in his age, he developed an ear disease which we normally treat. When Sabre was 10 years, we got a 2nd dog and started placing more emphasis on the new one (name: Thunder). I guess that with Sabre being feeble, we started neglecting him, not by intention. This lack of attention, led to his kennel being dirtier than normal and less baths etc. Just last week when I was treating Sabre’s ear, I noticed drops of blood falling from his rectum section. When I lifted his tail I noticed two separate cuts (skin gashes) directly above his rectum, below his tail. At the point in time, I didn’t know where he would have gotten that from. I eventually got vex as I thought that he did some nonsense to cut himself up and now I have even more to tend to.
    A day after that, I went to work as usual and when I came home, my smaller brother told me that he contacted our parents and spoke about Sabre’s condition and they agreed that if he may need to be put down as the cuts above his rectum was not making it hard for Sabre to stand, walk, defecate etc. I told him that I did not want to put him down and we should at least try to clean up the wound (skin gashes) and maybe it would heal. So the next evening after returning home, I got busy by starting to clean Sabre’s kennel very clean and then I washed down Sabre’s rear section with the cut. However after that is where I think I made a very terrible judgement call. I was so fixated in trying to clean up his wound, I decided to spray the wound with some hydrogen peroxide as know it is used for minor cuts. I sprayed it and washed him again after with normal water.
    At that point I thought everything should be fine (wound washed and cleaned, kennel sparkling clean) and Sabre should recover just fine. I felt better about myself about not having to think about putting him down. The next day in work I received a call from my brother and he told me that Sabre is looking worst. I was a bit scared and confused now. He said where there was the skin gashes, there was now was big hole and it was dripping blood and oozing with a terrible smell. He said flies and maggots was attracted to the wound and he tried washing it with water and then he used the hydrogen peroxide as well thinking that when the maggots fell, it would help. Sadly it did not seem to help. Eventually the weekend arrived and Sabre was not in a good state. He could still eat somewhat but had extreme difficulty standing up and moving around. Flies were also plentiful and the smell was terrible.
    I called the vet for a home visit to assess the situation and relay what could have been done. When the vet looked at the wound, I would not forget the initial expression. She said that it was extremely bad. With Sabre’s age, she said that anesthesia would not be possible as he may not wake back up and if she had to attempt to work on him, she would have to hospitalize Sabre for weeks and even after that, maintenance would not be easy. She was honest and told us that if we were ready, it would have been better to put him down for eternal rest as he was 15 years and she was sure that he had a good life. Truth is, he had a very good life, I loved him. However I do admit the neglect he got coming down to his later years and now watching him suffer with that hole above his rectum, was something that I could not bear. I gave the vet consent to put him down. After that both myself and my brother cried while wrapping Sabre up in a clean cloth and making preparations to bury him in our yard.
    It’s only a few hours after we buried him, I started back thinking about what could have caused that hole to form and I started researching more about hydrogen peroxide use. I was shattered to read what I did. I can only think now that if I didn’t use that and just wash the gashes and call the vet, maybe he would have still be hanging on with some bandages. I feel really hurt to think that I could have caused this when all I really tried to do was extend his life. I miss Sabre and I hope I can forgive myself for this misjudgment. Rest in peace Sabre, my loving friend.

    • Karla

      Something similar happened to my dog yesterday. I wish I had been there and helped him faster. I wish I could’ve put him down and ended his suffering like you did, my poor Terry died being eaten alive like this and my heart can’t bear it.

  • Sreekant

    Its a nightmare to me and I feel so broken inside, we had a beautiful Lhasa apso, since I had my night Shift job I had less time with my Kittu…just yesturday I came back home in the morning and slept after few hours I woke up and picked kittu with me and placed besides me after few minutes he vomited so i placed him down I knew he was sick so before going to work I asked my dad to take him to vet as I could see he was sick but I didn’t knew he was dying….the next day when I came back in the morning from my job I felt something is not right when I entered the gate…my family was sitting there with kittu wrapped in a cloth..i couldn’t enter the door I was so broken..till this time my eyes are still wet of crying….my mother said after I left his condition got worse and we were going to take him this morning to vet but didn’t knew we had to take him to bury him….I couldn’t forgive myself I let him die because I had more priority than him…I will never forgive myself i just want him back i just couldn’t accept he is gone… sometimes I just want to die and be with him…

  • Laurie Post author

    Dear Heather,

    I’m so sorry that you lost Roxie, and the guilt you feel about her death. Thank you for sharing your story here….How are you doing today?

    In sympathy,
    Laurie

  • Heather Tomala

    My poor Roxie. I have never boarded her but we had to go on vacation and I could’t find anyone to come to my home. My biggest fear was socializing her and a dog biting her. I researched and found someone to watch her. I only left her for one day. That night she was outside with the boarders dogs and a firecracker went off at a neighbors, she is terrified of fireworks. My poor sweet girl ran for the door where the other two dogs were and they were wrestling/playing, she must have startled them and they bit her. The boarder checked Roxie and didn’t see any wounds. She slept with my baby and assures me that she watched her close. When I got there the next day I could see that Roxie was hurt. I ran her to the vet and no one seemed to think she was critical, puncture wounds with an abscess so she was treated and sent home with antibiotics. The next two days got worse, we were in and out of vet and special hospitals but her body couldn’t fight the bacteria. Everyone was shocked. I can not get over the guilt of leaving you at the boarder, why did I trust her? I feel like you were scared and wondering why I didn’t come to get you sooner and I feel so bad, I didn’t know or I would have come. I can’t stop seeing your sad face as I ran you to the vet that first time…I can barely function from this guilt.

  • Gregory Freeman

    Shadow. I should have dropped what I was doing to come pick you up. I was so wrapped up in myself, and moving furniture into our new home. I knew you had been having a good time with the other dogs, and running around playing. I had no idea, or anyway of knowing, that a few hours later, you would get struck by a vehicle. It breaks my heart that i wasnt there for you. I only hope and pray, that you are in heaven now. I pray i will get to see you again. I love you, and always will. We all do.

  • Donna Jenkins

    I don’t think I ever properly dealt with my dog’s disappearance. Every time it crept in my mind I pushed it away but here lately, I keep thinking about him and that night. His name was Patches. A healthy 12 year old beagle, our first dog and a beautiful, lovely friend and protector. It’s crazy because we lost him 34 years ago but here the last few days I am really struggling with it like it was just yesterday. I keep crying and the pain and guilt is heart-wrenching. I guess everything comes to the surface eventually.

    I was 17 at the time and it was a Friday night. I went to school that day and a basketball game that night so when I got home I collapsed on the bed from being so sleepy and started to doze. I’ve always been a serious night owl but that night, I wasn’t. My mom came to me around midnight and said she let Patches outside and asked if I’d let him in. I, of course, stupid, said yes. My bedroom window was real close to the back door and at one point I remember being woke up from whining noises but fell right back asleep. This is the point in my life that I really began hating myself and it’s the part that makes me sick. The next morning I was woken about 9am by my Dad asking where Patches was. My heart sunk because I realized I never got up and let him in and he’s not there now. It was around January so it was freaking cold out, the day was gray and sad. We drove all over town looking for him. Went all up and down the backyards of the houses on our block. Went to all of the area dog pounds….nothing. No Patches, no trace of him. Just…..gone. Like he just disappeared.

    I have tons of questions that will never get answered. Did he wander off and got lost and just couldn’t find his way back? Freeze to death somewhere? Did someone see him, pick him up and take him? If that happened, were they nice? Did he suffer? Was he with a mean stranger and couldn’t understand why we let that happen to him? Did he think we didn’t want him and that’s why he wasn’t let in? Why can’t I remember the date? Do I want to remember the date? Why didn’t we put up flyers? It goes on and on and on. My mom and dad thinks he went off and died somewhere but that doesn’t make sense to me. He wouldn’t have been whining at the back door if that was the case. I know whatever happened, he’s definitely not alive anymore.

    It’s still really painful though, I miss him, and it just makes me wish I’d die already myself. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it because it’s not good enough to get over it. I don’t want to forgive myself and it’s like I have to punish myself with the pain and anguish for as long I live. He didn’t deserve that, he never would have failed us and I failed him. If I could turn back the hands of time I’d get up as soon as my Mom asked me to let him in. I’d wait at the back door for him when he was ready to come in, open the door, pet him, we’d go to my room and hop in the bed and sleep warm and be safe and sound. If only I would have gotten up when my Mom asked me to let him in. His name was Patches. A healthy 12 year old beagle, our first dog and a beautiful, lovely friend and protector.

    • Faye

      Donna…your story about Patches has touched my heart. It has only been 2 years since my kitty, Brad, went missing from my daughter’s farm but I know that I will still be feeling guilty even when its 34 years (if i live so long). I left him with my daughter and I shouldn’t have, knowing that he was a nervous Nelly kind of guy and things were very hectic there. He got out and vanished like your Patches. We searched the area for days but didn’t find a trace. I was so worried that coyotes would kill him as they had been spotted in that farm area. Tears come every time I think about how much Brad trusted me and how I betrayed him. May we both someday find peace and freedom from our horrible guilt. Faye

  • Barb

    We lost our dog Tequilla last wknd july 23rd2017 its all my fault our 2 yr old was asleep on the bed so i left our back porch gate open think’n she is asleep n our Tequilla cant get out, she was such a loving dog n so great with the kids, n such a beutiful white pit bull, we got her last yr when she was a pup n so she was only a yr old when she passed but any way i was sit’n on edge of bed while our daughter was asleep look’n at facebook posts well she got up 10 minutes later, n open our back door, n i didnt c our dog go out i thought ok the door is open but Tequilla is still in the house i will go shut it in minute, a few minutes later i went 2 shut it n i walk’d out on porch 2 shut the gate also n a kid came walk’n up our drive n he said do u own a white pit n i look’d at him puzzled n said yea n he said it just got hit i said no mine is in house i went thru house yell’n Tequilla, n when she didnt come 2 me i imediatley grab our daughter cus i knew she would follow me n went 2 go look n it was our Tequilla, she did get out i did not c her n she got on road n got hit but the person who hit her just hit her n kept on goin, but uts all my fault, but ran 2 her tears in my eyes so bad i couldn’t c n i was try’n move her off the road my husband was just com’n back from tak’n a friend 2 his house n he saw me try’n 2 move her n he said as he was pull’n in our drive way he was think’n thats not our dog thats not our dog n but it was our dog n its all my fault, his friend help move her n we buried her in our back yard, n we are in process of mak’n a cross 4 her where she is buried, but its all my fault she is gone if i wouldn’t been on my stupid phone i woulda seen her go outside n i coulda stop’d her, oh Tequilla im so sorry i failed 2 protect u, i love n miss u so much im so so so so so sorry, i cant eat i cant sleep all i do is cry i misd her so bad n i will never 4give myself 4 the careless stupid mistake i made of being on my phone not seeing her go out n not goin rite away 2 close the back door if i would have went immediately 2 the back door i could have stop her n protected her i failed u Tequialla as ur mom i failed u baby girl n 4 that im sorry, i really wish u were still here u should still b here n if not 4 my stupid careless actions u would still b here. Rest in piece our sweet Tequilla i will never 4 get u. I love u our baby u are always in my heart, n always will b.

  • larry

    I feel that I am a terrible person. My dog was a very special dog to me and many others, and someone staying with us let her out of the house without watching her and she got hit by a car. She was only 7 and in great shape. She was a little dog about 12 pounds. I went to her and was overcome with emotion and I was kind of in a state of shock. I thought she was dead and I just held her close to me and petted her. Then I realized she had slight breathing and I hesitated to move her thinking that it might do more harm to her and that maybe she couldn’t be saved anyway or she would be subjected to stressful medical treatment and not make it anyway and i should just comfort her. I just couldn’t think straight. I loved the dog so much and I was thinking clearly. She died an hour or so later with me, and now I realize I should have taken her to the vet. I have tremendous guilt. I feel that I let her die, which I did, and maybe could have saved her. I know now that what I did was wrong. I was very close to the dog and we spent lot’s of time together and I always tried to make her happy, but I let her down when she most needed me. I hate myself.

    • Laurie Post author

      Dear Larry,

      How are you doing? I know you hated yourself and felt so guilty for letting your dog down…but have you come to any new realizations?

      My prayer is that you remember that you weren’t in a good position to make a decision about your dog. You weren’t thinking clearly, and if you knew that taking her to the veterinarian would’ve changed her life, then you would’ve done it! I understand that clearly…and I hope you do, too. I hope you can forgive yourself, and deal with any lingering feelings of guilt or shame you feel after the loss of your dog.

      Let me know how you’re doing.

      – Laurie

  • Kim

    My heart goes out to all who have posted on here. I hope you have found comfort and your pain eased. I am hoping to find the same for accidentally taking the life of Kit, our 13 year old sweet, protective mutt. Yesterday at about this time, I came home when I was supposed to be getting lunch for everyone because I had forgotten my wallet. Normally, I would have parked at the top of the driveway but my husband said we would just make something at home so I parked in the garage. As I pulled in, my sons westie wandered in front of my car, I called to her and honked at her and got her out of the way. When I got in the house, minds were changed about lunch and I quickly grabbed my wallet and backed out of the garage, I was inside less than 5 minutes. The horn must have woken Kit up and she came up to the driveway. I never saw her. When I left the house that morning, she was on lead under the trees in her favorite napping spot. Before I left, I let the Westie in and knew where all children were, but I never asked about Kit.
    Trying to navigate around bikes left out, I started forward up the driveway. After about 10 feet, I heard something catch and drag under the car. I stopped and got out thinking my daughter had left the lid of ghee sandbox out and I had caught it as has happened before. We drive a volt which has a very low clearance. I walked around the car it didn’t see anything so I looked underneath and saw Kit, not moving, wedged in the center. I ran around to her head, looked into her glazed dead eyes and realized what I had done. I also realized I couldn’t get her out and started yelling for help from my parents in law. We jacked up the car and got her out, there was nothing to be done. My hope is that she died instantly. Her eyes were slightly open like she had started waking from a nap. She was the first Christmas gift I gave my husband after we got married. He loved her so much, I think there were some days that Kit was the only one in the house he actually liked. All I could think then was “what have I done?” Unfortunately, the answer that has been repeating itself in my head is “I killed Kit, I took her away from him. This is my fault.” He keeps telling me it was an accident and he doesn’t blame me but I do. Everyone else keeps telling me that she was old and her hips and knees hurt (she blew her anterior crucial enough ligament in both knees, one year apart that had to be repaired and had arthritis) and she is in a better place. My parents wonder if she didn’t lay down on the driveway and pass away there before I hit her because she never made a sound. I am still not positive where she was laying, if I pushed her with the car or rolled her with the car. She was laying in a fairly natural position other then being under the back seat of my car and was pinned down. She had no external injuries, she was just gone. because there were no injuries outside, I had nightmares last night that we buried her alive and had remind myself that there was no heartbeat, movement, or breathing. I think I would be grieving but moving on if she had passed naturally or if someone else had been behind the wheel, but she didn’t and it was me. I wish you all peace and comfort in your ordeals, thank you for letting me share mine.

    • Steve mehnert

      Kim, i am so so sorry for your accident. I did the same thing nearly a year ago to our beloved Cavalier Spaniel, Dancer and this board was a huge support. There is not much else that helps other than time and that we loved pur dogs as much as we could have. I rack myself with guilt still and when i think of her or that day, i cry. Im a 43yr old grown man. Accidents happen, we would have never intended pur mistakes and our pets have forgiven us. Again, i am so sorry you have to go through this. Steve

  • J

    Our wee Dusty, I am so so sorry for not taking you back to the vet and pushing them to do more. They said it was a hormonal problem causing your hair loss and weight gain and that neutering would maybe help. So we booked you in to have the op this week but before we could take you, you laid down on the grass in the sun and fell asleep. You were only 4 years old and such a funny character. We all miss and love you so so much. Run free wee man over the rainbow bridge

  • Julie

    We had such an amazing day yesterday. You were running around being goofy. I made the stupid decision to move the car because you were in the barn. I know you love the car, but I thought because you can’t hear I could move it safely while you play.
    I should have found you and put you in the car with me. I should have never moved the car until you were safe with me. I can’t forgive myself for causing your death. You were with me every day. I miss you so much. I can’t stand. It ever seeing you. I hate that I let this happen.

    • Kim

      Julie, I hope you are finding some comfort. Remember that your dog loved you and you loved him. This wasn’t a choice you made or an intentional act. Hindsight is 20-20. Its easy to say after the fact that you made the wrong decision but the Universe has its reasons for why things happen. I am struggling with you. Two days ago, I came home and parked my car in the garage but found myself leaving less than 5 minutes later. I wasn’t in a rush, just a leisurely Saturday afternoon. I assumed my Kit was on lead or in the house and never saw her, she must have come up to the house after I got back. She was my husbands pride and joy and I loved her very much as well. Remember your intentions. Forgive yourself. My heart goes out to you for your heart to be healed.

  • Rachel

    Pickles…

    I am so sorry for what happened. I am so sorry you died. I should have dove in for you. I was just so scared. I can’t breathe when I think about what happened to you. All you did was give me all your love and affection. I promised I would take care of you. I took you to the vet. I did all your health checks. I gave you chicken. Even though you always took forever to eat it. I am sorry i rushed you. I am so sorry I couldn’t save you. All I see is your face under the water. You are confused. Why isn’t my person saving me? Why isn’t she saving me? What is wrong? What did I do wrong? Pickles I loved you so much. You helped me get over Mya. You helped me believe I could of been a good dog owner. You gave me hope that I could be something. You helped me believe that even on the worst of days. When I felt like a rotten mom. You gave me love. You reminded me that I could be loved and that I can train and I can bring up a decent person or dog in your case. And now you are gone. Now you are gone forever. I carried your body to the side of the pool and I tried Pickles. Please know that I tried so hard. I screamed and I begged Jehovah to please give you back. I was in denial yesterday Pickles. I was in denial. I thought you would come back so I put your folder away just in case. I was so stupid. I ripped it up just now Pickles. I ripped it all up because what is the point. Your not coming back and its my fault. Its all my fault. Maybe I deserve to go to a coo coo place. I need help and you were all that I had. At the moment the feel of your fur would calm me down and now I am shaking because you can not be here. All i did was take from you and at the end, now your life has been taken to. What do I do? What the hell am I supposed to do now?

    • trish

      You are not a bad person, otherwise you would not feel so guilty.
      Accidents happen and we can always do better…
      I wrote my dog a letter asking for forgiveness, I didn’t realize she was dying and suffering so much. I ignored all of the signs. You are not alone.
      It will get better, please forgive yourself.

  • Tricia

    Dearest Ava, you will forever be in my heart. I am so very sorry that you suffered so and we’re in such pain. I keep reliving you crying out in the night. I didn’t think you would die and that I could take you to the vet in the morning. I selfishly ignored all the signs that your little body was shutting down. It was so wrong that I didn’t take you to the vet earlier that day when you were bitten by another dog. You cried out because you were scared and suffering. When I finally admitted you were dying, we rushed you to the clinic but it was to late. You died in my arms on the way there. I take some comfort that you were not alone or with strangers at the vet. You were in my lap and surrounded be love. Please forgive me for not getting you to the clinic. I am having such a hard time forgiving myself. I am so ashamed and engulfed by guilt. You are at peace now, remembered as a beautiful part of our family leaving us with so many wonderful memories. Sofi and Tober miss you. Until we meet again, love Tricia

  • Jerry

    Ruby,
    My big weimeraner, my best friend. We had 12 years together and I treasured them. Towards the end you had heart failure and we had many trips to vets and specialists.

    The night before I lost you we had to go out to a friends child’s christening and meal afterwards. I felt ill all through it and had chest pains. We left early to drive home and I felt even worse so we drove to the hospital to get me checked out. They kept me in over night and did a lot of tests. I was given the ok to go home around 6 in the morning . I got home feeling very tired and unwell.
    I came in to see you and you looked very unwell. I sort of knew you would not last long but I was so tired I gave you your meds hoping you’d be better in the morning.
    When I got up you had passed. I should have been with you. You were still warm. I felt so ashamed I wasn’t with you and I let you down.

    I know you’d forgive me but I can’t forgive myself. I feel I let you down right at the end when you needed me most.

  • Simone

    Clyde I’m so sorry, this is all my fault. When I close my eyes, it feels like your still there, and when I wake up in the morning I think of going to go and pet you. If I had just checked on you or closed the garage, you would still be alive. A raccoon or something got to you and since you are a Chihuahua and aren’t very strong, you were nearly dead when we found you. When you went to the hospital, I prayed that you would be alright. And when dad came home and said you hadn’t made it. I couldn’t breath or do anything. I could’ve saved you if I wasn’t playing around and watching Youtube all day. I love you so much, and if I could anything different in my whole entire life, it would be to save you. I’ll see you in Heavan Clydikins!

  • Trisha

    Baby Winter, I’m really sorry for everything. I cant always be with you since I’m at my dormitory. we can only be together during weekends. I miss you so much. I miss our cuddles, you waiting for me to finish my things and go upstairs to sleep. I don’t have someone going with me when I am going to buy our lunch. I miss you very loud barks and your kisses when you need to wake me up in the morning. I am sorry that I couldn’t bring you out everyday. As I am writing this, i really wish that you were here by my side, resting in my lap. I’m sorry that I didn’t know you feel ill during those times. I think that you were very depressed when you lost your three babies that you also went with them. You’re too young and i haven’t done everything that I want to do for you. My vacation is already approaching but I feel so bad that we cant go to the seas and rivers anymore. I feel so bad not seeing you before you go. And everyday not knowing that you are not in the house waiting for me on every weekend kills me deep inside. I want to do a lot for you so so bad. You haven’t even celebrated your 3rd birthday. I miss you so much baby. I want you to know that I really love you and Kai. I want to give you more love that you deserve everyday. I feel so much guilt every time I think that you are just waiting for me. I really wish that I shouldn’t have gone to a dormitory so that I could have given you more affection. I love you much and please forgive me baby for everything that I couldn’t do for you. I have a lot of regrets. When I sleep at night, I always cry thinking that You must have felt lonely all this time. Without Ate by your side. But, I just keep on thinking that maybe God wants you to be there already and maybe God is punishing me because I couldn’t take care of you well. I wish that you are already at peace together with you three little puppies. I’m trying to stay positive and dealing with my everyday life knowing that you are not with me anymore. I want you to rest in peace, have your life to the fullest there, everything that we couldn’t do together now. I love you very much baby. No one can replace you in my life and heart. No matter what, you will always be my baby girl. You will always be my very sweet, lovable baby girl. Guide me baby for my self healing. always remind me that you are there living in peace together with your new friends and your babies. I love you so much, my Winter <3

    from your Ate

  • Rosa Reda-Giordano

    My baby Cupcake…Mommy is so sorry that I changed your food! I had my cupcake for 13 wonderful years…she was truly like a baby…she would sit on her back legs and beg…she was the cutest little baby…we were always so careful about their food and about a month ago I changed their food! I don’t know what I was thinking! She has loose poops for three days and I gave her pepto and still not thinking anything of it! I just didn’t even realize, it had happened to my dogs before and then they were fine…then she threw up for two days, I called the vet and was going to take her in the next day and that evening she threw up and had a small seizure! I ran her over to the emergency room and they said she was ok they just thought she may have cushings, they gave me medicine and I took her home! That was it! she would not eat! I took her back and now they said she had pancreatitus, but she would still be ok! I took her home and she still would not eat, I called my vet and started her on id. I hand fed her because we thought it was because of the pancreatitis. After two days she turned yellow, that was this past Monday, and I had to put her down! My baby, my love, please forgive Mommy! I did not mean to hurt you! The dr. did say that she did have other things going on and it was not my fault, but I cannot forgive myself for changing the food for that is when it all started!.. Cupcake please forgive mommy, you had a beautiful life I know that, but you gave us 13 of the most wonderful, happy years…And ginger and the other dogs miss you so terrible! Rest in peace my girl, for I know you are whole and happy again, with my mom and in the hands of God! You will never be forgotten…You will live in our home and hearts and garden forever….Love Mommy, Daddy, Dominique, and your fur sisters and brothers Ginger, Bridgette, Oreo and Coco xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

  • Prabal Mutha

    First of all I’m sorry for what I did to you..As we grown together for 15 years, you were the one who supported & love me unconditionally in my bad and good days. Few days back when I was hospitalized for a surgery and had a serve pain and when I came back home I know you were the one who took my pain to you and made me feel better but few days back when you were in pain I was unable to do the same which you did for me. It was a hip injury to you were the right leg bone got misplaced as doctor said you cant be treated because of your old age as you were 15 yrs old. We were unable to see you in such a terrible pain but you never gave up, you always looked us all time and didn’t slept for continuous 48 hrs due to pain without having any food and water. We are proud of you what you did for our family but I’m really sorry we were unable to save you we tried our best but took a bitter decision for you but for your goodness only. Everybody are missing you a lot Dad, mom, brother and me please do come back with new life and stay with us forever I promise I wont let you go anywhere. I love you & we all love you my angel. Stay blessed where ever you are. Do come back soon. God please keep her soul safely without any pain because I know you also loves her. “Dog is really God” you will be always in heaven. Again I’m sorry..!!!

  • Lisa

    After having a terrible day at work and being frustrated with my husband for again leaving the trash barrel by the road I failed to see my littlest dog on the drive way and I hit and killed him with my car. It was dark and rainy and I was not expecting him to be outside. I have never even hit a squirrel and I ran over my dog. I am angry with my husband for not warning me that he was outside. He was my constant companion. Only 8lbs but thought he was in charge. He would sit with me for gours. He was my baby and then my baby was born and he felt replaced. My daughter is 5 now and my little man was finally getting over it. I need to forgive myself but it is so hard. We rescued him from a family that had a son that was abusing him. He had previously been clipped by a cat before we got him and he had back and hip pain because if it. He had days where he was in a lot of pain. He had a heart murmur also. I once nurses him back to health after an illness that caused him to loose half his body weight. I thought he would die then but he fought his way back. His life was ended before his time by his Mama. His name was Trey and I will always miss him.

  • Megan

    Tonight my baby girl Darla suffocated in a popcorn bag. I had gone outside after work to cut the grass. I was only outside about 45 mins and when I came in I found the contents of my lunch bag spread out on the floor, and then I found Darla with the bag over her face. I immediately started CPR but she was already gone. I feel guilty because I know she is food motivated and I know the dangers of suffocation in plastic bags, and I should have been more careful about where I set my lunch bag. I can’t stop thinking about all the what if scenarios and it’s driving me crazy. I feel like I was negligent and it caused her death. I also feel guilty because my other dog lost his friend and seems so lonely. How am I supposed to recover from this? My whole body aches from screaming and crying. How can I face anyone after what I did? I am a veterinary technician and I couldn’t even keep my own dog safe, how can I be trusted to care for other pets? I just feel like I want to die…

  • Samantha

    I picked them up from the dog groomers and was all out of rutine the road was so busy so i didn’t clip garfunkel my miniature poodle of 9 months in the car like i normally do i jumped in the frount seat quickly before the cars came and thought about leaning back and clipping him in but it was to hard not enough room to turn around, as we drove off i put the window down only on a little gap just enough that he could reach his little head over to sniff and we set off just after going around a corner i saw he had gotten his head and frount legs out the window so i swerved to the side of the road and slammed my breaks on and jummped out the car but he wasnt in the window it was to late he had fallen out and was in the middle of the road a ran screaming to him no no no no no no no garfunkel when i got to him it looked like he was trying to get up but he was convulsing there was blood pooring from his little head i tried to stop the blood it was in his little eye i had him in my arms screaming no someone help me, someone help me!! A man pulled over i was screaming help me, help me he said ill take you to the vet i still had my other dog Gilbert in the car with all my stuff keys wallet, phone another man has walked over i asked me if he could lol after it i didn’t hear his answer i was already heading to the man’s car and he dronve me to the vet on the drive there Garfunkel stopped convulsing and i said i think he had stopped breathing no no no garfunkel please no no no , he pulled up at the vets i ran in and a lady took him from me and went into another room yelling for vets to come i was shaking and covered in blood they took me to another room and the man who drove me came with me i was sitting in a chair shaking saying please please please please help him please please be alive please don’t leave me please please please pleaser please please the vet came into the room and i could see it on her face i was like no no no no is there nothing you can do no no no she told me he had suffered head trauma and that he had pasted away i was saying no no no then i saw how upset she was and i said thank you for everything you had done for him she got me to wash my arms and got my details and the man drove me back to me my car i was crying the whole time i ran to gilbert he was now in the frount yard of the man house who had looked after my car i hugged gilbert so hard
    The man who hade driven me made sure i was ok and he head to leave the husband and wifes whos frount yard i was in gave me a towel to keep warm and rang my partner jimmy to come and get me the they gave me water and tea not long after Jimmy arrived and hugged me and we cried together
    So many if only have gone through in my head if only i had parked on the side road if only i had of clipped him in if only i didnt put the window down if only. I am devastated and heartbroken i have neve felt like this in my life he was the most beautiful puppy garfunkel was the right amount of cheeky, sooky, cuddly, attitude he had the best personality so adventurous and happy loved people and other dogs always ruining up to dogs the dog park I there faces saying hello. my animals are my family is so hard telling everone my family member my friends he was so loved i will never be the same again my heart is broken

  • Althea

    Yesterday my dearest angel baby boy Paco chased a neighbor’s cat and was shot by the panicked owner of the cat in front of its house. It all happened so fast… he never had any prey drive but my other girl has a prey drive, and he was imitating her. My girl is so strong, her leash almost broke my fingers so I let go, and she went straight across the field and street towards the cat. The cats owner was with the cat on the porch, saw her coming and must have ran in the house to get the pistol.

    Anyways I just finally caught up to my girl and hunkered down on her to pry her mouth open to get the poor kitty out. I didn’t even see that my baby boy had ran after me and started to try to imitate his sister and nipping at the poor kitty’s legs. The man must have come out and saw that I was hunkered over my girl but Paco was unobstructed. I was looking down but heard the gun fire and out of the corner of my eye, Paco jumping up and away, and out of sight.

    It was only a few seconds after freeing the terrified kitty from my girl’s maw that I saw him lying down and quivering slightly, a few feet away facing away from me. He died there, I ran to him with my girls leash tightly held, after making sure the poor kitty could breathe and walk away. I realized when I saw the blood splatter in the ground, that he was shot.

    It all happened so fast. We called the police and I apologized. My girl and boy are both rescues and I’ve done tons of trainings with them and I always hold her leash super tight. She was just too strong this time.

    I was numb and in shock. My baby boy was my husband’s number one angel. He cried on the phone and came right over and he swaddled his warm but bloody body in his favorite blanket. We fired the Firepit and did a memorial for him in the back patio. I held his big paws and held him and just apologized over and over. I think I should have kept both of them on leash, held with a carabiner hook to my waist like I used to until the carabiner hook broke and I never replaced it… and also he was not the dog that was at fault, and had a prey drive. If anything, the girl wth her prey drive started it. I should have placed a muzzle on her, which I had in mind to find and purchase. I knew she had a prey drive. Why did I delay it? I took a chance and my baby paid the price for my carelessness. My husband and I cried so much. I fear he blames me in his heart of hearts for this oversight. His baby was shot under my care! And his body drew his last breath all by himself… I didn’t reach over soon enough while he suffocated in his own blood… my poor baby died alone….

    Moving forward the girl will have a muzzle, I will prioritize that. It’s too late though for my baby boy… he was so sweet, chased balls and swam like a champion, cuddling like a baby and just unconditional love, living in the moment, every moment.

    The house is empty and quiet without him. I fear my husband feels our girl dog who is more bonded to me, should have been the one to go. I mean it was her prey drive that inspired our sweet boy to try to nip the kitty, he didn’t know it’s not done for fun.

    Why did I sit on the important safeguards to protect the poor kitties and my four legged children I love so much? The worst came true because I denied that the risk was too great. I had a tendency to take wreckless risks and not calculate risks or just plain ignore them. I knew this but I didn’t believe it til it became true in this way. Why why why

    I wish I was shot instead of him. I’m so sorry my baby to die so violently under mommy’ care. I love you so much. The posts made me cry again. I pray these angels are all up in dog heaven playing and playing endless fetch, with lots of tummy rubs and forever affection.

  • Diane

    I’m so sorry for all of your losses and for the pain everyone on this site is suffering. I need to share my story as well in hopes that I quit beating myself up. I have trust issues and am not great with people relationships. I prayed for a puppy for years, and in September I got an email asking if I’d adopt this perfect little rat terrier puppy. She looked exactly like the dog in my dreams. When I brought Zoe home at 4 months, she was better than I imagined, my little Angel dog. Just enough attitude to be funny, but super obedient, learned new commands and tricks within 5 repetitions and much more social than me. Her favorite things were running as fast as she could in my backyard every night and cuddling in bed with me every morning. When I’d cry, her little body would hold me down and give rough kisses until I pushed her away laughing. When I was feeling depressed and unsocial, she’d either toss her toys in the air at me or run to the door for a walk, where she’d insist on saying hi to every person and dog that we met. I met my whole neighborhood because of her. When the wind would suddenly blow from behind on walks, she’d quickly turn back towards it and then give me this accusatory look like I touched her and I’d tell her a ghost got her. I thought it was hilarious. When I’d take her to my family in the country, they’d always say how overprotective I was, I preferred her to be on a leash, while their dogs ran free. My dad started taking her on 5 mile walks off-leash and would report back on how good and obedient she was, so I started relenting. I went to his house twice in April and didn’t use the leash once. If she went too far exploring, she always trotted happily back when I called her. My fear was her joy of running, but she never once darted off, was too busy sniffing the world and calmly trotting about, plus she had a healthy fear of being too far from us. It was like she only ran when her brain was bored in the city (or if she stole something). Zoe was a cuddly dog, but she had been acting clingier than normal starting Thursday (5/11/17), and it was progressively getting worse. Odd for a puppy that loved playing. By Sunday, she was so clingy, she wouldn’t get off my lap or stop staring at me, and I planned on taking her to the vet the next day. But first, we had to celebrate Mother’s Day in the country at my Grandma’s house, Zoe’s favorite place in the world. The second she saw the house, she perked up because she knew she’d get home cooking and dog playmates. She had the best day with roast, homemade ice cream, dogs and freedom. My dad and I left for a bit and when we came back, we could hear kids crying inside, so we sat on the front porch. Zoe was in the fenced-in backyard and Dad asked if he could bring her out front because, “I don’t think she’ll run away, will she?” I said sure, because I had been sad and wanted my dog, I was tired of being told I was overprotective, and I wanted to prove that she was as good as Dad’s 5-year-old dog. Plus, Dad had trained her off-leash, he knew her. Hindsight is 20/20: The front yard has a large circle drive and a 55mph road 75 yards away. She did amazing. For at least 30 minutes she just trotted around, never even crossed the driveway 10 feet away, came back when we called her, and kept checking in every few minutes. She looked so happy, she had clearly forgotten she didn’t feel well. It was such a relaxing, beautiful lazy day and I was just thinking how nice it is to not always be so worried about my puppy, they were right, I needed to trust more. My cousin walked to his car and I said I needed to get Zoe first. He walked Zoe back to the house and I looked down for a split second to check my phone. I don’t know what happened, I didn’t see if she paused and pointed like she was on the hunt, if she stole something or what triggered it. But I heard Dad scream ZOE!!! I looked up and she was across the driveway, halfway to the road running as fast as she could. I start chasing her and couldn’t think of any of the commands I had taught her about crossing streets in the city. When she gets to the other side of the road, she just turns around and stares at me. I don’t know if that was her whole goal, but she looked so happy. I see a pickup a quarter mile away. My dad’s dogs are at my heels, following my lead like they were taught, so I can’t cross to get to her. My whole family is screaming at Zoe from the porch. I’m frantically waving at the pickup. I finally take a deep breath, put my arms down and stop screaming Come Here and calmly say it to her in a low voice. She happily trots across to me and makes it to the ditch we’re standing in. I hear everyone relax. Right then the pickup passes, it was going at least 70 mph and didn’t switch lanes even though 3 adults and 3 dogs were right next to the road. She must have felt the wind when it passed because she turned back around for the ghost and her head went under the rear tire. My 11-month-old baby was dead instantly. She had a whole lifetime ahead of her. My only comfort is she wasn’t scared and felt nothing. She was positive she was having the best day of her life. But I hate that I let her out front, I was so selfish and worried about me. We could have carried the chairs to the backyard. I could have gotten up to pick her up instead of making my cousin bring her back, my gut KNEW she needed to be put up. I could have used the commands we practiced every single walk to not cross the street and to come back immediately. But I failed her. I know it was my fault. I knew my puppy liked to run. No, she’d never done it in the country, and she was doing so good, acting like an adult. But she was just a puppy. She had gotten scared 5 minutes before when a dog tackled her and had ran to me crying. I had pet her, and told her it’s ok, go run free. It’s the last time I petted her. She knew “ok” meant she was safe. I lied to her. I killed my puppy. My house is so empty, I sob every day. My family wants to get me a new dog, they saw how good she was for me, she changed everything. But she was my angel dog. I don’t even know what I’d do with another dog. I’d be so terrified of killing it, my family would really think I’m overprotective. I can’t go out in my neighborhood anymore because they don’t even know my name, only hers, and they already judged me for being too lax with her. They couldn’t believe I trusted a puppy on an 16ft leash because she knew to keep off the street. I know they’d just think I’m an irresponsible puppy killer now. I’m so sorry baby girl. I love you with all my heart and I thank you for everything you taught me in your short life.

  • Siren

    I can’t help but feel so guilty and like an jerk for yelling or muzzling out dog who passed away may14th. She was always barking or snipping at one of my siblings. As I read that, and talked to my family they agree that they feel guilty but it was the best thing to do at the time.
    I feel much worse at realizing I didn’t show her how much I loved her. I dont remember when the last time I pet her aside from when she passed in my lap. I wish I could find ways to cope with that because it’s killing me so bad. And I don’t handle guilt well.
    I’m torn between that she knew I loved her and she probably thought i hated her.
    She passed away suddenly so it doesn’t help my guilt at all. (We suspect heart failure)

  • Nathan Sady

    Dear Duke added such life to our surroundings. I can oniy hope his beagle bother does not succumb to feeling lonely for he was a great friend…quite integral to the happiness he brought us.

  • tasha

    Hi,
    It’s 4:00 am and I should get back to studying. I can’t help but have flashbacks to the time I accidentally ran over a puppy. I did not know the puppy too well. It was so new to my family that I barely get a chance to visit considering my college is hours away. I remember meeting the tiny furball for the first time. It looked timid and curious from what I remember. My family and I decided to run some errands. Everyone hopped into my vehicle and the dog instantly followed everyone. He wanted to come inside the car too but I didn’t think it was a good idea because he wasn’t potty trained and he was so young. While my family was loading up the vehicle one of my sisters accidentally stepped on his paw and that squeal made my stomach twist. I thought “oh no poor puppy, it’s okay we’ll be back in a little while” little did I know he was in for a world of pain in under a minute. I was in a hurry because my first errand required me to meet with someone 15 minutes from that time. I backed out of a long driveway and as soon as I was about to pull forward into the drive I noticed the dog was shaking and spazzing. I saw a puddle of liquid where it was laying and realized it wasn’t playing. I just ran it over. :'( I got out of the car immediately while my family watched their tiny puppy in pain I felt so guilty and terrible. It couldn’t squeal because I crushed it’s neck and head by accident with my tire. I dropped to my knees and started soothing it because once I saw the blood and teeth on the driveway I realized there was no saving him. I started gently petting him until he stopped spazzing and then only shaking… then there were no more movements. Just blood oozing out of his mouth. I cried and cried and looked up to my mom and said: “there was nothing we could do to save him”. My mom tried not to make me feel guilty but I cried. Probably the hardest I’ve ever cried in my life. My eyes felt like they were swollen shut and my heart ached with sadness and grief. To this day if I think about it for too long I instantly become weak and start crying. I feel so guilty for what I did. For not being more cautious and thinking that a fucking puppy would know to get out of the way of a moving car. I put it in a box for my step-dad to bury. I picked it flowers and said I was so sorry. I never want to experience anything like that again.

  • Marie

    I can’t handle the awful guilt and shame I feel. We got our dog about a month and a half ago she was just a pup. We planned this for so long but even with all that planning she came at the wrong time. I thought about waiting but I really wanted a dog and so did my bf so I said “what the heck. I’ll figure it out” and we got one. She was so beautiful. She was smart. She was sassy. But she was also BAD. I guess as bad as a puppy can be. She would bite me all the time, ripped my clothes, and bark at the worst times but I loved her. But sometimes she would get the worst of me and I would have to spank her to get her to stop or I would close her mouth to get her to stop biting. I say she came at a bad time because lately I have been horribly stressed at work and then I would come home and I would be so happy to see her but then I would see the awful mess she would make and on top she would be bad too and that would get me so angry. I slowly realized that I have anger issues. I even considered not having children cause I have no patience and I just explode when I’m angry. And then that miserable day came. She wouldn’t stop barking and I had a terrible day at work so I grabbed her and I closed her mouth but I think I over did it and I was just so angry but it all went away when I saw that she soiled herself so I stopped but she wasn’t breathing right and she wouldn’t stand right. She was alive and breathing but something was wrong. I was trying everything. I couldn’t stop crying. I took her to the vet but they couldn’t do anything. I tried telling my bf what happened. I lied at first cause I was so ashamed but when I told him the truth, he basically didn’t believe me and said it wasn’t my fault. But it was! I can’t stop crying. I feel horrible. I’m an awful human being. How could I do that? She trusted me and I did this to her. I just get so angry that I can’t think straight. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. Every time I close my eyes, i see her and I remember what I did and I feel sick to my stomach. I shudder and I want to throw up. I feel worthless, not only because of her but because of my bf. He adored her. I can’t believe I caused them so much pain. I want to not feel like this and get over it but I don’t think I deserve feeling better after what I did. If I had just calmed down, if she hadn’t barked so much, if I hadn’t had such a bad day at work, if bf would’ve been here today. I’m scared cause I don’t know how to be myself anymore. I want to get better for him but I can’t even look him in the eye. I miss her and I hate myself for this. I don’t know if I can move on. I’m so ashamed and I’m so scared. I honestly feel like I can’t live with myself. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry

    • Beth Smith

      Hi Marie, I hope you’re feeling a bit better about things now. I know what happened was a while ago but I wanted to reply to your post because my heart goes out to you. So sorry to hear of your the loss of your puppy. It was a terrible accident, not your fault. Yes you shouldn’t have got angry like that but you didn’t mean to cause her any harm, you didn’t know what the outcome would be. I think your bf knows this. You’re a good person who made a mistake which unfortunately led to this situation. Please try to forgive yourself and talk about it to a counsellor if you can.

  • Jade

    You will feel terrible for a while, the only advice I can give is to learn from this and if you ever get another animal, look into crate training. Much safer than the tub. Just be sure not to put anything in the crate that can choke, even a foam mat if the dog likes to chew since chunks of foam could cause harm. I don’t even feel good putting treats or kongs in the crate when I’m not home. Never a bone or greenie, etc (which I never give anyway due to choking). Better the dog is bored than dead. So sorry for your loss, all we can do is learn and do better. I tried my best to prevent my pup from passing, and failed. All you can do is try your best and not make the same mistakes. You love your pup, that counts a lot!

  • Ryan

    Today I am broken, it has today it has hit me like a ton of bricks that we lost our 8 month Springer Spaniel. I went back to work and I finally have had the chance to reflect and not have to be the tough husband and father for my family.
    I believe it may be my fault for a fired in our garage that killed my puppy. She, like I said was 8 months old and had went in to heat. My male Springer who is older could open her kennel and would keep us up all night. At night time while she was in hear we kenneled her in our garage with a fan.
    I woke up to fired alarms about 12:30 am and ran downstairs. My son’s were already up too and my wife took them out as I tried to run to the source. (The garage)
    I opened the door from our laundry room to our garage to see and get her, but black smoke was bellowing out. I had to shut the door bc of the amount and grabbed a wet towel to try again. This time I opened more but the extreme heat of the black smoke burned so I shut it again and ran outside and press the button to open the garage door. It opened a foot or so so I got down and tried to wiggle through to grab her. I’m not even sure that she was still alive at this point and I would think not with the huge amount of smoke. I had to retreat that idea as well as the vinyl had started to melt and was dripping in my skin burning me badly.
    I still wasn’t going to give up so we had recently changed out our hot tub top which the old weighed at least 300 pounds bc it was so water logged. I stood it up and tried 2 times to kick it into the door to nock it down with no prevail. I did make a small opening in the top of the door. I grabbed the hose and sprayed where I knew she was non-stop until the fire department came. They did great and got the whole door off and stopped the fire. My entire garage was black and melted. She however had passed. I don’t know if me spraying the hose helped bc she was no burned at all… Looked to be maybe just the smoke got her.
    The fire department said they suspect our golf cart to have been the cause. What breaks my heart and my spirit is I had put radio on it that day. I don’t know my accident caused it, but I have to consume.
    I feel so horrible, it was only 2 days ago and as I type now I can’t see bc my eyes are sobbing to type this out.
    I tried hard, very hard to rescue her and have very badly burned hands and hurt my back with the hot tub lid.
    All I can say is it hurts…. I mean my heart hurts. It traumatized my whole family and I found this positing. I just had to get my feelings out there…
    If anything I’ve been humbled beyond belief by our neighborhood community and strangers we don’t know offering to help bc some of our house burned down as well.

    Ps: I didn’t proof read after bc it was hard enough to type it out.

  • Reyna

    I’m putting down a dog tomorrow. I picked a week ago a dog from the street. She was dirty, smelled like pee, couldn’t walk and was trembling. I took her to a very expensive clinic the first day (it was Sunday around 9pm)and kept her only a day there to relieve her pain. Next day I took her to my other dogs regular vet. That day she looked as if nothing. Next day too. Just heavy misnutrition. Third day, I take her home. She starts eating and throws up that day and the next, no matter what I give her. I called the vet. He said it was normal of street dogs that haven’t had normal meals. Advice, soups or Smt mild. She continues and Friday I booked an appointment for Sat. Vet examined her a determined that there was a bladder infection and that pain caused the vomit and excessive peeing. He gives meds and tells me that in 3 days I’ll see improvement or else bring her back. Day two, I see her weak, not eating at all still. I see her gums pale, hard breathing and cold ears. I take her to the ER. After exams: heavy anemia and dehydration. Her liver and kidney are damaged beyond point of recovery. I should put her down tomorrow.
    Probably if I had taken her a day before or looked for another opinion. The dog would have had a better chance. I feel like instead of helping the stray dog, I killed her. I meant good. I feel so bad.

    • Britt

      I am in the same situation. 2 weeks ago I rescued a 10yr old dog (or that was my intention) the previous owner was moving & left her at the home for the pound to pick up & offered her (Precious) to me. I could tell she had not been taken care of properly & was starved & possibably dehydrated. she lived a chained life & sounded as though she had throat damage. I took her home & cared for her, fed her (she was so hungry & thirsty) if was as if she was saying “thank you for saving me” I have a male dog also so I had to keep them apart until they got used to each other. He stays in a large kennel & she was put on a chain like thing that was given to me by the prev owner. I was wanting to get her a kennel too but was being cheap. (We have a large inground pool that is not working in our backyard & my last dog had a seziure & fell in while we were not home & drown (she roamed freely) – I’ve slowly gotten over my guilt on that one) – anyways, I go out everyday & let them both out to play for at least an hour. She was getting used to her new home & started playing with toys & my other dog. She has been doing great & she is put back on her chain before I go back inside. Last night When I was going to bed, I noticed she was tangled up (which had just started to be a problem in the last 2 days) I told myself it’s late I’m tired & I’ll do it tomorrow. This morning I got up, got ready, & went on with my day forgetting to untangle her. When I got home I went to check on her & she was dead. I fell like it’s all my fault!!!! It was hot & she got tangled & couldn’t get to her water. I petted her, I told her over & over I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean too, I should of got up & untangled her, I’m sorry baby girl mama failed you. I wanted to give you a better home & instead I killed you. If I’d went out last night & got you or even this morning this wouldn’t of happened. If I’d of came home earlier, you’d still be here. I can’t imagine what she was thinking. I no it’s all my fault – I should never of kept her chained – I no better – I took her to give her a better last few years & I was too cheap to get her a kennel. (It’s in my Amazon shopping cart)
      My husband says she was old & that may not be wat happened & I did give her more care than she had before – I no she had throat damage so I had a very loose collar on her that she maybe could have squirmed out of But I can’t help but think i caused her death by not fixing the problem that I knew about. I believe she struggled, Overheated, & died. We had such a good play day the last 2 days – she’s was really enjoying being our new friend. She looked so happy & now she’s gone. I got attached to her in the 2 weeks I had her – she was so sweet & I feel so bad knowing I caused this. I wanted to give her better & I tried – I didnt mean to & if I had it to do over again my 1st stop after getting her would have been to get her a kennel from lowes. I’m so sad over this – I already miss her – what little time we had I no she enjoyed I just thought we’d have longer. I’m so sorry I never meant to hurt you. I hope she knows this. Today She probably felt that I didn’t care about her & that’s not true but I was “too busy” to care for her needs. I will NEVER chain another dog, not even for a day!!!! I caused my baby’s girls death & im so sorry. How can I ever forgive myself?

  • Andrea

    I just buried my 5 month old puppy. I feel like I am dying inside, crumbling in pieces because I caused it.
    I had to go shopping, I usually take her and leave her in the car, but today was kinda of hot and had to do many stops. When we are away, we used to put her in the bathtub and she will have her bed there and wait until we were back. Today out of all days, she decided to try and get out, opened the cold water… the bathtub started to fill up, pee pad blocked the drain… she drowned. I found her and tried all… it was too late. Such a freak accident! I can’t help feeling like a monster… don’t know what to do… my 6 year old found her first… I am sorry, I write as the thoughts roll in. I feel like a horrible human, i was supposed to protect her and I killed her. She would follow me everywhere, trusted me blindly….

  • Debbie

    I am so glad I found this website. I join the rest of you in feeling that I was responsible for my dog’s death. She was a 7 year old beagle that I had had since she was a puppy. She was a viracious eater. It seemed like she could bever get full. Every chance she got she would steal the other dogs’ food. One day I just left her eat as much as she wanted. She just ate & ate. That night she was just miserable & her belly was so big. Fast forward 6 weeks and she starts to walk around with her head tipped to the side just a little & the end of her tongue just sticking out of her mouth a ittle bit. I took very good care of my dog. She was up to date on all shots, saw the vet on a regular basis, had the heartworm medicine & Frontline. When she was walking around with her head tipped I too her to the vet. This was on a Saturday. He looked into her eyes & said all looked normal. Ge then looked in her wars & said they were full of dirt. He took a sample to the microscope & said she had a yeast infection in her ears. End of exam. Gave me meds & sent me home. Over the next several days I noticed she wasn’t eating like her normal self. She was actually walking away from her food before she was finished. I called the vet on Tuesday & he put her on prednisone. Saturday morning around 10:30 am she vomited & then took the rug & started to ball it up under her belly all the while crying out in pain. I called the same vet I had had the previous Saturday & they said they stopped having appointments at 11:00 am? I told them her symptoms & the receptionist talked to the vet & he said to make an appointment to see him in a few days. I told them I dudn’t know if she would last a few days. The receptionist talked to the vet again & said I could bring her in fir an emergency visitwith one if the other vets & it would cost $120-125. We had been to an emergency vet several months earlier for one of our other dogs. I called them & they said it would be $95 for an office visit. So I took her to the emergency vet. The vet came in, palpated her belly & neck & said she could tell she was having pain because she tensed up when she was feeking her. She also adjed me if her belly was always this big & I never really thought about it because she was overweight. I had put her on a high protein dog food to help ger lose some weight.. The vet said she suspected Cushings disease but wanted to get some lab work & x-rays. The vet tech came in, gave ger a shot & saud it was for pain & to relax ger while they did the labs & x-rays. They eventually brought her back to the exam room & she laid on the floor & shivered. The vet came back & saud her liver enzymes were elevated but nothing to be worried about, otherwise her labs looked good. She then showed us the x-ray & said her liver looked enlarged & it looked like a mass but she couldn’t be certain. She said we would have to take her to a specialust to have an ultrasound done to get more info. She sent us home with pain medication and nausea medication. She walkedin on a leash & we carried ger out to our car to take her home. Exceot for one time that was the ladt time sge got up. the discharge instructions they gave us indicated if her respirations were above 40 we should call them. We had left the vet’s office around 5:30 pm & around 8:00 pm I noticed her respirations were around 80. I called the vets office & they said to give her a pain pill. About 11 om we went to bed & took her up with us. She laid beside me on her bed on the floor. Abiut 4:00 am we heard her cry out in pain. When we got up she looked like she was in a coma. I immediately. called the ER vets, told them her respirations were even higher & she looked like she was in a coma. They said they couldn’t see her because the vet was in emergency surgery & would be tied up for at least 45 minutes. They said we could take her to another vet but they were all at least 45 minutes to 1 1/2 hours away. They told me to give her another pain pill. I decided to wait until around 7 am & call our vet. However we didn’t wake up until 7:45 am & when we did she was gone.I am kicking myself for several reasons. Why didn’t I call our regular vet at 8:99 when her respirations were so high or why didn’t I take her back to the ER vet. At 4:00 am why didn’t I just pick her up & take her back to the ER vet & wait until she got out of surgery. Neither our family vet or the head ER vet could tell us what happened to her. The ER vet said he would get a radiology specialist to look at her x-rays. The specialist said he suspected a blockage but couldn’t tell for sure. I keeo kicking myself that I didn’t get her back to a vet at 8:00 pm & 4:00 am. Did I cause this by givingher the high protein food which really swelled up to make her feel fuller. I just cry & cry over this. I just can’t stop thinking that I should have been more proactive.Ir’s been 6 weeks & every time I think about her I just break down & sob & sob. I don’t know how long it’s going to take me to move on. I just can’t move forward.

    • Rosa Reda-Giordano

      Oh Debbie

      I feel your pain!!!
      your story is just like mine, it started with the food, then they thought cushing, then pancreatitis, then liver was enlarged and hepatitis! I had to put my Cupcake down on Monday and I cannot get rid of the guilt! Until I just found this website and it seems to be helping.
      I cannot stop crying and beating myself up that I changed her food! but we have to realize that we did not mean any harm and we gave them the best life we could and loved them unconditionally and alway will, and will always keep them alive! I will pray for you

  • Hannah Bailey

    I had my staffy put to sleep Wed 26 April. Today i am finding myself feeling guilty over two things. One not knowing she was sick and two because of my uni schedule and work taking over my life the past year and not be being at home as much as before. My beautiful girl was a rescue with thee legs after being run over whilst with her previous owner. Everyone who met her loved her. I just feel like i wish i was at home more. And so sad that life got in the way of my quality time together. And i also feel guilty cos my family dog is here and shes not and guilty that i feel i cant face him. Any support id appreciate

  • Gareth

    Firstly I want to say how deeply sorry I am to everyone who has posted on this website. I know what you are going through, and I pray that it gets better for all of us and we can learn to forgive ourselves. Also to the author thank you for this great website ……..3 days ago (24th April 2017) I was responsible for the death of my partner’s 4 year old Yorkshire Terrier, Peter. I am 38 years old and live in Manchester, UK. My partner moved over to the UK from Brazil in June 2016 and brought Peter with her. He was so small, and everyone assumed he was a puppy, not an adult. He was not a typical Yorkie, and had a soft, playful temperament, he was not an annoying snapper! He was like a little baby when relaxing and sleeping, so affectionate. Sometimes he would lie next to me and we would just look into each other’s eyes and then every few minutes he would lick my face or softly bite my nose. I’ll miss those moments so much……I met my partner in 2014 in Rio, and quickly took a shine to Peter, and him to me. Well it was actually love at first sight for me! Over the last year since Peter’s arrival we developed a strong relationship and he even allowed me to take him for walks without my partner. My partner suffers from depression, which makes matters worse now he’s gone as Peter was helping her through it and would stay by her side constantly. Peter slept with her every night which was a great comfort to her. So it was a really special day maybe six months ago when he decided that he would let me take him for a walk to the park without my partner as he would not normally do anything without her and showed that he trusted me. Peter grew up in a gated condominium complex in Rio, with no cars driving around really, so when my partner arrived I told her that she must always put him on a leash until Peter arrived at the park, then he could be let off the leash. The park is 1 minute away from our house in a quiet residential area next to a school, with only 2 small roads to cross to get to the park. Basically back streets. But I kept telling my partner to use the leash. Most times when my partner and I would take Peter for a walk she would not use the leash, even after my advice to use it, but as Peter was her dog I relaxed and rarely corrected her. I should point out that my partner did sometimes use the leash, but normally she would not. Peter had a few near misses over the last few months. He would regularly disappear going in and out of parked cars sniffing things, sometimes cars had to slam on their brakes, or Peter would manage to stop on the pavement just in time before stepping out into the road, which you would think would be a sign to ALWAYS use the leash, but somehow, this didn’t happen. We live in an area where there’s lots of parked cars partly on the pavements so everyone walks to the park using the road. People with dogs, people with prams etc. Even so, only 2 weeks ago we took Peter for a walk and he got ahead of us on the way to the park and stepped in front of a car which slammed on its brakes, he wasn’t going fast, I apologised to the driver and looked at my partner but she didn’t seemed concerned so again I relaxed and thought nothing of it. Peter could easily have been killed that day, but he was lucky. WE were lucky. Fast forward to 3 days ago, it was 4.30pm and my partner wasn’t feeling good so she asked me to take Peter to the park. I told her that I had to go and play football at 5pm but she said “just go for 30 minutes”… I asked her to come with us but she said no. I was feeling a little rushed and as I got to the door my partner held up Peter’s harness and leash (my partner always put the harness on Peter, but rarely the leash) but I said no I didn’t need them. I REGRET THIS DECISION WITH EVERY FIBRE OF MY BEING. Because it was 4.30pm I knew there wouldn’t be school traffic and it would be quiet in general and I had to get back quickly to go to football. We got to the park no problem, Peter had a great time in the sunshine and after about 25 minutes we headed back. It was quiet, we got across the first small road no problem then Peter picked up speed and got ahead of me as we approached the corner that led to the second small road to cross. I called “Peter” and he stopped and turned to look at me, I caught him up and we walked round the corner together. I had already seen the car that killed him at this point and I assumed the car had seen us. (Did he see us? We weren’t that far away from him and if he had been paying attention he would have seen Peter had no leash and taken greater care to let us cross the road surely???? I don’t blame the driver however). We approached a small metal barrier that was where we were going to cross the road together and I stopped. I saw the car approaching and I thought Peter had also stopped as he had done so many times before, but he walked straight out into the road and was killed instantly. I screamed so loud for 5 minutes that my partner heard me inside the house and came outside to see the horror of what had happened. I swear I was ahead of Peter when I stopped, but now I’m doubting myself. Was Peter ahead of me? Maybe I didn’t actually catch him up completely as I thought I had in my mind. Why didn’t I put the leash on him? Why didn’t I pick him up when I saw the car? Maybe subconsciously I thought the car had seen us and was stopping for us to cross the road as he didn’t seem to be going very fast at all. It all happened so quickly and now I can’t remember my thought process at the time or what actually happened and in what order. What I do know is that I am completely to blame for this, and I should have known better. I got lazy, I got complacent, I failed to enforce good practice on my partner with regards to using the leash and this led to me being too relaxed with regards to using the leash as well. My partner’s heart is broken, my heart is broken, and I am so so sorry for not protecting my sweet little friend better. I let him down and I let my partner down. She is going thorough depression, which can sometimes make her forgetful, but I have no excuse for forgetting to use the leash. I keep replaying the moment he was killed in my mind. It was less that 1 metre away from me. He didn’t know anything about it. He walked out into the road oblivious, the wheel rolled over his whole tiny body and head, he made no sound, he laid still on the road then blood ran from his nose. I knew he had died instantly and in that moment I wanted to die too. I quickly thought that this could lead to my partner committing suicide, such was her love for Peter. It was the worst day of my life. Last night I dreamt I killed three cyclists in my car. I know this is a guilt related dream, and that I feel personally responsible for the death. This feeling is unbearable at times and I just sob. My partner says she forgives me and knows I loved Peter but it doesn’t take away the guilt I feel and the pain of losing someone I loved. I’m so sorry Peter. I love you. Sleep well and I will see you again in heaven. God bless you xxx

    • Jade

      Gareth, I also was complacent and my sweet Yorkie Sophie was lost to a car. She loved to run and didn’t care about anything when she did, and I knew that. We had a fence that if she ever got out of the deck enclosure, this fence would keep her safe. Mbut we removed part of it for a driveway and needed to wait to put it back in order for the soul to settle. Why didn’t I put up a temporary fence?! And she got off he deck twice that same day and I still didn’t keep her in leash while out on the deck. Why?! It seems so easy to see now, what a ridiculous lazy mistake. I understand how you feel completely and am so very sorry for your loss. Hopefully they are running around heaven now waiting for us. Sophie was taken March 8.

      • Gareth

        Thank you so much for your kind words Jade. I’m so sorry about Sophie, and i know you will see her again, just as I will see Peter again. It wasn’t your fault Jade, and you need to forgive yourself…. I think we see how intelligent our dogs can be day to day that we overlook the simplest of things sometimes, assuming they’ll be safe and make the right decisions. This is a lesson learnt for me, in the cruelest most horrific way. I don’t know if I’ll ever trust myself to look after a dog again… Hopefully in time I can live with my mistake. Again, thank you for responding. God bless you and Sophie.

    • Jade

      Gareth, all we can do to honor their lives is to really truly learn and pass on our love to another dog. And to try our best again. Don’t forget you have gone through major trauma and it will take a while to heal, but you will always feel pain because you loved him so much. And that, my friend, i can tell is truly a great love because you grieve so much now. “Grief is love unspent”. Wish I could give you a big hug. God bless you and Peter as well.

    • Andrea

      I hope you find peace in your heart. I know how it is, you play all different situations in your head and the what if or what not. Pure torture! I hope you have the support around you, nothing worst that someone blaming you.
      I wish you healing and the strength to get you through these hard moments.

    • Diane

      Gareth, I had to write to thank you for your entry. It’s one of the few things that has given me comfort over the past week, as I identify with both you and your partner. I understand your pain and the what if’s, I wrote my story about my complacency above, I lost my dog on May 14th. I am so sorry for your loss and I pray that you find healing and forgiveness within yourself. Dogs always can tell dog people, Peter clearly loved you for a reason. A priest once told me to focus on the forgiveness section in the Lord’s Prayer. If God forgives me, who am I to not forgive myself? I am having to constantly remind myself of that these days.

  • Amber

    Today is the day I realized I killed my baby boy Liam.
    Liam was diagnosed with diabetes in august of 2016, little did I know then he would never see 2017…
    Lets go back to the day I got Liam.

    He was so scared, chained to a barn his whole life, the only interaction he ever had was a human who threw him scraps when she pleased.
    I took him home, was told he was a year and a half, that poor dog was so afraid of everything.. except my other dogs. He literally wouldn’t sleep the first few days, he had never been in a house before. Eventually he passed out sitting up, his head just dropped from exsaustion. Fast forward 3 years later.
    Liam got sick, turns out he had a gastro international problem, the vet I take my dogs to is really expensive and far from where I live. So I took him to a vet near me who did payment plans. They gave him some gastro wet food and medication and sent us on our way.

    Skip ahead 3 more years. His tummy acted up again so I put him on a wet gastro diet $58 a flat of 12 cans 2 cans a day, well you can see it’s costly especially when I was working for Walmart at the time.

    Fast forward again 1 year. Liam was good on regular food happy healthy a light in my life. A moms boy, when I say he loved me I mean it just me.. so now it’s 2016 and he has been diagnosed with diabetes.

    Liam was on a high dose of insulin 7 units twice a day. For his size that was a huge dose, but you see.. Liam’s sugar levels were not going down much, even with the high dosage of insulin. I spent over 11k on care for him in total. He even saw a specialist for an ultra sound $600 just for that specialist( not including the stuff they did after that to him).

    First bomb shell he wasn’t 7.5-8 years like I thought, vet told me diabetes doesn’t onset until about the age of 9-11. I felt robbed of time.
    We were at the vet every couple weeks it seemed. Tummy problems/ blood tests high sugars everything.
    $1000 bills each time I took out loans and everything to pay for this.
    Anyways fast forward to the month of novenmber. The stress of the Liam being sick mixed with the costs was killing me.
    I cried daily, nightly and sank into depression.
    His blood sugar was still so high, it didn’t occur to me the food I was giving him had a high dose of corn syrup in it.
    I got the results from the specialist who said because he wasn’t netuered his hormones were messing with his sugar. I booked an appointment for December 1st 2016 for the surgery.
    The weeks leading up is where I went wrong.
    I decided to make my own food for him no sugar.
    Lean hamburger and brown rice. He ate it for about 2.5 weeks twice a day.
    Now it’s nov 28th, I feed my boy dinner and head to work( I worked overnight).
    I get home about 830am my boy threw up all over the kitchen( which is where he stayed when I was at work).
    I tired to feed him, he refused to eat. It scared me because if he doesn’t eat I can’t give him his insulin. See if his sugars dropped too low he could go into hypoglosimic shock.

    I called my vet right away, he said take him for an hour walk and try again.
    I did … he didn’t wanna move my boy was lathargeic and miserable. For Liam this was off because even when he was sick he was still happy to see me and playful to a point.
    I called my vet back he told me bring him in and I did.
    Nov 29 Liam got an iv and some injections and some medications.
    Took him home next day still bad.. so I take him back today I spend all day 8-6pm at the vet with him. Sitting in the back kennel beside him. Holding his iv hoping for some good signs. Nothing…..
    I was exsausted. My vet was off this day and his filler was in.. she gave him his insulin and some more injections and told me to come back tomorrow cancell his netuer.
    I got home at this point I had to carry Liam. He was to weak to walk.
    I laid him down in my bed.
    I told him I loved him.
    My other two dogs were in the room too.
    I decided I needed a bath I was dirty, tired and stressed to the max.
    I told him I would be back soon and went to have a bath.
    About 930pm I went back into my room after I got out.
    He was just laying there. Gone…
    I panicked and grabbed him and held him. Listened for a heartbeat heard nothing.
    I vomited all over my bed.
    Called my gf and mom. I was home alone.
    I just payed there crying holding him for about an hour.
    The next day I took his body to the vets made my arrangements and said goodbye.
    Leslie was working, she has been there for as long as I can remember. She cried and told me she was sorry they didn’t think he was going to pass.

    He died December 1st the day of his surgery.
    My depression got worse I quit my job. I didn’t even sleep or go into my bedroom for about a month.

    Fast forward to march, I started working for a vet office near my home. Until yesterday I always wondered if I could have saved him and well now I know…

    Rewinding this story the reason my dog wouldn’t eat and got so sick was because he got pancreatitis from the fatty hamburger meat I was feeding him. When your dog is prone to gastro disease that’s like the worst thing you can give them.
    The vet gave him insulin before I left. I should have not had a bath. I should have watched my baby because more than likely he did go into a hypoglosimic shock.
    I could have saved him with some honey or corn syrup if I had been watching him… instead I was greedy and had a bath.
    What’s worse is I panicked and maybe I could have done cpr and gave him sugar and he might still be here.
    Worse feeling then that is, if I didn’t feed him that hamburger he probably wouldn’t have gotten sick and none of this would have happened.

    Now it’s 5 months later and it’s still killing my soul. Even as I decide to write this I cry. I’m 100% to blame.
    I just miss him and I wanna hold him again. I’d give anything to hear his putter of feet on my floor or his demon growl when you wake him up. To see his eyebrows give me that awkward look again.

    That’s my story I really hope no one else makes this mistake. It’s life changing and it’s not getting better. I still have nightmares and sleeping what’s that?

    • Gareth

      Hi Amber, I wanted to let you know that I read your story and am so sorry for your loss. Your relationship with Liam sounds so special. Your story is so complex with Liam’s condition and the medication / treatments you needed for him, but I felt compelled to tell you that YOU SAVED LIAM! He had a great life with you. You saved him from his miserable existence and you need to forgive yourself because you were not to blame for his death. You sound like a fantastic person and you took Liam away from a truly miserable situation and filled his life with love. God bless you and your boy Liam.

  • Naoki

    I lost my puppy when I was in primary school. I don’t have many friends if at all so I spend my time after school being with him any time I could. We’re like siblings to be honest. I share food with, play and bath him. Everytime I went home, it’s all him and him. He’s my friend and my sibling at the same time.
    So when I went out Sunday morning and wake him up from his nap to say hello before going to church, I didn’t expect that he would wake up then go out to resume sleeping under the car. My mother didn’t know any wiser and step on the pedal, breaking his neck flat but he didn’t die instantly and while I sit on the church, my mind was filled with thoughts on my dog. I went home and he’s still letting out some squeaking noises before my family take him away from me. I cry and cry and cry. My heart was totally wrecked with grief and most of all; guilt. By waking him up that morning, I killed my dog! My family didn’t understand why I am letting out tears and said things like “It’s just a dog, why are you crying?”. And proceed to give me a new puppy hours later. By God, I love dogs, I do, but at that moment I can’t help but cry harder when I look at that new puppy. I resent my family at that particular time, it’s like they giving me the new puppy as a replacement to him even tho maybe they just want to comfort me.

    However I resented myself more for waking my dog up and killed him. For not stopping my family to take the dog away while he is still squeaking out loud. I can still hear his squeaks of pain and it’s drowning me more into guilt and shame for not being besides him when he finally let out his last breath. I’m practically throwing him away cause he’s near death. He must have been alone and betrayed that I was not beside him. He must have letting his last breath out alone in a dumpster place surrounded by garbages. But he is not. I AM. And I hate myself for it. I’m not a good owner. Moreover not even a good friend and sibling. I’m that garbage.

    Till now I wasn’t able to attach myself to a dog. It’s like I don’t care that much about it anymore. My family got a group of dogs (they’re now in 5th generation), but after the 4th one, I’m just not in love anymore. My heart didn’t flutter like it used to..

    Even though I still think they are cute, now I look at cats more, but still I didn’t want to have another pets, or any other.. however much I want to. I don’t think I deserve them anymore.

    • Tony Milliken

      I know its hard not to blame yourself. I feel like I killed ny Pug. I woke up on a Friday morning to take him out to pee. He had spine issues so I carried him to go potty. Well, that morning I picked him up as I always did. But, something went way wrong, he flipped out of my hands and hit his head on the floor and died instantly. I still have that morning etched in my head. I still cry and blame myself. I did get another dog 3 weeks later, he is a Chug, he isnt my Bailey, but I do know how you feel. But, please try to realize it wasnt your fault. In life accidents happen every second. So, I am so sorry.

  • So so sorry

    My dog was murdered and its all my fault. Everyone keeps telling me these things happen and its nobodys fault but they are just trying to make me feel better. Valentines day my husband offered to make spaghetti for me, I said lets go to a buffet instead because I had already gotten dressed up and didnt want to stay at home. Our dogs yard has a door to the utility room that opens to the front yard and doesnt shut, so we put a table up against it with a heavy tool box on top so they dont pry it open. we cant leave them in the house alone because our front door doesnt lock from the outside and they can open it. I didnt block it correctly and it was a windy day, they got out while we were at dinner. Theyve gotten out before and we always find them within 5 minutes, just having fun around the neighborhood. its always terrifying and we are just weeks away from moving so we were just waiting it out. We found his sister within minutes, right by our house. But our sweet boy was gone for days. We did everything we could to find him, put up posters, posted online, called the shelters, searched and searched endlessly until we got a call that he was lying in a neighbors driveway motionless. he wasnt even a block away. the house was abandoned and his body was already stiff. he wasnt hit by a car, you couldnt even tell what the cause of death was. we had driven and walked by that driveway a million times since he went missing and for him to be stiff like that already I know he was dumped there and I believe he was poisoned. i dont know who would do it, maybe the neighbors didnt like him because he looked scary, maybe its someone that wants to hurt us. I dont know and its killing me. I am 7 months pregnant and my husband keeps telling me to stop crying because im going to kill the baby. my kids and dog are grieving a 5 year old dog that shouldnt have died, my husband is in mourning of the dog that was his before I even was. i keep seeing him everywhere. running up to me with that goofy grin, wrestling with no holdback because he was so stocky he could handle anything. he was a tough boy but so gentle he loved everything. he deserved so much better than this, to just be found dead in a random driveway. its not fucking fair. dogs are always running down our street why the fuck did someone have to kill our dog? why would they bring him back after hed been dead for days? why couldnt i just double check the door was blocked? why couldnt we just fix the fucking doors knowing our landlord wouldnt?? why couldnt i just not be a bitch and stay home and eat the spaghetti my husband offered to make? i fucking broke our family. my son was supposed to grow up with him! my dogs were brother and sister, born together and lived together they were supposed to grow old together why did i have to make so many horrible mistakes that led up to this? Im so so sorry, Indie. I hope your death was peaceful and quick and you’re running and playing in heaven. I will never forget your sweet beautiful face. I dont think ill ever forgive myself for what happened to you. Every time I look at your sister I see an empty space beside her. Its hardest when I wake up and youre not there. Oh god, this must be one of the worst feelings in the world, how do I live with this?

  • Antonio

    Please don’t judge, I already feel bad and guilty enough about my dog’s death. Here goes: In 2012 my girlfriend and I got kicked out of our luxury college apartment because I got a DUI on campus. My parents took my car and We had to move to a crappy apartment complex near a bus line in the hood. I was in a bad space, I completely lost myself when all my nice things got taken away. One day in November of 2012 I was looking for a pit bull puppy dog in the iWanta, found a post that read “6 week old champagne blue pit $100.” Met up with the guy and he has 3 puppies with him. Two of them were vibrant and ready to be adopted, but the champagne blue one was withdrawn and even turned its back to me–sumthin I will never forget. I bought the champagne one, took it home and named it Dallas. I became an alcoholic during this time period because I was so depressed. I verbally abused my dog Dallas and my girlfriend. I was upset that Dallas wouldn’t bark because that’s the main reason I got her at the time–we were living in a bad neighborhood and I wanted a dog to bark for us to fend off would be robbers. It frustrates alcoholic me greatly. My girlfriend left me in September of that year because I got in a drunken stupor and hit her, again. Now it’s just me and my dog Dakota. Me and the ex remained friends and even 4 years later she still tries to get me to admit that I purposely killed my dog –I DID NOT. But I am responsible. I have cried since the day it Happened..over and over and over. I feel so guilty and ashamed. I deserve all things bad and all the pain this world has to offer. I was in a terrible space back then, I didn’t even know myself because I completely changed when my circumstances changed. I have been crying like it just Happened for 4 years now. My ex tries to tell me that I in fact did not abuse my dog every day, or even every week or month for that matter. But the times I did were so severe that they have overridden any other memory I have of her. She tries to tell me that the dog was loved and I loved her and treated her good besides those isolated incidents (the things I said I did, were all I did). It makes me no difference. I am not on drugs or alcohol anymore for some time now, and I’m still 100% inconsolable about the situation. My dog deserves to be here and I deserve to die. My ex as well as my family have told me time and time again, that if I want to make up for it, treat Dakota good. And so I have. She’s almost 4 and has had the best life a dog could have. I taught her tons of tricks, she’s very smart. She’s been on vacations, endless car rides, walks everyday, toys, treats, met all my family, has had a birthday party every single year in which I even invite other animals. She is spoiled, and she knows love. That’s what troubles me the most about Dallas, she didn’t know love because of me. She was so afraid of me, she trembled when I walked by. I abused the dog and the woman. They were both perfect for me and I ruined it.
    Alcoholic me just couldn’t see their beauty. And now it’s gone forever. One thing that does make me feel 1/2 a percent better is when my ex tells me that NO ONE in the hood would have paid 160$ for 9 months straight for a dog, not in my hood. That $1440.00. She tells me that if we wouldn’t have gotten Dakota, she would be dead. I used to take Dakota to play with her siblings and sure enough, before Dakota was even one, they were all dead due to lack of care on the owners part. She tells me that I have known Dakota for 4 years now, and I only knew Dallas for 6 months and that I need to quit the guilt thing and put all that energy into loving Dakota. She tells me that “yes you are responsible for a life gone, but you are also responsible for a life saved.”
    It’s been 4 years since my dog died and I still cry every other day like a baby. How can I move on from this?

    • Darla

      I lost my Jack Russell last Saturday (one week tomorrow). He was my little boy, always with me. We were inseparable (in my mind). Then my husband found a 7-month-old female Cane Corso he wanted. Douce (the Jack) was not very amused. He was about 8 then & had always been the alpha, if not the only dog. They got into a few skirmishes, but nothing serious. Then they were best buds for 3 years. One day when my husband was working, I was working from home & cleaning the house. I let them outside like I had 1000 times before, & I heard a growl, so I went outside to intervene. When I hollered at them they always broke up, walked away, etc. Not this time. The Cane Corso grabbed my baby by the throat & there was nothing I could do. I kicked her as hard as I could, I broke a broom over her back & face trying to get her off my sweet little boy. I screamed until I was hoarse. Once I finally got her away I scooped him up in my arms & tried to make it to the ER clinic. But it was too late. My baby was gone.
      I loved Douce more than anything in the world. I would’ve died for him. Then I started to realize how shitty I was to my baby boy that loved me so unconditionally. I would get aggravated at something he’d torn up & scream at him. I pushed him to the side to go out with friends. I ignored him because I always had something more important to do. I fed him the best dog food, always took him to the vet for his checkups, made sure his Cushing’s Syndrome & levels were monitored, everything. But I didn’t give him enough attention. I put my needs before his. I have only realized this after losing the last good thing in my life. I was a terrible mom, the worst. I didn’t deserve that precious boy. I don’t deserve forgiveness, but I am so truly sorry. I am so sorry, Douce. You deserved so much better than me. You were always my sunshine, baby. I’m sorry if I made your world gray. ;( ;( ;( XOXOXOXOXOXO

      • Tony Milliken

        So, sorry but you did love the baby and he could of had a much worse life if he had gone to someone else.. I lost my Pug on March 3rd and thou I still feel guilty, he flipped out of my grasp hit his head and died..So, its going to be hard for a long time. But you were a good owner..

      • Gail Verster

        Darla,
        I am so sorry about your fur baby. I am also so happy that have found this website to read talk and share with people who loved their pets dearly.

        I have had two really heart breaking issues in the space of six weeks.

        Let me begin by explaining my situation I lived in South Africa on a lovely 5 acre property and loving dogs I acquired a number of them over the years. Unfortunately I didn’t live permanently in South Africa and due to work and at first I had someone stay in the house minding the dogs but turned out they weren’t suitable. So I had the outside dogs and the three little inside dogs.

        My sister lives on the same property and gave me a hand with all the dogs they were always fed and loved and when I went back there I would spend every second with them.

        As the years went by Shrek my sharpie passed away and so did Jessie a big dog and I managed to just about cope with that grief. There was Bear a big outside dog who was Jessie’s son, Dozy a Sharpie Shrekkie’s brother and then Romeo and Mimsie his sister and later Milo his son. Romeo and I were everything I have no kids I was his everything and he was mine. My little Prince who my heart belonged to we were inseparable whenever I was home.

        Firstly Dozy was going blind and really getting on in years he eventually had to be put down in January 2016 my niece went with him as I wasn’t able to be there. My next shock was that big bear had cancer and was rapidly deteriorating I kept him alive but eventually in March this year I felt he was suffering to much and flew home to spend time with him to say goodbye I went all the way with him I kisses him goodbye and told him I loved him when he went.

        I had to leave again to go back after I put bear to sleep not once did I thInk how Romeo missed Bear and that he would grieve and miss me at the same time. I wish I knew then what I know now I would have stayed a little extra time.

        In the meantime my aunt and the lady who lives on the property attending to the maintenance needs were living there and were told that Romeo, Milo and Mimsie were always to have access to the house my bedroom where they slept had a roll down gate so if they went out they could roll down the shutter and open the small door for the babies to come and go.

        Because Bear was a dog that protected the property we the man who shares this property as a holiday home decided we should get some more dogs. We went to a rescue and even though we had lovely heathy dogs they refused us because we had a lot of dogs already. We then spoke to my vet who we have a very healthy relationship with and he said if there were any rescues he would get in touch.

        The vet contacted me about two weeks after I had left to say he had a five month old big dog who had been abused and run down would I want him. I immediately said yes the dog had an injured leg I looked after that had him neutered and he went home to be slowly socialised with the other dogs. All went well he had been there for a month until easter Saturday my aunt sent me a text message. Herself and the maintenance lady hadn’t been at the house and Romeo had been killed nobody knew how but Bobo was found with his body and appeared to be eating him. I went into shock it was so bad and it’s gotten a little better since but my heart is torn from me.

        It bugs me I imagine all the time that he got bit badly and didn’t die immediately and wondered where I was as he was dying the mom he had been so loyal to and it’s torture it is continuous. I feel guilty I didn’t stay longer, that I didn’t realise Romeo would grieve for Bear that I didn’t realise he needed me and that the other outside dogs could fight over someone moving up in the ranks and that by rescuing that dog it was to soon for the dogs that were grieving. I also left Romeo in my aunts care he used to love a run outside and then to go and lay in the house.

        I will never be able to cuddle him again hear his sweet bark that he was able to make sound like he was saying Mama. His beautiful eyes and big ears. I’m really upset and feel responsible in some ways that my boys life ended to early.

        People tell me it will pass and get better but I can’t even face going back there with no Romeo to welcome me and run after me get his cuddles and tickles and comfort me. He had s beautiful personality such a calm and loving boy yet he really was possessive of me as I was of him.

        My friends are saying that I should take comfort that we shared such a beautiful love and that he was a happy boy who knew love in his lifetime. That at least he didn’t he sick and suffer and that he more than likely died quickly.

        I only hope that Romeo knows how sorry I am that I wish at least I could have held him when he died. That I’m still his mom and I’m going to miss him desperately. I would change so many things if I could.

        I hope Romeo seee I have rescued two dogs in the UK and that I give them a good life and that I often pledge to save dogs or at least share them on Facebook to get them out of shelters. I believe he would like that about his mom as he had a huge heart and loved life and all creatures. I am sad because I have contributed to saving so many dogs lives yet I couldn’t save my baby from such a cruel death and I’m angry he died all alone nobody will ever know if he suffered or could have been saved as he was left locked outside that day from 1130 until 1630.

        Thank you for reading this and if you have lost your baby under difficult circumstances it’s the hardest thing you will need to deal with really. Well it is for me anyway. I have lost not only dogs in the last 13 months but also relatives. Romeo was my son I love you forever my love Romeo RIP until I meet you on the rainbow bridge 😭

    • Ale

      Antonio,
      I hope you have found more peace regarding the death of your dog Dallas since your post… you were in a bad place back then and were not your real self. I think that can be told since you are no longer drinking and since you treat your dog Dakota so nicely and with so much love. We all regret our past mistakes, specially the ones who caused or we think caused harm to someone we love/d (specially for pets that depended on us for love and care, I feel the same). I hope you can find peace and move on from your guilt by knowing you have learned and will never make those mistakes again and so continue to love Dakota and care for her and focus all your love on her.

    • Sungazelle

      Antonio, I don’t know if you will ever see this. Sometimes life breaks us, and we go through the best we can as broken people. But people make mistakes that they regret, and if we are broken, we are more prone to making mistakes. But you have learnt from yours, and come out the other side a better man. So, the Antonio of today has to let go of the Antonio of yesterday, forgive him, and realise that the love you are putting into the world now is making up for all that you were not able to do before. So keep loving. Just don’t forget to love yourself as well. Because love is what heals. And you definatly deserve all the love that there is. 💖

  • Frederick

    Cybil was my first dog, we got her when I was only 3 or 4 years old and I still remember back then, she was so small, a bichon frise and the runt of the litter, she was the size of a hamster and she grew to be the perfect size to wear a breadbag as a jacket when it snowed.. I loved her so much and I don’t think i have ever been so sad as when it happened, she’d followed me out to the yard, ever since I moved out whenever I came home she’d follow me around everywhere, she didn’t want to let me out of her sight. She was 15 years old, deaf and going blind aswell as slow moving, in 15 years she’d always been fine around cars and truck, never had an accident, but not today. I keep reliving the moment I felt a this and threw the door open to see her flailing and silently screaming, I could only see her front half and I ran to her but then I saw how bad it was and I instantly knew there was nothing I could do.. I just started screaming, I kept telling her I was so sorry I held her while she died, she stopped flailing when she felt me touch her, she lay down but her eyes didn’t close.. I sat there screaming and crying for I don’t know how long until my dad came and made me get up and leave her.. I didn’t want to leave her I wanted her to be okay. I think I must have been in shock. I had come to terms with the inevitability of her passing, she was old, she’d lived a long and happy life, but the way it ended and being the reason for it is all too much.. I keep replaying it in my head, seeing her over and over. I don’t want to remember her like that I want to remember the little dog that used to wait on the veranda for me to come home after school, and who would run out to my car when I came back after moving out, and who used to be so content just laying with me. She was the epitome of unconditional love and it hurts more than anything to know I was the one behind the wheel. I know that she knew how much I loved her, I know that if she was okay that none of what happened would matter and that she’d be straight back to me kicking and cuddling.. I just can’t forgive myself. I don’t know how.

  • Angie

    I’ll never forget the feeling of being woken up by the sound of a loud thump and scratching noises in the middle of the night. I flipped on the light and was horrified. My 110 pound lab/shepherd mix dog Charlie had fallen off the bed in his sleep and was having his first seizure on the floor. I instantly started to cry because I had no idea what to do to help my friend. After a couple minutes it stopped, and he got up and paced around and seemed to return to his normal self shortly after. My boyfriend and I took him to the vet and we were told to notify them if he had another episode. Eventually he had another one, and was diagnosed with canine epilepsy. The vet told us to keep a log of when he had them, how long they lasted, and to let them know if he began to have more than one in an episode. When he started having 2 a few minutes apart, they told us that if he had more than 2 episodes in a month or if they lasted more than 5 minutes that we’d talk about putting him on seizure meds. Sometimes Charlie didn’t have any in a month, and even went 3 months without having any at one point. So we continued to log when he’d have them and they never got any worse until a few months ago. My boyfriend mentioned he had had 3 in one episode, but they were short, so we didn’t think to contact the vet. About 4 weeks ago, I was sleeping in bed with my arm around Charlie, and woke up to that horrible feeling of him shaking. I got him off the bed as fast as I could because he would pee during his seizures. Then it stopped a couple minutes later, and he did his usual pacing around until he seemed to come back to reality. I even played ball with him for a few minutes thinking everything would be fine. About 45 minutes later, he had a second one. My boyfriend was working a midnight shift that night, so I text him and let him know. Charlie seemed very anxious and didn’t seem to be getting back to normal as fast this time, and about a half hour later, he had another one. I started to get worried and told my boyfriend we need to take him to the vet when he got home and tell them we want to put him on the seizure meds. Then Charlie had another one, and another one, and it seemed like every 5 minutes he’d have another one, until he laid down out of exhaustion. I was horrified and panicked. I asked my boyfriend if he could come home ASAP and help me get Charlie in the car to get him to emergency. He weighs more than me and there was no way I could do it myself. He couldn’t leave work for another 2 hours, and this was at 3:30am. No one was around to help. I called my brother and got no answer. I was completely alone watching and hearing my best friend continuously seize and there was nothing I could do. I thought I’d get him in the car once way or another, I can’t stand to watch him go through this. I went out to try to put the seats down in my car, but ended up slipping off my icy porch and falling on my butt on the driveway, realizing there was freezing rain everywhere and a layer of ice covering my car. I knew then there was no way I’d be able to get him in the car. I just began sobbing because it just felt like everything was stacked against me that night and there was nothing I could do for my buddy. This, what seemed to be a continuous seizure at this point, lasted about 45 minutes. I could feel Charlie’s heartbeat racing and once in a while he’d pant for a few seconds in between. I kept walking away for a minute at a time because it was so painful to watch him suffering and feel so helpless. My boyfriend called one last time and asked what was happening, and I walked out in the living room and saw his breathing had almost completely stopped, and I knew he was about to die. I paced around for a minute, and checked again, and told my boyfriend Charlie was dead. I hung up and layed on the floor crying until my boyfriend got home. Charlie was the best dog I ever had. He was everything I could ever ask for and more. He was big and beautiful, playful, cuddly, smart, and fun. He was my best friend, always at my side, always happy to see me. I took him everywhere I could, walked him everyday, took him to parks and beaches. People were scared of him because he was this big black dog, but they’d always be surprised to find out how friendly he was. I feel so empty without him, and the memory of that night are all over the house, everywhere I look. I keep asking myself, why didn’t we just tell the vet we didn’t want to wait any longer and just ask them to put him on seizure meds earlier? And that night he died, I had this half hour window before he couldn’t walk anymore that I could’ve gotten him in the car and to emergency and maybe he’d still be here. What was I thinking? Why didn’t I recognize that it was becoming an emergency at that point? I feel like I let my friend down and I didn’t protect him like I should have. I had no idea he was going to die that night, and I just wish I could go back in time. It hurts so much, I miss my Charlie Bear, I loved him with all my heart. I feel so awful I couldn’t help him, I’m so sorry buddy.

  • Sonja Post author

    I’m still in the guilt, regret and doubt phase of my dog dying. Grief comes in waves. I couldn’t bear to see my dog’s things around the house so I gave them to a friend who has a young dog. I keep reliving the last moments of my dog dying and wonder if I was two days late (as in “better a month early than a day late.”)

    My veterinarian was supposed to come to my home and put my dog down – she was 15 years old and it was time. But my vet had to go on a two day conference, so I said we could wait until her return. But my dog got worse the next day, and I had to rush her to the secondary veterinarian. I liked her, she was a kinda and compassionate vet, but I regret not asking my own veterinarian to put my dog to sleep before she left.

    I held my dog during the sedative part of the euthanasia. It was my first experience with a dog dying. But then I couldn’t bear it and let the veterinarian put her on the table and complete it. Of course, I couldn’t help but turn around and see my girl lying on her side with her eyes wide open and her personality/spirit/individuality gone, just gone. I regret that last look, and every time it comes to mind, I try to replace it with the image of my dog in my arms, relaxing finally, becoming free of pain and discomfort.

    It helps to write about the pain and guilt I feel about my dog dying. Memorializing, talking about “rainbow bridges,” bringing home an urn and other pet loss sentiments like that don’t work for me. Dead is dead, and now I suffer, but happily my dog isn’t suffering anymore. I will treaure my memories, try to reflect on the 15 years we had together and allow myself to go through the process of grieving, hoping it gets better soon.

    Thanks for listening.
    Sonja

  • Z

    I lost my best friend about six months ago. Rocky was a beautiful Maine coon man cat who had been with me for fifteen years. He was a birthday gift from a friend who got him for me in college, from a local shelter when he was about 6 months old. In February I noticed he was losing weight, although he seemed to be acting normal. I took him to the vet who didn’t seem to think there was anything to be alarmed about. He had gone back to his normal SO food after a scary bout of pancreatitis. I wanted to believe the food change was the reason but a good part of me thought something could be wrong.I also had a very scary dream about him being sick and dying. A month or two after I had him into the vet, about 3 months into the weight loss, he seemed to be squinting and his eye was puffy. I took him to the vet and after it didn’t clear up after a week I took him to a specialist. In the span of two months he was at the specialist 5-6 times. They said they thought was caused by the herpes virus, which it had been suggested earlier, because of his nasal and respiratory issues he may have. I even took him to the only other specialist in town because I wanted a second opinion. He had never had eye issues like this before. At the end of June one of the older specialists at the practice saw him for the first time and said there was something seriously wrong and it was a systemic issue. I had all the tests ran on him, for various specific diseases and nothing came up. An ultra sound was done on his intestine to see if he had lymphoma. The test was inconclusive, and showed a slight thickening of his intestines. He was put on prednisolone. For the next two months it was down hill. His eye developed glaucoma and then the other eye. He was in effect blind and losing weight. One morning he wouldn’t get up and I took him into the vet. He was giving a pain killer shot which made him incredibly loopy. The next day I took him into my regular vet. She suggested I put him down right then, she felt he was suffering. I could not do it, and took him home, saying I needed a bit more time with him. I took him to an internal specialist who said the eyes could be related to small cell lymphoma and said I could try giving him chemo pills. She basically advised against it as they didn’t know how he would respond and there had been no definitive diagnosis. I thought about it for two days and finally decided to try them. He was on them for a week. On Friday he came to the door to see me which he hadn’t done in weeks and even wanted to go wander in the yard. I was hopeful the pills were working. Then on Sunday he stopped eating and began to vomit every time he drank water. I had the vet come to my house that evening to have him put to sleep. I can’t even remember clearly saying good bye to him. I was crouched over him with my face against his side. I felt tremendous guilt at first about putting him to sleep. Now the guilt rests with the realization how much I let this sweet creature suffer for the last few weeks and perhaps if I had acted sooner or been more persistent at the beginning maybe it would have ended differently. I don’t know if I caused the vomiting because of the chemo pills I forced on him, or if the disease finally caught up with him. The pills were the last chance, none of the other vets could offer anything else at that point. The last few weeks were a blur, I wasn’t sleeping or eating and I wasn’t thinking clearly. We had been through two bladder stone surgeries, hyperthyroidism and pancreatitis. The pancreatitis was a very precarious situation and I was afraid then I was going to lose him, it took several months for him to recover. He finally did though and was healthy, happy and back to his old self. I think because of this, and my own selfishness of not being able to say goodbye, I thought that he could beat it, we would find an answer. When I think now of how miserable he was, and the pain he had to have been in I feel incredibly guilty. He was my gentle giant, he saw me through the worst times of my life and loved me unconditionally. I know in my heart he would forgive me, but I can not forgive myself. I should have given him a better death and not let him suffer so. Our little house is empty without him. I love him miss him so very much.

  • LD

    I saw Rocket’s picture in the adoption centre website and fell in love. He had big beautiful eyes and looked like he had black eyeliner. I just had to have him. So on Sunday my husband and I drove to the adoption centre to meet Rocket. He was a very nervous Smithfield Cattle dog X and they said he was very scared of males, but he liked my husband Simon straight away…well it seemed like it at the time. We brought our old girl Tilly to meet him to, and though they didn’t get excited and play together, there was no animosity. So we adopted Rocket and brought him home. I went out and bought him a new bed and blanket. The first night was lovely. He was nervous but happy to be away from all the noise of barking dogs and people at the adoption centre. I worked from home on Monday and after our big walk in the morning he spent the day at my feet while I sat at the computer. On Tuesday i went in to work late so I could give him another big walk and spend some time with him. But I had meetings at work in the afternoon so I put him in the bathroom with his mat and a bowl of water. My husband came home from work early so Rocket wasn’t alone for long. Rocket was growing more nervous of my husband though. The adoption centre had told us he was scared of males and now he was really starting to show that fear. I got home in the evening and Rocket wouldn’t leave my side. Wednesday I had another meeting at work and Simon said he didn’t feel that well, so I went to work and left Simon home with the animals. After my meeting, which finished at about 3.30 pm I saw a heap of missed calls on my phone and a text message. It was from Simon. He’d gone out to the shops to grab a few things and didn’t think it was necessary to put Rocket in the bathroom. When he got home Rocket was at the front door. He says he felt good for just a moment that Rocket had greeted him at the door. But Rocket’s nervousness kicked in and he shot straight past Simon and out the door and up the street. Simon dropped the shopping and started to run after him. But then he realised he’d left the front door open and our other animals would get out. He went back to shut the door and then tried to go back to get rocket but by this time he didn’t know which direction he’d run. The traffic was so bad on my way home from work. Rocket had run away around 2-2.30pm. I didn’t get home until 5.30pm. Simon had been driving around the neighbourhood searching for Rocket. I did the same when I got home. I also walked for hours. Then drove around again. We couldn’t find him anywhere. I spent the night crying and barely sleeping. I’d also shared Rocket’s pic all over every single local Facebook page I could find. Lots of people shared my posts which was very nice of them. Thursday morning I printed a heap of lost dog posters and walked around the neighbourhood posting them on poles and benches and bins. Then I had to go to work again for more stupid meetings. A little after 12pm I got a phone call. The call I’d been dreading. We live pretty close to the train line and there are empty paddocks and paths right next to it. Rocket was such a nervous dog he would have run away from people toward the paddocks. But I can’t drive in the paddocks and it’s hard to see that far. Anyway, the call was from a lovely train driver. She was in tears as she told me she hit a dog fitting Rocket’s description (she’d seen the facebook posts which is how she knew tocall me). She’d tried to get him to run away but he was too slow or panicked or whatever and zigged when he should have zagged and went under the train. The train driver followed her work procedures and reported the incident. Another company came to retrieve the body and drove it all the way across the other side of the city to their depot or wherever. She gave me their number. I had the stupid meeting to go to so I called my husband and told him. He called the number and arranged to go and view the body. An hour and a half later he calls me in tears. The dog is definitely Rocket. He is dead. The beautiful doggy with the big eyes we’d ‘rescued’ just four days earlier is now dead. He was only 16 months old. I was going to rehabilitate him and help him become a happy and confident dog. Now he is gone. Why didn’t I arrange to dial in to the meeting on Wednesday? I didn’t need to be there face to face. If I hadn’t gone to work Rocket wouldn’t have run away and he’d still be alive. My husband really isn’t coping. He is wracked with guilt and shame for allowing Rocket to escape like that. I’m working through my anger and will absolutely forgive my husband, especially since he is so sickeningly angry at himself. When I got home from work on Thursday my husband had been drinking himself into oblivion since he got home after viewing Rocket’s lifeless body. I’ve never seen him in such a drunken mess. He vomited on himself and I had to help him into the shower and get him to bed. I think he’s going to need counselling for this. I’m also 14 wks pregnant and I’m finding it difficult to balance my anger and grief with looking after Simon and trying to stay healthy for the baby. I know it’s barely been a day and maybe time will give us some perspective but right now it just seems like life is a big murky black cloud. I feel like we should never have gone to adopt Rocket. He might have found a better home. One without a man in it. A woman who would have protected him far better than I did. And then I think of all the money I spent adopting him and buying him his new bed and stuff. And I feel guilty i haven’t saved that money for the baby. Then I feel guilty about feeling guilty because Rocket’s life was priceless. This household is a mess.

  • Laurie Post author

    I’m so sorry that you lost your dog, and that you’re dealing with so much guilt on top of your grief. It’s heartbreaking to lose a member of the family, and it’s worse to feel that somehow you contributed to your dog pain and death. I’m so sorry for your loss.

    Getting over the guilt and learning how to forgive yourself is a process that requires a daily effort. It isn’t usually a one time thing. It’s painful and long but there is freedom and light at the end of the tunnel. You can heal from your guilt and grief, and you will feel happy and light again.

    Last night my husband and I were talking about “forgiveness of others” versus “self-forgiveness” just last night. Did you know that it is harder to forgive ourselves that it is to forgive others? When we hurt or abuse others, we cause them pain…and we can’t erase or heal their pain. This makes it more difficult to know how to stop feeling guilty and ashamed about what we did. But when somebody hurts us it’s easier to forgive them. Why? Perhaps because we can heal, grow, and even find the good in the pain. But when we hurt others, we don’t necessarily know how their healing process is unfolding. We only see the pain we caused, not the beauty that God grows from the pain.

    I don’t know if it would help you to read more information on dealing with guilt and grief, but I recently wrote a related article:

    How to Stop Feeling Guilty and Ashamed About What You Did
    https://blossomtips.com/how-to-stop-feeling-guilty-ashamed-of-what-you-did/

    May you find healing and forgiveness, hope and faith. May your grief and guilt start to fade, and may it be replaced with a sense of peace and forgiveness that surpasses all understanding. May you know deep in your heart that your dog still loves you every bit as much as when you were together here on earth. What remains is your dog’s soul and spirit, and there is no pain or suffering left.

    May you choose to work towards healing and self forgiveness, and may you be blessed with joy, love, and compassion for yourself and others.

    xo
    Laurie

  • MelP

    1. Write a story about what happened to your dog, including how you felt about yourself and others involved before, during, and after the loss of your dog. You can share your experience below, in the comments section. Read through the comments – you will see that you are not alone.

    Prince was diagnosed with cancer in 2011. I had constantly had his lump tested to see if it was cancer and the Dr. always came back with confirmation that it was just a fatty tumor, benign. Then suddenly the shape of tumor became different and indeed it was cancer. I felt angry that it had not been caught before as the specialist told me he believed it to be a slow growing cancer. I successfully had the tumor removed after several treatments of radiation. Then during a routine check of his lungs because chances of the cancer spreading were possible another lump was discovered in his lungs. I had the lump removed which turned out not to be cancer.
    Prince went on, older and frailer now but he still loved his parks and he was my heart. He loved life and loved me and I loved him.
    Prince started not to want to eat and I went through a year of anguish as I tried everything. His front leg was arthritic and I had it treated with radiation, which was, suppose to help. Prince developed high liver values and I frantically took him to be tested every 2 weeks and had him on a series of antibiotics fearful he would die. The doctor I put my trust in was not good I believe for the ending doctor told me his liver values were not a concern and gave me a steroid for him. He began to eat. And then he started to not be able to get up or sit down by himself. He would flip and flop like a fish out of water. It broke my heart and I could tell he was frustrated and fearful, as he must have felt vulnerable. I tired to console him and would take him everywhere with me. I feel I failed him because now I believe it was really stenosis causing him the pain which would not allow him to sit or stand by himself. He could not sleep through the night so I tried to ease his pain with drugs. I had him on many drugs; one to sleep, one for pain, one for eating. I finally put him down on 3/25 literally hoping that God would raise him up as he had Jesus. I was desperate and I didn’t want him to suffer any more. But I didn’t know what he was going through and these days I believe I truly made a mistake. I think I drugged my dog and thought he was dying when it really was just the drugs. Prince was and is my heart. He was everything wonderful, beautiful, and kind. I feel awful and cry everyday as I just wish I could have helped him correctly. I took him to the dr far too much and still I was too dumb to know what was wrong with him. I allowed my fear and lack of knowledge to sway me into trusting a doctor that didn’t serve him well. Prince is dead, I killed him. I try not to think of this way, but in the end that is how I see it. I should have tired harder to save him, to make him well. Instead I feel I gave up on him and killed him. He was and will always be my favorite in life. He was 100% pure and beautiful.

    • FG

      I had a dog named peewee, she was best friends with my other dog Maggie. I was a little girl at the time and peewee had cancer, peewee was a smaller dog and I don’t remember her breed.
      Peewee was so smart she played hide and go seek with my other dog and she was so nice.

      One day peewee was laying with me after a long day of playing and she died in my arms. I miss her so much still.
      And also I am sorry for your loss of your dog. 💕

      • Tony Milliken

        Its so hard, but I find comfort to a degree thinking about other pets who get killed by a vehicle of someone who has a lost pet, with no closure.. I miss my Bailey, but he and your was with us when they died.

  • F. Akechi

    Around the 2009 I was 10 years old. By that time I had a puppy named tails. His name was bc he always followed us like a tail. He was a kind and so cute puppy. He liked to play too much. White and black was his skin. I loved him so much and I still do. One day, my mom went out of the house and then I followed she. Tails went after me, running so happy as ever. At the another house it was a car, and under it a big dog hidden. I heard him and happy turned my head only to see how that motherf**ker dog went out of the car and bit him in the neck and ran away. I approached him with tears in my eyes. He was shaking himself. Crying and bleeding too fast. I saw him dying in front of my eyes. And why? BC OF MY F**KING FAULT. I WAS TOO STUPID. I SHOULD HAVE THINKED THAT HE WAS GOING TO FOLLOW ME.
    I get sad when I think about him. I’m crying right now. When I remember him I cry. When I remember his eyes seeing of mine with his tears on them my heart full of grief. I hate myself bc I couldn’t avenge him. He didn’t deserved it. He never harmed anyone. I love him so much

    • Arriyonna

      i’m a fourteen year old girl who is feeling so much guilt because i caused my dogs death. it all started today literally today my mom had gone to the store to get food while we stayed home , my 3 month old puppy was on my moms bed just chilling out but then she started squirming around which usually means she has to use the bathroom, i let her outside thinking she would go use the bathroom and come back to the door barking which usually means she wants to come back inside. i waited and waited for her to bark but i heard nothing my mother was back by this time cooking us dinner when she had asked for harmony ( our puppy) i had went to the door and opened it and started calling her name over and over but we still got nothing , by this time i was freaking out thinking some one took her or maybe she ran away , so me and my brother went outside searching for her we checked the back and the front , we were in the front yard when my brother said he saw something laying down on the side of the road we ran over in a panic hoping it was her , but it was her neck was twisted and she had guts pouring out of her we ran inside yelling for our mom we were to shocked to start crying but when my mom had went outside and she picked her up yelling and crying , i shattered i was crying so hard that my legs gave out i was constantly asking god why why take our pride and joy away from us she was so precious. when we all went inside i just sat there thinking over and over i caused my dog to die i killed her , why god do you hate us are you punishing us , are you even real? i hate myself so much i just feel like dying , she could still be alive if only i didn’t let her outside if only if i was watching her closer. she did get hit but what i didn’t understand is if she was hit by a car why wasn’t she in the road it look like someone picked her up and layed her on the ground. …. but can someone please tell me what to do to help with the guilt i’m dying.

  • Tonya

    Saturday, December 30, 2016, I lost my baby boy. He was born on January 24, 2010. I had him since he was three months old.
    I walked outside of my home because someone had left a large bag of trash directly across the street (next to a fire hydrant) from my home. I went to retrieve the trash because I have such an A-type personality, it infuriated me. This hadn’t been the first time. I walked out thru the garage door and my Zynzi was tagging along behind me, as he always did when I walked out front to get the mail every day after getting home from work, or taking him to potty, or doing yard work. He never walked into the street..never. Zynzi proceeded to, what I call, his “piss pole,” which is the utility pole that actually sits in my front yard right before you get to the sidewalk in front of my home. I quickly crossed the street, picked up the large bag of trash that had been dumped. I did not know what was in the bag, so I did not want to take it and put it in my garage or anywhere on my property so I stepped behind the trees that sit in the field right behind the fire hydrant and as I turned around and began walking back to the house, I noticed that my Zynzi began to walk into the street. I started walking toward him and yelled, “Zynzi, get your butt back on the sidewalk!” As I said this, I noticed a white SUV barreling down the street, I locked eyes with my 8 lb. apricot shih tzu, and the next thing I knew he flew and landed in the street.
    I screamed, “You killed my baby…You killed my baby!” I, immediately, picked his body up. His skull had been crushed and one of his eyes was hanging out of the socket. My baby had such beautiful eyes. He was gone. My life was over from this point forward.
    The lady stopped her car further up the street and came back. I asked her why she was speeding, and she said that he just ran out in front of her, which I knew was a lie. Then she asked why he was not on a leash. I wanted to kill her–I, probably, would have if I didn’t have my baby in my arms and I did not want to let him go. I had not been taking my baby boy for a walk, why would he need a leash.
    The lady left as I went running screaming into my home. She did not call the police and file an accident report, or anything. I think she must have had something to hide. I think she was texting because she had to see him, I saw her and she was so far up the street. She had plenty of time to stop. She didn’t even try to swerve. She not only ended my beautiful boy’s life that day, she ended mine, as well.
    My baby died in the most horrific way possible, all because I wanted to pick up freaking trash!!!

    Zynzi was much more than a dog to me…he was the son I never had. I want to be with him. I cannot eat, I cannot sleep, I cannot function. I kissed his body, one last time yesterday before he was cremated. His remains sit next to me on my night stand in the bedroom where he spent most of his time. I slept with the urn that holds his ashes last night, with his pillow and his two favorite stuffed animals, Raffi and Minnie. It wasn’t the same. I am physically ill and I do not know how I am going to make it through this. It is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life!
    Every time I think about him or look at pictures or videos of my beautiful baby boy, I revert back to the images of his face and what was done to my beautiful baby. People have tried to comfort me in their own way, by stating how their dog died from old age, an illness, or ran away. I get angry because my dog died a gruesome, horrible death and HE DID NOT DESERVE TO GO LIKE THIS! I cannot bring him back and I cannot change what happened. I feel like I will forever be in this excruciating pain, both mentally and physically…please help.

    • Tinny

      Hi Tonya,

      Reading your story made me have flashbacks of my baby. Taylor, just one year old was hit by a car speeding on Friday, 30th Dec 2016. I am in Australia.

      There was a hole in the fence and my boyfriend, a friend and I let our three babies play together. As they were being supervised and they were so happy together we didnt think they would care to run out. Our girl did and was hit so hard, her back was broken and lung punctured. The 4wd was speeding and they didnt even leave their details and driver did not get out the car as we rushed to the vet… we had to let her go.

      I have my boy who was raised with Taylor since 7weeks crying the last few days.

      I understand your pain and guilt and I am so, so, sorry. Your baby sounds like he loved you so much, just as my Taylee girl loved me. Ive lied awake at night replaying the moments in my mind, coaching how to get through the pain. It seems very lonely in the house doesnt it 🙁

      Its just an empty feeling that doesnt go away and feels like your chest is being constantly tightened…

      I am thinking of you and i am here to chat if you want to let it all out xxx

    • Tonya

      Thank you, Tinny. It helps me to talk to people who, unfortunately, know what I am going through. I hate feeling this way. It feels like nothing will ever be the same.

      I just got home, it is 10 pm here in Michigan. Normally, I would rush home from work and be home no later than 4:30 pm because I had my baby waiting for me to come home. I try and stay out as possible because I break down when I get home, it is so eerily quiet. I find myself still looking for him to be waiting for me at the door to come home from work, tail wagging, ready to go out to potty.

      Initially, Zynzi was supposed to be a pet for her when she turned 16 yrs. old…He turned out to be my gift from God. After my daughter left for college, I would have been so lonely without him. I guess he kind of took my daughter’s place at the time. I had to nurture and take care of him, in place of my daughter who had left to go to college and venture into adulthood. He was and will always be my son, my best friend, my love.

  • Yung.b

    I was forced to take my furbaby lola to the shelter because she was very aggressive and i suffered depression so weeks after i bought my furbaby nallah at 4 weeks old and i took very good care of her. I also had already had a 2 month old pitbul. December 15 of this year i left my dogs tied up , (nallah was a little bigger now and ) because i needed to go to walmart and i had the kids in the back so i could not take them with me . I took no more than 20 minutes , when i got home i seen that some how my two furbabys were tangled up and nallah was strangled by her leash. I ran to the kitchen and tried to cut off the leash but i was a couple minutes to late to save her and she started bleeding out of her mouth and got blood all over herself and carpet. She took her last breaths in my arms and ever since then i just cry and cry. I did not mean for anything bad to happen and nothing ever happend when i left them tied up .. that same night i saw and felt nallah and she was licking my face and it was almost like if she was telling me its okay .. my other furbaby oreo was shaking and crying but when i saw her he had seen her too and calmed down. My boyfriend doesnt believe me but i know what i saw. Now the house is very quiet but i know she’s watching over her big brother and myself , i forgave myself because she forgave me .. it was a complete accident and now I’m scarred to get another puppy. I never want to experience the death of my dogs again , it hurt so much ..

    • Tinny

      I just lost my baby girl 2 nights ago. There was a small hole in the fence and she got out. I let her and my boy play knowing the hole was there, but thought it would be ok because they were supervised and occupied. Within 1min of her being out she was hit so hard and we had to say goodbye.

      She was in a lot of pain.. only 1 year old. She was so special. Reading all of these stories have bought me comfort and I know that I dont bare this pain alone.

      I hope everyone here knows I am thinking of them and sending them strength. Just as I hope you wish it for me.

      Our babies will meet us at the Rainbow Bridge. I hope there will be a day when I am ready to forgive myself, i hope Taylor can forgive me too.

      I love you Taylee Girl xxx I miss you and I am so, so sorry for what we did. For what I did… please forgive me. I love you x

  • Mercer

    Every night, my beloved Jack Russell terrier, Otis, would go into my fenced in backyard and explore, bark at scents of raccoons an possums and then come back in for bed.

    I’ve had a small, 2 foot deep pond that I’ve kept surrounded by a small fence since before I got this fellow nine years ago. I’ve known it was a potential hazard to OTIS, and even got some large stones to put on the bottom so it would be shallower. This past summer, the pond was full of frogs and I wanted to wait until later to put the stones in so as not to harm them. During the summer, I also pulled back a small section of the fence to have access to some limbs that had fallen in. I failed to put the fence back.

    Two weeks ago, Otis went out on his nightly safari and didn’t come back for a while, so I went in search of him. I even checked the pond as I passed it, so relieved he wasn’t there. I should have replaced the fence then, but I didn’t. I found Otis behind the shed, sniffing up a tree, and took him in.

    Thursday night this week, I let him out and went into my bedroom to play games on my iPad. I heard him barking as usual, but a few minutes later I heard what I believed to be his angry bark. I knew that was unusual, but I didn’t think it alarming, so I went back to my stupid games. A little while later, I thought, “it’s too cold for him to be out any longer,” so I went in search of him. I went behind the tool shed first and he wasn’t there. I got a bad feeling then and went towards the pond. I saw his floating body from a distance and in that horrible moment knew I’d lost my baby.

    It was an accident waiting to happen and my negligence and laziness cause his death. Those are facts. Not speculation. I am to blame and I am inconsolable. I can’t sleep or eat and am wracked with guilt and shame. I’ll never get another dog, I don’t merit the privilege. I loved this dog with every fiber of my being and he was all I had. He was my joy and sunshine. I feel so lost without him.

    • Dog Lover

      I’m with you Mercer. My comment is not far below. My little guy snuck around me when I was distracted and I went in without him. By the time I realized it he was in the pool. It’s been 2 months so I know that your understanding of the fact that he had been out there hundreds of times without incident will eventually help. It could happen to any of us as this page full of good people shows. It’s hard to stop beating yourself up but you’ll eventually realize that he’s not mad at you and would not want you to be mad at yourself. Hang in there bro. I still have an outdoor dog that lives in the yard and is never restrained along with our Dobie so I spent $1000 for a fence around the pool. We are also getting a new puppy as my wife can not be without a poodle. I am terrified, but I’ll have to get over it. You may feel that you have learned from the mistake and get another pup someday. Just hang in there for now. It gets easier with time. Dogs are unconditionally compassionate and would not want us to suffer.

      • Mercer

        Thanks. It’s not getting much easier, but I’m trying to think of how lucky I was to have him. I know I was a good mom to him most of the time. I jut pray I’ll get to see him again one day.

    • Tinny

      My comment is just above.

      I share your feeling of guilt…i knew there was a hole in the fence and let my babies play as there were being watched. My1year old healthy girl was hit so hard and we let her go. She was so scared.

      I hope we heal and forgive ourselves soon. I am definately going to seek someone to speak too.

      Babies come and touch our lives, i never knew how much we could love them xxxx

  • Sherry

    I lost my dog of 2 years right before Thanksgiving this year. She was sick for two years and I constantly took her to the vet. I took excellent care of my dog, Cookie. She was a beautiful border lab and was the most wonderful dog and loyal. They kept treating her with antibiotics and suspected pln but never really got to the root cause. I took her several times between Sept and Nov and the vet said no cause for alarm. She had severe uti symptoms for several weeks and after taking meds I pointed out to vet that she had a cough. He dismissed it. Several days later she started coughing and going into labored breathing. The vet was closed. I called his emergency contact number and they would not see my dog without a huge credit card limit. I spent thousands on her in process of two years. I lost my rat terrier of 12 years due to liver shut down two November’s ago. My nephew was killed at 16 years of age last Christmas. So this just happened and I cannot get past it. My dog sort of acted like she wanted to play or eat and drink but had labored breathing and exercise intolerance. But at home she started going into rapid breathing. I tried to rush her to the hospital but she passed in my car. My vet said there was nothing I could have done as it was fluid in lungs or clot and she had been sick a lot. But I feel horrible in that she suffered or I was not able to let her go peacefully. I cannot get that image out of my head. ..I loved my dog very much. She kept me great company.

  • Laurie Post author

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Cecilia, and for the guilt and pain you feel over your dog’s death. Losing a beloved pet is incredibly difficult, and there are no easy ways to heal.

    The grieving process is slow and painful. Even time doesn’t heal all wounds – I really believe that the grief we feel over losing our dogs never completely goes away. Grief is like that. It sets up a little home in our hearts, and reminds us of the loved ones we lost.

    The key is to allow your grief to remind you of the joy and love you felt with your dog. Instead of letting your grief and guilt over your dog’s death eat you up from the inside, you need to learn healthy ways to cope and heal.

    Other than the tips for dealing with the loss of a dog – and dealing with guilt – that I shared in this article, I don’t have deeper or more specific advice. I encourage you to talk to a grief counselor and read books on the grieving process. Sometimes there is more going on underneath the surface, such as unprocessed grief and guilt from the past, that affects our current loss. Sometimes those old traumas rear up when we’re dealing with pet loss, and they prevent us from healing.

    What do you think about talking to a counselor or therapist about healthy ways to grieve the loss of your dog?

  • Cecilia Kremer

    My beautiful, sweet, 15 yr. old dog, Koky, ate a plastic bag from a rotisserie chicken. We did not know this happen (apparently she got it from the garbage can if she managed to open the cabinet where we keep the garbage, or she stole it from the countertop where my husband was cutting the chicken. We don’t know. About three days later, she started vomiting, or better said, regurgitating. She did this three times so I decided to take her to the emergency room. At the animal hospital, they put her on IV fluids since she was starting to get dehidrated from so much regurgitation and they did lots of tests. The X-rays showed a blockage in her small intestine. They could either remove it by surgery (which we all agreed it was not prudent, considering her advanced age), or we could wait and see if she would get rid of it by herself. Koky had had knee surgery (ACL) in the past, when she was 7 yrs. old and then the second knee, half a yr later. She also had a third surgery, when she was 13 yrs old, because her body started to reject the plaque placed in one of her knees many yrs ago. Back to the present, now, ag age 15, one day after she was in the hospital, we decided we were going to put her to sleep because her body could not discharge the material blocking her intestine (then, we did not know what the obstacle was). One of the vet doctors, suggested to wait until the morning. So we did; we kept her one more night in the hospital. They let me take her out for a walk during my second visit of the day and, now that she was after a whole day of intense IV fluids, she was happy and walking quite well, in spite of her osteoarthritis. Still, she could not pass any food or water because of the blockage. In the morning, there were no changes. We started making arrangements for putting her down. We were all mourning. We cried and cried and starting saying goodbye. Thirty minutes after we started making arrangements, we get a call from a vet, letting us know, super excitedly, that Koky just defecated the obstacle, which then, we all learned, was a plastic bag (they kept it and showed it to us and we realized it was the plastic bag from the chicken). Koky was discharged from the hospital and we brought her home. We had tickets to fly to our family’s place for Thanksgiving the next day. I really wanted to stay and let my husband and two boys (already young adults, in their mid- twenties) fly to our Thanksgiving family reunion by themselves. The veterinarian said it was okay to leave Koky with the pet sitter as originally planned. I spent that entire day with Koky. She was cheerful and happy as always. Our boys, who had been mourning a few hours earlier, could not believe how well Koky looked and acted, as if nothing had happened to her. She was full of energy, eating and drinking as always. Once again, and in spite of seeing her well, I did not want to leave her alone, i.e., without any of us, and leave her with her pet-sitter. When I said, I felt I needed to stay, everyone started to tell me, “please don’t; Koky will be fine. Even the vets told you, it’s ok to leave her as originally planned”. My husband kept telling me that, not just them (he snd our boys) but also the family we were going to visit would feel bad if I stayed back home. We ended up leaving Koky with a pet-sitter. We spent three nights out. The first and second day, I received messages and pictures of Koky from the pet sitter. She was happy and having a great time. The third day though, the sitter texted me, letting me know Koky was acting strange. She wouldn’t get up at all. She carried her out and she peed but stayed right there, where she was placed, without giving a single step. We were flying back that night. We landed around midnight and asked the sitter to pick up Koky even if it was that late. She had Koky on her bed, all wrapped up and resting peacefully but when she saw me, she did not stand up, just briefly raised her head and wagged her tail a little bit. I tried to put her up but she could not hold herself up. I brought her home and she was so weak she couldn’t even lay down on her own. Her eyes looked worse than ever (during the last year her eyes became bluish instead of the dark bkack defined color and we think she didn’t see well. Today, her eyes looked even paler, almost transparent. She also had lost her sense of hearing 100% and her osteoarthritis was bad…I was carrying her up and down the stairs every day). Today, however, she wasn’t even able to keeo her body up, or, if I tried to stand her up, her legs would tremble and could not lay down. We ended up taking her to the animal hospital and we put her to sleep. I feel TERRIBLY GUILTY that I wasn’t with her this last day, when she suddenly became so sick. I still don’t understand how this happened, just a few days after she was so cheerful and energized. How come we came back and she was trembling on the pitter’s bed, lovingly covered with blankets, but without anh energy, almost dead…i feel terrible, terrible, terrible that I wasn’t with her this last day. I really wanted to stay but felt my family (immediate and extended) would feel bad about it and/or would judge me, saying I was being ridiculous (some could not understand the closeness we get to our pets). Instead of doing what I wanted to do, I did what others wanted me to do and now, I don’t know how to forgive myself from not being with Koky during this last day of her life, while she was, seemingly, slowly dying. I feel I “abandoned” her when she needed me the most. I probably could not have done anything ti reverse thf situation but at least, I would have been with her and that is what is making me feel so, so, miserable. I have read lots of articles about meditation, thinking about everything J did for Koky during her 15 yrs of life. Etc, but I cannot take away from my mind, the fact I eas not here with her, during her lasy day, except for putting her down (surrounded by alm of us and her favorite toys). Any suggestions to help me would be greatly appreciated.

    • Dog Lover

      We love our pets because they are unconditionally compassionate. She would not want you to suffer. 15 years is a great accomplishment in a dangerous world. Often times we cant get near our human relations in their final moments. She would forgive you. It’s more than likely she wouldn’t have been aware of what was going on. I’ve also heard stories about dogs that went out to a quiet spot to die, because they didn’t want their owner to be there or to see them suffer in the end. If she was surrounded by her favorite toys, you did all you could. Just hang in there for now. Each day gets easier.

  • Juan

    Hello. Two days ago my dog died in an accident. He was about 10 years old, he was a small dog and the most caring and loyal one. I have a lot of guilt because that morning a friend of mine calls me to see if he can come over so that I could lend him a tool that he was needing. I tell him it’s ok. When he arrives, I open the front door and think for a moment “maybe I should go alone” (leave the dog on the house), but he haven’t gone out yet, so he comes with me following me. I go and get the tool in the garage while my friend is with my dog outside. Then, the dog is around while we chat and say goodbye. My friend gets in on his truck and starts doing reverse, I noticed my dog is not around so I tell him to stop and there he was, one of the tires was already stepping on my little dog, so I take hime cautiously and cover him in my shirt and we go running to the vet but he died. So’ I’ve been grieving. He was always by my side. I have done things like these a million times and never even close to an accident. I think he decided to cross underneath the car because it was a high pick up truck. I said sorry to him a million times. I’m crying all the time. My friend feels bad, and I know he was the one that put the car in reverse. But I’m taking all the blame in because I was his protector. The house feels so lonely without him. And the only thing I can think is that if it was a cleaner death or not an accident, I know the guilt probably would still be there, in terms of “what could have I done to make him last longer” or whatever, or if it was an illness then biologically there is some logic in understanding the death. But, when it is like this, an accident of this type, I think I will never overcome it. I know I gave him a good life, he was always there and I was always there for him, until two days ago. He was approximately 10 years old, but he had more years in front of him, he was a healthy dog. Sorry, for writing all of this here, but I’m trying to read and try at least to overcome whatever is possible. Another fact, is that I have two nephews that are in vacation with their family and they loved that dog, they were always with him, and the dog with them. They will be crushed once they hear what happened. So it is all two painful. I’m constantly thinking all the things that I could’ve done to prevent this, like for example taking him to the park at an earlier time, so that when my friend arrived, I could’ve let him inside, or I could’ve done something on the weekend and not be home and prevent that, or carry him in my arms before my friend put the car to reverse. All of this options where so clear, so I feel devastated. It is all so tragic. He was part of the family for more than 10 years.

    • Dog Lover

      Thinking of all the things we could have done differently is a painful part of the first few days. Your dog would have wanted to come out with you if you could have asked him. At 10 they are usually pretty good with cars. If it was a puppy that’s different. It seems you were in a normal situation where your boy felt so comfortable and was so relaxed, he didn’t move in time and was run over. It’s not your fault. Remember that he would want you to forgive yourself and that he loved you. He would not want you to suffer.

  • Sarah

    November 2, 2016 has been the worst day of my life. Our Rafiki- Raffy we called him was hit by our neighbours vehicle. He was just young and has started getting more confident and wandering more. We tried tying him and invisible fencing also keeping him in a fence but he was so determined to be free nothing worked. Another dog has started coming around causing him to wander more so we started keeping him inside with us or in the garage when we weren’t home.
    Today I decided to let him be out as it was the middle of the day and we live in the country.
    I was standing in the kitchen when I heard him squeal I looked up to see our neighbour backing up….. I knew right away what had happened. Tears started to fill my eyes and I was screaming. I ran out to the road. He was still alive so I sat beside him and hugged him and kissed him and told him how much he meant to us. He was bleeding a lot from his nose. His breathing was Raspy. I called my husband and he could hear him. We both knew he was going to die. My uncle drove up and I waved him over. Tears filled his eyes and he knew he would have to help me. My uncle looked him over in hopes he could be saved but Raffys back was broken and he was whimpering in pain. He passed away and my uncle buried him in the back pasture.
    Our 5 year old daughter was at school and I had the worst job in the world at that moment. We picked her up and brought her home. We brought her kitties inside and told her what happened to our boy. She cried so hard. It was the saddest day of my life.
    I cannot help but blame myself. I should have brought him in. I should have checked on him just 5 minutes sooner. It happened around noon and now 14 hours later and I cannot stop crying.
    I have lost a piece of my soul.
    Tomorrow we will visit his grave and make a spot. I also want to put a cross up at the road.
    Our neighbors drive too fast and we had the county put up children at play signs yet no one slows down. I have contacted our local police in to that matter as it could have been my child out there chasing her dog or cat.
    I pray it gets easier and I just keep thinking that I will see my Raffy man again in heaven. God knows how I love animals and I know he is up there happy as ever.
    Please forgive me Raffy I wish I could go back in time. I will never forget you. You have a piece of my heart for all of eternity ❤️️

  • Tracy

    Yesterday I put my beautiful girl to sleep she was 15 years old I feel so guilty although I think she was not suffering she did have heart failure and she was blind and deaf but I felt like her quality of life was poor she was starting to throw up her food and water and everyone was telling me to put her down I think was influenced to put her down and now I feel so guilty I loved her so much now I can’t stop crying I regret it and I should have to let her dye on her own God please forgive me I she is in a Better place and a part of me knows it was the best thing to do I should have given her more time

    • Myangel

      Something similar happened to me I had had my dog Wyatt since I was 2 he was an amazing dog so sweet would always always cuddle with me and loved to give kisses. Then one day when he was 10 I came home from school and when I came home he always came running form whatever room he was in with boundless energy, you couldn’t even tell he was 10, but he did come so I went and found him thinking he just didn’t hear me. He was lying on the floor in the bathroom one of his Fairview rooms ,for some ood reason , and I squatted down outside the door normally when I did this he would get up and come to me all excited wagging his tail. But he just looked at me slightly wagged his tail and kinda kept his head down.. I called my mom in and we couldn’t get him to get up. One thing lead to another and I was at the vets office telling him goodbye because of a tumor on his pancreas. I feel so so so guilty because we didn’t stay we thought it would be to hard to watch him go so me and my parents left him to be put down without us. The last thing he should have seen was our faces not the vets. Every time I think about it I feel so guilty and I think about how he deserved better he deserved a family who stayed with him until the end. I loved him with more than all my heart,more than all my being but I left him. And I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for that.

  • Zed

    This happened today . It wasn’t my pet but 3 stray puppies we cared dearly for. They came and lived with us for the night.

    I was feeding the puppies downstairs . There were 3. A pute white one named snowflake ❄️
    The second one was in an accident before so it was crippled…we named him Rambo
    The third one was the quitest but the most violent of them all but quite funny named Assasin

    I fed them and came back up going on with my life again.

    Suddenly my mom started screaming “someone ran over it. Help”

    Bad news. I knew it. I ran downstairs barefoot and saw him. Lying on the road. I ran closer and saw that his face was crushed and the car’s rear tyres had ran over his stomach. Its vocal chords were gone. He couldn’t even scream for help. He was struggling. We knew we could not do anything. He was hit too badly. Thick blood was coming out of this mouth. He was pooping unvonuntery as the car’s rear tyre had run over his stomach. He was too hurt to be saved. He was breathing so hard.

    I knew he had to go. I petted it on the road one last time before it took its last breath.

    He was gone. My assasin was gone. I realised he was my survivor, my beast.

    I had the sudden urge ro beat the hell out of if the driver but my father was already scolding him

    My mother told me that she was in the balcony when ut happend. Snowflake and Assasin were lying on the floor when the car came. Snowflake went under the car miraculously and was safe and sound without a single scratch.

    The thing that hurt me the most was that he could not speak or cry or shout for help. Thick blood had clogged up his neck. Petting him one last time before he took his final breath gave me a resurance that he died knowing simeone loved him.

    Its funny just how fast the night changes. Not more than 10min ago he was playing and drinking milk.

    We buried him under a tree

    Assasin, just remeber that i ❤️ u
    You were the only thing that made me happy. Without u, my puppy trio will be incomplete

    I Love You

  • Kyle

    I Lost My Best Friend Buddy Yesterday And Feel Like I Want To Give Up On Life, As He Died Shortly After Hitting Him For Peeing On The Floor. He Was A Small Little Guy And Already 15 Years Old, If Not Older As We Adopted Him From A Friend, I Had Let Him Out Only Two Hours Or So Before And He Came Out Of My Room, To Where I Was Cleaning And Peed… I Got Angry And Gave Him A Hard Spank Only Once And He Went Off And Left, After Which Of Course I Went Looking For Him To Apologize, After I Found Him Under The Table Gone Completely Limp I Screamed And Thought He Was Gone

    But He Was Breathing And Was ABle To Move His Head So I Move Him To A Comfortable Position And Called The Ve,t And Described What Happened (And This Is Only A Few Weeks After My Groomer Had Cut His Ear So He Had To Go The Hospital For Stitches And Everything) And I Cried Like Hell Thinking I Had Lost Him Then, Being So Old And Having To Get Anesthesia. But He Made it Being Such A Strong Little Guy, So Now The Vet On The Other End Is Telling Me To Bring Him In So They Can Put Him Down. From The Sounds Of Things,

    But I Had No Vehicle And All The Cabs I called Refused To Take Me With A Dog, And To Make Matters Worse My Dad And Sister Weren’t There So I Wrapped Him In A Blanket His Favorite One… And Held Him On The Patio In A Comfortable Position So He Could Be Outside One Last Time If This Was The End.

    He Seemed To Be Getting Better As He Started Moving His Legs And Head A Lot More, And Was No Longer Completely Limp So I Thought Maybe He Had Just Been Winded From The Hit Or Something. But I Did Want Him To Risk Anything So We Stayed Like That For An Hour Until My Sister Got There.

    And We Realized It Was Getting Worse As His Breathing Went Shallow And He Could Barely Stand Since He Had No Bowel Control We Washed Him In His Little Tub, And Lied Him On A Fresh Blanket Where He Was Quiet And Just Looking At Us, While We Petted Him Hoping He Would Be Okay As My Dad Arrived He Came To His Side And We All Three Kept Petting And Talking to Him While He Made A few Moves To Try And Get Up But He Couldn’t.

    My Dad Told Me That His Breathing Pattern Indicated He Was Going And With All Three Of Us Around Him He Finally Passed Without Any Noise Or Growling… And I Told Then What Had Happened And They Told Me Not To Blame Myself…

    But Now I Feel Like If Only I Hadn’t Spanked Him Or Had Taken Him Out Once More He’d Still Be Here, Despite His Age And Him Living On Borrowed Time And Despite Knowing I Should Be Thankful He Got To Pass With His Family At His Side, I Don’t Know If He Knew I Loved Him At The End… And Knew I Never Meant To Hurt Him If I Did, And Can’t Forgive Myself Knowing Now I Can’t Live Everyday Knowing Ill Never See Hug Or Walk Him Again Again I’m So Sorry Buddy. ;-;

  • steve

    my 7 year old sheppard/husky loved his food.He would do anything to get at human food.it was a never ending battle for my wife and I to put food on the fridge or to make sure he couldn’t get into the kitchen garbage.We were working on a way to keep him from getting in the garbage can under the kitchen sink so we turned it around so the lid couldn’t open from the front.we left the house for a couple of hours and came home to find the garbage can knocked over and food/garbage everywhere.He had also eaten a whole bag of ketchup chips that weren’t even open and left on the counter.He was fine that day and i took him for a nice walk.we went to bed that night and woke up and fed him.after he ate he went outside and proceeded to vomit.He was also straining to poop.as the day went on it got worse and by sunday evening he was bleeding from his rectum.we thought it was from him straining.3 months ago he got into raisin brand and had the same thing happen.we took him to the vet and he was put on antibiotics and cured.we thought it was the same thing this time and that it could wait til the next morning to take him to the vet.first thing in the morning i took him but I knew he was worse than the last time and they told me he was in shock and that he was in rough shape.I normally never put food that is rotten in the garbage.i freeze it and take it out on garbage day but for some reason i put moldy cheese and raw pork in the kitchen garbage 2 days earlier and forgot to take it to the outside garbage.he must have eaten all of it.I feel terrible about it now because the vet tried everything to save him and he died.He was put on IV treatment for dehydration and given IV antibiotics as well as pain meds etc… they called me that day and said he was a fighter and doing well but it wasn’t a guarantee that he would make it.he died that evening at the animal hospital.i feel like crap and guilty that i caused his death. my wife sais that i shouldn’t blame myself because i put garbage where it belongs.i can still picture him sunday night in major discomfort. i stayed up with him most of the night because he constantly needed to go outside and was drinking lots of water.we didn’t have the money to take him to the emergency vet that was open sunday night and we thought it could wait til morning.i am not sure if he would have survived either way but i still feel lousy and miss him a lot.it just sucks.

    • Kyle

      I understand man what you feel it feels like if only I’d done this they’d still be here but I’m trying to just Remeber all the good times I had with my Freind buddy and I hope you can find a way to feel a little better too as hard as it is

    • JC

      You did nothing wrong. Forgive yourself. Dogs always seem to endanger themselves and you could not control this incident. You weren’t even there. Thats a dogs life as they say- short and not easy. Be happy only for the time you had with him. 🙂

  • Todd

    When I met my wife she had Choco an 8 year old min. poodle. He immediately became my little boy, my second dog ever. After 10 years together at 18 years old I put Choco down for a pee on the lawn by the side door. When I was talking to our other, outdoor dog Bonzo, Choco ran around the corner to the back lawn. As old and blind as he was he still got around with no problem. When I realized I needed to go inside to do something, I turned around for the door and not seeing Choco, I went in without him. By the time I realized what had happened and ran outside, he had already fallen in the pool and drowned.

    My little Boy. My Wife’s Choco! (pronounced Chaco.) After almost 20 years of bringing nothing but joy and affection to our lives. How can I forgive myself? He needed me now that he was old and blind. He walked everywhere by himself and I was there just to spot him, but I was always there! He must have been so confused then sad and then terrified. He loved the pool and was a great swimmer so he must have been paddling for a few minutes, but he’s blind now so he couldn’t find the steps.

    I can’t be alone for too long without a lot of distractions. When I close my eyes I see myself put him down and the next time I saw him floating in the pool. The horror every time I close my eyes is unbearable. It’s only been two days but I can’t see how I will ever be able to stop from gasping every time I remember the sight. I feel like Hitler if he had developed a conscience.

    My wife forgives me, I hope Choco can too, as well as our outdoor dog Bonzo. Bonzo and Choco had never been out alone together for so long and I hope he didn’t try to play with Choco or get in his way causing him to fall in. Bonzo seemed pretty sad the first day. Choco knew his way around well so I think this may have happened. To top it all off my best friend growing up was visiting when it happened and ran outside to help and was immediately bitten by Bonzo. I think he only got his boot but my friend has to live with the memory of what he saw just like my wife and I. And the sight and sound of her shrieking will never leave me.

    My friend ran around to the side of the house and eventually jumped the fence and waited out front to see if we needed anything. A living nightmare. Please forgive me if you read this. My intent is not to make anyone else feel miserable, just to get it out of my system.

    Preying that time heals all wounds and that I can eventually forgive myself for letting my boy down. He deserved to die in his sleep, not scared and alone. I am doing all I can just to keep from crying at work today. Worst day of my life by far.

    • Lauren

      I am crying and crying and want to hug you. He sounds like the sweetest little dog. The hardest part is they will almost always die before we do, whether by accident or when we put them down but we will always blame ourselves. It will get easier — eventually you won’t think about it every day — but I don’t know if there’s a way to not blame ourselves and randomly cry ourselves to sleep even 10 or 15 years later. Just know that your dog did love you, and that every time you are good and kind to any animal that is the love between you living on.

      • Todd

        Thanks Lauren. Day 3 was not as bad. Tomorrow I pick up his photo urn and the 4 foot, pool fence is being installed. At least I can feel safer about my other 2 dogs and the puppy I suspect we will be getting soon. My wife and friend are moving on and writing this up helped me a lot. The puppy will be called Chewbacca and ultimately Chuey in honor of Choco. Thank you so much for the kind thoughts. I will try to focus on all the good times.

      • Todd

        Thanks Lauren. I will be OK eventually. The new fence around the pool is up so I can feel safer about our other 2 dogs playing out back, as well as the new puppy, (born today.)

  • Jayn

    I lost my dog yesterday. It was also his 1st birthday. We were going to celebrate his birthday in the afternoon and I was so excited about it. I was going to buy him his first birthday cake and make him wear a party hat. But around noontime, my dog started to have seizures. My brother and I immediately brought him to the vet. When we got there, the doctor tried to get his blood for a comprehensive blood test, but it took a few attempts before he succeeded as my dog was struggling. His seizures also won’t stop coming. I remember how my dog suffered. He was in a lot of pain. He was so exhausted but his seizures still wouldn’t stop until it started to become violent. His body was twitching nonstop and his mouth was foaming. His tongue was bleeding as well cos he had bit himself amidst the seizures.The doctor said he couldn’t do anything at that moment to stop the seizures. We couldn’t touch him since my dog was acting like a rabid dog and might accidentally bite us. He was also howling, or maybe it was crying. He was so obviously in pain. It was so painful to watch. I wanted it to stop. He was suffering and he was hurting himself. It hurt to even type all these down and remember everything so clearly. After a while, my dog collapsed inside the cage. He was so hot that when the doctor checked his temp, only ‘error’ appeared on the thermometer. He was breathing heavily while lying down on his side. His fever was so high the doctor tried to alleviate it by putting a wet towel and ice packs on his body. He also injected him an anti-fever drug. Few minutes later, his breathing became shallow until it stopped. He wasn’t moving anymore. The doctor checked for his heartbeat and his pulse. There was nothing there anymore. My dog was dead. That was the most horrifying thing I have ever seen and experienced in my life. I was just there, watching my dog suffer. I couldn’t do anything to help him.

    At first, I wanted to blame the doctor. I felt that he hadn’t done enough to save my dog’s life. But I was also mad at myself. I should’ve gone to another clinic. But then the next day, the result of the blood test came out. The doctor said my dog didn’t have any kind of virus. He must’ve eaten or consumed something that was poisonous or harmful to him, as was shown in his blood test result. He also asked what kind of food we fed him since the level of sodium chloride in his blood is beyond normal. That was when I knew it was all my fault. I fed him normal dry dog food and dog treats, but I also often give him crackers (for humans). I didn’t think it would harm him since I feed him just small portions. But I’ve been giving this to him as a treat for months along with his other dog treats. I didn’t realize I was slowly poisoning him. I feel so guilty and devastated. I didn’t realize I am also a cause that killed my dog. I was the reason why he was in so much pain and suffering. That dog was my best friend and my family. He wasn’t just a pet. I love him dearly and I don’t think I could ever forgive myself for my negligence. I hate myself for not thinking and for making a mistake that caused the death of my dog. He was my baby. He was such a good boy and he didn’t deserve to die young and suffer the way he did. It was all my fault.

    I love you so much, baby. And I am so so sorry. I pray that wherever you are now, you are at peace and free from any kind of pain. I also pray that they have a cake in dog heaven and give you one while they sing you a happy birthday, I hope you celebrate your birthday there with your new dog friends and that you are happy.

    I love you so so much, baby dog. You’ll always be my favorite boy and I will forever miss you.

    • Doc

      I gave my dog a couple of raisins about a week before the lists of foods you shouldn’t give your dog popped up on my computer and raisins are at the top of the list. Thinking back he was a little slow that week but thankfully his kidneys did not fail. Most people only worry about chocolate but there are a few other things on the list that are important as well. Most of all NO RAISINS

  • Sid

    It has been 4 days now since my beloved Shadow, a ratcha who lived with me for 11 short years, passed away. I feel worse by the day, and am not sure how I will ever be happy again. I cannot visualise life without him, and his violent, tragic death is seared in my heart. It is with an intense effort that I sit down to write this, hoping it will somehow help.

    Most nights Shadow and Max ( a Doberman ) used to go out for a run in the park behind my house. I never believed in taking them for leashed walks, so I waited till it was very late ( sometime near midnight ) to take them out. This routine was going on for ages. Sometimes I would take them, sometimes my son. It was the high point of their day, and they would always get so excited when they saw me or my son getting ready to take them out. They would run around the park while I followed them, and sometimes they would follow me though that was rare.

    We live in India, so there are stray dogs around, and recently I was noticing a pack of them loitering around in a open area next to the park. They were generally familiar with my dogs, and would raise their heads and bark a bit and then leave us alone while I walked my dogs past them to reach the park. Once inside I would stay near the entrance gate to stop Max and Shadow from running out. There are 2 entrances to the park, and my dogs would often run out of the other one to a road where there were houses but generally fewer strays. Max, being a Doberman, I was not concerned about, but I always stayed with my little Shadow, who was a very spirited dog, barking at everything that moved. He has a very high opinion of himself, and rightly so.

    Last Thursday, I asked my son to take them and went to bed. He has this habit of plugging into music while doing most things, like going to school, and I had often warned him about it. Anyway, so he took them out and let them free, then began listening to music and making rounds of the park. He didn’t notice Shadow run out to the place where the stray pack was lying around and didn’t hear the barking and growling. By the time he heard Shadow’s screams, the pack had set about him. A driver passing by started honking to scare away the pack, and my son heard the honking and realised what was going on. He ran towards the scene, and chased away the pack, but Shadow was severely mauled. He had 4 bites on one side and another on his groin ( which I didn’t notice till much later ).

    Panicked and adrenalin-fuelled, Shadow ran back to our house, refusing to let anyone touch him, and hid under a car near our gate. When my son opened the gate, Shadow ran inside, climbed up the stairs and finally collapsed. I had not slept yet, and I think I heard Shadow’s yelps, but I dismissed it since I was trying to fall asleep. My son ran into my room, and I knew the news was bad. We managed to take him to the bathroom and I washed his wounds with a hand shower ( same one I used to give him his baths ). He bit me once, having earlier bitten my son while he was trying to handle him. I didn’t want to muzzle him, so I put on some gloves and applied betadine ointment to his wounds, then let him drag himself out and enter my room, where he always slept, sometimes on his favourite couch, sometimes below my feet. He had a favourite private shelter in a little crawl space behind my bed where he would often hide from view, and he went there and collapsed. I tried reaching my hand out to him and he bit me again. I decided to leave him alone for the night ( my first error ) – I was tired and I didn’t notice the intensity of the wounds or the bleeding. I thought I would take him to the vet in the morning. I went to sleep, not even keeping some water near him.

    Max, the Doberman, had been howling while all this was going on. He is the opposite of Shadow – a very docile, friendly creature who just loves to run and eat. No one is scared of him – our neighbours are all aware he runs free often. Max also doesn’t believe in helping Shadow out when he gets in trouble. Max looks up to Shadow, and thinks he can take care of himself. Max is younger than Shadow, and Shadow used to boss him around till he outgrew him. Shadow would still often snarl at Max, especially if he came near him while eating. Max loved chasing Shadow around, which would infuriate Shadow.

    In the morning I noticed Shadow had dragged himself out of his shelter and was lying on the floor near his favourite couch. I noticed streaks of blood on the floor. He was still snapping at me if I came near, so I put on my gloves and treated his wounds. I managed to get him on to the couch, and it seemed to comfort him, and he lay there quietly. I called up our regular vet, who said he wouldn’t be available till 3pm due to a family emergency. I decided to wait till then, and Shadow lay there dying while I worked at my desk ( I work from home most of the time ). My 2nd error – I dismissed the gravity of the injuries. There was a precedent for this. Some years ago, Shadow had been attacked by some dogs at a beach where I used to take them once a year for a vacation ( they loved running around on the beach ). He had a neck wound. I was very close to him, so I managed to stop the attack immediately. He recovered quite nicely from that one. Maybe that incident unconsciously influenced my decision to wait this time.

    I still didn’t bring a bowl of water to him. I still dont know why that little act of kindness escaped my mind at the time. I cannot forgive myself for that, ever.

    Around noon, Shadow started making very faint sounds and looking at me. I suddenly woke up from my stupor, muzzled him and took him to another vet nearby. What this vet did now fills me with intense anger. He asked me to put Shadow on the table, and I pointed out the wounds ( one of which in daylight looked about an inch deep ). I requested him to apply some stitches and dress the wounds, but he replied that there was no need – that the wound would stay and heal in the open. He dabbed betadine, gave him Tetanus and a Rabies shot, and told me to give him antibiotics and a anti-shock medicine. I came back, at the time satisfied with the vet’s actions. I gave Shadow a bath as the vet advised, and noticed blood streaming out with the water. It dismissed this as caked blood, or maybe a little bleeding due to the application of water to the wounds.

    I put Shadow back in his couch, and he seemed to fall asleep. I went back to work, thinking of giving him his meds later after he had slept a bit. The afternoon passed by, Shadow lay there, sometimes sleeping, sometimes staring around. He didnt make any noises. After a few hours, I noticed he was trying to get off the couch. I lowered him onto the floor and went back to work. I had to finish something.

    My wife came into our room in the evening and I went out to the kitchen to grab a bit and prepare his meds. When I returned, she told me she had given him his water bowl and he had intense thirst – he drank so much she tried to stop him from drinking any more. It hit me then that I hadn’t given him water – the fact the he was clearly unable to move around, and thus couldn’t go drink in the usual place in the kitchen where we keep their water, hadn’t occurred to me. I had earlier noticed him dragging himself by his front legs – he couldn’t stand up on all 4. I thought it was from weakness.

    I called in my son and the 3 of us muzzled him, applied betadine to his wounds and it was only now that I turned him on his back and noticed a gash near his groin. The vet hadn’t bothered to look for any wounds apart from the ones I had showed him, and I hadn’t realised he might have been wounded below his body.

    We force fed his meds with a dropper while I pried his jaws open with a spoon. A lot of it dribbled away, so we kept at it for a while. By this time, Shadow was too weak to snap or resist. We thought it would be a good idea to feed him some chicken soup, his favourite. Shadow mostly rejected the soup. We then put him back on the couch and went about our own lives. I went back to my desk, my wife to her study, and my son to his room.

    Around 6pm I finally thought about sitting down near my dog and giving him some comfort. He was almost unconscious, lying on his side and breathing hard, almost wheezing. I noticed his eyes were like slits, and his pupils seemed glazed over. I picked him up and he peed in my arms. My wife had come in – I turned to her and in that instance, the seriousness of the matter dawned on me. I broke into tears, and told her “I think Shadow is going to die”. She seemed unconvinced, and told me to let her take care of him. I stumbled over to my chair and sat there, my mind a blank, while she sat with him and stroked him for a while.

    I suddenly had this idea to give him some electrolyte. My wife again left the room while I tried to run some electrolyte down his mouth. He had no strength. I gave him quite a bit, most of it spilled out, but I noticed he was gagging so I stopped. I put him down, and quickly went out for a smoke. When I cam back, Shadow was on his back, his eyes were bursting out of their sockets and his whole body was spasming. I ran to him and saw he was about to go. I shouted out to my wife , then I leaned over his body and started crying. I collapsed on the floor next to the couch as my wife repeated my actions, calling out to him loudly as he breathed his last. My son ran in and tried to administer CPR. It was over.

    Shadow left us at 7pm, October 21st, 2016, a few days after his 11th birthday.

  • Dwayne

    This happend yesterday. I was outside and my pet chiwawa was on the he other side of the road doing her thing. The speed limit on are road is 30 keep that in mind. I went to about half way to go and get her and I called her name. A car going 80 mpH hit her as she was crossing and they didn’t stop. I rushed inside to get my Nana and we went into the street to get her. As soon as I got to her, her tail started to wag a little and I patted her and she licked my hand then died. We buried her shortly after but I feel it’s all my fault. Like I shouldn’t have called her but I know she’s in a bether place.

  • Bereaved in Bakersfield

    We lost our beloved Border Collie “Good Girl” today. We were getting ready to celebrate three years with her on Thanksgiving which is the 1st day she graced out lives. She was raggedy with her coat bleached brown by the sun, her coat quite thin, and she carried a sour yeasty smell. She was terrified of people but chose our house to hide behind the trash can in the driveway. She had obviously been on the road for quite some time, but after feeding her for two days I was able to get a lead around her and coaxed her into our yard. As it turned out she was an Angel, and we believe she was sent by God to grace our lives. After a few months her coat had filled back in (silky black) the feathers started to grow back on her legs, and she was part of the family. She was unchipped and we couldn’t locate any prior owner. We surmised she was about 9 years old, but the vet was unsure. I walked her every single night, until last Friday (today is Monday) when she didn’t respond to my dangling her leash in the doorway, which is the typical signal for her to jump up for walk time. She was so alive and happy just the night before, I spent time petting her, scratching behind her years, massaging her back and telling her how much we loved her. Immediately upon seeing she was in distress I told my wife and we headed directly to the emergency vet hospital. She was diagnosed with Pancreatitis. They injected her with a fluid bubble in the skin behind her shoulder blades to hold her over til Saturday morning. Although she was recovered enough to walk to the car, she was not in any condition to walk around with me long enough to allow her the go to the bathroom. Saturday early we took her to our vet and they confirmed pancreatitis per the emergency hospital’s blood work and x-ray and started her on IV fluids, appetite inhancer (the next day) and pain meds as needed. Sunday night we got a call from the vet that wasn’t encouraging, but Good Girl was alive, and we would get an update Monday morning. Our sweet angel passed away as they were tending to her around 8 am Mnday when we got the call. Devastating. Yes, it hurts really, REALLY, badly. She was so sweet, so needy and so loving – and such a gift from God. Her passing was sudden and unexpected. We will forever miss you sweet Goody…

  • Teresa E Click

    I had a beloved dog, Cleo that I had put down at the age of 15 due to cancer eating her up. I was miserable for 6 months and then I bought Honey home from a pet store. Honey is a Long Hair Wheaten Terrier. She’s a sweet, loving, lovable excited dog. She gets so excited about everything her whole body shakes.

    I put her into her first sessions with a dog trainer almost immediately. It did nothing to calm her down. I would play with her and exercise her and walk with her and spend time going over the exercises the trainer suggested. She was just forget it all as soon as she saw another dog or person. She’s never met another dog or persons she didn’t like. About six months after I got Honey some old injuries flared up and found it increasingly difficult to exercise her. And I’ve always preferred two dogs to one anyway. So I went searching for another puppy.

    With Cleo and her sister, Glory I had to separate them when they were ten due to them getting into fights over me. But when I got a small dog, Cleo never fought with it. So I thought a smaller dog would be better than a dog the same size as Honey. So I bought Peaches, a loving, cuddly little Toy Poodle.

    Soon after Honey reached the age of one, I noticed she could chew through a tough Kong is five minutes flat. And she had some ball aggression. So another round with a 2nd dog trainer and I nipped that in the bud and got the two walking together a little more smoothly. Years passed and two dogs grew to love each other. Peaches would sleep on Honey’s back and Honey didn’t blink an eye. They would eat out of bowls right next to each other and never even flinch. The one thing they couldn’t stand was to be separated from each other. So I started taking one of them out with me while leaving the other at home. They whined at first but got used to it. Twice I saw Honey snap at Peaches over an antler but never any other aggression.

    Then one week I kenneled them in a kennel they’d never been to before. They shared a cage just like they always had. Third day in Honey bit Peaches around the neck so bad Peaches had to have 5 stitches. I thought at the time maybe I needed to separate them like I had Cleo and Glory. But I had no place to put one of them and honestly couldn’t bare the thought of giving either of them up. Before I could make a firm decision, I got really sick and was in the hospital for 5 days. They were left alone in my house with a friend checking on them twice a day. They had no problems that week.

    So a couple of months later I made plans to go to a treatment center for an eating disorder, leaving them with the same friend with instructions that he needed to spend the nights with them because they get anxious when I am not there. He agreed and off I went.

    On my third day in the program I receive a call from him that Honey attacked Peaches again and Peaches did not survive. I was hysterical. My first thought was I needed to leave so I could ‘fix this’ but then I realized I couldn’t fix it. My sweet little darling Peaches was dead. Brutally mauled to death by my equally sweet and lovable Honey. I stayed at the center for 7 more days while I grieved and prepared myself and then I went home.

    Honey needed me. She was so stressed and I could see the shame and horror in the way she would huddle in her cage…a place she never voluntarily ever went before. It took a week but I finally got her calmed down and acting more her normal self. I called in a really expensive dog behaviorist to work with her. He gave me yet more tips on he’s not an aggressive, dangerous dog. It was just a fluke. She was anxious because I was gone and my friend hadn’t come by in 12 hours.

    I don’t blame Honey anymore than I do my friend for not being there after he promised me he would or myself for going away and not separating them after the previous attack or for even buying Peaches in the first place when she had no way to defend herself against such a bigger dog. But I honestly blame all of us. Honey, him and most of all me.

    I’m heartbroken without Peaches and so angry at Honey. I love her but I just don’t want her anymore. But I can’t stand the thought of putting down such a healthy lovable dog. But the No-kill shelter refuses to take her. I’ve reached out to the Wheaten Terrier Rescue group but haven’t heard back from them and am honestly doubting they will take her either. On top of that I feel guilty like I’m using this as an excuse to get rid of a dog that has been difficult from day one…I feel like the only problem with Honey is that I was the wrong owner for her. And I do love her. I want to forgive her but I want a 2nd dog that fulfills my needs as a pet owner like Peaches did and Honey never has but I am terrified of bringing another dog into this house with Honey.

    I don’t know if all these conflicting emotions are just part of grieving. If I’ll ever be able to love Honey without being angry at her for killing Peaches. And she’s picking up on my energy and knows how I’m feeling and its making her more anxious. So I think I am going to kennel Honey for a fee days and see how I feel and decide what I should do.

    Thanks, I needed to write this down.

  • Laurie

    I am sorry for what you’re going through. I can see how sorry you are, how much guilt and regret you feel.

    Allow yourself to weep until you can weep no more. Honor your dog by grieving for as long as it takes. Then, honor your beloved dog by healing, forgiving yourself, and allowing peace to reign in your heart. Allow your spirit to join your dog’s, and know that Heaven is the place you will meet again.

    And, know that you can have regret for how your dog died…and yet accept that you’re human and made mistakes. You did your best given your circumstances, awareness, maturity, and experience at the time. This is a healthy, humble attitude – and reminding yourself of it every day will help you cope with the guilt you’re feeling about your dog’s death.

    In sympathy,
    Laurie

  • Vince H

    I’m very sorry to hear all of these heartbreaking stories. I can relate to the bonds of love and devotion that everyone here has shared regarding their dear pets. I truly wish we could all get a redo and could have our beloved friends back. I go over and over the “what ifs” and the what ifs go further and further back the more I review the timeline. I too feel that I’m to blame for the death of my sweetest and most loyal friend Sid.

    Siddyboy was a gentle, smart black lab mix who seemed to possess so many human-like qualities.
    He would sit next to you on the couch or in the car like a human and sometimes he’d give you kisses. While out for a walk, often times folks would stop to comment at how handsome he was. He looked so dapper, like he was decked out in a tuxedo. He had white spotted paws, a white chest, a heart-shaped white patch on his belly and white spot on the end of his tail. Sid was also taller than most of the Labradors we’d encounter, that’s why I wonder what kind of mix he really was. He was a bit overweight at 90-95 lbs but his height and lanky frame didn’t make him really appear fat. Still, people that met him would see very quickly that he was as kind and friendly as he was dashing. Sid was just so darn cool. Although, sometimes he was too lenient and would allow our cat to steal his food.

    Sid was a rescue that was taken in by a family as a puppy in 2008 but this family had a third child after they adopted Sid and felt they couldn’t properly care for him anymore. My mom knew this family and introduced me to Sid in March of 2010. I can’t describe it but we bonded right off the bat. I was a working single guy then with no children and Sid was an energetic, bright, happy young dog that was well-trained to several hand commands but he loved to escape and run free whenever the opportunity arose. That quest for freedom was something that he maintained throughout his life. Over the years, I chased him around several different neighborhoods when visiting family members. I even had to jump into a neighbor’s pond to catch him since he loved to swim after the geese. He’d also settle for fetching lily pads though. There were a couple escapes over the nearly seven years I spent with Sid. That said, he always returned. If I tried to get him on foot it became a game of catch me if you can. Alerted, he’d raise his head when I’d get too close to catch him. Then he would get a spark of energy and take off like a bolt of lightning. So, I would just get in the car and ask if he wanted to go for a ride and he’d hop right in. I could go on forever about how truly special Sid was to me, my family and friends. I thought he’d live to at least 12 or 13 years old and am now shocked and heartbroken over his sudden death at the age of 8 years and 8 months. Even though the vets he’d seen in his last days and our family members tell me not to blame myself but I still do.

    A bit of back story to perhaps help me process or for anyone else out there that just has life get too busy. My wife and I both had been working full-time at the time of Sid’s death. Up until spring of 2016, I’d worked solely running my own video production business, working with other companies and filming events mostly on the weekends and editing during the week. This schedule was way more flexible for the needs of our family but sometimes there were down weeks when work and money were tight.

    And money was very tight due to the fact that our former home, several hours away, that we turned into a rental property out of necessity was in the possession of awful tenants. We had a property management company due to the distance and hassle of being remote landlords but it made no difference. They assured us that these tenants had been “fully vetted” etc. This was our first attempt at being landlords and it has been a disaster. Our home was in excellent condition when we left it in late 2014. All the carpeting, cabinets, tile, paint and appliances looked like they did when it was newly remodeled in late 2009. There were only supposed to be 4 adults and 1 child living there as per the lease agreement for our home. When the tenants moved in they taxed the well and it cost us over $20,000 out of pocket. The contractors/well-drillers told us that there were a minimum of 9-10 people there at all times. The management company said to evict them based on how many people were there breaking the lease and proving that would be tough. Anyhow, over the past year I tried to get the management company to get them out but they said it would be tough and not advisable. More on this later.

    So, after the birth of our first child in spring of 2016, I’d also began working a new full time job with very erratic and hectic hours to make extra money to pay for this rental property disaster. This job basically had an on-call nature to it. I would only receive 36 hours notice each week of the next week’s schedule. So, you got your schedule on Thursday afternoon, sometimes Friday, and that’s when you found out if you were working that Saturday etc. The days could also extend well past your scheduled out time. A ten hour day could extend to fourteen or fifteen hours and you could be doing “clopens” back to back, closing one night until 1 or 2AM then coming back in to work at 6 or 7AM the next morning. This rotating schedule took a big toll on me and my family over those 6 months. Again, I was also working freelance video gigs during this time. I’ve since quit that crazy full time job but it’s too little too late now for my buddy Sid.

    I always watched out for what Sid ate. I’d given him small amounts of people food over the years. Small chunks of Monterey Jack cheese were his favorite. I’d also occasionally give him Kong balls with peanut butter, small bits of bread and bits of pizza crust. With our busy schedules, I’d begun to increase the amount of rawhide bones aka “chew-chews” that I gave him but not more than two bones per month and not two weeks in a row. Sometimes I’d get the two smaller bones in a pack or the comically huge Flintsone-sized rawhide per month. Still, there were months that I didn’t get him any rawhide at all. He would usually eat the smaller rawhides in one sitting and then lay exhausted.
    I would often take them from him to give him a break though. I now see that I may have been shortening his precious life with what I’ve read about rawhide treats and dogs concerning their GI tract.

    Monday, September 26th was when we ran out of Sid’s normal Iams food that he had eaten successfully for two years. I had forgotten to pick up a new bag while at the store. This had happened in the past but one of us was always able to make an extra run before the store closed at midnight and find his food. Or we would give him some dog treats and a little bread to hold him over until the store opened in the morning. The “what ifs”… I don’t know why we didn’t do either of those things that night. I don’t know why I didn’t just start doubling up on buying his food so we’d never run out in the first place. Why didn’t we just order it online and have it regularly delivered? Anyhow, we did none of those things.

    I had September 26th off and was watching the baby and working from home during the day. On this day, I learned that the tenants in our former home/ rental property, had in fact destroyed our home with damages exceeding $20,000. This is in addition to the original $20,000 plus they did to the well system in 2015. My family checked out our house after the tenants had left a couple days prior. They told me of the damages and texted me photos of our house in ruins. The carpets destroyed, walls damaged, door handles broken, painted and crayon splattered on walls, broken fridge, stove surface scorched, window treatments all broken. It appears there were people living in the unfinished attic and basement. I was distraught at the idea that these unruly tenants wrecked our house. That’s the only reason I can think of that I didn’t take my baby to the store with me on fateful day on 9/26 and get Sid his normal dog food. I was too distracted, shocked and burned out with my crazy work schedule and then dealing with our wrecked property/home. I started making angry phone calls and emails to the property management company trying to get answers.

    On the evening of 9/26, my wife called and said that she would get Sid’s food. She checked two different stores besides our usual store. She then called and asked me if it was okay to get the Iams Large Breed. I thought we both knew better than to switch a dog’s food like that but for some reason we got him this food as a holdover for the night. We wrongly thought Iams brand chicken to Iams chicken can’t be that different, right? So we got Sid Iams, Large Breed, instead of his normal Iams Chicken and Barley food. That night, he seemed to eat it okay and showed no ill effects the next day either. I didn’t think that it would take another day or two to cause problems for our sweet pup.

    While I was at work on Thursday night 9/29 my wife told me that Sid had puked up his food.
    I mentioned how I told her that I already fed him at 3PM before I left for work. Well, she gave him another cup around 5 or 6PM. Over the years, Sid had puked a little bit before due to seasonal allergies according to our vet, so we thought he was okay. I thought maybe he puked due to those seasonal allergies or overeating. I had somehow forgotten we’d switched his food on Monday night. When I got home around midnight Sid puked again, so I immediately called the emergency helpline for our vet and told them of the food switch a few days earlier and the extra cup he ate that night. The vet tech on the phone said to “keep an eye on him over the weekend.”

    On Friday 9/30 I was with Sid and the baby during the day and he seemed a little lethargic but I went to work and my wife watched Sid and the baby from 3-10PM. I got home around 10PM and Sid hadn’t vomited all day until that point and then around 10:30PM he vomited all this watery chicken broth-type liquid. I let him outside into our fenced yard and he wandered around confused in the rain. He was not a fan of the rain so I knew this was really weird. In hindsight, I think he was trying to cool down a fever. I then thought the food switch must have taken a few days to trigger some kind of severe allergic reaction and I called the emergency vet 25 minutes away that our local vet recommended. I rushed him to the ER talking to him the whole way as he lay ill on the back seat. I told the vet again about the food switch a few days earlier and the extra cup he ate that evening. They admitted him to emergency care with IV fluids, pain meds and antibiotics. They told me he had severe Pancreatitis but they didn’t really say he wasn’t going to make it. They seemed confident that he could recover if they managed his temperature which was elevated between 103-104.

    I called every few hours after he was admitted to check on him. I worked on Saturday 10/1 and they said that he seemed to be doing better. I called on Sunday 10/2 and he was walking outside, had eaten a little bit of food they gave him. On 10/3 in the morning they said I could bring him home and he’d be on painkillers and a special diet. I was glad that we seemed to be getting through this awful ordeal.

    I was excited to see Sid on 10/3 because I hadn’t seen him in two days and thought I’d let him recover and not get him too excited. I called ahead of time and they said to come pick him up. I checked him out at the desk and paid and then a nurse said there was a mix up and that he should stay. So they brought Sid to me in a room and we had a very nice fifteen minute visit. He was seeming to be his charming self albeit a bit tired. He definitely was happy to see that I hadn’t abandoned him and he was ready for us to leave. He sniffed me and I petted him and told him how sorry I was about the food and I how much we all loved him and missed him. I just kept reassuring and talking to him. At one point he stood looking out the window with our car in view and then sauntered over to the door waiting for me to stand up and for us to go home or make a run for it. Looking back it kind of feels like the last scene in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Sid was just looking for us to make an escape attempt, which of course was always his specialty.

    However, we didn’t leave together on Monday, October 3rd. The doctor on duty came in and said that his temperature had gone back up and he’d had some heartbeat irregularities during the night and it was best to keep him in their care and that’s what I did. So Sid and I said our goodbyes and that was the last time I saw him alive.

    On 10/4, I checked on Sid in the morning and no change. I talked to the vet again around 2PM and told them to go ahead and give him the TPN Total Parenteral Nutrition treatments via IV which would give him nutrients and help the Pancreas rest. I thought maybe the nutrients would help him heal. I was hesitant at first due to the costs. This would raise his care costs to about $1,000 per day and total estimated costs to about $8000. I talked with the vet about how it’s hard to choose between our beloved pets and the costs and she understood. She also said she was concerned that his gallbladder seemed “hardened” due to the Pancreatitis inflammation and that Sid may need gallbladder surgery after all of the inflammation went down. She then said that gallbladder cases “don’t often do well.” They weren’t sure if he was going to bounce back or need surgery at this point. I still told her that Sid meant the world to me and we needed to give him the best chance to survive, get better and come home.

    Sadly, we never got that chance. Just three hours later I got a call while at work around 5PM and they informed me that he had a “seizure event” after walking outside. They tried to give him Valium but he “threw a clot” and died. I was shocked and devastated and still am trying to cope with the loss of my best buddy.

    I never thought he’d go out this soon or in this way and there are so many “what ifs.” What if I’d gotten the right food or bought extra while at the store, or had it delivered? What if I hadn’t given him all those rawhide chews throughout the years? What if I’d given him the TPN nutrients the vet talked about during his emergency care from the start? What if I’d gotten him to the ER vet on Thursday night instead of waiting until Friday night? Would those 24 hours have saved his life? The vet did tell me that they thought he already had underlying issues and that it wasn’t the sudden dog food switch or the ant traps we had recently placed around the house. The vet said those are non-toxic and it wouldn’t affect the pets. As you can see the “what ifs” keep building. I’ll never know any of these things and I feel I’m to blame. Sid counted on me and I tell him all the time how sorry I am.

    Since I’ve quit that lousy hectic job I’ve got more time for family but my precious Sid is not with us. I miss the walks, talks, snuggles and how he’d take his half out of the middle when laying on the couch or in the bed. I’d expand the futon into a bed and we would both lounge around and we called it “Bachelor Couch.” He was such a gentle, kind, sweet, wise and loyal friend. I miss Sid greeting me at the door dancing around, snorting and smiling with his teeth. I miss singing him songs and jingles I’d made up for him when giving him treats and just in general playful times we would spin and Snoopy dance around in the house. So to all the other people out there who miss their beloved pets. I know how much it hurts and I’m hoping we can all find peace and see our friends again someday.

    RIP Sid

  • Laurie

    Last weekend I went to a Grief Workshop by Dr Norman Wright, and he talked about the grief of losing a dog you love dearly. I shared a bit of his wisdom here:

    How to Recover From Loss and Survive Grief
    https://blossomtips.com/i-cant-get-out-of-bed-stages-of-grief-cycle/

    My prayer is that you find peace and self-forgiveness. Allow yourself a moment or two of peace, of acceptance that an accident happened – and it never would have happened if you knew the future. The last thing you wanted was to hurt your beloved dog.

    I recently wrote an article about forgiving yourself, and I hope it helps…

    7 Practical Ways to Forgive Yourself for Past Mistakes
    https://blossomtips.com/how-to-forgive-yourself-for-your-failures/

    Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your dog for as long as you need to. Don’t rush it, don’t push yourself to heal. Let your heart ache, and you will come through this.

    Take heart. Your dog is resting in peace…and loving you more now than ever before.

    In sympathy and with prayers,
    Laurie

    • Sallie

      Hi all….I lost my Bailey yesterday. He was my Shihtzu. We have 2 small dogs but Bailey was my heart. My husband would take them out in the yard off leash. We live in a quiet neighborhood full of dogs. I always worried and he told me they loved it. They did. They stayed in the yard right with him. Well, yesterday he was out a while and something told me to look out of the window. I saw he and my neighbor kneeling in the street and an elderly lady walking from her car. I ran through the house as fast as I could. I opened the door but couldn’t see the street, only my neighbor and husband. My neighbor said, “there she is…”. I screamed “who is it”. My husband said, “it’s Bailey”. My husband then bent over him sobbing. He had been killed instantly. I had to tell him goodbye so my husband carried him to the yard and covered his body. I lost my Mind and just kept saying, “oh God”. I remember shaking all over so hard. I uncovered his body and rubbed him and told him how much I loved him. I took scissors and clipped a bit of his hair. My husband just kept saying, “I’m sorry and sobbing”. We buried him in our yard and my daughter made a marker when she got home. Today, I cry in waves. One minute I’m fine and the next I see his little body laying in the road. I want that image to go away! I want my baby back. I know, I will be okay in time. But my husband is suffering like I’ve never seen. He says he should have watched more closely. Bailey was right with him but saw something and darted right under the car. The lady never saw him and I feel for her also. I always worried about the street. My husband worries I blame him. I don’t. I come from a family of many dogs and I know accidents happen. I want to comfort him and I try but I’m hurting too. I keep telling him it is not his fault but he says he will never forgive himself. I know we will make it through this. Today I wanted to say him name so badly, I got in my car and rode around just saying his name over and over again. Thank you for letting me get this out. My arms feel empty and my heart so heavy.

      • Steve

        I am so, so, so very sorry for your loss. If you look at my post from August 6th of this year you will know why. The only thing I can say is that time does help. I too had 2 small dogs and my love, Dancer was taken in a horrible accident caused by me. I will live with this forever but it does get better. Time will allow you to once again smile when you think of Bailey. But it will take time. Take care of yourself and do not blame anyone, accidents happen and there is nothing we can do to change the past. Thinking of you today

  • Ana

    Hi! I just lost my beloved nacho few hours ago and It was because of my fault. I feel so guilty and bad. I took him to a long walk after job. He was lonely most of the day and I wanted him to have a little bit of air and fun. At the very end of our walk we came into a park I front of our apartments there was nobody around so I decided to let him run for a bit he had a lot of energy accumulated. I was chasing hi and he was chasing me. Suddenly out of nowhere he jumped out of the bushes straight to the street when the only car was passing through. My baby was hit by the car, I tried to run and secream as much as I can but I couldn’t do anything for my baby. We took him to ER the doctor told us he had his hip fractured and he was going to need a lot of medication, he was unstable and in a lot of pain. My husband and I decided to put him to sleep we couldn’t handle all his suffering. I am pregnant and I am in so much grief guilt and suffering for my little nacho. I know that was a big responsibility. I knew he didn’t know when to stop if a car was coming. I could avoid this to happen. If i just went back home without doing my stupidity he would be here in bed snuggling with us right now. I am so sad. I feel horrible because my husband loved him a lot and I caused all this pain to him. I don’t know how to control myself now for the baby I’m expecting. I know he is feeling everything. Please I ask for your prayers. I just feel so hart broken

  • Savannah

    This is so hard writing this and I cannot stop crying, my poor 7 month old voodoo was attack by another dog, he seemed fine after no punchier wounds but little did I know he had internal bleeding I regret thinking he was okay and not taking him to the vet.. I’ve been staring at the spot he died for hours just crying. I do not know what to do or even how to get better at this point.

    • Dore

      Savannah and all others in the same situation it is so hard and I thought time will ease the pain but, my beloved boxer, Buster of almost 12 yrs passed Aug18th and it still hurts so much. And I still find myself laying at the spot where he died which is on the kitchen floor underneath the dining table crying myself out. If I only knew the signs that he needed help I would’ve taken him to the vet sooner. I still beg for his forgiveness. Maybe they know we meant them no harm and that we love them and they had forgiven us. But forgiving ourselves is nearly impossible. So I feel your pain. I hope to one day only remember the great times we’d spent with them and the great company we were to each other. And to fine peace in our hearts knowing that they are now at peace. I found little comfort reading this note from the crematory and I hope you will too, “Farewell master, yet not farewell, Where I go, ye, too shall dwell. A moment’s time, a little space. When ye come where I have stepped Ye will wonder why ye wept.”
      Buster’s mom

  • Nicole

    As I read these stories it’s nice, even though it’s awful feeling. To know I’m not alone. Frankie wasn’t a dog but a squirrel. I bottle raised him since he was 1 day old. He looked like an alien. You couldn’t even tell what he really was. I work at a vet so most recommend through experience when they are that young, just to go ahead and put him to sleep. I was determined to give him a chance. I feel selfish for never releasing him because I grew attached and loved..love him so much. The past few weeks I noticed he looked skinny and I thought we was just multing. Then today my girlfriend said he didn’t want to eat and was acting off. I took him to the vet and they ran bloodwork and he was hypoglycemic and there was potentially something wrong with his liver. Of course the vet didn’t want to say anything to hurt my feelings but pretty much said liver failure is caused by things they eat. So I pretty sure I killed him by feeding him something I shouldn’t have. I have been up all night, I can’t sleep. I had to pull over on the way from the vet after putting him to sleep to vomit because I was so sick to my stomach. I loved/love him so much. And I have no one to blame but myself. I wish he knew I ever meant for this.

    • Robbie

      Like everyone else on the site, I too have lost my beloved pet. I am full of guilt as well. On the night of September 18, 2016, my dog of 10 years started acting strange, and we noticed he had not eaten his supper. My husband said he thought his stomach looked a bit swollen so I went over to feel around on his stomach. He did not seem to mind it. Plus his stomach felt soft and not hard. After about an hour he appeared to be uncomfortable, so I thought he needed to walk around because he acted like he was trying to pass gas. So I called him to go with me, and he got up and walked about 50 feet then quit. He loved to play frisbee so my husband threw the frisbee, and he chased it but would not attempt to catch it. We called the vet to see if she could come out to check him. Her answer was she could not diagnose what it was without exray, and that would have to be done at the office. Our “Dime” had never been trained for a leash, and I did not have a carrier, plus we never took him any place. The vet always made house calls.We live in the country so it was easier for them to come out. Dime had never been sick. She asked about his symptoms, and I told her. She then said to give him one gasx and not to feed him anything else. We brought him in the house and within 45 minutes he appeared to be resting with ease. It was 9:00 PM. At 10:00 PM I put him out because he was not house trained. At 1:45 AM, he was alive and still seemed like he was not feeling well, so I knew I would have to get him to the vet when they opened. At 5:30, we checked on him and he had passed. I am sick to death I did not find a way to take him in that night. I am grieving so badly. He was my Shadow!!!! Anything I did outside, he was at my side. We fished together, walked together, rode in the gator , together. He ride the tractor with me. I would bring him in during heat of the day , and he would lay at my feet and just stare at me. He was my true loyal companion. I miss him so so much. I am having him cremated so I can have his ashes close ,however I know he is in Heaven. We will be together again. Thank you all for sharing your stories. I feel your pain. It is heartbreaking and miserable. I hurt😢 He was a red heeler.

  • Deb

    She was 9 weeks old and we only had her since Labor Day, but Dixie already had my heart. She always woke up in wide open play mode and was always running after either me or my other dog. This morning, I went upstairs to get her chew toy. Coming back down the steps, I tripped over her and broke her neck. It happened in an instant. She was so full of life, just wanting to play, then in the blink of an eye, she’s gone. I know my heart would still be broken no matter how she died, but I killed her. I can’t get that out of my mind. I can’t stop crying, this is killing me and I don’t know what to do. God bless little Dixie and please forgive me.

    • Steve

      I am so sorry for you, I had a similar experience on August 6, 2016 with my beloved 10 year old Cavalier Spaniel Dancer in my driveway in an accident that I caused. The saying time heals is actually true. For the entire month of August I did not want to exist. I went to a counselor, my Pastor and family and friends for support. While that helped, it was time that helped most of all. I still am very sad and think of Dancer every day but the unbearable pain and loss of appetite and not sleeping subsided. You did not kill her on purpose, it was an accident and you have to let that sink in. It took me a long while and while I still feel guilt, I know it was an accident, a horrible horrible accident. To put it out there, I was suicidal and did not want to live for the first couple weeks after. It does get better, as best as it can, however I now try to cherish all the good memories and that’s how I want to remember her. This site was very helpful to understand that accidents do happen and it just was not me- I had placed alot of blame on myself and thought I was the only one- I was not. We are human and not perfect. What matters is that we gave love to the animals we did have while we were with them here on Earth.

      • Melissa

        Steve—I can completely relate to your story. I came to this blog to help me. In April we sold our home and moved in with my parents for a short while (12 weeks). During that time, there were two kittens that had been born previously to our arrival. They were both long-haired and black and white. My 3 1/2 year old son completely bonded with the female chose to stay away from human contact, but loved her brother dearly. When we closed on our current home and moved into it in the beginning of July, we took these two kittens with us. My son named his “Itty Bitty” and I decided to name the female, “Twinkle Toes.” I haven’t had a cat since my 14 year old cat Duchess had to be put down just over 3 years ago. I healed, but never had the need or want of another. The new house had a huge barn, and with all of the birds and fields around, we thought it’d be nice to have a barn cat, or two as it was. Over the course of 2 weeks at our new home, I saw the demeanor of the girl kitten change. She started to trust me. Whenever I went out to the barn, she came closer. One day, she let me pet her and began to purr. Ever since that day, she became my closest companion around our small farm. Twinkle Toes followed me everywhere I went, from the house, to the barn, to the pasture when feeding our two horses. She chased my feet as I walked and rubbed against me. She was always purring, seeking attention, and the most loveable creature I have beheld in a long time. This past weekend, I was getting my son and my niece whom I’d been watching from Friday into Saturday afternoon, ready to go to my cousin’s wedding. Both of our kitties liked to lay under the cars when the sun was out, so I made a habit of “checking” before I got in to drive away. On Saturday, however, I didn’t make my normal check. I was in a slight hurry and didn’t want to be late. Made sure both kids were buckled up and ready to go, plus the diaper bag in tow (my niece is not quite 1 year old). I got into my car and began to back slowly as I normally do, but then i felt a bump on the passenger side. I immediately had a million thoughts in my mind….did I hit a toy? Was it the stump that is in our driveway? Please don’t let it be one of our kitties…. Unfortunately I got out, and it was my girl, Twinkle Toes. Those were the worst moments I’ve had in awhile. I became shocked, crying out, screaming, all while my son began crying in the backseat as he had no idea what was going on.

        Needless to say….I’m a wreak. Family and friends have been telling me the same thing: “It’s not your fault, it was an accident. You didn’t mean for it to happen.” It’s only been 2 days and I feel like my world has crashed down. I feel all at fault. All because I didn’t make my normal, routine “check” under the car before I got in. I keep thinking “What if…” and lots of them. I just can’t stop crying. My son still doesn’t understand. His kitty, Itty Bitty, has been meowing and searching for her, even though we did allow him to see her before we buried her. My dog even searches for her, as she liked to torment her and chase her around the yard. Nothing’s the same. It’s so very hard to accept that she won’t be there when I get home from work, to greet me, let me pet her, and tell her “Hi my pretty girl.” I feel all to blame, even though it was an accident. I just hope that she knows how sorry I am for what happened, and that she knows how much I adored and loved her. It’s so hard when you can’t get that answer, or pet them and hug them and kiss them one last time, just so that they know.

  • Jason Decker

    My dog first got sick, three years ago, stories were running wild in my apartment that a neighbor had poisoned my dog she was in the vet about a week. I would come home and pick her up from the vet. I knew she was a one person dog and would be more stressed about being away from me for that time the next morning I would take her to the vet. I had to put her down for liver failure 8/25/2016. I have since found out that it was not the person rumor said but another, one who called himself my friend. So my bad judge of character is what killed my sweet puppy. I wish so much that I could go back and move away from him.

  • Carrie Lowe

    Ok here goes. My love or dog Kylyn was almost 17 years old. He was the best. He was a shih tzu/ poodle mix and I loved him. It was June 6th 2016 and I left my house to go swimming with my mom, niece and granddaughter. It was hot out but very breezy. My fiance came home for lunch and let Kylyn out and forgot about him. I text my son n law to please go check on him and he replied he was already out and sleeping in the shade. I told him to please take him inside. Then got a text to please call my son n law. He told me to hurry up and get home that my boy wasn’t good. Told him to rush Kylyn into a cool Bath and I was on my way. Within 5 minutes got a call that my Kylyn was gone. I am feeling so angry even 3 months later at my fiance for leaving him out, God for letting this happen, myself for going swimming, my son in law for not getting there sooner. Today I lost it and cried for 2 hours screaming at God and anyone listening

    • Beth

      I’m very sorry to hear about this, but you are so lucky to have had almost 17 years! Wow. I wrote my story below about what happened to my beloved Banjo 6 weeks ago. She too died because of the heat and because I was so stupid and busy and distracted and trying to do everything at once, and I forgot about her in a hot car. I am so sick with guilt. But we can’t do this to ourselves. We gave them the best lives we could while they were here. I know that for a fact in my case and I sense it with you as well. I also am mad at the world and mostly at myself. I constantly ask “why” and “what if”, but it does no good. I’m very sorry for your loss and I truly hope you can find peace with yourself and your fiancé. It wasn’t his fault. Maybe it was just his time. I don’t know. You have to tell yourself whatever you have to to get through this, and you have to somehow make yourself believe that it was no one’s fault and there just isn’t anything that could have been done to change it. We live our lives not realizing how every action really does impact another. We don’t mean to make mistakes. But we do. Take care of yourself. . .

      • Kristy

        Beth, thank you for sharing your loss and I’m sorry for your pain. I lost my dog, Bentley, this past Friday night. I’m so ridden with guilt, can’t stop crying, because I forgot him in the car. I brought him with me and my younger son to pick up my eldest from school. When we got home, I helped my youngest out of the carseat, loaded my arms with all my bags/purse/water bottle and went in the house, thinking I’ll come back and get him. I forgot. I got busy with my kids, meltdown to naptime and forgot my sweet pup in the car. It wasn’t hot, it was raining on and off but he was in there for just over 4 hours. I went to take the carseats out to transfer my kids to their Dad and found him already gone. I know it wasn’t malicious or intentional, but it still feels like my fault. I loved him so much, my first ‘baby’. Trying to deal with this guilt and mourn is really hard.

      • Beth

        Oh Kristy, I am so sorry to hear this. No it wasn’t your fault, it was an accident and you have to remember that. But I know how hard it is. It was 8 weeks ago yesterday that I did this to my poor Banjo and I will never be the same. This is the kind of thing that happens to other people until it happens to you. I just wish everyone out there understood this. What has compounded my grief is knowing that I am being judged by people. It shouldn’t matter but it does. Just know that you are not alone and that things like this can happen to the best of people and the best dog owner. I would say that I am a better dog mom than a kid mom, but not on that day. We all have our faults. I got busy and distracted just like you did, and our poor dogs died because of it. But we didn’t mean to do it and we would do anything to take that day back. My thoughts are with you. I know how hard this is. Xxx

      • Jen

        Beth, thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry for your loss.

        2 days ago, my husband left our 7yr old Ruck in the car and forgot about him for 40min. He had passed before we got him out of the car. We tried to put cold water on him and revive him all the way to the vet to no avail.

        I’ve never seen someone hate themselves so much. I don’t know what to do or say to make him feel better about it. I just kept repeating “it was an accident…” “I’m still here for you, love you and I don’t think anything less of you…” He sent an email to friends and family to tell them what happened. Now the fear of judgement is looming on him, and he just doesn’t feel worthy of anyone’s trust now.

        I’m hoping time heals and he learns to forgive himself. In time I’ll share with him these stories of good people who found themselves in the same situation.

  • Tina

    My 5 year old brittany, Hobie, was hit by a car and killed 3 days ago. Over the last few years, he has broken through the invisible fence several times. After the last time, my husband and I agreed that we would put up a physical fence. But, I started back to work and the kids have their activities so we just didn’t get to it yet. I feel that if I had been more responsible, Hobie would still be here. He was such a good dog and didn’t deserve this. His first year was full of neglect (we rescued him when he was a year old). I am having a very hard time with the whole thing.

  • Cristina

    All this stories have really helped me try to cope. Yesterday my chihuahua gordita died , i feel its all my fault. Me and my husband were going to visit his parents and we decided to go on our bikes, i always put her in my bike basket and she really likes it. This time she jumped out and i ran her over with my bike. It was so horrible i wished i had bein able to stop in time or left left her at home i just didnt want her to be left alone since we were not home i put her in the bathroom so she wont get in the cat poop. She was such an energetic, loving little dog. Sometimes she drove me crazy and i would yell at her now i feel so bad i should of bein nicer but i did my best. She was my first indoors dog so it was ard having her pee and poop in the house but she was getting better. She was just a little over 3 mnths just a little baby i should bein more carefull she loved me and always wanted to be with me and i killed her. I hope she can forgive me and i can forgive myself for causing her death. My gordita i was so excited for her to meet the baby (im pregnant) i know she was gona love the baby and the baby was gona love her but now she will never even get a chance to and she died in horrible pain. We didnt even get a chance to take her to the vet she died to fast but maybe for the best cus i wouldnt want her to be in so much pain. Now shes in doggy heaven and i hope she knows how sorry i am and how much i love her ♡♡

    • Alison

      My Dear i feel u i am in this situation right now its just not a dog A Cat i am so devastated i even wanna hurt my self.. my Male beloved Cotton Cat has FLUTD blocking his urethra and caused him not to pee i did my best to save him i rush him to Vet now i regrets bcoz i didnt Let vet admit him due to i had no car from ver clinic to xray clinic i cannot go to take my cat for xray so i decided to take him home meanwhile plus my money is not enough in my pocket tho i can afford to i dont know i thot i did my best i ask vet to put a catheter and give him meds to survive and i said to ver i promised il go back to vet for furhter checkup i was so stupid and the meds diuretic coz him to die he was so sweet lovable and cuddle white cat i loved him like a child to me sleepinh with me that meds kills my cat and i was my faulth for not letting meds admit him for iv fluit i thot antibiotic can help and that meds since my cat is lethargic i hate my self i dont know how can i endure the pain i have now it wasnt my intension all i want the best for him knowing in my intension what i did is to save his life.. i love him so much but i felt his early death was my mistake but not in my intension bcoz all what am doing for him i thought was the best wat to help him surive i am so stupid owner sorry for my english 🙁

  • Marmo

    I lost my beautiful dog Troy on Wednesday and the guilt is unbearable. Our house was burgled and Troy escaped and was knocked down by a car. I keep thinking that if only I had gotten a house alarm when I said I would, and if only i had been home as I was supposed to be all day, he would still be here. I didn’t do my job of protecting him and now he is gone. I miss him so much it hurts. I can’t eat, can’t sleep and I am having panic attacks as it is my fault that his last moments on this planet were so horrific. I feel like the guilt will never ever pass, and I can’t listen to people telling me to remember the good times with him and that he had a good life. I know he had a good life, but he should still be alive. RIP Troyboy, miss you and love you forever.

  • Bryan

    Well, earlier today i was playing around and having such a good time with Rey, my little dog. He was more than a dog and more of like a little brother. Well my father got home at 6pm from work and he left the door open. I was cleaning my room and i heard a cry and it was Rey, he had been hit by a car, badly. I ran there and when i got there he was shaking and he couldn’t breathe, I tried to help him but a minute later he was very pale. I’m 17 and i had Rey dog since i was 15. It might have not of been that long but i loved him so much. We had a connection he knew me and i knew him. He was not a dog but my brother and family. And he died in my arms. I felt hopless. Tears wouldn’t stop comming out my eyes. He was such an amazing soulmate and his life was taken away in an instant. I am very sad, i really don’t know what to do. It’s hard to forget, i can’t forget we have way to many memories, people say remember the good times ypu guys had but that brings back all the good times and makes me sadder. I really don’t kmow how to deal with the death of my dog, just not seeing him wander around my room or house just doesn’t feel the same. It hurt’s alot. Rey I love you bud, I hope to see you soon brother, ❤️.

    • Sara

      I am so sorry for your loss Brian. My Simon just died last Wed. I had him for 8 years, your right it doesn’t matter how long you have them, there’s a connection, bond, love between you and your animal that is so special. I find it hard to when people tell me to think of the good times, I miss him, my house is empty and quiet now, the guilt of me not putting him on the lower level of the deck will forever haunt me and finding him there dead, hanging :,( you little Rey passing in your arms is so sad as well. I believe we will see them again, and there’s nothing we can do but grieve and move on, out Babies would not want us to be down and beat ourself a up continually. I’ll be praying for you!

      • Bryan

        Thank you so much! it’s hard to deal with but i know i’ll see rey again and that brightens up my mood. Rey doesn’t want to see me like this all sad and full of tears but happy. Thank you, it means alot.

  • Carlie Young

    I had my dalmatian terrier not long. AND she hated being locked inside the house all day so I let her on the porch with water and toys and everything. Well I tied her on a leash so she couldn’t get into any trouble. But I didn’t think she would be able to jump over the edge or pull the table that was holding her. I can’t even move it. Anyways I showed up with my boyfriend and she was dead. Apparantly for hours. (We had been gone about 5 hours) anyways I feel just terrible like I shouldnt have gone with my boyfriend or that I should have done more. And to make matters worse is her best friend (a Lil chihuahua) was inside because she can’t handle the heat. And had to hear it all. Now I’m holding my little dog apologizing still for everything I did and shouldn’t have done. I don’t know how to get over this. Not to mention I have underlying emotional issues.

  • Laurie

    I am so sorry for your loss. It’s heartbreaking and devastating to deal with your dog’s death, as well as the guilt and pain of being part of an accident that caused it is just overwhelming. I wish I had words of wisdom and comfort – I wish you weren’t going through this.

    I wish we could turn back time.

    But we can’t. We can’t change what happened – but you can remind yourself that it was an accident. You never would have done anything to hurt your dog, much less cause death! You loved your dog with all your heart – and that love was returned to you a million times over.

    Your dog forgives you, and knows it was an accident. Now, you must grieve your loss and work on forgiving yourself. This isn’t easy – forgiving yourself is a process that takes time and effort. It’s not a one-time thing, and your grief and guilt won’t go away overnight.

    But take heart. Know that your dog is resting in peace, and your souls will one day be joined in peace and love! Beating yourself up for this accident will not bring your dog back.

    My prayer is that you find ways to forgive yourself and stop torturing yourself. May you experience the compassion, grace, freedom, and love of God — a love that brings healing and forgiveness, life and hope. Reach upwards for the peace that surpasses all understanding, and inwards for the love and forgiveness only you can give yourself.

    Your dog has already forgiven you a million times over, and only wants you to find peace and joy. May you forgive yourself, and allow yourself to breathe lightly and freely.

    In sympathy,
    Laurie

    • Marie

      My dog’s name was Diogi and he was a 13 year old Yorkie. I had gotten him on Christmas morning just a month after turning 7.
      He began getting infections from his teeth that spread to other areas of his body. Over 4th of July weekend his teeth had gotten so bad it caused an eye infection. I took him to the vet and got him fixed up but he needed his teeth taken care of ASAP. He has dental surgery on August 16th and we put him down on August 27th because infection had spread his blood stream that caused irreversible damage and seizures. All he ever wanted was to love me and be with me and I completely let him down. My baby died screeching in pain, unable to walk, and covered in his pee. I waited to do the surgery until the cheaper vet was taking new patients. I had the money to pay the $600 more to get it done sooner but I didn’t because I just bought a car and owe for school and didn’t want to delay paying off my loans. The worst thing I did was not giving him his antibiotics which directly led to his death. They have him liquid that tasted and snapped horrible. He fought me every time and I hated putting him through that so I stopped after a few days. I honestly thought he was fine because he just got off antibiotics for his eye infection and didn’t show any symptoms. After his surgery he kept biting me (on accident, he was trying to clench his mouth shut) whenever I tried to give him his antibiotics so I only did it for three days. I should have done so many thing differently. I should have fixed his teeth before they got to that point. I should have brushed them every day. I should have payed for comprehensive blood work to detect the infection. He would have be 14 on Sept. 5th. I can hardly love with myself for what happened. I hope whoever reads this can learn from my many mistakes and do better for the animals you love and that mean the world to you.

      • Peter

        My beautiful boy Lhasa Apso Counsel died on Sunday October 16, 2016. When they tell me to think of the good times we had, it seems to go back to 2011, when he was 8, and we walked all over the city, and he made me so proud. But I think we steadily drifted apart, he no longer needed to find me every minute. A stray cat came and died, and did that take attention away from my dog now losing his hearing and eyesight? And did online shopping take the place of my dog now sleeping all day? This last year we walked so little, and then he started screaming when he urinated. I don’t want to think of what I would do to my best friend. I just straightened him out and waited for him to calm down, and he would recover in a minute. This would happen 7 or 8 over the summer, and I didn’t take him to the vet. Did I want to punish him for getting old and forgetting me? Did I need an episode longer than 30 seconds? On Sunday it happened again, and this time it didn’t stop, and my beautiful boy died. Oh Counsel I love you so! More than cats and the internet and this ugly house in this ugly city! I’m so ashamed, you were the best part of me, and I killed you.

  • Sara

    I bought my Chorkie when he was only 6 weeks old, had no plans to get a dog, when I was a child I was trying to get my neighbors dog out of the road so he would not get hit, instead I scared him into oncoming traffic and I watched him get hit and ran to him, he was dead in my arms. It took me years to get over that to even get a dog was big for me. I had Simon 8 years. He had to stay with a friend while I was out of town for awhile, I came back and he has fleas, so I took him to the vet, they treated him and then I had to have my house treated, I put him on his lead on the lower back deck this morning with his blankie, food and water. I went to work, stopped on the way home to get him a special treat for staying outside all day, only to look out the back patio door and not see him, but I see his lead was through the space between the deck spindles I guess you call them and my heart dropped, I dropped everything and ran out there, and there he was hanging, dead, I will never forget that image, my neighbors got him down for me, I was hysterical, IF I only put him one level lower, or made sure his lead was longer, or took the extra time to make sure he was safe and nothing could happen to him, I am eat up with guilt, my heart is broke, I didn’t deserve him, he was such a good dog, just wanted to be held, and loved, wasn’t a barker, just a sweet dog. I could of treated him better to when he was here, I was always working, kids, dealing with divorce, moving, he was always last it seems like, I could of done so much better by him, I am such a horrible person. I cant stop crying and don’t know what to do 🙁

  • Lala

    It’s so heartbreaking reading all of these stories. I am currently at a loss of all my senses. My 12 year old Pomeranian Charlie, died yesterday unexpectedly and I am torn with guilt. He managed to get into a locked away bag filled with candy while I wasn’t home, and ate a bag of mini chocolates. He did this before so I didn’t take it too seriously I gave him water and let him throw it all up…but at one point I noticed this time it’s different his breathing became slower and he couldn’t even walk…I rushed to the hospital but by the time we got there it was already too late. My sweet boy who was full of life that morning, was gone that same afternoon. Although the vet tried to console me by saying that the amount he consumed was too toxic for his body and there’s nothing that they could’ve done, I keep thinking that I should’ve took him sooner. I don’t know where my judgment was, I’m always so responsible. I asked for his forgiveness when they brought him in the room to say goodbye. I hope he can forgive me, because right now I feel like I will never forgive myself.

    • Brittany

      I definitely understand your pain. I left a glass of grape juice on my bed table and caught my puppy beagle and chihuahua on the edge of my bed drinking it. Completely forgetting that grapes are toxic to dogs I didn’t think much of it and took the rest of the juice away. They had consumed a lot because I had about half a glass. The next day my beagle and chi both vomited but they were their normal selves so it still didn’t occur to me. 48 hours later my Beagle was sick all day while my chi was completely fine. Since my chi was fine I didn’t relate the grape juice to him being sick since they both had some. As the day went on he got worse so I called around for vets it was around 6 and a lot of the vets where I live were closed and the only one I found that stayed open later said the vet was currently out of town and wouldn’t be back in until next week. I woke up early around 5 am to get ready to take him to the vet but it was too late. I feel completely stupid for forgetting that grape juice is toxic for dogs and not taking him to the vet that same day he consumed it. While I am pissed at myself I am 10000% grateful that it did not affect both of my puppies I would have been too distraught and not to mention I’m pregnant and the amount of stress can’t be healthy for my baby boy

  • Shawna

    We had a Black Pekingese named Queen Luna(3yrs old) died March 27,2015 beautiful as can be and she just got fix about 4 weeks. I let her out the gate, because she’s well behaved and listens, I thought my daughter had her, but she ran down the street with her son Teddy Bear( Shih tzu/Pekingese)about the time me and my daughter jumped in my truck, I took a wrong turn, about time we came to a stop light, we seen Ted Bear, my daughter jumped out to grab him, turn down a street and there was Luna in the street dead. It’s been over a year, but it still hurts like hell at times. I still go through why I let her out the gate and thought my daughter had her, why I took the wrong turn.

  • mozart

    Thank you for this post. I will try to apply these. Our dog Akon just died this morning. She choked to death on her leash after it got entagled with her son Coco’s leash. Coco survived, Akon did not.
    I remember I was eating breakfast and heard barks from our backyard, but I ignored it thinking it’s the usual barking in the morning. Though I remember there was something strained and effortful about the bark.

    She was already nine (9) years old. It’s been a long life for a mini pinscher. But I do feel incredibly guilty that I caused her death. If only i left the breakfast table and went outside, maybe I could have saved her. And what a terrible way to die choking on a leash. The day’s not over yet, but I felt so depressed the whole day and so terribly guilty.

  • Hailey Thomas

    I’ve never experienced the pain of accidentally causing your dog’s death, but I felt I had to share my thoughts.

    To everyone who was feels responsible for an accident that led to your dog dying…I want you to know that my heart goes out to you. I have no idea what it would be like to accidentally cause my dog’s death, but I know that I would feel such guilt and pain. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself — but I want to tell you that you CAN forgive yourself!

    An tragic accident happened, and your dog died. You were part of it but that doesn’t mean you are guilty. Please learn how to forgive yourself, so you can move forward and heal.

  • David

    Its been less than 24 hours since she was just laying asleep next to me.
    I work nights and I always come home exhausted to my baby girl grumpy. She even gets up to check my room if I’m home around the time I’m off, according to my family.
    She was on medication for her heart. One of them makes her pee a lot to get rid of fluid build up. So at 550am, she needed to pee. I let her out the front. And everytime, I sit outside and watch her. But this one time, I sat back inside and fell asleep for 10 minutes. I jolted up fearing the worst, only to find the worst had happened. She was killed by a coyote. I found her 100ft away from the house. I was her protector and I failed her. I was her everything and she was mine and I wasn’t there for her because I fell asleep. She had puncture wounds and left in the street. I think a car might have scared the coyote off otherwise, I would’ve never found her. You never think it can happen to you. When it does, you simply want to die. It kills me that she went that way. That she went alone. Without me by her side in her bed. It’s all my fault because I was tired. I failed her. I miss her so much and have been crying non stop. I hope to see her in heaven again and hope she forgives me and knows how much I love her.

    • Steven Mehnert

      I know your grief. I feel that I failed in how my dear Dancer died on Saturday, i am racking myself with guilt. One hour before i was walking her and 2 hours later I was burying her. I still am numb. Its been 4 days and it feels like an eternity. I am not sure I can go one, i wanted to die on Saturday. i still think about it but she has a sister I have to be here for to take care of. It has changed me completely. Some things are out of our control, see Dancer was also on heart medicine and was nearly 10 – old for a Cavalier. I would have been probably selfish to keep her alive as long as possible. I am not sure it was not God’s will to have it done in accident like it was. I have to think that. I have to. I am so VERY SORRY for your loss, I am heartbroken as well and know the grief you bare.

      • Apple

        I’m very sorry for your lost. I just went through the same this past Thursday Aug 18th, my boxer, Buster is 11 years and 5 months old. He gets tired easily didn’t do well outside in the heat but he loves to go on walks so that day it was cloudy and it had been raining the past 2 days. My daughter and I thought it was a great day to take Buster for a walk and so we did. We walked the same route down our street and back. He usually pants and makes snoring sounds after a walk sometimes a good hr. then he’s ok. and same thing with this walk so I thought it was normal even though it was a little more intense. I tried to cool him off numerous ways thinking that’s what he needed. He seems to be struggling to breath my husband said lay him on his side then it seems like he was breathing easier so I thought ok he’s going to be ok like usual, and I laid next to him on the kitchen floor the whole time and then it looked like he wanted to prop his head up so I thought good he wanted to get up now and get a drink. He was having a hard time getting his head up. So I helped him and as soon as he got his head up while still laying down be almost immediately fell to the other side and his body seem tensed up I called my Husband we took him to the car to get him to the Dr, but at the back of the suv my husband said he’s gone he’s not breathing so he tried chest compression and blowing air into his mouth but nothing! We went to the emergency vet hoping they could revive him but they couldn’t. Went for a walk about 3pm and he was gone around 7pm. I blamed myself for not realizing the signs that he needed help and for not taking him sooner! I hate myself for that. I let my buddy down. I am the reason he isn’t here today! How can I ever forgive myself! I can only hope he did not feel too much pain. I wish I could have a do over and save him. I beat myself up over this. I hope we all can find peace one day.

  • Steven

    On Saturday, August 6th, I accidentally ran over my beloved Dancer- a nearly 10 year old Cavalier Spaniel, She meant the world to me and supported me through divorce and everything in between. I am racking myself with guilt and to be honest on the day it happened I did not want to exist any more. I have her sister alive and that is what kept me alive so far. I was rushing and just did not think to check where she was. She was old, on medicine and could hardly hear. Part of me thinks it was a blessing, because it was instantaneous. The other part of me keeps playing it over and it hurts to bad in the bottom of my gut that its hard to concentrate, eat or do anything. I loved my dog Dancer so much and I miss her so incredibly much. I have cried myself to sleep for 3 nights in a row and find myself breaking down during the daytime. I try to keep occupied with work but the numbness is there. Please please please forgive me, i did not ever intend to hurt Dancer and never ever would have. I would give anything including my life to not have that ever happen to anyone ever again.

    • Katy

      This just happened to us yesterday. My husband ran over his beloved border collie while taking the dogs out running – something they have done for years. For some reason, Doc just stopped and Randy didn’t see him. He rolled over him and heard him scream. I know he can’t get it out of his head. He keeps saying, “My dog. He trusted me and I killed him.” He lived for 30 minutes but there was no saving him. He died in the back seat on the freeway. We had to leave him at the hospital and I kept thinking, I will never fill out a form again on the amazing doc. He was such a lover, so calm and mild and faithful. Our hearts are broken this morning with no Doc to feed, no Doc right behind us, no Doc anywhere. Steven, we feel you pain and wish you the best…know there are others just like you who are buried in guilt and what-if’s. We are crying along with you this morning.

      • Steve

        I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. While the feelings of guilt, sadness and anger go away, I have found that the feeling of love for the dog never does and that’s what I think of the most now, how much I loved her. I miss her everyday and think of her and I will never be the same but I’m finally able to smile and cherish the memories I had. I can still cry easily if I let it, however I can look where she is in the yard now and also remember all the good times. I am so very sorry to hear of your loss and I know the heartbreak you are feeling. The hard thing for me was remembering it was an accident and I would have never ever ever hurt Dancer. Your husband has to know this also. This site helped me a lot with the uplfiting words, and also the similar experiences. It helped understand how many accidents do happen and that tragedy can happen in life.

  • melissa gray

    My husband and i are going through marital problems because of me. We have been fighting for the last 3 weeks and it has been leave the house, come back, leave and 4 days ago he told me to get the dogs(we have 3 english bulldogs) and leave. I gathered them up (the one has breathing problems because of a elongated pallet) he was hot and excited and i had no where to take them except to my dads basement which wasnt very cool. I was only there less than a hour before he called to tell me to bring them back. When i got back home with them i noticed that he was breathing so hard and struggling. I started wetting him with water on a wash cloth and he was laying on the air vent and i was trying to cool him down and i took my focus off of him because my husband said he will be fine and he started yelling at me again and i was trying to stay focused and i just thought he didnt look good but was continually distracted by my husband and we went in the other room as he continued yelling at me, by the time i got back in there which was less than 15 minutes my dog was dead on the kitchen floor. My son was standing in kitchen and said he never heard him get up from vent and/or breathing still hard. Idk my son started chest compressions as i screamed his name and begged for him to wake up. I am heartbroken and devasted.

  • Maureen

    My dog Cooper and I were so close. We relaxed on the couch together, went on drives together, camped together, hiked together, walked daily together, talked to each other, traveled, and Cooper followed me wherever I went. I love Cooper so much and I still feel him with me. Cooper died yesterday because of my carelessness and preoccupation with my 11 month old grand daughter, potluck preparation, and my work-a-holism. I took Cooper to the dump on Saturday as I always do and when I returned home I left him in the back seat of my truck with the widows up in 95 degrees of heat and he died by the time I realized I had left him there. I feel so terribly sad and angry at myself. I can’t believe I have lost my best friend. My wife loved Cooper so much. My son adored Cooper and is so angry with me and I don’t blame him for being angry. My grandson will be told tomorrow. Everyone loved Cooper and especially my wife, son and grandson.
    I know Cooper and I loved each other so much. I know his spirit is with me. I believe the spirits of the deceased all go to the one God Conscousness. I also believe God is love and forgives me but wants me to learn from this terrible mistake. I am trying to quit beating myself up.
    My neighbor used his bucket tractor to dig a hole for us to bury him in. I plan on making a memorial garden. While I have so many positive memories, I can not erase seeing Cooper’s body in the back seat of my truck and having to lift him into my wheel barrel and subsequently into his grave. He died at a young age of 9 and was a very healthy dog.
    I appreciate all the stories you all have shared and knowing I am not alone brings me comfort. I will continue to pray and seek peace and understanding. I will be more present in every area of my life because of this mistake.

    • Belle

      This is exactly what happened yesterday. I had taken my precious lab to library with my kids and I always sit out front and all the people coming in and out would pet her. We got home and I got busy making lunch and doing chores. My sweet girl died in the back of my SUV. I am sick and my husband and kids heartbroken. I am too ashamed to tell anyone what really happened. I feel like the absolute worst human ever.

    • Beth McMillon

      I did this same thing last month. I took my two dogs, Banjo an almost 9 year old Rhodesian Ridgeback and Rider, an 8-month old Ridgeback on a walk with my twin daughters. Long story but Banjo road home with me in the front seat and Rider was in the back of my SUV. Banjo was such a diva and would never get out from the driver’s side with me when she rode in the front. I always had to go around to get her out on her side. I would make mental notes of this as I used to worry I might forget her. Well on that particular day I somehow forgot. I got Rider out and my girls got out, and I went in the house, shut the garage door and went into my office and worked for 2 hours. I didn’t even think about her as she would always just lay around and sleep mostly anyways. IT wasn’t until my girls and I were going to go to a pool later that day that we went to the car to find her. It was so hot that day. ANd I had shut all the windows up as it looked like it could rain. I left my baby to die in a not car and I am so so sad and guilty. She helped get me through the loss of my first dog over two years ago. We were both so lost after he died and she and I became best friends. She hated being left anywhere alone and I would always tell her I would never leaver her. But I did. I already have some PTSD from the whole thing and am seeing a counselor for the first time ever in my life. The guilt is unbearable. I made the mistake of telling people, as it was an accident and I didn’t want to make it worse by lying. And I thought maybe this would help others. But not everyone has been very kind to me. I just heard the other day that someone referred to me as “the woman who fried her dog.” I don’t even know who this person is but somehow they know my story. Actually they don’t know my story or there is no way they could think I would have done this on purpose. I was busy and distracted and I somehow forgot to do something that I have done 100’s of times without incident. It was a terrible accident that I would do anything to take back. ANYTHING!! I hate that you have experienced this loss too but I will say that it makes me feel better to know that I am not alone. My god people even do this to their children. I have never judged those people and I really wish people wouldn’t judge me. This was a terrible accident that could happen to anyone. A sheriff in Florida just did it with his K9 dog last month. Nobody is perfect. I wish you all the best in dealing with your grief and guilt. Whatever I can do to get though this I am doing. This is enough to eat you alive if you let it.

      • Sara

        Thank you! It can eat us alive if we let it, I’ve just starting telling myself that Simon would not want me to keep punishing myself and something positive has got to come out of his death. I have vowed to slow down and smell the roses and take nothing or no one for granted anymore. What happened with your dog could of easily happened to the people passing judgment, ignore them, God knows your heart and how much you loved your dog.

  • Fenrir

    I just don’t even know… look, my dog had supposedly “epilepsy” but my vet told me to not medicate him because “reasons” even though i told him he was having episodes 1 per week… we didnt medicate him and the episodes even decreased in time, like a month or so, but suddenly they started increasing in frequency again, like 1 per week or 2 weeks and today i heard him and i though “he is having one of those again…” and i know i cant do shit when he is having them but i just cant stop thinking about what i could have done, i wanted to make tests with another doctor, in fact i was going to check that next week, i could have gone sooner but to me honest i didnt had the money (im unemployed thanks to our amazing society and system) so my parents could not give me the money and in fact they often over reacted when i told them that my dog needed this tests… whatever, thing is my dog is dead and i just cant understand suddenly he was in a seizure and immediately he stopped moving and breathing entirely, i dont even know if it was because he hit himself with something because he had the attack in the worst place, he probably saw it coming and hide there because it is like a corner behind a lot of stuff, i had to pull him while he was having the seizure because he was hitting himself, i dont even know, i tried, i just cant stop thinking that this is all my fault.

  • Gina

    I am completely heartbroken and devastated. My German Sherman of 12 years died this past Sunday. He had been sick a long time with a pancreatic disease which we were treating regularly with medication. He got the pancreatic diease from his mother. It turns out that the pet store where we got him from sold sick dogs as we later found out he came from a puppy mill. At the end of June my dogs stomach blew up. My family and I instantly thought that it was constipation because he kept trying to go to the bathroom and he kept passing gas. He didn’t look like he was in pain. Shortly after his stomach went down and he went to the bathroom so we really thought it was constipation. With his pancreatic disease he always had issues with going to the bathroom whether it was diarrhea etc. A few weeks later it happened again and the same thing happened, it went down shortly after and he went to the bathroom. The fact that it went down didnt make me thonk anything was really wrong. Again he didnt show any signs of pain
    It happened again this past Sunday and again we thought it was constipation. We were sitting with him trying to get him to go to the bathroom to relieve the constipation. Shorty after we noticed that he was having difficulty breathing and couldn’t stand up he went into shock and his heart stopped beating. It turns out that he had something called the bloat which I know now is the second largest killer of large dogs. I’ve never heard of it before. I’m just been beating myself up, wishing that I had known what it was, I didn’t know that his earlier experiences with bloating were early warning signs. I’m just so angry at myself. I wish I had known what it was and if I had gotten him to the vet he might still be here. I learned that surgery is the only thing that can help a dog survive the bloat. I don’t know if he would have survived surgery but at least I would have known that I tried. I since he was old but I just feel like I let him down. I just wish I had known what the symptons where or had taken him to the vet the first time that it had happened. How could I be so stupied to thonk it was constipation. I never experienced anythong like that with my previous german shepherd. I don’t think I will ever forgive myself. I let my baby down. He depended on me. I can’t eat or sleep. I hate myself for it. How could I have been so stupid.

  • Andrea

    About a year ago we found an older male poodle who had been dyed pink near my husband’s business. He had very long nails, bad cataracts, and was extremely thin. I brought him home and he’s been part of the family ever since. The vet and groomer both thought that he was at least 12 and hoped he would make it another year (he has bad kidneys). After feeding him, grooming him, and giving him a loving home, he’s more spunky than our 9 year old dog, just hard of hearing and nearly blind. After almost a year of him peeing on our wood floors every night, I decided we should put him in the laundry room while we are sleeping so he doesn’t ruin the wood. Like many women, I hand my delicates to dry instead of using the dryer. Unfortunately we I went to let him out this morning, he was gasping for air as he had strangled himself in my bra strap that was hanging down. We heard him crying last night but he cries every night. He hates being locked in the laundry room. I feel awful. He’s still with us for now, but his neck is very swollen and he’s lethargic. He did get up and walk around outside for a bit and drank some water, but he’s laying down again and his breathing is labored. We decided a year ago to not treat his kidney disease because it was too costly and the vet didn’t think he’d live much longer regardless. I’m hoping he pulls through but it’s not looking good.

  • Cole knapp

    A few days ago, my brother and I had the house to ourselves because my parents had gone with our sister to a softball tournament. Our only responsibility was taking car of the dogs. Because my parents were not home, my brother who was 22 decided to have some people over. My Corgi stayed in the house and my shepherd who was only 1 year and 10 months was put outside. With all of the distractions, we did not realize someone had left the gate open and he had gotten out. We should have put him to bed earlier, checked the gate, or at least continuously check on him. He got out and we did not notice for several hours, we noticed was missing at 2am, and we all went looking for him in the night for 3 hours but to no avail. I printed fliers and posted them everywhere around our town, and put an ad of craigslist. The next day at work we hear a German Shepherd has been brought into the closest shelter, and we get excited and are going to go check it out after work and see if it is him. 2 hours later when our shifts are almost over, we get a text from someone who has seen our ad telling us they saw a dead german shepherd on the side of the road and our emotions do a 180. We go investigate and find out the dead dog is my dog. He had been struck and killed by a car by my negligence. We called my dad to let him know as well as my mom who fell into tears. My dad said to let the animal control pick him up, as he had already been reported. We went home, and m brother went back to work. I called my dad on the phone and begged him to let me go and pick him up so we could bury him on our property, and he let us. Seeing him the way he was and burying him was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do. This tragedy has pushed me into religion, as the last few days have been the hardest I have ever faced. It has also led me to thinking about whether or not we get to meet back up with our pets when we get to heaven. I really hope so because I miss my boy.

    • David

      I’m sorry to hear your story. I have a similar story. Its easy for me to tell you it was just an accident, but when someone tells me that, I can’t seem to accept that excuse. But it is an accident. I really do hope we are reunited with our babies when we go into the next life. I think we do.

      • Steven Mehnert

        I feel the same way. I was hoping someone would respond and your response just lifted me up. I have been devastated and numb, I am here still because Dancer’s sister is alive and I have to take care of her, otherwise I am not sure I would be here. It has completely impacted me in every sense and I am not sure I will ever be the same. I believe we will be reunited with our loved ones in the next life. It only would make sense. She is with me now and forever, its just going to take time to adjust to the new way she is in my life, not in the pyscial sense but in my heart and head. I have to think this.

  • Paul

    I got my puppy at 6 weeks old and he was a white German Shepherd that came from 2 Black and Tan parents. My roommate got the other white female that came out of the litter. His name was Bolt and I loved him so much. Part of the reason I got him was I personally struggle with depression and I thought having a puppy that relied on me for sustaining a healthy life would help me with sustaining a healthy life for myself. That dog helped me so much! I made sure to take such good care of him and give him absolutely everything he needed and he was such a great boy! A week ago I had him with me at the lake and I invited my friends out for a weekend on the water. Bolt was 4 months old and still growing like a weed! I went to pull my truck forward so I had room to put the jet ski trailer on because it is light enough you can just move it with 1 or 2 people. Before I put my truck in drive I looked out my window and had Bolt sit down and I said stay. We had been working on stay for the last couple of weeks. He was about 5 feet from the drivers side door. I then looked away and pulled the truck slowly forward about 10 feet and somehow he went and walked in front of my back tire and I heard him swqeel and by the time I got out of the truck and ran to him he was gone. I’ve never ever had something hurt me so much. I’ve been absolutely devastated and I feel 100 percent guilty because I was 100 percent the cause of my puppies death. I loved him so much and I never ever thought I would have to bury him at such a young age. I can’t even use my iPhone because I can’t stand to see the pictures of him that are on it. I don’t know how I’m ever going to be able to get another dog because I just can’t handle that much pain again and I don’t want to even risk experiencing that. I have the images of him dead burnt into my mind forever and it’s so difficult to forgive myself because I killed my own puppy. I am beyond sorry 🙁

    • Cole Knapp

      I’m sorry for your loss. Just know you’re not alone as I had to bury my German Shepherd and he was far too young as well. He was just under 2 years old. Burying him was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. He was hit by a car and when we went to go and pick him up off the side of the freeway before animal control picked him up. Seeing him was heartbreaking, as the car hit him and opened him up. He had been there for a day, dead in the hot 100+ degree California sun, and when we got there he did not smell pretty either. I’m also dealing with the fact that it was my fault as I did not make sure the gate was closed before he got out.

  • Angela

    My little girl was just a puppy and didn’t even have a name yet. I rescued her from someone who was going to put the whole litter down. My 7 year old son was playing with her in his room. I’ve told him many times if he was to hold her he was to sit on the couch. Of course today he didn’t listen and I was too busy to check in at that moment. He was standing on his bed holding her and she wiggled free. He dropped her from a pretty high height and she hit her head and/or back on the end table. He took her to the bathroom without telling me and finally called for me when he realized something was wrong. She was completely twisted and could not hold her head up. She was gone within an hour. One of the most horrific things I have ever seen. I feel so incredibly sad and guilty. I wish I wouldn’t have let him take her in his room. I wish I would have left her in her crate while I was busy. I wish I could redo the whole day. I’m so upset with my son for doing something so careless but I know he must be traumatized from seeing her die that way so I am harboring my feelings to myself. I love animals so much. My pets are my family. Today was awful and I wish it never happened. I am only glad that she passed pretty quickly after the fall. She was pretty calm and did not cry. I’m so glad I didn’t have to watch her endlessly suffer. I’m so sorry this happened to you little pup. ≤/3

  • Sammy

    My neighbor had a 17yo cat named Sammy.. His son was 19.. I assumed Sammy was well loved all his life .. during this last 3-4 years I think his son (though loving the cat giving him tons of attention and love for at least 14 years!) didn’t have time for him and was off and away all the time. Sammy wanted so badly to have the attention and to be an indoor cat.. However due to circumstances, Sammy was an outdoor cat and killed rabbits and mice of all sizes and didn’t like the dry food the Dad left out for him. Sammy was needy for the attention he got all his life and he’s beg to come into my place.. In fact every Niebuhrs place! I had no idea his name or his age.. I could tell with his crying and emotionalism that this was a very sad cat. I started to let Sammy in this last winter.. Sammy came over and slept all day in the bed and sometimes most of the night with wife and I for 7 months. He’d wake us up whenever he had to pee.. not once did he ever pee in the house.. But I admit he was a full time job.. He drooled all the time. He was such an emotional and talkative cat and was with us every hour of the day and we started to feed him wet food.. He begged me no less than 5 times a day for a new can of food.. I was definitely his personal slave.. I didn’t mind at all! Since when I later found out his name and age .. I knew in a year or two I’d wish h’d be begging me while he was dying of old age! So I cherished every moment of his life with him.. He really felt that to.. He felt so very loved.. Until one day he felt very abandoned! Well we had to move.. Another neighbor suggested we take Sammy with us and would be mum about where he’d gone to becasue she didn’t think Sammy could survive the winter being outdoors. We moved and paid the pet deposit. But it took us 7 days to get into a place.. It was fairly warm out but I told myself I’d wait for the first rain and drive back to our old place and wait for him.. But we also knew once Sammy got back here it’d be really hard becasue we’d need to keep him inside for a month to let him acclimate while he cried and begged to go out we couldn’t risk him being confused .. At least he’d know we loved him? Well we didn’t go back soon enough, it was 2 month later we went back and found out Sammy was hit by a car out on the main hwy. (About 3 weeks after we left). In 3 years, not once did I ever hear of Sammy going out to the main hwy adjacent to our gated community.. Had he gone in search of the food and love he was getting every moment for the last 7 months? Emotionally he was probably a wreck for at least the week we left.. Probably crying and wondering why we wouldn’t let him in anymore. I am a 45 yo man so for whatever reason I cant seem to cry for longer than 3 seconds at a time (about 8 times a day). I cant seem to breath the rest of the time.

  • Emilie G

    Hi. So this happened two years and a bit ago … And what I am about to tell you has only been told to one person … My best friend. Not even my mother or brother knew.

    So it was all my fault. I hate myself so much for it. I still can’t cope with it and it’s been over 2 years.

    I had a teacup poodle. One night, my mother was getting on my nerves and there were a pile of buckets beside me. I knocked over the buckets so that I could hopefully distract them. Little did I know, my dog was sitting beside me.

    They landed on top of her and she was knocked right out. I carried her upstairs and called for my mom… Pretending that I did not do it. Her tongue was sticking out and she was paralyzed. She could not move.

    I slept with her that night. I couldn’t sleep. She was cuddled against me the whole night and I knew it was going to be the last night with her.

    When the morning finally came, we went to the energency animal hospital. They did x-rays but found nothing. Liquid was now coming out of her nose.

    It was time. I spent 15 minutes with her in the room. Bawling my eyes out … Exclaiming how sorry I was. I was a mess. The vet came in and it was time … She went peacefully but a part of me died inside … A part that can never be revived.

    I have her ashes and a clay of her pawprint on a bedside table and I hate myself so much. I cry atleadt once a week and even though I did get another dog I still feel as though I cannot live with myself.

    If anyone, anyone can help me at all, please comment.

    • Jessica

      You didn’t do it intentionally. I know it hurts to know that you could have prevented your dogs death, but would you have thrown the buckets on the floor if you knew your dog was there? I don’t think you would. You obviously loved your dog or else you wouldn’t have held her threw the night. I know it hurts to know that your dog probably had many more years to live, but I truly believe that God let’s everything happen for a reason. You won’t know the reason, but you can trust in God to know there was a purpose. Keep in mind you probably won’t ever move on…and honestly I wouldn’t expect you to if you truly loved your dog. But you can move forward. Your dog will always stay in your heart and she knows that you didn’t do it intentionally. She forgives you. You just need to forgive yourself. Remember…dogs give unconditional love. She isn’t going to hold it against you because you made a mistake. Just because you made a mistake doesn’t mean you’re an awful person. I think you might be feeling like this decision defines who you are. Or maybe you feel guilty because no one else knows the truth. Just know that the only way to truly let things go are to fully let everything out in the open. You might be vulnerable afterwards but it’s worth it. I’m sorry this happened to you. Something similar happened to me. She was my besfriend and I feel like I should have been able to protect her. I felt like if I were her true guardian or mom that she would still be alive. She brought me through the roughest points in my life so it doesn’t make sense that I couldn’t protect her when she needed. I felt so guilty for feeling helpless. And sometimes I still do, but then I think of all the memories we had. Like how stubborn she was but I loved it. And how she loved to swim and stick her head out the window while driving. Or how I used to trick her into falling asleep before I crawled in bed because she would leave on her because she would always get too hot. Then I think of how I used to bath her and pay for her food. I took care of her. Never would I have let her die if it was in my control. I don’t think you would either. It helped me to get through the day by knowing that she is always with me. I wear her dogtag so that I can remeber her. When I start to miss her I look down and take a couple seconds to tell her how sorry I am and how I love her. And I know if she were still here she would show me that she loved me too. You didn’t do it on purpose. You would go back if you could. Its okay to feel guilty, but at some point you have to realize that it doesn’t make you a bad person or define who you are. You wouldnt have let it happen if it was in your control. And if none of this helps or makes sense, I think some of the guilt you’re struggling with is feeling ashamed that you didnt tell anyone else what you did to your little girl. Be open with them, or at least be open with yourself. don’t feel ashamed if you need to go to a counselor. Dogs are like family. Life is a real deal. Whatever your struggling with is a big deal. Don’t let the stigma attached to a psychologist hold you back from moving forward. I hope this helps. I’m sorry about that happened.

  • s.

    My dear friend died yesterday. It’s not a feeling that it’s my fault, it’s not some imagination leap. It is a FACT that it was my fault.

    She vomited several times the night before, but that happens every now and then since she’ll eat anything from the ground but she never had any problems afterwards.

    She then became anxious and was like that all night, but I thought the vomiting upset her stomach and she’ll be fine in the morning as usual.

    She could’t find a place and was constantly moving, making noise with her nails all night, so at about 4 am I kicked her out of the room.

    In the morning she was very sick, barely breathing, with her eyes empty and wide open. I rushed her to the vet and they revived her two times, but after two hours she died.

    I don’t care what anyone says. It was 100% my fault.I shouldn’t have sent her out. I should have rushed her to the vet in the middle of the night immediately instead of worrying about my sleep and the vacation that was expecting me, no US in the morning. I even yelled at her once for interrupting my sleep. What kind of person does that?

    It turns out she had her bowls twisted and was in a lot of pain. While I was yelling. While I was thinking about my sleep and my vacation.

    I berried her. Can’t stop thinking about it. She was my friend and my joy in the darkest of times. She pulled me through sadness and loneliness and in return I killed her. Not only did I kill her I caused her hours of suffering. And that is that.

    • Cole knapp

      My Mom has experienced this same feeling with her last dog. The dog who’s name was Chance, ate some rat poison one of the neighbors had put out. She got really sick and we did not know why at the time. The first day, my mom wanted to take her to the vet but did not. The next day she took her to the vet, and the vet kept her overnight. She passed away in the cage overnight. My mom has never forgiven herself for it because she believes she should have taken her dog the day she stared showing sickness.

  • Debora Peterson

    Wednesday July 13, 2016 my 10 year old toy eskimo was hit by a car and killed. We have a fenced in yard with 2 gates and Wednesday I let my Amie outside about 3:30 to go potty and seen the gate was open. Numerous times Amie was let out with gate open and Amie would always bark at the back door. Well this time she didn’t 5 minutes later I get a knock at my front door telling me my dog was hit by a car….she never made it alive to the vet. I am having a real quilt issue if I had just went out and shut the gate like I have also numerous times she would be here today! I just feel like I caused so much pain to everyone especially my family! I don’t think I’ll ever get over this guilt I’m feeling! I cry myself to sleep every night and wake up every morning crying! Amie was my baby and I just let her die….I should of went out and shut and locked the gate! I was cleaning my house so I was still in my night clothes but that never stopped me before I have gone out in the winter time to shut the gate if I seen it open. A couple months ago Amie was figuring out how to get out from under the fence so my hubby had to fix those areas all the time! But even when she was escaping from under the fence she was still coming to the back door. Amie never went to far our neighbors have big dogs and she was going across the street to sniff their yard and always coming home… Amie was hit in the middle of the street about 2 feet from my driveway! I hope my guilt starts getting better or I’m not sure how I can survive this guilt feeling!!

  • Divya

    My buddy…Whiskey died today.he was 12 years old and I feel so guilty as I left him as I moved to another country.I thought that he would survive as he was healthy and happy dog and I will bring him to me once I settle down.i was taking care for home though I was not physically with him.all his needs food and medicines were taken care by me.I don’t know what to do now.i think it was my mistake to leave him back in home country.I want to tell u all something ,he was the only one who was with me in my time of need and when I was alone.did I become a selfish that I left him alone.i don’t know what to do know but I just wish that he forgives me for all this as my intention was to bring him to me once I settle and pray to God for my lovable and adorable parterner.May his soul rest in peace and I wish he would be the first one to meet me in heaven.Luv you Whiskey.

  • Marissa

    My baby girl Sophia was only a puppy. She was a beautiful beagle. I was at work and my husband was dealing with our unruly boys. She was out on her cable in the back yard. She tangled her cable around our almost hundred pound grill, like she has many times before. This time she was bigger and stronger. Attempting to get away from it, she pulled it down on top of her. My husband heard the bang and ran outside. He pulled it off of her, but the damage had been done. I left work and he rushed her to the only vet opened on Sundays. She had complete internal contusion. Her lungs were completed brushed, making it difficult for her to breath on her own. Her body was shutting down. It would have cost thousands of dollars to attempt to pull her through this. The vet gave her a 50/50 chance with a ventilator. As she lay in the back room on oxygen and in pain, with heavy tears my husband and I looked at each other knowing what we had to do. It took us about ten minutes for us to tell the vet we just couldn’t afford it. I held her paw and kissed her nose while the vet injected the overdose. We buried her four hours later. She turned 6 months the day after we put her down. I hate myself for so many things. I hate that I didn’t take the time to hold her a little longer when she was alive. To kiss her sweeter. To play with her more. To run with her further. To walk her longer. To be more patient with her stubborn puppy antics. She died so young because of us not watching her more closely. We blame ourselves and I think of her fifty times a day. I still hear her barking outside. I still see her food bowls on the kitchen floor when I close my eyes. I still see the holes she dug up out back. I see a little of the stuffing out back from one of her toys. I still see her cable lying on the ground it back. I run my fingers over the holes she put in our kitchen chairs. Yesterday I found one of her half chewed chew sticks under the stove that got away from her at one time. I still see her crate by the kitchen wall.
    I still hear her whimpering when I awake in the morning because she wants out of her crate. I picture her in her coffin box laying so still with her eyes closed. I picture her beautiful multi colored fur shiny and beautiful from the bath I gave her the night before. I want her to know how dreadfully sorry I am. I want her to know I love her so deeply. I want to bring her back. She never deserved to die so young. I hate myself. I’m tortured by her memory.

  • Colette

    Little Pickles was only in this world less than a year. I rescued him from an owner who let him get parvovirus, malnourished and planned to shoot him. And yet he was the most beautiful, loving soul. He would see me and his novelty-sized tail would whip around like a helicopter rotor. His whole body would wiggle with delight. He had an infectious enthusiasm for life and was loved by all who met him. I was so lucky to have him.

    I feel such guilt for not appreciating every second with him and for what ultimately happened to him. Pickles would chase my car down the drive if he wasn’t kept inside. That day, my ex let him out as soon as I’d left rather than waiting 10 mins. He ran down the drive to find my neighbour coming up the hill. We’re on a bend and my neighbour couldn’t have seen him soon enough.

    We rushed him to the vet and they prepped him for surgery to put a plate into his leg. But the night nurse fed him kangaroo (he can’t eat red meat) and we nearly lost him that night. We were called in the next day to hear that he had been found in a pool of bloody diarrhoea that morning and was receiving blood transfusions, but was rejecting them. He looked terrifying when we saw him.

    Amazingly, my dog survived and went on to recover over the next couple of months. The next morning we went to the vet. I knew from the vet’s tone that she was preparing me for a discussion about euthanasia. She said Pickles’ chances of surviving a chest drain were slim in his condition and if he did, he would require a plasma transfusion and laparoscopic surgery just to find the cause of the fluid in his lungs.

    She offered three possible causes: a plasma protein disorder; lymphoma; or a split/herniated diaphragm from the car accident. The prognosis for any was really poor and would need ongoing treatment and would mean poor quality of life at best.

    I consulted with my family and it was clear that euthanasia was the humane option. I don’t think I fully understood what I was doing, though. I was in shock. I have never experienced death and I was completely unprepared for what happened.

    At 4:45pm we went in to see Pickles. He was in an oxygen chamber to help him breathe. He still stood up to greet me with a limp, but loving, wag of his tail and a pained and desperate whine. I sat with him and I talked to him and told him that it would be over soon and that I loved him. My mum was there and my ex was, too. All his favourite people.

    We carried him out to the operating table, draped with blankets, and sat him down. I wasn’t prepared for how quickly he would go to sleep when the nurse gave him the sedative. As it went in we were patting him and feeding him treats. He had no idea and I think that was best. But suddenly he was on the bench unconscious and I hadn’t had time to look into his eyes and say goodbye. If I could go back I would want to be alone with him so I could feel like he was connected with me.

    Then she gave him wings. It was over in less than a minute, but I couldn’t accept that he was gone. I suddenly panicked and wanted him to wake up. It was horrible. I was sure he was still there and everyone was telling me it was over. It took several minutes of standing there kissing him and patting him and telling him I loved him and that I was sorry before I realised he wasn’t going to wake up.

    Since he went to sleep, I have been inconsolable. I blame myself and feel that I failed him and didn’t deserve him. I have been through s very tough time myself recently and have had a difficult life with mental health problems. He filled a space in my life where love had been missing and I have a huge hole inside me now.

    My ex and I will bury him at my property on Friday. I am going to plant a crepe myrtle over his grave and I will care for it and watch it grow with the loving attention I could have given him if I had have been more attentive when I had the chance. I hope it will give me some comfort through the lonely days up there on my own.

    Thanks to the author for giving me the opportunity to get this off my chest, and thank you to all who read this. I hope you can all find peace and forgiveness in your hearts.

  • Jon G

    I accidentally ran over my 12 year old min pin Bambi and killed her this morning. I didn’t know it until my six year old told me Bambi was dead. It was heart wrenching seeing her laying lifeless after being so full of life. It also was tragic my six year old found her. I completely melted down. Thankfully my wonderful brother in law was there to help me pick up her remains and console me and my family. I feel terrible, but I know it was an accident and she never felt a thing because she was asleep. I could go over in my head and million times why I didn’t check under the car, before I moved it but it won’the bring her back. Rest in Peace my sweet angel Bambi. ?

  • Charlotte

    my 11 year old brittany spaniel passed away sometime this morning after three surgeries one to remove a huge lump from her inner thigh a fatty lipoma. It was affecting her walking and her bladder and she was in a lot of discomfort. So we thought, if we remove it we can improver her quality of life. well it got infected and necrotic so she had to go under again to have it cleaned out and insert a tube to saturate the area with antibiotics. she was so much better so happy and wanting to run around again. and then she tore her stitches open by walking down the biggest steepest flight of stairs in our house. the third surgery went fine and she bounced back once again because of her gorgeous spirit. and we decided she should stay at the vet overnight so he could minister her. He checked in her at 2am and she was ok. That morning she was dead. All I can think about is how she spent the last three weeks of her life tormented by discomfort and she died alone and afraid away from all her family. She didn’t deserve this and we should have never had this surgery it wasn’t threatening her life just made her sore and now the 11 year old dog that everyone guessed was about two is gone and the light of my life is gone and she died alone. I’m 21 years old and I’ve been starting to think about her death and prepare for it and I figured she would have at LEAST another four or 5 years in her she was exuberant and fizzing and anxious to be around people. This isn’t the way she was supposed to go at all and I can’t shake this image of her totally alone and probably desperately wanting us to come and get her. He screaming howling cries as we left her the day of her last surgery and how we were so confident that she was being her dramatic self. We weren’t there for her when she deserved and we didn’t deserve such a beautiful warm loyal obsessed dog. My heart is broken I love you Molly

  • Laurie

    I am so sorry for your loss. It’s a terrible grief, there is no guilt like the guilt of causing your dog’s death. Knowing that you could have prevented it makes it even worse…it is a terrible heartbreak.

    Grieve your loss. Allow yourself to feel the guilt of feeling like you caused your dog’s death. Go through the pain — because the only way to get through this is to experience those terrible feelings. Talk about how you feel, keep writing all the pain and memories out of you. Get those feelings out, express them any way you can.

    You will heal, and you will forgive yourself because you will come to accept that this was an accident. You never, ever would have allowed this to happen if you knew about it!

    Your dog forgives you, and loves you even now. Unconditionally, forever, no matter what you did or how death occurred. Your dog does not want you to feel bad, and your dog never had space for grief or guilty feelings.

    Give your dog the honor of a peaceful memory and a calm spirit.

    How to Forgive Yourself
    http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-forgive-yourself/

    In sympathy, and with healing prayers,
    Laurie

  • In need of help

    I have so much anger, guilt and sadness in me right now and I’m trying to find my way through it. This past Sunday 6/26/16 my nephew let my girls out to go potty, Nika is a white American bulldog 2 and 1/2yrs old that I rescued at 8 weeks old and Roxanne is a beautiful blue nose handicapped pit bull that is almost 2yr old and I rescued her a yr and 4 months ago. I am always very vigilant with my babies and I live in Florida so I know you have to make sure they don’t stay out too long and become over heated, I raise a niece and nephew and have told them MANY times that they have to keep an eye on the girls if they are outside bc the heat could kill them. On Sunday my nephew let my girls out at about 8:30am, I have been under a lot of stress lately and for some reason I didn’t get up as I normally do and I accidentally fell back asleep, so I wasn’t awake to check on the girls or tell my nephew to check on them, he’s 13yrs old and knows he should have checked on them without needing to be told it’s one of his responsibilities, at 9:58 he wakes me up and asks should he get the girls in, I tell him yes and they shouldn’t have been out there that long anyway, he opens the door and few seconds go by and he starts screaming that something is wrong with my wheelchair bound angel baby Roxanne. I rush outside and Roxanne is laying to the side and her eyes are barely open and she’s barely breathing, her tongue is hanging out and she’s covered in drool, I get her out of her wheelchair and bring her inside and immediately can feel she’s over heated so I put her in the bath tub and start running cool water over her, I can tell it’s not working, all I can do is cry and beg her to stay with me, the closest vet open is the emergency vet 50mins away and I know she’ll never make it if I can’t regulate her temp. I’m trying so hard to get her cooled down but as I am doing this I see her eyes staring to drift back in her head, I know I’m losing her, she passes around 11am. I have so much anger towards my nephew bc he knew to check on them and just didn’t do it, I don’t know how to get over this anger, I sent him to a friends house so I don’t lash out. I lost my 8yr old boxer in 2014 bc I wasn’t home when he needed to get to the vet and I wasn’t home bc this same nephew was causing problems that I was called to deal with and so I couldn’t be home, I tried really hard not to be angry at him for that loss but this is the second baby I have lost and I don’t know how to forgive him. I also blame myself for falling back asleep and thinking they would be ok and that a 13yr old could be entrusted with the responsibility of checking on them and thinking that I had repeated enough times that they couldn’t be just left outside for periods of time in this Florida heat. My baby sat on the ramp to the door with her wheel stuck so she couldn’t move to get to the door and scratch on it to let me know she needed in, she tried so hard to get inside but she was stuck and she basically cooked to death. I am so angry that I let that happen to her, that I didn’t protect her when that was what I promised to do the day I adopted her. Her sister, Nika, is so sad, she waits at the door thinking that Roxanne will be coming back, it breaks my heart. I’ve cried for two days and I feel like people just don’t understand, these are not my ” pets “, they are MY children and I lost one of my children to something so preventable. Please, if anybody has any advice on how I can work through this anger towards my nephew I am all ears, at this point I don’t even know if I can continue having him in my home and I hate that I feel that way but I don’t know what to do about it.

    • Kim

      I totally understand how you feel. Had a similar situation with my daughter. Who was 14 at the time. You can’t punish your nephew for the loss. He’s a kid and they get easily distracted. I’m sure he feels bad enough! You wouldn’t want to scar a child over something like this.. Sometimes things just happen. I’m sorry for your loss!! I hope time heals all the wounds

  • Lindsey

    The stories of others and the article kind of helped last night. I went to a deep dark place and this lended me a hand. My beautiful hunting partner, friend, little spoon snuggle buddy, sweet kisser, and snack lover Ailani passed away on my birthday last week. She just turn 3 on the 4th of june. She ate the hard vine that grapes come off of . It took her 48 hours to pass it. During that time it must of have pierced her stomach or small intestines and healed up quick but allowed a small amount of yeast into her abdomen. She seemed fine, and had a few weird things happen over a week and halfs time like going into stage one bloat every morning. Which was fixed with some gas x. Her abdomen was slightly bigger but it seemed like I was the only one who noticed it. But she played with me and acted normal. Until she went septic. The vet explored her abdomen and found no bad organs and blood work came back fine. She died the next morning at 5am. My heart shattered into pieces. I had spent the last 3 years with her. And hind sight is always 20/20. But the guilt of those off things and not acting on them is killing me on the inside. Ailani was my comfort dog. She had a perfect personality. So sweet. The question that sits in my head now is do I deserve another dog. Her breeder is going to breed her parents together for the last time. She offered me pick pup. But I dont know if I deserve a pup.

    • Lori

      You could have never known that was gonna happen. Don’t feel guilty I think you should get another puppy your a caring pet owner.

    • Jennifer

      I know how you feel. My sweet gentle 1 year old yellow lab, Harley passed away a day ago from sepsis. We got back from vacation (had our regular dog sitter stay with our 3 labs-one is Harley’s cousin) and I gave them all a digestible rawhide to eat. Harley ate his quickly but that was normal. That night I awoke to him throwing up. He seemed fine after that. The next morning he gobbled his breakfast right down like normal. The next day he threw up multiple times while I was at work (my family was home). He still acted normal but I started researching on the Internet and saw that throwing up undigested food and burping could be a sign of bowel obstruction and I was thinking about the rawhide he ate so quickly so we took him to the emergency vet that night. They examined him and his belly was soft and they couldn’t feel anything so they said they could give him fluids and anti nausea meds and send us home or they could do costly X-rays to explore. Since he seemed so normal we decided to go home and see if the meds helped and see how he was in the morning. The next morning he seemed sad and not is usual energetic self so we took him to our regular vet. She did an X-ray and she saw on an XRay that he had an obstruction. She did surgery and removed a big bunch of string. I thought it would be the rawhide. She said she did have to make 6 incisions to get all the string out but the intestines looked great and started moving right away. She felt he would recover from this. He came home from the surgery two days later on Thursday and seemed great…jumped into the car…kisses for everyone and our other two dogs but later that night he wouldn’t eat, which presented the problem of giving him his meds and he seemed so nauseous (drooling and licking his lips) so we went back to the ER. They tested the fluid in his abdomen for bacteria and found none. He had no fever or outward signs of anything negative going on. So we decided to have them watch him and give him meds and fluids. They mentioned opening him up to explore but after talking with his regular vet who did the surgery and not wanting to cause him more trauma we took the watch and see if he improves approach. The next day my husband and I and our 4 kids came to visit thinking he was still in the same condition but the ER vet seemed worried and wanted to do surgery. She had found one bacteria while doing a test on him. We agreed. We all went in to see him and he looked the same. He wagged his tail and we all hugged him and kissed him. Thinking he had a good chance of being ok. When they opened him up they found he was septic and called us and said there was nothing they could do. They had to euthanize him and we couldn’t even be there. When our 15 year old lab was euthanized we were all there with him. It was hard but I knew he lived a good long life. I’m so shocked by this….so is our vet because everything looked very healthy when she went in the first time. It’s so hard because he was still a baby. 😢 It’s killing me that the kids are so sad and I can’t fix it. After our 15 year old lab died in Jan. 2015, they were also sad but it was expected. This was not. They said they thought they’d be older when Harley died and didn’t have enough time with him. And I feel so incredibly guilty…should we have done X-rays earlier, gone back in instead of waited. I’m so devastated that I failed him. He was my sweet, gentle boy who cuddled with me, sat like a human on the couch, ate like a crazy man, captured numerous moles in our backyard, cuddled and played with our other 2 dogs and was just a huge part of our family. I’m having such a hard time coping. I keep doing the what ifs. I can’t sleep or eat and I keep crying. I just keep picturing his sweet face when we left him for the last time. It’s killing me but I still have to function for my family and other dogs so I’m trying to go on. I found these posts at a much needed time, so thank you and I’m so sorry for everyone’s losses of their beloved pets.

  • Laurie

    I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how horrible and sad it would be to hear your dog crying in pain. My heart is broken for you. I wish I could tell you how to deal with the grief and guilt you feel, but I honestly don’t know what to say.

    This was an awful accident, a terrible thing that you never meant to happen. It wasn’t your fault. I know you feel guilty, like you caused your dog’s death – but you didn’t. Horrible accidents happen sometimes, and there is nothing to gain by hating yourself or beating yourself up.

    Go to the library or Amazon, and get a few books on forgiving yourself. Even better, talk to a counselor. Sometimes we need an external objective opinion to help us overcome traumatic events. Seeing your dog die is a traumatic event, and you might benefit from talking it through with a trained grief counselor.

    I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. May you forgive yourself and find peace.

    In sympathy,
    Laurie

    • sara Dempsey

      My toy poodle who I’ve had since I was 5 died yesterday because of me. Since living in the country, I was taking a jog down the road. I had headphones in so I couldn’t hear nor see him running behind me, following me. He is a very small dog, weighs about 5 to 6 pounds. At the end of my road I stopped to take a breath, when I saw him. Then the house where I stopped at, their dogs came running out. I’ve never seen them before and didn’t know much about them. They were sniffing my dog, and weren’t doing much. then after I caught my breath and turned towards home and called my dogs name. But the two dogs were surrounding them and growled, crowded around him and wouldn’t let him move. I called him again. Hoping the other dogs wouldn’t mind. But all of a sudden the bull dog grabbed him by the neck and through him to the ground. I ran over and started punching and kicking the dog trying to get him off my baby. But I was so afraid of the bigger dog, not even knowing what breed it was but knowing it could really hurt me if I hurt it. they kept biting my dog countless times. I ran up to the people’s porch and banged on the door crying. The women called in her dogs and felt terrible. my parents later rushed to the vet with my dog, where when they got there the vet said they couldn’t do anything to help. So, we put him down. It was by far one of the hardest experience in my life. whenever I see my neighbors dogs I sincerely hate them for what they did. Our two other dogs, realize that he’s gone and have seen very down lately. I want another small dog to replace him but realize he will never be the same as well as do the same actions. it just seems unreal, I expect him to run into my room and be standing behind me when I’m making myself a meal. It’s very hard and my family and I miss him so much, but we know we are going to get through this. It’s just the fact that he could of lived longer, and we always thought he would. it’s going to be slow around here for a couple of weeks. But we will forever have our memories with him.

      • Kim

        I’m sorry for your loss!! I did worse then you. I let my daughter come home with her pit bull. He attacked my little dog Sidney 3 weeks ago. She survived that one. We’ve kept them completely separated since then. Tonight she busted through the door and killed her. I’ve cried all night. My daughter took her pit to be euthanized right after. Why didn’t I make her do it the first time? I’m so mad at myself!! I can’t get the scene out of my head. I guess that’s why I’m writting this to you.

  • Angel

    My heart hurts so bad. On Monday our baby gypsie passed away at around 230 am. I can’t seem to get past the fact that It’s my fault. My husband and I divorced a year ago and I pulled her away from her home. Then we had to move a couple more times during this last year. In May she had puppies and was an amazing mother!! Recently my ex husband proposed and asked us to move back home. We were all so happy. The puppies were weaned so we got them to their new homes at about 5 weeks because they seemed like they were draining her. We went back to pack and took her with us. While we were packing for 2 days she seemed to start throwing up. Every time she ate or drank. I had told the landlord I would be out by a certain date so I was focused on accomplishing that. During the move I crushed a nail and my salon was within walking distance. I ran over there and she was at the door barking at me and I told her to go home and momma would be there in a min. So she did. We got moved on sat and Sunday morning she disappeared. We called for her for about 20 mins or so. Then I looked under our deck and she was laying there staring at me but wouldn’t move. When we walked away she came out and got a sip of water and started throwing up again. So we went to town to get her pedialyte to try and help. My daughter forced pedialyte for several hours while I was busy. I didn’t have any money to take her to the vet and it kills me that I didn’t at least attempt it. At about 11 pm we noticed she looked really bad and withdrawn. So I stayed up all night trying to nurse her. She had diarrhea and was vomiting but I just cleaned it up and loved her. Finally her last hour she came to me and I picked her up and she just layed in my arms. It was the most awful thing I think I’ve seen in my life. She cried out for over an hour. It was so loud and piercing to the ears. Her brain seized her breathing was slow hard then slow then hard. I held her until the end and until her heart wasn’t beating anymore. I am just so sad. I feel like it’s my fault and that I didn’t do enough and now she’s gone because of it and my entire family is hurting. Why wasn’t I more attentive? I was excited God had brought our family back together and we were all going to be a family again. And then I go and do this. I don’t know how to get all of this pain and guilt to go away. I loved her dearly and I was so selfish that it caused her life. This is the worst feeling I have ever felt.

  • Brokenhearted.

    I am struggling so badly with the guilt of my dog being killed. I fostered a dog in the past three weeks and I always kept her separate from my other dogs because I wasn’t sure how she would behave or how they would behave towards her.

    On Fathers Day, we took our kids to the park and to a concert. We were rushing out of the house and I swore I shut the gate that separated my dogs from the foster dog. I just.. I should have double checked. I always double checked.

    I came home at 230 in the morning to my beloved 10 year old Australian Cattle Dog, laying dead at the bottom of the staircase.

    He was killed by the foster dog. She attacked him and punctured his little lung.

    I feel like it’s all my fault. If I hadn’t fostered that dog or if I had checked the gate, he be here with me now. My heart is broken.

    I had the rescue come and take the foster dog back. And now I’m trying to figure out what to do. My daily routine included him in so much. I just feel lost. I’m so lost.

  • Laurie

    I’m so sorry for your loss – thank you for being here, and sharing what happened. It takes so much courage to write about how your dog’s death happened and the resulting guilt. Your story will help others survive their own accidents and deal with their grief and guilt.

    May you forgive yourself, and may you rise above the pain. May your heart heal and may you know deep in your heart and soul that it was an accident. You never would have deliberately hurt your dog, and if you could turn back time you would.

    Allow your dog’s soul to rest in peace by letting peace overcome your own heart, mind and body.

  • Kristin

    I dropped my beloved Pug of 10 years down a flight of stairs onto cement. I will never get the image of her body contorting, twisting and the horrible way she landed and the sound of her cry. I was going up stairs (living quarters) and had her in my right arm while opening the door w/my left. She’d been having potty holding issues and back leg issues and peed a little going up the stairs. I didn’t care, she is my “baby girl, my home girl!” In a freak moment she twisted slightly and slipped out of my arms. I screamed and panicked, wrapped her in a beach towel, with her in my lap I told her I love her, I’m SO sorry, she’s going to be ok, etc. I raced to the closest vet, sobbing hysterically, trembling out of my skin, 15 min later the vet came out with a solemn face. She said there are internal injuries, she’s lost nerve feeling from waist down and was going into shock. I raced the hall to find her, being given oxygen. She was panting so hard, tongue out and eyes dazed. I wrapped my arms around her, sobbing, telling her everything on my heart. She was given morphine, but after 15 min was still in pain w/elevated heart-rate. The vet said the best thing for her is to allow her to be at peace, no more pain (put her down). I screamed, sobbed, then realized w/her health not 100% over the past 6 mos., it was unfair to try to take her home and hold and love on her until she passed. She was in shock and pain, and it was my fault. How could cause such trauma and horrific pain to my sweet friend who loved me more than words can say. I loved her soooo much back, though at times, I’ve been busy, working, and had been impatient with her. She had a great life with lots of love and adventures. I understand it all, except for the horrible pain I caused her in her last 2 hours of life. She by no means (no animal or human) deserve to go that way. My heart is crushed I told her as they injected her, to wait in heaven for mama, romp and play with Otis and Wally (2 dogs of our family’s past) and to give mama a sign she’s ok, out of pain and happy in heaven. I’m praying, waiting tor that sign. She got so worried and concerned when I cried or was upset. I know she doesn’t want me to be sad, but I can’t let go of the horrible accident, and the pain I caused her. Broken, crushed, regretful, missing her. Godspeed Charlotte Fiona (Fifi). You will forever be in my heart baby girl!

    • Tony Milliken

      Hello, Kristin,, I am so heart broken with your story. See, my pug was 10 and a boy having the same issues with his legs, bowels and urinatiing. But today and I hate myself at this point . I , was doing our usual routine, getting him out of my bed to take outside to pee and some how he slipped out of my hands and hit his head and it killed him .. I think died instanly.. But, I cant help but wonder why ?? why ?? So, I am here for you please lets comfort each other.

  • I wish I had been more patient

    I am still struggling with guilt 4 years after I had to euthanize my little dog. He was my mom’s dog, and I cared for him and her as they grew old. He was the light of her life, and I loved him so much too. After my mom died her dog was inconsolable, and it affected his behavior. He would be up all night going to the bathroom, and I wasn’t getting any sleep. He reverted back to going to the bathroom in the house, and it was overwhelming. He was a stubborn little thing when mom was alive, and after she died he was a pain in the butt, to put it mildly. Still, that’s no excuse for mistreating him. Sometimes I would yell at him. One time after being up all night, at having to get up again at 3:00 a.m. I took him outside and made him sleep on the porch. I came out the next morning and this little dog was sleeping up by our barn in the dirt. He had never slept anywhere but in my mom’s bed and then my bed for 14 years, and I can’t imagine how scared and confused he must have been. And I didn’t mean to neglect him, but I know I wasn’t as diligent about his care as I should have been. His little teeth began to fall out and he wasn’t eating, and the vet ended up having to remove most of his teeth. I just feel so guilty – he was my responsibility after my mom died, and I didn’t love him the way I should have. I know I was grieving and exhausted, but I wish I had been more patient with him. Up until that time he was just adored and spoiled by both me and my mom. I tell myself I did my best those last few months, with so much grief and so little rest. But he was grieving too, and he didn’t understand what was gong on. I came home from work one day and he was having trouble breathing. He was 14, and I took him to the vet and they said his heart was failing. I held and kissed him while they put him to sleep, and thanked him for being a good dog, and I told him I was sorry. But I still feel guilty.

  • Sad

    I feel the same way about my little dog Kostis. I found him in my yard when he was one month old and kept him for 1 wonderful year. Then last wednesday he got out and was hit by a car. Somebody found him dead and moved him to a field and i could not find him! I found him the next day. I really hope he died instantly and was not suffering alone. And I hope he had a beautiful little life and I wish he knows how much I love him and how guilty I feel for not being more careful. He was the most wonderful friend. He would follow me everywhere, jump on me, sit right next to me all the time. I love him so much and I will never forget him!

  • Rochelle Rodrigue

    My dog Bruno died on Wednesday 6/1. He was 13 years old. I feel guilty. I feel like I should have taken better care of him. A few weeks back the vet said he might have hurt his neck, that he might of pulled a disc in his neck and so the vet gave him anti-inflammatories and then pain medicine when days later he didn’t seem to be getting better. Then at one point he seemed to be getting better. Eating again, drinking water…But then the day he died he was panting really heavy. I feel guilty because that morning I should if taken him to the vet. But so stupid I had to go to work and thought well he’s still in pain and it’s going to take time for him to get better. Later that night I took my son to soccer then about 10 p.m. I noticed that Bruno was doing worse so I said to my son “we need to go to the emergency room.” On our way there Bruno was what I thought was throwing up but turns out he was dying there in my lap and by the time we got to the ER vet he was gone. I have a lot of regrets and think that if I have done better with him he would still be alive. I miss him so much.

  • Daniel

    My pit bull Drift just died. I’m not sure how long ago, there was no sign until I found the body. The bathroom sink hadnt been properly secured to the wall, he knocked it over and it fell on him. As far as my dad can tell, he died instantly on impact. I’m glad he didnt suffer, but I feel so guilty. I should have been paying more attention to him and noticed his death sooner. He shouldnt have been in the bathroom. How could i not have heard a sink collapse?! Logically I know that I couldnt have protected him and his bulk probably muffled the sink, but it still worries me that he was alone in his last moment. Did he know he was loved?
    When we got Drift, i didnt even know we were getting a pet. I came downstairs for breakfast and there was this beautiful pit puppy kissing me hello. He was skeletal and torn up but so full of love. Dad told me he’d been running some errands late at night and found this dog digging through the garbage by the freeway. Dad picked up the dog to see if he was lost but he didnt have any tags and looked like he’d been badly abused. He had his hips and spine permanently bent so he walked with an odd waddle, had a huge tear in his head by his ear, and was half blind in one eye. Drift had been starving. We decided to keep him and nurse him back to health. He got big and strong and was so very smart that we gave him the middle name Feynman after the physicist. He was loud and messy and a liked to cause trouble, but he loved us and we loved him so very much.
    Drift was maybe around a year old when we found him, and only lived with us for a few months, but I hope and pray they were good ones. That he was happy for the time he had. I only wish I could have done more for him. He deserved a longer, happier life, but I hope this one was good enough.

  • Siege

    My dog pitty died because of me. My sad forgot to take her in the morning so I took her out. After wards I went to school. When I got home my beloved pit was on the patio lying there. We brought her to emergency and she died on the way there. All I can think about now is the way she looked at me when I put her outside

  • Annelize Cloete

    It has been one year now since I have lost my beautiful Staffie x Jack Russel doggie, Jackie. She was just 6 years old. I thought I will get over her death by now and the guilt but it still haunts me. She was bitten by a huge puff adder on one of our walkies in the forest. I took her leash of so she could run freely and I feel guilty about that. Because I should have protected her. I should have thought about the snakes. I did rushed her to the vet immediately and she was on a drip for 24 hours, but died of hypovolemic shock. When I walk in the forest, I still cry when I think about her and her “leash on life” that she had. She was such an energetic and happy doggie. The only thing that really helps me getting over the guilt, is that she had 6 wonderful years with me. She was spoilt rotten. But it still difficult.

  • Masego

    My dog was always energetic and happy, everytime he saw me he would jump on me and try to lick me, and would go grab a tennis so we can play a game of catch. Then 2 weeks back I heard some children from street talking at my gate, and when I went outside to check, they had given a rat to my dog and I quickly grabbed the rat from my dog (but was already half eaten) and threw it in the dustbin, he was fine for 3 days and still looked happy everytime I saw him. Then at day 5 he stopped playing with me and didn’t give me much attention when I walked in. Then came a week later (which was in the middle of last week) he stopped eating his food and was pooping red stuff, so I assumed he had bacterial infection and gave him pills for that. Then Friday he would walk away to his shelter to sleep everytime I approached him, and on a Saturday too. He’d drink the water I give him, but would walk away to his shelter when I gave him food, and I thought he wanted space so I decided to give the space. Yesterday on Sunday, he finally got out of his shelter and lied next to the house entrance and was always staring at me, and I thought he was recovering because he got out of the shelter but I was wrong. Few hours later I found him lying down sideways with blood coming out of his saliva and not responding at all. That’s when I realized that the rat it ate had ingested poison. I now feel bad for not taking it to the vet when I saw the symptons. I can’t stop imagining the pain it had to endure these past days, and it makes me feel worse. It was my first dog and I had it for only 7 months, it was so young and was not even a year old.

  • Josie

    Yesterday I witnessed my best friend get run over and die right before my eyes. Mr Bojangles was my beloved miniature dapple dachshund. He was only 7 months old, I had only had him for 4 months. Despite this short time, Mr Bo had helped me in so many ways. He helped me with my anxiety, depression and my panic disorder. He was my only light in dark days. I loved him with all my heart, and he meant everything to me. It has been the hardest day of my life. Coming downstairs not to be greeted by my baby barking and jumping up at me. After work yesterday I took him for a walk, as it had started to rain I knew he needed to go for a walk before it got any worse. I put on his coat and his lead, as he looked up at me with his loving eyes. During the walk, he was always mischevious and never listened to me. We had just crossed the road, and I tried to retract his leash as it was one of them that extend to a greater length. However the leash jammed up as it is quite an old leash, and before I knew it my crazy little Mr Bo had decided to jump under a passing van killing him instantly. Nothing will ever help the pain I feel, or stop the guilt I feel. It is an intense pain that I will live forever with. He was my best friend, and in many ways he inspired me. And now he is gone.

  • Laurie

    I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you – may you forgive yourself and allow yourself to move forward in peace and acceptance.

    Here’s a beautiful poem, to help you cope with the guilt you feel after your dog’s death…

    Request From Rainbow Bridge
    by Consta Jenkins

    Weep not for me though I am gone
    Into that gentle night.
    Grieve if you will, but not for long
    Upon my soul’s sweet flight.
    I am at peace, my soul’s at rest
    There is no need for tears.
    For with your love I was so blessed
    For all those many years.
    There is no pain, I suffer not,
    The fear now all is gone.
    Put now these things out of your thoughts,
    In your memory I live on.
    Remember not my fight for breath
    Remember not the strife
    Please do not dwell upon my death,
    But celebrate my life.

  • Leah Kirkman

    We just lost our 5 year old Welsh Corgi, Pippa. She was only alone for an hour. She broke through the baby gate and got her head stuck in the cat food container and suffocated. I am wracked with guilt. She had epilepsy and her medications made her starving all of the time. She received the best veterinary care, her own Neurologist and an army of dog walkers and friends who made sure she was rarely alone for more than a few hours and always got her medications on time. No dog was ever more loved. I can’t believe she’s gone, she was the light of our lives. I feel I should never own another dog again after this horrible tragedy. My guilt is so palpable my heart feels like a lead weight in my chest and all I can do is sob. I know the grief will eventually become lighter, but how do you say goodbye to your beloved companion over something so incredibly senseless? If only I hadn’t worked that day, if only I had come home earlier, if only I had better secured the cat’s food, the list goes on and on. Now I am alone and the house is deafeningly quiet without her “chatting” and pestering, her nails clicking on the hardwoods, her barks and growls as she chased the cats around the house (it was a game they all played, the cats actually loved it). No one calls “hello?” at 0600, “where’s my breakfast, I have to pee…” Now just silence. The vet said she died doing what she loved, eating cat food. That gives me little solace. I would do anything to have her back. We methodically controlled her seizures, diet, exercise. We loved her from the depths of our soul. And she was taken from us by a cat food container. I cannot wrap my head around this senseless tragedy. Rest in peace, Sweet Peaches. We loved you to the moon and back. I may be suffering terribly, but I know you are no longer in pain or hungry.

  • Grace

    My dog just died a while ago. Yesterday, May 4,2016 I left the house early in the morning because I had to go to a job interview and I left my dog outside of our house not even a hint that I should make him come inside of his cage or our house. By 12AM, my mom called me and she said that our dog is already lying on the ground breathing heavily and after I went home, me and my brother rushed to the vet clinic to save our poor dog. The vet said that he was suffering from heat stroke and then we confined him there. The doctor put some dextrose on our dog and they put a fan near him. Ang our dog was still breathing heavily but his eyes are still open. Then the vet told us to return tomorrow because we admitted our dog for 24hrs. Then a while ago I got a text from the vet saying that our dog didn’t make it. He died when it was still midnight. And the vet texted me at 9:16AM. And when I finished reading his text I cried heavily. And I am thinking that it was really my fault. I killed my dog. If only I made him come inside his cage he would still be alive now. And I can’t forgive myself and I am still feeling guilty right now. I am blaming myself for our dog’s death. And now I am really having a hard time moving on because I really miss our dog. I miss his barks at our neighbors. I just miss his presence here in our house. And our home won’t be the same again without him with us. And i am regretting the day that I left him. I wish I could restart that day so that I could save him. Maybe he’ll still be alive now. :'( my heart is really broken right now.

    • Leah

      I have 3 beautiful dogs. And the most recent one that we brought home was a 3 month old pit bull. We named him Dekan. He was a beautiful dog who was so smart and great with people and my other dogs. Now we usually keep 2 of them in separate kennels outside and one we let on the porch. Today we were in a hurry to go to church, so I filled up bowls of water for each of them to have. And the big kennel had a shelter over it. The other did not. So I put an old dog bed on top of the kennel to give Dekan some shade for the day. (Not thinking that it would blow off) We came home about 5 hours later to find Dekan laying stiff in his kennel. I am completely grief stricken. I can’t do anything around the house without crying and I know that if I had just taken the kennel inside or secured the bed for shade that he would still be here in his spot on the couch. I don’t know how I am ever going to forgive myself for this. Thank you for sharing your story.

    • Linda

      Oh my I’m so very heart broken to. I’m very sorry your dog passed my beloved dog diesel passed Saturday June 11 I wanted to go see my grandchild an I left my beautiful pit bull in our part of the cabin it had the walls an roof on it I also had a fan an left the door open to outside but blocked it so he couldn’t get out the temp was 95 degress and he had been left there plenty of times but that day I stayed gone from 9-5 when I came home he was already gone. My Buddy was happy loyal loved people slept with us every night I can’t believe I left my baby out there an he suffered to death I will never forgive myself

    • Chris

      I just read your story . I am so sorry. I left my pug outside and forgot about her. Even though she was older she was still full of life. I found her dead on the lawn on a hot day. I am so sad and miss her and the guilt is unbearable
      My kids tell me it wasn’t my fault and trying to make me feel better saying that she was old and just probably passed. I know that isn’t true.

  • Julie

    It has been one week since I lost my Max. He was a 4 yr old Alaskan Klee Kai. So little and beautiful. He would sit with his paws crossed as if he was royalty. He was my baby boy. If I was sitting he was in my lap if I was walking down the hall he was at my heels. To me and my daughter he was so sweet and loving. But he was full of mischief and didn’t care for strangers at all. We often had to deal with locking him in his crate and holding him back when people would come over because he would snarl and bite at them. In this aspect we had learned we need to protect him from the risk of hurting someone else. He was also an escape artist. I have a big fenced in backyard and when I brought home this little tiny puppy and saw how small he was,I put chicken wire fencing around the base of the fence to help prevent him from being able to see a way out. Between the rabbits digging to get in and Max digging to get out, there had been several escapes. I started lining the fence with bricks I did everything I could to keep him in until I realized he had to be tethered. Inside there is always the risk of having the door open to wide during the pizza delivery or the kids going in and out of the house through the garage. There were a couple escapes that way but usually I would just drive my car out and follow him down the road of our are quiet neighborhood and he would jump back in the car thinking we were going for a ride. Every time I would say one of these times he’s going to get hit by a car we need to stop this. Last Tuesday I worked all day came home had a quick dinner with my daughter spent just a few minutes sitting and talking and then I had to leave for parents meeting. I patted Max on the head and kiss my daughter goodbye and went out to the garage. As I stepped through the door I hit the button for the garage and suddenly saw max running across the garage. I yelled “Max No!” I hit the stop button yet he squeezed under the door and a second later I heard a thump. My daughter heard me yell so she ran to me. We open the garage door to discover our little Max laying in the road right in front of our driveway having just been hit by a truck. In the next minute not only did I have to realize that I was seeing my beautiful love of a dog laying dead in the street but I also had to witness my 11-year-old daughter run out and pick up his dead body and scream so loud that the neighbors came out. I am grateful that he died instantly. My daughter said at least we know at that moment he was feeling so proud and so happy for having escape the house. In moments when I’m crying or telling her that I’m so sorry that that happened my 11-year-old is reminding me that it wasn’t my fault. I keep feeling like there were so many things that could’ve happened differently that day. Things I could’ve done different. The feeling of guilt is horrible. I know that I have to accept this horrible mistake and let it go. I need to get myself to the point of looking at pictures of his sweet face and feeling the joy in the memories of him instead of feeling sick with sorrow and guilt. That’s how I ended up on the site, looking for support and looking for affirmation that will be OK to forgive myself. I know for a fact that if Max was here today he would jump up on my lap, lick my face and let me know that he still loves me….. Then probably even try to run out the door again!! The reminder that I did not deliberately hurt my dog so I do not need to feel guilty, as well as reading these other stories has helped. Thank you.

    • yuliana

      Today I ran over my 10 month old baby Westie, and I couldn’t feel more sad or guilty. Normally I take Shiro to pick up the kids from school, today wasn’t the exception, a kid of the carpool wanted to come over to have lunch and when his mom came later he didn’t wanted to leave, so I said I could take him home at 6pm. When the time came, Shiro climbed into the car and I had to put it back on the floor, Then I got out of our garage always keeping him on sight, My husband and a friend were standing there so I couldn’t close the door again, but I never saw that Shiro started following me, and I ran over him with the right rear tire. When I felt the bump I looked at the rear mirror and saw him lying on the street, I yelled and cried so loud, then my husband told me he had died instantly. Now I feel I owe him so much, he was so loving, always my companion, but as a puppy always chewing on everything no one in this house really liked him other than me, I think he didn’t received all the love he deserved from us, I Ended his short life and cant forgive me for that,

      • Paul

        I also ran over my 4 month old German shepherd. The worst feeling in the world. Feeling that bump and not being able to just go into reverse and take that couple feet back, it’s just horrific. I’m so sorry for your loss 🙁

  • Adam

    We lost our sweet Bentley two days ago. He fell from a 40 foot cliff during a hike on Sunday. He survived the fall, and he looked so happy to see us when we found him at the bottom a few minutes later, though I knew he was badly injured and would probably not make it. He died about 45 minutes later in my truck on the way to the vet after another hiker and I carried his 60 lb body from the woods. We started a gorgeous day with a hike in the woods as we often do on weekends, and by mid afternoon, I was burying him in my back yard, wrapped in his blanket, curled up in his sleeping position, with one of his favorite chew toys.

    He was a beautiful reddish-blonde colored, long-haired retriever / lab mix, and would just be coming up on his first birthday. He was so sweet and full of energy. He was a little rambunctious, but so eager to please, and I know he fully trusted me and would follow me anywhere.

    He always did well running on the trail, and he was agile on rugged terrain, but he still had a little bit of that puppy clumsiness. I feel a great deal of remorse and guilt for what happened to him. I should not have allowed him off of his leash near a cliff, and especially after a rain which caused the rock surface to be very slick. He lost his footing and slipped over the edge. In truth, I should probably not have had him in such a dangerous location at all.

    I always thought, “I want my dog to have fun and run free, not be a leashed, caged house pet.” I stand by that statement, but I should have been more careful with where I took him. A momentary lapse in judgment by me caused a situation which, although by chance, resulted in his death. I feel horrible, and I miss him so badly, and I feel so remorseful for cutting his happy little life so short.

    • Michelle

      I know it is hard to make that choice and stand by it but I think you did the right thing. My Little Bear was an off leash adventurer too. I knew the risks, snakes, dogs etc. but I was willing to take them to ensure that she had the kind of life I wanted for her. It may have been a short life for your puppy but it sounds like a happy life. Far better a fleeting moment of happiness then a lifetime of misery. I don’t know how much this helps but I hope it can bring you some comfort

  • Monster

    I almost killed my dog. She kept destroying all the plants in our garden and I wanted her to realize its not correct. So I carried her back home from the garden n pinched her asking not to repeat it. She never usually cries even when she’s in pain, but this time she moaned. I freaked out and kept her on the floor and went to get the car to go to the vet. By the time I came back, she had pooped. This happens right before someone’s death. My pup recovered soon and went back to destroying the garden in 30 minutes, but I cannot forgive myself for what I did. She’s a little baby after all.

  • Jen

    This happened 15 years ago and I still cry my eyes out to this day and feel like I’ll never forgive myself. I was only 17, I was young and stupid, and I went joy riding with a guy mate at the time. For some reason my dog was in the back of the car, I can’t remember why but we must have been driving round for a good couple of hours. At one point she fell off the seat as he went round a corner and we actually laughed!!! That night she wouldn’t come in the house and just lay under the car for a few hours which was massively out of character for her. She passed away the next morning. I hate myself so much for not looking after my beautiful little dog and being so irresponsible and probably causing her death. I love you Bonnie. I’m so sorry x

  • Me

    My poor mom ran over my 15 year old poodle 4 days ago. We both feel a lot of guilt right now.. She does for the obvious reason, and I do because I let it happen. She was old and it was already hard to walk and get up, she had Cushing’s disease and was starting to get infections on her skin.. So i feel guilty because I should have euthanized her before this happened (she fell asleep under the car and I guess she heard it go off but wasn’t so fast to move away}. But she still wagged her tail at me, she loved food and loved sleeping by my side, and I just couldn’t do it. The fact that I’m a vet student doesn’t make it any easier, because I can’t argue I didn’t know! I I knew she was old and sick and couldn’t let her go..
    My mom cries everyday and she can’t take the picture of my baby lying on the floor out of her mind. I act strong for her and tell her its not her fault (I know it isnt).. But I know she can’t shake off that image. We both know we didn’t so it on purpose, but we can’t stop thinking about the pain she felt.
    I try to relief myself and my mom by telling us shes ok now.. She can run and play like she did some years ago and she’s happy.. But it’s so hard to convince ourselves when even priests tell us dogs don’t go to Heaven.

  • Lori

    I let my boston terrier outside to go potty at our apt complex yesterday. Someone hit her with their car and took off. A neighbor lady pounded on my door saying a little black dog was just killed. I realized she hadn’t come back inside yet. She was dead. In the middle of the road. There was a chicken bone next to her. Someone must have left their garbage in the road and she went to get it. My children were with me and unfortunately saw her. We are devastated. She was the best dog. She just had her 11th bdag april 15th. We are having her cremated and I bought my girls and I necklaces that will have her picture on them and a mini urn inside.

    I’m so sad and I don’t know what to do. I feel responsible for letting her out. I can’t stop crying. This hurts worse than when a person dies because she was so innocent and the only one there for me through difficult times. Does this pain ever go away?

  • Maya

    We found this stray kitten on a road. She was only 3 weeks. I waited there on the road to see if her mother will come. After 3 hours, she didn’t so we took her home. She was thin and just too small. In a week time she got better. Became a little healthier. Often playing. The day before yesterday, I found her lying on her side like she was dead. I immediately took her and warmed her up. She was breathing but still limp. Gave her milk and she was fine after that. I let her return to her bed. The next night it was the same. She was having convulsions and died after some time. I feel guilty. I really feel guilty because I had the chance to take her to vet but the circumstances weren’t allowing me. She was with us just for a week but I can’t stop crying and blaming myself. If only I had took better care of her.

  • N

    I feel almost silly for writing this. People here had worse experiences than I had. I was lucky enough not to lose Bella. I was just careless enough to leave a huge box of dark chocolate in paw’s reach. We had to go to the doctor so they’d induce vomiting and then put her on IV. We’re not out of the woods yet, but it looks promising. But I can’t get over the guilt I feel for being so reckless. I live alone and I try to give her everything I have. I try to be so meticulous about everything that involves her. And then this happens. Every time I think of this I can’t stop crying. I just feel so stupid and irresponsible.

    I guess I just needed somewhere to let it out. My parents think I’m crazy for feeling this way. I just wish I could feel like I’m a good mom to her, but I can’t.

  • Vanessa Jors

    When Sammy first came to live with us I was upset b cause i didnt want her to take attn away from my Dog Pandora. But I grew to love Sammy. A few yrs ago we had to put Pandora down I was heartbroken but Sammy helped me get thru it, shes been my baby, my best friend & my world I wouldve given my life for her. She was the sweetest most obedient dog ive ever had, i would hug her & she would put her head on my shoulder abt a wk ago we had been gone for awhile & she hadnt gone to the bathroom like she usually did every day, by the time we got home she had gone to the bathroom in the house which is something she hadnt done n awhile, i found her huddled n a corner hiding i thought she was worried she did something wrong i told her she didnt but she still tried to hide i noticed when she got up to go to the bathroom she had trouble walking her back legs would cause her to slip. I thought it was from the way she had been laying on wed i noticed white stuff coming from her vagina i thought she was just in heat she seemed fine she was dtinking & eating normally but on fri she was hiding again & she refused to go in my rm where she slept i noticed her paws were cold but i thought it was from the cold in the house. She went to the bathroom than finally went to my rm & fell asleep when i woke up a few hrs later she hadnt eaten or drank her water i had to go somewhere so i was preoccupied she seemed fine my dad got her to eat some leftovers we were gone for maybe 3 hrs when we got home she was laying on my floor dead ive never been so heartbroken n my life. Sammy was my baby she meant the world to me i feel like i failed her & didnt protect her like i should have. She depended on me & i let her down, ive done nothing but cry for days i cant do anything i just want my dog back i cant live without her she was my whole life. Ill do anything to have her back

  • Laura

    Our English bulldog Chato was such a noble little guy…had him about 12 years and when my son brought him the first time I though the dog was so ugly and mean looking that I said I didn’t want him..of course we kept him..This began a closeness between him and me and a great love for him..Lately he had slowed down quite a bit and was sleeping a lot during the day. He had gained a lot of weight over the past couple of months. About a year ago they gave us a Siberian husky pup who although she was pretty rough with him, gave him companionship. I had to separate them while eating and stand there until they finished because the husky would fight him for his food so lately Chato would just stay in his house to avoid her and continue sleeping. So I would feed him the pieces of can food.

    Last Thursday I made pork chops for dinner and there was one left plus two small bones. I had already fed them so I saved them till last night Friday and cut up the pieces real small and divided them up with spanish rice I made Friday..I gave the husky her food and Chato his while in his house..as I am standing guard outside his house I see him come out and he’s coughing strongly…I yelled to my son over and over while I am watching Chato coughing harder and harder and I know he is choking and already is losing his balance…my son runs out and says not to panic because I am making the dog distressed too..but I can see his tongue a bluish color and my son opens Chato’s mouth and reaches in and feels the bone lodged in his throat…my son starts crying saying he can’t pull the bone out,.he feels it but with just his fingertips..by the time Chato is unconcious and my son finally gets the bone out..but Chato is unresponsive…I put my mouth over his mouth trying to give him mouth to mouth and my son hits his heart about 5 times but nothing…at that moment we both realize that Chato is gone…

    Had I not given him that bone..but to me it was going to be such a treat for him and I even saved it for him…I did not intentionally mean to have him choke on it..such. Cruel way to due..and today I read what to do if your dog loses consciousness..had we done that last night, he might have lived..but we didn’t know…we tried as best we could. It was so terrible to not be able to revive him..to see him go limp and know he had not made it..and all because of me…I cannot stop crying and reliving every detail..I continually ask Chato to forgive me..I thought he would die of old age but I caused his death before then…God i am so sorry..

  • Laurie

    I am so sorry for your loss. Please find consolation and forgiveness in the fact that you never, ever would have hurt your dog on purpose! Your intention was never to cause pain or even death to your dog…you loved your dog so much, and the last thing you would ever do cause harm on purpose.

    Know that your dog forgives you and would never want you to feel guilty. Forgiving yourself is a choice you have to make every day – a deliberate effort! Know your dog is resting in peace, and your souls will be forever intertwined.

    In sympathy,
    Laurie

  • So sad

    My darling little puppy Henry died a mere 45 hours ago and I am distraught beyond words. I was the one who ended his life by running over him in my car :(. I didn’t see him as he ran trying to race me to the front door to get me before our other dog did. I’d had such a busy week and I was rushing as Henry and I had puppy classes that night and wanted to get things organised. I am devastated that it happened and my grief is so immense. I keep playing the awful scenario of what happened over and over in my head. Everything in the house reminds me of him…. he was such a little mischievious boy and was into everything. He was always getting told off… but he just loved the thrill of everything. In his 7 short months he lived a full life. He loved his head out the window of the car, loved tissues and ripping them up everywhere and loved his toys. He was just starting to get big enough to jump on the couch and chairs – and he was so proud of himself for doing it! We had lots of years left with you little man and I am sad beyond words that we didn’t have that time left together. RIP Henry

    • Laurie. A Abler

      Oh my…I just accidently ran over our 10 year old mini dachshund Ruby 2 days ago. My husband had let her outside and it was late and dark out. I drove into the driveway and ran her over . Thought I hit a rut . Did not know I had run her over until I was getting out of the truck and saw my German shepard go running over to something so I went to see what she was getting so excited about and realized it was Ruby. We buried her in the yard yesterday. I feel so guilty and hurt so bad. ..my heart is breaking. I cry all the time and I keep seeing her sweet face in my minds eye. I wish it never happened…I killed my dog who was so faithful to me and was my soul pet. I can hardly handle it. I went to the local animal shelter and signed up to volunteer there in her memory. My cat keeps searching the house for her too and that is heart breaking.

  • BadMommy

    Yesterday we had to have our beloved mini dachshund put to sleep. He was vomiting in the night on Tuesday, and soon he couldn’t keep water down. My husband took him to the vet, and they said he had kidney failure and bladder stones. The vet kept him overnight, and they expected him to be better after IV fluids so we could pick him up in the morning. But when the vet phoned us yesterday, they said he had started having seizures overnight and his kidneys were shutting down even more. One of the bladder stones had lodged in his urethra so he couldn’t pass urine either. They did emergency surgery, but even before that the vet only gave him 50/50 odds of surviving.

    The vet phoned after the surgery and said they had successfully dislodged the stone. Now we just had to wait and see if his kidneys would start working again. To make a long story short, they didn’t. He went into total kidney failure and began having more seizures. The only way to control the seizures was to keep him under anesthetic. There was no way we could save him at that point. They thought he might even have had a stroke or some kind of brain bleed. I held him as the vet gave him the injection to end his life, and now I feel like I wish I could die with him. I would have done anything at that point to save him, but there was nothing to do.

    But that’s where the guilt comes in. I loved that dog so much. He was like my baby, he went everything with us and sat on my lap all the time. He slept beside me in bed. He was so sweet natured and friendly, his tail always wagging. Everybody loved him and said what a special boy he was. And it’s my fault he’s dead. I could have saved him when it was still possible to do something, and I let him down. I don’t see how I can ever forgive myself because I have true guilt, not just imaginary. It is actually my fault that I don’t have my Snoopy at home with me today.

    Several weeks ago, my husband told me that a couple of times when he’d watched Snoopy go pee, the last couple of drops were red. I told him that the only time I had blood in my urine like that was when I had a kidney infection. But did I do anything? No!! Snoopy didn’t act sick. He ate as usual, and played, and went pee without seeming to be in pain. But I knew he had something wrong in his kidney and I didn’t do anything! Maybe then his kidney failure was early and we could have given him medication or something to help him, but now it’s too late. We left it until we couldn’t ignore it anymore and now he’s dead.

    And what’s worse is that the last time he saw the vet was 3 years ago! We had stopped getting regular vaccinations for our dogs because it was expensive and they were indoor dogs and we figured they weren’t likely to be exposed to any diseases. But if we’d had him in for annual checkups, maybe they would have found out long ago that his kidneys were shutting down! Three years ago everything was normal, but I have no idea when things started to go wrong.

    How could love him so much and then take such bad care of him? How could I put the cost of preventative care ahead of his wellbeing? I believed we were good parents to Snoopy, but we weren’t. We let him down when he needed us most, when we should have been watching and paying attention because he couldn’t tell us what was wrong. And now he’s gone forever and I will always have to live with what I did. I didn’t deserve such a wonderful, special dog. I will carry this guilt with me forever.

    • Lisa

      I’m so sorry for your loss. Your story touched me because our baby Doobie, a mini poodle/terrier died yesterday afternoon.

      Similar to your Snoopy, he had been excessively urinating. He had an ear infection and was on steroids for 2 wks, the vet said it was a side effect. A week after completing his meds, he was still excessively urinating and having accidents in the house. He was 5yrs and completely housebroken. I thought it was the medicine flushing out still.

      He went for his follow up and they said he shouldn’t be peeing like that still. We were told he should get some tests in case he has a kidney infection or stones. They gave us a price and I said if it’s not important, I’ll wait. I figured I could go to another vet where it’s cheaper. First week, too occupied with other stuff to make the appointment. Second week, too occupied with my own stupid stuff again and we adopted a new dog which made 4 now, to make the appointment. I finally said, I’ll take him next week. Over the weekend he started acting differently. Sunday he was aloof and Monday he’d just sit in the bathrooms. Monday night came and he was terrible. He hadn’t eaten in 2 days and he was dehydrated, lethargic and making whispery groaning sounds.

      The next morning my husband took him to the vet and they kept him to administer IV fluids. At 7pm the vet told me he was doing a little better. He had a diabetic Ketoacidosis episode. They were able to get his glucose levels down. Also said I could visit him the following day. I called the next morning, let them know I was coming by. I went with my 2 daughters and the vet said he didn’t do well overnight and that I had to take him to an emergency vet center. We waited there for my husband for 2 hrs while we held him. He looked horrible, his eyes were swollen and it looked like they might’ve bled a little. I took my girls home.

      My husband called from the ER and said his heart stopped and they managed to resuscitate him. He was on life support for less than half an hr when he was declared brain dead. I agreed to remove him from life support so he wouldn’t suffer.

      WHY didn’t I take him to the vet in the weeks prior? WHY didn’t I rush him to ER Sunday? WHY was I so neglectful? If I had taken him to the vet, not ignored it, he would be on treatment and he’d still be with us. I have caused my family so much pain. Our other dogs wander around at night looking around and are depressed during the day. And it’s only day 2! There’s an emptiness in our house because of me. I understand what you’re feeling. My guilt is so immense. Why was I so selfish. I thought, he’s fine, he’s our Doobie, he’ll always be here, it’s not serious, I’ll get him into the vet. What a joke I am. And I’m actually responsible for 3 kids too! I’m trying hard to make it right by making sure the other dogs are good. That makes me guilty too and ashamed that it took his death to do it. Guilty for not starting with him.

      I’m devastated, so heartbroken. I’m keeping myself busy all day just to keep myself from crying and slipping into depression. I keep thinking I’ll see him in his usual spots when I look over. In 2014, we lost my mother in law. In 2015, we lost our close friend and neighbor. Now, I make it worse by neglecting our baby until he dies to add to the yearly death roster!

      I know this was long, but I guess it really does feel good to write it out. Reading these comments has helped some, I appreciate the opportunity. I’m trying not to cry every 5 seconds.

    • Marley

      I lost my beloved dog Marley yesterday. I can’t get it out of my mind that it was all my fault. We were pulling the seats out of my minivan at 8:00am so we could put a couch in there. She crawled up in the car beside me, I left for a min and came back. After an hour I gave up, shut the doors and went inside. Little do I know that my poor baby is still in the back of the car suffering. I walked back out to my car at 5:00pm, I opened the door and saw her dead body laying there. It crushed me. She was a big part of my life. She loved me unconditionally and I repay her by killing her. I can’t get her out of my mind. I had to burry her today and it was the hardest thing ever. I’m so sorry baby girl, please forgive me.

      • Rob

        I am crushed. A similar situation happened to me yesterday. I took my year old lab Hunter to run some errands and when we got home, I quickly unloaded the car, let him out and went inside. When I came back, I noticed I left the door open and flipped it closed. My beloved dog was inside… I am devastated. He was my best friend and I feel so empty. I will pray every day that he forgives me. I can’t stop crying. I am absolutely heartbroken.

  • Kez

    I lost my little Bonnie girl two days ago. I miss her terribly, she was my little puppy girl. She would great me every time came through my front door. So very excited to see me. She was a wander and I had to keep her inside. I blame my self as I knew when I let her out to pee she would jump side fence and wander off. I knew she had no road sense but most of the time I would go find her or she would come back to front door. Not this day and I am to blame. I should of went looking for her but I was to selfish and was doing other things. My puppy depended on me for everything from feeding to affection and one very important factor SAFETY. I tried to stop her from jumping fences by putting up a barrier but she was such a good jumper, she was a fast little foxy. I should have done much more but that’s ok to say now isn’t it as I didn’t do it then 🙁 that makes me a very selfish person and I will not forgive myself. The lady next door came to tell us. I thought she just wanted to me to get my dog as it was in her yard, but I heard my partner say she is dead and I just crumbled. When he brought her back she was I a white sheet and I kept saying lets take her to the vet pleading with him, but he knew she was dead. she was four houses up. They didn’t stop, but a lady saw her and went and asked the neighbours which led them to us. did she die instantly or did she want me there to help her. I feel so guilty I didn’t go get her as I have chanced to. My heart aches and I know when I go home this afternoon she wont be there to great me. You will be forever in my heart Bonnie Boo. I have been reading all the stories on here and I realise I am not alone. I hope everyone is ok x

  • Nae

    I had a 8 week old yorkie she was as sweet as can be well today i took her to the groomers to get her first cut and i went and picked her up she was beautiful with her lil bandanna around her neck just cute with her new lil cut and she knew it well i was at my moms house waiting on my girlfriend to get off work and it was time to go get her but i had to run my mom somewhere and i decided im going to clean out my bavk seat of my car and i thought she stayed inside the house but lil did i know she was right behind me and not knowing i opened my driver door to set the stuff i had in my had down but i kept the door open and still did not see her i was in the back seat cleaning and i hear her cry so i got out the car to see her lower body hanging so i rush to open the door and all i seen was blood so im thinking its something small like a nose bleed so im trying to look to see and she wouldn stop moving then i realized she couldn move her neck and thats when i knew she was gone it hurt me to my heart to see her like that and now every time i close my eyes i see it all over again

  • Paul

    My little Snitzie was a female mini dachshund who live with my wife and I for about 13 years. She was probably two years old when we got her. She loved me fiercely and would “protect me” from any other of our pets that would try to get my attention; barking and growling at them Last fall she was diagnosed with cancer and was having stomach problems. I was told to keep her on a canned diet.

    My wife and I have been living in separate states due to the needs of her mother who she is taking care of. I am trying to maintain a job, take care of my mother who is in a nursing home and prepare our current home to be sold. I am in a constant state of exhaustion.

    As stated earlier, Snitzie was not able to eat dry food due to digestive issues. She had been on a canned diet for many months. I had run out of canned food and did not replace it and fed Snitzie dry food for several days. Last Saturday morning I woke up and Snitzie was dead beside me. Looking around I had seen that she had thrown up her dry food and that there was blood on the bed. I feel so much guilt that I killed a dog that I love and it makes me wonder about what kind of human being I am. I have not told my wife about his and don’t know if I should. I only know that I miss my little Snitzie. Any advice or help would be appreciated.

    • carol

      I so feel for you. U did not know your dog would die from eating dry food. My dog 15 year old had congested heart failure among other problems. I didn’t have enough meds to give her 2 a day for memorial day weekend. I GAVE her 1 a day and she died. I was the 1 who kept my dog alive for 2 years after she was diagnosed with megaaophogas. Fed her 5 times a day in my arms for 2 years yet neglected her heart medicine. I am sick with guilt and can barely function.

  • Sir Donald Dust

    168 hours ago, My darling Frankie, a 17 month old chocolate brown Moodle[Maltese x Toy Poodle] female, got out the front door when someone else opened it, and got ran over.
    the last i saw she was running past me in th eopposite direction out the back door to the safe back yard, with one of my socks in her mouth. She was so happy, and tried to get me to chase her as she went, but i was making the kids breakfast.
    And then all of a sudden my wife was calling me from out the front, and i ran to her, and then my world collapsed.
    I lost my grip, and just freaked out. She dies instantly, but I held her and kept asking her to wake up, and then threw myself on the ground and freaked out. I needed to hold it together for my family but i could not do it. I head butted the power pole and thumped the ground, and screamed and yelled, and needed to be escorted inside, where i cuddled my baby dog for an hour asking her to wake up, and trying to resuscitate her.
    I had wanted another child. My wife was not up for that, however my daughter wanted a doggy, and my wife and I had always wanted a small little dog, so we chose a Moodle, and the day she came home she connected herself to me, and never left my side. I work from home, so she stayed with me always. I took her for rides on my skateboard, and then when she was older, she would run along on the lead in front or next to the board. We did this every single day for her exercise, and we also threw balls for her to run and catch every day. She was the best friend I have ever had apart from my wife. She was my baby. I wanted another baby child, but i got given Frankie instead, and she became my baby.
    I miss her so so terribly. I feel so horribly guilty for a few reasons though. One is , each morning I would make sure I knew where she was and pick her up so she could not run out the door when my Wife left, yet hat morning I did not. The only morning i did not do it she died. The other thing is, i did not make the front gate enclosed enough, for she knew how to get through it. It would have been so simple to fix. Usually the times she got out, she would just run to the footpath and then wait for me to put a lead on her. Usually I doid that in the house, but she was a fast little girl who sometimes got out, so she would wait. But this morning she ran out on the road, and by chance our quiet street had a car coming along and now it is over.
    I have not stopped crying all week long. I do not know how I am ever going to forgive myself, and do not know how to get over her death.
    I miss her so much. All I want to do is call her name and throw ball for her. I cannot ride my skateboard anymore. I just want to wake up with her kissing me again. Each morning she would kiss me to wake me up and give me the biggest softest cuddles. She slept next to me every night. Frankie loved me so much.
    I always had time for her. I always let her sit in my lap. Frankie made me feel so special.
    Frankie knew I loved her, and she trusted I would always be there to protect her. I let her down that morning. I should have followed her out the back when she wanted me to , and then she would not have snuck passed towards the front door, and got out.
    I have been screaming silently all week long, and crying violently. I am having trouble sleeping, and trouble eating. I am a 43 year old grown man for fuck sake. This is ridiculous behaviour. I just have no control over it.
    I will get another Moodle one day. It might take a while, but I know Frankie would want me to have another dog. She loved all other dogs and loved it when I played with other dogs. At the moment though, I cannot bring myself to even leave the house.
    Our cat Tux, would cuddle her and clean her and play games with her, and now she is fretting also.
    My children are coping well, as kids do, but they are still upset. My wife is also upset. Frankie was our dog, but she was my companion. So it is me who feels shattered.
    I am sorry this is so long. I am rambling. It feels good to write it , even if I am sobbing. Thankyou.

    • Heartbroken

      We lost our sweet ace yesterday. Same way. He was hit by a car right outside our street. My husband and I had left for an appointment and my children were home with ace and a babysitter. As we were leaving ace tried to come with us. I said to my husband lets just take him. He said no. Ace escaped out of the backyard less than an hour later. Now ace is gone. My husband blames himself. I don’t blame him but I wish he would have said yes. He was only 7 months and the sweetest, kindest, most loving dog. I miss him terribly and can’t stop thinking about him and all the things we did together.

  • Matthew

    Our family got 2 Siberian Huskies at the beginning of last summer. They were 11 months old and they had been together since birth. Their birthday is tomorrow. However, last night when my mom came home she opened up the garage before closing the gate and did not know that the pups were in the garage. They immediately ran out and up the driveway. They usually come back as soon as we call their names, but last night thy just kept running. I got a call from my friend who was following them down the road, trying to call them to him. It was then that he witnessed one of them get hit by a car and she died instantly. We don’t know how to help our other dog grieve over the loss of her sister. We don’t even know how to grieve in this time. We gave her the happiest, and best life we possibly could while she was alive. But my mother insists that it is her fault our baby girl is gone. She keeps trying to give “what if” situations. Even though none of us blame her for what happened, she insists that we hate her. She also thinks that our remaining dog hates her for “causing” her sisters death. How do we help my mother and our dog when we don’t know how to deal with this either? Please help us.

  • Daya Lorenzo

    2/29/16
    I’m a wreck. I’m 22 and had just adopted a 7 week basset hound puppy for myself after having one before and losing him to old age I knew I had to get another one. And I did, his name was Kylo. He was my baby and the most beautiful one. Sadly yesterday night i pulled up to my drive way and both my parents were outside waiting for me. My mothers eyes, you could tell she had been crying. And without too much waiting my dad had told me and I’ll never forget “Kylo is no longer with us, he drowned.” I dropped to my knees and I haven’t been able to stop sobbing since last night. My poor baby he was only 10 weeks a couple weeks shy from 3 months and he has drowned. That puppy was my baby my love, I loved him so much, I had driven 6 hours to get him and couldn’t stop counting down the days till I had him. I was driving home that night excited Bc I was going to see my baby. My heart is broken and I don’t know what to do. He had fallen into the pool when he was let out like he has been doing for the past 3 weeks, with out other dog Caesar. He never would go into the pool area and when I saw him I would go pick him up and take him to the yard again, but this time when he was let out he some how managed to fall into the pool and my parents didn’t realize it in time and found floating on top of the pool. He was just a baby and so little. My heart is so broken. This year had started with a bang with me being able to get him and him completing me after losing my other basset hound and now I have lost them both.

  • Chiquita's Mom

    @Maggie’s Mom…I have been enduring the same guilt. In April of last year, I let my terrier mix (Chiquita) out before bed to relieve herself. She went out the front door, which was very routine as she had done this for 10 years with no problems. She never strayed from our front yard, but on this night she saw a cat across the street and immediately bolted after it. In the blink of an eye, she was hit by a car speeding down our usually quiet street and died instantly. It all happened so fast, but eerily slow at the same time. I ran to her but she was gone. My heart sank. I picked up her lifeless body and held her in my arms for as long as I could. It hurts as much now as it did that night and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get over the pain and guilt that I feel. I miss her so…she really was my best friend and her passing is all due to my carelessness of not keeping her on a leash. I will never make that mistake again.

  • Maggie's Mom

    On Monday night 01/04/16, our little welsh terrier, Maggie, was hit and killed by a car and it was my fault. I got home from work a little earlier than normal as my husband was out of town and I let the dogs out into the backyard. I was feeling lazy and checked out from the world by distracting myself with my phone. Two hours later I get the call. Our gate had been left open but the dogs never would have found out if I had not left them unattended for so long in the yard. She was hit right near our house so they had not been out of the yard long. She was not quite 4 years old.

  • --

    It needs to be more socially acceptable, and there needs to be more widespread support for people who should not have dependents, either pets or children. She was not my dog, but I have been the daytime caregiver for offspring’s dog, and I have had a deep bond and love with her for 16 years. Speaking as an historically poor care-giver, my last memory of interaction with the best dog in the world, who had been cared for and treated for a year for multiple severe problems, which she kept rallying miraculously from, is that I took her for a ride in the car, and she fell the short distance into the well of the back seat, while I was driving 5 mph. I did not immediately pull over to get her back onto the seat. Part of that was due to heavy traffic, but part of it was a sense of having had it. She climbed back up on her own, but I had let her be in that well for 5 minutes. The worst of it is, of course, knowing that at that moment, I just didn’t care. Far better to acknowledge if you are not a caregiver, and know when you’ve reached your limit than to cause harm, or have the sense of not caring, even for a moment.

  • Craig

    I saw the last response by ”Nick” in which I have three Pomeranians. As a matter of fact out of the blue a couple of years ago I sent photos of my Pomeranians to Laurie. Since then we’ve adopted our third Pomeranian named ”Casper.” When my Himalayan Manx Cat passed away back in September 1995, my life gradually was went downhill after that to the point I felt that no one would understand. My parents are elderly now in their 80’s.My Pomeranians are ages 7, 6, 11 months. Looking ahead if I’m still around in 10 more years, I’ll will be dealing with a lot of loss grieving from what my instincts are telling me. I realize people change yet truly wondering what may happen when all this comes down in a short amount of time. My need to cope, will be a HUGE challenge, my Dogs are so special to me. I recall that one day I’ll never forget it was Friday July 16th 2010. Our oldest Pomeranian gave birth via Cesarean the day before. She had five pups all girls. As I watched them during the night, yet told my roommate to take over watching them.She never did, all the pups were attacked, two of them dead. My heart felt hollow inside seeing this before my eyes. We took the pups to the vets as a surgeon came into the room yelling at us . We already felt horrible already let alone this vet yelling which I was about to get up then tell her a thing or two. My roommate decide to give the pups to the vets in which the three have great homes. The thing that still gets me is the two that died. That really crushed me unlike anything in quite some time. I realized that the most important dogs in the world were the two that I still had. Cherish every moment with them,. A note someone recommended for me ,was when my Pomeranian passes to the next world, is to make donations to Pomeranian Rescues in his/her name. No donation too small just do this with several honorable centers to keep their spirit alive in their name. I just might do that when the time comes about. My dogs are the kids I never had, that taught me some responsibility not to mention a priceless wonderful relationship unlike any friendship in the world. Midnight, Sampson, Casper , your Daddy truly loves you!!! I’m not just a dog person….I’m a proud Pomeranian Daddy. :>)

  • Nick

    I had my toy Pom for 6 years until 2 days ago. He was the best friend I ever head. Anytime I was sad he knew exactly how to cheer me up. My friends invited us over and I knew they had a pit bull but it was usually locked up or in a bedroom. I set him down on the ground and the other dog immediately charged and got him by the neck. I rushed him to the vet but his heart stopped shortly after. They said he had brain trauma so even if they could have stabilized him he may never have been the same. I just hope he knew how much I loved him and someday I will see him again.

  • Gary

    My Abby was a 5-year-old beautiful Golden Retriever. She was the sweetest dog ever. We moved to the country about half-a-year ago, and I let her run free, though I did “teach” her not to pass a certain spot in the front yard to keep her out of the road. She understood not to follow me past that point. However, our property has a lot of road-frontage beyond the “yard”. One morning last week, the kids missed the bus on the first pass, so they went down the road to the neighbor’s to catch it on the way back. Abby went through the woods and tried to cross where the kids were waiting and got hit by a car. The vet said her front leg was shattered and would require surgery. Her back hip was knocked out of socket, and may also require surgery. In all, it was going to cost between $3000 and $5000. After consulting with my wife, I decided to let my Abby go. I am dealing with a lot of guilt over that decision along with not getting an in-ground fence in place sooner. To be fair, we have had a lot on our plates since we’ve moved. We have two teens, two foster-children (toddlers), and we have fostered three others over the past few months. At one time, we had six children living with us. Still, I can’t seem to let go of the guilt. If I loved Abby as much as I say I did, I would have protected her better, and I would have paid the cost to have her surgery done. We aren’t rich by any means, but we’re not struggling financially either. In other words, I could have made sacrifices, and now wish I had. My wife tries to re-assure me that even if I had put her through surgery, Abby might never be the same, and there was no way to know something else wouldn’t happen to her soon after. I have tried to look at this as a learning experience to take better care of any future pet. I have tried focusing on the good times Abby and I shared, and that she loved me and would forgive me. Still, I can’t seem to stop thinking about the what-ifs.

  • Jamie

    My kids and I were visiting my parents 45 min away from home. We weren’t home yet when my husband came home for his 8pm break and let both my dogs out to pee. Of course, they ran off, and he had to leave to go back to work at 830. I got home at 900 and didnt notice they werent in the kennel right away til I heard a scratch at the door. It was my youngest dog, Jax but his mama, Lily, was not with him. I asked my son to let him in, and I went to get ready for bed assuming, like usual, Lily would be shortly behind Jax. I had not slept well the night before, and fell asleep sitting on the edge of my bed taking my socks off… Next I know it is midnight. I checked hoping she was in the kennel… but she wasn’t. I got my coat on and drove up the road, only to find her lying on her side, in the road, eyes open, not breathing. I covered her with a blanket from my van and brought her home…I have never felt so guilty. I should have gone looking sooner. What if she came to the door while I was asleep and no one let her in so she wandered off again? If I was home, this would have never happened… I will never know… May she rest in peace. I will miss her so… Love you Lily…my girl.

  • Reader

    My 9 year old Great Pyrenese dog passed away yesterday. I think she died of bloat because I fed her too much food. She had cut up steak with her kibble and bread with peanut butter. The guilt I feel is devestating.

  • Laurie

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how heartbreaking it is to hold a beloved dog as she is dying. It sounds like you feel so guilty and bad about her last couple of days…and yet you did everything you could to take care of her. You loved her right to the very end, and she knows that.

    Yes, I think your dog still knows you loved her with all your heart and soul. An outburst of frustration is nothing compared to the years of love, attention, time, food, playing, walking, and petting you gave her! Dogs know when they’re loved.

    I hope you can forgive yourself. I hope you are able to find healthy ways to deal with the guilt and grief you feel about your dog’s death. Please don’t let the end of her life affect the whole relationship you had with her. The love and bond you shared is precious, and my prayer is that it will get stronger and more treasured as you process your grief.

    You did everything you could for your dog, and she knows it. She is resting in peace now. May your heart heal, and your soul be filled with peace and the joy that comes from loving a good dog.

    • mylilsoulmate

      Thank you, Laurie! Yes you are right, and I know it, but the hardest task now will be to fight the regret and guilt about the last two nights. But you are right, I will keep reminding myself, that she had such a great last 2 yrs. with me and we shared sosososo many wonderful moments! I hope she didn’t die because she felt I didn’t love her anymore or I was giving up on her. But my friends keep telling me that her heart was old an weak, she was, after all 17,5, and acute heart failure is nothing that can be prevented at this age. I truly believe her mind and sould would still be with me but her body failed. To all who are reading this: please stay with your dog til the very last minute, we owe it to them!!!! I know she was afraid, she didn’t understand what was going on, and holding her helped her, I am sure! And I hope it made up a little for yelling at her the night before:-( Love and Peace, treat your pets as if any day could be the last, because it may be their last!!!!!

  • mylilsoulmate

    2 yrs ago I adopted a 15 yr old lil dog from a shelter. she had mites in hear ears, causing her to become deaf, she could hardly walk because her behind legs didn’t work anymore and she was inconitent. I have 2 more dogs and had them for 12 and 10 yrs. i fell in love with her right away, i didn’t care that she needed diapers and pooped all the time. she was the love of my life and taught me so so much! I bought a doggy stroller and we started having lil ‘adventures’, to lakes, into the mountains, to animals parks, riverbanks, etc etc. she enjoyed every minute of it! I only worked part time, so I had enough time for the dogs, most of all for her! she needed special diet, and was the happiest dog of all and so were mine. I didn’t miss not being able to be gone from home for more than 5 hours, or go on a vacation, I had her!! Then, last week, she had a boost of diarrhea again, she often had that! she was 17 and human seniors are much alike…..so, I didn’t think anything of it! But it got really messy because she lost her diaper when I was at work and the mess was pretty nasty when I got home around 10 PM….So I yelled at her a little, for the first time EVER! But made up 5 min later, because I knew it was’t her fault and she was fine since she couldn’t hear me anyways, I hope….????? The next day we all went to another lil trip in the morning, to a river bank and to a small forest, all was fine, she had a good time! But she wouldn’t eat much, but again, that was normal too for her, some days she ate more than others, but she was panting a lot…….But I have a wood stove in the living room, so I thought she was just warm from the heat. That night when I got home from work she had diarrhea again, it got on the carpet and all over her behind and even on me and she was panting like crazy, and I was really upset again – the second night in a row!!!! Never was for 2 yrs, but all the pooping and panting really got to me and by the time I had her, me and the house clean again, it was 1 AM! the room was very warm so I opened all windows, and after cleaning her, I put her in the kennel, but left the door open, which she loved, because it was her little cave and it was further away from the oven. I was afraid she would poop again during the night, so I figured the kennel be a good place just for one night! I also decided to sleep next to her on a camping mattress…..just in case she was NOT OK because it started feeling NOT right to me that she was pooping and panting th way she was:-( ?!!! I live in a very small village and there is NO emergency vet. And I really didn’t know if anything was really wrong with her either, since she often had diarrhea and my other dog was panting, too! The next morning she wouldn’t come out of her kennel, so I gently took her out and cuddled her, she didn’t poop over night, and as I held her I could feel something was not right!! She seemed without strength and started panting again!!!! So I called the only vet in town and drove right by 5 min later. And was told she was dying of acute heart failure, her temperature had went down and her mouth was all white inside. It was a SHOCK!!!! The vet said to relieve her, she was chocking…….so I held her when she got the first shot and the second. I am heart broken since! I burried her at our favorite lake and wrote her a love and good bye letter and sunk it in the lake, I will never forgive myself for yelling at her for pooping the way she did the last couple of nights:-((( All my friends tell me I gave her the best 2 yrs in her life, she could not have been happier, but I feel so vain, so horrible!!! Never before did I get upset when she pooped, and lost her diaper, but the last two nights, when she must have needed me most, I got upset with her, and I hate myself for that!!! Do you think she knows I still loved her with all my heart and soul? even though I did not see that she was dying??????

  • Rachelle

    Our beloved 4yr old Burmese Oggy lost his life on Monday 8th February to a horrible accident. He has always been a very curious cat and would hop into cupboards if you left the door open or into any spots he could fit into. I have to say he was probably one of the best cats I have ever owned, so full of life, attitude and love. Well for some reason I would always worry when I heard my washing machine bang like it was off balance or something, any time this happened I would panic and think in my head “where is Oggy”, I have two cats but I only ever worried about Oggy. Of course he was never in there but it just would hit me in the stomach and I would be fearful of checking the washing machine. Well on Monday I got a call from my housemate with the worst news imaginable, that somehow while she was doing her laundry he had found his way into the washing machine and without her knowing she had accidentally killed him. Oggy would often disappear for a day or two so when he didn’t come home that night I wasn’t too worried and he wasn’t there for his breakfast the next day I went out calling for him but he didn’t come in. When I got that call at work I totally fell to pieces knowing that he had died in such horrible circumstances but also was in shock that he died in a way that I was always paranoid he would even though in all of his four years I had never seen him get into that washing machine so I don’t know why I feared that he would do that. I feel so guilty, I feel empty inside and I know my housemate feels the same if not worse but I don’t know how or if I will ever recover from this. We went out and purchased a new washing machine, I can’t bring myself to use the old one but my Mum wants to take it and I just want to smash it to pieces with a hammer. I think about him all of the time and imagine all of the ways he could have died in there, did he drown? Did it take long, how much did he suffer, I know he suffered terribly and I just can’t stop thinking about it.

  • Laurie

    Dear Daniel,

    Thank you for sharing your experience. I can only imagine the pain and grief you feel, as well as the confusion about your marriage. Your wife is also suffering, and understandably not able to easily find ways to deal with the guilt about causing your dog’s death.

    I encourage you and her to talk to a counsellor together. I don’t think this problem is easily solved by “simply” getting a divorce or deciding to stay married. No matter what option you and your wife choose, you both still need to work through your pain and grief. A counselor will give you ideas for processing your feelings and re-establishing trust and love in your marriage — even if you get divorced.

    I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a dog is painful no matter what the circumstances are…and it’s a difficult pill to swallow when your wife was responsible for your dog’s death.

    Talk to a counsellor. Hopefully, both you and she will have time alone with the counsellor, as well as time together. You both have a great deal of healing to do…and I don’t think you should navigate it alone. Get support, so you have guidance and wisdom through the process.

    In sympathy,
    Laurie

  • Daniel Sampson

    I have an unusual situation. I am an extreme dog lover, my wife is not. I was raised with dogs in the house, she was not, and can’t handle dogs inside. I insisted that we get a dog, and she was against it but finally relented. We got a sweet puppy, and I was happy. We are very busy people and are gone alot, me more than my wife, so it was hard to take care of the puppy. Unfortunately my wife was the one who took care of her the most, and she had never housebroken a dog before. We would crate her, but she still would mess in the house. My wife was constantly taking care of the puppy, cleaning up after her, washing her bedding, all the while dealing with her stressful job, and the kids. She would cry and say she couldn’t do it anymore and wanted to find the puppy a new home, but I was adamant and said no, the puppy was ours and she would just have to deal with it. I believe that animals are like family members, and she believes they are just animals. She said when the puppy pooped in the house it was like a goat or something was pooping on the floor, since she was raised with animals outside. I knew she was struggling, but I just wanted to keep the dog. Well I went on one of my 3 day work trips, and I guess the dog had chewed up the furniture and pooped all over the house again and she snapped and put my dog down when I was gone. She at first just told me the dog had just died, but then she admitted that she had killed it. She is ridden with guilt, and cries all the time now. She said she was extremely depressed, and was ready to leave me cause she knew I was adamant about keeping the dog and didn’t give her an option, and basically was choosing the dog over her. She said I had backed her into a corner and didn’t give her any options and she felt there was no way out. She thought about just taking the dog to another town and dropping her off somewhere, but she was afraid she would starve and suffer. She also thought about taking it to the shelter but she knew that would probably put her down too, so she thought just going ahead and putting her down was the best thing. She said she felt like I had backed her into a corner, and had given her no way out, since I wouldn’t even consider finding her a new home. My problem is, I think she is a murderer. She is devastated and can’t forgive herself, so how can I forgive her? Should I divorce her? We have 4 kids together and other than this she is a good person, she just is not an animal lover and never has been. Please help.

  • Laurie

    It takes a lot of courage to share how guilty you feel for causing your dog’s death. Thank you for sharing your story, because it will help hundreds of sad pet owners deal with guilt about their own dogs’ deaths.

    May you forgive yourself, and know that your dog has forgiven you totally and completely! Your dog loves you, and knows you would never ever have done anything to deliberately cause harm. Your dog wants you to be peaceful and happy, and to live without guilt, shame, or grief.

    Take a deep breath, and let the peace and love of your dog flow into your heart. Accept forgiveness and love. Grieve your loss, work through the pain, and find ways to heal your heart.

    In sympathy,
    Laurie

  • Julia

    Today after work i went and got my 2months and 3week year old son his formula and i came home which i live in apts and went to the laundry mate to wash and this american lady said something rasis to me and when she was leaving she hit me with the door. In my 23 years of life iv never experienced anything like that myself untill nw. I was so mad and i also wanted to cry and i still do. Well i tell my husband lets go walk the baby and the dog around while we wait for the cloths. So i go get my almost 2year old half red nose and Shepard dog and im walking him. Well my husband doesnt tell me there is someone coming tords us and im still thinking about wat jst happend well my dog jumped at this man and almost bit him and jst got the back of his shirt and my husband is yelling at me saying its my fault so i get even more mad because my dog has been like that with ppl he doesnt knw and i had got really tierd of it. My husband couldnt even control him when he would act like thaT with ppl. So i took him to the pound and signed him over and nw i feel guilty because i got him when he was 2weeks old and i bottle feed him and he would cry for me sometimes he wasnt a bad dog he was jst getting to aggressive with people he didnt knw that didnt do nothing to him and with other dogs and i had gotten tickets from him running out the gate at our old house and iv had to pay alot of money to get him out of the pound and if i would of gotten in trouble again because of him then i would of gotten in really big troulbe and i do feel bad for my husband but he also didnt fight for the dog to stay he jst said fine but your going to take him i couldnt take it no more and i cant jst give him to anyone so i put him down and he was so scared when we got there he didnt want to go inside and now i feel like a piece of shit.

  • javier

    last sunday we went out with the kids and wife and as i was leaving i stop by the main gate of the house to see that it was looking not completely closed, the gate was damaged and just a little push would open it, we spend the whole day out side while it was storming, when we got home the gate was fully open and our beagle was not home, i looked for him thinking he would be inside the house since it was raining, and i thought, dumb dog, for sure he’ll be crying out side asking me to open the gate, he would love to go roam every time he found the door open. As i unloaded the things from my truck and sat down my phone rang, with a crying lady telling me she witnessed my beagle getting ran over by an suv and it looked like he died, this was a couple blocks from the house. I met with her and grabbed my dog, he was still warm and his nose was wet, but his heart wasn’t beating and he was not breathing anymore. i’ve been crying every day thinking, if i should’ve fix that gate like i said i would, if i would made sure that it was properly closed.
    I’m sorry buddy, we miss you a lot

  • Brad Stewart

    My name’s Brad. I’m 23 years old and my wife Ferney and I live with my parents. We have 3 pugs, two of them tan pugs and 1 of them was a black pug. These pugs are my parents dogs but I treat them as if they were my own. There names are Boozh, Maisy and Ava. Ava was the black pug that died. Here’s my story on how I accidentally killed my parent’s dog Ava. On Monday February 1st 2016 at 9:00 P.M I was coming home on my way from picking up my wife from school, it was dark and the roads were wet. My wife and I live at my parents house at the moment as we are helping my dad with his health issues. I drive a Ram 3500 diesel truck and its a loud truck so the dogs would hear me when I’d come home. so every time I come home the three pugs would run outside and greet me as I would walk into the house. As I was driving home that night, I’d pulled into the driveway. I didn’t know that my dad had the dogs outside going to the bathroom because I didn’t seem him standing outside. I was pulling up to park my truck when I felt that I ran over something. I thought, “Oh God, please let it be a hunk of snow.” Instantly my heart began to race and my limbs became numb. I got out of the truck and looked behind the back left wheel and there she was. Laying in a pool of blood. I completely and utterly lost my mind, I had no control over myself. My dad was standing nearby, he didn’t see what happened. I ran up to him and told him what had happened and he ran over and grabbed her. I was literally running around my driveway, screaming, “this isn’t real! This isn’t real! What the hell did I do?” Ava was my mom’s favorite dog and also my favorite to. She was such a sweet and loving dog and i just couldn’t believe that she was gone. In one moment she was alive, the next moment she was dead. My dad had carried her in the house and told my mom. Meanwhile, I was still running around my driveway like a chicken with its head cut off, screaming and yelling and trying to comprehend what had just happened. My mom came outside to find me and she was just as hysterical as i was. I started running away from her because I was afraid and i couldn’t face her for what i had just done. she yelled and said, “Its not your fault! Its an accident!” I stopped and we hugged each other, hysterically bawling together. A little later she called her best friend Lisa and told her what happened. I was still outside and my wife was with me the whole time trying to comfort me. Lisa came and saw me laying on the driveway, she came over to me and her and my wife helped me up and walked me into the house. The next morning we found another black pug puppy that was for sale and we drove a few hours to pick it up. Her name is Reya. Im still trying to cope with what happened, I still can’t comprehend that she is gone. It still seems like a bad dream and when i wake up, she’ll be there. My parents insisted that it is not my fault and it was an accident, but i’m still trying to believe that for myself. I hope one day that i can forgive myself and find a new normal in life.

  • Sydney

    This morning as I was leaving for work, my daughter was letting our dogs out. Our big girl, Carter always goes on a leash out the front door but our little boy,Geronimo was able to roam because he normally didn’t wander too far. My daughter had come back in to tell me something while the dogs were out. When we went back to check on them Geronimo had scurried across the street. I quickly put my coat on to get him. I thought perhaps if I opened the garage door he would come home on his own. As the door started going up he started across the street and a big black truck came over the rise. Geronimo was coming home when I heard a thud and then saw his little 14lb body fly up in the air. He made it to the yard and we made it to the vets office in record time but we couldn’t save him. If we had just put him out to the fenced back yard or if we had at the very least stayed outside with him, he might be here now, cuddled beside me taking up half the recliner. I am so sad and feel such guilt. He was my daughters fur baby, possibly her only child, my grand baby. And now Our big girl, Carter is looking around like what the heck is going on. We left so fast this morning she didn’t even get to say goodbye to her buddy. This afternoon it was all I could do to cuddle with his “babies” just to smell him again.

  • Chance

    On Friday afternoon I was leaving to pick my daughter up from school when are 2 year old Yorkie eyes always glued on me jumped up knowing I was about to leave she loved going for car rides, any opportunities I got I would take her with me. So I got ready to go Sophie jumping around excited to as I was leaving I usually pick her up but lately whenever I asked her if she wanted to go for a ride she would know what was coming and walk with me to the car,but other times she would see the door open and run like it was freedom. So I opened the door she took off to the front yard she had to pee then she started walking in the street usually not very busy, as I went to the car calling her she just stopped in the street and looking at me I called again but all of a sudden a truck driving faster than normal came around the corner Sophie still looking at me then last sec she runs the tire rolls over her, killing her instant, the truck kept going even after I was waving frantically. I freaked out running to house getting my wife, I was in shock I actually watched my dog die in front of me. I could have avoided it only if I carried her to the car, or had her on a leash, or If I would have took the other vehicle, or just left her at home. I feel terrible Im blaming myself cause I did cause it not sure what im going to do now. My stomach hurts Im not eating much I cant sleep very long or I cant go to sleep. Im very depressed beyond what I feel is normal, Im always crying I just keep seeing that image in my mind. What can I do? She was a very special dog we had a true bond she would sit on my lap, or sit on the bathroom floor and wait for me to shower, jump in laundry baskets to sleep. Im not sure where to turn maybe see a doctor Im kinda afraid of what might happen please help!! I loved Sophie so much she was taking to soon!

  • Michelle Koitka

    Last night after a very long day I came home with my dauhhter to find my son relaxing in the house with our 2 beautiful little fur babies, Rosie a shitzu x maltese 2 yr and Oscar a poodle x maltese 8 year old. After being home for a little while and playing with the dogs. I had to pay rent but there was no service in my house so I went out the front and called the dogs for toilet time. They have sat and stood out the front with me for hours with never being distracted or concerned about surroundings. After I paid the rent I leaned up against my husbands car while waiting for the doggies to finish their business when they both come up to me sitting beside me all happy. I lifted my head away from them for honestly what felt like 2 seconds and I heard a car with a loud thud out the front of our house. Straight away I looked down and couldn’t see Rosie I had the worst feeling inside me when I ran over I saw her lying on the otber side of the road, she looked gone and there was blood everywhere. The car stopped and reversed quickly getting out of his car stating he didn’t see her and she was that quick. My brother and the man could feel a heartbeat as I ran inside to call the vet..by this time I raced out and her little heart had stopped. I have never seen so much blood before and it was clear that she had major head injuries from the impact. I lost it screaming and howling as I reacued this beautiful little girl and our 13 year old fell in love with her. Rosie was with us for 2 years and I feel like I can never forgive myself gor making this choice or not picking her up when she sat beside me. I just don’t know how to deal this, she was our beautiful girl and I feel like its all my fault and can’t stop crying. R.I.P Beautiful Girl we all love you so much.???

  • david

    have been living in guilt for 28 years for accidentally killing my dog.. 

    My younger days I use to get put down and abuse by my dad and his friends. By the time I was 13 my sister got me a dog . 

    I use to take my anger out on it ..kick and poke stick. Pegs on his private…

    I use to put up up on a rail and make him fall back the rope got stuck and he feel back and I broke his neck. I relize what I did and cry…

    Too late I took away his life and was very bad and I still live with it today. I wish I was the same person that I am now back then.i well never for give my self.never what I put Scotty through.  2 wrongs don’t make a right. . 

    Hope he in heaven a place I am not welcome  and I don’t want to go or get forgive for my actions.. if I had a chance to go back and say no I don’t want the dog I would.  Send him to a loving home to live out his days. I took away his life and treated him poorly.i hate what I did..always well remember. ..

    David new Zealand. ..

    • Sue

      Hi David. While I can not condone your behavior, I can understand it. You must, in honour of your dog, forgive yourself. It was a terrible time in your life and you turned your hurt and anger out on your dog, we have all done it. From cross words to more extremes. You must suffer no longer for the guilt you feel, be remorse full, but do not have guilt as that has kept you stuck and will keep you stuck forever. The best thing you can do now, is what you have done, admit your wrong doings and forgive yourself, your dog does. Now its up to you to give your dog the best answer ever and become ( as i believe you may have, a better human being. Regards Sue

  • Josie

    We bought our children a beautiful little shih tzu puppy for Christmas. They named her Milly and adored her, we all loved her so much. Yesterday I took my four kids to the park and left Milly at home as dogs aren’t allowed there. While there we saw another shih tzu puppy the same age and I thought how we should have brought her with us anyway, as no one seemed to mind this puppy was there. When we got home I had to do an errand so my three older children went to my neighbours and I took the baby with me, after I got home I went up to the neighbours too, leaving milly at home again as they have a big, unpredictable dog. After a little while my two eldest decided to go home, but found Milly dead on our shared driveway, whoever hit her didn’t even notice as she was so tiny. My poor boys had to see her dead, and she was very messed up. My son said after he had gone home to play with her and left the door open, so he feels at fault. I feel it is my fault as I should have made sure she was safe, and we hadn’t spent enough time with her that day so I should have known she would try and find us. My husband also feels at fault as we knew our drive was dangerous but hadn’t built a front fence yet as we thought we could keep her in the backyard. We only had her for a month and a day. I feel like we failed her, if I had stayed home instead of going to chat with my neighbour, if we had taken her to the park or for a walk and tired her out so she would have been napping instead of looking for us to play, if I had been more careful she would be with us now and we wouldn’t all be heartbroken.

  • What if.

    It has been three days since I lost my 6yr old dog I hurt so bad and am filled with guilt and what ifs. He was devoted to me and my kids 100 per cent and I’d give anything to turn back time. We are staying in a unfamiliar house for a short time which is not fenced like our property and we were going out to drop a child home. I rushed around to get the kids in the car while my partner dealt with our two dogs. I said to him shall we lock them in the house while we are out? He said no it would be to hot for them and chained them under the shade on the deck. We drove off and returned much later then we had planned taking the kids to a park and lunch. On our return we found my poor dog dead in full sun the other dog was pretty much fine but because my little dude was a bulldog he couldn’t last. I feel so guilty and why didn’t I think the sun would come around the house and why did I not think and tell my partner no it wasn’t a good idea to leave them there. It kills me inside to think how he must of suffered to die that way, he was stuck there unable to get away from the hot sun. How could I let this happen to a creature I loved so much? why did he have no water within reach? why didn’t I second guess my partner and not think we could be held up and put him some where else? Why did i not check his water bowl was closer? Why didn’t we just come home sooner? He was the best dog and could have had so much more time with us. My kids are a mess my other dog is lost. I keep going over in my head the torture he must have gone through and I don’t know if I can forgive myself for cutting his life short and putting him through that.

    • Gia

      Like all pet owners who have poured out their heartache on this blog, I have been through the worst pain I have ever known since the day my beloved cat Prada died in a tragic accident in a dryer. I am an animal advocate for an animal welfare NGO, so I have experienced many horrible animal deaths caused by human cruelty and neglect, but nothing could have prepared me for coping with the heart wrenching pain of losing my pet this way, the guilt and anguish could have suffocated the life out of me, but I would like to share with every pet owner who is going through their loss, after your tears have dried up, please let your pet’s love come through to heal you, and honor them with positive actions, for me personally, I went out and rescued 3 young kittens who were in line to be put down at the local animal control facility. Now every time I hug my kittens, it is in celebration of my beloved Prada, she would have nodded with approval.

      Gia

  • Kelli

    My puppy was only 6 months old and we had been trying to leave her out of her cage. She was getting into little things, like paper, tissues, my wireless mouse. On this day she had gotten into tissues and bills and instead of putting her back in her cage I told my son to leave her out that I would be home for lunch in 2 hrs . When I got home I found her convulsing body on my kitchen floor. I rushed her to the vet but it was too late. When cleaning up I found the empty over the counter pills she ingested. It as only been 2 days and the guilt I feel is overwhelming. I loved this little puppy, she was helping me cope with the loss of my mom. Not only did she die because of me but suffered oh how she suffered. I love her so very much and I am so very very sorry. Things will never be the same little one, rest in peace my sweet little girl.

  • AnnabelleRain

    I am so sincerely appreciative for everyone who has posted their stories. Less than one week ago, I left the house with my family for several hours and returned to find our home on fire. The house was lost, but the loss of our material possessions does not begin to compare to the anguish and heartbreak of the loss of my beautiful 3 year old dog who was killed in the fire, or the loss of my precious 2 year old dog who was injured so severely that he died just 24 hours later. I since learned that I had accidentally sparked the fire on my way out that night. I have been replaying the events of that night over and over, detail by detail, imagining a different outcome, thinking about what my sweet babies went through and praying that somehow I can be forgiven. These dogs were my best friends, they trusted and loved me so unconditionally. I am just heartbroken and no words can describe how devestated I am at the loss of my friends or the thought that it was me that killed them. I am so ashamed, so filled with guilt and sorrow. I would literally do anything to turn back time and do things differently, to hold them again or tell them I love them. I just hope that by posting, someone else can know they are not alone.

  • Sarah

    I am sick with guilt over what happened to my American Eskimo, Poof. After reading this article, I believe I have imagined and real guilt. I am a single mom and really didn’t have money for vet and grooming. I only took him for a physical once in 5 1/2 years. I just really couldn’t afford the care he needed. I took him to the emergency hospital 2 months ago, because he ate 1/2 a bag of dark chocolate chips. I let my daughter and her friend eat the chips (which is so unlike me) and they left them out where he could get them (because I wasn’t supervising them). The vet gave him charcoal and a shot. Then just the other day I put him outside in 38-40 degree temperatures. I always thought he was a winter weather dog. I assumed he was playing and hanging out happily. It was abnormally cold for South Carolina. I feel like I should have put that into consideration. The days since then have been in the upper 40s and 50s. I highly suspect that he had a cardiac problem and the cold triggered a heart attack. Maybe he has had it for a while or maybe the chocolate caused damage to his heart. I didn’t NEED him to be outside. This was another example of me ignoring him. He loved me sooo much, but with his smelly breath and long nails (because I didn’t keep up with that stuff) my moments of affection for him were fleeting. I wish I let him out to pee and had him come back in. I really didn’t think it was dangerous outside. Even if he still passed inside, I would have been with him. He spent the whole day alone because I had been working earlier that day. I keep apologizing to him throughout the day, every day. I feel like I shunned him and he got killed.

  • Lucas

    Dear Amy,
    I am so incredibly sorry for the situation you are faced with now. I completely understand the torturous guilt you feel as I killed my predacious Mawlie just two short weeks ago. People try and ensure me all the time that it wasn’t my fault, as I’m sure people are saying to you. If you’re like me, you’ll have to practice self restraint so as not to smack them senseless. Of course it’s my fault. I didn’t make responsible choices that I should have in order to properly care for this creature who had complete faith and trust in my ability to keep her safe.

    But then I spent an entire evening on this page and read each story here and with each heart wrenching experience I gained a little more unsight and my mentality began to shift. I’ve accepted that her death was a product of a countless number of factors rather than just the one instance that I chose to give full responsibility to. If my partner hadn’t pointed out the great deal on the porkchops in the grocery store I wouldn’t have bought them and she’d still be alive. If Mawlie had been napping while I ate she wouldn’t have begged me into submission and I wouldn’t have given her the bone and she’d still be alive. I could go in sane with all of the ifs and the could haves and would haves. When you really look deep into it there is a countless number of instances throughout the day and the preceding days in which one tiny little change would have completely altered the outcome. So where does the responsibility lie? It’s clear to me now that something like what you’re going through does not require blame, nor does it help anyone in any way. It was a sad, unexpected twist of fate that hurts more than anyone who’s never gone through this could ever imagine. I was also told by another that our pets come into our lives for specific reasons and they know when they come into our lives as well as when they’re going – which is when they’ve completed whatever it is they were there to do for you. A little too Mary poppins for me to buy completely but oddly enough that idea keeps helping to bring on a little peace when I feel myself losing it.
    Focus on the good and the happy and the love and the blessing that chewy brought to your lives. Let go of the blame, as it’s misdirected and counter-productive and chewy would hate to see you wallow in misery. Honor him by spreading the love you have for him over the rest of the family that he loved so much as well. I wish I could be there to meet, have coffee and share stories about our loved ones – so we could both learn to better focus on the good memories of their lives instead of the tragic ways they passed. It’s a process for sure.

    I cry for Mawlie every single day. But I know that she’s proud of me for learning to let go of the blame – and that without it, her loving energy is able to surround me still. And that my dear, is something I will hold onto forever.

    Hope and blessings to you love – may you find the wisdom and strength to get through this and make chewy wiggle his tail with pride.

    Xoxo,

    Lucas

  • Amy

    Today is Tuesday, 1/5, and on the evening of Sunday 1/3, my stepdaughter, toddler son, and I were leaving to drive from NH to our home in MA. My stepdaughter said “come on Chewie” as we were leaving and I was carrying the baby. The car was all packed. I got him into his car seat, and noticed he didn’t have boots on. I ran back inside to get them, got in the front seat, buckled, and backed out of the driveway. I didn’t even give a thought to Chewie, our 5 yr old Yorkie. I felt like I backed over ice. I started to pull away and asked where Chewie was. Then it dawned on me. Lily said “I think he jumped in the car???” Which is complete bs because he wasn’t able to, he was too small. I turned around and saw him in the ground. I got out and he was gone. There was a lot of blood. I must have gotten his head. I killed my own dog, that I loved so much. I can’t play with him anymore. He won’t bark at the door or the squirrels, or lick my feet. My son won’t chase him around the house. And it’s my fault. I should have checked. I can’t stop seeing it and hearing it and feeling it in my mind. It’s torture. .

    • Jan

      Give yourself time, Amy. I posted here back in, I think Nov. I also was partially at fault for my dog Hunter’s accident.

      Since then I rescued a fantastic 10 month old pup (now just turning 1) My old lab loves him, he is a good, good boy.

      Dogs are animals, and unpredictable. I’ve forgiven myself.

  • Lucas stanczak

    Note: I didn’t intend on this being the novel it became so I apologize in advance. I won’t be offended if you paraphrase and summarize as needed. Also, some content may also not be suitable for younger readers. But I feel she deserves nothing less than the pure truth, and unfortunately the truth is a bit horrifying at times.

    On Saturday, December 19th 2015, I nervously dialed the Palm Springs animal hospital and explained that my beloved eight-month-old chi/min-pin puppy, Mawlie (who came to me on my birthday, June 20th as the best gift EVER), had eaten a cooked pork bone eight hours prior and was now vomiting and becoming increasingly lethargic (I didn’t admit that it was I who had given her the bone as I had just finished reading the likelihood of an unimaginable prognosis and was not prepared to take on the responsibility and guilt that would accompany it – so I chose denial for the moment). The receptionist said to bring her in immediately and the concern in her voice was audible enough to have us pulling out of the driveway before the closing salutation was complete.

    Upon arrival, I was asked to wait to be called instead of being rushed into an exam room like I had anticipated, so we took a seat in the waiting room, Mawlie was wrapped in a blanket laying on my lap, while other dogs were called into care for their manicures and vaccinations, and a doctor sat in idle chatter with a pet owner about nothing significant, while I resisted the inflow of frustrated and worrisome tears and it was becoming increasingly clear that Mawlie was in noticeable pain. When we were finally called forth, we were ushered into an exam room and I was immediately handed a sheet of paper which listed $760 worth of random tests that Mawlie, whom the Dr. Had yet to acknowledge, didn’t need and which had nothing at all to do with the reason we were seeking medical assistance. I explained for the third time the reason for our critical visit and asked that she would be given x-rays in order to find the bone fragments and determine if surgery would be needed to remove them. The vet explained that the tests were a requirement if I wanted her to be treated at all, then asked if I had any questions or concerns. I stated that I was concerned that they were not treating my puppy’s condition at all and that I didn’t understand why she wasn’t receiving the help she needed unless I first agree to pay for tests that she didn’t need. she had had all of her shots and vaccinations and until now had no health issues whatsoever. He muttered some nonsensical, circular referenced explanation, concluding with the instruction that the $760 was to be paid upfront with no credit possibility or payment plan options available. Only upon completion of these arbitrary tests – and payment in full of course – they would then “look into treating Mawlie”. It was obvious what they were trying to do and I was not going to let these guys bully me into submission, so again I refused the tests. Shrugging his shoulders, he said, “then we can’t help you. Please pay the $60 consultation fee to the receptionist at the front desk”, and quickly left the room, without so much as a glance in Mawlies direction the entire time.

    When she first began to exhibit symptoms earlier in the day, I began to research the potential causes, and discovered the cooked pork bones danger and the damaging effects they have on dogs who ingest them. It caught me by surprise since everyone warns you about chocolate and chicken bones and onion and garlic and grapes… Yet we now know that cooked Pork bones are more damaging and gruesomely fatal than any of those things. If only I had googled it before giving into her adorable pleas to join me for dinner.
    Many of the posts I found on line from people who’s dogs had had the same experience stated that after a day or so the bone shards passed with little damage and their dogs were fine after a fashion, so I had no choice but to take Mawlie home and hope for the best.

    I had just enough time to get ready for a 4 hour Christmas caroling gig I had been hired for that evening, so I got Mawlie as comfortable as I could on my bed, hoping she would sleep while I was gone. I read that water soaked bread helped to coat and cushion the bone for easier evacuation so I set up a bowl of it within easy reach.

    About 5 hours later, when I arrived back home, for the first time I wasn’t accosted with Overly excited puppy kisses. She didn’t start twirling around on her 2 back legs which she knew would earn her treats as it was the most recent trick I had trained her to perform. Instead, I found her still on my bed right where I had left her, stretched out as far as she could, frozen stiff, only her eyes following me intently. Her gaze locked onto mine and she meshed her head sideways slightly, inquisitively – as if to say, “why haven’t you fixed me yet?…” Then threw up a very big portion of bone shards and blood all over the bed in front of her.

    I quickly scooped her up in a towel, rushed to the car once again and drove as fast as I could to the vca e.r. in Indio. I couldn’t stop crying as she laid in my lap, heavy and listless only looking up at me now and then with sad, sunken in eyes that seemed to already contain the wisdom and acceptance of what was to come. Upon arrival, I was informed that there was too much internal damage and at that point the only humane thing to do was put her to sleep. I already owed them $450 for just bringing her in and having her iv’d and examined and they wanted another 400 to euthanize. I only had $300 left to my name at that point, so they made me sign a payment plan agreement and something that stated my refusal to euthanize against recommendation, gave me back my Mawlie, (still in the towel which was now soaked with blood from her backside as well), took all the money I had and sent us home to fend for ourselves. I wasn’t even given an option to give her something for the pain.

    The drive home was excruciating as she continued to vomit and bleed on me and the car while I tried not to crash through heart wrenching sobs and screams for her to pull through and not leave me. Finally arriving home, I laid her in the bathtub, quickly removed my tuxedo caroling costume which was now soaked, stained with gore and smelled sickeningly organic, and climbed in the tub to hold her and keep her as comfortable as possible. After about 30 horrific minutes, in which the internal damage was finding its way out, and my attempt to remain strong for her failed miserably, she arched her back one last time and released her final shattered breath. She died there in my arms while all I could do was repeat over and over how much she was loved, through wracking sobs of anguish, begging her to stay with me and twirl and play.

    I’m not sure how long I sat holding her there after – hours I think – in suspended shock – trying to process this overwhelming grief like I had never felt before. I slowly became aware that someone was yelling my name, but it sounded like a far off echo that I didn’t want to acknowledge. Slowly, as if in a dream, the darkness I had lost myself in began to lift and my surroundings began to take shape once again. I looked up and colors began to appear out of blackness as my vision began to properly function once again. My best friend Wendy was standing above us in tears. She looked so beautiful when she cried, I thought, and watched as a droplet wiggled on the end of her nose. I stared at the tear as it tried to continue its descent and attempted to make sense of what was happening as she explained that she had been calling my name for the last ten minutes from the bathroom door. “luuuuuucasss” I sang softly, imitating what might have been a vague memory of hearing her cries. “I thought you were dead!” She yelled – I was apparently frozen in a far off daze, immobile and unblinking appearing just as lifeless as Mawl… Reality hit me with the force of an atomic bomb. Time felt like it slowed to a crawl as I looked down at what, 12 hours earlier was my jubilant, precious puppy, now barely recognizable, and felt my heart and soul rip to shreds with the undeniable acceptance that she was gone forever. I never knew I could make the sounds that came from me then….

    I’ve been through some heavy trials in my 36 years – more than most people ever see in their lifetime… And I’ve handled everything up until now with at least a semblance of grace and poise – In fact I used to be considered a pillar of strength and a true example of the life, lemons and lemonade euphemism. I don’t even know that person anymore.

    Mawlie truly was a one of a kind pup. Everyone who knew her has cried nearly as hard as I when they learned of her demise -which only makes me feel more guilty by the second. I can’t help but to ponder the notion that she brought so much joy and happiness and love to the world – much more than I ever have – and that our fates should be interchanged. I’m not suicidal I think,, but I certainly don’t feel worthy of life knowing that it caused her death. I love you so much Mawlie and I’m so very sorry. You gave me so much and I returned so little. There is a special place in heaven for a soul like yours and I don’t think I’ll be invited there but you will forever hold all of the love I never thought I could give and I will make the short time you had here be the cause for significance in the lives of others – somehow. I owe you at least that. All my love and tenderness to you my precious pup. Xoxo

    Thank you to you all who shared your stories and blessings to the owner of this website. I sat here for hours reading your heartbreak, crying with each of you in turn, feeling every ounce of your anguish and feeling the intensity of the love you have for your lost cherished ones. I felt myself connecting spiritually to you all, and suddenly and unexpectedly, life doesn’t feel as heavy as it did before. It has been a journey of heartache and empathy with each new experience shared-and it seems to have lessened the burden I thought I was bearing alone. It may even have been the turning point needed to begin the healing process for me… One can only hope.

    Best wishes to you all. May we each learn how best to move forward in such a way that our precious lost loved ones can be proud to claim us as their surviving, cherished family and may they always know us to be most devoted to loving them purely unconditionally – for eternity.

    • Faye

      Lucas…..I am truly sorry for the tragic loss of your beloved Mawlie. I thought after 4 months my tears had finally dried up but here I am reading what you went through and the tears are flowing for both of us. My post is from Sept. 10 and is about my lovely boy Brad escaping after I left him at my daughter’s home. I know exactly how hard it is to mourn our loss when it is all tied up in our guilt over what happened. There were many, many days when all I could think about was meeting Brad in the next world and begging for his forgiveness. Looking back I guess this was a sign of serious depression, which thankfully did lift. I too read everything that others had endured and it did help me see that I was not alone in my tragedy and this really helped me to come to some acceptance and begin to heal.

      I read somewhere that there is no way to go around the grieving process and that the only way to the other side is to go straight through and feel all the emotions that are involved. When I had trouble getting out of bed in the morning and no other thought came to mind for hours on end, other than thoughts of what had happened to Bradley, I remembered this idea of having to feel each emotion and process each thought so that we could eventually have it in our heart in a peaceful, non-destructive way. Also, I had to actually teach myself how to treat my own unique being with the kindness and caring that I would treat someone else who was suffering in the way I was. When this finally became part of my thinking then I could stop blaming myself and actually grieve the loss of my fantastic buddy in a normal, healthier way.

      Hope this advice is a little helpful. Just remember there are so many of us out here who completely understand and want to send you our blessings.

      Faye

  • RaChelle Stewart

    My beloved German Shorthaired Pointer, Spencer, contracted Parvo and died quickly yesterday. He was almost 4 months old. I’m beyond devastated. I’m not feeling like myself and I’m just so very sad.

  • Yeziam

    My daughter’s dog got out of the yard and got lost. We were notified by Animal Services that she was at the Pound but had been attacked. Turns out she had a huge deep gash on her back, two on her face, on on her head, with various contusions, someone severed her foot, bleeding from the mouth and she was covered in mud – she just looked so sad and beaten. We took her to the Vet and they told us she would be on a day by day basis. Needing costly hospitalization until she was well enough to get her leg amputated, then more “expensive” hospital time including surgeons, anesthesiologist, and xrays to address whatever else may have been wrong. They told us she appeared to have been attacked with a machete and could well have internal injuries. She was dehydrated and sedated so much she looked terrible. The doctors told us the bill would be in the $5K range. The Doc was making a point they could make no promises and no amount of money could guarantee she’d make it through what would be a very demanding and difficult recovery. We feel so guilty because we couldn’t afford the cost and she had to be in such pain. We had her euthanized and feel terribly guilty about making that “choice”. We are also dealing with how much pain and cruelty she suffered before she was found. Who does something like that…how can I ever live down the guilt I have of euthanizing my dog over the lack of money…maybe I could have put up a You Fund It, but the Vet wanted a large down payment…I am torn with grief and hate for the person who attacked her.

  • Ellen

    I lost my beloved yorkie today and I am beyond heartbroken. I’ve honestly never felt pain like this. I was on a night out last night then came home around 0230am and I jammed open my main buildings door to go in and get her as I knew she would want out. When I went in my flat door to get her leash she ran out and out main building. She was almost 14 with no road sense as she was never out alone without her lead and me. She was deaf and half blind. I’ve just moved to a new area so she didn’t know it. I searched for her most of the night in the wind, rain and hail knowing she would be disorientated, cold and looking for me.
    I was out first thing this morning again when I got the terrible call that she had been hit by a car in a busy dual carriageway road and had died. I can’t stop crying and blaming myself. I can’t bear to go to my bed without her and I don’t know how I’m going to cope as it was always just me and her. I’m so heartbroken 🙁

  • Laurie

    Dear Jamie,

    Thank you for being here, and sharing how hard it is to deal with the guilt about your kitten’s death. It is so hard, I can’t imagine what it would be like for my kitten to die in my hands.

    I hear your pain, and I wish I had magic words to make things better. Giving advice isn’t my strength, but I am worried about your major depression. I hope you take care of yourself, and perhaps make an appointment with your doctor. You might also find this helpful:

    How to Forgive Yourself
    http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-forgive-yourself/

    And, here is a list of national resources and hotlines that provide anonymous, confidential information to callers. They can answer questions and perhaps even give you advice.

    Hopeline
    Phone Number: 800-442-HOPE (4673)

    Mental Health America – For a referral to specific mental health service or support program in your community
    Phone Number: 800-969-NMHA (6642)

    National Alliance on Mental Illness – Provides support, information, and referrals
    Phone Number: 800-950-NAMI (6264)

    Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance
    Phone Number: 800-826-3632

    I hope one of these organizations is able to give you the help you’re looking for. May you find peace, courage, strength, and healing as you move forward.

    Please do come back anytime, and tell me how you’re doing! I’d love to hear from you again.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  • Tasha

    My benji got run over 2 days ago and I feel so guilty! He was was 5 months old and out on his walk bouncing about and tail wagging, all of a sudden he darted after a moving car and the lead slipped out my hand. I looked behind me and panicked when I realised he wasn’t there, then I heard it, a sound I’ll never be able to get out of my head, a sound of agony and then again. He had been hit by 2 cars and they kept coming until I dashed out into the road begging drivers to stop. My poor baby lay motionless whimpering on the ground, I burst out crying because I knew it was bad. People gathered round but all I could see was him, I was hysterical. A kind lady took me to my house round the corner to get my phone while others watched benji, I rang my family and they arrived shortly after. Benji took his last breaths around 10 minutes after the accident. Now I’m in bits I miss him greeting me when I get home and up, I miss him being annoying, I miss playing with him and worst of all the thought of never seeing him again all, because of me.

    • Shawna

      Tasha,
      Im so sorry to hear about Benji. I had a very similar experience back in October with my 4 month old, Molly. We opened the gate for her and our other dog to jump in the car, and she saw a squirrel in the neighbor’s yard and took off. She got hit in the road right in front of our house and she didn’t make it. I blamed myself for SO long, but you have to realize that accidents happen that are out of your control. It is so easy for a dog to tug on a leash and you lose grip. I had to come to terms with the fact that it was just bad timing and there was nothing I could have done. It WILL get easier, I promise. We just got a new puppy after we mourned the loss of Molly, and she is great.

    • Faye

      Tasha, I am so very sorry for the sudden and painful loss of your precious Benji. I know that you are grieving from the depths of your soul. Please be gentle with yourself as you would never have planned this accident, and it was for sure an accident.

      I know that guilt can be so hard to handle and can get in the way of our grieving and our acceptance of what has happened in our lives. In September my dear cat Brad escaped from my daughter’s home after I had left him there while I was away. My guilt was beyond anything that I had previously experienced, but eventually I had to learn to be kind to myself and teach myself that I never would have purposely put Brad in danger. It has taken me until now to think of Brad without panic and terror that he might be suffering or might have been taken by predators. I now can think of Brad in another place where he is at peace. There will always be a safe little corner in my heart that is his alone and all my memories of him will be kept there as long as I live.
      Faye

  • Jamie

    My kitten Bastet was sick, vet started medication and she came home. She died in my hands that night. I just can’t get the last images out of my head. Does anyone have any advice? I have major depression and I feel and know it’s come out of remission and I’m lost. Help me please.

    • Jerome Tenorio

      I lost my cat (Tiny) about 8 months ago. I have been going through a lot of pain since. I know that I will see her and be with her after this life. You will be with her also, after this short time on Earth. Have faith that God does have a great place for you, and it wouldnt be happy without you loved pets.
      You will see your cat again.

  • Laurie

    Thank you for sharing your experience. It is so important to talk about what happened, because keeping it bottled up makes the guilt and grief worse! And, sharing your experience with your pet’s death shows other people that they’re not alone.

    May you forgive yourself. Know that your pet has forgiven you already! Your beloved animal companion is resting in peace, and not thinking bad things about you at all.

    You are loved.