7 Signs Your Heart is Healing

When you notice how your heart is beginning to heal, you’ll be filled with hope and comfort. These signs of a healing heart will help you move forward into a new season of life.

“My 47 year old boyfriend is emotionally unavailable and struggles with alcoholism,” says Miranda on Midlife Breakups: How to Move On Even If It Feels Impossible. “Since the start it’s been a completely unhealthy relationship and I never felt loved or secure. But we have lots of history, we’ve known each other since we were young. I’m 42 and we met in high school. He can be so nice and sweet and make me laugh more than anyone ever could. But I know it’s not enough. I know we need to break up but how do I stop crying? I’m a counselor and I tell clients all the time that their hearts will heal. Now I need you to tell me. How will I know my heart is healing?”





It takes time. In this blog post I share several signs a broken heart is healing, but one of the most important things is time.

And yet time alone doesn’t heal all wounds. We need to participate in our own healing process. We need to know the signs of a healing heart, and to quietly and gratefully celebrate the steps we take forward.

Be patient. Your heart needs you to be gentle, loving and compassion. Your spirit needs comfort, your body needs strength, and your soul needs love.

Signs Your Heart is Healing After a Breakup

Your mind, body, soul, and heart knows what it needs to heal. You’re already healing – and one of the signs is that you’re here now! Healing is what your heart does. Moving on is a natural process, a sign that you’re alive and Mother Nature has your heart in her kind hands.

This, too, shall pass. And you will come alive again.

1. You stop thinking “if only I had…”

Do you have regrets? “If only we didn’t break up…if only I felt better about myself…if only our relationship didn’t get so serious so fast…if only I knew how to move on faster…if only I didn’t lend him money…if only I did this, or that…”





You are not alone. Regrets are the number one thing that holds most people back from healing, moving on, blossoming. Serious relationships are often filled with regrets and disappointments that make it feel impossible for a broken heart to heal.

An important sign of a healing heart is that you’re letting go of regrets. It takes time and motivation to refuse to get lost in regret, but it’s one of the most important ways to move forward with your life. You can’t change the past. Even if you could go back and relive it, you’d do the exact same things and make the exact same choices. Accepting this is a good sign.

2. You find healthy ways to comfort yourself

One of the signs my heart is healing is how I treat myself. I know I’m in pain when I overeat (I used to struggle with bulimia) and berate myself for being bad, wrong, guilty. When I sink into unhealthy coping patterns, I know my healing process is stalled or even going backwards.

Living with a broken heart involves steps forward and steps backward. Prepare for steps in both directions, and periods of absolute stillness. Time is funny; you may feel like you’ve been stuck in a rut of brokenness and dis-ease for months. Yet, when you look back you see signs of healing, love and even joy.

How do you comfort your heart, spirit and soul? I love walking and daydreaming. I try not to get lost in thoughts that aren’t helpful or true. I can see signs of healing when I spend more time just peacefully being me than berating myself.

3. You’re willing to wait for as long as it takes to heal

Another sign of a healing heart is your spirit. After a loss, you are empty, lost, and confused. You may feel more alone and unloved than you’ve ever felt, more lost and abandoned than you thought possible. Your spirit is broken, your light diminished. You don’t care about anything anymore…and you might even just want your life to be over.

But you’re wise enough to know it takes time. You are patient. You know you will one day start to feel spiritually revived again. Maybe you already feel it! You feel a little peppier, a little more hopeful. Bursts of laughter escape your lips more often — each less surprising than the last, because you feel yourself coming back together.

And, you’re learning about yourself. Your grief is motivating you to make positive, healthy changes in your life.

4. Your creative side is peeking out

Women who are grieving or depressed don’t have creative energy. They can’t come up with exciting new plans at work, or interesting new twists on mundane assignments at school. Grief and depression — which we often feel after a loss — sucks the life right out of us.

Creativity is a sign your heart is healing. You’re thinking about trying new recipes again, or coming up with interesting ways to do things. New paths, new plans, new possibilities. You’re wondering if now is the time to start (or continue) writing the book you’ve been thinking about, or taking the trip through the Andes you’ve always dreamed of. A painting class, perhaps, or even going back to school? Those are awesome signs of healing for broken hearts.







If you’re still struggling with the past, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love.

5. You avoid unhealthy contact with the past

A reader recently emailed me and said: “I want to get my ex boyfriend back and I can’t stay off his Facebook page. He told me he doesn’t want me in his life. How do I cope with this? It hurts so bad. How do I get over him?”

Social media sites like Facebook and Twitter will make it more difficult to move on when a serious relationship ends. For instance, I’m friends on Facebook with my niece and ex-brother-in-law, and they sometimes mention my sister (who stopped talking to me about 10 years ago). I feel rejected, sad and bad about myself when I hear news of my sister – especially when I’m on Facebook at night. That’s when my defenses are down. I’m tired and have no emotional resources left.

Eventually I realized the connection between Facebook and feeling depressed…so I stopped going on Facebook at night. Now, I log on to Facebook once every couple of months – and I don’t miss it! It was a scab that I finally stopped picking, and I’m much happier not getting new information about a family member who hurt me so badly. For me, a huge sign of healing is choosing not to revisit the pain.

6. You’re starting to think about your future

You know your heart is healing when you start moving towards the future in positive ways. You don’t feel as stuck or lost, nor do you feel trapped in your own suffering.

“We need to get over the questions that focus on the past and on the pain — ‘Why did this happen to me?’ — and ask instead the question which opens doors to the future: ‘Now that this has happened, what shall I do about it?’” says Rabbi Harold Kushner in Transcending Loss: Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make It Meaningful.

You’re starting to wonder what other adventures your life has in store. For instance, I knew my heart was healing when I made a big purchase that symbolized a tangible step into my future.

In Buying Your First Condo After Your Marriage Ends: 7 Mistakes Women Make, I share three different walk-throughs of my condo. The first is my visit with the realtor the first time I saw My Fair Lady. The second is six months after I bought her, and the third was about two weeks ago.

Buying Your First Condo After Your Marriage Ends: 7 Mistakes Women Make

For me, this was a major sign of healing. I love this video because it shows me how quickly we—not just me in this condo but you, too—adapt to change. We’re more resilient than we think! But we don’t see how far we’ve come or how much we’ve healed because we don’t notice those incremental little steps forward.

7. You have more physical and mental energy

One of the most enjoyable signs of a healing broken heart is increased energy! You don’t want to hide under the covers when the alarm goes off in the morning, and you actually want to get some exercise after work or school.

You feel peppier, more energetic and even happier. You find yourself participating in conversations — and even initiating get-togethers with friends and family members. Overall, your body just feels better…and so do you.

Grief has a way of dulling our cognitive processes and muddying our thinking. If you’re finding yourself sharper and clearer, even just a little bit, then you can celebrate! Your body and brain are healing and repairing.

An additional part of this seventh sign that your heart is healing is that you’re focused on the present, not the past or the future. You’re actually tasting your food, savoring the smells, textures and flavors when you eat. You take deep breaths and notice how good it feels. When you walk or exercise, you’re aware of your body.

You’re involved in the present moment, yet you’re making plans for the future. Maybe you’re reading blog posts like 10 Tips for Widows Traveling Alone for the First Time.

What are the signs your heart is healing? Feel free to share your experiences in the comments below.



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22 Comments

  1. Well I just recently experienced a breakup with a man I was dealing with for the last 15 years, on and off, just last week we were fine, and today he’s now telling me he don’t want me, so he can pursue this other woman lol the evil green eyed monster in me blew up, went on Instagram, told her the same guy that is sending her kisses is sleeping with me, ugh how messy right, in which he became extremely angry with me, popped up at my House!

    We argued and I overall forgave him after he apologized for not being honest with me, had he told me he didn’t want me, instead of disappearing, tuh !! Well u live and you learn, I’ve learn to let go and focus more on myself, even if it’s going to the gym ladies, shedding some pounds, eating healthier, change of hairstyle or clothes, u will rebuild your self esteem and most importantly your life.

    It is easier said than done but I am grieving through it and letting God handle everything. It’s not unbearable to move on. U sometimes have to laugh at what comes at you, things can always be way worse. 🙂

  2. Hi Laurie

    I have found a new love someone who is loyal like myself!
    Its been going really well. I’m thankful & you were right.
    Thank you for listenning.

    Thx

    Gerry

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