No matter how self-confident you are, it’s normal to occasionally lose confidence in yourself. If you’ve recently experienced a breakup, job loss, relationship conflict or some other failure (real or imagined), your self-confidence is even more likely to falter.
Here, you’ll find my favorite ways to rebuild your confidence and renew your self-esteem. The most important thing to remember is that we’re all different. So, what works for me may not work for you. That’s why I include five “Blossom Tips” in all my articles. This holistic approach not only ensures all aspects of ourselves are covered, it offers something for everyone.
Before you scroll through my tips, think about your past ways of rebuilding confidence in yourself. What do you do when you lose self-confidence? What works, and what doesn’t? That’s an excellent place to start, because you know yourself best.
In What to Remember When You Feel Like No One Cares, I share several ways to comfort yourself when you feel alone and unwanted. That’s a good article to read if you’re coping with loneliness and self-doubt. I used to cycle through what I called “existential angst” regularly — it’s a type of loneliness that people can’t fill. I figured out how to fill the hole in my heart; I’ll share my secrets below.
Above all, remember that this season will pass! Today you may not feel self-confident or healthy — but you will feel good again. There is a light at the end of this tunnel, and it’s not a train. It’s hope, love, joy and peace.
5 Ways to Rebuild Lost Confidence in Yourself
Take time to think about what caused you to lose confidence in yourself. This will help you decide what to do to rebuild your self-confidence.
1. Learn where your self-confidence comes from
I often struggled with low self-confidence, existential angst, and insecurity. I lost confidence in myself all the time, and I didn’t know what to do or how to rebuild my self-confidence permanently. I didn’t have spiritual strength — nor did I know that I needed to be stronger spiritually! I didn’t realize the connection between confidence and faith.
The problem was that my confidence was directly related to my performance in the world. If I did a poor job at work, my self-confidence plummeted. If a guy didn’t like me, I felt insecure and unlovable. If my sister stopped talking to me, I thought I was a bad person. All those external factors had a direct effect on my self-confidence levels, which is why I was always losing confidence in myself.
Where does your confidence come from?
2. Allow yourself to be real
The reason you battle with low self-confidence is because you’re human. You, like the rest of us, are prone to normal weaknesses, fatigue, mistakes, and failures. You’re not strong enough to face life alone — nobody is! We need people to help us, to support and love us. We need people to walk alongside us. We need to support and help them, too. We need to be needed.
And we need to be honest about how we feel.
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When you allow yourself to be authentic, you accept that you can’t always have high levels of confidence in yourself. This honesty and self-acceptance will help you know what to do when you lose confidence, because a decrease in confidence won’t be a big surprise. You’ll be prepared for the dips, and you’ll know how to respond.
3. Go somewhere alone
I just returned from two weeks in New York City. It was a solo trip, to celebrate my 48th birthday and the submission of my first manuscript to a publishing house! My husband couldn’t take time off work, and that’s okay. I love traveling alone because I’m forced to talk to strangers, learn how to navigate subways and streets and museums alone, and pay more attention to my true thoughts and feelings.
Here’s what to do when you lose confidence in yourself: do something or go somewhere alone. Eat at a busy restaurant, or go to a movie. Take a road trip, bus tour, or ocean cruise by yourself. What are you scared to do alone? Do it. Trust me; you’ll feel scared and insecure, but you will become a more confident woman. Even if everything goes wrong, you’ll handle it! That, my friend, is how you build self-confidence.
Read How to Cope With Your Fear of the Unknown for tips.
4. Give your body what it needs
What does your body need right now? Rest, healthy food, or a good long run or walk? Maybe you need a massage, or a physical check up from a doctor. Maybe your prescription medication needs to be adjusted, or your exercise routine changed.
When you feel physically exhausted, your confidence levels will decrease. To make matters worse, you won’t know what to do when you lose confidence in yourself because you’ll have no energy or motivation! So start small. Eat healthy food, get a good night’s sleep, and exercise your body until you start sweating. You’ll feel much better.
5. Find a better source of self-confidence
In my first Blossom Tip, I confessed that I used to struggle with loneliness, low self-confidence and existential angst. I don’t anymore. What did I do to regain my self-confidence? I found a better, healthier, stronger source of confidence.
The truth is that I have no confidence in myself. I’m selfish, impulsive, and often foolish. I make lots of mistakes, sometimes the same ones over and over. I have lots of faults — and that’s why I don’t have any confidence in myself! But I am almost always filled with joy, peace, love, and freedom…because my confidence and self-image is in God. I love Jesus and I believe He died for me. And you! He was crucified so we could live freely in truth and joy, at peace with God.
He died so we wouldn’t have to struggle with low self-confidence. It’s a never-ending battle, figuring out what to do when you lose confidence in yourself…but for people who know Jesus, the battle is over. Rebuilding your relationship with God is more important than restoring confidence in yourself, because God will never fail you.
What do you think? Your comments – big and little – are welcome below! I read every comment, but don’t worry: I won’t tell you what to do when you lose confidence in yourself. It’s your turn to talk.
You have a source of wisdom that goes far above me, and you’ll listen to His voice when you’re ready. Then, your faith will give you the strength and courage you need to walk into the next season of life. You won’t have to worry about losing or rebuilding self-confidence because you’ll be blossoming into who God created you to be!
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